I should probably filter what I say here, but when I'm craving some delicious cake, nothing matches the taste of an ashtray full of cigarette butts:
Mmmm.Say, if the decorator got rid of just one of those smokes, would the cake then be a cigarette lighter? {{groan}}
Can't bear the thought of chomping on butts? Then why not chew on this mouth-watering tobacco can instead?
Or if that bear is too ferocious for ya, we can always replace it with a cute little donkey:
(See, the bear's head is the donkey ears, and the front leg is his head. See it? He's just reaching down to enjoy some delicious wintergreen grass. Eh? Right? Who's with me, here?)Moving on...
Look, guys, just because her name is Ashley doesn't mean this is necessary:
(Maybe it was a gift from her friends CHARlie, TARa, and PIPEr.)
Plus, why a cigarette cake when Ashley has never even had a cigarette before?
At least I'm guessing she hasn't, since that would have been illegal. And no one smokes before they're legally permitted to - right, Ashley? Right?
At least I'm guessing she hasn't, since that would have been illegal. And no one smokes before they're legally permitted to - right, Ashley? Right?
Making Turkish cigarette cakes must be a real drag:
Loosely translated, "Sigara icmek omru azaltir" means, "Quitting cigarette-themed display cakes greatly reduces loss of customers."- Related wreckage: Proper Grooming
NOTE FROM JEN: Who is Number1? She's my new Jen-clone. Yep. She's just like me, only smarter, cuter, and gosh darn it, a wee bit funnier. I've strong-armed her into doing a few guest posts from time to time, so y'all be nice to "the new Jen" while she gets her feet wet around here. (After that, though, she's fair game. Mwahahahah!)
|
132 comments | Post a Comment
I was gonna say something clever, but you used every imaginable pun having to do with smoking!
heh, Jen:
WHO DOES NUMBER 2 WORK FOR?????
-Jenn
OK, on the ASHley cake, what's the cigarette on? It looks like an Eggo waffle? Gosh darn it, that's just a good waste of waffles right there!
-Jenniffer
http://cupadeecakes.blogspot.com
OH MY FREAKING GAWD!! As if these cake wrecks couldn't get any worse, THEY DID!!!!!!!! They officially reached an ALL TIME LOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Way to go, Number 1! And, Jen, you've trained her well - she did you proud. The puns (oh, so punny!) and yes, I see the donkey, and groans... it's a second Jen! Yey!!!! Who'd have thought the world would be so lucky?!!!
Perhaps it's just me, but I'm generally anti black fondant for any cake. But especially the butt-ugly ones.
These are just... gross. Yes, I am an adult using the adjective gross to explain cakes. Especially that first one.
Can you really picture someone saying, "ok, who wants ashes and who wants butts"?
Blech.
I don't know if these cakes would help someone stop smoking, but the sight of them would definitely help me stop eating cake.
The first "Grizzly" one is well-done, if you can get past the revulsion at a chewing-tobacco cake. The Grizzly Donkey is just sad.
My sister-in-law's name is Ashley. If she's very, very bad sometime, I might make her a Butt Cake like that one.
I'm sorry, but these just need to disappear into a cloud of smoke. Bleh. You should want to EAT cake, not matter how much of a wreck it is, but these just make me want to puke.
Gag.
WV: fries. Would you like fries with these cakes? No, thanks . . . I'll skip the cakes and just have the fries!
These are all so beautifully crafted, especially the first one! Not sure I'd want a slice, though
OKay, while I don't smoke, dip, or do anything else, I'll have to say that cake #2 is actually really well done and doesn't gross me out.
Cake #1 is also well done. However, it DOES gross me out. Same goes for the last cake as well.
And lastly, poor ASHley? Yeah, um, talk about questionable taste. "You're an adult now, and we're going to celebrate being able to legally smoke!" Ugh.
CAKE WRECKS FANS WARNING: Viewing the ill-conceived expressions of cigarette smoking and chaw in cake form may lead to inappropriate feelings of nausea, queasiness, a sickly green pallor on one’s face, and the possible avoidance of eating cake ever again.
^..^
WV: feraist. "I feraist can't eat any of that lovely cigarette butt cake, or I'll be ill."
P.S. Jen enters Cake Wrecks Top Secret Wreckerator Room and looks for Number 1. "Kato? Kaaaaaato?"
You can bet your sweet ash I won’t be having a slice of any of those.
