Thursday, July 30, 2009

Who Cut the Cheese?

Thursday, July 30, 2009

That's right, folks: the day you've been waiting for is finally here. All those hours of planning, long nights of anticipation, and stockpiling of Lactaid pills will finally pay off, because today...is National Cheesecake Day.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "Jem," you're thinking - because you frequently get me mixed up with the 80s cartoon rocker - "Jem, how is it even possible to Wreck a cheese cake?"

Why, like this, my adorably confused reader:

[singing] "This-is-how-we-do-it!"

Aww, I see this was taken on my birthday, Mike & Angie. Well, thanks for the thought and all, but that drippy brown splotch has just reminded me: I...uh...don't eat drippy brown splotches. Sorry.

So that's a traditional cheesecake Wreck, but what if I told you it gets even Wreckier?

BEHOLD, THE WEDDING CHEESE CAKE WRECK!!!

Yes, my dear Wreckies, I'm afraid it's true: that is a "cake" made entirely of cheese. And not a sweet cream cheese, either - oh no. I'm talkin' the stuff that gets described with words like "sharp," "green veining," and "stinky feet." And it's a wedding cake.

I wish I could say this is a one-time fluke, but unfortunately wedding cheese "cakes" are a growing trend. They're not in addition to the traditional cake, either; they're in place of it. Meaning there is no actual wedding cake at these weddings - just cheese. Cheese! As if that's an acceptable substitute!


What happened to the time-tested wedding arrangement? You know, the one where we bring expensive linens, crystal, and espresso-makers in exchange for a free meal, a little boozy dancing, and a slice of gorgeously decorated, oh-so-scrumptious cake?

Frankly, it only adds insult to injury when someone tries to "pretty" these things up, too:

Fake flowers and ribbon pinned (yes, pinned) into cheese wheels does not an elegant "cake" make.

Still, nothing's as bad as combining cake, cheese, and a pork pie all into a single display:

The question is, can you tell which layer is which?


Cass J., Anony M., Stella P., & Second Anony., I Camembert it; all the Gouda puns Havarti been used!


- Related Wreckage: "Cake" Cruelty


«Oldest   ‹Older   1 – 200 of 274   Newer›   Newest»
Taylor (My Older Brothers) said...

I guarantee the photographer makes the "Say cheese!" joke at every one of these ridiculous weddings during the cake cutting photo-op.



myolderbrothers.blogspot.com

Mopher said...

The reason I had a wedding was to get cake. The reason I GO to weddings is to get cake. To be served gross cheese instead is just wrong. And, no, totally can't tell which layer is which on the last one. Ewwww...

Anonymous said...

I would so much love to have one of those "cheese" cakes! To me, bliss is when I have a cheese that makes the rest of the family go screaming from the room because of the stench. Runny, crusty, or powdery-- a good stink, and a stiff drink!

Auntie Meme said...

Not pretty at all. I'm with Jen. Sometimes all that redeems a wedding is the thought of cake at the end. Unfortunately, they usually wait to cut it until all guests are ravenous wolves gnawing at the tablecloths.

WV: I've endured a million "satisms" at the hands of wreckorators.

Anonymous said...

I love this site!

Anonymous said...

This entry was cheesier than usual!

Sher said...

OMG... that makes me want to gag. Who would want a stinky feet smelling wedding "cake"? "Thanks for coming to my wedding - here is some toe cheese."

Amanda M. said...

That is just wrong. Cheese as the cake? What were they thinking?!?!

DevNAbbyMom said...

I don't even WANT to know what a pork pie is! Cheese for a wedding cake? That is wedding blasphemy!

Daisy Dee said...

Hey Jen, when do we get the list of book tour stops?!? ~Dee

Wide Awake Wife said...

So glad this cheese trend didn't start when I got married (4 years ago today)! My hubby may have fought for a "cheese" cake seeing as we normally have 5-10 different cheeses in our home at all times! Although it adds a whole other level of fun when it comes time to cut the "cake"!

mysleepinghusband.blogspot.com

Liz said...

As one who loves both cheese and cheesecake, I actually approve. The last wreck isn't really a wreck, as I enjoy the display stand a lot.

angieruns said...

No cake at a wedding??? I would just walk out.

Pangolin said...

My sis-in-law did a cheese wedding cake. She and her new spouse said the thought wedding cakes were hokey and never tasted good anyway. I think she's just a cake hater. But anyway, they at least didn't "pretty" it up or put a topper on it.

Disappointing since I love cake, but not a wreck in their case.

twocans1 said...

That's just plain nasty!!!


Yvonne

Rev. Vassago said...

Oh my dear lord, we've gone full circle. First it was cakes made to resemble other foods, and now we get other foods made to resemble cake!

I can't wait for tomorrow's installment: Ham cake.

Wild Cakes said...

I actually had a bride inquire about a cheese wheel cake at a bridal show last year...
(un)fortunately she never followed up! LOL

GingerBedlam said...

A little internet search confirmed what I suspected (in part because of the pork pie): this is a trend with its roots planted firmly in the dairy culture of the U.K., where cheese is viewed as an acceptable dessert and which is beginning to make headway here. Not that this fully explains the cheese in lieu of cake thing to me, but I have to wonder how much of the weird factor is based on our sense of aesthetics and how much our collective sense of wedding tradition. *shrug* I have no idea.

deckardcanine said...

Just yesterday, my dad said he didn't understand why some restaurants have cheese on the desert menu. I agree that it's out of place.

I rather welcome the CW entries that not only look bad but probably taste bad.

Judy said...

Hope the wedding is someplace cold. Eeeeewwww!!!!

Jane said...

I'm saying cake on bottom, cheese in the middle and pork pie (ugh) on top.

Now, I'm a fan of cheesecake...but these are nasty! "Stinky feet" and wedding should not be in the same sentence...

Denise @ Sunflowers, Chocolate and Little Boys said...

I just lost my appetite for the rest of the day. Seriously. Ugh.

Emma9405 said...

Oh no. No, no, no, no...NO! That is just...honey, no.

Boop said...

