Saturday, August 15, 2009

Wreck Creators

Saturday, August 15, 2009

"Hi, Mr. Smith? This is Wreck-Creation Bakery calling to confirm your order. Would you mind telling me the kind of cake you wanted again?"

[writing] "...'in middle'. Ok, great. And what did you want the inscription to say?"



"Great, got it! You can pick up your Wreck-Creation tomorrow at 1. See you then!"


Anna E. & JR, excellent Wreckporting.


- Related Wreckage: The Problem With Phone Orders
Nanny said...

well...,on to another bakery.Could I just have a plain cookie?

Anonymous said...

Is there an area of the country that has more wreckers or is a nation wide epidemic?

Janelle said...

At least the script and balloons are pretty in the second one...

Samantha said...

I really worry about people sometimes. This didn't help.

Hahaaaa. . .that's upsetting.

TheQueen@TerrorsInTiaras said...

Is that first clever inscription written on a lasagna noodle?

sendingtheclowns said...

TOO MUCH!!!
What IS that thing on the first cake? A lasagne noodle???
NOW I know what to grab when I'm searching frantically for something to write on when I'm taking a phone message!
And, come ON--please tell us what's under that censoring slab!
Dirty minds want to know!
=^~~^=

Natalie said...

Wow. These are awful. Aw-ful.

Half Assed Kitchen said...

Did they bake their brains into those cakes or what?

Angie said...

I'd love to hear the excuses that came with these wrecks.

Mira8 said...

Whoa, I think that second Wreckerator knew exactly what he/she was doing, with the literal expletive and all...

Still a wreck though.

Shannon said...

I SO hope that those two wrecks are in the book. Their perfection is astounding.

Karen B. said...

Oh, I just love that bottom one!

Meagan said...

Even if someone wanted fruit on the top, is what they put on there, remotely right? What is with the fruit in the brown husk? The rest look like melon balls - really? That thing is just a mess.

As to the 2nd one, they definitely got something funny!

schism said...

You know, given the instructions for the second cake, I'd have done the same thing.

Anonymous said...

I love the first one. If the lasagne noodle is removed, its very pretty!

these literal ones are my favorites, even though my hope for humanity dies a little more each time.

Alex

Anonymous said...

So...on the "fruit cake", why did they add crayons [I know, they're not crayons but they look like it!]

Kelly said...

These are my favorite kinds of wrecks. Anyone can make a lousy balloon - I know, I've seen them! - but it takes some special zen to write what you see without overthinking it. Thinking "They want it to say WHAT!?" never crosses their empty little minds. I admire that.

Stephanie said...

I don't dare say, "Now I've seen it all," because I know that come Monday I'd have to take it back.
That first cake looks a little odd just by itself, but the inscription makes it downright hilarious. As for the second one, what on earth was that Wreckerator thinking? Were they really that dense or was this a lame attempt at something witty? At least the balloons turned out nice for a change... *remembers wrecked balloons from previous posts and shudders*

Rebecca Welch said...

Teh stupid-it burns!!!!

Who hires these people???

Julie said...

I like the second one. They got *exactly* what they were asking for! Hilarious.

Anonymous said...

I don't think these were mistakes or accidents. I think they were passive aggression.

Or possibly the wreckerators got slammed with a ton of orders and after doing hundreds of orders for hours on end just stopped reading what they were doing and started copying whatever they were given without thought.

But personally, I'm going to go with passive-aggressive.

And the "lasagna noodle" looks like a slab of white chocolate.

Sue said...

What?! They followed the direktions!

Wide Awake Wife said...

I love the 2nd one! It screams touché! lol

Anonymous said...

did anyone else notice the crayon butts sticking out of the first cake?

mmorowitz said...

Re: #2

I sincerely doubt someone told the decorator to be funny. Who asks their bakery to come up with comedy for them, sight unseen. This was obviously intentional.

Co-worker #1: "What should we put on your birthday cookie?"

Co-worker #2: "I don't give a s--t. Something funny."

Co-worker #1, being funny, tells the bakery to write exactly that.

Overall, it's funny. Not a wreck.

CrystalsCozyKitchen said...

