Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Saint Patrick Would Be SHOCKED

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Shocked, I say!

I mean, as I understand it ol' Patrick was a pretty conservative guy. So I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that the whole "Kiss me, I'm Irish" thing was not his idea.

Apparently they needed all of the capital "I"s for "IRISH."
(And as we all know, the Irish hate apostrophes.)



Still, someone needs to tell these cookie cakes to stop giving us lip. Mostly because their lips are deeply, deeply disturbing:

First tell me what "Irist" means, and then we'll discuss which display of affection I'm comfortable giving you. Mmkay?


Given all the suggestive suggestions being suggested, you might think Wreckerators would be more mindful of their capital "L"s, too:

Granted, that yellow magnet does "suck," but blaming it on the Irish is a pretty polarizing move.


Let's end on a more positive note, though. After all, it is Saint Patrick's Day, and I'm sure he would appreciate a more appropriate expression of celebration.

Aw, that's doing Ireland proud, right there.

Btw, when did Peppermint Patties get canonized? (Not that I'm complaining, mind you; they are quite heavenly.)


Ok, forget appropriate expressions of celebration. Let's go out with one final insult to dear St. Pat:

[brightly] Today's word, boys and girls, is "prat." Puh-rat. Prat.

It has some really fun meanings, too, kids. Why don't you go look it up in the dictionary with your parents?


Terri J., Margaret C., Madeline, Chris H., Cathy W.,& Ruth S., since no one else is gonna say it, I guess I will: Happy St. Patricia's Day!

- Related Wreckage: Funny


Update: Apparently, St. Patrick was actually Welsh. Or was it English? Ohhh... and then he was kidnapped by Irish pirates. But he later returned to England to marry Buttercup after many madcap adventures with a giant, a Spaniard and an angry little man with a lisp. Everybody clear? Good, good...
The Boob Nazi said...

Pratrick's Day. That is awesome. And those lips are terrible.

Anonymous said...

St. Pat may have been conservative, but he was still popular with the ladies (which was totally culturally acceptable at the time and palce). Also, dear old St. Pat was English too. *sigh* Not everyone's perfect.

Bek said...

I love that Big Whoop one. I can just picture the disgruntled employee who is sick of green frosting making that one...

WV: Laperpor - Those poor, poor leprechauns after wreckerators get to them...

WriteCards said...

Big Whoop made me whoop out loud! Thanks for the chuckle.

WV: voycol . . . St. Patrick would have been quite voycol (rhymes with the "poiple" of old) at the atrocities of these cookies/cakes!

Classic Steve said...

Are we supposed to kiss the cakes themselves?

Trevor said...

Hmm. I think that's a horeshoe not a magnet. But the magnet puns are more fun. :)

mn_me said...

i had no idea that St Patrick's day could be wrecked so thoroughly... amazing.

Rebecca F. said...

I didn't know what prat meant but I do now. LOL. Thanks for the new vocabulary! (And the funny wrecks)

Momcat said...

Ha! My first glance at the "Suck of the Irish" cake told me that was a recumbent pair of men's shorts! On the other hand, the horse that wears that shoe must have pretty big...ummm...FEET, right?

Heather Smith said...

Hey! I married an Irish guy. MY family has a cabin up north and when he visited for the first time, he noticed we had a horseshoe over the door for good luck. One of the first thing he did was to take the horseshoe down and rehang it so that it was upright, in the shape of a "U" (it had been hanging in an upside-down U shape). He said that in order for it to be good luck, it has to be hanging like a "U" so that the luck doesn't fall out! Maybe that's why the horseshoe is upside-down on the cake? Then again, we probably shouldn't give the wreckerator that much credit....

Anonymous said...

Hsppy "St. Patricia's Day" to you, too! ;)

diddleymaz said...

Actually St Patrick was Welsh, he went to Ireland to convert the heathens who had enslaved him when he was a boy. Irish pirates captured him. He escaped trained to be a priest here in South Wales at and recieved the command from God to go back to Ireland in a dream. He left from Whitesands Bay near St Davids (Britains smallest city) and wanted to stay in Wales as it was so lovely but God told him someone else was going to come after him who would be the patron of Wales. St David, (Dewi Sant in welsh) is the only native born of the four patrons of Great Britain. Patrick ,welsh for Ireland, Andrew Jewish for Scotland and George a Palestinian for England. My husbands family all come from Dewisland the area of Pembrokeshire he came from.

