[hem ahem hem]
*whispering*
Once upon a time...
there was a baby who was very sleepy.
there was a baby who was very sleepy.
The baby's undead friends, however, kept asking:
Yes, throughout the long nights, the baby's best buds howled and screamed and demanded that he stay awake, and play!One day the baby thought, Maybe if I disguise myself as a ladybug and hide in the forest, my friends won't be able to find me to ask me to play!
And so, chopping off his own arms and legs, he did.
But, alas! His buggy disguise soon attracted a sticky swarm of monster ladybugs.
They crawled in his hair and tickled his ears and the baby forgot about sleep for another night.Maybe, the baby thought next, if I cover myself with a big blanket, I won't hear my friends calling me!
And so, plugging his little ears, he did.
But, alas! His friend Mr. Bubbles had a very loud and squeaky nose:
Plus, Mr. Bubbles' chainsaws were terribly noisy.I know! The baby thought at last. I'll hide in this cake! Then I can nap as long as I want.
And so, burrowing into the soft spongy layers, he did.
But, alas! The cake was Mr. Monkey's birthday cake.***The End***
Now, who wants seconds?
Amanda K., Alice N., Mary, Katherine L., Amanda H., Sydney F., Sarah V., & Eden C., sleep tight.
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152 comments | Post a Comment
Woo hoo! I'm am official Wreckporter now!
By the way, if anyone cares to know, the monster ladybug is from one of the premiere - supposedly - bakeries in Istanbul, Turkey. I opted for their Turkish delight rather than their cakes based on this display model alone. (My apologies for my shadow in the photo.)
scarey clown! scarey clown!
Mr Monkey is the best nightmare fuel I've seen in a while. O_O
The first baby cake and the last monkey cake COMPLETELY freak me out!! Aaaugh!!!
OH MY GOD - I am laughing . . I am crying . . .I am horribly disturbed! This was the FUNNIEST POST EVERY!!!! So creepy - so hillarious - and that monkey thing at the end. . . Is that Chaka from Land of the Lost??
Wow--so many disturbing images, so little therapy. I have seen creepy monkeys before, but that last...THING is the creepiest one yet. The less said about the babies, particularly the first one, the better.
AAHHH!! Demon Monkey!
That monkey cake will haunt my dreams tonight.
That first cake made me gasp and shut my eyes. A brief glimpse was all I could manage.
I didn't mind the ladybug baby so much. Her arms and legs are tucked up underneath. And it better than a real baby. I don't think I'd be quite so creeped out about being served that as a more realistic cake.
VW: piersubc The third doc in a row for submarines. (Pier sub A, pier sub B, ...)
That top cake... Gah! All of them are disgusting and scary but that top one... Who does that? *shudder*
Someone please pass the brain bleach. I really need to get those images out of my head.
*I want my mommy*
I was doing okay until I got to Mr.Monkey. That is some seriously creepy cake. I find the feet especially disturbing.
At the end I saw your label "creepy cakes" and thought, "this is beyond 'creepy', this is terrifying!" Especially the monkey.
I am shocked at the utter scariness of this post.
(I love it!)
I think the first cake (the baby), and the last cake (the monkey) are now competing furiously in my mind for the title of creepiest thing I have seen in years, lol.
Between Bubbles and Mr. Monkey I don't think I will sleep tonight!
From my 5 year old: That ladybug cake is WEIRD!!
I do not like the monkey.
The whole thing was pretty creepy, but something about Mr. Monkey and his weird hands/toes just REALLY creeps me out *shudders* Thank you, I will now have nightmares of a monkey trying to kill me in my sleep. :)
That monkey cake scares the bananas out of me.
If you didn't have insomnia before, you certainly will now! Incredibly creepy!
Mr. Monkey is true terror in sugar!
If only I had that first cake to follow the baby meat loaf I'm planning for dinner tonight...
Holy mackerel - the first and last cakes literally made me gasp out loud in fright!
wv: oundad These cakes oundad my eyes!
Is that the monkey from Chris' closet? *shudder*
That did NOT help my insomnia, Jen. Not at all.
The first baby is a poor attempt to capture artist Camille Allen's sculptures. THAT'S an ugly kid!
The monkey cake...WOW! Definitely tramatizing. I almost thought a child in a monkey suit was posed on the table.
WV: dompstr Some of these wrecks should be thrown away in the dompstr.
Sharon's Edible Art
GASP. That monkey did me in.
PS You've probably been told already, but Cake Wrecks was referenced on Top Chef: Just Desserts on Wednesday!
