Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Father Figures?

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Yeah, yeah, I know Father's Day is over, but if I don't share these Wrecks now then I'll be the only one having nightmares. And we can't have that, now, can we?


Hold me.


Tighter.


"Hi there! I'm the face of your future nightmares!"

"See you real soon! Heehee!!"


Thank goodness for that plastic plaque; at least something here is edible.


So, what do you get for a #1 Dad?

I'll give you two guesses.

Here's a hint:



Thanks to Nicole B., Travis P., Sherrill R., Angie L., Melissa S., & Michael M., who, despite the nightmares, still prefer sawing logs to...er...yeah, never mind. I totally just grossed myself out.

dawn said...

That "Happy Father's Day" flotsam looks like the lid of a metal gift tin. Even less appetizing than plastic!

Anonymous said...

Wow. A bevy of wreckiness there.

Salann

Donna said...

Ewwwww attack of the poo! And the poo fish is even multi-colored!

Trevor said...

At least with the picks we don't have to worry about people misusing "your" on the cakes.

What IS that second one. I stared, and stared and stared. I just doing get it. I thought the next one was a soccer ball until you zoomed in on it. Hm. I still think it is.

And look, I think this is the first time I've ever seen "Poo Vader!" Poo Vader... FTL!

Tricia L said...

CW #1 - Are those eyes made of prunes?!?!?!

CW #3 - Left over World Cup soccer cake converted into a face?

The rest? Excuse me, I have to hurl.

wv: multerol
The stuff they add to icing to make it so shiny.

Anonymous said...

Is that last one a fossil skeleton of an animal preserved in tar?

Anonymous said...

#1: eww. it's smiling. and has prunes for eyes. Is this some attempt at a paternity test? what's with the random blue cupcake on the side?

#2: what the hell is that icing streaked thing? a fish? with a beak on backwards (or really big lips?) without fins it looks like something hatching out of an egg. or a plant.

#3: a soccer ball with a face? I'd be scared too. thanks for sharing. I think. (they forgot to cross the t. maybe it's a secret message... or a threat) Fal her....hm...

#4: is that cracked lime Jell-o?

#5: why would they make a tie out of poo? I'm suggesting #1 is sarcastic. But they just couldn't find #2 Dad flotsam. Dad, you're a ****!

Amazing Cakes By Vanessa! said...

What a fabulous book signing party last night in Tempe! It was great to see th 39 cupcake entries, and I was amazed that there were two from yesterday's Father's Day post. Wreck on everybody!

Anonymous said...

What are those first few cakes even supposed to be?

Sarah Schwerin said...

Eew - that 3rd one looks like the creepy masked magician that gives away all the magic secrets! *shudder*

Robert Williams said...

Shouldn't the little sign on the tie cake (second from bottom) read "#2 Dad"? Sure looks like #2 to me. Just sayin'...


WV: soleliso (noun) An italian opera number celebrating excellence in shoe leather.

Kristine said...

2nd to last one - it's the monolith of poo! Awesome.

Stella said...

yuck. There are times where you don't have to cover things in jello. Well...wrestling comes, oh never mind.

Me! said...

Dear God I may never sleep again. Thanks a bunch.

Anonymous said...

Oh,dear. The last cake with the poo football is dreadful. And does the second cake say "Happy Folher's Day"?

Anonymous said...

uh.. that was supposed to be a tie? Thank you, unknown anonymous for defining #5. I just had no clue.

Now as to the 'poo ball' -- amybe someone asked for a foot ball and couldn't speak well over the phone? We know how cell phone usage can 'break up'.

*Sigh*... nightmares personified in that -- that -- uh, "fish"???

~~Di
This will be interesting as my visual verification is a little red x in a box in the top left corner.....

Larissa said...

OK, everything else aside... what's with that one blue cupcake in the first one?

Drawn to Caricature said...

All I can say, what were they!
Certainly not edible! Eeeeeeeewwwwwwww!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I thought the "tie" was a sporan - you know, one of those purse/pouch things that Scotsmen wear to keep their kilts in place over their privates. The whole bunch makes me shudder. Norine

A Paperback Writer said...

What is that random blue-iced cupcake in the first pic supposed to be? A superball? A mutated smurf? The nose in the picture is the scariest thing by far, but I just don't get that blue thing at all.

Elizabeth said...

I pointed at the last couple and asked my 21 month old what they were. She loudly proclaimed, "poopy!" So there's the expert opinion.

Anonymous said...

Oh good god, what is wrong with people?

The Boob Nazi said...

I love these.

Albatross said...

