Wednesday, August 19, 2009

A Day in the Life of a Wreckerator, Pt 2

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

TO DO:

6. Practice flowers


7. Pitch that idea to store manager

"So, we take the leftover brownies, lots of icing, [demonstrating]...mush them together...and voila! Brownie Ball!"

8. Dust the displays

"Meh, I'll get it next month."

9. Print new store signs

[evil snicker]

10. Determine once and for all how much dye it takes to induce diarrhea

(FOLLOW UP: Send "get well" card to Steve.)


Cassandra, Amanda, Chloe, Matt K., & Steve S., "thanks".


- Related Wreckage: Proper Penmanship
Josh (the DMT) said...

I think that the trail that will be blazed will be a person shaped hole through the wall as whoever eats that red cake (which I'm pretty sure is 90% dye, 10% cake) crashes through the wall on their way to the bathroom!

Josh

http://thedmt.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

"Sorry" in quotes is pretty insulting!

Julie in Arlington said...

You give us the brownie ball and "practice" flowers, but no public restroom...sheesh. Well, frankly, I much prefer a private one.

*Akilah Sakai* said...

You could probably get stoned from that Trailblazer horror cake.

Lola R said...

each photo is worse than the last! *shock*
the penultimate trail has been blazed.

Trevor said...

Um, what's up with that brownie ball? I hope this isnt' a new trend we're going to start seeing more of. I mean, really, who thought this was a good idea? Oh, right, yeah, the person who did the dead (ie brown) flowers. yeah, totally see that.

The Courteous Chihuahua said...

I'm actually diggin' the Brownie Ball.

I think on Steve's To-Do List would be have an ambulance on call to take him to the hospital after that icing makes its way through his digestive tract.

Wide Awake Wife said...

With that much read and black dye, that icing has got to be bitter! There's no such thing as no taste black! That is if you can even get past the look of it to attempt eating a piece!

mysleepinghusband.blogspot.com

Kristina said...

mmmmm. Fiberdust. gick.



wv: enmetra; red dye induced enema.

Tigerwolf said...

Picture #6: Who pooed on the petunias?

#7: Speaking of poo, who tried to build a snowman in the dog-walk area?

#8: “That’s the last time I order from Miss Havisham’s Bakery!”

#9: “Oh, that explains pictures 7 and 8!”

#10: Even after the apocalypse, sports will be played!

^..^

Suburban Princess said...

I LOVE the "Sorry"! LOL!

Richard said...

At least the quotes on "Sorry" are accurate for a change :)

Elena said...

I've had a completely red and black cake--no diarrhea, although we all did look like vampires for hours with our red-stained teeth. The wreckerator's gonna have to do better than that.
You know, I really hope there are no wreckerators making gluten-free cakes. I may have to figure this out beforehand, because I will make my own wedding cake if necessary.

Julie said...

I'm dying to know...

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a brownie ball?

What's in the center of the brownie ball?

Can I please have the phone number of Dusty Flowers Bakery? I've got a hankerin' for lint covered icing roses.

Lisa said...

I'm not gonna lie. I'd totally eat the Brownie Ball.

Terry Lee said...

that brownie ball is, well, something. WTH?

Casey said...

Wouldn't the red and black induce "dye-arrhea" (not diarrhea)...? HA I crack myself up.

Tigerwolf said...

D'oh, I meant "...pictures 6 and 7!" in comment 9. Time for more coffee!

^..^

WV: midengib. I midengib an extra look at my posts before I post 'em!

frigglesnitz said...

"Sorry" must be read in the same smartie-pants tone as the kids used in the 80's commercial for the board game. "Soorryy."

They will be sorry there's no public bathroom if they go back to the store after Steve's party.

WV- rodist A person who believes that rodents are supreme beings.

Anonymous said...

We're "sorry" we can't offer you a "restroom". We "hope" you make it to the "nearby" public toilets that are "only" two "blocks" away. Have a "nice" day!

LaurenH said...

Yeah right, I'm sure they're "sorry!"

