Thursday, June 10, 2010

Rear View Wreckage

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Loyal henchpersons, I won't lie to you: today's post scares the bejeepers out of me.

You see, if ever a Wreck was cursed on this blog, it is the Baby Butt Cake:


I first posted one waaaay back in the infant days of Wrecks, but I soon had to pull the photo when I learned the baker was not a pro. So, I replaced it with a different butt cake. This time the baker was a pro, but was also none too pleased at having her creation be the butt of my butt jokes. So, I pulled THAT photo. (To date, I've only had about 8 or 9 bakers ever ask me to remove a photo. Not a bad record, for all that.)

At that point I decided the post was cursed, and left it.

However, today, dear readers, I face my fears. You see, the butt cake phenomenon has been growing unchecked, and is now threatening to overrun the world's baby showers. My friends, we cannot let this happen. Even if the cakes are well-executed,* I ask you: where is the sense? Where is the "cute?"

[*Heh. "Well-executed." Heh.]

Where...is the other half of this baby?


Aha! You see, most pro-butt bakers won't show you *this* angle.


Instead, they prefer to showcase their creations by the light of the full moon:


For many of these designs, the angle is such that it appears the baby is stuck head-down inside the cake - thereby answering the "where's the rest of him?" question, but raising several more of the "who buries a baby in a cake?" variety.


Other bakers unashamedly go with the Bisected Baby approach, figuring that a little fondant draping over that waist jutting off the side somehow makes the whole thing "work."


And since we're obviously not letting a trifling thing like anatomy get in the way, why NOT have Gumby knees?

Ouch.


This one almost looks like a head and hands popping up:



While this one makes me really....uncomfortable.

[looking left and right] Um...

Ok. Yeah. I'm just going to go ahead and say it:

The "Barely There Censor Bear" is really earning his money today.


And finally, let's end with something so hilarious that I have no choice but(t) to believe the baker is mocking the entire Baby Butt genre:

Yes!!
If you must have a butt cake, then this is the one to have.
(Always go for comedy over cute with body part cakes. It's safer that way.)


Thanks to Tina, Anony M., Carolina, Jamie, Marilyn W., Angie & Kim, Ashley D., Lisa E., & Jillayne, who are all bottom-feeders. In a good way. (Kind of.)
Taylor said...

The last one looks like a breakdancing baby that was partially honored in a cake.

(Get it? Partially?)

Trevor said...

I can't believe you didn't make some kind of crack about the bottom on the "baby boy" cake! Look at that split! IT goes WAAAYY up, in a very unnatural way.

And the last cake? That has some issues too. Look at the way the right leg is attached (Or isn't, as the case is) to the cake!

joyce said...

that first cake---that diaper is too full. I'd be afraid they used chocolate cake underneath. yikes. What are the bakers thinking? Who wants to cut into a baby's behind? Not me.

Jael said...

The one with the ducks? Would have been cute but for the butt.

Except that "baby boy" in quotes leaves me a little concerned. Are they not SURE it's a baby boy?

Kelley said...

All I can think of is how even more horiffic these wrecks would look once you start cutting in to them.

Kim said...

Wow. If I showed up at a baby shower and saw one of these cakes (minus #'s 5 and 6) I would be delighted and gush about how cute they are.

That said, it looks like the baker on #5 is really good a making a spotted cake, but had NO IDEA what to do with the poor baby's legs and feet. They look worse than Aunt Mary's cellulite-covered thighs in a bikini bottom.

Rose Varela said...

Can't believe you missed the "Bearly There Censor Bear"!

GET IT!? BEARLY, BECAUSE IT'S A BEAR, and it's even a wreck in its own.

Anonymous said...

Where is taste in all these?
The bits that tell whether it is a boy/girl, where are they?
In the cuts?
yowza.
May the fad be over quickly.
mocking

Stella said...

Can i have a bit of leg? Loved the commentary, as usual. You made me have a happy Thursday.

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Trevor and Rose,

Jen doesn't "miss" things. She's never late to the party, so to speaks. She arrives exactly when she means to!

That is all.

john

T.T. said...

