What's that? You thought the books showed the cake designs, too? Ah. Please excuse me for a moment, while I turn my head and laugh heartily at your oh-so-sweet naivete.
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Ahah.
I do so love shattering expectations.
Here's what Naomi J. ordered:
"Taxi!"
Great slithering slabs of slime-secreting slugs, Sally!(Sorry Naomi; I needed an S name.)
Note how all that airbrush dye pools together and glistens wetly in the light. Mmm. And the way that blackened, moldy green offsets the fluorescent green border. Yeah, that's tasty. And, of course, there's the eclair-filling slug bombs; can't forget those.
However, you should also note - and in the decorator's defense - that the batman toys look exactly the same. Hooray, photo book!
- Related Wreckage: Why So Serious?
However, you should also note - and in the decorator's defense - that the batman toys look exactly the same. Hooray, photo book!
- Related Wreckage: Why So Serious?
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159 comments | Post a Comment
i like the skyline in the 'book' example.
i used to spend part of the time Mum was grocery shopping looking at that book of pictures when i was little. i'd pick out which one i would order or make. we never bought cakes like that because Mum's are infinitely better. but i liked the licensed characters.
Oh my...that's all I can muster at this point.
I think we should be glad that at least the decorator did not try to recreate the puff of exhaust coming out of the car.
That being said (and having just woken up) I had to stare at the lemon-tart slugs for a long time before I realised they were supposed to be lines in the road. Supposed.
i hope all that food coloring didn't make it taste nasty.
that makes me sad. and angry. some people have no pride in their work. that wasn't even a difficult design!
....not even a "boff!" or a "pow!"
sigh.
Why is Batman doing the Hitler salute in these pictures? It seems a bit out of character for him. But so does standing still, ankle deep in icing, while injustices like that horrible cake go unpunished!
Josh
http://thedmt.blogspot.com
The really dark night?
Banana slugs!
Ohhhh myyyyy....
*averting eyes*
That is... an intriguing interpretation. :-O
How bizarre. The first one doesn't even look that hard to do, really. It's like the decorator didn't even try.
The cake is definitely a wreck, but I'm stuck on Batman's pose. You can almost hear him say, "Stop, evildoer! Put down that airbrush gun!"
That's just horrible. I hope the wreckreator had a good excuse for that... like she/he was drunk. Or blind.
wow, that is awful. I wouldn't have accepted that monstrosity!
that's a disgusting yellow
It does look a bit like the Jokers face......
Oh, and the nuclear moon! Can't forget that!
Honestly, looking at the first cake, I knew that airbrushing was way beyond your average wreckerator's skills. Yet, that particular wreckerator still managed to amaze me. What another glorious example of wreckitude!
Wreck on, Batman.
(WV: mustsi: you really mustsi this one to believe it!)
The Wreck really Schumackered it up!
As a child in South Africa we would express sarcastic sympathy by saying "my heart bleeds lumpy custard for you". All I can see on this cake is lumpy custard. mmmmmmm.
Good GRIEF!!!!
There's no words. None. Poor Jackson. (I think it's supposed to be Jackson, right?) (deep and heavy sigh)
WV- prizess - That cake will not win any prizess, preciousss.
At least the toys are the same, right? Right? If you squint your eyes and turn your head sideways the cake could work... errr, maybe not, actually.
That is just so bad!!! I guess the only reason she accepted and paid for it is so she could send a picture of the WRECK onto you. =)
AhhhHahahaha...that cake should come with a sound byte from the Joker himself...
Oh my goodness! I wouldn't have even taken that from the bakery! That looks utterly disgusting! Especially the slimy slugs... gag.
Poor Jackson. Poor Naomi!
Before I started making my kids' birthday cakes, I let them choose the design from the book. Their decision was always based on what toys they would be licking icing off of. Thanksfully, they turned out like the design in the book and not like this mess! Yet another reason I'm glad I make the cakes now and am not tempting fate anymore!
mysleepinghusband.blogspot.com
How did they mess up the dividing lines of the street? With a doughnut creme filler thing?
