Monday, June 14, 2010

Just Beachy

Monday, June 14, 2010

Summer's here!

Time to celebrate the sandy beaches, pink and orange sunsets, and crystal blue waters of the...uh...


...apocalypse?

"And the sky didst turn black, and the sea to ash, and lo, the Wreckerator did thusly expendeth her wrath upon the pink paper umbrella. Eth."

(Before you ask, no, this isn't another oil spill cake: it was sent in last year.)


Gee, bakers, all you need for a decent beach cake is some water and a palm tree. How hard is that?

Ok, let me rephrase that.


How about just a palm tree? A nice, simple, cheery...

Great gobs of corpulent crappy coconuts, what is THAT?!?


Right. Um, let's get back to the beach scenes, shall we?


Looks like someone's beach birthday has a heavy chance of sprinkles:

Yeesh. Now that is a crumby way to color a cake.


Still, I guess it's better than this "beach umbrella" here:


Or as I like to call it: "Sprinkled poo dreams, in four movements"


Ally F., Alyska B., Jodee R., Shae, & Colleen M., this is one time when I can honestly say I don't want sprinkles.
Fanboy Wife said...

Perhaps summer cakes should only be made by bakers who have actually experienced summer, or are mature enough to quit "hiding" poo-designs in all of their cakes.

Taylor said...

On the palm tree CCC, all I can think of is that top-most brown cupcake when it's separated from the group. As a whole it's bad, but on it's own, it looks like an icing tumor.

Donna said...

I'm at an utter loss for words...*shakes head*

Classic Steve said...

Most of these aren't terrible IMO -- just the two whose intended shapes are barely discernible and that bring fecal matter to mind.

Miranda said...

But of course the palm tree sticks out horizontally over the water! :P

Apocalypse Beach. Great name for a summer goth night at the club. Can I gank that?

Jael said...

Four movements. AWESOME.

Half Assed Kitchen said...

Yep, just add a little paper umbrella and you have instant FESTIVE!

Anonymous said...

Dear god, where do they get their skills from?

joyce said...

maybe the bakers are "celebrating" the oil spill??

Bloggin in PA said...

I love the caption for the last one "Sprinkle poo dreams" :-)

Galadriel said...

You know, I've spent the majority of my life in Florida, and I've never been on a beach that had a palm tree on it. Nearish them, sort of, yes, but never ON the beach.

jo said...

1) ooh, that's cheery. the pink paper cocktail umbrella just livens it all up. they should poke a few holes in it so it goes with the disaster theme.

2)either that palm tree is about to be hit by a tidal wave, or someone has a problem with perspective.

3) coverage! why are we seeing half-naked cupcakes? oh yeah, beach scene. what a wonky poo tree.

4) brown sugar clumps, plastic trees, cocktail umbrella, sprinkles, and--TOOTHPASTE? yeah, that looks professional. Minty toothpaste + raspberry cake. flavor combo of dreams.

5) a poo tornado! I miss those! and it's--at the circus??

Anonymous said...

Ha ha! Four "movements"!

Miss Fauve said...

Sometimes I am glad I am gluten free, because no one makes craptastic cakes like that for me.

The amount of shortening involved is destined for re-runs, of that I am absolutely sure.

"Sprinkled poo dreams, in four movements" Brilliant. So glad I hadn't had my cup of coffee yet.

Trevor said...

Okay, that last one? The first thing I thought of is "IT's a poo-nado!"

kilgore said...

That top one looks like a scene from "The Road". How depressing.

Flartus said...

"Great gobs of corpulent crappy coconuts..."

Classic, Jen, classic. Thank you!

Anonymous said...

1st cake - made by a seer.
3rd cake? The blue side looks like a profile from the now collapsed "Man of the Mountain"(NH) rock formation.
There's no beach anywhere near that old site.
Jen, you are hysterical.
Mocking

afrancis said...

Yeah... I'm still sticking to my original thought that the "island" in that first cake looks like a chicken breast... on a cake!