If not for the shopping cart in the first photo, I never would have believed it actually came from a store looking like that. I don't know why I would doubt it after everything I've seen here, but I guess "professional" cake decoration, much like humanity, never ceases to disappoint me.

Kate said...

There should be a law against such crimes of cake. I can see a tower of cheeses being a cute theory for an afternoon wine & cheese & fruit reception, but, when you think it through (or maybe try to test it perhaps), it is just wrong. Especially if you aren't going to serve an actual cake!!!

I don't eat cake and even I think it's disgraceful not to serve cake at a wedding.

HorribleLicensePlates said...

Ew, I can almost smell those cakes from here.

liz said...

Those are so horrible. Cake is really the only reason I go to weddings. A cakeless wedding is a terrible injustice. There is a special place in hell for the people perpetuating this cycle.

(wow, I just re-read this and I sound like a total nut-job. oh well.)

Savannah said...

I think I'm going to be sick. Who wants to go to a wedding and eat cheese? What kind of people think this is a good idea?

help us adopt
http://joshandsavannahadopt.blogspot.com

Karen said...

Wow! Those cheese wedding cakes are pretty gross. Just imagine the disappointment of the flower girl and ring bearer when they get to the reception and find out there is no cake. If you're aren't going to have cake, why bother having a wedding?

Double N said...

Thats just frightening. People do this? Really? Wow.

WV= arkepir- the sound one makes upon seeing a stack of cheese made to look like cake.

Anonymous said...

I would like to leave a witty remark but I am speechless. And confused.Perhaps we have been invaded by aliens and they are getting bolder as they grow more confident...

Hannah said...

Cheese is delicious - especially good, high-quality cheese with fresh bread. It's even often better than cake, I think.

Anonymous said...

Top: Pork?
Middle: Cheese?
Bottom: Cake?

Shell said...

Yikes~!!! These are worse than the worst cake wreak wedding

silly philly said...

Oh, pork pie...I'd not heard of that until I moved to VA. There are three different pork festivals featuring pork pie within a 50 mile radius and I've still not tried it, though MIL gave me her own recipe. (TG hubby hasn't requested it, eh?)

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Anonymous at 9:40,

Badumpbump! Try the veal!

john

Sara said...

Those real cheese wedding cakes remind me of the phrase, "putting lipstick on a pig". Pinning ribbons and laying fruit on a stinky hunk of Maytag bleu is just wrong, mister.

Kirsty said...

Argh! The cheesecake-wreck was pitiful, but I must step out in defence of the cheese-instead-of-wedding-cake. While I love cake as much as the next gal, when a friend got married she had a cake of cheese for the simple reason that her husband is severely diabetic, and thus cannot (sadly) eat cake.

Summer, Andy and Audrey said...

Jem! Is truly outrageous, truly truly truly outrageous...oooooo JEM! Thanks for getting the song stuck in my head.

Babsiegirl said...

Okay, it may be cute to have a cake made of cheeses on a buffet-style spread...But, under no circumstances should it EVER take the place of actual cake! What have we become, America, if we no longer serve cake at a wedding? Oh, the humanity!!!
I can't even imagine having to drag my children to one of those weddings where the couple insists on including kids, but with no cake as a reward for good behavior. The only thing they have to look forward to is the cake--it would be anarchy.

DevNAbbyMom said...

"Rev. Vassago said...

Oh my dear lord, we've gone full circle. First it was cakes made to resemble other foods, and now we get other foods made to resemble cake!

I can't wait for tomorrow's installment: Ham cake."

Or even worse...GULP...SPAM CAKE!

Taylor (My Older Brothers) said...

Our wedding anniversary of four years was last week. That would make saving the top layer even better! The longer you wait, the better it is! A nice four-year aged smoke gouda! Nothing says happy anniversary like bad breath from old cheese.

Cary said...

I am well known for my cheesecakes, and make half a dozen every year for our company Christmas party. Last year, someones wife, who knows there are always plenty of cheesecakes, made one anyway. The puny thing was covered in fondant (huh?!) and wrapped with a satin ribbon that she secured with....an earring! A gold stud earring stuck into the cake....she had PLENTY to take back home....sorry there is no picture...

Annapolitan said...

I made a tiered cheesecake for both my sister's wedding in 1991 and again for my brother's wedding in 1995. (Inspiration from Martha Stewart's "Weddings.") They were frosted with white chocolate cream cheese frosting and decorated with fresh flowers.

I also had friends who decided not to have a wedding cake, but they did offer their guests a dessert table.

I can't say I would expect a wedding cake at a wedding, but I do want something sweet!

A "cake" made of cheese might be a novelty (I could see it as a groom's cake, perhaps), but my feeling is that the wedding cake (AKA "the bride's cake") should be more traditional, and sweet.

I'm a big cheese lover, but wedding cakes made of cheese are just WRONG.

Skye said...

omg, were those green smooshy-looking things on the side of the 2nd cheese "cake" once strawberries?!?!

and on the last one i'm pretty sure the pork pie is on TOP- which is disgusting. who wants pieces of that falling on the real cake?!

adrienne said...

I keep warning people that this what you get when you hire a wedding planner at a Pepperidge Farms' mall kiosk.

You cannot imagine what they do with the footlong summer sausages.

ladykay said...

Behold-the power of cheese!

BillDarryl said...

Wow... a wedding may be the one occassion where cheddar definitely does not make it better.

And an entire cheese post without a "formunda" joke? I'm disappointed, Jen.

Terri Rogers said...

Now what I'd like to see is a bride who ordered an actual traditional cheesecake and ended up with one of these things. I can see it now... Bride: "Uh yes, I'd like a cheesecake to feed 100." Decorator "No problem!" 10 minutes later, decorator googles cheesecake, pops up on this and says "Now THERE'S an idea!" :)

Mikewind Dale said...

Since I came to Israel three years ago, I've been to probably 20 or 30 weddings.

That's the great thing about Israel: everyone invites everyone else. We're talking a babysitter handing her wedding invitation to parents she's only just met as they walk out the door!

