That's the wedding cake.Uh, maybe I should give you a moment.
[whistling]
All better? Have all your co-workers/family members gathered around the screen in response to your shrieks? Good. 'Cuz I want to talk about the consultation that resulted in this cake. Do you suppose it went something like this?
Bride: I want my wedding cake to look like my dress.
Baker: Sure, no problem. You want it on a dress form?
Bride: [scoffing] Uh, no-oo! It has to be on a body. MY body.
Baker: Wait, you want a full cake statue of yourself? Like this? [shows photo of infamous bride cake]
Bride: Ew, no! Who'd want to eat my head or arms? That's gross.
Baker: [relieved] Oh, good, 'cuz for a second there...
Bride: So just leave my head and arms off.
Here's another view: The limbless bride surveying her domain.
As you can see, the bride (the headed one, I mean) thought it would be cute to put her veil on the neck stump after the ceremony. Which certainly adds...well, a veil to the neck stump.But you know what my favorite part is? Go on, guess.
No, not that. Or that. Hah! Good point, but no. Look, I'll just tell you, shall I?
Ok, it's this: the shoulder stumpies look a lot like outstretched, plucked chicken wings to me. Here, look at the first photo again and tell me you don't see a plucked headless chicken in a dress trying to flap off to freedom:
Flap flap flap.You see it, don't you?
And if not, rest assured Headless Plucked Chicken Bride will be seeing YOU - in your dreams. Mwuh-ha-ha-haaa!
Sleep tight, Anony M.
- Related Wreckage: The Infamous Bride Cake
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166 comments | Post a Comment
What do you call a headless, armless, legless guy in a hole?
Phil!
What about in the ocean?
Bob!
What about in a pile of leaves?
Russell!
myolderbrothers.blogspot.com
Wow. Just wow.
- Katherine
Yowza.
WV: deatach: In order to make a truly terrifying wedding cake, you must first "deatach" the head and arms.
Oh my... That's unfortunate.
It IS a plucked chicken! Or turkey... all I can think of is Monica in Friends with the turkey on her head...
Ummmm.....words escape me
mysleepinghusband.blogspot.com
"Does this cake make my butt look fat?"
Oh dear God, no. This is almost as bad as the Lenin cake the other day.
When I was a small child, I used to have nightmares about dress-shop mannequins. I think I shall be having them again tonight.
I'd go to see that movie:
Attack of the Headless Plucked Chicken Bride!
Now at a theater near you....
this is the cake Henry VIII would've ordered if he could.
Yuck. I don't care to.... I just don't care to.
I TOTALLY want the armpit piece!!
Hallie
Maybe it did come with a head, but they saved it for their anniversary?
www.highglossandsauce.blogspot.com
oh dear, that's awful.... now I'm wondering, was the bride actually happy with this cake?
Really, you must start putting warning labels on these: "Swallow your coffee and put down the cup before attempting to read the following post" - it really would save on monitor mop-up
Does it even look like her dress? It looks all crumply and weird. she should have posed next to it so I can see.
Eating the head & arms would have been gross, but I wonder how many were demanding boob pieces???
Yikes. I really can't believe someone would order that on purpose, for a real wedding... I got the meaning behind the bride statue cake (if only the tradition of it), but this one? Yikes.
I took out my rant about the decline and fall of cakey civilization here--you can insert your own if you wish. Actually, the bakery did a great job--the cake looked nicely made, but the concept...
WF Phire. We need to empty the room, but don't yell phire. Just set out the headless, armless bride cake.
It's like the waist-down-only ballerinas yesterday. Or the baby legs and diaper with no apparent head. Or the hand with the ring on the engagement cake. People!?!! No body parts!!!! We don't want to think about eating flesh!
I really hope that the bride asked for a cake that looked like her dress and meant that she wanted the cake layers decorated with ruffles/beadwork/whatever and not the headless, armless wonder that she got. Kind of like the cake competition in Oklahoma that a few years ago had the theme of wedding dresses. Or maybe she was just crazy and liked the idea of a headless, armless wonder, your site has proven time and time again that people have questionable taste.
