So I'm doing today's wreck, and I'm pretty much just gonna rant. Let me set the stage:
Expensive wedding in the Philippines.
The finest catering.
The perfect beach setting.
And this:
I know, right? I feel the same way. But what I want to know is how hard is it, when you're on a freaking tropical island, to find fruit that isn't so close to being rotten that it makes your kids tipsy. And what's with the icing?!? I've iced a few cakes in my time and I've never seen anything like that. I take that back. Last week, my cat licked my shmeared bagel when I wasn't looking and it looked a lot like that. I mean seriously people!*propping self up in hotel bed*
And another thing!
...
Nah... that's enough. Just one last thing: I've met a ton of Texans while I've been here and one thing is true of them all: they're all so stinkin' nice. What I want to know is how do you stay that way when your state is constantly trying to KILL YOU?!?!?!?!
*ABLEMFTHPTHGAK!!!*
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«Oldest ‹Older 1 – 200 of 207 Newer› Newest»Get feeling better soon and let us know if you any corny jokes, OK?
GET WELL SOON!!!!!!!!!
Ah, welcome to Texas: The State of Allergies. If you don't have 'em when you get here, you'll have 'em by the time you leave!
And, I don't know exactly where you ARE in Texas, but one word of advice: Avoid I-10--it's the interstate of the devil. Once you near any large metropolis, I-10 spawns traffic. 3am? TRAFFIC.
Welcome back to Texas! :) Sorry you're sick and the weather sucks! Just remember, huge state=lots of love! Tammy in Austin
I love the happy birthday wrapping paper the side cakes are sitting on!
Maybe we Texas have just learned to agilely avoid it's attempts, or we've made nice and now it let's us stay. It's like living in the fire swamp, you know. Just watch out for ROUS-es and you'll be fine.
Maybe the dog in the background licked it :0)
Get well soon, John.
So sorry you're sick again, but Texas loves you guys! Oh and it's easy to be nice all the time when the temperature rarely drops below freezing!!!! Now if we could figure out how to get rid of this humidity it would be paradise!
ghesunteight
Sorry you're not feeling too well. Hope you get well soon.
Well, considering some of the other things I've seen on this site, that is certainly not the worst of wending wrecks. Mum is getting married in less than 10 hrs and I am praying to the Gods her cake is not a monstrosity. If it is a good one (either way), I'll send it in.
Tropical islands do have fresh fruit somewhere... jsut the local wreckorators don't know where (apparently). Sad!
Glad you could visit Texas! We're so pleased to have you. Now, just start feeling better.
That frosting looks like cool-whip smeared on it. Ick.
John and Jen,
Welcome to Texas! Truly, the state only tries to kill you 1/2 the time. We have at least 5 weeks of nice weather a year. Well, maybe 3.5.
Sorry you don't feel well.
The entire presentation of the wending cake is pathetic. Nasty fruit, cruddy icing job....
Lisa
lol...we moved to Texas in October and have been sick almost the entire solid time.
Bonnie
I am a Texan, born and raised. I've moved to many, many states over the years. There's no people as Texans!!!!!
As nice as Texans are, you'd probably be wise to stay out of that particular state.....
Yikes! Did anyone else notice that the checker board paper under the two side cakes says "Happy Birthday"? What a wreck!
Hope you're feeling better soon John. ;)
First....don't die. Hope you feel better soon. Second....that cake is UGLY! My dog could have done better with his tail. BTW, we will be moving from Ohio to Arizona in less than 2 weeks! At least it's a one-way trip.
I'm also sick. I hate the winter almost as much as I love it.
Get well soon!
Can we submit this one to Engrish.com?
Oh man. Nearly-rotten fruit! Suuuuuper yummy! *grimace* I could deal with the cake looking like...like...that, to be honest, but the gross fruit? Nuh uh!
As for living here in Texas and being able to remain nice...
I usually don't wander outside much these days unless I need to do some something important. (...not that I ever really leave my house anyway. Too much sunshine most of the time! Especially during the summer. Heat + sunshine = sickly Druston.)
It's the only way I can keep from getting sick during the cold, wet season here in the DFW area. But of course, I suppose if you're traveling or here on business of some sort, you don't have much of a choice.
I hope you feel better! And I hope that should you ever come back to Texas, it won't try to kill you for the umpteenth time. ._.
I've seen something like that icing before. It resembles the texture on our plaster ceiling!
Hope you feel better soon!
Kinda looks like the whole things washed ashore overnight...
Welcome to TEXAS!!! Sorry you're having a rough go of it. I think that is why we Texans love our state so much. It is way too long of a drive to try to get out of it so we just vacation within. The weather really sucks this week. Usually it's beautiful this time of year. The only time that it isn't scorching hot!
If it's any consolation, I'm a native Texan and I'm sick right now, too. We usually blame any problems on all the "derned foreigners" (i.e. non-Texans) that move here, but actually we're all secretly happy that everyone else has figured out that Texas rocks. :) Hope you're better and hope you're not anywhere near Plano this time. But if you are I'll take you out to lunch.
Welcome to Texas! Buy some Zyrtec - you probably have allergies.
Allergy meds and learning how to drive on country roads and be hyper-aware of livestock.
1. Happy Birthday paper under the cakes. What??
2. Is that sand stuck all over the cakes blown up there by the wind, or was it deliberate? Mmm, crunchy texture, just what I want on my wedding cake pile of old fruit...
if you click on the picture and see it up close - it looks like there is sand in the frosting - yummy. now where's the phone number to my nearest dentist?
I too love the Happy Birthday wrapping paper they used under the two cakes in the front. I don't think I would eat that cake though. I am pretty positive they did not even bother to wash the fruit and most foreign places still use "natural human" fertilizers. When we went to Europe after watching one farmer at a B&B we stayed at "fertilize" his farm we throughly not only washed but scrubbed and peeled everything. LOL Love the blog, hope you feel better!
I must have missed why you guys are back in Texas. But ja the allergies, sinus infections will kick your butt eight ways from Sunday.
I moved to TX in September, and have been sick ever since. I've been told it takes at least 6 months to get used to the new germs and allergens. Fun times, man, fun times.
I really have no comments on that sad, sad cake, tho. It looks like I feel, I think.
