Thursday, November 18, 2010

Engaging Wrecks

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Impending nuptials are a great cause for cakey celebration. Much like the word "nuptials." (Am I the only one who thinks "nuptials" sounds kinda funny? Nuptials. NUPtials. NupTIals. NUPTIALS.)

At least this Wreckerator knows how to work the word in all smooth-like:


At first I thought that said, "Our Nuptial Hovr Draur on A pace." Then I realized it's supposed to say, "Our Nuptial Hour Draws on Apace." Which is a line from Shakespeare, so out of respect for all my English teacher friends, I won't make fun of it. Even if it IS said to someone named (I am not making this up) "Hippolyta."



ANYway.... the real problem is the line is just too old-fashioned. Remember, yesterday's "nuptial hour draws on apace," is today's "Cong's!"

See? It's a "you say tomato, I say tomato" kind of thing.

Wait. I just realized that saying doesn't work in writing.

Ok, potato, potato.


(Dang it!)


Look, the important thing is that your sentiment be truly heartfelt:



And that you use your clichéd clip art judiciously:

"Dang it. I ran out of room before I could use the champagne flutes surrounded by streamers!"


And most importantly, never complain about foot ailments while ordering:

[giggle]



Thanks to Wreckporters Carrie C., Ang H., Connie P., Lis, & Dana, who know that, when in doubt, you spell it in all caps.


STUFF UPDATE: Due to popular demand, we now have pins for sale! We're still in a trial run, so be sure to tell me which styles you like, which you'd like to see changed or nixed, and which you'd like to see us make in the future!
The Boob Nazi said...

Cong's? Cong's? That is out of control!

Trevor said...

I was kind of hoping for a picture of Wonder Woman's mother, but that's just the geek in me.

It took me a bit to actually read the last one. Somehow my brain turned TOW into OWW.

Tralix said...

Okay , So when checking out the pins I absolutly squealed in delight. Not over the pins, which of course are fantastic, But because you used a line from a Pulp song. My favorite Pulp song. I absolutly love you guys.

Cookie said...

The last cake had me giggling. How on earth did they mess it up that badly? ToW herts? Really?

Mel said...

Hippolyta was also Wonder Woman's mother, so I guess her nuptial hour went well.

Anne-with-an-e said...

I was thinking last night while watching some intelligent people struggle to finish their presentations with something profound, moving, or witty that it takes talent to end well, much less end with a bag. Jen and John, you have that talent, although maybe it also helps that you have the material.
I was another who needed some time to get today's last wreck, but it was worth it. That is one epic mess-up.

Lizzy said...

Shouldn't cake decorator have to pass a spelling test?

Tracy said...

TOW herts, best cake ever. I can't stop laughing, and forget it if I actually look at it again.
How are people this dumb? And I can't even imagine the poor people when they come to pick up their 'special' cakes.

JamesterCK said...

The last one made me laugh out loud! As I was reading it, I kept thinking "Man I hope that the person who ordered that cake was a CW fan and ordered it that way on purpose". But sadly, having seen some of the cake horrors on here, it's probably not intentional.

Jessica said...

My word verification: conge

"Jen" Conge on the great "success" of your'e book!

Kirri said...

I have a question:
Do people actually buy CCC, and, if so, why?
And do the people that get these wrecks put their feet down and refuse to pay?

Receptionist Row said...

Wait a tick...The Clip-Art cake looks like it is in front of a cat flap (animal door.) Or is it a clothes dryer vent? Now that is where I would place my sweets before snapping that cherished pic.

Donna said...

You say tomato, I say potato! (ala Bring It On)

Anonymous said...

you did NOT just dis hippolyta, she was literally queen of the amazons! i think shakespeare nicened up the story from the original though (let's just say it was typical greek mythology and leave it there)

also wonder woman, pshaw

Kathleen Taylor said...

I think that last one is a cake celebrating malfunctioning rental cars, with the usual wreckerator mistakes. It should read: Tow Hertz...

Karyl said...

That picture under Hippolyta is priceless!

KB said...

A sad sign of our media-saturated culture: the picture-in-picture engagement cake for Elizabeth and George! Because looking at one cake is not enough - we must see TOW at once. ;)

Stacey said...