My sister bought our dad a CCC for Father's Day. It was supposed to be shaped like a watermelon. As soon as I saw it, I thought of this blog. I joked to my sister that I was going to take a pic of it and send it in to Cake Wrecks, and she got mad. LOL

~Nikki~ said...

What the heck is #2???!!! Seriously, I can't figure it out and I can't even connect to anything related to Father'd Day! LOL


check out my blog: nikkiscakery.blogspot.com

Amy said...

I love how the reflections in the plastic lid on the last cake look rather like odiferous fumes...

(Also, when I first saw the pick on the "fish" cake, I thought it said "Hi Dad!" which would have been amusing for a mass-produced pick. Of course I was wrong. Sigh.)

Anonymous said...

I think these are the most puzzling wrecks I've seen in a very long time. I furrowed my brows at each photo. What is that blue dot in the first one? What is that green jelly in the other one? I don't get it. Do people actually step up to the counter at the bakery, ask for the poo cake, happily place it in their shopping cart feeling like they just got a super deal and then skip away?

morriganscrow said...

The second one looks like a very anaemic Sideshow Bob, after he had one of his eyes explode.

I thought the last one, the pile o' poo with the picket fence on top, was very...um....

Never mind.

Brooke said...

Not getting "tie" at all out of that one. Of course it has to be a tie because I don't know of any Father's Day poo volcanoes in the natural world. Though apparently pig-tailed raisin-eyed children exist in wreckerator world.

LeftWingLock said...

The random blue thing in the first wreck is the infamous Twelfth Cupcake. The one that is advertised but not usually needed to complete the "design", so it's just randomly placed as a "decorative accent". I amuse myself by looking for this Rudolph of the CCC world, ignored by its overly-frosted reindeer brethren, waiting for the day it screams "I can't take it anymore!!" and inserts itself into the middle of the "design", demanding acceptance as an equal participant in the CCC wreckage.

Or something like that.

disclaimer: This is what meeting Jen and John does to you. =D
Had a great time last night at the signing, thanks for bravely coming to AZ in June! Carrie, Chris, and Nikolai

Sharon said...

...

worst cakes ever.

Please tell me no one tried to eat those. Those are Fear Factor quality.

The only thing to be done with them is load them in a catapult and launched at an unsuspecting enemy. Your dad would agree.

The Black Dog said...

The first cake looks like a deranged Goldilocks!

Jael said...

The reflections in the plastic on the last one give the illusion that the poo-ball is steaming.

Or maybe it really is steaming.

Either way, ew.

Beth said...

I'm pretty sure that second one is supposed to be a fish. You know, because all fathers like to fish. Right?

That first one... nothing says "Happy Father's Day" like having a blonde pig on your cake! Egad!

Rob W. said...

I agree with dawn that the flotsam is a gift-card tin. Which means either someone is really cheap and just stuck the lid in the cake, or someone has to purposfully put their fingers close to that "frosting" and risk losing their fingers to the chemicals therein.

roballen said...

#1 has totally mystified me with the addition of the blue cupcake. Before that, it was just the ugly face of a mutant...something.

#2 appears to be a goat? Is there some tradition of wishing your father a goat? Comparing him to a goat? ("Thank you...is this because I head-butted you last week? Jeez, just because a guy eats a few tin cans...")

nicole said...

ewwwww... on the football poo cake, there appears to be brown run-off and smearing... takes me a place I don't want to go, we'll call it "hershey-squirts"-ville.

T said...

just when I think it's safe to go to the bakery again...

Kim S said...

It's SOCCER HITLER!!!! Note that it doesn't say "Father"; they actually misspelled "Fuhrer"!

Nancy said...

People actually eat this stuff? Hectic.

Isabella said...

I *think* the second one is what happens when you try to mix SpongeBob SquarePants' DNA with Squidwards and then smash the offending creature with a nice flat rock. I'm not sure though...

Brandon said...

The second one reminds me (somewhat vaguely) of the Borg Queen. The pale skin, the elongated head, the random blueish tentacles/machine components to replace her hair...

Laura P. said...

Wow. I mean, EEW! Who would ever buy these? I find it amusing though, that that #1 Dad pick is on the second cake and the second to last cake (i also first thought it said "hi dad").

What is the second cake? I can sort of figure out the others, but that one has me baffled.

Leftwinglock - your comment was so hilarious! I'm going to start searching for the rudolph of CCC's as well! lol!

jo said...

wow. thanks for pointing out the steamy reflection on the pooball. ew.

and I think you're all correct about the gift card tin lid. WTF!! Look how it even smooshed the Jell-O where they placed it. (How did they get the Jell-O to crack?)

another note about the poo-tie (that first Anon was me, Anon/Di). The way they made the design "concentrically" struck me funny the second time I looked at it. It's as if the flotsam in the middle made ripply waves in the pooblob. It's like poo in motion!

