Thursday, February 11, 2010

TMI Valentines

Thursday, February 11, 2010

MOM ALERT: today's Wrecks may start some awkward conversations with the kids.


When choosing sweets for your Sweet this week, think twice before going with one of these.

The cocky Wreckerator strikes again!
(Although s/he seems a bit unsure:"Huge.. Me..."?)


I've heard of taking a flying leap before, but this is ridiculous.


Stores aren't really helping with their Valentines' displays, either:

Something about this sign just rubs me the wrong way.



I wish I could say "breast" is a Freudian slip here, but it isn't. (I'll spare you *that* picture, though. Heh.) Still, the way this is phrased makes me wonder why some guy named Valentine is demanding we women yell instructions at one of our wachungas. ("You there! Lefty! Stop slouching and face front!")


And finally, the sure-fire mood killer:

"Darlin', let's make a really ugly baby together.
Or maybe just eat this one."


Grant H., Anthony S., Meredith S., Jennifer S., & Jen F., that baby cake would be a hilarious Valentine for an ex. Not that I'm encouraging that kind of thing, of course. ;)

- Related Wreckage: Heart Expressions
T.A.Y.L.O.R. said...

$6.99? I've never seen massage cookies so cheap!

Anonymous said...

I'll confess that I have no idea what the 'breast' sign was *supposed* to say.

coeurdechoeur said...

The ugly baby looks remarkably similar to Strong Sad from Homestar Runner.

wv: tientle - the cross between a necktie and a lentil.

Jenn said...

Is that last one a baby, or happy Buddha?

Momcat said...

Flying poo bugs? Pooping as they fly? What fresh hell is this? Mosquitoes and roaches and flies, oh my! but I give up with the flying poo. Interesting, too, that it is cake #2.

Miranda said...

Ummmm...the wings on the pooperflies...are those PLASTIC?

Some of these wreckerators need to go see a shrink and deal with their poop fetish. Cake icing should not make one wanna hurl.

I think I'll go cleanse my mind by looking at one of my food "porn" blogs.

Auntie Meme said...

LOL at ordering one's breasts. Mine are conscientious objectors.

How did Zippy get associated with St. Valentine?

Lauren Borquez said...

Massage cookies? I like :) Poop butterfly? Not so much lol

Gary said...

Sorry, I'm not going to eat a cake (or CupCake Cake?) with insect droppings all over it, even if someone did try to camouflage it with multicolored sprinkles.

Massage cookies must be what you use if you're tired of the usual oils.

... What was "Order your breast now" SUPPOSED to mean??

As for that baby at the end, all I can think of is that it was commissioned as an ad for birth control.

Katie said...

Sadly, that butterfly cake would have been okay had they only used a different color of icing...

Anonymous said...

OMG. It is a CCC baby. Truly frightening!

Anonymous said...

Baby? It looks like a clown in a diaper. I need a massage, Cookie.

Karen Valinda said...

By the time I reached the final ccc, "Huge...Me..." was looking REAL GOOD.

Kamity said...

That last cake looks more like he could be a dude from that old Mike Tyson wrestling game from Nintendo.

Jim Todd said...

LOL - that "Huge Me" cake reminds me of one of the first Cake Wrecks I've ever seen - the "Huge Me" cake from last Valentine's Day!

Anonymous said...

Flying leap? Looks more like a flying HEAP!

Anonymous said...

BOOYAH!! Great puns as always!!

Leslee Beldotti said...

How about "Parent Alert" instead of "Mom Alert"?

Dad might need to do some wreck explaining too!

deckardcanine said...

My best guess is that they were talking about a chicken or turkey breast.

The last cake is Cupid after he let himself go. Maybe he decided to take up sumo.

Anonymous said...

When I realised the baby was a CCC...it just made it me realise how truly despicable they truly are!

soapbox said...

Yes, I'll take one of those 12" massage cookies. wonder what exactly they are???

Anonymous said...

Love is all around me... Love for your wit astounds me!

Fluffy Cow said...

Just think... on Monday these cakes will be half off.

Oh wait, perhaps they already are.

LaurenH said...

NOTE TO DECORATORS: When you are about to use chocolate frosting, ask yourself, "Is this going to wind up looking like a turd?"

I really think we could've saved ourselves from a LOT of these wrecks if that was part of every decorators checklist. (Of course then there wouldn't be as much to laugh at ;))

Tara said...