But I digress. The interesting thing in Israel is, there's no wedding cake. None. Zilch. Nada.

But instead, we have the fun moment when the bride and groom sit down next to each other on the dance floor, and everyone else at the wedding competes to see who can do a wackier skit to crack them up. Last wedding I was at, some ten or so guys linked themselves arm-in-arm and did a giant ten-man swirling dervish.

But no wedding cake. So somehow, the cheese platter in lieu of wedding cake doesn't faze me! :P

Redheaded Wonder said...

Wallace and Gromit! One of those cakes must be made of wensleydale.

summur braley said...

Cheese cake is not my favorite dessert..............well now I don't think I will ever eat it again. Those pics are disgusting!!!!

תַּמְצִיתִי said...

My 8 year old son said, "Those are not cakes, they are piles of cheese!"
Very interesting new fad for sure!

Holly said...

Oh dear god I have to know which country/state the cheese and pork pie is from. I will forever have a personal vendetta against that locale now that the people from there have just make me lose my breakfast. And skip lunch.

Evalis said...

DevNAbbyMom said at 10:18 AM...

"Or even worse...GULP...SPAM CAKE!"

If anyone decides, in a moment of absolute insanity, to make this (particularly the wedding cake incarnation of it - *shudder*), remember to take pics and send it here and to thisiswhyyourefat.com for us all to gawk at. ^^

Anonymous said...

Why couldn't this trend have happened when I was managing a cheese shop? Why? Why?

That said, I would make this in addition to, not instead of, a cake. I love cake. I love cheese. Best of all worlds.

WV: frewfi : we all want free wfi

Aphrodine said...

Jem and the Holograms was, like, the best show. Ever. Period.

"Red" Merriweather Coast said...

I, personally, don't like the taste of cake or especially icing, and I'm not supposed to eat too many carbs anyway due to medical conditions. I'd love a cheese cake at my wedding. The only other option would be to order a cake that I wouldn't eat.

Frances said...

How funny that you're all so horrified by the cheese wedding cakes, this is actually the only thing I can imagine persuading me to ever get married. Least wrecky wreck ever, but interesting cultural divide. God bless cheese. (I'm posting from the UK)

Alex said...

Now, I love cheese, but this just ain't right.
First, weddings need cake (and cheese, but not in place of cake).
And second, dressing up cheese as you might a cake? Wrong again. Cheese is lovely like a crack in a zen vase. Don't stick a fake flower on it. That's like trying to make veggies into meat.

Rachel said...

OK that is just cruel. Now, I love cheese as much as the next person...probably more, in fact. And while that cheese "cake" idea may be a cute idea for the mingling/hor d'oeuvre hour and may even be cute if the couple were into wine & vineyards...but you can't just NOT HAVE REAL CAKE. That's so lame.

The second to last cake with the pinnings just looks like alternating layers of marble slabs.

Anonymous said...

On the cheesecake wreak who would want the piece covered in "pp"?

Anonymous said...

Ahhh, those heady days with friends & family... when you can serve them MOLD and get presents in return... I love weddings!!!

Mari said...

I understand the need for cheese, just don't try to disguise it as cake! We need our cake!

Emily said...

at least the red one looks like they tried to make it beautiful...can't say the same for the others...

Hello, I'd like a slice of the Lancre Bleu, please... *shudder*

Robin Bayne said...

Sounds like the bride and groom eat low carb : )

Shellgirl said...

Eww! Just Eww!

Erin said...

Bahaha! I love Jem :) I also think the all the Gouda Havarti joke was hysterical. I giggled terribly and co workers glared at me. Good stuff!

Renny said...

I love cheese with a passion that can't be compared to most things...
this... is a cheese travesty as well as a cake travesty. Double travesty!!

Nick said...

Oh wow, those wedding "cakes" look delicious! As a cheese fan, I would love to have one of those at my wedding. :)

Anonymous said...

I love cheese (almost as much as Wallace & Gromit - thanks, Redheaded Wonder, for making sure they get their due on a post about cheese), but I want to see a real cake at a wedding. Cheesecake is fine, just not cheese as cake.

And the pork pie / cheese / cake one makes me scared of what my British and Eastern European friends will dream up for their upcoming wedding. Or maybe I missed it and this is what they had!

Michelle S. said...

hahahah! I love these!

I would never have come up with this on my own. Nor do I have no plans to marry. But I confess there was a fleeting moment when I saw them that I suddenly wanted to have a wedding and serve a giant stack of cheese wheels cake. Now, I can appreciate a pretty and delicious real cake as much as the next girl. But these table-creaking monstrosities make me weak at the knees. My eyes are boggling. They're glorious! They're cheese! MmmmmmmMMMmm.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, you guys only go to weddings for the cake??? Duude.

Passion Fruit said...

I have no problem with a cheese arrangement at a wedding, if the people are so inclined. But I rather not see the crusty, moldy skins on the damn cheese wheels festooned with organza and flowers!

:|


WV: recalk - like recaulking but for cheese.

Anonymous said...

I like cheese. I like cake. I like cheesecake. But to make wacky combinations of the three or substitute one for the other is well, just wrong.

ashleyalvina said...

you've featured dead body cakes, all-too-real-looking fish replica cakes, and insect cakes - none of which made my stomach churn. I had started to think I was losing my gag reflex.

...that 'pork pie' number just about did me in though (*moves garbage can closer, just in case*)

heebedee jeebedee.

Anonymous said...

But I LIKE big wheels of ripe, runny or stinky (or all three) cheese. And pork pie.

of course, we did the cheese as part of the "cocktail hour" at our wedding. We didn't do cocktails, come to think of it. We served home brewed beers, big soft pretzels (warm) and a selection of fine cheese (some stinky, some runny, all big). We got cake at the end, thee layers, three flavors, and my greedy guests ate all of the best flavor before I got to taste it.

But I dunno, cheese at the end of the meal is actually more traditional in most cultures.

I once made a cheesecake with Roquefort-a layer of pears in the middle. It was more of a snack thing for a party. People loved it.

Would the wheels of cheese be OK if they were decorated, say, by Duff Goldman in a professional and whimsical way?