Bless you!
And in case you're wondering, no, that icing doesn't look any better through non-bleary eyes. Ugh. At least the topper looks nice...if the slightest bit gigantic.
Ah, yes. We Texans sure are nice until you drive in traffic (yes Stewbie2 is right, stay away from I-10 please, for the LOVE OF GOD!)! And I too am sick, we have every type of allergy here and some that I've only heard of living here, we're special like that too!
Be safe, be careful and get well. And if you're in the panhandle watch out for snow. If you're in the San Antonio area lets do lunch when you're better!
I miss Texas, I'm one of those stinkin' nice Texans that no longer lives there, boo! I do hope you feel better though, take some Zyrtec and you'll probably feel better, it's always allergies in Texas.
OH WOW! Are you coming to the Austin cake show in a few weeks? I've been bugging the lead organizers to invite you and last I'd heard they'd emailled you but hadn't heard back and we all want you to come to the show!
It's a sci-fi theme this year! Check out my early teaser photos of my sci-fi-mega cake: http://kimberlychapman.livejournal.com/522510.html#cutid1 You KNOW you HAVE to come see a cake with a Hal brain room on it!
So many people in Austin couldn't come to your second book signing and I'm quite certain you could have another signing at the show. Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease come!
It must be doubly hard to look at this disaster when you're not feeling well. I just don't get the unpeeled fruit on top - and I'm REALLY hoping those are crumbs in the icing.
Nice doggie, though.
Cedar Fever. Yes, there really is such an ailment. Hold on to your nose when you sneeze, because cedar pollen is like the gunpowder of allergies.
I've heard that all Texans are actually from Canada. That would explain the niceness. They try to cover up their Canadian heritage with that thick accent and Texan talk but deep down, yep, Canadian.
Love your blog, the fam and I have been here almost daily for the past year, lurking, never commenting, just always laughing. But I thought I'd better set you straight on the Texas nice people thing. Hope you feel better soon. (Maybe some garlic cake? Or vitamin C cupcakes, with pooh swirls of course! That always makes me feel better...)
What I want to know is how do you stay that way when your state is constantly trying to KILL YOU?!?!?!?!
And you haven't even met the mosquitoes, scorpions and rattlesnakes yet! Allergies are awful right now. Hope you feel better soon!
mmmm...Texas! The only state that has 4 seasons all at once! Glad you could join us!
It's because we've got a symbiotic relationship with the state! Sorry you're sick and hope the weather clears up while you are here.
Ew to the cake - I don't think I'd want any of that fruit anywhere near my wedding!
Hey, we live in the greatest state in the nation. What's not to love and be happy about?
I'm sorry that you're feeling down, but this is the place to be!! We're all so happy because Texas rocks! Even when it sucks, it rocks! Unlike today's wreck....all I can say is, someone was smokin' some pineapple. Enjoy the lone star state and stop at Chicken Express for some sweet tea if you get a chance! Love yall! (from Huntsville)
So sorry to hear about you being sick!!
Great wreckage today - thanks!
Texas is swell, promise. But it is DAMN big. I laughed when we moved to Wilmington, DE for five years and folks wouldn't go to NYCity or DC because it was just "too far". HA! Hell, that is just Waco from here (Austin). El Paso is FAR. Maybe even Dallas to Houston or to San Antonio. Maybe. But one hundred miles to the coolest cities on earth? Not far.
I see the comment about I-10. Its not the devil. Interstate 35 through almost anywhere is the devil. Folks drive so nice on I-95. Folks in Texas are nice out of their cars. IN the cars, not so much.
Not to be a hater, but not all fruit is genetically altered pesticide covered American fruit shipped straight to your grocer every morning.
Still a sloppy looking cake though.
You know in Texas we say if you don't like the weather then just wait five minutes. Seriously though, I think Texans are optimistic and nice because they never know what is going to be thrown at them: tornados, hurricanes, hail, fire, torrential rain. Gotta roll with the punches. Everyone has allergies in Texas. We don't take sick time for allergies here unless we are dying -- or else we would be out sick all the time. Get some Zyrtec -- its the best.oh, and get well soon. Vaporizors and vicks help too.
So sorry you are ill... feel better soon!
As for the cake- THERE ARE WHOLE BROWNING BANANAS ON IT!!!!!!! For cryin' in a tin can people!!!
WHOLE BANANAS!!
1) Feel better soon!
2) That fruit - no words. Blech.
AWWW! Another Native Texan here. Agree with the others, get some Zyrtec. If you are in the Houston area, let us know!
As for Dawn's comment on Texans really being Canadian... hmmm, I have met a lot of Canadians here. My husband is one of them is always sick and can't understand Texas accents. But he things we're all very nice, just like in Canada.
I've discovered the reason for the Canadians though. Those Canadians can't help falling for us Texans. I actually know 3 other Canadian men who fell for Texans from my town. Very Strange.
John, it really is great once you figure out the allergies.
OooooH I just Loooove the symetrical balance they achieved with the fruit...
oruihjv..... me sneezing right back atcha!
We don't do fluffy and cute here. You know that, right? Our cows are tough and wiry, our rabbits are tough and wiry, even our squirrels are tough and wiry. It's survival of the meanest, orneriest critters you ever seen. And if you get taken down by nothing more than tree pollen... well, maybe you need to give your boots back. ;)
My favorite part of the cake is the "Happy Birthday" paper under the cake! LOL! WTH?
to mn_me : No not sand...just the worst icing job done EV-Ah!
Oh, and the dog in the background does look suspect to the cake licking massacre as he is quietly fleeing the scene.
WV - agglebin : I think we should throw this all in the ack,...gack,... gah... aggle...BIN! pitooie!
I don't know if anyone else noticed, but the cake is also topped with bougainvillea flowers... ew. Bougainvillea is beautiful, but bugs like 'em and the sap of the plant can be like poison oak...
On a side note, we grew bananas, mangos, papaya, guava and other tropical fruit in our backyard in Hawaii without fertilizer (and mainly with neglect) and our fruit didn't ever look nasty like this overripe mess!
All in all, a delightful wreck! Thank you for making me groan and laugh in exquisite agony once again!
WV: reprionu-- hey cake decorator who created this: reprionu!