Oh boy...or girl...or we just want to be suprised...*Shakes Head*
Annnyyywaaay, I had to text my sis and send her over here, and have her promise that nothing like today's examples would happen at her baby shower. I am still waiting on the promise.

sdreader said...

All of them . . . are horrible!

KatjaMouse said...

There's something really wrong about the last one, really because of the message "Get Out of there Nathanial!" If a baby is "getting out of there" feet first and already diapered there are too many levels of wrong to address.

KatjaMouse said...

There's something really wrong about the last one, really because of the message "Get Out of there Nathanial!" If a baby is "getting out of there" feet first and already diapered there are too many levels of wrong to address.

Miranda said...

Blargh, I do not want to eat butts! XP

Fluffy Cow said...

They all look like crime scenes to me. Really, really bad crime scenes with polka-dotted sheets to cover the gruesome bits.

Half Assed Kitchen said...

I wanna know how those legs are held up. By something very hard and crunchy, I would guess.

Sandy C/gscout73 said...

I absolutely HATE these types of cakes, and am a little frightened that they are gaining in popularity. These are right up there with the pregger belly cake. C-section anyone??

Who can honestly go to a shower and enjoy a slice of an infant???

These are so canaballistic in nature they just scream, "I have no class and no taste, where's my shower gift?"

I just shake my head in disbelief that these even exist.

TooTall said...

LOL I actually like *some* baby butt cakes, and have made one myself for a coworker, but you didn't eat the actual baby butt. That would be too weird. :-p It was rice krispy treats on a cake board, and we pulled that off, then ate the cake underneath. BUT, some of these freak me out. LOL

Ashley

Christy said...

Oh, wow...
I just cannot understand this trend. There are SOOOOO many things that are baby-related. Why would you want to eat the BABY, much less its BUTT!
OH, THE HUMANITY!

Trevor said...

LOL! John, I was trying to get my own pun in (in honor of Jen!). SOrry, humor writing has never been my specialty (Probably one of the reasons I don't have a blog of my own!)

Kirsten said...

At first glance I thought #1 was an egg over-easy covered with moldy cheese. As if that wasn't terrifying enough, I then realized that the egg had sprouted legs!

Jenamarie said...

"Barely There Censor Bear"

I just choked on my cheerios.

Funny story about your previous baby cake posts: At a recent baby shower I attended some friends and I were discussing the "look just like a real baby" cakes, when one of them said "I don't know, I don't think it would bother me too much to eat a baby" *just* as the room went dead silent. The mom-to-be (who was not part of the conversation, and was sitting on the other side of the room), looked over with the most horrified look on her face. We quickly explained that we were talking about *cake*, but it was quiet the red-faced moment for my friend!

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Trevor,

Don't worry. You rock absolutely.

Thanks and Wreck On!

john

jo said...

That first one has jaundice. Check out that orane skin (awfully gloss, too!) quite a load in that diaper, too. I wonder if it's filled with chocolate mousse.

#2 just emphasizes how creepy this whole trend is!

#3 If I were at that shower I would be soooo tempted to put a tootsie roll or hershey's kiss between the feet. or a smudge of chocolate on the crack. just to remind them of what a BAD idea this is.

#4: i like the colors and the ruffles and the banner. chunky baby legs, not so much.

#5: lumpy feet, cauliflower skin, no butt crack. that one is wrong on SO many levels. what's in the bowl behind it???

*shakes head at number 6*

#7: "This one almost looks like a head and hands popping up" (agreed. totally see it)

#8: has the best legs and skin tone (yay fondant!) and doesn't look like it's buried in the cake, but that the baby is leaning over the side. but still chopped in half. some wiseass someday is going to drip red jam down the side of one of these.

"The "Barely There Censor Bear" is really earning his money today." ROFL that's a money quote!

I think Nathaniel is related to Pinocchio. Those little wooden feet, and the hinged knees....but at least it's funny.

Rustown Mom said...

Good grief these are horrifying!! Butt they crack me up...

July19 said...

"Barely there censor bear" nearly killed me. I laughed so hard I choked on my hummus and cracker.

I love this site. Just way too much.

Gary said...