I could see myself VERY tempted to do what the second one did if I worked in a bakery... I would find it very annoying to come up with things for other people's cakes/cookies, etc.
That said I would never do it - I don't have the guts.

Sarah said...

Sometimes I wonder if supermarkets/chain bakeries just hand over the writing tasks to someone who doesn't speak/read English very well, but has (comparatively) better handwriting than the rest of the staff. I mean, all they have to do is write whatever is in the box, so it's not *usually* necessary to actually understand what the words mean.

Mif said...

I don't think the second one is a wreck. I think it's brilliant. If someone was rude enough to give those instructions, then that's exactly what they deserved. Besides, it *is* funny.

Becca said...

sendingtheclowns, if you click on the cookie wreck and look closely, it's pretty easy to tell which word it is that they blocked out. Rhymes with truck.

And I agree, I think the cookie wreckerator knew exactly what she was doing, love it!

Amy said...

I want the fruit underneat that.

~Amy B.

:-( said...

Somebody needs to listen to some George Carlin. It is the internet after all.

Little Lovables said...

bwaahahahaaaa! that last one is incredibly hilarious, props to the wreckerator cuz he/she got it right!

Graceful Moments said...

The huge number of cake wrecks you manage to find never ceases to amaze me! It is really hard to believe that there are that many "non-thinking" people in this world...and these are only the ones in the bakeries and cake shops. Just think how many other kinds of wrecks there are out there. On second thought, I don't want to know!!!

Kore said...

I have to agree with other posters that the second wreck was exactly what the person ordering it deserved. Who talks to strangers like that? Yeesh.

wv: patenton. There's no patenton good manners, anyone can use them.

frigglesnitz said...

BWHAHAHAHA! The second one is brilliant (passive-aggressive, but brilliant!) Thanks for the coffee spray, Jen!

WV-amoseup- "When I sees me a filly in the honky-tonk bar, amoseup on her and offer to buy her a drink."

hillary said...

the "fruit with a brown husk" in the first picture is a ground cherry. i've never seen one on a cake before!

Maddy said...

Hmmm the literal minded can be a lot of trouble in the cake department.
Cheers

Lady Anne said...

Meagan asked about the yelllow fruit in the brown husk on the first cake. They are called "Goldenberries" and are native to South America. Rather hard to find in the States, though, but you can locate them in places such as Wholefoods. They resemble yellow grape tomatoes, but have a sweeter taste. You can eat them out of hand or put them in salads.

Cyndi said...

I'm in the "second cake is purposefully passive-aggressive but hilarious" camp.

Heather said...

Ok, first off, if someone wants fruit on the cake, isn't it usually peeled and sliced? It looks like the wreckerator just put a whole apple, orange, lime on there.
"It's not like the specified HOW the fruit was supposed to be on the cake, jeeze! What am I a mind reader?"
And the lasanga noodle, touche!

sendingtheclowns said...

@ Becka:

Ahhh, so it is! The beginning of a *fancy* "F" and the swooping tail end of a "k."
But, huh? "Fork" doesn't rhyme with "truck." You *must* be wrong.
>^u.u^<
***
@ Sarah:
"...all they have to do is write whatever is in the box, so it's not *usually* necessary to actually understand what the words mean."

I might agree on some (where over the rainbow) level...
But there is no way people should have to pay good money for something that is all ****ed up.
If the employees can't "speak/read English very well" then the stores should (novel idea) hire people who CAN.
So much to ask?

Jules said...

hahahahahahaha that cookie is fabulous. Not for the customer, but for the rest of us :)

AllTimeLow = LOVE. said...

That last cake wins. I want that for my birthday. :D

Anonymous said...

When looking at these, and others like them that say exactly what was written in the "inscription" section of the order form, I wonder if the decorator doesn't speak English, and was just following orders, trying to do a good job. Like the picture on the Cake Wrecks home page that says "Under Neat That." Why would someone write that if they knew what the words they were writing meant? I think in many of these instances, they are just doing what they are told.

Pancake said...

i wonder what kind of fruit is under the lasagna noodle.

it's all slimy and green, sculpted into a near-perfect sphere...*shudder*

is it even fuit? because it sort of looks like a giant snot ball.

i can only imagine what the orange stuff is.