Happy Herding?! I'd be so mad if that was my wedding cake. Better to have no cake than a cake that looked like that!
Feel better!
That's one nasty sneeze. Sounded like you brought up a lot of ick with it. Get well soon. We don't want that sneeze anywhere near the cakes.
I must have chocked on my coffee at least three times. You two are so darn funny!!
Feel better fast!
That frosting looks like the pointy stucco walls in the house I grew up in. When you got to close (and you invariably did) that crap would rip your skin right off.
Feel better!
Even the sneezes are bigger in texas. Just moved to texas 18 months ago, so far not much sickness, just a bit of getting used to for a californian. Why does everyone still smoke here? niceness I'm all for...
wedding cakes that looklike they had the icing partially ripped off? not so much
Get well soon, and avoid the crazy drivers, especially in San Antonio!
Ah dammit. *too
Another note -- anyone catch the stray dog wandering in the background?
It just happens to be mountain cedar (aka juniper) allergy season down here in Texas! So maybe it's that, rather than actual sickness.
Hope you feel better! Getcha some Benadryl!
I must say, you could have sneezed on that "fruit fly cake" and no one would have even noticed. Hope all are feeling better soon.
Jen and I actually drove from Alamo to Amarillo. I think that the problem was that, in the process of moving Jen's Grandmother, I had to load and unload a 26' truck by myself and I was going from 85 degrees inside to 30 outside. Couple that with horrendous allergies and the Texas Wraith who haunts my every move, and you get bedridden john.
Alright. Enough complaining. We're not here to complain. We're here to PUMP *clap* YOU UP!
Gutentag!
john
and a Happy Werding to you too!!
Ooh, ooh [thrusting hand up in the air wildly] ooh, ooh, I KNOW this one!!
Those bananas, though they look like they are on the bad side of over ripe are actually just PERFECT! Here in the States we get a very limited variety of bananas. I personally like my bananas to have just a touch of green on the corners, firm but sweet. In the Philippines however, if you try to eat one of their hundreds of varieties of bananas with just a touch of green the banana inside will be rock hard and extremely bitter. A lesson I learned the hard way many times. If the fruit looks on the outside like it's already dead, it's actually at that perfect stage of firmness and sweetness.
As for the rest of the cake, I have no explanation, but trust me, those bananas are perfect!
I don't want to defend these cakes too much, but that fruit doesn't look bad to me. Bananas are not edible when they are still that brilliant pale yellow-green that we see in U.S. grocery stores. They only have good banana flavor once they are spotty, like these. And apples will always turn brown on the cut part within a few minutes after you cut them up. On the other hand, I've never seen whole fruit, peel and all, placed on top of a frosted cake before, and I wonder how you would eat such a thing.
As to the "Happy Birthday" paper, maybe somebody was getting married on their birthday. This being the Philippines, maybe the dog is going to be the main course ...
John, Texas doesn't hate you. Texas LOVES you and Jen! The weather may be awful in the north half of the state just now, but it's about perfect where I am today-- the Rio Grande Valley. Sunny and around 70 degrees. Come over here for some Tres Leches cake.
"... they're all so stinkin' nice. What I want to know is how do you stay that way when your state is constantly trying to KILL YOU?!?!?!?!"
Practice.
Yeah, OK, maybe we do have hurricanes, tornadoes, flash floods, epic droughts, ice storms, killing heat waves, dust storms, wind storms, stupendous amounts of allergens, West Nile Virus, H1N1, Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, chiggers, mosquitoes, yellow jackets, killer bees, scorpions, asps, rattlesnakes, tarantulas, sharks, rabid coyotes, brown recluse spiders, a high murder rate, and governors who constantly embarrass us, but once you get used to all that, we have beautiful landscapes, good music, and great Mexican food.
So, Happy Wending your way across Texas, and next time, come and stay for a spell!
So, having lived in the Philippines for many years (miliary family) I can tell you a few things...
1. Apples and oranges are mega-expensive, and those bananas are not the little small native ones. I'm sure they were imported from somewhere, hence the state of 'ripeness.'
2. They have the grossest marshmallow-ey frosting that is the consistency of gloopy cool whip. I'm not suprised it looks like that after sitting out in the humid weather. I had to endure this frosting on many a birthday cake, and it is nasty! It's all the bakeries seem to know how to make over there.
Hopefully that explains at least some of what's probably going on in that picture. :)
If you think Texas will make you sick, for wellness sake don't come to Louisiana!! I've lived in Shreveport my whole life and I still have sinus issues. When I travel to nicer, dryer areas of the country, however, I feel great! Go figure.
Anyway, I also wanted to express my confusion about who's narrating this post. It starts out with "Jen and I" so I'm thinking it's John, but it says it was "posted by Jen" at the bottom.
Well, whoever it is, I hope you feel better soon.
I also hope that whoever ate that cakes feels better soon! Blechk!
Man...my fellow filipinos can do better than this. Sad, sad cake...must not have been from Goldilocks or Red Ribbon. =D
Oh and this post and everyone's comments sure makes me want to visit Texas some day....NOT! But I do like being around nice peeps...sooo maybe....
I don't think the weather map showed too many places in the US where you could go outside and stay dry today. If you happen to live in one of those few places, lucky you!
And driving across Texas is an experience-- starts out looking much like my usual Midwestern surroundings do, but by the end of the day, I'll pretty much be standing around in the desert. So I'll check the map, and sure enough, still in the same state. *Whaddayaknow.
*Not necessarily official Texas talk.
You were in Alamo?!!?!
You should have told me! I would have come over and helped you load the truck!
Alamo, Texas is only about 10 miles from my house. On the other hand, it's about 808 miles from Amarillo. (Texas cities are not arranged in alphabetical order). That's more than the distance from Chicago to New York City. You definitely went across Texas the long way.
Anyway, that's not the greatest tour of Texas, especially in winter, when the weather gets progressively worse as you get into the Panhandle, so I can understand your bad mood.
ewwwww...
Not only is the fruit icky, but the sand stuck in what looks like melting buttercream makes my stomach turn.
Happy Birthday paper... /gigglesnort
FEEL BETTER SOON!
People in Texas are all on Benadryl, Claritin, or Zyrtec for allergies probably 85% of their lives. As for being nice...Texas is known to be "The Friendly State" :)
Canadian?