Let me get this straight: After the veil sat on top of presumably hair-product covered hair, presumably attached to a bride who may or may not have been sweating from nerves, the bride affixed said veil to a product which her guests were to eat?
I see nothing wrong with that.
(I will give her credit in that it seems she didn't actually jab the combs into the cake. It's really not as bad as I make it sound.)
hi there! I love your blog and would like to subscribe via my blogspot account. However, I can only subscribe via the feed you have and it gives me all your posts in a list instead of directing me to your blog. Do you know how I could fix this? Thanks so much!
What I'm wondering is:
Did the bride and cake dress to match? Or did the bride quickly change once she saw the cake?
I need to buy stock in Unicorn Chaser if I want to continue to visit this site.
Most wedding just cost an arm and a leg...
Not only is the cake totally ridiculous and hideous, I can't stop thinking about the fact that the veil that was on her HEAD is now resting on that cake....the cake that people are supposed to eat! NO WAY!! Every single bit of this cake idea is GROSS!
Taylor, what do you call a headless, legless guy hanging on a wall? Art. Laying on the floor? Matt.
Heads are for chumps. The bride's just showing how enlightened she is by preparing us for the day we'll all be cool headless people.
I'm calling dibs on a slice of armpit!
I call dibs on a slice of armpit!
(oh and my word verification is Bridemis - as in missing? hahahaha)
I can only hope it was ordered by a bride that LOVES this site, and her whole family gathers round the phone every morning on a conference call to see the post of the day. So when it came time to order a wedding cake, the only logical answer was this....this thing, and they are all in on the joke and no one was traumitized. I hope.
Poor Great Aunt Gertrude has no phone or computer and they forgot to let her in on this little joke, she will never be the same.
Becky
So, the groom cake no doubt had him all in black and carrying a giant scythe, right?
i got a kick out of this post!
::sigh::
I know that it's the bride's decision. I know that we all have different tastes. There are, however, ways and means of designing a "unique" wedding cake without resorting to attempts at re-creating living beings (or, heaven forbid, using cheese). A good cake baker/decorator will sit down with you and help you design something nice.
Not a peach-coloured, wrinkly torso.
It's not pretty, and everyone will be hooting about it afterward.
Yargh.
I don't think this is really a wreck, we just aren't intelligent enough here on Earth to understand alien cultures ... obviously that's the bride in a Dalek wedding :-)
Wow...that's...wow.
Huh.
Is the bride on the "healthy" side? Becasue that cake looks awfully thick.
Like Meg I too wonder did she really like the cake...because I can see a hint of pride in these pictures.
so... I noticed the cake was on a half round cake board. Was this just another bad choice or is there an armless, headless groom cake to match on the other half circle?
-Amber
What do you call a headless, legless guy on a cafeteria table?
Trey
---------
What do you call two headless, legless guys sitting in a window?
Kurt and Rod
---------
What do you call a headless, legless guy on a baseball field?
Second base.
Brideshead Revisited?
Creepy. But not as creepy as the full-body cake commission of the bride from before!
Continuing Taylor (My Older Brothers)'s theme:
Headless armless guy on the wall? Art.
Front steps? Mat.
Water? Bob. Haha
Be afraid. Be very afraid. Chickens in wedding gowns are taking over!
~Amy B.
wv; thesly "The groom was sneaking some cake on the sly."
Gaa...I'll never be able to look a whole raw chicken in the face again...oh..wait..
LMAO! (mopping coffee off my screen...I should read the comments first!) By all means, save room for cake!
LMAO! (mopping coffee off my screen...I should read the comments first!) By all means, save room for cake!
Perhaps the bride is from Planet Claire.
*if you get that reference you win the internet.
Oh yes and...
What do you call a chap with no arms, no legs, and no torso lolling about in London? Ed!
Maybe it was just the lack of arms and a head, but the proportions on the wreck don't seem quite right either, or maybe the bride really is shaped like a wardrobe.