Eve said...

I think the second one is an opossum. I don't know why the second one would be an opossum, but that's what it looks like to me. Maybe because it's Dad's job to deal with roadkill?

(I remember once as a kid demanding that my dad pick up and help us properly inter a rabbit that had been run over on our block. My poor Dad; he put up with a lot!)

This is a truly disgusting collection of Wrecks. I'm not sure I could bring myself to eat any of them.

Amy said...

Everyone needs a poo tie!

Joy said...

In defense of #6, I think it's supposed to be an ugly brown tie - and I think they executed the ugly part very well.

Amy M. Bennett said...

The radioactive green one looks suspiciously like the background of the Incredible Hulk "Echo Stomp" cake design... yer supposed to scratch "cracks" into the pristine cake surface and spray it neon green (and in this case, slather it with piping gel, *urk*!) and then prop the Hulk figurine on it so he looks like he's "smashing" the cake.

Apparently, they discovered they were out of the Hulk figurines AFTER they decorated the cake top.

On to plan B, which is always "Throw a plastic topper on there and be done with it!"

Anonymous said...

Is it wrong that I think the neon green jello cake would be cool if it had a slimy alien popping out of it? It is? Okay then.

Andrea

sendingtheclowns said...

It's not that mysterious to me what that blue cuppie is there for.
See, the darn DEAL was--as the sticker says-- "12 CT" cupcake cake. And the "design" was comprised of only 11 cupcakes. Whoever was buying it counted, became irate, and demanded their money's worth ("Dammit! I want my money's worth! You trot another cupcake out here right NOW, or you're only getting $11!! What? No, I DON'T care what flikking COLOR it is! Just BRING it!")

=^~.-^=

laflormorena said...

Oh no, HEB, how could you!? Why? WHY!? I totally agree with Brandon on the Borg Queen.

cutelilsnot said...

What is with this "poo" theme running through so many of these CWs? I will not be sleeping well tonight.

sendingtheclowns said...

Leave it to me, but I feel sad about the second...uh... creation. Whateverthehellitis, it looks scared! Worse than that, it almost looks traumatized. Shellshocked even. Like a helpless animal in the mouth of a big predator.
I couldn't eat that!!!
I'd be trying to RESCUE it
(or at least put it out of its misery).

=^x.x^=

Elizabeth said...

I don't know where you are all getting "fish" from. I totally thought it was wolf. You know, Dad, the lone wolf, guarding his pack. The obviously serious imagery of this cake, and the social mores it brings to light are somehow lessened by the "hi dad" pick off to one side.

Anonymous said...

As soon as I saw the green cake I thought to myself..."Hulk smash" That plastic plaque must weight a ton.

Anonymous said...

The first one doesn't even say "Happy Father's Day" it just says "Happy Father Day" The prune eyes also look like giant water bugs. ewwww.

Anonymous said...

Gross- cakes to make dad barf!

Is that green slime actually radioactive waste?

Isabella has a splendid imagination! She says:

" I *think* the second one is what happens when you try to mix SpongeBob SquarePants' DNA with Squidwards and then smash the offending creature with a nice flat rock. I'm not sure though..."

well said!

Anonymous said...

I thought that maybe the 2nd cake was SUPPOSED to be an eagle. Hmmm, just a thought.

Aliza said...

Oh, keep sharing the Fathers Day wrecks! Sunday Sweets are lovely, but I ♥ holiday wrecks :)

Yesterdays were funny, today's actually depressing. I'm not sure what's worse-- that someone put these up for sale, or that someone may have bought them. (I hope their father was truly so horrible a parent as to deserve that. In which case, why even buy them a cake this bad??)

The first one: at least it's a cupcake mosaic not a CCC. But my first, much snarkier, thought was that it's more suitable for celebrating The Pill's 50th anniversary!

Is the second one a fish??? If so, it pairs "well" with yesterday's "fish hook"

No clue what that face is in #3, let alone why.

#4: is that left over from St Patrick's day?!?!

#5: My first thought was some weird ancient pyramid attempt (e.g. Inca/Egypt/Cambodian) given how stepped it was, but then I concluded that it was probably an attempt at a tie

#6: a well played ball that it's so steamy???

@Albatross: I agree with you that the bad watermelon CCC for fathers day deserves to be submitted here!

@ leftwinglock: love that description of the rudolph cupcake!

Californiutahan said...

I FIGURED IT OUT!

Pile of poo= "Thank you for changing my dirty diapers, Dad!"

Nothing says "I love you, Dad" like a poo cake!