Nope, not me (unless you're referring to the Canadian River, which is in Texas).
I was born in Texas, and so were my parents, my grandparents, and my great-grandparents. The state's just so doggone big it's hard to get out of it.
There are a bunch of Canadians here in Texas, though. They're OK, as long as they don't brag too much about how great Canada is.
@F-- I love the comment about NY being "too far" from DE. Get away from the coast, and you'll meet plenty of people who have to drive that distance to less interesting places every day and don't give it much thought at all!
Totally not kidding here: my blind mother can frost cakes better than that. Really, I've seen it. That's horrible!
And if you weren't sick already, the fruit on the cake should do the trick! ;)
hey on that Phillipenes ( could care less if its spelled wrong ) wedding cake wreck... did you notice that the cake board under the cake was covered in "happy birthday" wrapping paper?? When I enlarged it it was the first thing I saw... aside from the rotten fruit, the bad layout, terrible icing and happy birthday cake board... its not too bad!! LMAO!!
-Jenn
Aww hugs to ((you both)). Btw does that say Happy Weading?
@Gary-
Experience tells me that your list forgets "fire ants." I have visited your lovely state half a dozen times or so in my life, and I have probably encountered more than half of the items on that Texas agenda you have there. But I always managed to have a great time anyway, with the good making up for the bad!
I moved to Texas over a year ago and the people here are just so freakin' great. It's a fantastic state!
We LOVE you here in Texas!
Stewbie2 is correct , AVOID I-10!! Especially around the cities.
Haha! I have to agree with stewbie2- Welcome to the Allergy state- if you don't have them you WILL....youuu willl *said in Yoda voice*
Feel Better!!
Lifelong Texan says...
Love the first paragraph and the last about Texas! Had to hold my belly laugh because I'm at work about the 7000 hours to drive through! Hope you get to feeling better. We have had crappy weather all this week, actually since November, even we are tired of it. Come back when you have a chance to vacation and enjoy it.
Lol.... not only is that cake craptastic... but bougainvillea plants/flowers should not be used as food decor because of the toxins
Wiki:
The sap of the Bougainvillea can cause skin rashes similar to poison oak/ivy. So, when working with this plant (e.g., pruning), caution should be exercised to avoid skin contact with the sap (and thorns).
John, I'd send you a pot of my fabulous homemade chicken soup, but it'd be all cold and scummy by the time it got there. So I'll just send you best wishes for a speedy recover instead.
@ Gary...
Tain't braggin' if it's TRUE!!!!
;-)
That cake frosting looks like our ceilings!!! (Which previous people did with 10 tons of joint compound, and we're STILL trying to figure out the best way to get rid of it.)
Hope you get to feeling better, and best wishes to you both. I really enjoy your site. :)
So sorry you're sick again. Feel better soon!
And I am deeply sorry that my beloved state seems to hold so much bad luck for you. Especially after your home state has been so wonderful to me so very many times.
I do hope you guys will be able to have a wonderful vacation in the Lone Star State sometime soon to make up for these past two miserable trips.
About that cakes...one word. BLECH!
It makes me queasy to look at it, let alone thinking about eating it. I feel quite sorry for the happy couple :(
I feel I must apologize on behalf of my state - it's not been it usual sunny self lately. I hope it doesn't kill you. Get some allergy meds and a shot of whiskey. That miiiiiight cure what ails you!
Seriously though, hang in there. I can't imagine life without your humor and the daily cake wreckage!
That cake is awful...I'd be pretty ticked if I paid tons of money and THAT is what I got.
Have to comment on the Texas thing...I was born and raised in the greatest state EVER! The Panhandle and Amarillo is home. May not be the prettiest - especially in the wintertime- but the sunsets there cannot be matched!! And John and Jen, you should check out Palo Duro Canyon...it's got some amazing views! On second thought, I think they've had alot of ice/snow/rain lately, so you might not want to drive down into the canyon. And yes, Texas people are the nicest ever! I moved to Mississippi over a year ago and well, they could learn a few things from us Texans!
BUT if you wanna feel better and get some OUTSTANDING food here's some places you NEED to try in Amarillo: Leal's Mexican food (the absolute BEST), Blue Sky (best burger's hands down!), or Kabuki Japanese Steakhouse. I'd skip the Big Texan...they may have the biggest steak in Texas(72oz) and it may be free (if you can eat all of it plus all the sides in less than an hour), but most people like their steaks to actually taste good. LOL! Dang it...now I'm hungry!
Oh, and don't let the allergies scare you off. They are h*ll for even the most hardy of Texans!
Texas is one honkin' big state. And I'm from Nebraska, which is no slouch for size.
But here's the thing to keep your sanity while driving in Texas.
When they say, "Exit 349 next left" in every other state, that means 1/2 mile or 2 miles or maybe five miles.
In Texas...forty miles. Just accept it.
We made the drive from Victoria Texas to Brownsville once and there is all the rugged wasteland with ... gnarled trees that I suppose are mesquite? Maybe? and cactus, those cute flat ones, aobut the size of a dinner plate, a whole bunch of them growing in a clump.
Like This.
http://www.mccullagh.org/db9/1ds-4/prickly-pear-cactus-flowering.jpg
And at first you're all, "Wow, look at that cool cactus."
Then 250 miles later, you're just, "This poor miserable state."
So, that's Texas.
And my only reaction to that icky cake is that maybe it's an accident. The fruit I mean. Maybe someone was trying to throw all the rotten fruit in the freezer away and saw what they thought was a pile of white garbage set out on the patio for the trash collector, and just tossed the fruit on top.
It's gotta be something like that.
Welcome back to Texas! At least we're not florida. Ever drove from the keys to the panhandle? shudder
I hope you feel better soon. And, next time you come, drive in on I-10 from Louisiana. Just inside the state line, you see a distance sign, "El Paso 847", at 50 miles an hour (with the obligatory stops at roadside parks and Franks in Schulenberg) that's a 16 hour drive. And were gosh darn proud of it.
You never realize how big Texas really is until you're driving through it. XD Eight hours just from El Paso to San Antonio. And I guess our mamas just taught us right here in the south. XP The state hasn't tried to kill me yet, just the drivers.