Other than being smoking cakes, those cakes are really well done.
That ashtray cake looks like it could kill you faster than cigarettes ever could...
Wow. These are by far the most disgusting cakes I've ever seen. Who would want to have the thought of tar, smoke and ash in your head while enjoying cake?
I'm thinking a lot of people around here would... we're a tobacco state.
Gross.
Are these really wrecks? I mean, isn't the grossness of the ash tray (which really done well) the ironic coolness of the cake? Just sayin'.
"You don't always die from tobacco/Sometimes, you just lose our lunch..."
Ummmm... ewww!
Welcome Number1! I have a feeling that you will make it so.
Shelley in So. Illinois
I saw the donkey! I saw the donkey!
Well, it's not necessarily illegal for Ashley to have smoked before, depending on where she lives.
From the text we can assume that it is an English-speaking country, and in the UK it is still not illegal to buy or smoke cigarettes if you're under 18. It is only illegal for resellers to sell cigarettes to minors.
Absolutely an unimportant nitpick, I just thought it was an interesting legal distinction.
Ewwwww these are really discusting! I LOVE the ASHley comment...yuck!
Now that is just gross.
Just one word....
Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!
Great first post, New!Jen (and by 'great', I mean 'ewww', which in a wrecker's world means 'awesome'). The puns were right up there with Actual!Jen's. :D
Per the wreckage... I can count on one hand the number of wrecks I've seen here that have really made me think "there is no way I could possibly eat that" (I don't have a particularly strong stomach, but darn it, even weird- or gross-looking cake is cake!)... but that first one certainly makes the list. Augh!!!
I think that the first cake made the list of top 5 cakes that disgusted me the most from this blog.
"Who does Number 1 work for?" Good job, Jen-clone!
Amy
Hey, you guys just got a shoutout from Busy Phillips on the Bonnie Hunt show!
I would never be able to eat that first one. I would taste nothing but old nasty cigarette. Ugh...it's making me sick just thinking about it! Gross!! And who in their right minds thinks it's ok to get a cigarette cake for an 18-year-old?!?!
~Erin
You are the pun queen! I heart you so much right now!
<3 Erin
thriftmadness.blogspot.com
The donkey was the best part of those cakes!
Those cakes are not appealing whatsoever! It doesn't matter how good it would taste, it just looks disgusting.
No butts about it, these cakes are in bad taste! I personally think whomever ordered these (well executed, but cough-inducing confections) really made ashes of themselves.
Cool, a Jen clone. Well done on the puns! No Butts about it!
@Zabinatrix-- That was interesting, actually, because it's the kind of thing you usually only learn by hanging out in another country for a while. That said, I am not a teenager, and I'm not planning to start smoking. But still...
"Hey, what's this weird filling in this chewing tobacco cake? Kinda brown, but minty? Lot of fiber. Is it some kind of garden mulch?"
OMG The Black Dog took the words right off my keyboard.
WHY? WHY? WHY?
Do you think these were smoke flavored on the inside? Maybe with a chewing tobacco filling. Mmmmm!
I smell an intern scandal.
How appropriate that Ashley's cake is labeled Class A-- the distinction of the most dangerous drugs in the UK. From the size of it, I'd say that's *more* than a cigarette...
Just some random knowledge for you...I speak Turkish, and the writing on the wreck-y cigarette box says "Smoking shortens your life". Way to make people not wanna smoke-with a horrifying cake!
This was a beautiful collection of wreckiness & punniness. Yes, this is why I come here each morning.
Thanks, Jen and Jen #1, for making the ridiculous into the hilarious.
(That being said, I really think the first couple are pretty awesome in their details. Their disgusting, blecky details.)
Um, I don't even get why anyone would want a cake with matches on it. Sick.
so. unappetizing. How much do you have to love smoking to have it celbrated in cake?? disgusting! I can taste the ash now just looking at that first one. And why does chewing tobacco come in a wintergreen flavor? is this to help mask the nasty tobacco breath? what's next, tobacco stained teeth? a tar filled lunged?
G-ross!
wv: bodie. These nasty tobacco habits do not bodie well for the health of your bodie. (two uses!)
I'm a non smoker and really passionate about it . This is just disgusting
huh, another type of butt cake. This time, minus the exploring proctologist....
ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod tell me those are not real cakes? tell me! I've been reading for a while and I never, ever thought I'd see cigarette cakes. YUM!
