Thursday, January 29, 2009

Well, the word "holy" DID come to mind...

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Ok, sure: this first communion cake is atrocious. (Is the dove molting? And why are there more choking hazards on this - something a child is supposed to eat - than in your average Lego set?)

Still, you have to admire the wreckerator's tenacity in scrawling the inscription right over the plastic flotsam. That, my friends, is commitment! No namby-pamby dashes, squished text, or downward spirals here, no sir! This baker does not deviate, does not falter! S/he trudges onward even in the face of crippling ridicule, turning a deaf ear to nay-sayers, a blind eye to the warning signs of impending disaster, a numb hand to the piping bag, a stuffed-up nose to the smell of burning batter, and an insensate tongue to the bitter dregs of defeat!!

[sits back down]

Ok, so maybe I was reaching a little with that metaphor. I thought I was doing well until the "burning batter" bit, though. [taps teeth with pen] Huh.

Still, I think we can all learn something here. Something about perseverance, something about throwing caution to the wind, something about...oh, I dunno... picking the cake up more than 30 minutes before the party starts? [nodding] Yeah, that, too.

Note: Since I get asked a lot, many of you will no doubt be relieved to learn that Wreckporter Holly later received a full refund. You'll remember that more-than-30-minutes-beforehand thing next time, right, Holly? :)
me said...

she wrote it over the plastic? seriously?

The Courteous Chihuahua said...

I was going to say that it looked like Julia herself did the inscription, but most seven or eight-year-olds can write better than that.

Anonymous said...

Jesus wept.

laura beth said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
laura beth said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
1101001 said...

What's a pen? I get that it has something to do with what you typed. Is it some kind of new data input device, like an ultra ergonomic keyboard? Or is one of those old-timey things you sometimes talk about, like the rotary clock thingy? I swear, sometimes it’s like you codgers are speaking another language.

Kerri said...

Somebody's going to hell for this one.

Baking and Mistaking said...

It appears that the dove exploded out of sheer joy. Sigh. If only we could all die that happy.

BakingandMistaking.blogspot.com

Rhea said...

Are you aware that you have a scientology add under this cake wreak? It would be funny if I didn't think that scientology is one of the worst cult and destrying lives in the name of profit. I understand that you probably do not have any input on what kind of add is put in your blog but I would look into that.

Feisty Irish Wench said...

I'm going to assume the wreckorator is not Catholic, nor are they familiar with catholicism in any way. It would explain why the rosary was balled up in a corner though. Almost any other arrangement of the flotsam would have allowed room for the "Congratulations Julia" (hey! at least it was spelled correctly!)

And Laura Beth, the dove is a symbol of the Holy Spirit and it ties into the consecration of the host.

Melissa Gill said...

Why is the rosary scrunched? and what is coming out of the communion cup? and where is the bible flying to? so many unanswered questions.......

Anonymous said...

The edging is nice. Are the things in the left hand corner supposed to be grapes???

ELISABETH said...

Not to mention the horror of slapping a rosary into pee yellow frosting. Ack!

Half Assed Kitchen said...

Holy Crap?

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

Julie said...

Well, on the good side, She did get things assosiated with religion on the cake - chalis, rosary, bible, wafer...

But what in the holy name of Jesus were they thinking??? The dove shouldn't be crapping a wafer into the chalis!

Amy said...

It would be a nice cake except for:
1. The feathers or whatever around the dove.

2. The huge-bigger than the dove- communion wafer

3. The text written over the plastic

Annnnddd...what appears to be a lopsided cake. Does the upper right corner look just a tad lower than the rest?
(Peering at screen)
Yes. I think it is.

~Amy B.

April said...

Ummmm. Wow. I've never seen writing quite that bad on a cake. Or quite so many plastic items.

Glory von Hathor said...

Is that a rosary or those fish eggs you get on the top of sushi?

Alix said...

AT least the cake has God on its side.

Teacher of the Year said...

...Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us (like this wreckorator).

Fluffy Cow said...

I am so glad that the previous commenters cleared up that the pile of round balls in the upper left corner is a rosary... I was really beginning to wonder. Maybe has to do with the shear loudness of the cake.

Double A Training said...

OH my! I'm laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes. All I can think about is how much my grandmother would LOVE that cake! HAHAHAHAHA






badfirstdates.blogspot.com

Bibi said...