The Breakdancing Nathaniel cake is the only one remotely anatomically correct. It has some difficulty with the joints, but at least the legs seem to be attached to hips, instead of just floating on the top of the cake.

Not for the first time, I ask: What's cute about chopping up babies and eating them? And are these cakes expressing a wish for a breech birth?

4 Dudes said...

Why...oh why would anyone ever order a cake that looked like that!

Jenn said...

OK, I don't really like these cakes - I find them disturbing, but I shudder to think about what would happen if the bakers decided to try to create the heads/faces of babies...maybe we are safer with just the butts...

Jenn

TJ said...

Is it bad that my first reaction to the "Baby Boy" cake was that they missed an opportunity to reinforce that message?

Perhaps not since someone else had the same idea down the page. I wonder if the "censor bear" was not originally there, until someone put his or her foot down.

Joel Polowin said...

Would it be better if one of these came as part of a matched set, with the front half of the baby coming out of a second cake?

purplewowies said...

I HAVE to comment on the last two. The second to last looks okay in terms of the baby part (he's hanging over the SIDE; he's not inside the cake), but the cake itself is badly done. (And again, who would want to cut into a baby?)

Breakdancing Nathaniel is just awesome. I know what they're trying to get at, but it's like they're asking him to get out of the cake.

But yeah, all the other cakes stink.

WV: brani - If these bakers were brani, they would've never made this type of cake.

SalannB said...

Geez, I haven't been to a baby shower recently...and thank goodness for that!

I really want a snarky comment that would "split" you all up, "butt" I have none.

Anonymous said...

eww, Joel, what an idea!

jo said...

Shall we take a poll?
What's worse, the pregnant belly torso cakes, the realistic baby cakes, or the baby butt cakes?

Anna said...

You've heard of babies raised by wolves? Well, I believe these are all babies raised by ostriches. They're only doing what they've been taught, and cake is a much better thing to bury your head in then sand.

jo said...

um, "orange" and "glossy." what's happening to my typing skills today?

Gabby said...

Yeah, I've always been anti-eating a baby, I and make cakes a little bit myself but with no interest in making baby butt cakes ever!

Kelly said...

Baby Got Back came on the radio right as I clicked on your blog.

Is that perfect or what?!?

Jasry said...

My own baby shower is coming up in a couple weeks, and these scare the bejeebers out of me too. Pleeeeeease don't let anything like this show up! (I specifically showed the hostess the Darth Vader cake on here in hopes of heading off the pseudo-cute stuff like these!)

Heather said...

OMG that bear! That bear! Hahaha! Wow, I don't understand the baby-butt cakes at all.

J.B. said...

The first baby's butt looks like a giant golf ball. Honestly, look closely (if you dare) and you will see golf ball dimples on that unnaturally spherical behind!

Renee said...

I still don't understand eating animal or human cakes. (I'm not a vegetarian...just don't get slicing up Fido)

drgns4vr said...

These baby cakes (and all the realistic people cakes) just make me think about the slogan "Babies, the Other White Meat"
or, even worse,
"I like babies, but I can't eat a whole one by myself."
If I had been at a shower with one of these cakes when I was pregnant, it would have be time for nightmares and would have put me off cake for ages.
WV granumsh=the sound made when piting into a tasty cake.

Jessica said...

While all the other ones terrify and nauseate me, the last one cracks me up! It also looks really well made, I love the detail on the front of the diaper, and the Cabbage Patch knees :p Granted I still wouldn't want to cut into anything resembling a body part, so thankfully it looks as though there is still plenty of yummy cake once you remove the butt and legs!

Aliza said...

That naked-butt duck cake doesn't look like a little boy to me. Clearly the wreckerator needs an anatomy lesson ;)

Then again, nearly all of them have oddly shaped behinds & legs. At least #5 lays no claim to realism (nice lettering, though!).

Love the "bearly there" comment-- and that cake is the best of the serious ones, and the Nathaniel one is hilarious (clearly, this will when he's a toddler!)-- clever baker. Although the egg-like polka dots (yolka-dots??) are a bit disconcerting.