What if it was really cake, but made so well that it LOOKED like a few wheels of cheese? Or better yet, a cake that looked like a pork pie?

Ethan, Zach, and Emma's Mom said...

When my brother got married, he and his wife had Pizza in tiers, instead of cake. Because they don't like cake. WHO DOESN'T LIKE CAKE?

Elizabeth said...

I'm not opposed to the idea of a cheese cake at a wedding, provided it accompanies the real cake. I think it would be a cute idea to be served with grapes and crackers and whatever else goes with cheese. (I would stick with pretty cheese though.) But as the primary cake, I don't think so. Pork pie on the other hand should not EVER be seen at a wedding. I've only had it once, and that's enough for me. By the way, definitely the pork pie on top, then cheese in the middle and cake on bottom. I can only image pork pie niblets falling onto that very plain looking cake. I'm sure that would make for a memorable reception!

agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Wow, people are really greedy. I would think the reason to go to a wedding is to see people you like get married and help them celebrate-not to stuff your greedy face with cake.

@KAren: the wedding is not for the flower girl and ring bearer.

@ Basie: we have become Americans who don't eat cake at every wedding. it doesn't ruin our culture, whatever that is.

@ Ginger B: it isn't just the UK..most of the rest of the world has a cheese course for dessert or between dinner and dessert. Americans screwed it up.

There are people who go to weddings just to eat cake? Wow, people, please stay away from me. For shame! You should go to the wedding to celebrate the people who are getting wed.

Steph said...

Heehee, nice one noticing the pp on the cheesecake!

A cheesecake wedding cake is a great idea! If you don't want a cake, maybe serving squares of cheese would be OK, but not just a big block of cheese. That reminds me of The Summer of George where George eats a wheel of cheese in his underwear.

Jak said...

Cheese > Cake

I prefer a good cheese to a bad dry cake like those served at every wedding ever. Or, you know, just cling to tradition, because if we've always done it, it can't be wrong!

.elle denise. said...

Awful waffle.

BellaLovesPink said...

Gross. Just gross.

jackie31337 said...

As much as my partner and I love cheese, I don't think even *we* would have a cheese "cake" as our wedding cake. Maybe in addition to, though. ;)

Anonymous said...

You are not allowing for cultural differences. :) In England, wedding cake is traditionally fruit cake (the fruit soaked in rum variety) covered in fondant. Frankly, when faced with that and cheese, I'll take the cheese anyday.

greyfuzzy said...

Actually, while I wouldn't REPLACE the cake with a 'cheese cake', I think it would make for an awesome groom's cake or something. Mmmm, cheese.

Also... "What happened to the time-tested wedding arrangement? You know, the one where we bring expensive linens, crystal, and espresso-makers in exchange for a free meal, a little boozy dancing, and a slice of gorgeously decorated, oh-so-scrumptious cake?"
Maybe this is the bride and groom's way of punishing the people who show up to their $300-a-head open-bar wedding with a $10 Wal-Mart gift card, used "As Seen on TV" tchotchke or even empty-handed, instead of with the espresso maker or linens?

Taylor said...

I don't go to every wedding just for the cake. But if I'm dragged along because my wife knows the girl getting married and I've never met either person, I have to admit the cake is the highlight of the event for me.

I don't think everyone's being completely literal when they say they only go for the cake. Unless they're crashers, that's simply not true. So let's all just calm down and enjoy the cheesy goodness.

Kirsty said...

I had a cheese wedding cake, and it looked awesome. then again, it did have dinosaurs on it. I also had normal cake though. and muffins.

eilbeback said...

I love cheese, too. And cake! But to lure people to an American wedding whose tradition it is to serve cake-cake, and serve cheese instead, is a dirty trick! Besides, those piles of Brie in that one cake are a travesty... an afront to a perfectly yummy cheese.

Jen said...

WOW. I'm speechless. Seriously...cakes made from CHEESE? Wrong on so many levels.

Louise said...

I think this is definitely a cultural divide - these cheese 'cakes' are very popular in the UK for couples that prefer savoury to sweet. Even without a 'cake', there's normally a cheese tray.

And I think America is really the only country where it's not normal to have a cheese course at the end of the meal - although, having seen what sometimes passes for cheese in America, I don't blame you (joke!)

Honestly, you Americans are such philistines (joke!)

p.s. pork pies are delicious!

burpandslurp said...

wowee! Those are some amazing cakes! I am a total cheese-whore so the sight of those huge rounds of cheese is making my head spin and my mouth drool!

MJS said...

Oh! A wedding with a cheese cake is like Thanksgiving with BBQ beef (that was not a good year, let me tell ya!).

ewesley98 said...

Wow...I'd thought I'd seen it all on this site, but this one got me. What really gets me is the fact that the cheese was probably sitting out for hours.

And yes, I agree that Jem was one of the more awesome creations of the 80s :)

jackie31337 said...

DevNAbbyMom said Or even worse...GULP...SPAM CAKE!

You know what would be perfect on a Spam cake? E-Z-Cheez frosting. It has that star nozzle built right into the can. You could make yourself a pretty fancy Spam cake with that.

Anonymous said...

a few years back, I was working as a Nanny. On this particular day we had visit for the 4'Oclock tea and was asked to bake a cheese cake but it was supposed to be pretty easy since DrOetker would help! but somehow, I got distracted by the kids playing around in the kitchen and forgot to put the cheese in the mix! Later when the guest arrived, we served the cake but realized something was wrong but could not figure out what... ater that night, we found the cheese stil in the fridge...oops! my bad!...

good thing though, they didn't ask me to bake after that (which you coud probably tell, I suck at!)

Michelle said...

I guess I'm a "best of both worlds" kind of girl but, I'd have the cheese "cakes" for the appetizer course and a traditional American wedding cake for dessert. That way everybody wins!

jess said...

EEEEWWWWWWWWWW! It looks like these were *real* cakes from a wedding a few months ago, just all moldy and gross now!!

BTW, I'd be so pissed if I went to a wedding and was only offered CHEESE! Isn't wedding cake the whole reason people get married?!?!?!