Well, it's better than I'd be able to do. But then, I don't work in a Safeway claiming to be "professional" either.
Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)
Disgusting! Did they actually have to pay for that?
Mmmmmm, great cake for anyone on a diet. Not only does it deter you from having a slice of cake, it may make you lose your lunch.
i have no words. . . and i always do.
*L
I couldn't see past the slugs. *urp*
Gross
Becky
i have no words. . . and i always do.
*L
OH
MY
GOD!
I am truly dumbfounded!
Meow!
http://www.kitty-cakes.blogspot.com
Wow.. the site of those "slugs" nearly made me lose my breakfast. Poor Jackson..
This has to be a fake (they kept the toys from the original cake and remade a bad one). Who in their right mind would accept a cake that looked like THIS?? EVERYTHING is wrong with it!
You gotta wonder sometimes. Taxi...that's classic.
The toys are the same? In the second photo, it looks more like Batman is making an (appropriate) WTF gesture, rather than hailing a cab. Got to love the three pupae on the bottom of the cake though, what are those supposed to be?
@Alex Getts
That's hilarious. "The Wreck really Schumackered it up!"
Brilliant.
Yes I had to double check the slugs to see what they were supposed to really be. It's pretty scary when road markings change like that without warning. Puts a whole new meaning on 'tip' size.
Cheers
Oh my gawd was all I could mutter under my breath.
My first thought was why are there little yellow poops on the bottom of that cake?
My 11 year old daughter (also a cakewrecks fan) looked at the blobs on the left bottom and said, "What IS that?!?!" I said, "Mayonnaise?"
I was going to say that at least the decorator remembered the 3 road stripes, but then I read the whole slug description and ruined my appetite...
W.V. Coragria: The Coragria Slug is a precocious little devil, sometimes refered to as the "butter bug" this little guy is often attracted to sugary sweet substances and watching super-hero movies...
What the...?!?!??!
Those globs of eeriely greenish yellow slimey icing...looks like something a nurse in an OB office would have to clean up after a hooker got an exam.
I love how if you look closely you can tell that the Wreckerator was actually *trying* to re-create the scene from the book...
The brown stripe with yellow slugs is supposed to be the road and dividing stripes.
The black green blob-stripe is the buildings, sort of.
The orange spot in the top left corner is trying to be the sun.
And then the blue blob is sky.
It's kinda like those Magic Eye pictures, just keep squinting, you'll see it eventually. :)
That is downright offensive. That's not lack of skill, it's lack of trying.
OMG!
The slugs! The slugs!
In all honesty, the "original" isn't much to look at, either. But it doesn't have yellow roadkill!
Yuck!
Ooooh... lines in the road... thanks previous posters for clearing that up for me. I could not for the life of me imagine what Batman character flung slugs.
wv: sluggo. Seriously.
I can't believe someone paid for that.
This is your cake. THIS is your cake on drugs.
Just say No to drugs (or slugs, as the case may be)
I don't think this cakewreck is real. I think they ordered it like this, or made it at home.
Just from the differences in color between the source cake and the second, um, example, I think this is simply a cry for help. The poor decorator has eye trouble. Quick, to the Opthalmologist Cave!
I can't imagine what was going through the mid of the person operating the airbrush. I spent over 2 decades working as a baker and pastry chef and that is as bad as anything I've ever seen. I hope that the purchaser of this product was offered a refund, a free new cake and a year's supply of free cupcakes. Then I hope the alleged "decorator" was hauled unceremoniously out behind the dumpster and flogged with some greasy parchment paper. And fired. That item is an invitation to lose business.
Robin is conspicuously missing from the scenario!
what happened to the sun? the sun has fallen out of the sky!! oh dear!
like Jael said it took a second look to figure out what the lemon blobs were SUPPOSED to be. Good thing the wreckorator doesn't do work in the "real" world or cars would be wrecked as well as cakes.
