Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Wrecks of Plenty

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

According to Wikipedia, the cornucopia - or "horn of plenty" - is typically a hollow, horn-shaped wicker basket filled with various kinds of festive fruit and vegetables.

According to Wreckerators, this is a cornucopia:

Where "festive fruit and vegetables" = "neon holographic plastic flotsam bits."


And this:

"Is that a vomiting tornado in your cart, or are you just sorry to see me?"


I refuse to believe this next one is anything other than a pile of tiny Wizard hats:

How many tiny Gandalfs had to die for this cookie cornucopia cake, huh? HOW MANY??


Fortunately, some of you knew better than to order a cornucopia cake. You ordered one of these lovely turkey ice cream cakes, instead:


So at least you have that to look forward to.

Heh. Aheh.

[keep scrolling]

Heh.

Oh, I'm sorry, do you still have an appetite? Here, let me help you with that:

Just think, "Charred and slimey." Thaaat oughta do it.

So in conclusion, tomorrow, remember to:

"Goble Goble,"

and:

But only one. Times are tough these days.


A very special "thank" to Diana T., Pam M., Sarah H., Tracy B., Sarah B., Linda S., & Emily G. (You guys will have to share.)
Tom Saaristo said...

Happy Thanksgiving! I'm thankful for Cake Wreck(s) ;) You've made many days at work more fun than they could ever be on their own (and it's especially nice when someone points out that my face and ears are red and I have tears streaming down my face ... from the hilarity that is Cake Wreck[s] not because a co-worker forgot to shower ... last month.

Have a safe and happy holiday!

Trevor said...

I think the wizard hats cake is actually a cake of Louisiana. It has that shape to it.

The Boob Nazi said...

These are terrible. I want to make my own cake cornucopia to make myself feel better now.

Donna said...

What the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks is that first thing? (Reminds me of the Princess Bride: "Dear God, what is that thing?")

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving and may NOTHING on your table resemble your daily posts! :)

Kashmir said...

I frequently get scared when I visit your weekday wrecks. Today was no exception.

Thank goodness for Sunday Sweets.

Annette said...

Pile of tiny wizard hats,LOL! Happy Thanksgiving!

Dorci said...

Thanks for the ab workout!

ellemck1 said...

Must. Not. Drink. Coffee. And Read. Cakewrecks. At. Same. Time!!! I nearly spit coffee onto my lovely new computer and an old book... Those turkey things scared me. As did the strange cornucopia's. Excuse me while I go rock in a corner.

Anonymous said...

The "wizard hats" cake is a bunch of grapes.

Erin said...

i love the last one. A special "thank" to you and John and #1 and all your other wrectastic assistants, Jen. You'll have to share too, but you've proven over and again what generous hearts you have with humor and compassion so i'm sure you'll have no trouble. I really appreciate the positive influence you've had in my life and truly thank you for continuing to blog both here & on epbot.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Anonymous said...

#1: is that a big poop cloud spewing neon toxic rain full of chunks and leaves?

#2 ooh, that vomiting tornado is nasy. i think the wreckerator got confused about what goes in the cornucopia and the turkey, and put the stuffing in there instead!

I totally see the tiny wizard hats. (i'm guessing they're supposed to be grapes judging by the green and black vines near the top. unless it's a warped eggplant or those are truly wizard hats from a tiny wizard convention trapped in cookie dough and under the power of some wicked black magic.

Give Thank that you didn't eat any of these. And what a brown gnome hat is doing in a garden for Thanksgiving is beyond me.

Val said...

George Gobel?

Sandy C also in SoFla said...

Ok, the vomiting tornado... it is either spewing rice or is a basket of rotting fruit that has maggots. I was grossed out by that one and thought I had seen the worst..until...

#5- it looks as though there is fuzzy mold around the drumstix where they attach to the body and on one side it got so deep the leg fell off.

These are really, really, bad. Thank you CW! You did not disappoint today!

Alysa said...

I'm hoping that you have some Thanksgiving Day Sunday Sweets--or maybe Thursday Sweets :)

gaelowyn said...

LOVE THE GANDALF COMMENT!!

thesacredandtheprofane said...

I'm with Trevor- it's a blue wizard hat Louisiana. They aren't celebrating Thanksgiving, they are excited about the new HP movie! They're just celebrating it Nawlins style!

NiteNurse said...