I'm just thankful that you post this in the morning (east coast time) so that my brain has a chance to recover before bedtime!
I'm glad that I read this one in the morning!! I don't have insomnia issues... and hopefully a nice long day will keep it that way :)
That said, I think I have [further] proof that I'm weird: it's not the monkey cake that creeped me out, but the baby-lady-bug cake. That's the one *I'm* trying to forget!
{Evil giggle} I'm so glad that my monkey cake will be causing so many nightmares tonight! A few additional facts about it, in case you're not already creeped out enough:
1) The arm is springloaded, so you can pull it back, place some raisinettes in it, and make it fling its own poo.
2) This was a cake for a 1-year-old's birthday. And it's exactly what his mother requested. Well, she said poo-flinging monkey cake. She didn't specify the hideous, soul-sucking eyes of death.
3) If you want to see more (You know you do. Admit it.) go here: http://www.doitmyself.org/2007/10/poo-flinging-monkey-cake.html
Gross story! You defiantly need more sleep.
Thanks, Jen, after seeing those cakes (especially the first one), I think I'll never sleep again.
WV: wamulti. I can't think of a joke; I just want to say it. Wamulti, wamulti, wamulti. It goes with my favorite animal name, Humuhumunukunukuapuaa. (The Humuhumunukunukuapuaa is Hawaii's state fish.)
that monkey cake is possibly the freakiest thing I've ever seen!
The first and third cakes remind me of the theory that dolls, robots, etc. (and presumably cakes) that look a little like people are cute, but ones that look exactly like people, with all the details, are creepy.
I think we can now consider that hypothesis proven.
WV: biled. That's exactly what I was saying.
Holy smokes! That first baby cake either looks like Dobey the house elf or Gollum. Either way, it's disturbing. And Mr. Monkey needs a pedicure, stat! Maybe that's why he's so angry, he knows his feet are a mess.
That first baby made me scream out loud.
Thanks a lot, Mr. Monkey's going to give me nightmares and the less said about the first baby cake the better. Thanks for starting off my morning horribly funny. :)
I will have nightmares now.
Thanks...
Eeek! That first baby looks like Kuato from "Total Recall."
ROFL!!! Love your storyline!! At first I was thinking 'Anne Geddes gone bananas', until I saw the monster ladybug... then I saw the bananas. *blink blink*
Actually, I didn't scream till I saw Mr Monkey at the end. And yes, I screamed, like a girl. (which is not weird btw, as I am a girl)
~~Di
Thanks for the nightmares. They needed new fuel.
Oh, my word... the first cake looks like that mutant baby-dude from Total Recall. Eeeeewage. *shudder, shudder*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! *hiding behind hands...peeks again* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Oh dear. Oh blummin dear. That. Is. Horrific. i thought the first cake was bad enough, then I saw the last. AAAARRRRGGGHHH!! It's just as scary as 'Are you my Mummy?' in Doctor Who!
On a side note, I love Sleepless In Seattle - great film! We as a family have a Christmas run-up routine. THis involves watching one Christmas film a night for about a month (we have a lot!), finishing with It's a Wonderful Life (starring James Stewart and DOnna Reed) on Christmas Eve. Brilliant.
Back to the cakes: the less said about that monkey the better. Ugh. And the connotations? *shudders*
Hope these don't haunt my dreams - there are enough creepy things in my night-visions already.
Lucy
WV: constric. To forcibly contain Wreckerators and prevent them from scaring innocent people for life.
Never. Sleeping. Again.
Why do the baby cakes look like they're dead or have had all the juice sucked out of them? Maybe that's what the mutant ladybug does to them? And if that first one isn't Gollum or maybe Peter Lorre, I'll eat a mutant ladybug.
I always knew that undead babies with clammy lifeless skin and blank, unseeing eyes were out to get me- these cakes are just further proof!
I don't want kids. Ever. And no matter how many times you creepy zombie kids haunt my dreams, you can't change my mind. So just leave me alone!
And Jen, this post was enough without you adding the bugs in the ears while you sleep bit. That's just cruel.
The "Baby on a Half Shell" is really quite terrifying....
I thought the flattened fetus-on-the-half-shell in the rose garden was bad, then I saw the demonic "monkey" raising it's hand trying to get the teacher's attention. *shiver*
Ah yes, scar them while they're young.
This sounds oddly like what used to happen when mom would ad-lib bedtime stories for me.
Mom has a very unique sense of humor...what can I say.
Normally, I can't be shaken by images of cake, but as I scrolled down and caught my first glimpse of that first baby, I actually flinched and instinctively scrolled back up. It's like the monster from a bad horror movie.