I hope they didn't even leave the bakery with this one... ick
i can't believe no one has made a "holy cakewreck, batman!" comment yet.
ewwww to the slugs. ewwww to the whole terrifying thing.
poor, poor birthday boy.
terry lee
I would NOT have paid for that cake!
Does this wreckorator live where there are no roads???
They obviously have a small tip, they used it for the "inscription".
(Yes grammar police, I reject the rule about punctuation inside quotes.)
@David and Sandy: we have been through this 500 times: Jen does NOT post homemade cakes without disclosing it.
"It's a fake wreck" accusations get old. Time to give up you faith in humanity and accept that people are this bad at their jobs.
Alex
The 2nd ones background looks more like a spooky scene for a southern vampire cake (poorly done mind you).
assistant: "I'm just finishing up that true blood cake they ordered"
boss(coming in with batman toys): "What true blood cake? they wanted batman, here look at the picture!"
asst: "What?!? I know!" (whips out shiny yellow frosting) "I'll just add lines to the road, they'll never know the difference"
I can't even believe this one is real.
Oficially worst wreck EVER!
That's awful! Since I have no baking or decorating skills, I have ordered several of the "book" cakes from grocery store bakeries, and they've all turned out just as pictured in the book.
seeing that makes me really glad that our local store will sell me the toy kit. I just stick it on a homemade cake and the kids just want the toys anyway. That has to be one of the most unappetizing messes I've ever seen. Yuck!
"HOLY SLITHING SLUGS BATMAN, WHERE AM I," the Boy wonder asks....
Thank god they have BOOKS to tell you how to decorate your own cakes. Whether the baker chooses to read them is a whole other thing.
I'm going to delude myself into believing that mommy let Jackson decorate his own cake...snot slugs and all. Because, as we all know, it's entirely plausible to believe that 4 year olds have mastered the art of cursive writing.
I know this is a Batman cake but the only thing that came to mind when I saw it was Harry Potter: "Eat slugs!"
Perhaps the wreckerator had a broken wand?
"Introduce a little anarchy... upset the established order... and everything becomes chaos! I'm an agent of chaos."
Holy cow! What decorator thought THAT was close to what it was supposed to be???
This gives me an idea for playing the game "telephone" with wrecks.
Take a picture of a wreck, go into a store and ask for that design. Receive worse wreck in return. Take a picture of it. Repeat until no longer recognizable.
You can almost follow the wreckoraters train of thought, because, this particular wreckorater has no clue who Batman is, and upon looking at the design they are to copy, assumes the Batmobile is being pursued by small yellow snakes slithering down the road...so they think, I know, we'll turn them into huge giant slugs...the kids will LOVE that!
Oh man, I hope she didn't actually pay for that.
Actually, the "slug" road stripes? Look to me like that foam stuff you get to fill in cracks around windows--as soon as you spray it out, it expands to like 8 times larger. Ewwww. That is truly the most UNappetizing cake you've ever featured!
I think the cake wreckorator in question is a joker, a smoker, a midnight toker.
oh my....we just dont have this kind of thing in the UK where you choose form a book in the store itself....and those sluggy blobby things...excuse me, and going to be siii.....
Oh My Gosh!! I think the slugs ate Robin! Or they rolled over him and he drowned in their ooze... And poor Batman reached out to save him, but was too slow. : (
wv: unglarg- the noise Robin made when he was drowning
OMG! The horror! Can't help but wonder how it tasted...shudder!
Jenn McKinlay
Mystery Lovers' Kitchen
www.jennmckinlay.com
SPRINKLE WITH MURDER:
A cupcake bakery mystery
Berkley Prime Crime Mar 2010
No Jen, it's "Holy Slithering Slabs of Slime-Secreting Slugs, Batman"
Just a little Bat-mania.