Valerie said...

Wow, I'm definitely more blown away by people's responses than the cheese-wrecks. It's not a wedding if there's no cake? Really?

I admit, these examples are pretty wrecky, but I've seen several of these cheese wheel cakes done well and if it's more personal for the bride and groom, why not? There are some really fantastic cheeses out there.

Becca said...

Oh Man, this is my dream!
Although my cheese "cake" will not look like those, ick. I've had some seriously bad wedding cake in my day... gross and disappointing. But, I've never had a bad piece of Manchego...yum.

Anonymous said...

A secret undercover photo reveals WHY we confuse Jen with Jem.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3003/2911789875_549907f2b5.jpg

after all she is, Truly Outrageous.

Norkio said...

Pork freaking pie? You have got to be joking! No? That's just wrong.

bodoba said...

The sad thing is in that last one...no I can't tell the difference. That's disturbing to me on so many levels.

Shannon said...

Aaaaannnnnnd my diet is back on! Thanks Jen!

By the way, what the heck is growing on the wall in that second picture?

Mira8 said...

Ok yes, a flour and sugar cake at a wedding is traditional, but it's not the REASON for the wedding for crying out loud. Some of you are reacting to this cake-of-cheese phenomenon with the kind of horror I'd reserve for cannibalism...

Charlene said...

Personally? I *loathe* cake. Just loathe it. At least I could eat the cheese without gagging.

Malibu Niki said...

The second one is by far the worst one - repulsive. If I were the bride, I wouldn't even display it - assuming it isn't what she asked for... ;)

Ex Smoker Girl said...

Cake..made of cheese...at a wedding? How disgusting!

PS LOVE LOVE LOVE this blog! Now every time I browse my local grocery store or super center, I've got my eyes peeled for wrecks!

Anonymous said...

Noriko, Pork Pie is wonderful. It's like Chicken pot pie, lobster pie, pasties, sambussa and any number of savory pies. They DO exist, you know.

Savory pies were made so workmen could have a nice lunch they could put in a pocket or poke and take out on the moore, or into the mine, or whatever. They've existed for HUNDREDS of years.

Do you think pot pies are gross? Do you realize that mince pies originally had pork, or at least pork fat in them? some still do? It is Mince MEAT, right?

Anonymous said...

My brother in law had a wedding cake at his first wedding that was a replica of the church, AND it was made of cheesecake. Lots of dancing, hot room--presto. The Georgian front pillars and pediment started to fall away from the rest of the "church." Later we realized that the marriage probably started to fall apart at the same time.

Scritzy said...

I'm hungry, so I am going to get some cheese now. I have both a nutty Swiss and a very sharp cheddar calling my name.

Word verification: biketh. I wouldst biketh many a mile to partake in thy matrimonial ceremony, if I can only haveth cheese.

Julie said...

Now I really love cheese, but an entire wedding cake made of cheese wheels instead of cake is just not right.

Besides, how can the bride and groom smoosh it into each other's faces if it's just a hunk of hard cheese?

Drawn to Caricature said...

In Lancashire in the UK (my home county) there is a tradition of eating cheddar cheese with fruit cake! I kid you not and I have no idea how it started, but at least we don't forget the CAKE. The Quote goes "A little bit of cake without the cheese is like a kiss without the squeeze!" I've never seen a cheese cake like these before though!

Melinda said...

@ DevNAbbyMom and everyone who responded to her...

There are SPAM cupcakes. They're frosted with mashed potatoes. You can see the recipe here, with a photo.

http://www.foodchannel.com/recipes/761-spam-cupcakes

As for cheese as cake, no thank you!

Anonymous said...

COOL!!! I'm not a sweets person, and hate cake (only enjoy laughing at ugly ones) so these rock - savories to go with more wine instead of that nasty, disgusting sugary crap called "dessert."

Cheesecake Momma said...

At first, even despite the nasty blob on the first cheesecake I was thinking, "hummm...they may be ugly but I'm sure they are tasty."

Then, the cheese "cakes" started and this pregnant woman became nauseous. Thanks for making me not want to eat cheese for the next 6 months.

Morgan said...

Now, I loves me some delicious cheese, but it has no business taking the place of a wedding cake. Cheese plate during cocktail hour? Great, I hope you also put out some quince paste and almonds. Cheese plate instead of cake? HALES TO THE NO. YOU CANNOT FROST CHEESE.

S3XinthePantry said...

Everytime I read cakewrecks I wonder if I'll see something better than the firetruck weenie. With almost ever post, I think "that can't be possible"

Today all I can think is "Pork pie?" Pork pie? Pork PIE?

I'm not sure you'll be able to top this post....

Chellonia said...

I'm guessing that last one was at a British wedding from the traditional condiments on the side - Branston pickle and Colman's mustard.

Frankly I'd rather eat cheese then cake and love a really good pork pie, but decorating either as a centre piece for a wedding is just wrong and bad.

heartfruit said...

I can sort of understand a cheese cake. I was recently at a wedding where the groom and several guests were gluten sensitive. The opted for gluten free lemon cupcakes though. Understanding aside, the flowers on the forth cake look like Remembrance Day poppies and that's just wrong on any wedding cake.

Jodi said...

O.k the pics were funny but the commenter prefers "a good stink and a stiff drink" brought it all together for me. Thanks for the funny!

Kristen said...

There was a cheese table--a really good one--at the last wedding I attended, but they also had a truly decadent chocolate cake. Wonderful combination!

That said, knowing how hard most good cheeses are to cut (they're either hard or they squoosh,) I can't imagine what a pain those big ol' stacks o' cheese were to cut under the pressure of 200 guests all ravening for a bit of fromage.

Michelle said...

I love cake! I make it on any possible occasion and I'm dang good at it....... BUT if there is one food I prefer over cake at any given time, it would be cheese. That is why you have a nice cheese platter (not shaped like cake) AND a wedding cake. That would be bliss.

kat said...

Why?

Luke said...

Looking for more cheese puns? check this out, from a renaissance fair I went to last year.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDqlQd6QZgU

Anonymous said...