Ok, these wrecks really remind me of a cake made by a coworker about a decade ago. It was a beautiful cake that had nothing to do with smoking or cigarettes or tobacco of any kind, except that my coworker was a chain-smoker.
The beautiful cake she made TASTED like smoke. Poor beautiful cake suffered just because it was crafted in a smoker's home.
What a tragic waste of cake.
The first cake brought me back to the nastiest taste I'd ever had- my mother used mostly empty coke cans for ash trays in the car. I got in the car after school one day, and went to reach for a cold, frosty....eugh. Ash 'n' butt soda.
I agree that black or nearly-black fondant is cake fail.
i don't condone smoking but in the US it is legal at any age to smoke you just can't but cigarettes before 18
Ewww! Holy SMOKES, those cakes are disgusting!
I think most people have already summed up my feelings toward these cakes.
One word....WHY?
There has been so many times I have said that cake is so pretty I couldn't eat it - or that cake is so mis-formed/deformed I couldn't eat it. Well these are just soooo disgusting that I definitely could not/would not eat them!
I'm baffled... except for the, er, donkey - they are really well done!
But who in the world would want to be that tacky? Hmmm... perhaps the next thing we'll see are trailer trash cakes?
that turned my stomach like you can't imagine. Give me birthing cakes ANY day! lol
I sort of see the donkey, but it looks more like an aardvark to me.
I have to wonder if they flavored these cakes with liquid smoke, to make them all the more "authentic."
"Mmmm! You can really taste the char!"
-Curt
You know... While the idea behind these cakes is extremely unappetizing, at least most of them ARE well done!
First I thought those butts on cake #1 were real. Then I clicked to enlarge and saw that they were fondant. Then I realized it didn't even matter if they were real or not-- eating that cake would be impossible either way.
I am one who can overlook a multitude of sins if they have icing on top. But not this. I could not bring a bite of cake to my mouth if it made me think of (retch) cigarettes.
Liz in Seattle
VW: turpi. Definition: the sound I made when trying not to vomit in my mouth while viewing tobacco cakes
I guess in all objectivity most of those cakes are skillfully executed and look realistic, but why are they making cakes of cigarettes and chewing tobacco? Gross!
By the way, I think you should change Jen #1's name to Jen Prime (or Jen'). Not only is it cooler and nerdier, but also more Star Trekkian.
Liz in Seattle (again)
To be fair, subject matter aside these cakes are all very well done, in my opinion. (maybe not #3)
This post brings the ick-factor into a whole different dimension.
It's not illegal to smoke before age 18, it's just illegal to buy tobacco products. Big difference. Smoking is gross btw.
hiliarious first post Number 1! welcome to cakewrecks. gosh, those are some nasty cakes! if you've never smoked before, can you still say that you haven't if you eat one of these cakes?
Most of these wrecks are wrecks in concept, not execution. The only cake that is also badly executed is #3. #1 appears to be well made, but it looks way too much like an ashtray for me to ever want to eat it. The wreckerators who made these, except for #3, did a good job fulfilling some wacky customer orders. If only they could have persuaded the customer to let them make something else.
Wow, Jenn, you are SMOKIN'
(okay, I had to say that. Sorry, move along. Nothing to see here folks)
I have never wanted to run away from a cake, like NEVER, but these cakes make me want to take a "cake break". They are so gross. I can look past the well done this, or that. You should never look at a cake and not want some of it, that should be illegal!
*groan*
Those were REALLY bad puns.
And cigarette cakes? Seriously? I think these are the worst cakes I have EVER seen. Ew.
Oh no #1 is by far the worst cake I've EVER seen, and we've had some doozies here on CW. All my mind was doing when that image seared itself into my brain was scream why, WHY, WHYYYY???
I was feeling nauseous coming here today. This hasn't really helped :)
So much sugar, flour, vanilla, and talent to produce such....ewwwwwwwwww cakes. A shame. Such a waste.
WV: uncyte: Can I uncyte these? I want to eat my lunch without puking.
Nice job, Number 1!
I agree with the others in that these are well executed, but just too gross to think about eating. Blech!
I almost tossed my cookies when I saw that ashtray cake. There's a wide line between laughable and disgusting. This cake is disgusting - even writing about them is making me queasy..
Found your blog through the bloggies nominations, great blog - very fun :) Makes me hungry though.