Sharon M said...

Huh. I always thought wrecks like #2 had to do with hiring people who don't speak English very well. Or at all.

Dea said...

Those are reminiscent of the Wreck that started it all! Ahhh, good times, good times.

And honestly, I think they captured the "something funny" on number 2....lmao!

Anonymous said...

I actually think the second cake's quite witty. It IS funny - they got what they asked for.

Lucia said...

that just made my day!
*L

Brigitte Dionne said...

But it's the love you put in that counts not the outcome of the cake itself right? D:

http://lookatmybackpages.blogspot.com/

Hosander said...

These are my favorite kinds of wrecks

Anonymous said...

I like how 'lots of fruit' means 'melon balls, physalis and chocolate straws'. =D

Vellum said...

The second one totally deserved what they got. We should expect decorators to have nice, legible writing and to execute our ideas as nicely as they can. There isn't any way for a decorator to know what the customer will find funny, especially with such a bad attitude in making their request.

nozomi said...

well, the first one is from a chinese supermarket bakery we have in canada..and i have a feeling the reason the cake has fruit and such on top is because for the most part all their cakes look like that..hahaha. in general, fruit is a standard on asian cakes. but the little tag is just too funny !

Ashley said...

LMAO. That was hysterical. I love it.

Emily said...

Hahaha I love the second one! That's what you get for being a potty mouth; the hilarious cookie you wanted!

sendingtheclowns said...

Anonymous said...
"I love the first one. If the lasagne noodle is removed, its very pretty!"
***


Its WHAT is very pretty?
heh heh...
Anyway...
MOST of us, I hazard to assume--do not have X-ray vision.
I only have the ability to cast my own personal gaze across what looks like brittle, dead leaves (mmm, crunchy), slimy peach and pear chunks, and maybe a black olive.
Yeahyummy.
=^>.<^=

G.H. said...

Do the cake makers verify what is supposed to written? Cause I'm starting to think this is more the buyers fault...


http://confessions-of-a-waitress.blogspot.com/

Sarah said...

That is too funny...especially the first one! Only now you have me worried about the cake I ordered for my boyfriend's birthday tomorrow. *fingers crossed*

The Black Dog said...

Five minutes later and I am still laughing at the second cake. It's like some kind of a prank that a baker would pull on one of their regular customers or their friends because they know the customer would take it in very good humor.

Michelle at Her Cup Overfloweth said...

I bet the second wreck creator was thinking: (chuckling to self) "You want it?...You got it."

Delibird said...

Oh Lord, that top one looks worse and worse the longer I stare at it!

Several people have already offered their interpretations of what the glistening yellow ball surrounded by the dried-up brown stuff is. To me, it looks like an egg yolk nestled in a cast-off snakeskin. In a word, YUCKERS!

Flat Top, eh? Maybe the villainous Flattop had the cake specially made for Dick Tracy. If the sight of it doesn't do the detective in, the "fruit in the middle" (a ticking pineapple, no doubt) certainly will.

"Eat THIS, copper! I dare ya!"

Sandy said...

What kind of "fruit" is on that cake?? It looks like some dead birds!

Scritzy said...

I want that cookie. I know EXACTLY who I want to give it to. Bwhahahahahahaha!

And some people call ME a literalist ...

Word verification: orphed. When someone morphs into an orphan.

ksaldria said...

Ahaha! That cookie is epic win! :D

VB said...

um, for those of you who asked: the fruit in the papery husk is a cape gooseberry. yummy, but NOT what you'd expect or want on top of a frosted cake.

how /where did anyone find this fruit anyway? they're very hard to find outside the tropics...

josh said...

Jen,

For your upcoming tour, Petaluma isn't really San Francisco: it's about 35 miles away. You should probably say "San Francisco Bay Area" or "Marin County" to avoid confusing people.

Also, if you want a bakery tour of the city of SF itself (and have time), we could give you one. fuzzy..at..fuzzychef/org.

Moop said...

I wonder if the baker was being a smartass with the cookie. I mean if I was taking an order and someone told me "I don't give a sh!t" when I asked them what they wanted, I'd be slightly taken aback.