I hope you feel better soon! (((Gail)))
Hey Dawn, I'm a Canadian living in Texas, but I don't hide it. At least two thirds of my t-shirts have some kind of Canadian identifier on them. 'Cos Canada is awesome.
In fact it's kinda funny listening to people here go on about how "big" Texas is, when Ontario, where I grew up, is almost double the size of Texas. Heck, Texas isn't even the biggest US state, Alaska is.
But Austin, Texas does have the coolest cake show in the WORLD, http://thattakesthecake.org/, which Jen and John totally absolutely have to come to and I'm gonna keep poking until they say yes!
I would be so sad if that were my wedding cake. So very sad.
I'm sorry Texas is messin' with ya'll. It really is a fine state. I actually recommend April and October (your tour notwithstanding) to visit us. The wildflower season is beautiful here in late March & April.
Kinda makes up for all the stuff we go through the rest of the year.
Feel better soon!
That dog probably licked all the cakes... wonder if the back of the cakes are yellow???
Feel better soon, both of you!!
Rhonda: Sand-blasting? I thought of ceilings as well, or the stucco someone mentioned.
I had fresh berries on my cake, but berries look nice longer, especially if they're sugared.
Note to self: Stock up on Sudafed before going NEAR Texas. I have enough allergies in South Dakota!
WV: wastreq. Whatever this Wreckerator had in mind is wastreq on me.
At first I thought the fruit was there to weigh down the cake against a strong ocean breeze, but closer inspection shows that it can hold its own, apparently having already survived a sandstorm.
The tables in back look really lovely, so it's a shame about what's for dessert. But good luck, kids, just the same!
wow, there are plenty of us texas wreckies out here.
i'm happy that you're in our neck of the woods again, but so sorry to hear that you're sick, john.
stress, allergies, etc. it's not surprising. take care of yourself ... we really do love you guys!!
hugs from deep in the heart of texas,
terry lee
To John AND Jen~~
Thanks so much for being so dedicated to this site even when you're not feeling 100%. Get well soon.
As for today's *cough* wreck, I am truly gobsmacked that no one involved with that 'cake' had the presence of mind to peel and cut out the most rotten portions of the fruit and arrange the best sections more attractively.
I wish the newlyweds all the best and fond memories of the day they married, and hope that one day they can kick back and giggle about their 'once in a lifetime' cake.
OK, the crumbs from the cake visible in with the bumpy icing give a new meaning to the term "dirty iced". And they just grabbed bananas, apples (in Thailand??), and oranges and laid them on the cake--they didn't even bother to remove the pit/center from the apples they did slice. Good grief!
Not to mention the happy birthday paper under the smaller cake tiers. Looks like all they did was a crumb coat too.
I live in Austin, and all five members in my family are sick with different things. But you must love us anyway, because look how many Texans love you! We may be germ ridden, but we ROCK! Woo hoo!(*cough cough* ouch...)
Yeah, I know, it makes my out of state relatives paranoid. They can't get over how when you pass someone on the road they give a little wave. Or if you are going down the farm to market road faster than them, they will bar-ditch for you. (this means they scoot over to the side and let you pass them)
Welcome to Texas!!! Y'all must be in North Texas somewhere because the weather has been nasty here for DAYS! I can see sunshine from where I'm sitting, though, so things are looking up. =)
Oh, and you and Jen be sure to get a couple'a nice cold Dublin Dr. Peppers. That's enough to make ANYONE feel better. =)
Every time I see a wedding wreck on here, it just makes me so glad that my mom & I made my wedding cake.
horrid cake, hope you feel better... and I'm a Texan (DFW that is).
If you really want, I could do something really mean, so you could feel better about our state, even though I abhor the weather as well.
horrid cake, hope you feel better... and I'm a Texan (DFW that is).
If you really want, I could do something really mean, so you could feel better about our state, even though I abhor the weather as well.
wv: undaft
how undaft of you to be feeling so ill during your travels
Hope you feel better soon.
Just out of curiosity, why don't you write posts in advance, so you don't have to bother with it when you're sick/traveling/knickknackified? When comic-strip artists take a vacation, they write up a surplus of strips beforehand, that can be published while they're away. You guys should try that, so you don't kill yourself or get tics trying to be funny when you're not in the mood.
-Holly
I love Texas, but Florida is much, much better. Get home while yer alive. And another thing: That cake looks like a real wreck: a second thought regurgitated 11 times over, got into a fight with a popcorn ceiling frosting type, and rotting fruit thrown on for good measure. Yeah; maybe for a survivorman wedding or something. "Ug. Look good to me." :D Get well soon! Or else we will have no wrecks to look forward to, of course! :)
Kimberly said …
... In fact it's kinda funny listening to people here go on about how "big" Texas is, when Ontario, where I grew up, is almost double the size of Texas."
Yeah, but none of Texas is under the Arctic Ice Cap.
"... Heck, Texas isn't even the biggest US state, Alaska is."
See Ontario, above. Anyhow, at least we have people in Texas.
And Judy said...
"@ Gary...
Tain't braggin' if it's TRUE!!!!"
OK, but if Canada is so ruddy wonderful, why do most of you seem to live here in Texas? When everybody from the U.S. starts going to Canada for the winter, we can talk.
You're right, jj, I forgot fire ants! Also fleas, cockroaches, termites, and spider mites.
In my defense, my list was never meant to be comprehensive.
don't feel bad, i hate texas too. i spent a few days there a few years ago before my husband deployed to iraq. WE GOT LOST FOR THREE HOURS!!! and it was hot and nasty and i hate it.
The rotting fruit is really bad, but did you notice the recycled table cloths that say Happy Birthday?
Wm Pat Wigley
Blue Springs Missouri
Guys, are you sure it's happy birthday paper?
It looks too well cut to fit the octagonal serving tables. In fact, it fits so well, I'm pretty sure it's just the plastic laminate that is part of the (ancient) table top itself.
Which would mean... That they put the cakes directly on a probably-wiped-with-a-dirty-cloth surface and smeared the icing directly on it.