Ewww! For some reason extra-dirty displays like that are the worst and make me feel even more sick to my stomach than something like...oh i don't know, a cake with toe fungus maybe? (don't know WHERE I would have seen such a thing! ;))

Paul E said...

The only thing that would make the brownie ball better is if there is a single, lonely cupcake nestled snug underneath all that icing. Please tell me this is so.

very married said...

haha! these are great! i love the "sorry"

Leah McNally said...

Those dusty, falling apart displays in bakeries baffle me. Wouldn't you think having appetising, attractive stuff on display would be important? I think that would be clue #1 that you might be dealing with a wreckerator and a good reason to check out another bakery.

And the "sorry" - hillarious.

EEM said...

The dust on the flower literally made me want to puke. "Gross!!" :) hehehe

Fluffy Cow said...

My eyes! My eyes!!!

Miranda said...

Josh lmao. Now I am thinking of times that, oh, how can I put it delicately, my boyfriend Ate Bad Things and I completely expected him to be launched from the bathroom through the roof of the house...

Brown flowers. How appetizing. NOT. And whoever came up with the Wad O'Brownies was high!

tattooedmommy said...

Dear God What A Mess!!! I'd hate to be the one to clean up after that Trailblazer cake~~~~

Ellen said...

I have this hysterical mental picture of people with black teeth after eating the last cake... though it sounds like black teeth would be the least of their worries.

HorribleLicensePlates said...

NOOooooOOOO! That dust is atrocious!

Stephanie said...

I like the *evil snicker* after the "sorry" picture.
As for the overdyed cake, all I have to say is "Yikes!"

Michelle S. said...

mmmmmMMMmmmm...

those poo flowers look delish!

Evalis said...

6. vomiting corpse flowers
(vomitus morbitus for the Latin inclined)

7. mouthwatering idea. HORRENDOUS execution. Still something to mention to the brownie makers of the family since i know they have better artistic sense than this.

8. all it needs is a promotional sign somewhere nearby saying how much they care about cakes.

9. We need to know where this is - no matter where it is it will be funny, just in different ways.

10. do-it-yourself kit on tooth staining. (or considering the amount of red and black dye, maybe 'tooth camouflage' would be more accurate)

Stacey said...

I have to try to believe that the flowers are dying poinsettias...I have to try, I tell you! haha

Also, that last cake made me feel physically ill just looking at it. :S

NoAdditives said...

Great, since I'm newly pregnant and haven't had morning sickness yet I was hoping to avoid it all together. But those flowers just brought it on. Thanks Cake Wrecks!

anaceofkidneys said...

Actually? That brownie-Frankenstein thing looks DELICIOUS.

Anonymous said...

The flowers in the first picture look like those huge jungle flowers that smell like rotting meat. I'd totally want those on my cake.

Sam said...

I actually like the Brownie Ball idea. I wouldn't buy one at the store, but I like the idea of taking brownies and frosting and mushing them into a giant ball to eat. Someone please pass the insulin.

Mira8 said...

Cake Wrecks rules the internets, but today's sign reminded me of another blog you all might like:
http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/

babyblue1217 said...

I sooo know now how that melted mess happened! (see http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2009/07/christmas-in-july-going-dutch.html)

Assistant manager: Rob, it’s your turn to dust the display cakes.
Rob: Huh? What! I did that last week! It’s your turn!
Ass. manager: Ah, no- it’s-not. The boss left me in charge…of you. So get to it!
Rob: …mutter…mutter..mutter.. [digging through supply closet and finds the shop vac]…wonder if this still works...evil grin.

babyblue1217

Amy said...

The poop flowers and dusty cake is just gross.

~Amy B

Melissa (& Billy) said...

Those flowers look like something out of Invasion of the Body Snatchers. *shudder*

The Brownie Ball...an example that sometimes it looks great on paper...and looks like a wreck in person.

Dusting: OH my goodness I eat at a tea shop near my work and I've watched their displays get grungier and grungier. Blargh.

