Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Teaming With Wreckage

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The only thing I know about sports is that hitting the man in black over the head with a rock is NOT very sportsmanlike. Still, even *I* can see something's off with these sports team cakes.

I mean, c'mon, who takes a lovely sunburned R.O.U.S. like this:

...and turns it into Disney's Mushu, twisted up like a pretzel?

P.S. For you non-Disney folk, this is Mushu:

This next one is much better, though:


Yes, I lied. Get used to disappointment.

How about a simple star?

Think it'll work?

Correct answer: "It would take a miracle."

At this point it's just morbid curiosity keeping you going, isn't it? [nodding] Yeah. I'm right there with ya.

[blinking] Hoo boy. Anyone else have a bad feeling about this?

Oh. Well, I guess it could be worse..

It's worse, it's worse!

Hey, you know those videos online where you see the freight train headed for the tanker truck full of gasoline, and part of you is cringing and thinking what a horrible tragedy is about to occur, and the other part is all, "Oh man, this is gonna be GOOD!"

Well, allow me to introduce a tanker truck full of gasoline:

Now, heeeere comes the freight traaaaaiiiin!! (Choo choo!)


Thanks to today's Wreckporters Steve R., Rebecca W., Tug T., Valerie, & Stephanie, who would never get involved in a land war in Asia.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Golden Arch Enemies

Monday, November 29, 2010

Did you hear that San Francisco recently passed a law saying McDonald's can't give out toys in their Happy Meals? Yep. Apparently they don't think we should entice children to eat food that is bad for them by offering little toys as rewards.

And really, they have an excellent point: you *shouldn't* reward kids for eating junk with little toys.

You should reward kids for eating junk with really, really BIG toys!!



No, seriously, let's consider the slippery slope here, shall we? First you start with an innocent pair of sunglasses:

Or, as the label calls them, a "tiara."

Next you up the ante with two or three action figures...

...or nine or ten.

Then you start adding custom carrying cases for the action figures...

And big dollhouses for them to live in...

Until finally, the toy is so large, so complex, that it's impossible to tell where the Happy Meal ends and the toy begins!

And we can't have that, now, can we?

(Yes, there's cake in there. Really.)

Lauren W., Tracy C., Jennifer D., Nicole B., Brianna R., Veronica L., & Rachel A., I'm holding out for the Star Trek: The Original Series phaser and tricorder cupcake pack. That's gonna be AWESOME.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Sunday Sweets: At Your Service

Sunday, November 28, 2010

For Thanksgiving this year, we thought we'd show you some really fantastic turkey cakes.

[looking around] [checking Google] [lifting up sofa cushions]

Huh. Right then.

For Thanksgiving this year, we thought we'd show you some really fantastic cakes that honor our firefighters, police officers, and medical professionals. These brave women and men do so much for us, so today we're gonna say thanks the sweetest way we know how:

With cake.

(I feel like that kinda goes without saying, but I didn't want you thinking we were going to show you some greeting cards or flower arrangements or big piles of money or something. Yeah. So, I suppose we should get started.)

Check it out: this cake has working lights!

Made by Connie1027

I'm also totally loving the little fire hydrant on the grass.

Check out this amazing firefighter's hat, also known as a "helmet."*

Submitted by Weslynn B. and made by Persnickety Cakes

*I actually looked that up just to make sure it wasn't called something technical like "Polycarbonate aspirated obsequious cranial protective unit," or... something.

Next we have a kickin' firefighter wedding topper:

Made by Tortenfiguren

Don't you love how the hose looks just like a hose? You know, as opposed to...uh...something else?

And speaking of hoses:

Found at the 2008 Orlando ICES Convention; baker unknown.

A real antique fire hose: the perfect compliment to any awesome firefighter cake. Oh, and I'd very much like a chocolate fire truck right now. Mmmm chooooocolate...

And for our final firefighter cake, I give you: Disney characters!

Submitted by Diane M; found here and made by Disney's Fairy Tale Weddings & Honeymoons

Say, I think this may be the first time I've seen Mickey on a cake where it wasn't copyright infringement. Heh.

And now on to our boys and girls in blue:

Made by Made To Be Delicious

Or, ya know, England's boys and girls in blue. Um... Oi! 'At's a right smart 'elmet, guvna!

Ah, here's an American police cake:

By Cindy's Cakery

Nice detail!

Here's a shout-out to the K-9 Units out there:

Made by Creative Cake Designs


And finally, the perfect cake topper to transition us into the medical profession:

Made by Sleepy Robot 13

A robot policeman marrying a robot doctor.

(Told you it was perfect.)

Some amazing sculpted cupcakes:

I love that the pill pack is perforated, and the thermometer is registering a healthy 98.6.