Pork pie is like chicken pot pie..only with, um...pork.

Yes, Europeans (and the British) have a cheese course between the main dish and dessert. Some opt to skip dessert.

It's good, by the way, and can be very satisfying.

BUT. It is NOT traditional to serve a wheel of cheese decorated as a cake.

Every EU country I can think of serves a sweet cake-like dessert at a wedding.

Don't know who screwed that up, but it wasn't France or the UK or anybody else.

kerry said...

I wouldn't mind a cheese "cake" but it shouldn't be any of the blue cheeses - those don't look right. I love cheese in any fashion, so I guess I'm biased.

I do hope people are exaggerating when they put such an emphasis on the cake- "that's why people get married."

Cheese, cheesecake, or sweet cake, it should be tasty.

Grace said...

I am laughing but yet nauseous. Do they ask the bride and groom to cut the cheese ?

Stephanie said...

Wow... those are UGLY!
And "cakes" made of cheese? I love cheese (being French, it's pretty hard not to), but even in France we don't have cheese instead of cake at weddings! Cheese is served BEFORE dessert, not AS dessert. And in any case, I intend to have a nice, ultra-sugary, non-wrecky (I hope) American-style cake at my wedding. Mmmm... :)

msyendor said...

Eh, however you want to take the cake. But, please, if you're going to serve any of the stinky variety of cheeses at the wedding, foreworn people. I'm one of those that can't stand the smell. And multiple perfumes/colognes are bad enough. The cheese would send me over.

I know, I know. If I'm 'too sensitive' I could always walk out. I'll leave the wedding gift behind, but I would be seriously 'cheesed' at being forced to miss the party and eat out in the parking lot.

Otherwise, I love cheese even for desert (especially the crumbly, English ones with the lemon/ginger and mango bits in it)

Nicole said...

Ewww that just puts a whole new meaning to 'Cheese Cakes'! Because before now I always wondered where the cake was in 'cheese cake' and if there was really any cheese involved. I really wish I never found out.

Fluffy Cow said...

SO glad I was not the only one to get stuck on Jem...

Anonymous said...

Of all the weddings I've attended, I have only enjoyed the "wedding cake" at two of them: my own, and my brother's -- and he had chocolate chip cheesecake. All the other wedding cakes have been dry and nasty, with revolting over-sweet icing. I would take my brother's cheesecake, or a well-assembled cheese table (Brie, Stilton with cranberries, Roquefort, cheddar), over the styrofoam-and-sugar-shock any day.

Beedubya said...

Good...lord.

Giana said...

So, I like cheese, I like cake, and I like cheese cake, but "cake" made out of cheese makes me want to vomit.

Anonymous said...

Stephanie:

I like the French Traditional Wedding Cake, better, even, than regular cake. Sometimes.

There's nothing like a nice croquembouche!

~ L. K. said...

I want the last one!!! That's a marvelous idea! (In that really horrible 'WHAT IS THIS' sort of way.)

Christine said...

I can dig a "cheese" cake at a wedding! Especially since they so rarely involve fondant.

chicken lips said...

Gnarly. Cheese in place of cake, what is this world coming to??

ehudwill said...

I would have loved to have a giant mound of cheese at my wedding. I love cheese. I would not however have replaced the wedding cake with one made of cheese.

Anonymous said...

And here's a Jem Cake!

http://static.squidoo.com/resize/squidoo_images/-1/draft_lens4744022module34478392photo_1242700499jemcake.jpg

Sue KuKu said...

I am a cheese whore, too! Just the one comment about Manchego got my mouth watering!

That said, I think the cheeses would look so much better individually laid out artistically on a table.

A cake would also be served.

But a wedding with cake AND lots of yummy cheese?

I'll sing at your wedding for free, if that's the case!

Mmmmmmm, cheese!

Sue KuKu

Jen said...

Just wanted to say that I've really enjoyed following Cakewreck! Although this one was "cheesy". ;)

Some of my regular readers have started to follow your blog as well (I have you linked on my blog).

Thanks and keep up the good work!

http://pogmothoinblog.blogspot.com/
http://jenniferannphotos.etsy.com/

einsideout said...

I love cheese, but I don't understand why anyone would do this. However, I've seen that they do. I work at the cheese counter at a grocery store, and this summer we've had a woman come in and take photos of various wheels of cheese in preparation for doing this. I love cheese, but it's not cake.

Jena the yarn harpy said...

I love cheese. I do. But this is just too much. Who loves cheese enough to replace the cake completely? Even a hard-core Atkins/low-carb follower can't possibly bother with carb-exclusion on their wedding day! And to impose this on guests? Ew. Just... ew.

To quote the great medical genius, Dr. Gregory House: "Cheese is the devil's plaything." (Season 2, Episode 14, "Sex Kills)

Christina said...

No offense, but to everyone saying that they only go to weddings for the cake: REALLY?!?!!?!
You're not going to celebrate the bride and groom's special day? That just seems sad to me.
Ahem...
As for the cheese cakes, I like the idea, just not the execution of these. These are wrecky.
I would have opted for something a little more formal, like a camembert topped with rasberries, hazelnuts and a fine selection of chocolates. Served, of course, with nutella and crusty bread.
There is nothing wrong with dessert cheese.

karina said...

I flew first class once on my way home from the Philippines. They offered me a choice of wine and cheese for dessert or chocolate cake or berry tart. I chose the chocolate cake AND the berry tart, but bypassed the wine and cheese. WHY? Because, people, wine and cheese are NOT dessert!!!

StuffCooksWant said...

Horrific that someone, anyone, would consider cheese an acceptable substitute for wedding cake. (And I LOVE cheese!) How do the guests get their sugar high to go along with the champagne high? I'll bet every single one of those marriages end in disaster.... starting out like that.

Little Lovables said...

oh my goodness... barf!

I wonder, when the bride and groom cut the cheese, do they still smear it in each other's faces, or do they use a can of Cheeze Wiz for that?

Caitlin said...