You totally need to put that last one on a pin.

Amanda said...

I'm surprised you have not had any "The hippo's name is Hyacinth not Hippolyta" comments. Today may be a god day after all.

Excellent post as always.

Emily said...

I shall send one of each of these cakes to Prince William as either an offer of congratulations or for the purpose of causing annoyance. I haven't decided which yet.

Christy said...

I had to read that last one about a dozen times before I realized what they were trying to say!

msyendor said...

Right. Hold onto your belt 'cuz this could get messy in the next hour.

Oh, if I had a hammer ...

wv: bleheem : B-, blehee- (hee-hee), mm, bleheem, m-, me, it doesn't get better than this. (snerk)

Pamela said...

*facepalm* The last cake is supposed to be "Two hearts that beat as one." Man, that took me awhile.

Cdaae663 said...

Must...have...Epcot...pin!

Mallory said...

I had to keep reading TOW HERTS until I made sense of it. "Two hearts that beat as one"!

Athene Numphe said...

You know, based on how people in Shakespeare's time didn't have standardized spelling or grammar, he may well have written "Our Nuptial Hovr Draur on A pace."

Also, don't dis A Midsummer Night's Dream.

Esty said...

Amazing that nuptial was spelled right, since it is often pronounced "nuptual".

Meg said...

Tomato, tomahto/Potato, potahto?

Josin L. McQuein said...

Hey! Don't make fun of Hippolyta. She was an Amazon queen, so if you make fun of her name, she can totally kick your butt. (Maybe the quote says something about the bride to be, eh?)

Knit Wit said...

That last cake made my jaw drop so fast I think I pulled a muscle. Unbelievable!

A fan said...

Another laugh-out-loud day. The last cake is a classic.

Random cake-related humor that I had to share:

Cake versus Pie: a Scientific Approach

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/03/pie-verus-cake-scientific-approach.html

Jasry said...

That last cake caused me physical pain. No more reading CakeWrecks while nursing, due to baby's startle reflex (aka clamp'n'pull) at loud noises, such as laughter. It's not my TOW that herts....

TheOneOnTheRight said...

My anniversary is on 2/16 (this next one will be 24 years). I "want" that last cake as a T-shirt to wear on that "special" day!!

Regarding the clip art cake. Yes, the clip art was tacky, but I'm really trying to figure out the point of the landscape scene on one half, and everything else pushed over to the second half. Maybe KB is right, and the wreckerator got confused, and made what was supposed to be two cakes into one.

I'm also wondering how anyone would use Cong as an abbreviation for Congratulations. Con-grat-u-la-tions. The 'g' isn't even in the same syllable!

wv- inesseep: The wreckerator on the last cake was obviously suffering from somnambulism, and wrote on this cake inesseep.

Anonymous said...

I laughed so hard at ToW herts that I scared my toddler. No wonder he refers to this blog as CaCa.

WV: requitu. "If you keep messing up the spelling on they're cakes, the customers are going to ask us to requitu. AGAIN."

elissa said...

I really don't get the clip art cake at all. I mean, is that supposed to be a beach on the left? And clip art on the right? Why? I mean, just, why?!

I love TOW herts... Definitely a genuine laugh-out-loud wreck. Oh lord.

WV: foripi. I need to stop laughing foripi my pants.

Anonymous said...

What's with the ploughed field on the cake with the clip art? And those sort of palm tree-looking things? Has me stumped, for sure...

Angie said...

That last one herts. In a big way.

Tucsonjill said...

The only upside I can see for "Congs" is that it's much harder to misspell. Before finding CakeWrecks I would have said it was impossible to misspell, but after seeing "Tow herts" nothing would surprise me!

wv difers: "Wow. This cake really difers from what I thought I was ordering. Refund please!"

PinkAsphaltMama said...

Elizabeth & George -- maybe the engagement was a surprise and the intended "beach luau theme" cake had to be suddenly transformed into an engagement cake after it was 3/4 complete? There HAS to be a reason for all that beachy blank-ness on the left.
WV: kinguill - When Prince William becomes kinguill send him a cake.

Anonymous said...

I think "TOW hurts beat as one" needs to be a t-shirt AND a pin. How perfect is that? Hilarious...