I only paid for it because unfortunately my son was with me and just saw the Batman figurine, and happily exclaimed a "Batman Cake!". She only charged me for the plain cake, which actually did taste good, but its not HARD for this one to taste better than it looks!
I feel like a celebrity now, a whole post to my wreck!
Also - if that big black area WERE actually buildings, the Batmobile would most definitely be driving up them.
wow, I hope she didn't pay full price for that sucker
I first thought those sluggy things were peeled garlic cloves, and thought, "On a CAKE?!?!" *shudder*
That is such a shame.
Holy Bogus Bakery, Batman!
OMG! Naomi, I love how it's so bad you're being questioned whether it's legit or you're just some fame-seeking cake-wrecker!! ...not to make any excuses but again I must mention that it was a MILLION degrees that week...driving everyone a little craaaaaaaazy?!! Also making it too hot to bother arguing with the store or with a 4 year old who just wants some CAKE! Love the 84+ comments! :)
Holy Banana Slugs, Batman! It's Jackson's Birthday! I hope he's too young to remember that cake.
The look like the slugs from Flushed Away. Maybe they'll stand up and sing.
Oh, geez.
~Amy B
Snot rockets. That is all.
It looks like an original "Gordon Gartrell" cake, Theo!
Please tell me she didn't pay for that let alone serve it at the kids bday!!
Nope, sorry, wouldn't have paid for it, would have left without it. How disappointing.
Anon wrote:
"This gives me an idea for playing the game "telephone" with wrecks.
Take a picture of a wreck, go into a store and ask for that design. Receive worse wreck in return. Take a picture of it. Repeat until no longer recognizable."
Hilarious idea!!
Monkee Momma, I am glad your little boy was happy with the cake. My tactic when using a "professional" bakery: arrange to pick up the cake early, so if changes need to be made, there's time to do it, and never bring your child with you if it's the child's cake. I learned that from experience. Picked up daughter's cake and she was with me. I wasn't happy with it, but she was, so I paid for it and took it home. This was years ago, before I found my daily dose of Laughter that is CakeWrecks.
Wow the poor cake decorator. Just trying to be original! fail.
it's like ralph steadman before and after meeting hunter thompson.
My first thought... banana slug road kill.
I'm still stuck on the slugs... When decorating, don't you have a piping bag? I mean, I know I do when I make my amateur cakes...so why would you pipe out such huge, horrible things like that unless it's just pure laziness? Squiggliness, okay, even I've done that before. But you have to TRY to get them that big.
I think someone _wants_ to get fired.
What in the hell!?
word ver: mealsit - the occasion that takes place before this nasty wreck shows up.
Holy hack job, batman! This is beyond 'wreck'. And the slugs... I haven't seen something so revolting since those slug things in the swamp in the latest remake of "King Kong". *shudders*
Heh, my "word verification" was bakedu... fitting, this was definitely baked doo
So MonkeeMama, what was the decorator's excuse for it looking like that? I'm glad they didn't charge you full price for it!
BWAHAHAHH... Now I am no Batman fan, but is the Batmobile really able to "climb" buildings? How can he not even bable to place the car on the road?
What really horrifies me is that the slug blobs appear to be a "fix". See the yellow beneath? Like... they airbrushed the lines? And then decided, "Oh, no, that won't do. Let me fix this. Ah! There we go. Perfect."
Vomit.
I can't imagine putting any of that yucky, paint-slick glop in my mouth.
What is up with people who can't even make a decent shell border??? I could do that when I was ten years old! Squeeze, pull, release the icing. I mean...seriously!
lol "why so srs"
I may never be able to eat an eclair or other cream-filled delight again. Those "dashes" look off.
Eekk. How awful. Again, I wouldn't pay for that.
http://confessions-of-a-waitress.blogspot.com/
Erm, it occurs to me, I could toke at midnight, consume questionable mushrooms, and take a handful of random pills, and *still* do better than that.
