Monday, November 29, 2010

Golden Arch Enemies

Monday, November 29, 2010

Did you hear that San Francisco recently passed a law saying McDonald's can't give out toys in their Happy Meals? Yep. Apparently they don't think we should entice children to eat food that is bad for them by offering little toys as rewards.


And really, they have an excellent point: you *shouldn't* reward kids for eating junk with little toys.

You should reward kids for eating junk with really, really BIG toys!!

BWAH-HA-HAAA!!!

Ahem.

No, seriously, let's consider the slippery slope here, shall we? First you start with an innocent pair of sunglasses:

Or, as the label calls them, a "tiara."

Next you up the ante with two or three action figures...

...or nine or ten.


Then you start adding custom carrying cases for the action figures...


And big dollhouses for them to live in...


Until finally, the toy is so large, so complex, that it's impossible to tell where the Happy Meal ends and the toy begins!

And we can't have that, now, can we?

(Yes, there's cake in there. Really.)


Lauren W., Tracy C., Jennifer D., Nicole B., Brianna R., Veronica L., & Rachel A., I'm holding out for the Star Trek: The Original Series phaser and tricorder cupcake pack. That's gonna be AWESOME.

Fluffy Cow said...

That last one?

The cake is a lie.

Peg said...

Where is the cake on that castle one? I only see a couple of frosting flowers. WHERE IS THE CAKE?

Connie Moreno said...

Uff da!

Amy said...

Okay, I THINK I found the cake in the last picture, but I can't be sure. I'm completely distracted by the amount of toy in/on/attached to that poor defenseless baked good.

Dear God, people, when will the madness end?

Samantha said...

Someone needs to enforce a plastic to cake ratio on these Wreckerators. Cakes should not be more the 50% plastic and still be allowed to be called "cake". Though if I had my way no plastic would ever touch cake, except a plastic fork. :P

Mary Connealy said...

Cakes can now contain an entire birthday present...instead of frosting. :)

Rachael said...

is that the cake behind cinderella?
OR did I just fall for a joke? where is the cake?!

Sheri said...

Okay, on the last one, it looks like a white brick of a cake with the plastic stuck in front and all around???
Oh, and who puts a fuzzy stuffed animal next to icing? I don't care if there is a little plastic tray. Yuk!

Muria said...

I actually kind of like the cat and yarn cake, though I'm fairly sure I don't want to eat either the yarn balls (if they're solid icing), or any fluff that might come off the cat.

Though yeah, too many toys on the cakes. I always feel like I'm cheating when I put a toy on instead of trying to recreate the design, and I'm not even close to a professional decorator.

Katie said...

Funny cakes aside, the government is getting way out of control. It's up to parents to decide what their children should be eating, not the government. It's a slippery slope.

Anonymous said...

Those "faithful friends" on the next-to-last cake are pooing sprinkles!

Anonymous said...

As if they weren't creepy enough in the first place...why do the teletubbies have freaky mouse heads!?

SuBee said...

I'd like to see free cake included with every purchase of sunglasses...

LeftWingLock said...

Problem: Cake is bad for kids to eat and toys are bad for kids to play with.

Solution: Eat the toys. Mmm....fiber.

(Who said Wreckerators can't problem-solve??)

Kelly said...

The Teletubbies all look like Ross Perot. I mean, more than they usually do.

Dani said...

Clearly I'm a bad person because all I thought was "Hey I could get my daughters b-day cake and her gift all at once score!"

Kami said...

AND the tiara sunglasses cake is a *ptooey* CCC!

WifeOfSeth said...

Ok, confession time. The castle cake at the bottom? I've made that one. By request from a 5 year old. I could NOT tell her no. She's effin adorable.

That being said, when the cake is assembled, there's a full sheet cake (cut into 4 sections, then assembled and heavily frosted) under all that plastic crap.

Still too much plastic. ;)

Jenna said...

The Happy Meal toys are the only thing that entices me to get a reasonably sized kid's meal instead of the ridiculously large adult meals. Adults like toys, too!

On that last one, pretty sure the cake is a lie.

Becky said...

Aw, I actually like the one with the dollhouse and the dogs out front. :)

Gabby said...

The second to last cake reminds me of cakes when I was a kid in the Philippines. I still see some like that on display at a Filipino bakery in San Diego, so I assume that means they can still make them that way.

Janet said...

Luckily for SF kids Mayor Newsom vetoed the proposed law.

I confess: I once bought my DD a birthday cake because of the toys on top.

Bakingdom said...

Maybe they'll replace the toys with cake in happy meals?! Then you can reward kids for eating bad stuff with MORE bad stuff!

Gette said...