Craig said...

#4: Way to wreck what could have been a very nice cake! Leave it to a wreckerator to spell 'congratulations' correctly, then snark it up by putting it in quotes.

I'm thinking 'triangle' for some reason -- or why ordering such a cake locally might not always be a good call.

To wreckerator on phone: "You're just calling to see how the event went? How very nice -- it just ended. No, no one noticed any unusual flavor -- why do you ask?"

The last one belongs in the wrecking yard.

Anonymous said...

Seeing as the "Tow Herts Beat As One" Was Obviously In a Store Display... I Believe that it could have been A Cake where you're Supposed To Give Them A Sentence To Write, And Instead Of Fixing The Spelling While Icing The Cake, The Cake 'artist' Left It As It Was, And The Purchaser Of The Cake Decided NOT To Buy It Because Of It... So It Got Placed In The Display Window... And There You Go

Loo-E Loo-I said...

You say tomato, I say tamato
You say potato, I say patato
Tomato, tamato
Potato, patato
Let's call the whole thing off!

wv: I just about had a vernia laughing at that last cake!

Anonymous said...

Add me to the crowd that took a while to figure out what the last cake was supposed to say. How is it even POSSIBLE . . . I don't even ask that any more since reading this site daily for a long time.
The clip art scene was also puzzling . . . Lost in the desert? Crawling towards an oasis? Completely confused.

Anonymous said...

I'm a little confused by the first cake. While not my taste personally, I had no problem reading it correctly and recognizing it as a quote. The spacing for 'Apace' does look like two words, but 'hour' and 'draws' I don't see the problem with.

Jean Marie said...

That first cake was clearly a case of someone looking up marriage related Shakespeare quotes without any thought to the context of said quote.

Theseus and Hyppolita? Really? In a scene where he tries gloss over the whole part where she was pretty much the spoils of war? (And then sides with Egeus that Hermia is his property? Not to mention saying older women - not older people, natch - need to die and leave their money to young men who shouldn't have to sit around waiting for it)

This can make for great theater - but do you want it on your engagement cake? Unless the bride actually is being forced into this marriage against her will in which case I withdraw that objection and offer a few different non cake-related ones

Melinda said...

I'm not really sure why the first one is a wreck--the writing is mostly centered, the roses are applied fairly evenly; is it the "old-fashioned" sentiment on it? OK, it doesn't look all that expertly done, so maybe that's why it was included, but maybe they got a discount because the store's trainee decorated it.

Once I figured out what the last one was supposed to say--the glare over the word "one" made it difficult at first--I had to once again wonder why cakes have no proofreaders. Then again, proofreaders in general seem to be in short supply.

wv: unhead--in certain societies, there doubtless would be a decree issued to unhead some of these wreckerators.

The Mocha Monster said...

How do you pronounce nuptials anyway? I always assumed it was "nup-tee-els"...

Anonymous said...

welp, that last one certainly guarantees "no more love on the run"

MissNay said...

Believe it or not, the heart cake with all the latice and such was a replica of my wedding cake. We didn't buy a cake because noone ever eats it in my family so someone 'did us a favor' by going to a wholesale store and buying a cake anyway. Sadly, aside from the corner we were obligated to cut and smash on each other, that thing hit the garbage untouched at the end of the reception. We also had a guest steal all our wedding flowers after the ceremony. Yes. They literally grabbed up all the roses, stuffed them in their van and sped off with them leaving us no flowers for the reception. The most ridiculous, hilarious and nonsensical wedding I have ever been to was my own and purely by accident.

Sif said...

Oh my, the first cake is horrific. What a terrible quote for an engagement cake. Mind you, I'm typing this while still laughing hysterically.

Anonymous said...

You know what I would like? Pins with amazing art! Not that the pins now aren't amazing, but maybe you could get a really good artist to look at the wrecks and make something from it? I just love pins with art on it c:

Anonymous said...

tow hurts!

that's the ebst cake wreck ever1



(I was going to say it should be 'drawers off' for nuptials, but didn't want to be unseemly)

Melanie said...

Its a good thing the Tow herts cake had the Congratulations as a decoration-on-a-stick, or that would have been misspelled, too.

BarbW said...