If these cakes were mocking toddlers "diving in" to a cake, they'd be cute. But infants would suffocate-- and if they're of sleeping babies, clearly these bakers haven't gotten the "back to sleep" message (reduces risk of SIDS). So I can't see anything cute about that at all...

sendingtheclowns said...

Joel Polowin said...
"Would it be better if one of these came as part of a matched set, with the front half of the baby coming out of a second cake?"
********
Well, let's think about that for a bit.
Even if the halves "matched," their being in two separate cakes would hint at the severing of the halves, so unpleasantness reigns.
The other scenario is that it might look like two, unrelated half-babies, each with its other half missing. Double indemnity...(as in, "demned if you do/demned if you don't"). A lose/lose proposition, any way you slice it, I say.
Let's just forget the whole/half thing, shall we?


=^e.e^=

Anonymous said...

OM OM OM.... I am lmbo (pun intended) on that last one legs akimbo!!!

Thank you so much for injecting some outrageous hilarity into my day!!!

Though, I find I must admit, these cakes are much better 'executed' than most you post.

As to a baker taking offence at being posted here -- get a grip - YOU DECORATED IT! I would think the free publicity would be worth it, so people can come in to laugh and then find that most of the creations at said place are not of the Wrecky variety.

We can hope.

~~Di

wv - neson -- that last baby cake was for neson. Ne loves his new son.

Anonymous said...

my 2 year old saw these and now is running around saying "BUM" "BUM" "BUM"!!!!

Anonymous said...

The 'censor bear' cake makes me wonder if it's supposed to be depicting some kind of breach birth. And the cake is the mother.

Anonymous said...

I am SO glad to see the return of the baby butt cake. It's the one that made me a Cake Wrecks fan in the first place! Brava!

~Nikki~ said...

I don't know about you, but I dont see a baby's butt and legs as the ideal dessert for my future baby shower or whatever. It's simply not appetizing to look at... certainly not these anyway! lol

check out my blog: nikkiscakery.blogspot.com

Cake Artisan said...

Just too ugly when there are sooo many nicer options... I hate the idea of cutting the cake when there's a baby on it...

thisamericantourist said...

For all that we wonder who would ever decorate a cake with a baby behind, I wonder just who is planning their shower cake and thinks, "You know what would make this perfect? BIG OL' BABY BUTT. And no head. Mitzy's gonna love it!"

I mean, we rag on the decorators, and they deserve it, because the cakes are ugly to the extreme, but someone, somewhere, decided that what they needed in their lives was a baby stuck in a cake. Whyfor, customers? Whyfor art thou wanting baby butts?

Angela said...

I didn't really need another reason not to reproduce, but these baby shower cakes do make a good one.

Anonymous said...

All of them look as if they're barfing into the toilet, except for the 2nd one--that looks like the woman only had half a baby!

I do like the last one though. It reminds me of my own little stinker trying to do a headstand XD

Anonymous said...

D:

horrifying

thank god I have never seen one of these in person, and I will make damned sure that nothing like that will be served at any shower I'm throwing!!!

Anonymous said...

JUST SAY NO TO CRACK!!

Amanda said...

I want to know why the last one has belly buttons on the knees!

Anonymous said...

I love the last one - it's hilarious. To me it looks like a bit of foreshadowing - Nathaniel as a toddler getting into trouble for diving into the cake.
As an aside - my 7 year old loves to look at Cake Wrecks with me. After she saw your post on the baby cake with the linked pictures where they cut it, she HAS to have a butt cake for her birthday this year because it was so gross. She wants red frosting inside and raspberry syrup so when you cut it, it oozes. I'm steering her toward something non-human and having this cake only as a family cake. She would love Joyce's comment about chocolate cake in the diaper. I hope she grows out of this stage soon.
Heather

Anonymous said...

I'm just glad they haven't started doing cakes of the baby crowning.

nicole said...

it's like the stripper coming out of the cake, only in reverse (reserve as in top half vs. bottom half AND baby vs. stripper). yikes

janet2buns said...

I'm with Fluffy Cow, I think they look like infanticide scenes, after the authorities show up.

Angela said...

Hah! That last one is funny. My second son is named Nathaniel, and he actually was born butt first. It would have been awesome to have a cake like that.