The cat cake actually has a nice concept... It just would've been better without the stuffed cat and a fondant one or something.

And yes there's a cake in that castle. It's all the the white parts. You don't get much cake out of it, though, for it's ridiculous price.

Anonymous said...

Ugly!
And what are those things in the glass jar below the cars?
I know what they LOOK like...

Mocking

PS Love your posts- the whole team.

Sarah said...

"Mom, there are little plastic dogs on my cake, pooping sprinkles."

Anonymous said...

WV: "Frocroly" as in Frocroly krap, who would make a cake like that?!?

Rachael said...

The last one... Seriously? There is cake there? I'm not seeing it!

Julie said...

Here's the conversation that took place at Khalif's house:

Mom: What decoration do you want on your cake Kahlif dear?

Khalif: Teletubbies!!

M: OK sweetie, I've ordered you a Teletubby cake!

K: NO NO NO! Want Thomas cake!

M: Oh, a Thomas cake? OK honey, I'll call the bakery and change it to Thomas. No problem sweetie!

K: NOT WANT THOMAS! WANT MICKEY MOUSE MICKEY MOUSE!

M: Are you sure now sweetie? Mommy will call the bakery again but I want to be sure of what you want, ok?

K: MICKEY MOUSE!

M: All fixed lovey, you'll have a Mickey Mouse cake!

K: NOOOOOOOO!!! BARNEY BARNEY BARNEY!

M (on phone to bakery): JUST THROW EVERY FRIGGIN PIECE OF PLASTIC CRAP YOU HAVE ON THE CAKE I'VE HAD IT WITH THIS KID WHO CAN'T MAKE UP HIS MIND!!! (Goes to pour herself a stiff one)

Anonymous said...

Keep the toys, lose the horribly unhealthy food. At least the toys cause children to play. (The current Hello Kitty watches could even be educational- my 3-year-old can't tell time yet, but keeps trying to on her Happy meal watch.)
My daughter wants the Strawberry Shortcake cake!

Amy said...

The best part of the cake with the insane number of cartoon character action figures...the background of the pic would indicate the theme for the party was "Cars." They couldn't find just ONE Lightening McQueen to shove on the cake?

Kimberly Chapman said...

Although if a cake decorator is going to use a toy, they should at least make sure it's a full toy. I've heard horror stories about people using those Wilton "teen doll picks" and the little girl, enthralled by her princess cake, reaches for the barbie in the middle and then OH MY GOD WAAAHHHHH WHAT HAPPENED TO BARBIE'S LEGS WAHHHHHHHHH!

Some day I'm going to use the one that came with my Wilton pan to make a car accident cake with anatomically correct gumpaste entrails. Muahahahahaha.

Tonia said...

Do I get my license to read here revoked if I admit that I actually bought that last one? The front is just a very thin sheet of plastic stuck onto the cake, My 5-year-old asked for that cake every time we passed it at the grocery store for a YEAR before her birthday (yes, she really does plan that far ahead). Also, that kit is no longer available from the store where I bought it; it has moved over to a different grocery chain.

Nancy said...

On the second to last one, is that a baby in a walker coming out the front door to see all the dogs?

WV: sednever
"I sednever will I allow my baby in his walker to go out amongst a pack of dogs."

Craig said...

Agreed, @Katie.

Why not just put the present on the table and wrap the cake? On second thought... "No, don't shake it!"

#1 I like how there is different-color icing in the treads on the 4x. Recycling is green, like that frosting. [urp]

#2 I'd like a slice without so much cat on it.

#4 The problem with a cake this heavily flotsamized: once all the non-edible bits are removed, what remains doesn't look edible, either. "Here's a slice with a few fragments of frosting on it -- doesn't that look appetizing!"

#5 See 4.

#6 "Cat 15 with regular filling." I don't really know what to do with that. Is that a message from the dentist?

#7 Sweet mother of pearl. It's one thing when the flotsam is kind of a stand-alone thing. Okay, maybe not when frosting has to be removed from synthetic (I hope) fur or hair, but when the deconstructed non-cake bits are only useful for decorating another cake...?

If my niece even suspected the castle cake existed, she would demand it. All day, every day. Think I'll email her that picture. Heh heh...

Isolder74 said...

Figures that it would be San Francisco that would pass a law taking the toy out of the happy. More proof that they have no clue. When will people figure out that it isn't the toy that is the problem? The toy isn't what the problem, the problem is the continued growing fast food culture that has replaced Americans making and cooking food for themselves. What we really need is the return of home cooked food and eating out to go back to being a special occasion instead of the rule. It makes good sense too. It will usually cost much less to make your own hamburger then it will to buy a fast food meal.