WV: silingo -- silly+lingo, typically used on cakes by professional wreckerators; i.e. "Happy falker satherhood"

Siouxzr said...

There seems to be an unearthly glow coming from the green slime cake. I keep imagining that the white thing left of center is a beam of light glowing through the slime. Is it possible there is a radioactive glow under all that toxic ooze? It's as if someone decided that a father's day cake should look like a science project gone wrong.

dasunrisin said...

Are those supposed to be scary cupcake pigtails? Eep. A face only a father could love.

Yuk yuk.

Vicki said...

#2 = dead fish with way too much gangrene and gray poo. Maybe a little less would be pretty....GAG.

The Dream Police Person said...

The fifth one looked like a cake full of icy stagnant water and the second and last ones looked like something that would swim in it.

Wolvie Girl said...

I'm not sure how the pooball was supposed to be a hint for the previous wreck, other than it looks like poo, but what I saw with cake number 5 was a cloak. An evil poo cloak. Maybe something Magneto would wear if his power was attracting poo rather than metal. Or as Trevor says, perhaps it belongs to Poo Vader.

@ Albatross: It's a pity your sister couldn't see the funny side of her watermelon ccc (patooey!), we would have loved to see piccies of it.

Jenn G said...

What is #2 (no pun intended) supposed to be???

wildmaven said...

Do they only trust bakers with large bore piping tips nowadays?? *flail*

archersangel said...

what's that second one? a fish?

WV: beditypo
the scientific name of that fish apparently.

sendingtheclowns said...

((SIGH))....the minute I read the title of this post, I *flashed* on this blast-from-the-past little number:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_9hfHvQSNo




I had to hear it again or I would've had it in my head ALL DAY.


=^~.-^=

ishtheintrepid said...

Wish I could be in SLC tomorrow, but alas alack, I have to work until 7. Tragedy! Enjoy my temporary state.

~Ish (from Boston, but posting from Provo)

stephonix said...

I think I just threw up a little...is that last one actually steaming?? *shivers*

Anonymous said...

Those are disgusting.

Ignatius said...

Ohmigawd, that made my sides hurt.

Heavens to mergatroid.

Arlene said...

I think I am going to go hide under my bed and hope those cakes can't find me.. scary things lol. At least they didn't put giant ants on them.. unless they are hiding in all of that disgusting looking frosting.. scary.

alison said...

A football? I thought it was a coffin. Way to tell your Dad you love him!

Craig said...

#1 Hold me... while I hurl...

#2 Some more. If someone figures out what it is supposed to be, do they get a free electroshock session to erase the memory of having seen it? (He asked, therefore trying desperately to figure out what it is supposed to be.)

#3 & 3a I guess the wreckerator was working so hard on the neo-Mondrian Hitler that they forgot to cross the 't' and put the primary colors in the portrait. Happy Falher's Day!

#4 Oy. Are those *bubbles* around the plaque? Do I want to know how frosting gets that green? This redefines the concept of 'diet aid'.

#5 Dad is probably tired of receiving a tie for the last 500 Father's Days, so what shall we do this year? I know -- a poo tie! I'm sure he was kidding about that whole 'disowned' thing.

#6 If he just can't swallow another tie, how about -- a decomposing football! High five! Keep the change! (I want to believe that cake wasn't left over from last season, even though it looks like it was.)

I'm sure Dad got all choked up over the seconds of thought and effort that must have gone into these wreck-creations. Although people usually don't turn green when they're holding back emotions...

ania said...

That face is a soccer ball wreck as well as a face wreck.

Oh, no.

Such M.C. Escheresque conundrums hurt m y b r a i n.

mio said...

After seeing that first cake... is anyone else picturing their Dad dressed up like Sailor Moon?

How about now? >:P

Anonymous said...

The second one is a hedgehog!! I think....

Anonymous said...

I know what the second cake is! It's a scary looking hedgehog! I think it is at least...

VĂ©dis said...

Hmmm... The thing dads want? The last cake totally gave it away, isn't it a poo pile that has stitches?

Anonymous said...

I know what that first blue cake is! It is a Y chromosome cake!!

Popcornbytes said...

What's with the "#1 Dad" cupcake in the top left corner of the second one? And what the heck is that thing anyway?

Bryan said...

Ewww! Recycled cake! That green one is totally a Hulk "Echo Stomp" cake. They must have had an abandoned cake and just slapped a Father's Day plaque on it.
And as for that HEB pooball cake, I really think that came from down the street from me! (and that's why they don't get repeat customers and we do ;) )

*fingers crossed my cakes never end up here*

Anonymous said...

The "poo" football caked looked more as if the wreckerator put a melted, burnt ball on the cake. Did they bake the cake WITH a large plastic decoration on it?