My OCD kicked in. I found myself counting the letters in Happy Birthday and the number of slices to see how they should have spaced it out on the first cake, in order to write the greeting all the way around. Please help me, I think I'm losing it.

Carrie said...

FYI: In celebration of National Cheesecake Day, The Cheesecake Factory is has their cheesecakes for half off!

The Accidental Parisian said...

I like the idea of a cheese board as wedding cake, but why are they so hideous?

Anonymous said...

And that would be when me (and my gift) headed out the door. No cake?!? That's cruel and unusual punishment.

E.M. Green said...

Dear Jem,

Firstly, I love your music. I used to watch your show all the time. I'd kill for that hair.

But what I really wanted to talk about was the offensive material that you showcased on your last entry named "Who Cut the Cheese?". Cheese cakes, cream or wheels, are highly offensive to my being.

I mean that in the most literal sense. Being lactose intolerant, my body ached in remorse and literal pain of a possible gaseous situation.

I was a loyal reader, lurker and true, and now I'm swaddled in doubt at my blog reading choosing. What if my non-existent child saw this entry? They might become bold enough to make one of these lazy cheese wheel cakes and try and serve it to me. And who would I be to say no to my fictional brat. I just can't face the possibility that I child that doesn't exist could cause me to forgo my biology and torture me with Shropshire and brie.

I am reluctant to say that I will be reluctant to read your future entries reluctantly. I can handle boobs, phallic symbols, obscenities, racial slurs, and pooh allusions just fine but dairy (other than that normally found in cake baking) is going too far.

Your Holograms performances aside, I'm very disappointed in this entry.

Sincerely,
Flatulent Fan

Raspberry said...

Oh. My. Gosh.
What kind of a wine do you serve with THAT?!

Laura said...

Now I love cheese, cake, and cheesecake, but these cakes are ridiculous!! Cheese shouldn't replace cake at a wedding! I can see it at a buffet or something, but not a wedding. If the happy couple wants cheese, fine, let them eat it. But please serve the guests the real thing!

wv: unchani - the resemblance of these cakes to real cakes is unchani, in addition to unappetizing

Anonymous said...

Its not that cheese is disgusting, its the HUGE presentation that is off putting. Can you imagine the odiferous cosequences a tower of fermented, moldy, sour milk produces? Yuck..cheese is described as smelling like vomit, sweat, fungal feet, and dare I mention the medical discription of a womans vaginal yeast infection...as "cheesy" odor. After thinking about this I know why you'll only find a small amount of mild chedder in my fridge.
To each his own but in my book a nice cheese platter is attractive but the stinky cheese tower is a Cake Wreck.
I'm new to this blog and I love the laughs. Thanks

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Dearest E. M. Green,

I am tasked each and every day with reading through the many many comments we get here on Cake Wrecks. Most of the time, I look them over, and put them through if I don't find anything offensive. Occasionally, I'll show Jen a particular comment as soon as it pops up because I think she would want to read it right away as opposed to the end of the day when she usually reviews the day's comments. I actually read your comment aloud to Jen. That's pretty rare.

You rock.

john

Anonymous said...

I was like "Hey a cheese cake wedding cake? That's bri-" And then the ugly truth set in.

Why would you do that? It's so hideous. I think they threw a wedding where they hated all of the guests just to make them suffer.

Anonymous said...

Jem, all i can think of is Jem! the hideous Jem barbie doll my sister toted around... ooh, put it on one of those...um...cakes. thanks!

Anonymous said...

Ewww is all I have to say to that pork thing. EWWW!!!

HEATHER said...

Well, I have been sufficently horrified for the rest of my life! Thank you! This is just so wrong!

Ruthie said...

I suppose if Wallace (of Wallace and Grommit fame) was getting married, this would fit the bill.
WV: My heart "syngs" that my birthday cakes have never been made out of cheese.

Hanna said...

Oh, I love the fungus-covered cheese cakes. It looks like something you'd find at a zombie wedding. Or in the fridge of a bride-gone-insane who was stood up at the altar but refuses to throw away the cake.

sendingtheclowns said...

Oh unspeakable words.
The second one...
I can't see what the grotesque-looking bride & groom dolls reeaally look like...but that is a GOOD thing.
I can't really PROVE that it's mold creeping up the side of that one cake layer ... that's a REALLY GOOD thing.
I can HOPE those aren't blops of small-dog feces circling between the two thickest cheese layers... so there you go-- that is a REALLY REALLY GOOD GOOD thing.
And hey--I don't care WHAT the occasion is--a wedding, a shower, a lawn sale, or a freaking out-on-bail celebration; I love cheese with every curd of my being.
But that thing is just UGLY to an as-yet-undiscovered degree.

Mrs. Foodie said...

We have the same birthday!!!! Cheese is good for you.

Rozi said...

I can't help but wonder what the Branston Pickle and Colman's mustard seen in the last picture will be used on, urgh.

Lucia said...

ahhhhhhhh ewwwwwww ohhhhhhh!!!!!
wow! just wow!

~lucia

Jen Joy said...

Just looking at all that cheese could make me constipated for a month.

Deirdre said...

ya know...if it was just a nifty way to make the cheese plate different and more wedding-y...I might not mind. but skipping the real cake to have that? um....no.

Anonymous said...

Strong cheeses can be made into savory cheesecakes. Just decorating plain cheese wheels seems lazy to me. Delicious! But lazy.

Rachael said...

Personally I can't stand cheesecake, and after seeing these cakes.... I hate them even more. *barf*

Tara said...

You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me.

Anna Cassidy said...

My first thought upon viewing the first cheese wedding cake was that it was ugly, but not THAT bad.

Then I realized what it was, and I died a little inside.

j.cro said...

Clearly vegans weren't on the guest list...

sendinthenewclowns said...

Hmmm....two of the layers/wheels on the 3rd wedding cake down are--I SWEAR-- made of different-colored GRANITE.
I live in a city that is *famous* for its granite quarries, granite-laden cemetaries, granite tourist attractions, and myriad granite products, so (as boring as the subject might be) I know my granite.
Fascinating.
I didn't know that there was an igneous cheese.