WV: unbon-->The distinct lack of Bon Bons in a box of chocolates.

mladybright said...

Kimberly Chapman, you are one sick puppy. I love it! :-)

*sigh* I would have taken ANY of those cakes when I was a kid - I never had a birthday cake other than in the 9x13 pan it had been baked in with some icing spread on top.

That said -- just a little too much plastic for my taste - I prefer to use buttercream to decorate unless you're talking about having those ding-dang princesses faces!!

Am I the odd one that sees where the cake is?

As usual, much fun in this post!

~~Di

wv - minomni -- I think cakes should use a mimomni of plastic... seriously.

Kristin said...

There is cake in the last one I swear lol! I work at a bakery in Walmart and we do the princess cake, its two tiers of cake then we add lots of plastic crap. The white of the "building" part is the actual cake

Anonymous said...

Oh, LORD. My sweet little niece, for her last two birthdays has had that EXACT SAME Disney Princess Castle Cake (and yes, the castle IS cake. It's just the turrets and other pink plastic bits makes it look like a toy). The last one tasted vile; it was like they spread Crisco all over the cake.

With no false modesty (and my other sister agreed), I could have made a MUCH better-tasting, nicer-looking one, not to cheaper, given my sister spent $40 on the offense to cakedom.

racheld said...

I kept WAITING for the castle cake, for it's the very one that we made for our GrandDaughter this year. She picked it out of the cake-book, we ordered the "kit" and DD made it. After all the cake has the over-the-top Tammy Faye quality which appeals to the six-year-old market.

I'd thought the turrets pushed down through the cake, but they sorta unroll and set into the corners. And that's a low price for that cake---the kit cost 19.99 plus shipping.

The cake IS in there---enough for twenty and lots left over. The castle is way more than a foot high.

Christi said...

My friend actually works in a bakery and has shown me pictures of that exact same last cake. Yeah the white part is the only cake part and all the rest is plastic that attaches to it. It is pitiful that they can charge $35 for plastic cake.

Linda said...

That castle cake was our best seller at my bakery til Decopac discontinued it! The white part is all cake. And most of them were available for purchase using their food stamps! AAGGH!

Elizabeth S. said...

I'm a mom who actually bought the castle cake from my local grocery for my daughter's 3rd birthday. I bought it because I'm a sucker for my daughter telling me every week for 6 months that that was the cake she wanted. It's a big fat illusion. Seriously. The towers are thin pieces of plastic that simply wrap around the corners and are held in place by the cake and the plastic tower toppers. They're not even full circles or play-worthy. The door and princess topper are thin pieces of plastic. The cake itself is everything you see in white. The plants are just piped on. It's a ton of cake! But when you're done, the only thing left over that's useful are the princesses.

Anneke (Mudhooks) said...

I like the fact that in the "Doggie" cake, the large black dog is wading through the brick paving... so surreal.

The baby is in trouble, though, She's obviously not scooping that delicious sprinkle-poo.

Is that where sprinkles come from?

Mollie said...

I believe that in that last one there is a little square cake behind cinderella. But who knows.

anna said...

I work in a grocery store bakery and I kind of hate the toy kit cakes. The ones we have aren't nearly as elaborate as the ones you posted, but I can't get over how worked up kids get over these things.

IN MY DAY *rattles walker* the only input I had on my cake was what color roses I wanted to put on it and if I wanted vanilla or chocolate cake.

Anonymous said...

During my post-holiday travels yesterday, I had to stop for dinner on the road and a Happy Meal was the best/smallest option. It was my first fast food eaten in over a year - I thought "hey, at least I will get a fun toy I can give to someone" only to get some creep-tastic Madame Alexander mini doll of a girl dressed as a wolf (assuming it is a storybook reference?). Maybe now I should save it for a wreck-tastic cake decoration :)

Anonymous said...

I pine for the good old days when the words "choking hazard" used to mean something. When I was a kid, all we had were lousy frosting roses on picks. They were dry and crunchy! And we were grateful for them, I tell ya!

(And by the way, why does the inscription on the cat cake look like one long HappyBirthday?)

SuBee said...

Kimberly Chapman, I would buy your cake!

Tricia L said...

I often think Charm City Cakes has to provide a diagram showing what is cake, what is wood, what is Rice Krispies, etc., just so people can cut some of their cakes. However, these are worse. If you have to get a bucket to hold all the "decorations" before you cut the cake, there are too many. Obviously these people have never heard the saying "less is more".

Anonymous said...

$34.99 for that last masterpiece? What a steal! And just think what fun the kid will have trying to find the cake inside!

Valerya Baker said...