WV: Copin - the wreckerators were copin out when they made some of these wrecks!

Moggypie said...

Dang. You beat me to it with the first cake and the oil spill footnote. On the last cake, however, is that not a poo tornado coming our way?

Suzanne said...

I think the first one was made by BP's public relations people. "Sure the water is toxic, but you can sit under this cute pink umbrella!"

T said...

hahaha
"Movements" had me laughing out loud - for real!

Amy said...

You know, I was at this beach this weekend and it didn't look anything like those cakes. Am I missing something here?

John and Sarah Sperry said...

Ugh, I can't stand the perspective on the second one because it's like a bird's-eye view with the beach and then, apparently, a coconut tree lying flat on the sand. BOOOOOO

The Dream Police Person said...

If you held that last one upside down, it kinda looks like sprinkle-eyed ET riding in an upturned "umbrella" or multi-coloured clown flower. I love it! :D

Esty said...

That one looks like a poo tornado, kicking up a pile of ... er, poo.

Sarah Rosenzweig said...

I think the last cake should be titled "Willy Wonka's Tornado-of-Poo"... with sprinkles!

Lizziebeth said...

I like the caterpillar (centipede) leaves on the palm tree on the dreaded cup cake cake cake cake.

jess said...

The umbrella taking a multicolor poop is so great.

Anonymous said...

Poo cupcakes. (blech)

Jennie said...

It actually looks like a poo tornado with sprinkle debris. Ick.

Destinie said...

The last one looks like a tornado coming out of a rainbow cloud. It's like an optimist's version of a tornado. "Sure it can kill you, but look at all the pretty colors..."

Jessica said...

I could forgive the crumbs as sand on the 4th cake... IF....the water wasn't just a sea of sprinkles...
The two cupcakes iced with flower petals were kind of cute....

debbie said...

I hate to say it, but maybe they were thinking of the oil spill.

Anonymous said...

I think the first one is supposed to be a moonlit beach at night, but then why have an umbrella at all? That one must come from the laminated 'clinical depression' page of the grocery store cake decoration binder.

Brenda said...

Four movements. Oh, dear.

drgns4vr said...

Why, why, why didn't the cupcake people just use their globs of icing to decorate all of the cc with flower tops. They would have had just as much icing and a prettier presentation.
Of course, they probably wouldn't have made the CW scene.

crownring said...

I showed the photo of the third cake to a good friend of mine. She said it looked like the Loc Ness monster taking a dump.

Aliza said...

If the wreckerator for the first one hadn't been colour-blind, it would not have been a wreck. Maybe the only time that person ever saw a beach was during a terrible storm where the ocean was a grey froth and the sky was scary-dark? But I like your religious explanation better!

Maybe #2 is after the storm, when the palm tree had been permanently bent horizontal??? Otherwise, I'm flabbergasted that the person didn't know trees grew UP out of the ground! (how could someone miss that?!)

Love "great gobs" of newly redefined CCC! At least the flower cupcakes aren't bad!

That sprinkle cake screams "I really could care less about my job"! Sadly, I think the "four movements" cake is actually better than the sprinkles one. Gevalt!

Tricia L said...

Were it not for the recognizable bakery label on the second cake, I would swear it was made at a bakery in a remote Tibetan village by someone who has never had the opportunity to see even a photograph of a beach. Apparently it was just a clueless American with a piping bag. (sighs)

Mama Martinez said...

#2 = tsunami cake

cutelilsnot said...

omg - the ccc looks like "eco-poo" - something you might step in while walking along the beach in Costa Rica...yea, waaaayyyy too much of a poop theme going on here. When I see umbrellas (REAListic umbrellas) I think of refreshment, not poo.

BADKarma! said...

Aw, c'mon, can't you see that first one is a Sumi painting? No, really. HONest. Would I lie to you? (blinkblink)...

Martha said...

