Wednesday, June 30, 2010

What's THAT Supposed to Mean?

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Sometimes, when I'm really grumpy (wha-aat? Jen gets grumpy? Get OUT!) I like to amuse myself by taking every little thing John says exactly the wrong way.

John: "So, you want a sub for dinner?"

Me: "Why? 'Cuz I'm too FAT to have a burrito? Huh? Is *that* what you're saying?"

John: "No! I just thought you might be hungry!"

Me: "Oh, I see, because I'm ALWAYS hungry, right? RIGHT?!?"

John: [backing away slowly before sprinting from the room.]

It's loads of fun.

Anyway, I can only imagine how much fun this lady had:

"Start talking, mister, or you'll be looking for wife #2 real fast."


Buddy? Nope. Not anymore.


Here's one way to tackle a friend's hairy situation:

"Cynthia, sweetie, this is an intervention."
[starting electric razor] "Grab her, girls!!"


When your dad turns the big 4-0, you want a cake that shows not only just how much you love him, but also how much time, thought,and effort went into finding him juuust the right design:

"Hmm...this purse design is a little plain. Oh! I know! Do you have any of those plastic Cinderella slippers back there? Yes? PERFECT."


Or, if that doesn't do the trick:

"I had them add the arrow so you wouldn't miss the teeny tiny heart. See how small it is? How there's all that extra room it *could* have occupied? Yeah? Good. Just checking."


Hillary H., Kris, Cynthia P., Mark R., & Kjaere, I love you guys this much. Which is to say, enough to type your names here.
Whitney Suzanne said...

My mother in law refers to me as her sons first wife.

Every. Time.

And always says stuff like "however long you two are together" and "for however long this lasts" and other variations.

And yet she "absolutely loves" me and is "so happy" her son married me.

Riiiiiiiight. Anyhow, my guess is the first one came from a mother in law. Least, I hope so...

I'm not the only hated daughter in law in the world, right?!

QuiltyGoodness said...

My father in law actually does sometimes call my mother in law his "first wife". He has no second--they've been married for 34 years. He just likes to rile her up. :) I don't think he would put it on a cake though.

Lauren Borquez said...

Not sure why I'm laughing so hard at my desk right now over the Buddy?Cake but I am :)

Erin - Thrift Madness said...

OMG, I totally LOL'd at the tiny little heart.

Kjaere said...

Yay! I made it on your blog! Achievement of the day - accomplished!

Tammy (Calgary) said...

I thought maybe that arrow in the last picture was pointing to the price tag! I love you for $26.99 but not for $30.00

TJ said...

Technically, that last one is a COOKIE wreck.

/epcot

Anonymous said...

What must they have been thinking

Jaime said...

I thought the arrow on the last cake was pointing to the price tag. Didn't even notice the heart until you mentioned it!

Ayla said...

Now, now. For all we know, "Dad" could be a drag queen. Or maybe a designer who specializes in purses and high heels. So that "purse-and-shoe" design could be totally appropriate for a 40th birthday...

Come on, I'm trying to find some reasonable explanation here!

Lulu said...

That last "wreck" actually had me incapacitated with laughter, I'm going to have to use that design for one of my friends at some point :P Comic genius!

[Oh and TJ, it is a Cak Wreck because its not an actualy cookie, its a cake meant to look like a cookie :P ]

A Paperback Writer said...

I LOVE the last one!!! That's brilliant!

And, as for the first wife cake, out here in Utah, that has a WHOLE different meaning.....;) (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

NYCGirl said...

Who would pay $26.99 for that?

Fanboy Wife said...

I think I'll give my husband an "I love you this much" cake because I'm evil.

NYCGirl said...

Who would pay $26.99 for that, even if it wasn't wrecky?

Moggypie said...

Oh, my. I was stunned into silence by the purse-and-glass-shoe cake for Dad, but the teeny weeny heart cake made me guffaw so loudly that the dog galloped across the house and into my office to see what was wrong.

jo said...

so, where's his second wife? do they live in Utah? does the second wife still work and is therefore not enjoying retirement?