How do you pronounce nuptials anyway? I always assumed it was "nup-tee-els"...
No, actually the "ti" makes the "sh" in this case. English is such a weird language. My son is learning to read and he gets very frustrated by how irregular it is.

vw: bruckn - These cakes are seriously bruckn.

Brooke said...

I can understand why everyone is so upset with the spelling on that last one. I mean, come on! They spelled "beet" wrong!

pikkewyntjie said...

Other than the sloppy writing, I can't believe they didn't wreck "Our Nuptial Hour Draws on Apace." Considering some of the stuff you see here, I can't believe it didn't come out, "Are nupchal ower draws on a pace."

WV: feedran
The horse's feedran low.

Lily Marie :) said...

On that "congratulations" cake, the heart isn't even heart shaped!

Toyin O. said...

Looks great!

Anonymous said...

I laughed at the first cake ("Our Nuptial Hour Draws on Apace"), which I at first read to myself with a southern drawl-- and it sounded like something my relatives might say.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant as always. I had to post to say that your timing is perfect. My husband proposed to me 5 years ago today. How did you know!? lol

Aliza said...

Add me to the list of people who were (initially) completely mystified by what that last cake was trying to say! I'm nominating it to CW classics :) It just gets funnier and funnier

But for the clip art cake... I just assumed the honeymoon was to a beach, or it was to be a destination wedding. Then again, this being a wreck, who knows?

And tomato/potato... what about kilometer/kilometre? The pronunciation doesn't change, but it works in writing. Of course, your version is funnier!

PS The pins are nice, but what I am now craving is plastic pics, complete with carrot jockey, that say "Do not nominate this cake for CW!" or "candidate for CW" or something like that. I have a craving to stick that in any cake I serve !!! (I'm a home baker and not a pro, so I don't qualify anyway)

Sharon said...

I always loved the fact that Much Ado About Nothing started with Wonder Woman's mother getting married - and feeling totally ambivalent about it. She was, after all, won by Theseus as a prize rather than wooed by him as a bride.

Oh, and depending on when you bought your comics, Hyppolita actually was Wonder Woman for a while - she went back in time and stole her daughter's identity. Weird story line, actually. Glad they got rid of it.

Anonymous said...

Please, please put "Tow herts that beat as one" on a t-shirt!

Anonymous said...

Tow herts just hurts!! I think Tow Mater ran over my foot. Yes, I say tomater. Not tomato. Or tamato.

As to the first cake, I never gave a thought to it, having enjoyed Shakespeare. The lettering is a little wobbly, but, ah well, some Shakespeare is better read when a bit wobbly.

~~Di

WV - imast -- virtual ship spar?

Anonymous said...

Who gave all the baking jobs to illiterates;(

Jesse said...

I thought the first cake read "nuptial howl."
I had forgotten how racy Shakespeare can get.

Franky said...

this site is hilarious!!

ecuakim said...

Hilarious. Great post.

online pizza said...

Absolutely gorgeous! And I love the inspiration too. thanks agian

Gina said...

So I am assuming you've seen the Christopher Walken monologue on SNL...

Anonymous said...

Okay, so I laughed to tears at the "TOW herts..." submission. Oh...My...Gosh! How is it that bakeries hire (so-called) decorators without first testing their spelling abilities? You'd think that would be priority.

Jennifer said...

That last cake should be towed away by the cake police. It's a piped icing crime if ever eyesore won!

Jennifer said...

Idea: If you want to pass on your congratulations to the lucky couple in a really big way, get the wreckerator to write "King cong's" on the cake.

GwendolynSnow said...

I LOVE THIS!!! So happy ya are catering to us HP Geeks!!! ~8-D

preeti said...

Awww, Tow hearts! Best spelling fail. I guess when everyone checked the cake before displaying it, it looked fine. "tow fine!"

BlueBuffoon said...

Yes "nuptials" does sound funny, let alone sounding as if it were a Victorian euphemism, as made famous by Archie Bunker's adamant comment about Gloria and Meathead's engagement: "There will be no nuptials until after the wedding!"

Anonymous said...

maybe that should have been "Our Nuptial Hour Draws on A Cake..."

regülatör said...

Looks great !! In a big way .

Servo Regülatör