@Katie Yeah, it should be up to parents to decide what their kids eat. IF they were capable of making the right decision. The rate of childhood obesity in this country is shocking and saddening.

@Janet The mayor may have vetoes it but the city council has more than enough votes to override his veto. So, it's happening.

@Isolder74 I agree completely! But, in order for people to get back into their kitchens they have to have the motivation. And for that to happen fast food has to be less appealing.

Rue said...

and here my only problem with the last cake is wondering how the mermaid got up in the tower.

Anonymous said...

That last one is just gobsmacking. Now I'm not one to pour shame on those who are baking-challenged. I've been blessed with baking ability so I bake, some haven't so they don't. That's cool. But when you've got more plastic than cake, there's something seriously wrong.

Also, I totally agree with you, Isolder74. The toy isn't the problem, it's the fake food that has somehow become the norm. My family and I went "additive free" almost 4 years ago now (yes, that's no artificial ANYTHING) and I wouldn't go back, not for love nor money. Get back to REAL food and suddenly you'll see how much better you feel. Oh and a friend of mine (who lives in the USA) went "no high fructose corn syrup" and lost 22 lbs in just 3 weeks.
But it's the TOYS they ban. Good call. Not.

Elizabeth
Sydney, Australia

Sara said...

You know.... I NEVER thought I would wear a tiara! and might I add YUCK! Who wants a cake that sheds? Also... are my eyes fooling me or do i see a McDonalds golden arch on the first one?:O Dun Dun Dunnn!

deb said...

$16.00 for that god-awful cake with the sunglasses??!! Why? Who?

Nick said...

Perhaps that last cake is in the mote of the castle? Even the most valiant warriors would be distracted deep pools of moist, chocolaty goodness.

Kelly said...

Is the kittycat one really a wreck? I like it! Assuming kitty is sitting on some wax paper or something.

Jules said...

Maybe my most favorite post ever! What a great moral issue to tackle! :)

Isolder74 said...

Well I do understand how some people get into thinking that fast food and frozen dinners are their only options. I live in a basement apartment where I usually don't have good access to the upstairs kitchen most of the time.

That being said I do have ready access to the kitchen in my brother's house. What I have done is take Plastic Food Trays that I've either saved from frozen dinners or gotten from a restaurant supply store, and made my own frozen dinners. Not to long ago, I made my own chicken fried steak dinners using a round roast, potatoes and frozen carrots and managed to make 14 ready to reheat meals at about $10 in total costs of ingredients.

What makes them even better is in these meals I control how much salt or anything else ends up in my food. I still get the convenience, at the cost of a busy weekend, and better food quality to boot.

Not too bad if I say so myself.

juliapoet said...

Ahem - I think we must take a moment to mock the sunshine/tiara CCC label, which also says PULLAPART.

Seriously wreckerators? Pullapart cupcakes, aka you were too lazy to ice each once separately and instead bunched them all together and whipped out a spatula!?

Anonymous said...

I'm a cake decorator as a local Bakery and I can attest that that last one DOES in fact contain cake. I've done several of those cakes before.

Anonymous said...

I work at a bakery, and we used to sell that last castle cake. The manufacturer actually discontinued it in the past few weeks, and we don't have a real replacement for it. (It's less plastic than you imagine, especially if you have a good designer who adds his/her own flowers or shrubs, as ours did). I'm less surprised by this kit's (former) existance than by the parent(s)' willingness to pay $95 and up on a cake for it.

Arlene said...

All those cakes really are scary. Especially the Barney/Teletubby combo. Yikes! I think whoever got that cake got mostly toys and not much else.. sad lol.

Anonymous said...

per kimberly chapman: "Some day I'm going to use the one that came with my Wilton pan to make a car accident cake with anatomically correct gumpaste entrails. Muahahahahaha."


please, please, please share pictures of that if you do!! Mattel might sue but I say there's a market for Zombie Barbie!!

- Barbara Anne

wv: ANDENIT "the castle cake was purdy andenit was a little bit of cake."

Zombie Edward said...

"I'm holding out for the Star Trek: The Original Series phaser and tricorder cupcake pack. That's gonna be AWESOME."

Same here! Let's make a pact, the first one to spot them has to tell the other what store to run into and get them herself. Work for you?

Anonymous said...

Not sure I get the logic here

Green said...

The fact that you're able to put the price tag not on the cake box but on the "cake" itself is proof that maybe you have a flotsam problem.

No, I see the frosting trees. Yes, and the door is most definitely frosting. But for all I know it could be stucco.

For instance, I shouldn't have to have instruction on how to disassemble the cake before I'm allowed to eat it. In the words of a famous robot "No disassemble! NO!"