Maybe I'd have been better off believing it was paper. Gah.
you should have seen MY wedding (in india).. they decorated the tent with merry christmas fabric (it was april) and used nakid (spelling purposeful) cherub statues to hold down the sides. When asked about the statues their fix was to turn the statues around so that the arse was facing the crowd. Add neon pink decorations and you have a 5 day bengali wedding....
Real Texans are immune to being killed by their state. 'Course, I'm not a Texan. Oklahoma tries to kill outsiders, too.
Even if that fruit was perfectly ripe, WHY would you put whole, unpeeled bananas and oranges on a wedding cake? Or any cake??? I am completely mystified. And that icing job is excruciatingly bad.
Hope you feel better soon! :0)
Fact: Our state is almost as wide as it is tall, which makes Chicago, IL CLOSER to Texarkana than El Paso. Try making that trip around about FOREVER.
Fact: Texas is Bigger than France.
Truth: The weather changes faster than you can say 'what nice weather today!'
Welcome Partner to the Lone Star State. Come back now, y'all hear?
WV: glouv. In Texas you might be 76 one day and 20 the next, but only if you've packed up your parka and glouv!
1. That wed-- oops, sorry, WENDING cake -- is a monstrosity.
2. I loved the rant. I could imagine you angrily typing away.
3. God bless you! *offers tissue*
Long ago my parents bought a postcard that perfectly summed up our attempt to drive from Dallas to Arizona. It went something like this:
The sun has riz
The sun has set,
And here we is;
In Texas Yet!
Now you apparently know why it was such a hit with them.
It's okay- Texas hates us, too. We hit a deer coming out of San Antonio and we were stranded in Ft. Stockton overnight and almost couldn't catch a bus to El Paso so my best friend's mom could come rescue us.
It was horrible.
But the people we met were insanely wonderful, one of which PAID FOR OUR BUS FARE. It was amazing.
Oh, poo, John, I'm so sorry! Sounds like you might have cedar fever, which is the price most of us pay for living in The Gret Stet of Texas....It could be worse - you could have eaten some of that tropical fruit....
I live in Texas - sorry our state's not agreeing with you! It's been unusually cold and rainy lately, 'specially for this time of year, and a lot of us are coming down with that stuff. Get better soon :)
~Kels
Yerp...it's perpetually "allergy season", especially here in Austin. Although, the sun's come out this afternoon--and I can only imagine that it is rotting fruit somewhere in the Philippines...
I had fruit on my wedding cake too, but my silly bakers used blackberries and strawberries. I feel so silly now that I didn't tell them to use whole unpeeled grapefruits. What was I thinking?
When I see a whole unpeeled grapefruit surrounded by bruised bananas I automatically think "romance".
Liz in Seattle
Its totally allergies. Here in Texas the cedar and mold like to attack every sense and all your clear breathing and the like. Even having lived her for 10 plus years I am incapacitated all the time due to the darned crappy trees and fungi.
I'm sorry Texas keeps trying to kill you. Cedar fever (assuming that's what's wrong) is awful. Ugly, rotten fruit atop cakes iced by drunk three-olds awful. At least it's not 110 degrees right now, so we've got that going for us.
P.S. We're nice because of the beer and food. It's physically impossible to be rude with a belly full of chicken fried steak and ice cold Shiner Bock?
I'm sorry, but does anyone else think that "Happy Wedding", erm...banner-thing look like it says "Happy Wending"? Anyone...no?
w00000000000000t GO TEXAS! If you are driving along and stop in LaGrange, stay awhile!
It's the allergies, they'll get you every time! Welcome back to Texas!
Sorry you're sick! It's sure not just you; I know a LOT of my fellow Texans have been sick lately. As a few commenters have already said, we usually have much better weather this time of year (be very glad you're not here in mid-summer!) ...but the allergens are over the top year-round. I grew up here in Austin understanding my city to be the allergy capital of the nation. Maybe the world!
You've got a lot of fans in Texas, though! Obviously Texas doesn't hate you.
Gary, how could you forget fire ants? They're the single most evil thing in the state! Well, second most; I almost forgot our dear old governor.
WV-slythy! I think the slythy toves
did gyre and gimble in that cake.
texan here! ummmm thanks?
On behalf of my state, which tries to kill us all, I sympathize. Er, sympatheeze.
Anyway, OTC allergy meds rule, and the whole state is in NO way sponsored by pharma corps. Super pinky swears.
I'd just like to ask why the unpeeled bananas are settin' up on top? Was it too much trouble to yank them back? and what's with the seeds in the apples? Lazy AND ugly!!
My daughter lives in Texas, and yes, the allergies are awful.
Okay, so the cake says Happy Wending, I don't even know what that is! It's on a happy birthday cake board. And the apples are sliced, but still have seeds in them? Who thought that up?!?! I love how they are already turning brown....
Welcome to the Great Allergy State ! Our pollen, dust, and mold salute you!
Oh, and all I could do is shake my head and say, really? REALLY? Someone thought that was.. beautiful???
Maureen in ACHOO, Texas
Welcome back, and thanks for the post!
I've been allergic to Texas for the 8 years I've lived here. However, I think everyone is so nice because we are full of delicious food! Chicken fried steak, brisket, and queso are great mood elevators.
just a lil fyi...it is a horrible cake but bananas are actually not ripe till they start to turn brown. i still would not have put them on the cake but maybe they want people to eat them
Did you know that Texas is apparently the only state that has the right to become its own country again?
And BTW...other roads to avoid here:
360
I-20
I-30
And, Friday rush hour starts on Thursday afternoon.
Its just best to not drive here ;)
But, this sure is a pretty place, and the weather is great, if you don't mind being hot ;)
I LOVE TEXAS!!
Oh dear Lord! Wow... Ummm, okay. Did anyone notice the cute puppy in the background? :oD Hope you get to feeling better!
Diana from http://uberfoodnoob.blogspot.com/
Gesundheit! (I know you speak German so you'll know what that means :)
Feel better soon!
"Texas which, it turns out, takes approximately 7,000 hours to drive through,"
I know! Right?! My vote is for the idea of the dog in the background having licked the whole thing.
Ah, the power of suggestion. As soon as you mentioned sneezing, guess what I started doing? And my sympathies for enduring that kind of drive.
this is the ugliest cake ever.
I my, soooo baaaaad
that there icing looks like a half finished drywall texture job...I'm sure most of the mexicans know what I mean...