Maybe the Buddy cake is an "I'm sorry I was a jerk so let me make it up to you by buying a cake, are we friends now?" cake. hence the question mark.

but why did they spell Happy as Harry? Harry Birthday? speech impediment issue here?

Cynthia's shaver cake (and commentary) had me LOL at work! I'm wondering what would happen if it were a waxing...The whole scenario reminds me of the scene in American Wedding when Jason Biggs decides to shave his privates for his fiancee the day before the wedding. (and then he shook out the bathmat outside the window, where the hair got sucked into a kitchen exhaust fan and got stuck all over the cake. Now THERE's a cake wreck!)

Poor dad! what a pitiful cake! btw, red and purple are the red hat society's colors (a "mature" ladies' group). I wonder if this is one of their cakes with a Cindy shoe slapped on it. WHAT'S THE LOGIC of ordering a cake like this for dad? is dad confused about his gender these days? does he have some cross dressing hobbies? is he a big Disney fan? Is this a dis because of Dad's "issues"? or are they showing him they accept him as he is, dress and all?

my head hurts.

I LOVE the cookie! another dis cake! I love you just a tiny bit you lying jerk! even the word "love" is written small. and the afterthought arrow stands out since it is all white with no extra chocolate like the rest of the letters. HAHA!

Tiffany said...

those are hilarious!

What the HECK is up with Dad's 40th B-Day cake?

"Honey, I wanted to get you a cake, but little Suzy INSISTED on picking it out...... um.... sorry....."

Ya, that must be it.

Rachel @ A Cupcake for Moose said...

Oh, that made my work day much more amusing. I can always count on cake wrecks to be the distraction of choice!

Anonymous said...

ooh, two cake wrecks in one movie! the engagement cake got wrecked too. they don't show the clip of what Stifler did to it (he played with the lettering) but then it got smashed in his crotch (and then the dog got hungry...)

about one minute into the clip is the shaving/cake clip. much briefer than the actual scene...Cynthia, don't try this at home.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=timI15C3lGg&feature=PlayList&p=D1C5FFA68119FC9E&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=1

Anonymous said...

My husband often refers to me as his first wife. And I refer to him as my 22 year one-night stand.

Anonymous said...

that cookie had better be as big as a pizza for that price!

T said...

I was also thinking that they were loved to the tune of $26.99... either way it's hilarious. (although it could have been FUNNIER if there'd been a 1/2 price sticker on the price tag)

Anonymous said...

LOL American Pie 3 also has a truffle "wreck." a truffle that wasn't really a truffle....hint: it's what cake #2 looked like Monday.

asifyoucare said...

I'll bet a young daughter had a large hand in picking out the cake for Dad's 40th birthday.

We get cookie cakes for our dog's birthday (because, what a great excuse to get a cookie cake!) and we let my daughter pick out the design. When she was three she picked a cat design... for the dog. I said, "Hey, what about this dog design? Bailey's a dog, after all." And my very logical three year-old said, "Yeah, but she likes cats, so she will like a cat cake."

Fair enough!!

MommaD said...

I think that the "1st wife" might refer to his ex-wife--it is common that a first wife will receive a percentage of a pension.

I know men who refuse to retire to not give the ex the satisfaction of getting a check!

Anonymous said...

Stifler's wrecking of the graduation cake is at :58 seconds. He misspells Jim in a rather naughty way...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMn9Pkr9OS8&feature=related

Anonymous said...

Stifler's wrecking of the graduation cake is at :58 seconds. He misspells Jim in a rather naughty way...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMn9Pkr9OS8&feature=related

Culinarychiq said...

LOL damn I didn't even see the heart on the cookie, I figured they asked to buy the price card and THAT'S what the arrow was pointing to:-p

Oh and the birthday cake isn't too bad if your dad is Eddie Izzard:)

Marytoo said...