The second photo looks like a tsunami ready to hit the tree, and gee, has my dog been dropping coconuts again???
Thank you, Martha in SCV

Anonymous said...

"corpulent crappy coconuts"...indeed.


wv: ullyelbb
yep.That's how they make me feel too.

Anonymous said...

For those who haven't left these fair shores...palm trees can, and do grow leaning out over beaches. Just think..coconuts float, wash ashore and grow.
See example (and I can verify - I have been lucky enough to go there)
http://www.superstock.com/stock-photos-images/42-2885B

But still doesn't excuse the poop on the beach. I don't want to see a photo OR a cake of that.

wv coidd: They coidd it a day.

Emily said...

Ahhhhh!! TSUNAMI!

Jimma said...

On the fourth cake, please tell me that those plastic palm trees are not the variety used in aquariums.

And if they are, please tell me that they are new and were washed with a 10% bleach solution before being stuck in the cake.

Of course, with these bakers, that is probably too much to ask.

Anonymous said...

Oh for pete's sake - whoever pete is. These are from one of those planets that have "different" suns, moons, atmospheres. How do you know it couldn't look like it "there"? And you call yourselves geeks, hmmmmm. And there you need the umbrellas for the really large flying critters. Norine

Arlene said...

Arghhh what is with all the poo? Or are the wreckerators trying to tell us this is what to expect this summer? If so I will not be going to the beach I will hide out at home safe from the poo cakes waiting to grab some unsuspecting soul lol. But I must say that third cake.. my mind went way into the gutter to describe what that poop mess looked like.. now I need soap to scrub my brain.

Anonymous said...

The first cake looks like a chicken cutlet tucked under a crocheted blanket.

starygrl said...

Christine

I feel sorry for whoever gets a frosting free piece of the tsunami cake... how sad!!

Amanda said...

That second one made me laugh so hard. It's just so RIDICULOUS! haha!

Chrissy said...

That last one looks like a poo tornado in technicolor.

Jess said...

Sprinkled poo dreams...in four movements. ROFL!

Anonymous said...

Three of these are not planet earth.



The doggy doo doo & coconut cake surely has a very limited market? (OK, own up the person who ordered it!)

ladyrazorsharp said...

Reminds me of the unfortunate cake that was served at a posh dinner party on 'Beverly Hills Chef' (or something like that)...one of the young chefs took it upon herself to add beach umbrellas to an (otherwise lovely) tiered vanilla bean cake. The hostess saw it and went ballistic and the chef got her feelings hurt ("It's whimsical," she pouted) but in the end they served the cake sliced with edible gold foil and raspberry sauce and no one knew about the wreck.

Beach umbrellas = instant wreck? Looks like.

Alex said...

The first one isn't really a wreck, it's just at night.

It's also notable for being very light on icing, which is pretty rare for cakes made by the incompetent. Normally they'd just slather it on there.

latinacreativa said...

Oh Man! Are all those Jersey Shores? Or I guess in light of recent history, Louisiana Shores? Still, deep belly laughs are what they give me, so it's all worth it! Keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

Hey, with the onset of this spill, please remember those beaches that we can't visit and enjoy :(

~Nikki~ said...

LMAO.... these are sooo bad, but good for a laugh... and that "umbrella" one... it looks like poop with sprinkles!


check out my blog: nikkiscakery.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Is it just me, or do the "waves" in the fourth cake look like, um... sperm? Maybe I've just seen too many bad cakes, because that's the first thing that leaps to mind.

Craig said...

A tree-sized umbrella could shade at least 50 people. I guess the Scale Police couldn't respond in time to put a stop to that wreck because they were busy scarfing down doughnuts the size of truck tires.

The last one is a dreaded Poo Python (note the characteristic 'sprinkles' marking) lying in wait under a clothesline. Caution: Always wear Really Big Boots (from the maker of the Tree-Sized Umbrella) when Poo Pythons are about -- you do NOT want to be bitten by one of those.