OH, oh, oh....those are just the sickest cakes I've ever seen, especially the first and the Turkish ones. I don't even think I could taste them blindfolded. I just ordered my lunch but I think my appetite might be taking a quick holiday....
um.... pardon me whilst i empty the contents of my stomach... Ugh, I think I will be taking a break from food for the rest of the day... GROSS!
Why is ASHley's cigarette in the ashtray upside down? See, the lipstick end is in the ashtray, and the smoked end is sticking out. Having a fail on a cake that is that wrecky already is just redundant.
-Kathy
I haven't seen a comment yet on the disproportionate size of Ashley's cigarette. Looks more like a roll-your-own joint. Not that I would know about that, of course.
I must respecfully disagree regarding the relative grossness of cigarette cakes versus pregnant torsos and creepy babies. I would definitely eat cake #1 before I'd eat anything that resembled human anatomy!
OMG I just vomited in my mouth a little. Those are truly the most disgusting cakes I have ever seen.
*hurl*
That first cake was so realistically done that it doesn't seem like it should be called a wreck. HOWEVER, it's so disgusting that it's the most wrecktastic disturbing cake posted here. I don't think I could eat one bite of that. Yuck-O.
I think they were quite well made, and a crazy person I have to say the ability to make cake unappetizing while still appearing well-made is quite a challenge indeed.
And here I was hoping for some good Groundhog Day cakes! Total disappointment! :)
actually I though that all the cakes with the exception of the donkey and the squashed cigarette of ASHley were avery nicely executed.
If you want to write "WHY?" to a cake I would have to go with the archived (please don't ask me where) cake featuring the naked woman in white chocolate seductively draped over a cake with bondage dark chocolate girls decorating the sides. That to me was a much more disgusting and unappetizing.
non smoker by the way but i believe in freedom to smoke.
As someone else mentioned, the Turkish one says "smoking shortens life" or "to smoke is to shorten life" so I guess it is some kind of anti-smoking cake? Maybe you are supposed to buy it for a chain smoking relative.
*groan* Oh, the puns! The puns! *chuckles* Nice work there. ;)
As for the cakes themselves, I can only ask, "WHY???"
Number1: your "cigarette lighter" joke wins all the prizes.
Welcome :)
a.
"From the size of it, I'd say that's *more* than just a cigarette..."
Yeah, no kidding! [nudge, nudge. Know what I mean, know what I mean...]
Here I was all geared up for a pee-stick cake to ruin my appetite today, but these are doing nicely as well.
Haha! After Ash and her buddies Char, Tar, and Pipe are done doing what they do, I guess the munchies will kick in and be what prompts them to actually eat that cake.
Um... Ashley's cigarette looks more like a doobie. Just sayin'.
P.S. Word verification is "torment"
As long as "Number One" doesn't get demoted to a nurse any time soon, I'm a-okay with the clone.
Unless Jen had to die by exploding tumor in order for us to meet the clone...years later.
Don't worry - I see the donkey too. :)
Trish
Totally a donkey! I could see it far easier than trying to make it into a cousin of the bear on the cake above (before) it ;-Þ
Oh, so gross! So, so gross!
That first cake - and quite possibly the last one as well - would be perfect for someone who's quitting or has recently quit smoking.
"See? See how gross this is? This is not you anymore! Go you!"
WV: unconeri. That first cake looks unconeri realistic!
Don't worry Number/Jen. I see the donkey. Remind me again why people smoke? You had wrecks to make people go on diets, now to quit smoking!
Baker: Tell me little something about your girlfriend so I can personalize her cake.
Boyfriend: Well, she's smokin'.....
Cake Wrecks was mentioned on The Bonnie Hunt Show today!!! Apparently Busy Phillips is a fan!! Congrats!
Today I'm celebrating 4 years being smoke free. These cakes made me remember why I'm a non-smoker now. :) :)
I am looking at your first picture of the ashtray and thinking "yuck"! It looks so real! I think I smell stale smoke....
The Turkish cake so reminded me of when I lived in Istanbul and the warnings on the cigarette boxes just made me laugh because they are sooo blatant. My favorite one translated simply as "Cigarettes KILL YOU."
Just a word of advice to the new Jen. Don't use italics. It makes it seem like you think we are too stupid to get it.
Eurgh! I can't get over how incredibly tacky these all are, no matter how well-done they may be. Yuck! I know that first one is really frosting and such, but I have no desire to eat it!
I nearly lost my appetite for the cake I made for my LOST premier party tonight.... bllleeehhh!!