...hey, if I can do a perfect manicure under such "midnight" conditions, I can do a passable cake too...not necessarily picture perfect, but certainly not a vile horror!
wow...I have no words..I hope they didn't have to pay for it. Looking at it is bad enough. maybe we can at least hope it was tasty.
Holy cow, Robin! I was jarred almost right out of my chair as I scrolled down to see what Naomi had to lug home and then somehow explain to poor little 4 year old Jackson. Looks like an infestation of giant slugs has taken over the road there. And what? No Bat signal?! Shameful. Just shameful.
I wish I had took a pic of my son's 2nd bday. it didnt come home with me. It was a doggie sheet cake with red and blue. But the one I got was a plain white cake with a outline dog bone in the middle with jerry in it and my sons name is jeremiah. I almost cried. I was like I refue to pay for this and then they called the manager who said it was half price. I was not nice.
WHO THE HECK SHORTENS NAMES WITHOUT PERMISSION
Check this one out! An In-N-Out combo meal cake! My favorite is the amazing fries with salt!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/ambermckenney/2707385230/in/set-72157616964387374/
Just for the record: I just found out about this website when I was discussing it with my friend, who recommended that I send it in. Thanks Jen M! Now I am hooked to the blog and will probably never ever experience a postable wreck like this again! Luckily for the future of all of my kids birthdays!:)
ROFL Oh my gosh! That's disgusting. I kept looking at the pic of the book cake and trying to figure out why the slugs were there. it was the wreckorators attempt at the lines on the road. lol And the Bakery manager let it go out the door!
sick and wrong... sick AND wrong.
I look at so many of these entries and am appalled at the results. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't pay for that lame excuse of a cake. I mean, maybe I would just so that I could take it home and take a picture to submit to this blog, but I'd still complain to the manager.
Glad that Jackson was happy.
Have you ever looked at a picture and then tried to draw it again with your eyes closed? Yeh, it sort of looks like they were doing that.
I was debating whether or not to look at the end result...
*face palm*
I'm sorry I looked... that was just awful.
BAHAHAhaha...this is one of the funniest ones yet.
"Glisten" is the perfect word to describe that cake. It sounds /exactly/ like that cake looks: shiny and oily. Yuck!
I think they airbrushed OVER the letters.
I bet you anything the decorator was off that day and a poor untrained co-worker had to make it last minute. D:
You are always clever with titles, but "The Joker`s Revenge" is exceptionally fitting.
I ordered that exact cake for my son's 6th birthday, fortunately it looked like the first picture. What on earth are those 'slugs'???
Anonymous said...
"This gives me an idea for playing the game "telephone" with wrecks.
Take a picture of a wreck, go into a store and ask for that design. Receive worse wreck in return. Take a picture of it. Repeat until no longer recognizable."
***
Hey, look! They already used your idea!
They are REAL pros, though, to be able to get to "no longer recognizable" in only ONE step.
>^!!^<
Now. This is how I REALLY feel:
It's for a kid!! A very YOUNG kid.
And it has little-kid-and-especially-boys-stuff all OVER it:
Batman. Batman TOYS!
Frosting. Very COLORFUL frosting!
And the best thing of all: it was Jackson's BIRTHDAY!
Excitement and fun and being young...!
((SIGH)) Call me a hopeless romantic, but I LIKE this thing.
Wow..that is something I would definitely not pay for.
"Missed mark" is truly an understatement.
ONE word..Hideous
'nuff said!
my first thought o those 'slugs' was "why did they put garlic cloves on a cake with batman?" i don't know which i'd prefer...ew.
Urp. Of all the grotesque things that we've seen on cakes... those slugs, which I believe are supposed to represent road striping, might be the very worst. They look...[shuddering] like puss... infected puss. Excuse me, I must run away now I think I'm going to hurl... happy thoughts...happy thoughts!
what is up with the 1-2 cake per post lately :( has been very dissapointing
I don't think that's airbrushing under the banana slugs. I think that the lefthand slug actually slipped a bit (or crawled away) after it was "piped" on the cake, taking the airbrushed colour with it. Either way, it's a horrible cake. I can't imagine what an awkward situation that would be looking at this thing with your 4yr old excited about the toys.