WV: contsion - Exercise contion when reading Cake Wrecks, or you may end up with a lap full of hot coffee.
Disturbing!!!! lol
Eugh! Sweet dreams are SO not made of this!! Seriously, the post title caused Eurythmics to play in my head throughout, and somehow that just added an extra layer of creepy. Of course, now I wish I had the software to make a video of that song with these cakes....
By the way, the hypothesis that Gary @ 10:24 referred to is called the "Uncanny valley." But don't take my word for it:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uncanny_valley
Jen, you are amazing! To be able to put together so many random cakes into one hilarious post is true talent!
Also, baby cakes are creepy by nature, but that first one...*shudders*...it will haunt my dreams.
I'm so glad I read Cake Wrecks in the mornings at work and not at night right before bedtime!
you gave Grimm's a run...wow, the pictures were scarier than the tale.
LMAO! I'm not freaked out at all. Guess that makes me... uhhh....
And I actually recognized the Monkey Cake in all its poo-throwing brilliance! (I used to read S's blog but she seems to have stopped posting, sadly--she was one of the funniest on the web.) Maybe because I know the background on the love of monkeys and the sense of humor involved, I don't find it the least creepy. YMMV.
The first one makes me want to never be a mother... and the last one makes me never want to visit another zoo...
the monkey looks like its hailing hitler....
i hate clowns...babies are cute..but this baby looks like an alien or someone squashed it...the clown just gross then scrolling down thru the pics to the last one...the eyeless ugly monkey...ewwwwwwww now i hate monkeys too...and did you see the toes...ewwwwwwwwwww
It could only have been creepier if the monkey ate the dead looking baby. What? You thought it too!~
Ho-lee crap! At first I thought it would be the baby on the half shell (turtle power?) that would haunt my dreams. Then you had to throw in the clown. But THEN you had to throw in that monkey! OMG! Saved the worse for last! The horror!
I'm glad I read this this morning. I can only hope to forget that creepy baby by tonight. or I can invest in a nightlight *shudder*
Oh man, that monkey cake seriously creeps the living crap out of me D:
Holy crap, I actually shuddered and blanched during the reading of this post.
your stories are THE best. Ever.
Any of these cakes would freak me completely out. They walk a thin line between being creepy and downright evil. They are all just so very, very wrong!
Monkey!
Holy Fondant! Mr. Monkey scared the filling right of me!
The first cake looks a bit like a Maurice Sendak drawing - here's a link which has to be copied and pasted: http://isthereagiraffe.joannavaught.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/outside-over-there-2.jpg
I wish I was techno savvy enough to just make it appear but I'm not...sigh.
Oh and Kelly at 10.26? Dobey the house elf? Ohh, I'm sure John (the HUBBY of Jen) won't be too pleased with you... I don't know about you sir, but I am rather excited for the movie :-)
Sarah
WV: stion - If we take a leaf (heh heh) from George Bernard Shaw, then this could be pronounced 'shin' - as in those bakers should be kicked in the stions.
Oh sweet baby cheezits! THE MONKEY'S TOES! I thought the not quite done yet baby in the egg was the stuff of nightmares until the final cake. My insomnia will carry on strong thanks to fear of monkey cakes with freakish toes!
I think the back-story on the monkey cake makes it all the more disturbing. A poo-flinging cake? Really?
The "burrowing" one is disappointing; it was sooo pretty until they put the "baby" butt on top. It looks more like elderly lady legs than baby legs, anyway.
Andrea
PS: I caught the Cake Wreck reference on Top Chef: Just Desserts, too! And it WAS such a Wreck!
When will people understand that babies on cakes are SUPER CREEPY?!?! And the monkey with demon eyes... that's awesome. Imagine how many children that monkey traumatized.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEERRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks, Jen. I was already having nightmares from the Baby Gaga meatloaf. I really need demon monkeys and shriveled dead Gollum-babies as well.
The first baby was bad and the monkey is truly frightening, but did you have to add in the FREAKIN' CLOWN?????????? AUGH!!!!!
That is the scariest monkey I have ever seen!
Sleepy/creepy. It's all the same. That was a tale that should have been told just before Halloween. Brrr.
WV - Faudiant - the sound of the baby hiding in the cake.
If I wasn't scared by anything that was sweet before, I am now! :)
That BabyBug... Made by someone who has never actually seen a ladybug?
(I'm fixing on perhaps the least disturbing aspect of this post, because Baby on the Half Shell and Evil Monkey are just too scary to think about!)
Now...this one really, truly, takes the cake!!