Dear Jen, John, #1 and all other helpers,
Erin (at 10:07) said it beautifully so I "second" her post. Thanks--more than one thank-- for your creativity and the priceless gift of laughter. As many have expressed, that laughter sometimes comes at difficult times in your readers' lives and may just help someone hang in and hang on through another day.
Bless you all and best wishes for a Happy Thanksgiving!

Terrell, aka NiteNurse (which when I first typed it came out NitNurse; so many possibilities!?!)

Oh, and the cornucopia cakes--hideous!

Maya said...

OMG, I took a shot of the vomiting tornado, too! Was going to send it this afternoon. It was...truly stunning in person.

ana lisette said...

I'm just thankful to not have to eat something labeled "strawberry surprise". yikes! D:
And I am thankful for all the laughs from Cake Wrecks. And for the wreckoraters....keep on wrecking so I can keep laughing!

Aliza said...

I'm at a complete loss about that first one. Are you sure it's supposed to be a cornucopia? I mean, it could also pass for a tree! Or just random cupcakes...

#2 points for it being a recognizable cornucopia. Loss of points for the contents thereof ("vomiting tornado" ). And what on earth is a "gold cake"? Would gold imply wealth which would mean competent decorators?

#3 could this be a stocking, as hung from the mantle Christmas Eve, that matches the wizard's cap? Sounds better than a bunch of hatless mini-wizards running around in a panic...

#4 I never thought it was possible to turn me off ice cream. Apparently, it is.

#5... ok, that actually looks pretty realistic. (I know enough bad cooks). But seriously, parsely and bread cubes does not go with CAKE. And cake is supposed to look yummy and sweet! Then again, if the cake looks as bad as these wrecks, it scares me to think what these wreckerators use for ingredients

#6 I never thought I'd be so relieved to see plastic flotsam

#7 Oh, NOW I see the horn and the contents. Took a few tries...

Connie Moreno said...

"But only one."

LOL!!!!

JB said...

Unfortunately, the vomiting tornado was the most realistic of all the cornucopias. This year I will give thanks for my cake decorating skills and a big thank you to myself for paying attention in school when they were teaching us our native language.

I hope your turkey isn't missing limbs or dripping with slime. Have a happy Thank-giving and goble goble! Oh, Lord, please take their pastry bags away from them. Amen.

Heather said...

I'm pretty sure the wizard hat cake is actually supposed to be a grape cluster, sad as that is.

Momcat said...

Are cake decorators even ALLOWED to see a real turkey before launching out blindly into the world of Cake Wrecks? Most of the turkeys I see in/on cakes must be female, because the positioning of the legs makes them look like they're ready for their annual "peep show."

Cheri said...

Wizard hats! That one almost got my coffee!
Happy Thanksgiving CW crew!

ladycrim said...

Is that wild rice coming out of the second one? Just what I want on a cake.

Oh, well. Have a Wreck-Free, Thanksgiving, everyone!

LeftWingLock said...

The model for the ice cream cake looks just as nasty as the wrecked ones. There needs to be a global (not goble) ban on cakes that attempt to look like meat. Yuck!!!

I believe I shall have a nice plastic flotsam salad and a bunch of wizard grapes for my holiday dinner instead. With plenty of alcohol.

Heather D. said...

The cookie cake looks like "gable gable It's turkey tame"

.... Turkey on the roof?

Carrie Miller said...

Strawberry Surprise?! I don't think that I could take any more surprises...

Mary Connealy said...

I used to decorate cakes for my children's birthday parties. I wonder now, if maybe I wouldn't make your blog with some of my struggling efforts.

Best not to test the theory. :)

Pretzelogic in Philly PA said...

And a special "thank" to Jen & John (you guys are OK with sharing, right?) at this holiday time. You consistently bring the funny!

WV: "sunhi" - what the weather's like when it's not rainhi or cloudhi... or night.

Catsfire said...

I'm pretty sure that the wizard hat one is supposed to be a pile of grapes. The vine & leaf (which is actually well done, go leaf tip!) seem to suggest it.

Craig said...

Well, another thank-giving is upon us.

A kudos to @Val for already picking up on this, but I thought it would be nice if wreckerators could manage to misspell 'gobble' as 'gobel'. George, you are missed.

I am thanksful to not have seen a puke tornado cake first hand. So far, at least.

pinnywearer said...

Sorry - Jive Thank on the last one, hard-glazed turkakes and possibly, just possibly, ricey maggots in the yellow (bleh!) greasy cornucopia...
I'm just not feeling...gulp...too...swallow..well.
May I please leave the table and pass on Thanksgiving supper?