I do see the chicken wings flapping. Though I thought it looked more like the headless, armless corpse of a little person in a wedding gown.
Is that weird?
How much you want to bet she'll have the belly cake for her baby shower?
Do you think that her husband is headless too? Perhaps she was trying to be kind to the cranially challenged out there?
aaaaaggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! what the hell!!!??
i will never be the same again .
"Marie? Marie Antoinette? Why, you've...um...never looked better!"
^..^
sigh
Was she high? I mean seriously?
Headless, armless replica of your dress cake? What the...she had to be high.
Perhaps she was a bridezilla. And somebody wanted to... send a message.
* Veil on the neck stump
* The shoulder stumpies look a lot like outstretched, plucked chicken wings to me
Imma hafta flip a coin to decide which of these comments made me spit out more coffee.
You are still the Queen, madame.
OMG! I am just at a loss for words. Jen's commentary made me also imagine various conversations of the dear bride's loved ones trying to talk her out of such a cake...
I also have to commend all of the people who have previously commented on keeping their comments clean because many R rated comments certainly came to my mind... I am a gen Xer who grew up on John Hughes movies (RIP John...) with some beloved R rated humor. This cake would've fit in nicely in the wedding scene of 16 Candles with the self absorbed bride...
Compliments to Jen for taking the pg route with this one... athough she could've entertained us with an Amber sequal... hmmm now there's an idea, Jen...
WV = rigra. Sorry all I can relate it to is Viagra... anyone else?? :)
The dress part is well made and rather pretty. Too bad the top is reminiscent of poultry.
wv: boxings
They'll be boxings lots of cake to take home.
Who would want to eat the cake after she put her veil (yeah the one from her HEAD) on it? ewww gross. I flip out if there's a hair in my food. I wouldn't touch this with a 10 foot pole.
Tonya
thats some kinda cake dressing lol
Oh, Jen...this is just delish!
From the back view, it appears to be a headless, armless, corpulent 'little person' bride.
What a fabulous treat for the guests!
~Gwen
Okie dokie.... My first thought before I got all the way through was what did they put on the turkey?
And after the cake is cut, the awkward conversation overheard at the next table is:
I got an armpit; you got a boob... Can we trade?
*head desk* I would have liked to hear what the guests said about the cake, jajajaja
Poor thing probably thought this was the height of fashion and good taste. I wonder what the headless groom's cake looked like.
oh dear god!
there are no words to describe how freaky that is!
I have the snot nosed giggles now.
Thanks Jen...my coworkers appreciate this.
What do you call a headless, legless girl on a book?
Paige
---------
What do you call a headless, legless girl on a stone wall?
Ivy
---------
What do you call a headless, legless girl on a driveway?
Alexis
Where are the photos of them eating the cake - I'd love to see the groom smashing boob into his new wife's face! Haha.
This is pretty disturbing, though, I don't want a torso modeled after myself at my wedding...
Perhaps peach fondant should just be outlawed to prevent fleshy numbers like these.
AGREED that is is absolutely the height of disgustingness that she put her hair ornaments on the cake after they'd been on her head. yuuuuck.
Maybe it was never meant to be eaten...just a beautifully decorated convenient place to stow random accessories, yah know, maybe the bride could tuck her underarm dress shields into it, too, once the nerve-wracking ceremony was over. eeee
It's amazing they added the veil with out a head to put it on.
at the risk of repeating a comment that has yet to be approved, doesn't it look like her ruffles fell down in the lower front of her dress?
OMG...I figured it out.
They're fans of West Side Story...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_A0fVWomF90
^..^
one thing WHY ?
What is the fascination with dress cakes? It usually ends up looking like a regular cake with horrible fondant draping. I don't get it.
ha, yes! It reminds me of when Amelia Bedelia was supposed to 'dress the chicken' (or maybe hers was a turkey) so she dressed it up in little baby clothes :)
I am totally freaking out about all the details of my impending wedding today - and this just really gave me some perspective! In the best and worst possible ways...the plucked chicken flapping for freedom?? Tears in my eyes I'm laughing so hard! Thanks for this one - I needed it!