I gagged. Then I though of stale cigarette smell and gagged harder. Who the heck though those were good ideas.
I would totally eat the pregnant cakes before I could choke down an ashtray cake. And I adore cake. I could eat it all the time. But not these.
I agree with those who stand amazed at the excellent execution and total revoltingness of the subject matter.
Great job #1-- I'm always a little sad when I see cakes like this... most of them are done well, they are just horrible ideas. What a waste of talent
Eeeeeeewwwwwww!
My husband, upon seeing the ashtray wreck ... "EWWWW. Who's gonna eat THAT?" I have to agree, yick. Even if you're a die hard smoker, I couldn't get past the mind-tastebud connection that tells me "I know it isn't REALLY ash, but I taste ash."
WV: Slowbet - It's one hell of a slowbet that I'll touch that ashtray cake with a 10 foot pole.
The post was great, as usual, but I *really* could have used a disclaimer. . . something like, do not read while eating breakfast. . . ugh.
-Sarah
Hmm, reminds me of those delicious cat box cakes. "Yummy".
But I have to say, #2 is very well made and doesn't seem that gross to me. But the rest? Ugh...
I think I found my new diet plan....
Thanks for the cakes! Love you guys!
This was the first time on this site that I ever felt compelled to shield the computer screen from my 6 year old daughter. DISGUSTING. Sometimes, no matter how well executed or crafted, a wreck is a wreck, because it just shouldn't exist. Bleh!
Coming across this post got to reaming me of our college days...when we use to do all such activities...just to relieve our minds form all the stress and depression of the studies.
luxury bali villa
"Greatly reduces loss of customers"
Fuuuunnnnnneeeeeeee.
Although, I have no idea why I find that delightful.
I can't even imagine eating those...
"Just a word of advice to the new Jen. Don't use italics. It makes it seem like you think we are too stupid to get it."
Perhaps YOU haven't NOTICED how people write emphasis on certain words in HUMOR BLOGS THAT DON'T BELONG TO YOU??
Sometimes the wise man is the biggest fool of all.
Hey, I smoke and all, but I'm not asking for a cigarette-themed birthday cake. That's just...weird.
I've been an addict to this site for months now, but I have to say, these tobacco cakes are actually the first cakes I seriously would never eat. They are DISGUSTING, especially that first one. EWEWWWWWWWWWWW. I just lost my appetite for the rest of my life.
I'd rather eat the cake with the pregnancy stick on it.
-Sue, Canada
What else could say, "We want to celebrate the day of your birth by reminding you of your cancer-inducing addiction"!
Um.. Jen, about the comment you said about the Ashly cake.
In some states it is legal for someone under the age of 18 to smoke cigarette, but not buy them. Buying cigarettes under the age of 18 is illegal.
Actually some places you only have to be seventeen to legally smoke, but eighteen to buy the smokes. It's a cruel work isn't it? lol, I'm not a smoker and don't think I could even eat that butt cake at the beginning! All I would taste in my mouth would be ash...
Wow, that 18th birthday cake looks like it could have been my friend's birthday cake. Her name is also Ashley and she used to smoke a lot.
This proves you can get secondhand gagging by looking at these cakes.
The foot fungus and the bedbugs don't seem so unappetizing anymore...
Tobacco and cake are two things that should never, ever go together. Blech!
PURE INSANITY!! can't even believe it. the ashtray is craziness!
BTW - legal age to buy smokes in England (where I live) is 16! Which funny to me, because the DRIVING age is 17!
I don't know if I can agree with these being cake wrecks...well, the second Grizzly one, maybe. But these seem to reflect the poor taste of whoever commissoned them, since almost all of these are really, really well done. Particularly the first Grizzly cake. So, come on, cut the decorators a break...unless, of course, this was featured in the bakery's design book as an option.
Now that you mention it, black icing does kind of taste like that :)
ew
cigarette cakes...
Cakes and cigarettes do not go together at all. No no no.
Alright, the birthday cake dedicated to Ashley is not quite what you think...
The "cigarette" sitting in the ash tray is a joint and the pack of menthols are there also to show that this is, in fact, a cake for a pot smoker. A lot of pot smokers smoke menthols because it's "cooling" on your throat because pot is so harsh.
Yep.
Any of these tobacco flavored? THAT would make anyone quit!!! -Trying to get the man in my life to quit - 5 months left until our son arrives!!