I'll be directing my therapist to send her bill to Cake Wrecks for the next several months.
i like the story. you guys should do stories more
That first cake looks like re-born Voldemort.
Ok, so I've been reading a lot about the new movie. Still, utterly freaking creepy.
Oh god, which is scarier: the first baby or the monkey?? I'd curse you for the nightmares, but thankfully I'll probably never fall asleep tonight!
Can't sleep, clowns will eat me...Can't sleep, clowns will eat me!!
Ditto the person who brought up Total Recall. [shiver] Just say No to dead baby cakes. And CCC clowns.
That whole post was horrifying.
I was fine til the monkey. I don't know if I will sleep tonight.
is it halloween already?
AAAAAAAH! So scary! Especially that first baby. Looks like some kind of alien man-baby that just crash landed on Earth in an egg-shaped pod, and he's going to try to take over the world!
Jen,
If you wrote a children's book about insomnia with these pictures and published it tomorrow I would SO buy it! Your storylines rock!
uh...AGGGGGGGH!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, I totally will sleep better tonight. Thanks. You guys "rock". :D
can't sleep monkeys will eat me....can't sleep monkeys will eat me.
(P.S @Leigh, if it is spring loaded and throws things that is cool but it's so scary...it might just undo that bit of cool)
ZOMG I am so not going to sleep for weeks now! Thanks CakeWrecks!! :thumbsup:
I am not sure if I will ever sleep again...Thanks Jen. I will think of that bedtime story every time I see a baby, a monkey, a clown, and my own kids. :o) Thanks for scaring the crap out of us :o)
That monkey looks like Nien Nunb from Star Wars' ancestor :)
I think the baby/ladybug cake is a reference to a photo by Anne Geddes--she did all the pix of the babies sleeping in flowers and fruits etc... very popular as calendars a couple of years back. The first cake is pretty creepy, and the less said about that monkey the better!!
I HATE clowns. And I love monkeys. But OMG that is one freaky monkey cake!
The top cake looks like Chairman Mao in an eggshell...
Daaaang. Those are some of the scariest cakes I've seen in a long time. I'm gonna have nightmares. Great job, wreckporters!
wv: parim - Maybe we should parim up with a real pro so he can learn how cake decorating is supposed to be done!
This is one of my favorites you've done for as long as I've been a reader of this blog. SOooooo good!
OK, the first cake made me think *vaguely* of Voldemort at the beginning of "Goblet of Fire." Anyone? Anyone at all?
I really, really hope none of these cakes are red velvet.
I know I will not be having sweet dreams today... yikes!!
Please please please don't ever make me eat an aborted fetus. Ever. Please.
can't sleep...cake is going to eat me...
I'm afraid!
I may never get to sleep tonight.
(Shivers and hides head.)
Holy crap, I'm going to have nightmares from a cake blog. AAACCKK!
Okay..that jacked up monkey reminds me of the crate creature on Creepshow...
So now nightmares have previews, too. Thank you very little.
A baby? Really? Sure -- a baby Hobbit!
What's the deal on the giant ladybug? Most of it is reasonably well done, but the face must have been painted by a baby. Is that the tie-in?
When did monkeys get claws? Oy!
AAAAAAhhhhhhh! (rocking back and forth) I want my mommy!
@ Das
Cool! Did you get the term "Nightmare Fuel" from TVTropes? I love that site but its so addicting. I also want to add that Cakewrecks is now an entry there!
That said, I'd also like to send my therapy bill to Cakewrecks as well. That monkey invokes the Uncanny Valley o.o; *shudder*
UGH! the feet on that baby butt cake are CREEPY!
There should be a warning when the post contains so much horror!!
Now I need someone to hold me.
wv: santla Santla sure won't visit these wreckerators!
Great, now I won't be able to sleep for a week straight. That monkey is just disturbing...those beady little black eyes stared straight through my soul. I can feel his hatred right through the screen!
OMG. Between the first (Fetus?!) cake and the last (Scary deranged monkey?!?!) my insomnia will now be reaching a new level! AAAGGGGHHHHHHHHH
Thanks a lot. Now, because of the monkey cake, we'll ALL have insomnia. Way to go. Way. To. Go.
I may never sleep again.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!
*whimper* *hides under the table*
That first baby - cake - thing - is horrifying. *shudder* Also, scary, scar, scary monkey.
That is all.
That's a nice cake design.
The first and last cakes-AAAAAHHHH
Gahhhh!!! thank god for medication for sleep. come fair Ambien and wipe my troubled mind clean!
AGGGHHH! That 1st cake is going to give me nightmares!