And how fun is this?

I believe that's a saxophone in a medical bag. Before you ask: I don't know. I'm gonna go out on a limb here, though, and say this was for the 105th birthday of the Greater Saskatchewan St. Mary's General Hospital Medical Practitioners Naked Marching Band. Or maybe that's my wishful thinking talking.

Nurses, this one's for you:

Spotted at the 2008 Orlando ICES Convention; made by Sweet Ashley's.

I'm in awe: look at the bow made of (gumpaste) Band-aids! And the pill sprinkles!

This may be the only time you'll ever see edible tweezers:

I call dibs on the knee bonker doohickey! Oh, and the blue pills. [eyebrow waggle]

And finally, for our paramedics, EMTs and ambulance drivers:

Yeah. On top of everything else, this baker can totally write backwards. Rock on, Bake-Me-A-Cake. Rock on.

This post is dedicated to Josh, a firefighter who passed suddenly last week, and to everyone else who dedicates their lives to serving and protecting their fellow man. Thank you all, from the bottom of our hearts.

And for the rest of us: let's find someone to thank in person this week, ok?

Have a Sweet to nominate? Then send it to Sunday Sweets [at] Cake Wrecks [dot] com.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Redefining the Turkey Breast

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Warning!: The title is extremely appropriate.


Check out this great rack!

I hear under wire support really is the best.

While it's tempting to milk these wrecks for all they're worth, I've decided to nip the puns in the bud with a more uplifting approach. After all, I'd rather bust a move than mend a pillow, you know? Or knock the highbeams off a Winnabago than scale the Grand Tetons. Or torpedo a honker than plant a My Little Pony. You feel me?

(Now, aren't you glad I got that off my chest?)

Ta-ta for now!

Thanks to Katie N. who makes two excellent points.

Friday, November 26, 2010

What's the Big Deal?

Friday, November 26, 2010

OMG, it's Black Friday! And you know what that means, right?!?


Well, yes. But more importantly - leftovers that are ON SALE!!!!!!

That's right, today everything is on sale! EVERYTHING MUST GO!! So let no dilly-dallying grandma with a slow sprint and a bum hip get between you and the DEAL OF A LIFETIME.

Of course, *I* finished my shopping weeks ago by shopping online. I got some great deals, too! Like this Nintendo Wii:

I'm sure that dent will buff right out.

Yep, the refurbished AS-IS models are always on clearance:

They even threw in the deluxe 3-inch controller cables for free!

I also saved a ton of money by shopping directly from vendors on the street:

Who knew "Louise Vitton" could be so affordable?

I even found a cozy little warehouse down by the docks just brimming with name brand electronics:

I scored this limited edition "2009" iPod for a song. So portable!

And I got something just for me: a brand new smart phone!

Once I erase all the demo information on this guy "Jeff," I'll be good to go!

Of course, if you're not as prepared as I am, you could brave the crowds and head out for some full-contact shopping today. But remember: stay respectful and relaxed! After all, there are enough deals to go 'round for everyo...

Move it, lady! I saw that Dora doll first!!

I'm serious, woman. Hand over "Birthday BBQ Dora" or soy es punches en la grande gorditas!


Or, you could visit any book retailer's website and order a bunch of Cake Wrecks hardcover, 75%-new-content gift books and 2011 calendars - available in two convenient sizes - and finish all your shopping in one fell swoop. Voila! Shopping done.

Hey, I'm just here to help, Derek L., Denise T., Anna, Carin P., Luci B., and Amanda L. (You're welcome.)

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Let's Hear It For The Bird

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Woohoo! It's Thanksgiving! And in honor of the occasion, our trusty turkey cakes have prepared a little message for us:

Well. That's...depressing.

(Oh, and btw, parents, making little screaming sounds when you cut the head off may seem hilarious now, but those therapy bills later are a total buzzkill.)

Let's see if we can't find some more chipper birds, shall we?


Let's see if we can't find some more chipper birds, shall we?

The sign says, "Eat beef."

Beyond that, I have no answers.

Take away the giant piece of plastic, and this next one is just a big hand...

...giving us the bird.

[Ba-dum bump!]

But seriously, are there no cheerful turkey cakes in here?

"I am far too consternated by my Groucho eyebrows and gaping body cavern to be cheerful."

"Yeah, I'm feeling pretty down in the dumps, too."

"I am terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought."

"And I have no head."

[sing-song] "But I do-ooo!"

You doo-doo indeed, mon.

Thanks to Lacee H., Vicky J., Mike T., Julie M., Jimmy, Aaron, Cristina, & Kelli E., who think those dread logs are Rastafar-Out!