The dress itself isn't bad. The choice to put it on a headless, wingless chicken was.
Worst idea ever.
What fo you call a one-legged girl up against the wall?
Eileen
UGH, that is just wrong.
I will give them credit for the job they did on the dress though, it looks great.
Ok, the second photo with the cake surveying her domain looks like something out of a horror movie. Like any moment she's going to send the headless bridesmaids to attack all the guests.
Okay, last three... I promise:
What do you call a headless, legless guy on a restaurant table?
Bill
---------
What do you call a headless, legless guy hanging out at a voting booth?
Chad
---------
What do you call a headless, legless guy on a soundstage?
Mike
At least there's points for creativity. "What people don't like my cake? Well I'll just put my lovely veil on a neck stump..that'll make them oooh and aaaah."
I actually don't think it looks too bad. That's what a dress would look like on a mannequin right?
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs burried 6 feet under?
Doug
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs burried 3 feet under?
Douglas
What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs on the beach?
Sandy
Umm, it's a dress form cake. What's the big deal?
Well, at least it wasn't for a pregnant bride, cuz that would have been waaaay too weird.
Was the bride pleased with this.....creepy thing?
Oh, I love this! I keep thinking, "Off with her head!" and then for good measure, "and her arms!" Some brides would make people want to do that, really.
Wow...just...wow...
Have you noticed that in the pictures where you can see the guests that everyone is standing WAAAAAAAAAY back from this...thing?!! They're probably afraid the bride has a hole under the table and is going to pop up and stick her head and arms through the proper spots... (shudder) Or that the wingless chicken bride is going to get them.
The funniest thing was the advertisement running to the left of your plucked chicken flying away statement. It was for frozen Tyson chicken wings. hee hee!
When I saw 'bri'...I thought you were posting the ultimate 'BRIS' cakewreck. There's a little nugget to watch out for...no pun intended.
Anyone notice how very far, far, far away all the guests are from the cake? I don't blame them. They're probably all trying to politely ignore it, while nonchalantly deleting the bride from their phones and contact lists.
Was the reception at Sleepy Hallow?
Hey, I might get a dress-cake like that, so that it will make me look thin by comparison when I stand next to it.
When my roommate complains about my screaming in the middle of the night, I'll give her the link to this website so she knows who's fault it really was.
Plucked chicken bride... bluugh...
Awkwawesome.
Was the bride's name Helena?
I'd love to see the shot of the bakery folks bringing this in and setting it down on the table. This has nothing on a 'saw the assistant in half' magician cake. Or that album cover from Yaz.
WHy? That's my only question; WHY????
MOTORBOAT!
the Henry VII wedding cake, please...sans arms.
wv-ressess "Sweetie, maybe you should ressess this headless-chicken-with-a wedding-dress-on cake idea, mkay?"
sure hope the bride isn't really built like that. and that the dress wasn't as much of a wreck as it looks like in the cake....
I'm hoping maybe she's an aspiring designer?
This bride got it all wrong...when the guests are taking bets on how long your marriage will last you tell them to kiss your behind, not eat it.
I can understand the concern everyone has expressed over boob and armpit pieces, but have you all bothered to ponder the horrors that lurk a little more south of those slices here? And let's just hope no hair from her veil(!?!) made its way down that low...
I can't help but think that this needs a little framed photo on top of her face.
And I know that the wedding is 99% for the woman, but not having the man ANYWHERE near that cake was not very nice! Or VERY nice, depending on how you view it.
Ways this could have been even creepier:
--Traditional cake toppers (tiny people growing out of her neck!)
--Shove her shoes in the bottom for the "full effect"
--Cake is actually made out of cheese
--Cake is actually made out of the bride*
--Groom's cake was this one
*Too far? Yeah, too far.
absolutely speechless...everything is wrong about this including the scale. What was the bride and the baker thinking?
Oh, definitely should have gone with the dress form. Dress forms are elegant. Headless, limbless bodies, not so much.