Trailblazer: How about I blaze a trail to the nearest restroom? OH WAIT that's right no public restroom. =P Dude, if you serve a cake like that, you HAVE to have a restroom.

Yiiiiikes!

WV: Stionol--After I ate that Trailblazers cake, I had to take some Stionol for the unfortunate effects.

diddleymaz said...

Poo flowers! dusty wreckage and violently dark trail to Hell cake and brownies? surely you spoil us Jen!!

Anonymous said...

I need one of those brownie balls after a night out!

Alix said...

Is it just me or do those practice flowers look like chocolate starfishes? I'm just sayin...

Melinda said...

Okay, those dusty roses are dis GUSTing!

Christina said...

Am I the only with the urge to punch the brownie ball really hard and watch all the icing ooze out?

cottoncolors said...

We often make cookie cakes for family birthdays because my kids aren't big cake fans. I think I will be incorporating the Brownie Ball in the next celebration!!

Mary

Laura said...

that dust on that cake makes me sick! i can't believe someone would leave a cake like that on display! oh wait, yes i can, it's Cake Wrecks! you can believe everything they say, right? ;-)

Chad said...

["Sorry" No Public Restroom] will most certainly lead to [Clean up on "Aisle 2"] even if the customer is on aisle 7!

WV: ousep - If Ousep this red and black cake, you should have your head examined

BillyD said...

Mmmmmm, brownie ball...

Anonymous said...

not gonna lie...who in gods name would honestly go to a store when their display cake was that dusty!

betty said...

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valeri said...

Ughh. Those flowers on number six are making me nauseous. What flowers are that color?!

Miranda said...

If you're gonna stick brownies together, guys, at least use chocolate icing. That white looks wrong.

Easy brownie icing:

Melt together 6 oz bag of chocolate chips, 2 tbsp. butter, 2 tbsp. milk. Then add 1 cup powdered sugar and beat till smooth. Dump over your brownies and spread with spatula.

Tastes *really* good, looks glossy and pretty. Come to the dark side; we have chocolate.

Sheri at The Loopy Ewe said...

Oh, my word - the dust photo. Ugh, ugh, ugh!!

Anonymous said...

I would have totally wolfed that brownie ball down when I was in college.

It would be better if, instead of a big ball of icing, the center was a big ball of cheesecake.

Anna said...

Oddly enough, looking at that sad Portland Trailblazers cake made my stomach lurch a little o_o; I never expected that..

theotherscrapbook said...

The brownie ball is just so...

I mean...

What possible...

I think some Wreckerators are just fans of this site. I have to believe that.

EB of SpiceDish said...

As long as it's Red Dye #9 we're all good. That's NOT the one that kills you..... right?... RIGHT?!

Lucia said...

that was very interesting!

Brooke said...

[chanting] Brownie Ball! Brownie Ball! Brownie Ball!

Little Luxuries said...

What are the flowers in the first pic made of? Beef jerky and poo?

captcha: weedlatt - Starbucks' new marijuana, coffee and steamed milk concoction.

EMH said...

wow those flowers look nasty.... blah

diopsideanddiamonds said...

We got a shipment at work last week and inside was an envelope marked

"Packing Slip"

I thought of this site.

Eleanor said...

Those flowers look EXACTLY like sea stars, aside from the fact that they appear to be covered in rotten egg or something...

craisin:D said...

Holy cow! Haha i think the one that disgusted me the most was the "dust the displays" one....yuck!

After seeing that, I wouldn't be able to walk out of that bakery fast enough!

Hope you are enjoying the rest of your summer!


Yours Truly,

Caitlyn

sendingtheclowns said...