Thanks for the parental warning! My kids love Cake Wrecks! :)

WV: probili: these cakes probili won't sell very well.

thetoddlerwhisperer said...

I'm thinking the 12" massage cookie is probably exaggerating.

BigMomma said...

"Let's make a really ugly baby together, or we could just eat this one." Classic.

Your awesome Jen.

The Boob Nazi said...

I love this website.

Anonymous said...

I could use a 12" massage, eh, cookie....

btw, love the label on the ugly cherub baby. "buttercream icing without picks or rings"--yet I see heart picks and safety pins! at least the cherub isn't wearing any piercings. but the lipstick and RED TOENAIL POLISH freaks me out. that and the angry, licorice-like decoration on his head. ears, hair, face? it's all the same.and yet he has delicate pink frills at his collar and cuffs, and a pink wittle bellybutton!

should we call him Gangster Baby? because that is what he looks like

wv: slysi: These decorators thought they were being sly, si?

Hobbit said...

Who would order a baby cake for Valentines Day? There is nothing LESS romantic than a misshapen ccc with a poopy diaper.
Well, except for poopy butterflies.

Anonymous said...

I didn't get the massage, or the message. but what a bargain!
the poo butterflies are leaving a trail...ick. nice cheater wings with the hearts, too.

Jen, your interpretation of the breast sign was hysterical. I was seeing poultry case issues, then concubine situations, but you took it to a whole new LITERAL level! LOL

Anonymous said...

momcat: "What fresh hell is this?"
ROFL that's a great line!

Anonymous said...

Gary, those massage cookies sound messy! ouch--crumbs in the bed.

I wonder if that sumo baby is supposed to HOLD the Huge Me heart?

CherShots said...

I swear these cakes take every single spark of romance out of Valentines! YIKES .... ware du day fine dees wreckerators?

Anonymous said...

Gotta love the "huge me" pun. Though now, all I can think is that last year's "huge me" was so much better...

...clearly, I need help. ;)

Also, LOL @ Miranda. "Pooperflies" made me laugh almost as hard as the wreck itself made me wince.

~* Aria *~ said...

That bottom one looks like a lady sumo squatting to give birth.

5feet9 said...

that's a baby???????? oh. my. god.

Terry Lee said...

odd. my comment from earlier in the morning didn't show up. was i censored/deleted?

i thought i was behaving today. :-)

Melissa (& Billy) said...

Why, oh why, can't people wishing to give their loved ones a Valentine stick to chocolates? Or a nice card, or some flowers?

*shudder*

Laura P. said...

almost makes me glad i don't have a valentine to give me one of these cakes! almost...

Kristin said...

The last one is definitely supposed to be be Cupid. See the heart cookie "wings" on the shoulders? Why Cupid has a candy-apple red pedicure, however, is beyond me.

The Shitty Astrologer said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again - Valentines Day and Halloween are interchangeable holidays - that last cake in the deck is proof!

Heather said...

That last cake is just hideous!

Nikki said...

ok the poo bugs are pretty amusing... that baby however? is horrifying!

wv: rhaeupso. as in did the creator of the baby cake get fired? rhaeupso!

Viewtiful_Justin said...

AH MAH GAH! Another "Huge Me"!!! That was my favorite wreck of all time!

I even had Jen write it in my book when y'all were on tour. Amazing.

Etiquette Bitch said...

that last cw is a *baby*??? barf. and, to add to the wreckage, i'm pretty sure it's a CCC (patooey).

mood killer indeed.

Kathryn H said...

Nothing says "I love you" like an angry Benjamin Button in a diaper.

The Red Headed Mama said...

I am going to have nightmares about that last one ::shudders::

Anonymous said...

Hmm. Heard of Hot Stone Massage. Maybe Cookie Massage is another new New Age type of massage.

Do you get to choose cup size for the Breasts? I could see that as a new type of treat at Hooters or an "exotic dance bar."

Colony's Cakes said...

that creepy baby cakes looks suspiciously like a dreaded CCC!!!

Little Lovables said...

That last cake made me think in the Austin Power's nasty fat Scottish guy voice "Hey you, get in ma belly!"

Oh, as far as the poo butterflies, I thought the lines were like the sperm being shot at the lady butterfly, she's trying to catch it, you know, how some fish do.

Whittrocks777 said...

I think it's supposed to be cupid

Wolvie Girl said...