Lauren Borquez said...

The color of that last atrocity is painful to my eyes!

Summer said...

the lips on the second cake totally look like a bird

Anonymous said...

I thought it said "suck the irish" and the "of" was a clover or something.

>_>

seb x

Taylor said...

I was really hoping for a lephrecaun cake. Maybe next year.

Molly said...

Dear Jen,

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Love,
Inigo.

Anonymous said...

As you wish! :-)

jengersnap said...

"Irist", you hand. We should join up! Maybe we'll "Get Lucky". "Kiss me...im IRISH". "Suck the Irish" has a 3 leaf clover left of "the". Decorator was a "prat"! Lump me in the "Big Whoop!" category though, I just want a cool sensation pattie!

ka.middleton said...

Okay, I totally love the "Princess Bride" reference! That was too funny!

May said...

Happy St Pratty's Day everyone!

Slightly Off-topic: I was at Costco yesterday, hovering around the baked goods. Happened to see a couple of sheet cakes with little carrots on them. Naturally, I thought that they'd look so much better with carrot jockeys on them. Poor little lonely carrot steeds!

Emma9405 said...

Maybe "Kiss Me I'm Irish" comes from the tradition of kissing the Blarney stone?

Nonetheless, love the St. Patrick's Day wrecks! Slainte!!

kberwin said...

Does that second one say "Kiss me in Irish"? A cursive lowercase M would have 3 humps, not 2. Right?

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say that I really appreciated the Princess Bride reference at the end. Happy Saint PRATrick's day!

Anonymous said...

LOL Thank you Cake Wrecks for expanding my vocabulary (with assistance from Dictionary.com.) I can now use "Prat" in my daily conversations with confidence!

Anonymous said...

Yup -- St. Patrick was kidnapped by pirates pre-canonization. And apparently, I am a descendant of that pirate. Argh, matey!

sadi said...

"I'm not a witch, I'm your wife".

Loved the Princess Bride reference!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Bob said...

At least there were no four leaf clovers...that really burns my hide!

The Black Dog said...

Those are some funny lips, but I am willing to bet most of these cakes look okay after you've had several pints of Guinness

Miranda said...

Hoo-wee!

I'm down with getting lucky today, any excuse or none!

Viewtiful_Justin said...

INCONCEIVABLE!!!

flyinggargoyle said...

"Prat"?! I do not think that means what you think it means, but have fun storming the castle! Such exquisite St. Pat's. wreckage...

Kay said...

St. Patty - The patron saint of wreckerators!

sendingtheclowns said...

Right now, the only thing I can focus on is that the second cookie was made almost a week ago. (close-up of sticker shows 3/11/10.)
(!!)
Likely good and sturdy by now, hmmm?
I'd like to take the stupid thing, and give our pal Irist a good hard, stale whack upside the head.
(Man! If "ignorance is bliss", there must be a LOT of *happy* cake decorators out there.)

>^e.e^<

Heather R said...

The Big Whoop cake is actually a big whoopie pie! I lived in New England for a few years and these are quite a popular and delicious treat! It is a soft cookie sandwich with vanilla cream in the center. So it is one of their creative sayings when they say Big Whoop on a whoopie pie! Hope that helps clarify things a little!

Tessa said...

I'm thinking there are going to be some boys named Pratrick now just because of that cake. Lovely.

the Mayes family said...

No more rhymes, and I mean it!
Anybody want a peanut?

WV: ovitum- The place where eggs are laid to rest.

Anonymous said...

The Big Whoop wreck is really a giant whoopie pie, no? I'll bet they do a whole wrecktastic "Big Whoop" series!

BecBec said...

Get Lucky? Hey, are those the Keebler Elves. I mean Little People?

Cyndi said...

WHY???

wv:synge--Looking at these "cakes" will eventually synge your corneas right off.

