Saturday, November 6, 2010

The Beefy Toad

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Does your frog need to jog? Does your newt need some gluts? Is your salamander... getting fat? Then hop them over to the Beefy Toad Gym, and take a leap into fitness!

Here at the Beefy Toad, we host extensive aerobics classes to keep those frog legs moving...

...no matter how many there are.

Your toad will be dizzy with excitement over our top-of-the-line equipment.

He'll really dig'em.

The Beefy Toad offers personal trainers, too, so you're sure to get the most groans for your greenbacks!

"Ok! So! [clapping] We focus the first six months on arms, then we move on to legs!!"


Plus we serve premium low-calorie insects, worms, and snails at our snack bar!

"Wait. There's gym equipment here, too?"

At the Beefy Toad Gym, we'll turn your puny pet...


...into a fabulously fit amphibian!

All in just a few short weeks!
So hop your frog on over to our pad, before he croaks. Better hurry; time flies!


Hey, Keith R., Jacquie G., Meredith, Terri C., Marisa H., and Emily H., if you tell them Jeremiah sent you, you get your first visit free!

------------------------------------

Congrats to our final give-away winners, carandavis, musikartlvr, Canadian Emily and ::miss m::, and also our Facebook winners, Alissa Kuizinas Carscallen & JayJay Stroup! Please e-mail us your mailing addresses, guys.

And for those of you who didn't win, you could always buy one of my two sizes of Cake Wrecks 2011 wall calendars currently in stores and online. [eyebrow waggle] There's a mini and a large, 52-week version that's pretty spiffy looking, if I do say so myself.



Also, don't forget that the book is a hardcover with more than 75% all-new content, and at $12.95 or less, it makes an excellent cheap gift. You should really stock up. [more eyebrow waggling]

Oh, and if you'd like your book personalized, I have bookplates available on our Stuff page.

This concludes my bi-annual bout of shameless self-promotion. My publisher and I thank you for your support. ;)
SuBee said...

Who buys these things??
If people stopped buying them, stores would stop selling them.
Oh wait...that would be a bad thing.


Right?

ๆ„› - ใกใ‚ƒใ‚“ said...

Well, the third frog looks like it had stretch boobs *shivers*

Terri Coop said...

Yay! The fourth frog down is mine. I live in a very small town, so my wreck-spotting ops are limited. However, the local supermarket turns out a doozy from time to time!

Beefy toad #4 was a display cake trying to lure you into an order. For only $19.99, you got a ton of raisin-studded toad AND a lilypad side cake covered in guacamole green frosting. It sat there about a week, developing more and more cracks until someone put it out of its misery.

I R a wreck-spotter! This is a good day!! Thanks Jen!

Terri
www.whyifearclowns.com

tiny purple elephant said...

the first one has a cupcake with FLIES on it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

ROFL!!!

Where do all these ugly frogs come from? How do all the wreckerators get the same idea? Actually, why frogs? Why frog CCC's?

The one at the fly bar looked a little moldy... slimy? Algae? Could NOT imagine eating that.

The trainer working on his arms, and not legs (legs, not arms?) totally blew me away.

And, yes, I caught the first one looking as though he had 5 legs. I wasn't going to mention it, but you did. *waggling eyebrows right back atcha*

~~Di
Lovin' the Saturday X-tra!

kristina said...

as someone who loves all things frog (except real ones, they're slimy!) these scare me!

Now, a Sunday Sweets on frogs, would totally make up for the nightmares I will have tonight. ;)

Ribbit!

Karen said...

OMG those frogs were bad! I've seen some cute frog cakes, but these were just BAD! Of course, the more bad cakes, the more Cakewrecks fodder, right?

Kevin said...

These cakes look mesmer...ALL HAIL THE HYPNOTOADS!!!

Carly said...

At EPCOT I believe they would say semi-annual to mean every six months... :::big grin::::

Sara said...

I don't mind touching real frogs, but those cakes I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. And as usual, you have managed to get a song stuck in my head... "Jeremiah was a bullfrog. He was a good friend of mine!"

drgns4vr said...

I wasn't going to comment on the content with the frog
Since I consider cake as the content for your blog
But the WV today produced such a climate,
That I had to take a chance, and really try to "reyhmet".

Jade said...

Ok, this is too funny. I used to go to a gym in Santa Cruz, CA, called Toadal fitness, with yes, a toad as the mascot.

Anonymous said...

This. Is. Hilarious.

Anonymous said...

I think it might be glutes, not gluts, but either way, you have an awesome website!!!

Kaschua said...

The last frog reminds me of the Wumpus.

If just one person gets the joke, I'll die a happy woman.

Veronica said...

HA HA HA!!! As always laughing after reading! The first one is kind of cute for a lumpy pile of green!

Marnie said...

Your post made me think of this post I saw a while back. One of the saddest things I've seen.
http://pubs.usgs.gov/fs/fs-043-01/

Claire said...

Does the 4th one have raisins on it? Yuck!

Anonymous said...