WV: exemat - where you go to wash all your exes (who happen to live in Texas).
I, for one, am curious about what flavor of cake it is....
~Bonnie B
I can see the chicken wings. Oh sweet Jesus, if only chickens could fly, fly away.
OMG. That is TERRIFYING. What do you want to bet the groom didn't get a say in that cake?!?
Why does this remind me of Beetlejuice?!
reminds me of the scene from Beetlejuice, where the couple summon the dead, and the wedding dress starts floating and then she gradually fills it out... *shudder*
So, did they save a boob for their first anniversary?
And I don't know what those guests are all so scared of, it's not like "she" has a handy knife, or a hand to hold it in!
I must be the only person on the planet who actually likes this cake..... !
(no, it wasn't mine nor do I know the person who ordered it nor who made it)
FYI - the head of the 'infamous bride cake' is sculpted out of polymer clay by my very talented friend Elizabeth Bonura.
You know, the cake might have been ok if it was the bride's gown on a dress form. But this? Gah!
TOTALLY saw wings at first look too!!
LMAO - wv: dandinga
I got nothing, but it sounds vaguely naughty....>:)
So, look: the guests in the background aren't really so much avoiding getting close to the cake as they are waiting their turns at the bar.
Because they pretty much want to be good and blitzed before they're expected to actually take a piece of this amazing confection and put it in their actual mouths.
That's not even the most disturbing thing, in my opinion.
This wedding is apparently ALL about the bride.
What's the groom, chopped liver??? Not even a little representative bow tie laid reverently at her feet? (Oops! There ARE no feet.)
Hmmmm...maybe the groom is the BAKER of this cake...
Aaannd...in a sick, vile, and completely twisted turn of events--has turned out to be a crazed axe murderer, just waiting to take a whack at the non-cake version of his lovely and egotistical bride.
What do you call a headless, armless, legless guy in a pot?
Stu
Scariest wedding cake.ever.
As my two year old would say, "I havva quession fo you.".
WHY???
(actually posted by Evan's Mom)
http://www.lemondrop.com/2008/12/11/cakes-gone-wrong-very-very-wrong/
some of the cakes are great, and some you already have. But this slideshow has a lot of cakes you will, I promise, completely hate.
not cool!! I mean, seriously not cool at all!
http://confessions-of-a-waitress.blogspot.com/
Either she was marrying Ichabod Crane, or she reeeally needs to stop biting her nails...
LMAO!! Oh my, I have no words!! lol!
I was actually think more of a frozen turkey than a chicken due to the size of the cake.
if my coworkers gather at all, it's going to be a result of my incessant giggling.
Taking in that title and photo at the same time was priceless. You just made my day.
Although we read your blog daily, never before has a cake made us go all Colonel Kurtz in Heart of Darkness like this non-appendaged monstrosity.
THE HORROR!
Don't have the URL handy - might find it later - but it would be worth trollingYouTube for Tom Petty's video for "Don't Come Round Here No More" - it's trly wonderfully 80'sAice-in_Wonderland-themed surrealism ... and it ends with an incredible cake.
And understand that they almost didn't get usable footage of that part because ... well ... rock'n'rollers ... you'll likely get what i mean if you watch it.
umm...sick?
That's just ridiculously creeptastic! I can't really ever understand what some of these people are thinking when they order these cakes. Or when people MAKE these cakes.
/facepalm
pennilessscholar.blogspot.com/
Just curious, is Anony's last name Mous?
This is reminding me of an episode of Doctor Who...or maybe a couple smooshed together.
and the ad on the side is for cornish game hens!
What I don't understand is why do brides pay $$$$$ for a fancy veil/tiara combo and then take it off as soon as they get to the reception?
Part of me is reminded of that statue of Venus Di Milo. And the rest of me is reminded of the Black Knight scene in Quest For The Holy Grail. It was just a flesh wound.
What I do not understand is the current fashion for brides in America to wear red sashes. This is a custom that originates from the middle east and represents the bride's virginity. The groom is to cut it off and present it to the bride's father the next day. Ew!