Jennifer said...

Love the reference to Princess Bride! It still boggles my mind that these people are hired by the bakery departments.

mountainmouse14 said...

Princess Bride reference made my day. Thanks for the laugh!

Gem said...

Roman. He was Roman and his name was Padraic -- thus, St. Paddy's day.
Not English, nor Welsh, nor Irish.

(can I get my official geek card now?)



scroniam -- not even going to go there.

Amy said...

Sad, really.
Amy B-H

Helen Highwater said...

Gawd, these wreckarators are a right bunch o' prats!

I don't care where St P's from - what I care about is the lack of snakes on these cakes. Perhaps they do cartoon snake St P cakes for the kids? (if not, someone should!)

Lilly said...

In the words of a Brit(no, not me):

Prat- A prat is a gormless oik. You make a prat of yourself by mistakenly putting both legs down one knicker leg or by playing airguitar at pop concerts.

Brookie said...

"As you wish..."

Bakingdom said...

I would suggest that these people just avoid writing on the cakes at all, but after seeing the sad state of their shamrocks the other day...it wouldn't really help the situation.

And the shape of the lips is disturbing enough, but what is with the color they used???

Maybe grocery stores should just start providing stencils??

Daisy said...

"Irist"?? "Pratrick"?? INCONCEIVABLE!!

Vanessa said...

You keep speaking of St. Patrick in the past tense, but I think he's only MOSTLY dead...

:)

Melissa said...

Hehehe... 'Pratric'. I do not think that word means what you think it means...

sendingtheclowns said...

@kberwin:
Capital cursive "m" has two "humps," so, yeah--lower case "m" should have three. This one also needs an apostrophe, and something else...like maybe to be stepped on.
=^u.u^=

Tigerwolf said...

Since St. Patrick is famous for driving the snakes out of Ireland, I have only this to say…

“I’m sick and tired of these motherlovin’ cakes on this motherlovin’ plane!”

That is all.

^..^

Tiffany said...

And here I read through all the comments to make sure no one else would take the "anybody want a peanut?" reference, and there it was. Inconcievable!

Melinda said...

I am twuly in wuv with this blog and your geeky references.

Anonymous said...

I have the Weasley boys of Harry Potter fame to thank for teaching me the word "prat" several years ago. Thanks a lot, Weasleys! ;)

If THAT didn't allow it to take off in the US, I don't know that it ever will.

Allen said...

Am I the only person who sees a bikini bottom instead of lips on that second cake?
Someone already saw men's shorts in the "Suck of the Irish" -- does this say something about fans of Cake Wrecks, I wonder....

trek said...

Gah! Does anyone realize that St Patrick's Day is a Holy Day of Obligation in Ireland? A religious holiday, not a day of druken debauchery?

Word verification: spitia. verb ancient Irish Gaelic form of to spit; usage "I spitia on your insulting cake wreck." :o)

WideAwakeWife said...

I'm starting to think I look forward to Holidays for the wrecks alone, and the Princess Bride reference made my day!!! Thanks!

Hobbit said...

Whoot! Princess Bride reference! Love it!

Um, but are those lips on those cakes or open wounds? Luckily I'm also Irish and therefore exempt from having to kiss them.

Happy St. Pratrick's Day!

Maryanne said...

"I do not mean to pry, but you don't by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?" Love Princess Bride!

Anonymous said...

"My name is Inigo Montoya. You wrecked my St. Patrick's Day cake. Prepare to die!"

Dan Bradbury said...

Wonderful! The Sainthood of Peppermint Pattie and her skill at baseball, and annoying Chuck, is now complete!

Isn't it fitting that a cookie for a Catholic holiday has a red cardinal on it?

Anonymous said...

Prat? I thought Spencer was one.

Rufus Opus said...

Today's comments have my cube-neighbors thinking I've gone off the deep end. The laughter that spills out while trying to be suppressed is sniggerific.

My faves are Vanessa and Melissa! wootness!

LaurenH said...

Mmm....St. Peppermint of Patty (or is it St. Patty of Peppermint) Either way, I think that day sounds delicious!