I can imagine the phone call to the bakery . . ."yeah, we got all kinds of religious pieces we can decorate the cake with, rosaries, bibles, you name it we've probably got it and what we don't have we'll just make with icing. Don't worry, it will be less 'congratulatory' and more religious we promise."

RobynNewt said...

At least they spelled congratulations properly!

Anne said...

The roses are pretty...

I can't remember if I had a First Communion cake, but if I had had this one I know I would have remembered it!

After looking at this cake I feel like I need to go back to teaching at that Catholic school to expiate my sins. And to pray for the same for the last minute addition of poor penmanship in horrid green icing across the body and blood of Christ.
No, wait, scratch that. The chalice is plastic. I'll just stay out of lightning's way for the rest of the day and call it even. ;)

MommaKnitsalot said...

I have to admit - whenever I feel tempted to eat cake, I just take a gander to your site to see what the latest cake wreck is ... HEY! You should create the Cake Wrecks Diet! :) You could make a ton of money! I should know - I'm approaching 100 lbs lost! lol

Leslie said...

I know that bird! He sits over my car just after I've washed it! Looks like he's up to his old antics...

solvency ii said...

HaHa. I can only laugh at the fact they wrote over the sacramental gourd.

J. Applebee said...

My first thought was, 'Where did they get that tiny Bible from?' My second thought was, 'Are Communion wafers usually plastic coated?'

Cyberrblue (Colleen) said...

That's nothing but a mess...jeez. I wouldn't have paid for that, instead I would have gotten a plain frosted cake and done the inscription myself. It would have looked better at least...

Colleen (cyberrblue.wordpress.com)

Toriisen said...

Did the dove leave a present up in the left corner?

motherzucker said...

I actually thought it was the wreckerator trying to be clever by putting the "t" in congratulations as a cross on the chalice. I mean, it seems sorta tacky to me, but I'm Jewish, so I have no idea what would be tacky in a communion cake. Turns out that tacky is as tacky does, and religion doesn't enter into it...

mustdestroyalltraces said...

they really should have rethought the placement of the dove. as of now it looks as if it's shaking of the water from a recent bath. the bird bath of course being right below it.

that's just awkward.

OldMorgans said...

I was raised Catholic (but it did not stick. I sure did not get a cake for my First Communion, which was probably a good thing judging by this cake. I had to do a second look at the Rosary as it sure looks like a pile of fish eggs stacked above a cross. That tiny dove is making a big mess, for sure. But the best is the writing which just cruises along despite all obstacles.
Thanks for the morning giggles.

sagebeasties.blogspot.com

Tabitha (From Single to Married) said...

So glad she got a refund for that one!

political-poet said...

I'm glad some of the people here cleared some things up for me. I, too, thought that the rosary was a bunch of grapes. I thought that the dove and wafer were a pineapple. Maybe it was the lemony yellow of the frosting that turned me down the path of contemplating fruit possibilities? Maybe it's because I'm Lutheran...

Anonymous said...

I think that stuff around the dove is probably supposed to be the rays of light you often see in such an image.

Unfortunately, what it looks like to me is that the dove is vigorously dipping a cookie into a glass - er, chalice - of milk, and the milk is then splashing cheerfully out.

And I kind of hope the wafer really is plastic. I was raised Episcopalian, and even though I'm pretty much agnostic now, I find the concept of eating a fake wafer on a cake to be somehow vaguely wrong, approaching creepy. Not sure why, I just know that if I were eating this cake, I'd feel much happier having the wafer (and chalice) removed first even if they weren't plastic. Oh, and that goes for the Bible, too, and if I'd been raised Catholic, I suspect I'd have the same feeling about the rosary beads.

political-poet said...

I'm glad some of the people here cleared some things up for me. I, too, thought that the rosary was a bunch of grapes. I thought that the dove and wafer were a pineapple. Maybe it was the lemony yellow of the frosting that turned me down the path of contemplating fruit possibilities? Maybe it's because I'm Lutheran...

Melisa said...

The "burnt batter" bit was the best part. Alliteration must never be questioned.

Karie, the Regular Guy's Extraordinary Wife said...

Yeah, the word "holy" also came to my mind as well! I am an oft lurker, but this one "called" to me! What a mess! The rosary curled up in the corner had me laughing out loud, and the writing across the chalice, just about made me change my pants. Thanks for the laughs!

Cassykins said...

For a split second I thought this was a Monty Python cake. Seems more up their alley than Christianity's.

MonkeyPunk said...