When my hubby looked at this monstrosity the first thing out of his mouth was "Exterminate!" So Len wasn't the only one who saw a Dalek in a wedding gown.
This is the best cakewrecks post ever in the history of ever.
EVAR.
Unfortunately, I DO see it.
Note to self: do not read Cake Wrecks before going to bed.
Wow. That's surreal.
"Boxing Helena," anyone?
I have left you an award on my blog. please feel free to ignore it if they drive you bonkers(!)
"neck stump", hahhahahahahahahaha! I don't know why, I guess in connection to wedding cakes, that phrase just causes me to LOL!
Taylor:
Who is by the BBQ?
Patty and Frank!
At the front door?
Matt!
am i the only one who wants to see JEN'S wedding cake?
I've passed a blog award on to you. You can stop by my blog to read about it :)
I'm never quite satisfied with these cake wrecks. I want to know more of the back story. Seriously, though, did the bride LIKE this? Is this what she wanted? I need more details!!!
What's REALLY sad is I know what designer and style that wedding dress is. Evidence the bride-to-be crazy is infecting me? /shudder
But isn't that actual Not Edible fabric on the cake?
WV: Veiljuice - the final ingredient in dismembered wedding cakes worldwide.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
Reminds me of this old urban legend:
http://www.snopes.com/horrors/gruesome/furry.asp
why?! really.... just why?
Here is my husbands version of the headless jokes....
What do you call a headless armless bride?
Hetty!
I agree with Anonymous...Yes, we all need to see Jen's wedding cake!
Where is the outrage over the whole concept of a wedding cake that is all about the bride's dress? My mom called my hubby "rental boy" while we were planning our wedding (which was NOT all about me -- I'm very shy!) but this is going a bit too far in the direction of ignoring one half of the marriage, don't you think?
WF: "outwoo" -- that's how the poor schmoe got into this pickle in the first place.
That's horrible!
I found this one and immediately thought of you: http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.myweddingnigeria.com/wp-content/weddingcaketopper1.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.myweddingnigeria.com/2007/12/04/creating-special-and-crazy-wedding-cake-toppers.html&usg=__vpG2Pqk_kJp9B74hNsctmUQlXh4=&h=375&w=500&sz=30&hl=en&start=99&tbnid=2e7cJRFX43n25M:&tbnh=98&tbnw=130&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dwedding%2Bcake%2Btoppers%26ndsp%3D20%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26start%3D80
*shakes head sadly*
This could have really worked if they had just made it a dress form.
This totally reminds me of a bride I saw on TV once: http://www.bestweekever.tv/2008-1-7/the-best-thing-ever-bride-gets-a-wedding-cake-shaped-like-herself/
You're just weird, Jen. Sorry, but it's true. Maybe you should cut the amount of sugar in your breakfast cereal...
All I can think of when I see the veil on the stumpy cake is, that thing was on her head. And now it's on the cake. That people will be eating. Right?
Words of my 8 y/o daughter: Bleeaaahhh... That's creepy!
This isn't a cake of the bride, it IS the bride and she married the scary man torso cake! (see the old entry re the bachelorette cakes...)
This reminded me of the movie "Boxing Helena" for some weird reason.
I haven't laughed that hard in awhile... thanks, Jen.
Funny, first thing I thought of on seeing Headless Armless Bridestump was this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sdUUx5FdySs
those little kiwi wings. LOL
I can't believe it! Do people actually think these things through?
I had a bride call me and ask if I could make her and her two bridesmaids in their dresses, hair, face and all life size as her wedding cake.
Me: silence.....thought bubble....(seeing the infamous bride cake in my head x3. YUK. and thinking what the heck happened to your poor groom anyway? It's all about you and your besties and your bad taste. poor guy) formulating an answer in my head she cannot argue with.....
finally replying "no I'm sorry I do not have a way to deliver 3 life size 3d cakes of people. Thank you for your interest. Good luck."
Red velvet cake?
OH MY GOD!!!
I haven't laughed so much in years.
Thanks for that!!!