Wow, a baby that looks like an anaemic Sontaran. How very romantic.

Fanboy Wife said...

I think I ruined Valentine's Day for my husband by pointing out that the heart is really just an upside down butt. He can't eat chocolates out of a heart now because he turns it upside down. I bet some of these cakes would make the holiday even worse for us!

Bree said...

I know these bakers know that using brown for bug and animal bodies looks like poop. They have to do it on purpose. All the color options they have available, yet they always go for brown. Don't they at least want SOME people to buy their handiwork?

JAmaral said...

LOL! I have tried shouting at my er, wachungas, but the slackers just keep, um, slacking. Damn you, gravity!

Anonymous said...

Of course it is a CCC - says so right on the label. Of course, the label also says "no picks" and clearly there are numerous picks, so its veracity is definitely called into question. Whatever - this is truly one of the most awesomely hideous CCC wrecks ever.

"Pooperflies" - Ha! good one!

wv: hipplab. One of the many things the Cupid baby CCC wreck suffers from.

Donna M. said...

Nothing says I Love You like poo flies an the monster from Goonies...that shoul have come with some Baby Ruth.

Marji said...

Is it just me or are things in the World of Cake Decorating going downhill FAST?

I mean, they don't even PRETEND to make sense/attract customers any more.

Ann said...

Ah, the rare and endangered Lithuanian Valentine's Poo-Fly... Immortalized in cake at last... O_o

Amelie said...

The flying poo *might* be intentional, if a customer asked for a "Horton Hears A Who" cake, and the decorator has a sense of humor:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odhw5SLYYdY&feature=related
(it's actually so much better in french: des "cacas-papillons"!)

Culinarychiq said...

OH YEAH! Nothing says romance like butterfly poo and Buddha cakes, I am SO hot right now;)

Lisa said...

hee hee those are hilarious!

Lindsey said...

Those cakes are HILARIOUS! And to think, they didn't even make them on purpose!
Lindsey Petersen
http://5kidswdisabilities.wordpress.com

Teri said...

Speaking of people named "Valentine"..that's the name of my mothers boss & his daughter (:

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one who thought "evil pink sumo wrestler" at the last wreck? XD

Wolvie Girl said...

Are picks also known as flotsam. Because if so, contrary to the label, SontarBaby has several.

Anonymous said...

If you look at the large view of the "Huge Me", it actually was spelled correctly, then the "e" added. Did the CW debate how to spell "hug" or was it deliberate? Ah, mystery.

Yvonne said...

I thought the baby cake was supposed to be a fat Italian chef... and could not find the relevance to valentines. Baby's not much more relevant mind you!

Jennifer said...

Why did this post need a parental warning? For the word "breast?" Give me a break!

Little Luxuries said...

Baby? At first, I thought that was Jabba the Cupid.

Linda in NY said...

Is it too late to order breast for Valentine's Day? I'd like Cs, please.

Love the blog.

kjl said...

Those butterflies really could not look any more like poop. They're even leaving trails of poop as they're flying along! It would be impossible for the wreckarator NOT to notice that when they were finished!

Robyn Fish said...

My 4 year old daughter came in the room just in time to see the last cake. She started laughing at the "monkey" cake.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I love your blog and I make sure to check it every night.. Just one thing, the 'valentain' cookie cake is not an error. This is the way valentine is written in french. So probably this cake was made for a french lover?

Anonymous said...

Um, are those Mr. Hanky the Valentine's Butterflies I see...

holly said...

Massage cookies would also exfoliate as they massage! A two-fer, body scrub and massage (says the massage therapist).

As far as the Mr Hanky Valentine's Day Butterfly Poo, that's just gross.

Amelie said...

To Anonymous, "Valentine" in french is "St-Valentin", without an "a", so it's not a french version, it is definitely a wreck ;)

Katie said...

the 'baby' looks like sloth from the goonies! except sloth is cute.

N said...

your site rescues a painfully boring workday

Anonymous said...

SHELLY said...

Hmm, that pooping butterfly cake looks like it has plastic wings.

...

Cheater!

Scarlett Robyn said...

OMG. A "breast" cake. I wonder if that was an accident or not.....?

kinsey said...

that horrible, horrible baby cake is A CUPCAKE CAKE! of course. what an epic fail.

cutelilsnot said...

Re: the "breast" order - must be a "pullet surprise."

Sorry...could not help myself.