Aunt of 14 said...

E.W.!.!.!

I'm thinking maybe these are diabetic people getting married? Can't have traditional wedding cake? I don't know. Please don't shoot me.

AFWingMom said...

That was ridiculously awesome.

AFWingMom Lisa

Alana said...

FYI, anonymous, pork pie is nothing like chicken pot pie. It's a dense sausage-like slab of ground and re-formed pork inside a pie crust. Usually with a thick layer of that gelatin goop like inside a can of Spam. In fact, it's a lot like Spam with a pie crust where the can should be.

Anonymous said...

at least we haven't seen any headcheese wedding cakes....yet.

Angie Jackson said...

I had a cheesecake for my wedding, but it was made of actual cheesecake, not Brie (ew). It was pretty, with red rose petals and little sauces on the side for strawberry, chocolate, or caramel cheesecake fans. Honestly, the cake was the best part of the wedding (certainly better than the groom).

angietheantitheist.blogspot.com

weeona said...

What is this!? Low-carbers gone mad???

I don't eat dairy/eggs so most cakes are a no go for me as it is, but to have the cake be actual just straight up cheese?

Ick.

sendinthenewclowns said...

So, back to the "stone" cheese that I can't seem to get out of my head--the one with the ribbons nailed on and the clunky, silvery stand that looks like it should have a music box inside.
Yeah, that one.
Look, I'd really like to think that this one was actually NOT for a wedding--could you please humor me on this? I mean, take a stroll around that room...look at the "reception" table. Mismatched particle board? No linens? The only *pizazz* is under the cake, in the form of a pouf of blood-colored polyester...
Look at the curtain thingy behind the boring, board-room chairs; it looks like something that's drawn between hospital beds. Festive, much?
I'm done. What I am willing to accept here is that this is a photo of a room in a community club type of hall... like for, say, the Royal Order of Cheese Kings Choosing Heavy Essentially Elemental Savory Edibles [ROCK CHEESE].
They could be throwing someone's retirement bash here.

Rachele said...

I own every season of Jem on DVD!

I had to stop watching it because my 3 year old started mimicking the "Misfits". Oy.

Truly truly truly outrageous!!!

desibarbossa said...

You know, having that as an aside wouldn't be bad at all, at least if they left off the doll toppers *gag*

But in place of an actual cake? I'd be embarrassed to do that to my guests!

Amy said...

Yuk! Is that a European thing? Cheese--real cheesecakes? They've got to be kidding!

Ingeborg said...

I don't know how they have the guts! Aren't they afraid to be murdered by cake-craving wedding guests? :/ I know I would be.

I wouldn't mind a cheesecake wedding cake, though! (As in actual cheesecake.) I looove me some non-smelly cheesecake.

enfanta said...

I like it. You can have cake ANY time. You can probably make a better cake than you get at most weddings. But cheese? A GOOD cheese? And do you have any idea what a good cheese costs? I imagine those cheese cakes cost as much as a wedding cake. Not that I know the price of wedding cakes these days...

If I could have Martha Stewart's people make me a cheese cake for my wedding*, I'd serve it. And then I'd offer little tiny cakes for people who'd like something sweet to end the day with.

*wedding entirely fictional and in no way in the offing.

("Andepoi" Hawaiian meets Peruvian in this tasty, festive treat!)

Anonymous said...

That second cheese wedding cake is GROSS! Who would want that?

Rose A. said...

Who would have thought there would have been cakes made of cheese? On Cake Wrecks? Jem, you are truly outrageous!

msyendor said...

Hey, Sendinthenewclowns, now it all makes sense!

The perfect troll wedding cake: A delightful selection of granite, shale, marbles, and stones delicately decorated with fragrant, colorful mosses and weeds and delicate slime molds from Lancre. Served alongside the shop specialty of meat (not on a stick), in a crust specially created by the best Dwarven bakers.

Call: Cut-me-own-throat Dibbler, master confectioner.

Peachkins said...

I like cheese. A LOT. I would never even fathom having a wedding cake made entirely of cheese. I mean, dang.

Strange Angel said...

Ew.. just ew.

Anonymous said...

Wow, people are really greedy. I would think the reason to go to a wedding is to see people you like get married and help them celebrate-not to stuff your greedy face with cake. [snipped]

There are people who go to weddings just to eat cake? Wow, people, please stay away from me. For shame! [snipped]


Clearly, our humor is far too intelligent for your comprehension. Since you find us shameful and greedy, why don't you toddle off to a "just us" blog and bother with us no more?

By the way.. I wouldn't eat the cheesy cakes. I might taste a shaving of each, but cheese for a cake IS wrong. Have what you like for your wedding, but if you have to take home multiple wheels of cheese that only have small bits missing, you've wasted your food budget.

Preview WV: Perit. Perit the thought of Holier Than Anon might actually show up at MY wedding.
Publish WV: Snize. Anon's snize attitude has ruined my good mood. Fortunately, I don't let such things weigh on me too long.

Faith said...

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little... urp.

~Faith

Rickie said...

I'm utterly confused by the shock and horror in this comments section. I think a cake made of cheese sounds absolutely delightful (and no, I'm not from the UK, I'm an American living in America.) Cheese is a traditional last course in many places, including in many American restaurants, which is why I find this mass confusion...confusing. If the bride and groom prefer savory cheese over sweet cake, who's to tell them that they're wrong?

I'm also surprised by the horror surrounding the pork pie. Are people perhaps misunderstanding and thinking that it's sweet? It's not, it's just cooked meat with a sauce and possibly some vegetables, inside a pastry crust. Like chicken pot pie. What could be more delicious?

isabellerogers said...

Er...cake, cheese, pork? At least they gave the guests choices.

Anonymous said...

Cakes of Cheese...ewww!!!!!

Catrine said...

Wait ... you're NOT Jem, of the Holograms?

*puts away her 80s cartoon autograph book*

I like cheese, and have no problem with cheese trying to look pretty as a cake. But when it tries to replace cake? You're absolutely right. That crosses the line!

Char said...

Wow, that last picture. I think I just threw up a little.

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