Melissa (& Billy) said...

Those baked goods are horrible (toxic orange icing, blahh!) but your final paragraph more than makes up for it. XD

I don't know whether to laugh at the 'big whoop' cake or take a shillelagh to it. That's my heritage you're dissing, dude! =P

Actually, all of these could probably benefit from a good shillelagh-ing...

WV: cowerdin...the wreckerator of the 'Big Whoop' cake cowerdin the corner when they saw the mob coming!

Nancy said...

I think I could only say "St. Pratrick" if I was drunk! Maybe that's the idea?

Liz said...

See I read "Suck of the Irish" as "Duck of the Irish" which then explained the big headless yellow duck on the cookie... sort of.

Libby G. said...

Have fun storming the castle!

wv: "suddlegr" - The Irish people reading the blog let out a suddlegr at the sight of the "Big Whoop" on the whoopie pie.

The Gravekeeper said...

That one cake is not, in fact, inviting you to kiss it on the lips. It's inviting you to kiss its disembodied stomach.

Michelle P. said...

Ah Jen....Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Celebrate....
....as you wish.

kwoods said...

Ok, the lips on the second lip cake do not resemble the ones reserved for faces.

And I love your reference to the giant, the Spaniard, and the Sicilian! I quote that movie every chance I get.

diddleymaz said...

England (Im English) didnt exsist until several hundred years after Patrick lived, the land now known as England was divided into Mercia,Wessex etc until after alfred the great in the 9th century.Ther were no English until then either. We are a mongrol people a mixture of British (now called Welsh) Saxons, Angles, Jutes, Danes, Romans as well probably and English is a composite language made up of a bit of many of the above a a few others!and Patrick was probably celibate although it wasnt compulsory in the Celtic Church.

Varis said...

yeah as someone from New England, despite someone already correcting you I have to back that up the Big Whoop thing is a NE thing. And I feel bad for every single person who's never had a whoopie pie, seriously. Y'all are deprived.

Anonymous said...

Oh great! Now I have Princess bride running through my head! "As you wish!" "No more rhyms, now, I mean it!" "Anybody want a peanut?" "I'm not a witch I'm your wife!" "Bye-bye boys Have fun storming the castle! Think it will work? It would take a miracle!" "Inconceivable!" "You keep using that word. I do not think it means, what you think it means" "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father Prepare to die!" "It's not that bad . . . well, I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely." And soooo many more! Love that movie!

Anonymous said...

Second one looks more like a bikini bottom than lips.... and depending on who's it is, I might want to kiss it. :P

Stephanie said...

Any Irish person actually born in Ireland would probably have a right fit over that third cake. Orange icing? Blasphemy! Orange is the color of the Protestants, and St. PaDDy's Day (note the emphasis on the D's, Wreckerator #5) is strictly a Catholic holiday as symbolized by the color green.

Anna said...

Princess Bride references are the BEST! Too funny!

Lena said...

And as we all know, the Irish hate apostrophes.

Well, Irish doesn't actually have apostrophes. They're an English import. So, had the cake been in Irish, it would have been completely accurate!

The Hoffman Kids said...

OK, am I the only one that didn't see the "L" in "Luck" as a capital "S" but rather a lower-case "f?"

Addy said...

Man, that "Suck of the Irish" cake is one letter f away from being more appropriate for an adult bakery.

K said...

I'm pretty sure the yellow magnet is supposed to be the space at Blarney Castle where you lay down backwards to get the gift of gab.

That's my story anyway

Shadowmark said...

The Princess Bride? That's what the last part sounds like...

Me! said...

What's up with the uterus on cake #2?

Gary said...

Gem said:
"Roman. He was Roman and his name was Padraic -- thus, St. Paddy's day.
Not English, nor Welsh, nor Irish."

The Italian one was a different St. Patrick from the one who is the patron saint of Ireland. The one who converted Ireland came, as many others have said, from Great Britain.

Phil said...

The "lips" in the second one looks like either a bikini bottom, as a couple people have said already, or a uterus.

Gary said...