Note on last cake: To successfully ingest cake please read instructions carefully.

(please see diagram)

To eat cake:

Step 1: Remove parts a1, a2, a3, a4, and a5. Please keep parts away from children under 5.

Step 2: Remove part b. Set to the side.

Step 3: Carefully remove parts c3 and c4 before attempting to remove parts c1 and c2. If you notice structural stability of cake is questionable leave parts c1 and c2 attached and eat around.

Step 4: Please remember to remove part d. note: some purple frosting (occasionally all purple frosting) will peal or fall as a result of removing part d. This is normal. I you wish to keep frosting on during consumption please leave part d on though only if there are no children under 5 present.

Disclaimer: Cake only contains frosting on those parts visible. Price tag is impossible to remove. We suggest a purple sharpie. All purchases non-refundable. Sorry.

Craig said...

Way to go, @Isolder74!

The backstory on the castle cake confirms what I was getting at earlier -- there is nothing to do with the plastic bits afterward except decorate another cake. I hope the cake in the picture wasn't frosted with Crisco. Who wouldn't want their child to be a literal lard-[donkey], eh?

Cinderella should be riding a dinosaur, though -- they missed that important detail.

Stephanie said...

At the grocery store where I work, we got a new head of bakery in corporate who insisted that we had TOO MUCH INVENTORY. We needed to offload some NOW! (She's not entirely the brightest bulb in the box, seeing as you do need some inventory to be able to decorate ...but I digress.) So we said, "Fine", through plastered on smiles and proceeded to pump our cakes with so much plastic we were fairly throwing it on by the handfuls. The cakes and cupcakes looked ridiculous on purpose as a sort of "take that" to our manager, and we did get the inventory down to a "manageable" level and she we happy, so, I guess, mission accomplished? Saddest part is that she whole-heartedly approved of our plastic monstrosities. She called them "fun".

Dale said...

I really like the cat one, and how the frosting balls of yarn turn into the border...

annette said...

Why did you change from the cute picture of the Mohawk Babies riding carrots to the photo of the plastic Mohawk baby dolls? The picture was cute, but the photo is a disappointment! I recently told some friends about your website and the header picture at cakewrecks.com. They are parents of a baby boy who is the spitting image of the cute picture babies, so I thought they would enjoy it. However, is was a shock to see the not-so-cute plastic knockoff instead. Can you change your header back to the cute picture babies? Thanks -- and especially for the hours of hilarity that our family has enjoyed on your website. Our preteen drags me, her dad, and any other willing family members to the computer at regular intervals to enjoy the show. --Annette Olsen, Houston, TX

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Annette,

The header on Cake Wrecks has been the same for over two years now. We do use a cartoon drawing of the baby for Twitter and Facebook but the plastic babies on icing carrots are the originals. I'm sorry you're not a big fan.

john

emma said...

I actually kind of like the cat and yarn cake, though I'm fairly sure I don't want to eat either the yarn balls (if they're solid icing), or any fluff that might come off the cat.

Tara/Bunny said...

Here's the sad thing: My daughter had the big princess cake one year and the strawberry shortcake one the next. It's not my fault, her gramdma spoils her atrociously. Now I get to show grandma how TWO cakes that she has bought the child ended up on the same Cake Wrecks post... maybe it'll get through to her...

Lori said...

Are those... generic teletubbies?

Lori said...

I found the cake in the castle! I did it! The turrets and gate and princesses are toys, but the walls and plants are cake!

Now, do I get a prize? (snicker)

wv: ouncifin(prounounced ounce-eh-fun) - I always have more than an ouncifin whenever I visit this site.

Anonymous said...

Disney Princesses must be stopped.

Shannon said...

Really there is a cake, only the towers, dolls, picture frame, and door are plastic, my oldest insisted on one for her third birthday. We still have all of the princesses.

A. Fox said...

Maybe I'm wrong, but are you sure the Teletubbies, Disney, Thomas, etc cake is plastic? It almost looks like fondant or marzipan or some other shaped something-or-other. Mostly because they all look like cheap knock-offs, but in the same style. It's still too much going on for one cake, but at least that would be more impressive than slapping a bunch of toys on the top.

Middylou said...

Omg. My friend had that princess cake for her Bridal Shower!! But it was tilting/ falling apart in the back!!

Elizapants said...

I absolutely hate that Princess Castle cake. I am pretty sure that I can now decorate it with me eyes shut at this point. But it gets worse.There is a Spongebob Luau cake, a Nascar cake, Spiderman...and many many more. Not at all cool at all and impossible to make them look even halfway decent when you have to make twenty five billion cakes in an eight hour shift.