Allyson said...

Once again, "Cake Wrecks" proves my best forward of the day.

Allyson
asmellygirl.com

Rose said...

Ahhh! So that's what CW Bakery stands for! I wondered every time I drove by..

http://roseintheslowlane.blogspot.com

Jenna said...

Wow. Just wow.

My fiance: "Well they got what they ordered, didn't they? I don't see a way you could logically prove that the cake shop didn't give them exactly what they asked for. Provided your baker is an android with a poorly-programmed AI."

aly said...

the "lasagne noodle" is a marzipan plaque. i used to work at a pretty upscale dessert place that never wrote on cakes directly, but instead used the plaques...and the funny thing is, they are usually prepared ahead of time, and separately from the cake. meaning that someone probably made it as part of that day's prep, and then someone ELSE put it on the cake when they boxed it up. a two-step wreck.

blueiguana said...

These are my favorite kinds of wrecks. Endlessly amusing.

bodoba said...

that's a pretty funny literal LOL cookie.

Nintendo Jerk said...

What kind of fruit is that? Weird!

Erin said...

That second cake just made my night.

Mewfymewf said...

Hey, just wanted to say that the 1st one is my cake. It's from T&T Supermarket in Metrotown, and yup, I should have realized that this mistake would happen.

It was WAY too funny to exchange.

I don't want to be too much of a sourpuss, but the quality of their cakes has dropped a little. They've been skimping on the "inner" whip cream. I was hoping for lots of glazed strawberries on top.

But it was extremely edible nonetheless, so happy happy joy joy. hehehe

Anonymous said...

Wow, who uses profanity while ordering a cake?? It's usually a happy, festive occasion.

Indy said...

OMG I can't believe it!!

Nearlydawn said...

OK - that cookie cake is about the funniest yet. I would LOVE to know if that was a true mistake, or a purposful wreck.

I have the feeling more and more of your fans are having wrecks created. Just think, you and your wreckporters are slowly, but surely, blowing the minds of decorators everywhere.

I can just imagine some of the odd phone calls they must get. There is some beautiful poetic justice in that...

lotsamamma said...

I agree...I think the cookie wreckorater knew EXACTLY what he or she was doing. i'd do the same thing if some douche said that to me ont he phone!

Sam J said...

Can I just say that the first one with the fruit is nearly as hilarious as the underneat cake. Amazingly funny!

holly said...

I don't think people who have English-as-a-second-language should be blamed for #2. It's not up to the bakery (or decorator) to decide on an inscription. If you're too lazy to be bothered with saying *exactly* what you want written, well...you deserve what you get. "Something funny"? Is it a going away, a birthday, a congratulations, what?

seryan said...

I never took an inscription order *exactly* like number two...but there were times I WAS tempted to write "I don't know, whatever you want" on some poor person's birthday cake because the person ordering it couldn't be arsed to think of even the most basic sentiment. Of course, management had no spine, so it would have just been a waste of a cake.

Rhiannon said...

I don't blame the cookie decorator, if this is what the client said, then they were a nasty piece of work and get what they deserve.

Melissa (& Billy) said...

That's a total shame, since both cake and cookie are well done!

I just don't get it...maybe wreckorators are told "don't question it...people want some weird things on cakes so chances are you're all right." THAT would be the only valid excuse I can think of.

Miss B said...

I think number 2 accomplished what it was supposed to. hehe

Pam Walter said...

These are priceless! I just can't believe that whoever is making these never questioned it. http://blog.sweetservices.com/sweetscandyblog/

VeggieT said...

Loved both of these! Keep the literal wrecks coming! (Oh and a small thank you for the sensoring, we need more family friendly web-content)

David B said...

Well, they did get something funny.

Anonymous said...

Really? Ya'all are critiquing cakes, and you don't know what MARZIPAN is?

That is not lasagna. It's marzipan, which is an edible almond paste used in cake decorations.

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Anon @ 4:12,

Yup. Probably marzipan. Of course, we never said it wasn't.

john

justin said...

:O sweet!

Anonymous said...

Well he wanted something funny