I didn't realize that was a rosary either... the cross doesn't look connected. My guess was it was supposed to be a pile of pearls that were actively not being cast before swine...

sendingtheclowns said...

Aw, I wonder if Julia was thrilled.
Maybe egg yoke yellow is her favorite color--it's not unthinkable. ((gaughhh))
So, curiosity got the best of me, and I Googled "First Communion Party Goods," and Lo and Behold: site upon plastic-overload site of everything one could imagine, and plenty of stuff you'd never imagine (or want to), as well. They've got bibles & crosses confetti (pink & blue AND gold & silver options),"jewelery" (not making this up, SHOT GLASS gel candle favors, and even a gategory called, "What's HOT for 2009," which includes my personal favorite:
"Green Floral Pattern with Cross Design Personalized Iced Cappuccino Favors." (you're a BIG GIRL, now, Julia!)
Catholics have all the fun.

Andrea said...

Did anyone else see this and think Monty Python and the Holy Grail?

bonnie. said...

Baking and Mistaking, omg, what you said? HILARIOUS.
This cake is just one more reason why I'm an atheist, lol.

Erin said...

soooo, what would a good first communion cake look like? maybe just congratulations and a little chalice in the corner? Maybe just congratulatons.

maybe I'm just more willing than the wreckerator to accept my lack of creativity, but I can't really see how you could make a spectacular first communion cake. surely better than this, but not really great like some of Jen's Sunday Sweets.

Am I just missing it? What would make a truly awesome first communion cake?

I Love Baby Quilts! said...

The stuff around the dove is the power of the holy spirit, which the dove represents. Like in this artwork of the HS http://www.catholicfaithandreason.org/dove.jpg

Wow, there's 12 years of Catholic school working for me. I knew it would come in handy someday. Luckily I attended in the post-beatings days. When I got to college I took off Catholicism like a coat, dropped it on the floor, and walked away.

Susan said...

That looks like Mardi Gras beads, not a rosary. I'll go to hell for sure if I say what that makes me think.

Iris said...

Looks like the communion wafer is a bit underbaked too! I've never seen a shiny communion wafer. Ugh.

Hyena Overlord said...

EW...yellow icing...and plastic decorations.

wvotd: flour; This cake is a waste of flour.

heartafire said...

Oh, Anonymous at 9:34---you said it!
and
"Holy Crap," indeed, H.A.Kitchen!

The commentary and the comments are the best part of cakewrecks to me---thanks for the laughs, everyone!

heartafire said...

OOooooh, 1101001, I am going to hafta snatch you up by your little 18-year old pony tail and teach you to respect your elders!

Love, A codger

Ted S. (Just a Cineast) said...

To be honest, I figured (before looking at the large image) that the chalice was fondant.

And the communion wafer isn't plastic; it's cardboard. Just ask any Catholic. :-)

Chic Runner said...

That is seriously just sad. Seriously who makes these?! ha ha.

Erin said...

For my cousin's first communion cake, a simple sheet cake with "God Bless Joey" written on it was ordered.

We got "Good bless Joey."

I don't think god likes cake.

Anonymous said...

I think the chalice and host are actually chocolate, with the chocolate chalice sprayed gold. Chocolate or sugar chalices and hosts are commercially available for this purpose, and I've never seen a plastic one.

HorribleLicensePlates said...

ungodly.

DameRuth said...

I'm surprised they got a picture of this cake before it was obliterated by a lightning bolt or something . . .

Boy, a fake wafer on a cake. I'm an agnostic born and raised and even so that raises my eyebrows.

dogface said...

Oh em eff gee, is that host one of those magical white fudge Oreos that pop up around Christmas-time? XD

Scritzy said...

That's an awfully tiny dove dipping the wafer into the chalice. Does that mean only a small portion of the Spirit was present?

This cake makes me want to cry. For more reasons than one.

sendingtheclowns said...

I meant egg YOLK.
In case anyone notices that I misspelled--I mean, had a TYPO.
heh heh...
=^--^=

WV: actuit: If you yell this word really loudly, someone will say, "Gesundheit!"

Danielle said...

Oh my goodness, this is actually a "pack". Down to the ugly yellow frosting. http://www.sugarcraft.com/catalog/holiday/communion/001.jpg

Poor Julia, I've seen a lot of nice communion cakes. This is not one.

Calantha said...