"In my defense, my list was never meant to be comprehensive."
That's OK, Gary, you have a lot of state to cover. But I was just thinking about cactuses, so be careful where you sit down, John and Jen, for that and a lot of those other reasons. Happy Wending!
Texas loves you! If you are in the Austin area, we'd love to meet you. The sky opened up & the sun came out. Drive safe & get some good CFS while yer here.
Feel better soon, John! Give those germs hell. And yeah, Texas is huge. I've had to drive across it three times (once because of a canceled flight, twice for moving purposes). I can't say I really enjoyed any of those experiences. Rant on! I totally understand.
I think that white dog had something to do with it.
We stay sick too. The sun came out today! I saw it! It did really!
-Shannon
I had my birthday in the Philippines one year (which included a cake)...it was so hot, the icing literally slid off the cake as we cut into it. It actually sorta looked like the icing in the photo.
um... the paper that is covering the cake boards reads "Happy Birthday"... that's a nice touch. Classy...
You have to be a teensy little bit fair to the decorators of that cake... I was married in Bali and can tell you that you can take nothing for granted about planning a wedding in a foreign country. When the top layer of our cake was returned to our villa on the morning after , in order to be taken home and saved as is customary where we come from, it was brought to us on a plate with two cake forks. An entire fruit cake, enough for 30 people! The photographer asked us to change the time of the ceremony so the light would be better. WTF ! And that was at a 5 star hotel. It was elegantly presented and the service was impeccable but the understanding was absent. So I see this particular example of wedding cake as being the local interpretation of the request for " a cake topped with a selection of fruit", only it is clearly not a 5 star hotel they were dealing with.
They could have, at least, peeled the fruit.
This Austin local can testify: the weather here is EVIL right now. It's swapping from winter mode to spring mode, so going from dry but chilly to half-rainy and cold and half-hot and humid. It's not usually this bad, though; in a couple of months things will go back to the usual scorching heat. (Just be glad you didn't come in August or September; freezing rain is better than being roasted alive.)
Get well soon!! Be nice to Texas and I promise it will stop trying to murder you!!
I'm glad everyone has been so nice to y'all :) I think we can stay pleasant even with the weather and the allergies because the food keeps us fat and happy.
It looks like they used stiffened egg whites for the frosting, eww! And what is with the black specks that look like coffee grounds all over the place? LOL.
Yeah wrecktastic.. birthday wrapping paper and all! I would NOT put that in my mouth!
Good lord that fruit is awful looking. "WTF" is what I said out loud when I saw that cake. Except of course I didn't say the letters, I said the words. EXACTLY, you're on a tropical island for crying out loud, go pick up some d@mn fruit out of the sand!
@MaryAnn---Goldilocks!!! OMG, I haven't had that in years. My tummy is rumbling now.
I laugh every post, I swear. My cubemates at work can tell when I've hit your blog because of the muffled laughter that emanates from my area.
Thanks for keeping the funnies comin', even when you're under the weather.
Sorry to hear the trip is rough, but glad to hear the secret is out (that Texans are darned nice folks despite all the braggin' about our fine state.)
Some fer-ners think we're all ego, but it's really just about having a pretty good life and being all friendly-like (despite trying to be killed by rattle snakes, scorpions, killer bees, fire ants, water mocassins, and crummy weather.)
Welcome to Texas! I wouldn't worry to much about the weather, you never know it might be 70 and sunny within a day or two. I hope you start feeling better.
...not only is the fruit rotten they couldn't even take the time to peel it.
Ha, I'm a recent Texas transplant (Austin, specifically. Which may or may not count, depending on your opinion of Austin...and I'm from DC, which is essentially the most opposite of all opposites in Oppositeland.) and I noticed the same thing. SO NICE! Everywhere I go -- even the flippin' clearance section of Target -- everyone is super nice and ready to chat like we're all just friends hanging out in one giant living room. FREAKY, I tell you.
Wow, that's one crazy cake!! You just gotta love the happy Birthday wrapping paper on the cake boards. That's an especially festive touch!!
The cake looks like someone took to it with a few cans of shaving foam.
I'm not sure which I like more - the heavily bruised bananas, or the rapidly browning apple quarters. All coyly peeping past the few carefully(?) placed bright purple orchid blooms (which only serve to highlight the sad state of the fruit).
anyone notice "happy birthday" paper on the cake boards....good stuff!
I'd have to disagree with the person who said that most people in the Philippines would just be happy to have the food and Americans are too picky.... I've meant people from the Philippines, they appreciate beautiful things and I doubt many would accept the frosting job as ok, and I'll give a little and say maybe the fruit had a hard ride to the site, but everthing else in the scene shows a nicely appointed simple wedding and the pic had to be sent to CW. Probably by the bride to let off some steam for a horrible looking cake on her special day. Did anyone notice the boards under the side cakes say "Happy Birthday"? Cake decorating by professionals has a standard world wide regardless of the country the cake is in. So I'm not buying your hating on the good ol' USofA.
LOL! I have been a Texan for 2/3 of my life and this post was the funniest ;-) I have the worst allergies year round...but I do love it here somehow ;-)
Take care ;-)
Candi in Mckinney
I always know I'm getting close to Austin (home) when I start sneezing! The cedar fever has been known to knock down even the hardiest of people. You learn to live on allergy pills. (And look out for the rattlesnakes, coyotes, scorpions, brown recluses, and copperheads! Other than that it's a great place to live.)
-Jessica in Austin
gosh, I hope you're all feeling better soon! I totally agree about the cake -- the fruit on top looks sort of icky-icky-overly-ripe!
The cake is hideous, but fruits in tropical countries are not modified to look perfect. I am Colombian and fruit there always has brown spots and doesn't look like perfect, wax fruit. Fruit in the United States is not what natural fruit looks like, sorry to break it to you.
LOVED the sneeze but I felt it right through my laptop. They do everything BIG in Texas, eh? Feel Better Soon John!
LOL no really. I am being sincere.
I have NOTHING to add about the cake. 178 people in front of me have already done a great job.
PLUS - all the cakes look as though they were just plopped down on those table, nothing between the edible cake and the unsanitary table - BLECH!!