If you know much Irish history, you know that "May the luck of the Irish be with you" is a curse. The Irish have had enough bad luck and misery for the whole world. The Great Hunger was only one example. So "Suck of the Irish" is not a bad assessment of the overall Irish experience with luck.

Thanks to Jen and my dictionary, I now know that "prat" does not mean what I thought it meant. Your prat is what you fall on when you take a pratfall.

Stephanie said...

I think your update made me laugh even more than the post itself (which was already quite funny, by the way). Princess Bride references FTW! :)

TwilightTwins2 said...

I love Princess Bride references!

Amanda said...

Inconcievable!

Kairi said...

I think the "Big Whoop" cake might be a referance to Family Guy. There's a character who is Irish and short and says "Big Whoop, wanna fight about it" all the time. Atleast I hope it is

Stephanie said...

Gary said: "The Italian one was a different St. Patrick from the one who is the patron saint of Ireland. The one who converted Ireland came, as many others have said, from Great Britain."

Saint Patrick was born in what is now Great Britain at the time when it was part of the Roman Empire. So yes, he was both a Briton and a Roman.

Lizard said...

<3 Princess Bride References

Cupcake Vigilante said...

nothing says St. Patty's Day like teeny tiny pots of gold... you'll never get ye hands on mah booty!
Check out my new blog - somewhat related :D http://cupcakevigilante.blogspot.com

Catherine said...

@Gem--

Are you saying Padraic was a _Roman_ name? That sounds kind of unlikely.

diddleymaz said...

oh and really ghastly wreakage!

diddleymaz said...

The dark age or post Roman Celts are often refered to as Romano British as they clung to the civilsation and religion of the late empire but as most 'Romans' were not Italians or even from Rome itself, Padraig (Irish or Gaelic)In "The Life", Patrick is told of coming to Wales as a bishop and vowing to serve God at Glyn Rhosyn (now St. David's). But, he was warned in a dream that the place was reserved for someone who would arrive thirty years later. He was then shown Ireland in the distance by an angel as he stood on a rock called "the seat of St. Patrick." Patrick's mission was to evangelize the distant land, a task that he carried out in a remarkably short period.

The red dragon of Wales (Y Ddraig goch) goes back a long time, long before the Union Jack was ever put together. As a national symbol for Wales, it predates its adaptation by the Tudors. The dragon is perhaps the very first mythical beast in British heraldry. Legend has Macsen Wledig and his Romano-British soldiers carrying the red dragon (Draco) to Rome on their banners in the fourth century. It was adopted in the early fifth century by the Welsh kings of Aberffraw to symbolize their authority after the Roman withdrawal. By the seventh century, it was known as the Red Dragon of Cadwallader, forever after to be associated with the people of Wales. The ninth century historian Nennius mentions the red dragon in his Historia Brittonum and it was referred to by Geoffrey of Monmouth in his Historia Regum Britanniae written between 1120 and 1129.

Cymru am byth!

Bree said...

The Big Whoop was probably made by a decorator who couldn't get off work to party because he or she was stuck making crappy holiday desserts.

Anonymous said...

Anyone else think that the lips on the "Kiss me Im IrIsh" cake look like a little red bird without feet?

Anonymous said...

Er, trek, have you been in Dublin for St. Paddy's recently? Today the gangs of drunk 13 year olds were roaming before the parade started at noon, and middle-aged men were vomiting outside the pubs by mid-afternoon. So it's definitely a day of drunken debauchery for some people. But a nice family day out for others, and a celebration of Irishness for others, and still a holy day of obligation for others!

And oh, so funny that someone had word verification of synge as in JM Synge, Irish playwright, of Playboy of the Western World, which caused riots when it opened at the Abbey Theatre in Dublin in 1907!

Is it just me, or have the comments on the Paddy's day cakes been even funnier than usual? (Not including mine.) Jen of course is spot on as always. Thanks for all the good laughs Jen!

Anonymous said...

hahaha
St. Pratrick's day...
bwahahaha

Quack and Quill said...

Those were great! Thanks for the smiles!

BADKarma! said...

Maybe the Luck of the Irist is what one has on St. Pratrick's day... Or maybe my meds need adjusting again...

Anonymous said...