Hehehehehhe, molting Holy Spirit. Great visual. Or maybe those drops are sweat, because the dove is flying madly to rescue the holy wafer from certain drowning in a chalice of cheap wine.

Anonymous said...

I have to say this was the first time I actually yelled out "OH NO!!" and covered my head with my hands when I saw the picture. That's too bad.

MP said...

No one has yet mentioned how out of proportion everything is. The host is huge in proportion to the chalice, and the dove and the bible are positively minescule. I too did a double take on the whole rosary thing. I thought it was tapioca.

Anyway using a rosary as a cake decoration is just plain wrong.

Alicia said...

I think I'm the only one who thought "What is a pile of snowballs doing on a communion cake?"

And then someone said it was a rosary and I did a loud, "OOOH".

That cake is a hot mess. I love the roses though. They are beautifully done.

Anonymous said...

This looked awkward but not awful in the blog-sized photo. But when I clicked to enlarge it, the sloppiness of the writing became all too apparent.

The worst thing, tho, is that the rosary ... is real. And squooshing a real rosary into the frosting of a cake is just wrong.

As for how one would do a great First Communion cake: The Last Supper in fondant 3-D -- there's something that would stand out.

Anonymous said...

Let's see, a communion wafer the size of a dove? Looks like you're going to need a larger chalice!

Lisa said...

I'm gonna have to say that it was a mysterious attempt at signifying that the Word reigned supreme, above image, chalice, roses,--literally. Very medieval icing iconography!

Anonymous said...

Wow there is nothing else to say.

Sand Mama said...

I can hear the thoughts..."Over the chalice? Around the chalice? Under the chalice? What to do what to do... Cant scrawl across the host, oh the dilemma... Over the chalice we go... is that Julia with two l's??..."

Denise said...

Wow, that has got to be one of the worst decorating jobs I've ever seen! No way I would have paid money for that, glad to hear Holly got her money back!

Anonymous said...

I used to work in a place that had every one of those pieces of plastic. We'd be up to our ears in rosaries and Bible shaped cakes in May. Ahhh the memories...

Misha=)

Heather R. said...

It's a sin against all good, upstanding cakes for this abomination to be brought forth into culinary existence!

Cue the angry mob with pitchforks and torches!

Anonymous said...

Okay this is a first for me but I actually really like this cake. There is something really innocent and endearing about this failed cake. I like the colors and the composition, and It kind of reminds me of the holy grail. Is that what it is? the holy grail?

The whole drinking the blood of Christ and eating his body thing?

Ana said...

I voted for you! I've just discovered your blog (I was looking for cake ideas! LOL!) and I must thank you for turning my day at work from a dreary into a great day! I can't stop laughing and my co-workers are starting to wonder if I've completely lost it! LOL!

Anonymous said...

"You got a nice white dress and a party on your confirmation. You got an ugly cake, and a host so fake." -- if Billy Joel had seen this cake before writing "Only the Good Die Young"

Despite all that, I have to add that I really love the yellow and white. I probably wouldn't use it for a first Communion cake, but I like it.

Mad Hatter said...

that second cake is so pretty

Cassi said...

Two comments for this one,none of which have to do with the, erm, "lovely" writing.
1: Did anyone else immediately think of Monty Python when they saw the grail? (Okay, I may go to hell for that one...)
2: I had the same type of plastic rosary on my communion cake...and the same thought went through my head about the choking!

Carolyn said...

Wow! That's my EXACT communion cake from 15 years ago! Except not exact in the sense that someone more capable wrote on mine.

David said...

I seek the Grail...

Amy B. said...

I have been in indentured servitude at a supermarket bakery for 11 years and I know what a lot of these decorators (I use the term in a kind, magnanimous way) have to work with.

You know what's really sad? The whole thing comes as a kit (just add cake and icing!) and they send you a card with a photo of what the cake is supposed to look like as a guide...

They may have deviated from the photo a bit on this one.

joanne said...

If this thing is supposed to be a kit, with a template, where the heck do they EXPECT you to write "Congratulations"? There's no space! especially not with the dove taking a bath or dunking the host or whatever it looks like he's doing.

The bible looks so lonely floating in space.

the pile o' pearls (rosary)'s placement redemption is that at least there will be less icing to try to clean off those little beads since it's sitting in a pile instead of elegantly "draped" all over the cake (and icing). ick. messy.

Cupcakes Lady said...

I'm laughing so hard I have tears in my eyes, and at times I cant breath! lol xx