Patty said...

pic #1~ the brown looks like pubic hair!

thosemccombs said...

I like the Gigli cake. "It's turkey time - gobble gobble."

Anonymous said...

When my four year-old saw wreck number two he said, "Hey! I love it!" I may be an amateur baker but I think he's a wreckerator in training. :-/ Aubrey

Crystal said...

Why can't people just let food be? Let turkeys be turkeys and cake be cake. Why must the cake look like a turkey. I want dessert for goodness sake, not more turkey. I have enough leftovers to last a month as it is!

Anonymous said...

I think I just have to be the LOTR geek here and point out that no tiny Gandalf died for the wizard hat cake. Gandalf was a grey wizard (and later a white wizard) and wouldn't have had a blue hat. Therefore the poor oppressed tiny wizards who had to die for this cookie-cake-thing were actually lesser wizards, and the wreckerator was obviously taking advantage of the fact that blue wizards are not yet as powerful as other wizards... Those poor blue wizards probably had so much potential. :(

WV - mervin - Merlin's cousin, Mervin was the one of the many wizards to be stripped of his tiny blue hat.

- Hannah

padraic said...

The "Goble, goble - It's turkey time!" regrettably conjures up memories of 'Gigli' and its most infamous line.

Anonymous said...

I don't...how....but that's not...wha...I just...


Happy "Goble Goble" Day, y'all.

Andrea

Janel Ogden said...

Thanks for the laugh!! #2 made me laugh out loud...attracting the attention of my 10 year old who had to know what was so funny....I'm thankful the the daily laugh I get from this site...thanks!!!

Hekate said...

I want to know what "strawberry surprise" is. Or maybe that's what my Thank will be for...not knowing?

Anonymous said...

What IS this fixation on Thanksgiving cakes, anyway? Cake is for every other holiday... pie is for Thanksgiving! At least it is at our house, says the cook who baked six pies (for seven people) last night. And I still have to finish the Boston Creme Pie, which, just to confound the situation, is actually made of cake. I had to get the son-in-law whose favorite "pie" is Boston Creme! Bless his heart.

But at least we won't be staring down a cakey turkey or a really ugly cornucopia. And that's worth being thankful!

And, like the rest of your fans, I, too, am thankful for the Cake Wrecks crew - thank you for the smiles, the giggles, the gagging sounds....

Merry at Annie's Book Stop

WV: harmax. C'mon, try this cake-ish turkey, what's the harmax?

Alex T. Valencic said...

Can anyone tell me what "FlavorFull Strawberry Surprise" is supposed to taste like? I'm kind of worried, what with all of these puking turkeys and wizard hats going around...

Breast or Thigh? said...

Those turkeys are sickly glistening with sweet basting. I wouldn't touch those shiny cakes with a ten foot drumstick. Talk about PALTRY wreckerating!

Anonymous said...

Cake #4 comes from a nationwide ice cream franchise where I worked at the Corporate Headquarters. I recall witnessing this cake in it's design phase and protesting it heavily. Not for any reason but pure heinousness.
Glad to see it's getting the attention it deserves.

WV nativ : I was a nativ witness to this turkey's demise

babyblue1217 said...

What a shock it was to me to realize the CCC is the only one of the bunch that didn't make me gag when I thought about eating it. How bad it is it, when the best is a CCC??

Nice Horn said...

That bottom cake was supposed to read, "Live Tank" which explains the chocolate whale covered in colored coral.

Cake Cop said...

All good artists sign their masterpieces. Does that explain why no cake designer featured here is prepared to claim responsibility?

It's a clear case of 'visual assault and bakery' and the the perpetrator must be identified and charged!

Megumi said...

A cornucopia of..terror. ;_;

mommymichael said...

wizard hat cake looks like grapes.

Berit said...

Isn't the cookie with the blue wizard hats supposed to be a bunch of grapes?

Fanboy Wife said...

When I was a kid, I stuffed Trix cereal pieces into Bugles. I held the concoctions together with frosting, and they tasted terrible. At least they looked better than these cakes!

Tricia L said...

The last few days of CW has confirmed my belief that cake decorators should have licensing requirements. Why do they even bother to try?

panda-monium said...

Vomiting tornado? Vomiting me. Super yuck.

Nooooo! Gandalf! Ack! Although I think it might be some other wizard...Gandalf the Purple?

Vicky said...