I'm glad you explained the dad cake. I thought the shoe was a lawnmower... :-/ Ok, so I need some new glasses. Could not figure out the purse, though.

nicole said...

ROFL at the last one. Totally the cake I would get my dad if I ever decided to buy him one. Doubt he would see the funny, but who cares? It's awesome for those you love just a teeny bit!!!

Anonymous said...

the first cake gets wrecked (twice). this is the second disaster, followed by dogs. not suitable for kids ;)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHus8bX9Lxw

Anonymous said...

Lulu, that last one IS a cookie. But those giant cookies are called "cookie cakes" so they show up here from time to time.

Kaede said...

Cynthia's bridal shaver? Is is sort of like a mehndi party? But where the bride and her brides maids are shaved?

I know one dad who would love the purse and slipper B'day cake. His name was Roger, now it's Emma. A different take on "Heather has two Mommies"

The Dream Police Person said...

I love you this much --> ❤

Wendy said...

YOU. Are. HILARIOUS! Seriously, you are great writers that make me laugh. Thanks for the smiles!

Amy said...

My husband's grandpa often introduces his wife as his "first wife" - and they've been married over 60 years! :-)

- Amy

Tiffany Strong said...

Okay you need to look at people.com there is a great cake "ab" wreck.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for explaining the Cinderalla slipper. I thought it was a pair of salad tongs. I was trying really hard to make sense of it: maybe the tongs were reaching for that cherry in the punch bowl? Yeah, the purse and slipper make more sense. Kind of.

Tricia L said...

I suspect the retirement cake is for a guy who always introduces his wife as "my first wife ... ha, ha, ha". The office has been uncomfortable with the joke for decades, and is getting the last laugh.

Dad's 40th birthday might be in celebration of his upcoming surgery. Next year they will celebrate Mom's 41st birthday.

I'm surprised the big cookie is for sale and not a custom cake. It would be a perfect break-up cake. "I love you this much, you rat ba***rd. (smashes cookie across head and exits)."

Mary said...

@ Whitney Suzanne: OMG!!! we must have the same MIL. 20 years later I'm immune. I guess the poor woman on the first cake must be part of our extended family.

Anonymous said...

I thought I had laughed hard enough over the offerings until I got to this comment on the last one:

Fanboy Wife wrote: I think I'll give my husband an "I love you this much" cake because I'm evil.

I'd be tempted, but my hubby might take it the wrong way. Guess I'm kinda evil!

Mpita said...

No Whitney Suzanne, my mil and I do NOT like each other. She's under the impression, SHE comes first, she told me so! I told her that I now come first! course she also told me not many people had died in her family till I came along, I killed them all! the lady is loopy!

As for the cakes, arg, what don't people get, is there no one in the dept. that says "uh NO, you may NOT put that out!" Kind of like the marketing dept. @ Apple, where were the women when they though up Ipad? DUH, makes me scared that people who makes cakes like that also can run our states and government!

Mary Connealy said...

I missed two DAYS of Cake Wrecks while I was on the road at a book signing event of my own.

I can't believe how fun it is to see strange cakes. :)

Kathleen said...

I typically refer to my husband as "my first husband". The funny part is he WAS married before so there isn't much he can say in return. Instead, he likes to call me "his trophy wife" since we have a large age difference (and he is therefore my "sugar daddy"). Sometimes we refer to our marriage as "a one-night stand gone horribly wrong". Five children and 15 years later, it's still funny.

So you see? The cake DOES make sense. Sort of.

Allyson said...

My Dad introduced my mother as his 1st wife for many years. It was funny until they actually divorced...

Anonymous said...

I missed the heart on that last one so I thought the arrow was pointing to the price tag. 26.99 for a cookie? (that WAS a cookie
cake", wasn't it??) wow

Susie said...

Oh gee, my dad loves to call my mom his first wife. My husband picked up on it, too, but I shoot daggers at him from my eyes when he says it.