Kaycie said...

You know, I think it'd be better if they were all poorly done. Why waste such obvious talent on baby butts?!

Janelle said...

Baby butts are adorable...on babies!

Frosted Bakery said...

I own a small bakery, and over the last few weeks we’ve had several discussions about how to slow this baby butt movement... It’s seemingly unstoppable.

Julia said...

I don't have words to describe my feelings on this one but being pregnant, I am requesting NO cakes like these!!!! But to be honest a couple of these cakes are kind of cute...if you can get past the fact that they are only half of a baby.....

Queen of the Rant said...

Love it, love your cakes you are very talented

Anonymous said...

um, @ anon @ 2:31....here's a censored cake wreck. beyond the crown...: http://www.cakewrecks.com/2008/07/first-censored-cake-wreck.html

from 2 yrs ago. Jen, was there ever one of the actual crowning???

knitorpurl said...

How and why did this trend start? And how are people able to plunge a knife and then a fork into that?

And one more burning question- Does cake #5 have Twinkies for feet?

Anonymous said...

all this talk of eating babies reminds me of the scene in Nanny McPhee when the kids scare off a nanny by pretending to eat their baby sister.

though, rather in cake, they hid her in a stockpot and gnamed on some turkey legs with baby booties.

elissa said...

I don't understand...

[walks away in complete befuddlement]

Bree said...

I went to a cousin's baby shower last weekend. She's having a girl, and her cake was a lovely standard sheet cake that had baby blocks on one side, balloons on the left and it said welcome with the baby's name on it. No butts or legs poking out. Although I do like the Nathaniel one, because there's humor involved.

Teechur said...

OMG this is as bad as that disgusting game where someone melts different kinds of candy bars into diapers and passes them around so you can "identify" them. Really? Really? All I can say is THAT combined with THESE make GREAT birth control for those of us sans children!

Carolyn said...

The Gumby knees baby definitely looks like it has a bad case of Rickets!

Alexandra said...

Maybe the babies all went diving into the cake because it was so tasty looking?

Mags said...

Wait a minute!!! Both of my sons were born with club feet... making their little legs looks suspiciously like that "Gumby Baby Butt Cake!" Are they mocking me...???

LOLOLLL!!
:) Mags, Ohio

Joel Polowin said...

For what it's worth, what I had in mind was something like either the classic "saw the woman in half" magic trick with the two boxes separated, or a "portal" with the baby half way through...

Beth in SF said...

GAH what the what what? I'm so glad no one got me one of these for my baby shower!

Anonymous said...

all I can say is WTF?!

Maria said...

I can't believe a baker would ask you to remove a photo, especially of a butt cake!!

Stevens Family said...

I think most of those cakes are actually really cute and well done.

The Dream Police Person said...

Te seventh cake really got me, talk about flat feet!...

Jeffrey said...

Now I can easily imagine some female relatives of mine admiring a newborn and saying something to the effect of "Oh, you're soooo cute I could just eat you up!", but when you see one offered on a cake...

Here ya go, Aunt Sophie... dig in!

ladyrazorsharp said...

Most of these are the kind of thing that you go "OH that's cute" at.

UNTIL you have to cut it. Then it becomes something out of a horror movie.

No cake for me, thanks!

Lori @ RRSAHM said...

This must be an American thing. I don't think it's hit Australia yet. Let's hope it gets nipped in the butt before it gets here. Or something.

Anonymous said...

I can't WAIT to see the "Barely There Censor Bear" T-shirts! Sign me up!

Jaber said...

I agree with whether the cake is well done or not, what a disturbing thing to try and pull off. I've never understood the notion of eating a baby shaped cake at all, no matter what "end" of the baby the cake is supposed to look like!

Lindy Leigh said...

Oh my.

Rebecca said...

Get Outta There, Nathaniel!

I am now Oh So glad that I didn't have time to come check out todays wrecks this morning when I had my coffee. I thank the... whatever's up there... that I had company overnight and that I had to fix a nice breakfast for them. My computer would be a worthless heap of sizzling hardware if I had actually made it over here. Coffee would be everywhere. This was an excellent post!