That has to be one of the funniest posts for a long time. I am so glad that I found this blog as my cooking friends are now getting cake wreck calendars for christmas LOL

Bree said...

I had to go to the grocery store tonight to get a box of Stove Top Stuffing since my mom came down with the flu and was planning to make homemade stuffing. She won't be joining us for dinner tomorrow. Anyway, that first cornucopia looks exactly like the one I saw tonight. This grocery store does nice work, but I think the bakers were rushed since they had orange globs of icing on white layer cakes which were supposed to be pumpkins, and tons of flotsam. I picked up one of the less offensive ones, a single layer cake with orange piping and one piece of flotsam that said "Give Thanks" with a cornucopia underneath.

The ice scream turkey cakes (and I typed scream by accident but I'm leaving it because that's what I want to do when I see those awful things.)They are so unappetizing.

Happy Thank everyone!

Anonymous said...

Goble is the name of a funeral home in my town...

I love tiny wizard hats! Only not when they aren't supposed to be tiny wizard hats...

Give Thank!

Molly said...

"Goble Goble" made me think of the Swedish Chef in the Muppet Family Christmas...which made me happy.

Marylynne said...

We saw the second one at our grocery! We always stop by to see the cakewrecks - we can count on finding some in the Dead Clown series, the ones my daughter thinks are newts and I think are sperm with legs, and of course poo cakes. I showed her one just like the second on this post as a newborn-baby-poo cake, since newborn baby poo is that mustard yellow/brown color.

Anonymous said...

For the sweet love of god WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!

Anonymous said...

InOviedo:
We sent in the Collapsed Turkey Picture (Wreck#4) and laughed the whole time trying to get a picture of it.
Funny thing is that it was still for sale - even with the ripped off cone-leg hanging on!. Just hanging out in the cooler waiting for someone to say "That one looks good, let's get it!"
It didn't look good before it's tragic accident either....

Amanda said...

Best laugh all day. I am thankful for Cake Wrecks.

jeliecam said...

Happy Thankgiving to our neighbours (translation: neighbors) to the south. May all your cakes be sweet and may you have only real turkey aboot the hoose.

A special thank to CW for bringing much laughter to the internet, eh.

Gooble! Gooble!

Jennifer said...

The wizard hats cake is SO Beaubatons' girls doing syncronized swimming...or dancing...with lots of little blue butterflies!

SarahPants5 said...

The Gandalf wizard hats made me laugh so hard! I can't wait to show this post to my mom in the morning, so she can pee her pants laughing so hard, while she's cooking the turkey!

On a similar note, I am so thankful for Cake Wrecks, because it's so inspiring, it's joyful, it lead me to Epbot which makes my geeky heart swell with pride, and it assists me in my mission to make my mom pee her pants laughing every day. :)

~Sarah S.

Arlene said...

I for one will never ever order a ice cream cake shaped like a turkey. Ugh lol how scary they look. As for the horn o plenty things.. one I fear looks like a giant black hole about to eat us all. That or throw up on us can't tell which..

Peter said...

Hey. I am happy I've found this page, I've been trying to remember the web address. Anyway I would just like to thank you for your time and the posting, I've enjoyed it. I have saved as a favorite it and also subscribed to the RSS feeds.

Das said...

The tiny Gandalfs aren't dead, they're just buried hat-deep in the cake ^_^ If you pull on the hats they'll pop out, sputtering icing everywhere.

Denver American Restaurants said...

Some cake makers shy away from freezing cakes due to the fear that their creation might dry out. If the proper method is not utilized, that fear will be justified. The key lies in how you wrap the cake. It's also important to postpone the decorating process until the cake has fully defrosted. Icing tends to "sweat" and become gooey when a cake is left out to defrost.

lee alex decor denver said...

When you are applying butter icing or frosting, the best cake decorating technique is to put a large dollop in the centre on the top. You then need to spread out the icing with a spatula (I find that a metal spatula gives a smoother effect and is easier to use than a plastic spatula) towards the edge of the cake.

Anonymous said...

That purple/blue wizard hat cake is not supposed to be a cornucopia at all: it's the "great" state of Louisiana. Or Italy with a bad case of the blues, not sure.

sharp microwave oven said...

A good option is to buy already baked cakes that only need the surface decorations. Also when selecting the shapes, single layered, rectangular, square and round cakes with marginal assembly are the least nettling choices. Multi-tiered unusual shaped cakes requiring a lot of assembly is a strict No.