They just like to make people uncomfortable and awkward.

I'm SO not showing him this post, or I'll get a cake like that, too!

Of course, I could get him a purse/glass slipper cake as revenge!

KimHasCancer said...

Maybe Buddy? is fond of Penicillin?

Also, I am thankful Cynthia's friends decided against going too theme-y with the cake!

ingessin-the result of looking at these cakes!

Anonymous said...

how incredibly sad to only be loved that much :-(

Anonymous said...

Where are the San Diego photos? Love you guys!

Stella said...

oh gosh, where does one start? Now, is that for a bikini, brazillan or just a little off the top? AND the Dad 40th cake? We're just lettin' you know about what we know about that special valise bag you have hidden in the closet...

Anonymous said...

My husband refers to me as his first wife... but then adds ONLY. Which is very rare in our group of friends. I can't imagine it on a cake, though, unless there's some truth that once the guy retires, he drives the wife mad. (and AWAAAY)

(I refuse to discuss his mother)

As to dad's BD cake with princess slipper and purse -- I think his little daughter picked it out for him. "It was so cuuute, daddy! It made ME happy seeing it, so I decided it must make YOU happy, too!"

~~Di

Lady Anne said...

Whitney, my mother often calls ME her daughter-in-law. One year, we actually got a Christmas card addressed "To Son and his Wife". And that was before she developed dementia.

Pamela said...

I just love your blog. You are the Jay Leno of Cake Wreaks. Its your comments that really puts the funny over the top. When I first discover Cake Wreaks I spent every spare minute going over the archives. I think my son though I was nuts as I would be laughing every few minutes or calling him over to come see this one. I also love Sunday Sweets. You got me looking at bakery sites just to look at all the wonderful cakes that I will never eat but still enjoy. Doesn't the Ps on the cookie cake in the word Happy kind of look like Rs. Harry Birthday?

Pamela said...

Pam again. Sorry not the cookie cake with the Rs-- the little Blue rectangle cake.

Sweet Peach said...

Lauren said:
My mama always swears that when my daddy retires, she's going to kick the bucket and then he'll get a new wife and take her on cruises with his retirement money. Maybe she's not the only one who thinks that.....

Mary said...

Omg that 1st wife crack is always funny. I might have to get my dad a cinderella cake for his 80th birthday..I was thinking of a death cake...you know with a grim Reaper and old fart written on it...but do think that would be going to far? lol

Virginia P said...

I'm not sure the purse cake qualifies as a wreck. It looks to me like someone bought a "professional" cake with a purse on it (maybe for the Dad who is particularly pink-phobic) and then added poorly done writing, a shoe, and a 40 candle. This would make it an "amateur" ruining a professional cake.

Arlene said...

Oh my.. that 40th birthday cake is just scary. I thought at first it was for a woman but nooooooooooo it had to be for someones dad. Poor guy. Lol I bet they had to take him somewhere special to make up for the evil cake. And that retirement cake would have been beautiful if not for the first wife comment. How many wives is he planning on nabbing in retirement? A harem? lol.

Anonymous said...

For Dad's 40th Birthday, clearly they had a GOOD cake ordred and paid for....and then it got dropped or something, and the ONLY cake they had left was the purse-and-shoe version, hastily written on (over the design!) and with the candles salvaged and stuck on.

You'd think they could at least take the plastic shoe off.

JB said...

That "I love you THIS much" cake is destined to be a classic!!

And I would say, you are like the CONAN of Cakes, Not the Jay Leno of cakes....you're classier than Leno! ;) (Even if the cakes aren't).

Lisa said...

Maybe he's a polygamist, and his first wife was his main support through his career? ;D

Anonymous said...

I thought it was "I love you this much $26.99" like, my love is only 26.99 dollars worth. I didn't even see the teeny heart.

Anonymous said...

I'm surprised nobody's thought that the pink slipper cake just might be a joke. *rolls eyes*