In a kinda backwards way...there is a certain skill involved in being able to make a highway line look like a slug. Maybe this is really symbols upon symbols in a cake.
Or maybe it's a wreckerpiece.
Oh, for the love of Pete.
That cake would be rejected and NOT paid for on the spot and I would have a few choice words for the bakery manager too !
A pre-made cake in the cooler would however be a good substitute ( with no writing on it at all ) I wouldn't take any chances...
My son had that exact same cake years ago. Fortunately, our local cake decorators take a lot of pride in their cakes and his turned out really good. How disappointed they must have been. I have been so fortunate to have never bought a wreck so far. Tho my hubby (after drinking a few beers) did attempt to make my 30th bday cake and after eating it, my son informed me that the reason it had cake crumbs all over the icing was because his dad had dropped it in the floor and then tried to "glue it back" with icing. nice.
She didn't actually PAY for that, did she?
The yellow "lines" in the road look like blobs of pudding!
Ahhh...I can SO picture little Jackson taking one index finger and going straight for those fat, yummy sluggies right off the bat [no bat pun intended].
~~~~mmmmmmmm~~~~
Can also imagine wanting to try out Batman's skills at surfing across the cake while perched on top of the Batmobile...WHEEEE!
wow, that is horrible! hope she didnt pay much for it!!
Wuaaaaa..What happen? I think it turn like the most dark night ever! And what was Batman telling, is he calling a taxi or Joker?! =D
Summer
Writers Den
Brown Mestizo
Batman should never have to go through this.
mmm slugs. Not what I originally thought they were. Slugs is actually better.
Give them a break! They obviously lost their stencils. :D
what a hot mess...
I think you have finally found a cake which upsets me.
The first cake looked kinda wrecky to begin with, but the second...
WV: "evagging" The second cake made me so disgusted, I was evagging.
FLMAO! this is PRETTY BAD! how are they even allowed to SELL THESE? there's NO way in hell i would pay for this wreck if i ordered a licensed cake and THIS monstrosity is what i got! that's INSANE! and FUGLY as hell!! lmao
o_O That hurts my brain.
I thought the same thing as Jael (way up at the top) about being happy that the "artist" didn't try to recreate the exhaust. (Probably would have been in choclate, but let's not go there!)
And the only thing that comes to mind is "and me without a spoon." *strolls off humming the tune to "great green gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts..."*
Wow. I have no words...
(Except my little sister just pointed out that the non hitler-saluting arm is actually in a different position on the second cake than the first. Maybe it's the angle?)
Actually, I don't think they are the same toys. Batman's limbs are in different positions, and the first car is smaller and shinier.
Of course, if the cake looked better, that wouldn't matter.
This is horrifying. I had to show my husband.
@David and Sandy: I thought so at first too. But then I realized - who would have a pastry bag full of custard creme and a food-grade airbrush at home?
Aw, poor little Jookson. His cake got all... What's that? The kid's name is Jackson? Huh. Coulda fooled me.
ugh, those slug things are actually making me feel physically sick. bleeeehhhh.
i honestly don't know what's worse, the actual cake the decorator created or the fact that someone thought the original was worth replicating.
omg ... i have made that cake at work tons of times... what in the heck was that cake decorator doing......
.....put down the airbrush gun and step away from the cake before some gets hurt!!!
If I were Batman I'd be hailing a cab too.
It looks like batman has a black line of frosting coming from his hand--like when Spiderman would spray web from his hand...is this an illusion or something the wreckerator did on purpose?
how....why....what made them think that would pass for the same thing? are they extremely nearsighted and just thought it was the same thing? or what?
Haha, wow.