B. Perky said...

cakes delivering breach babies?

Arlene said...

Ok that next to last baby butt cake is creepy beyond words.. needing that bear as a censor what on earth are these people thinking?? Baby butts are bad enough but nude ones? Lol I can only hope when I one day have a baby no one thinks of giving me one of those. Otherwise there may be trouble at that baby shower. :)

Craig said...

Were these cakes sold for half off?
(rim shot)

The last one does seem to offer the child in question a leg up on the world...

If the idea 'behind' these is to save money on the shower by getting people to leave quickly / without eating, I'd say they're likely to succeed beyond all 'expectations'.

A good reason for remaining childless? Try a good reason for remaining sleepless -- for about a week.

How to slow down the trend? Just Say No. Develop a book full of alternatives and offer a 'good taste' discount to anyone who changes their mind.

Little by little, we can expand the area of sanity...

wv: vermh. These cakes make me say, 'vermh!'

Tricia L said...

The 7th one with the white icing and the pink polka dot blanket threw me off for a minute. When I first saw it, my mind went "white hamburger and sewing machine pedals". Even knowing the theme du jour, it didn't register as "south half of a north-facing baby". Maybe that would make it easier to eat.

wv: chorm
Duff's bakery competition

Deborah said...

Glanced at the first cake all shiny and thought "poached egg", er nope.

inspiredpointsofview said...

My husband works for a prostate cancer non-profit and I suggested that they use this cake idea for their next office party. Of course then it would be an old guys butt , so much less disturbing. HA! Just kidding.

Tina said...

OMG, Jenn! The "censor bear" was over the top funny!!

Anonymous said...

@ inspiredpointsofview said...
"My husband works for a prostate cancer non-profit and I suggested that they use this cake idea for their next office party. Of course then it would be an old guys butt , so much less disturbing. HA! Just kidding."



"I want Sprinkles!" (hairy butt)

Nonamoose said...

I have NEVER in my life happened upon one of those cakes and I'm glad cus they are just all out creepy.

Guess it brings new meaning to "I like babies... but I couldn't eat a whole one"

Boy George said...

Hmm... The first thing that came to mind when looking at the "Baby Boy" cake was that they missed a chance to use the dreaded brown icing in an appropriate (if not especially appetizing) way!

Teddy C said...

What is going on with new mothers? This has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever seen. How on earth is this celebrating the birth of a new child? "Here everyone, have a bite of baby a**." Creepy and very bizarre.

Peachy said...

I so want a "Barely there Censor Bear" shirt now!!

Norkio said...

Christ it looks like the babies are trying to crawl back inside!

Jocelyn said...

hahahahahahhahahaha. I will laugh at this one forever!

Pikkewyn said...

The side profile one is interesting. You expect a cop to come along and lift the blanket so the crime scene photographer can snap some photos for evidence.
Okay, so is everyone up for some cake now?

Ashley said...

Not sure if you guys knew, but cakewrecks.com is mentioned in this month's Cooking Light magazine! It's in reference to a plug for another wreck-type book, but I thought it was cool to see you all in there.

Lisa Wagner said...

Hahaha! I had to laugh. My 3 year old was looking at these cakes with me and when we got to the one that is making fun of the baby butt cakes, he said "That one has ROBOT LEGS mom!!!" I laughed my head off.

Gabs said...

HAH! That last one was for one of my friends baby showers! That amuses me more than anything. (And yes, I DID think of CW when I saw it, but I'm not the sender-inner.)

Anne and Kathy said...

I hate to admit it, but I have made several of these baby butt cakes... thing is I can't stand them! But the people really want them... I just do as I am paid for!

1389 said...

How gross!

Anonymous said...

It looks like the baby is falling off the bed.

Sarah

Anonymous said...

I'm sure you don't post the remarks that make u think twice so I'm sure to not see my remarks posted. When I seen this website I had my thoughts about some of the cakes but the one thought I couldn't get out of my mind is how so many people have no life to think of better use of their time then to make a blog about how horrible something is or how much they dislike something!!!! Yet I didn't see any creations by you or any of your "fans"!!!