MaryC
sorry you're sick! also, the being nice to everyone is allll part of that great southern hospitality!
Wow...can we say cultural differences? On the islands that's a damn fine cake. They have less hang ups about hollywood perfection than Americans. 99% of the people on the island would enjoy the fruit and be happy to have it. Its not up to American standards but it still fine to eat.
Same for the paper. They tried they just have no clue how high the standards were. They are on a beach where the wind blows. The wind blows sand.
I enjoy laughing at true wreaks made by clueless 'bakers' but this is nothing more than laughing at some poor woman or man in another country that tried their best to please a super picky American.
Howdy from another Texan, born and raised here in the Alamo city!
I LOVE TEXAS, and I'm allergic to EVERYTHING! Just stay pumped full of the Zyrtex and I'm all good--no more Death Becomes Her. :) Enjoy your time in the lovely state! I stay here because of the SUN!
I should have been born an Aztec.
just an fyi. the fruit isn't close to being rotten. i guarantee it has more depth and complexity than any of the super-homogenized, monochromatic, pesticide-sprayed crap we see in our markets... it looks rotten to us because-oh you know-it's natural.
but everything else about that cake is atrocious...
The icing looks like the do-it-yourself 1970's ceiling stippling in my Grandma's house.
~Gwen
Welcome back to Texas! It takes 12 hours to drive from Wichita Falls to El Paso. It only takes 9 and a half to drive from Wichita Falls to Graceland!
Sorry you're sick again, but like stewbie2 said, if you ain't got allergies when you get here, then you'll def have 'em by the time you leave!
Get to feelin' better.
Melanie in Austin
For those calling foul due to cultural differences:
I'd like to point out a couple of things if I could. First of all, this cake was made for a very high end wedding at a very high end hotel in the Philippines. It was not made by some poor old lady in a village. It was made by professional bakers.
Secondly, I have seen some pretty amazing cakes that were made in the Philippines. There are skilled and lousy bakers everywhere. To assume that a certain ethnicity must be proud of a poorly made cake is oddly bigoted.
Lastly, well made cakes are not the sole property of Americans. Venture into a bakery in China or France or Uzbekistan and you are likely to see true works of art. I guess I think that cake has become universal.
Sorry to rant.
Wreck On!
john
Texans are really disguised Canadians? Lol! I love that. I remember the Canadians temporarily here for fire training were convinced every snake and spider was dangerous and out to get them, and one actually asked if it was usually this hot, and when would it start cooling down? It was the beginning of summer and only 89 degrees that day! Poor guy sure got a rude awakening.
I'm in the Philippines right now, and all of the fruit looks like that - sorry! Love the blog!
I understand what you mean. I have lived here all my life and I'm plagued with chronic allergies. The minute I leave the state to go live in Missouri for a couple of months, I cease to have allergy symptoms. It's worse when you live near the coast like I do.
-Candace
That fruit looks delicious! I can't say much for the presentation, but the bananas have the perfect amount of black on them, showing them to be ripe and sweet but not over-ripe and mushy, the whole apples have a very nice colour and apple pieces will look like that soon after being cut. The cake itself looks yummy in a home-made type of way. It's not pretty, and the fruit doesn't belong, but it's not terrible, or unintentionally funny, or nasty-looking. It just looks amateur, and who says it was made by a professional cake-baker?
Wow, that's...an interesting cake. I was born in the Philippines, and I remember many of my birthday cakes being tiny works of art (a carousel, Snow White and the 7 Dwarves, a Rapunzel with her tower) and they were just gorgeous. I'm not sure what happened here! In fact, one of my childhood treats was being taken past the bakery to look at all the awesome things in the window.
That cake is not beautiful, but I have to say that those bananas, while not pretty, look nice an ripe and sweet. Yellow bananas with green ends might be prettier, but they don't taste as good.
Awful for any cake, horrendous for a wedding cake.
I'm trying to figure out why anyone would put whole, unpeeled fruit on a cake, let alone overripened, unappetizing, whole, unpeeled fruit. Shouldn't decorations on a cake be cut-serve-eat?
Guess this cake will be the couples' "wedding glitch we'll laugh about someday."
Margaritas, sweetie...margaritas. a slow and steady infusion of tequila & lime into your system will take care of pretty much anything that's tryin' to kill ya. Sorry you're sick, but glad you're in Texas:D
Everything is bigger in Texas! Including the suckage.
I've lived in Texas for nearly ten years now and the key is to figure out exactly how many allergy meds you can be on without passing out facedown in your chilli.
Hope you feel better soon.
I might be the one Texan NOT on any allergy meds. Somehow I've managed to avoid seasonal allergies although I've lived her 26 years. My husband is not so lucky.
We've driven many times between Houston and Amarillo (I don't know where Alamo is, but I'm going to look it up!) I can completely commiserate--that panhandle can seem ENDLESS. I mean, once we leave Fort Worth, we practically have to brace ourselves mentally and emotionally...we won't be seeing anything interesting or eating anything tasty for the next several hundred miles (you see, we've got Colorado in our sights when we're making this journey...Amarillo is not the final destination). It is quite exhausting, even physically, to drive that north-west-ward leg. The wind is fighting you the whole way, the sun's in your eyes, there is dirt and dust everywhere, it smells of cattle and not much else...
Anyway :D Welcome to Texas, please feel better! Enjoy your stay, if possible!
My daughter got married in Nicaragua, and the wedding guests brought gifts in all kinds of wrapping paper. Some said Happy Birthday, some was Christmasy looking, etc. I thought it was really weird, until it dawned on my that they didn't speak (or read) English. They had just chosen paper they thought was pretty. I suspect the cake decorator here did the same thing.
And John, I hope you feel better soon. I'm a native Texan, and suffer from cedar fever. But I've lived in other states, and came back here for the barbecue and Blue Bell ice cream. And Mexican food.
Zyrtec
and margaritas
Texas loves you! Feel better soon!
I know! I moved to Texas 3 years ago. Who knew you could have allergies in January?
This is it. the state makes you nice ...or... 100 degrees for 2 months!! try coming in august...yuck! but you have to be nice...
Allergies and winter in Texas really are the worst things about this state. Come back in the spring. Then all you'll have to deal with is the allergies! Hope you feel better!