Already bought the calendar and the book. Really was hoping for the trifecta by winning the pins...

As for the froggies... well they are toadally creepy-cute in a warty and slimey kind of way...

LindaK

Anonymous said...

Thanks for referencing "Joy to the World".

AJ said...

It could be worse. They could have made a realistic frog cake.

Fanboy Wife said...

Does anyone remember those news stories about the mutant frogs from Minnesota? If these bakeries were from there, then they have a valid excuse for these deformed frogs.

Lee said...

@Kaschua OMG! Hunt The Wumpus!!!! My family had a TI computer (ah, TVs as monitors...those were the days) and that was my favorite game. I had COMPLETELY forgotten about it for about 20 years until you just brought it up! Thanks for the trip down memory lane!

Nana Rogers said...

Disgustingly funny!
I could have croaked over these lol

Love Cake Wrecks!! Thanks!!

Juliana said...

I thought you stopped posting on Saturdays, which makes me wonder why I looked, but.. I did. :) Happy Saturday

Alysa Sawyer said...

Bummer! I didn't win :( I was going to use my winning as a Christmas gift since I already have the book and I just ordered the calendar yesterday. I can't wait to see it!

I bet there are some good "Princess and the Frog" wrecks out there :)

StephanieC said...

Okay, the snails one made me vomit a little in my mouth.

I like sugar, and cake-y things, and green and even frogs... but... *blech* *Nausea kicks in again, runs to bathroom*

Tricia L said...

@Terri Coop

It is too bad they didn't put ALL of these wrecks out of their misery. I really don't understand why they even try to make frogs in the first place. A 3D frog is hard enough, but a 2D frog is just a pile of disgusting green icing.

madrobins said...

Those are some seriously scary amphibians. People sell these things? Really? Even Frog #3, with the grafted on legs that look like boobs? Yieeee!

ACBatz said...

This is extra funny because we have a local chain of gyms called Toad-al Fitness with a - you guessed it - frog mascot. I think he's pretty beefy, too.

Diane1611 said...

Those frogs look like they were taking steroids! No wonder they're so beefy! LOL!

Miss Nay said...

I'M GETTING A PUPPY TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry. Unrelated. I'm just excited. It's going to be a therapy dog for my daughter she's autistic.

Anonymous said...

You know, some days the cakes stand on their own, and no commentary is needed. And some days, like today, you don't even need the cakes. The commentary alone cracks me up. You are too funny, Jen.

That said, the raisin-spotted toad is, um, special. Really special.

-Holly

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh, that last one really looks like Slimer has joined a curling team. But at least he's happy about it :)

Alison said...

I bet the Majestic Disco Newt would like to join in...maybe a dance class.

Catena Creations said...

OK, so who wasn't brave enough to attempt a rhyme with salamander? Did Jen or Jon wimp out?

Actually, I am neither brave enough nor healthy enough to attempt such a rhyme right now, either. But it would have been fun!

Craig said...

Without getting into the distinction between frogs and toads (I hope), some of these look like they've been through a Wild Ride, alright.

I've never seen a frog with gluts. That doesn't really make the top 1000 on the wish list, either. Since a word which means 'an oversupply' is unlikely to have a plural form (and since my spell-checker flags 'glutes'), I think it likely that 'gluts' is correct as used. Yes, an ending 'e' is usually how 'u' gets the 'oo' sound (see what I did, there?) but the word in question is derived from a Latin word. Ipso facto.

ilze said...

I thank all the wreckerators for not putting a long frog tongue on any of those.

Anonymous said...

And yet....when I see the phrase "Beefy Toad" all I can think of is how much of a premium I'd get on those frog legs....


---Mimzy

Sarah Irene said...

Raisins may not be half bad depending on the cake...
At least I think so...

Just me then? ... ok...

WV: crath- They looked better after the crath to the floor!

Jennifer said...

I'm just trying to figure out why anyone would want a frog cake, let alone enough people to necessitate this bundle (yes, a group of frogs is called a "bundle") of frogs!

jillb-ilslp said...

Number 1, you are as toadally hopping mad as Jen and John! You croak me up! Terribbit post!

Anonymous said...

Frog cakes??? Why??

Dangard said...

Barry Bonds called, he wants his steroids back.

Mary said...

I can't hardly beleive that people actually buy these things and pass them off as frog cakes. They look like a 1st grader mae them. lol

Little Mel said...

You made a SMACKS reference.

I love you.

I also love frogs.

This double win

DOUBLE WIN ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE SCREEN. OMG WHAT DO THIS MEEEEEAAANN!!

Pauline said...

Sometimes your posts just make me say 'WHY?'- these frogs do it big time!
love the posts and thanks for the warning about 'pasties'
Pauline UK

Ashley Knowlton said...

Oh come on! Number 3 is _definitely_ a green turkey wearing nipple tassels.

Amanda said...

Your commentary, as always, is PRICELESS. I love it!!

Melissa said...

I think that these beefy toads probably work out here: http://www.frogsfit.com/

Yes, it's real. Frog's Fitness. :)