I'm Australian, so forgive me if this is a stupid question, but we don't have these here so I will ask anyway...what the hell is a cookie cake??? I keep seeing cake wrecks here that claim to be cookie cakes... so what are they? Is it just an oversized cookie (ie flat) or is it the same size as a cake but made to look / taste like a cookie? Again, sorry for the stupid question, but it has been bugging me for weeks!

Anonymous said...

To the last Anonymous...a cookie cake is just what you thought it is...a big cookie with decorations. And if it's on this site, wreckorations.

Arlene said...

Hmm either I have a dirty mind or that cake doesn't say Luck of the Irish.. that capital L looks different to me lol. The first cake.. makes me wonder who would buy it and would they think they would actually get lucky? Hm many weird cakes this lovely day.

Buttercup Bento said...

I just wuv, twuly wuv, this site.

Wolvie Girl said...

Don't forget the bit where St Pat became the Dwead Piwate Woberts. Oh and how he drove the R.O.U.Ses out of Ireland after dealing with the snakes. No more monkey-fighting R.O.U.Ses in Monday to Friday Ireland.

And I really pity those poor little leprechauns on the top cake that are about to get ingested by an amoeba.

Chuck, Michelle, Abby, and Caleb said...

HA! These cakes are inconceivable!
"I do not think that word means what you think it means."

It's amazing to me that after all this time people still feel like correcting someone smart enough to know it's not called "epcot".

STOP CORRECTING HER, PEOPLE! You only make yourselves look sillier and Jen look smarter.

Anonymous said...

Makes sense since prat can also mean a$$.

Anonymous said...

Great post! As an Irish girl, I'm loving the American (mostly?) take on Paddy's day as demonstrated through that most expressive of media, cake. One of which is "Patty's Day" ha! Patty is a girl's name^_^ Can we instead celebrate the cultural icon that is Patty Bouvier on March 17th? Maybe people can go around painted yellow&wearing purple wigs?

Katie said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6TCB5QhHVJA

A surprisingly accurate video clip on St. Patrick's Day from Veggie Tales

Lori said...

Love the Princess Bride reference; made me LOL.

Melissa said...

I was pretty sure that was a bird...And then after seeing the second "kiss me" cake, I realized it was supposed to be lips.
My bad.

Yota Armai said...

When your point of reference for Irish symbols is a box of Lucky Charms, that giant U on the suck of the irish cake makes complete sense. It looks just like the little yellow horseshoe marshmallows.

Wreck on everyone, wreck on!

Jenn McKinlay said...

ROTFL! Love the segue in the
Princess Bride. Brilliant.

Naazju said...

I'm surprised you saw a yellow magnet (and horseshoe didn't cross my mind for SEVERAL minutes). I saw a toilet seat. Yup.

Polexia said...

heh heh heh ....

Granted, that yellow magnet does "suck," but blaming it on the Irish is a pretty polarizing move.

polarizing? magnetism? heh heh heh! science joke :P

sjvan0 said...

You know, I don't think that one cookie actually says "Irist", judging from the shape of the letters, I think it might actually be "Inuit".

Anonymous said...

The third cake from top seems to say 'Kiss me, I'm Inuit'. I could be wrong though...

ruth

Anonymous said...

That cake actually does say "Luck of the Irish" in perfectly acceptable cursive, at least it looks like it to me.
The bottom of the letter has the little loop of a capital cursive L, the capital cursive S just has a curve. I'll admit that they can look similar, but that would only mean that I'm more likely to assume it's an L in this case.
(http://www.identifont.com/samples/berthold/EnglSchreibschrift.gif)

Anonymous said...

I'm looking over a 6-leaf clover, that I overlooked before...

Anonymous said...

Those lips look bikini bottoms

Chocolatier said...

I think that "Irist" one might say Inuit? That's what I thought it said when I first looked at it.

Cake Woman said...

Aaaarghh.... I hate it when poeple refer to St Patrick as St Patty!!!
And he was niether Welsh nor English but came from the part of Britain which would later be called Wales. And he was my third auntie twice removed.

Anonymous said...

the Princess Bride joke was classic