Tutorial for practice "roses" :
(A.K.A. "experimental appetizer")
Here we go! We start off with a nice, slick (some say, "slimy") bed of fresh seaweed ...a few baby pigs' ears, arranged in a fanciful pinwheel fashion.....ISN'T this FUN!....Now, a dab (JUST a dab, mind you) of homemade raspberry cream filling...
And to top it all off--a fillip of pureed liver-- et VOILA!!!
("Voila" WHAT, we haven't figured out yet.)
***************************
babyblue1217 said...
" ...Assistant manager: Rob, it’s your turn to dust the display cakes."
***
Why, that's just silly!
Unless Rob is a complete idjit, he should be able to tell that the display cakes are *already* dusty enough!!!
=^~-^=

archersangel said...

seeing as how i'm allergic to red food dye, just looking at that last pic is almost enough to make me run to the bathroom. they must've used every bit of red & black dye in the place!

Anonymous said...

let';s wreck em.

Gladys said...

The brownie ball is not as it appears, my friends.

Inside the snug confines of the viscous icing and the protective brownie shell, like a hideous teratoma, lies a CCC waiting to be born!!!

We have finally discovered the reproductive process of the CCC...and brother, it ain't pretty.

Anonymous said...

I found out the hard way that too much black dye in icing will turn your poop bright green. It was terrifying, and I'm never eating a cake decorated like a piano ever again.

littleravenshop said...

Am I the only one who thinks that brownie ball looks really tasty?

Kaaren said...

Wow! The "Sorry" sign is a little better than THIS gem I found at Sam's last week.

http://kaarensblog.blogspot.com/2009/08/dont-forget-your-diapers.html

wv: rascr. That rascr thought he could get away with that signage!

Octan said...

Took me a moment to recall what those "flowers"' petals resemble. The answer: Slices of Cranberry sauce.

Also more decaying display cakes! For those who weren't around for the last batch (heh), apparently display cakes are foam under the (admittedly real) icing. They're not letting whole cakes sit out like that. Still, you'd think they could spring for hosing them off and re-icing them every few weeks or so.

Anonymous said...

well actually the brownie ball thing looks kinda good 2 me :)

Shelley said...

haha! I would rather see "sorry" or "thanks" than another abbreviation... tks, txs... especially in emails! Arrgh! Important words people! Go ahead and through in the extra letters.

~ L. K. said...

I deeply enjoy Tigerwolf's Great Expectations joke.

I would also love to know what is, in fact, in the middle of a brownie ball. I keep thinking that it's a cupcake. Cupcake plus icing plus brownie. It's possibly worse than a CCC.

I have a mild feeling that the dye they used for those horrendous flowers is extremely faulty. It looks as though it USED to be a light pink.

Dea said...

You know it's bad when the cake glistens....

kakurlander said...

The brownie ball seems to be related to a bakery "manager's special" one of my co-workers brought in last week -- a danish ring split horizontally, filled with buttercream, dotted on top with more buttercream and formerly fresh berries, then topped with big chunks of raisin pound cake. Mmmmm!

WV: carin My name, just horribly misspelled

kitchenmischief said...

i cannot get enough of this blog. wonderful voice!

Anonymous said...

I think the last cake is for a guy named Stewart not Steve, or at least that's what the piped name at the top looks like to me.

DangGina said...

Laughing so hard at the "brownie ball" cake.

My stomach churns at that Trailblazers cake. The diarrhea would be an interesting color too. (Sick, but, I daresay, true)

Bianca said...

Just wanted to say: Thank you so much.

Even on days when I'm feeling sick (like today) you and your site of baking disasters never fails to make me smile and laugh.

-Bianca

sterrapin said...

Hi Jen knowing your a self-described non sports fan, it appears that the final cake was given as a tribute to what I assume would be the recipient's favorite NBA team, the Portland Trail Blazers (I noticed the Blazers' pinwheel logo in all that red and black dye). Clearly though, that cake gives a whole new meaning to the term "Rip City" (a phrase coined by longtime Blazers announcer Bill Schonely). Enjoy the site as always, also follow you on Twitter and FB too.

Kim Kasch said...

Love the Trailblazer diarrhea one from a Portland, Oregonian !!!

Wally said...

That last cake... wow. That would taste truly, truly horrible. So would those flowers, for that matter...

(Um, silly question, but where's part 1? I searched for it and couldn't find it...)