The last sentence with the monkey comment had me so confused. Then I scrolled down. Holy cuss. That thing is clearly straight from the bowels of heck.
This was like watching a horror movie. The dead pale baby, the evil clown, the demon monkey (that seriously was MADE to "fling poo"!!?? What kind of mother.....???).
See..... even SHE was possessed! It's the only explanation.
I get it -- you just like the idea that most of your viewers will be 'keeping watch' with you. Since we're all up anyway, we should have some cake. Just not any of these.
By the way, Dr. Moreau called -- he wants his monkey back. He said something about changing the 5th finger to a thumb and making some other... 'refinements'.
Insomnia? More like never sleeping again. The monkey's eyes alone...meep.
OMG, that baby will giving me nightmares for years!
That's not a baby in the last but one cake, that's an old person creeping into that cake.......
That.was.terrifying!! I don't know what to do with myself and my poor unborn child whom will (I am sure) be the main character of all the nightmares induced by your terrifying post..
Holy Carp! The first one is Gollum's baby photo!!
Sweet dreams, my hiney. o.O pretty mean of you, Jen, to give the rest of us insomnia...
-Barbara Anne
Seriously disturbing. Not that this is a bad thing....
ew. Reading through my blog roll, I saved Cake Wrecks, the best, for last. Now I'm creeped out! Thank goodness I usually go from CW to Epbot; I hope there's something sweet there to replace the creepy images in my brain!!
Cr*p. I took my last Ambien last night. Thanks a lot.
Love the story. That last monkey, who last made an appearance in one of my nightmares, less so.
Yanno, I've been reading this blog for a while, so my threshold for disturbing confectionery is pretty high.
I almost didn't make it past that first cake.
Please, just...if you ever find a cake version of one of those windup monkeys with the cymbals (a la Toy Story 3) please head it with a warning. I don't have any prescription sleep aids at my disposal.
LOL - "Plus, Mr. Bubbles' chainsaws were terribly noisy."
As a woman with three upcoming baby showers being thrown for her, I want to personally thank you for adding a tinge of dread to the otherwise exciting festivities.
[should I just ask for cheesecake? nobody puts monsters on cheesecakes, right?]
Boy, that monkey's going to be visiting my nightmares tonight
Such a clever story!!
Okay, Mr.Monkey cake looks like something out of a nightmare. No wonder you have insomnia. I wouldn't be able to sleep after seeing that one either!
ahhhhhhh!!!! the chubby legs and that money!!!!! scary and creepy
There ain't NOTHIN' soothing about any of that story or those cakes.
I'm gonna be sleeping with the lights on tonight, I think.
WHY does the monkey have no eyeballs? Creepy eye sockets of doom!
Thank you for the nightmares!
The one with the pink buttercream blanket and the BABY HEAD SOMEBODY IS GOING TO GET A CHUNK OF AAAAAGH is a near-miss. Imagine the same cake with some kind of cookie construction around the rim to suggest a crib with a smooth white mattress. On the mattress is a delicious delicious buttercream pink knitted blanket, folded or rumpled or otherwise impressively modeled using hundreds of little points of buttercream. For the final touch, either a piped inscription or a calligraphed sign on a pick, reading "BABY'S ON THE WAY." And no human body parts anywhere!
Word verification: borksat. I give the bakery five minutes before somebody borksat cake no matter how clearly you write the instructions.
CREEPY!!
I'm all for pro-chice but is the first one an abortion cake? Thats a little un-tasteful, literaly.
As for Clowns with chainsaws they do that at markoff's haunted forest (poolsville MD)for halloween i thought i had just gotten rid of those dreams... guess not, thanks jen!!
WV-Manche- Manche, I should not have checked the CW today hahahah
Wow, Mr. Bubbles scared the hell out of me. And then that bit about his chainsaws made it even worse.
However, the whole story was funny-creepy, so it's okay. I lol'd at "and so, chopping off his own arms and legs".
That monkey cake is downright amazing and spooky at the same time! Cute story.
So here it is, 12:31 a.m., and there's no sleep in sight now! Deathly afraid of clowns, and now I think I'm going to add monkeys to the list! Also, I now can't stop repeating, "Do you wanna play" in the creepiest voice I've ever conjured in my head. Thanks for the nightmares!
My dream catcher is gonna have to work really hard for a while... considering that first and second cake. X(
-B
I just don't understand how anybody can cut into a BABY cake...and the first picture...the baby on the half shell...super creepy....ugh...
and that monkey...*shudders*.... its like something that you feel if you take your eyes off it...it will move and get you! 0.0