Cake Wrecks: Hey, Bebeh

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Hey, Bebeh

Thursday, January 8, 2009

"Girl, you lookin' fine. Why don't you come over here, and give daddy a lil' sugar?"

"Check it. I've got a spiky polar-bear-skin rug for us to lounge on, and some suh-weet champagne glasses the size of water coolers. I even put on my navy blue tighty-whities, 'cuz I know how much you dig those.

"What's that, kitten? You like the light blue ones better? No problem."

[patting rug] "This cracked concrete floor is hard, baby, but not as hard as...er...my...devotion to you? Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Hey, kids! What are you doing in here? Amscray, will ya?"

"That's better. Now, where were we? Ah, yes, talking about how lucky you are - or at least how lucky you're gonna be. [waggling eyebrows] Aww yeaaah. This sea I'm lying in is the ocean of my love, and it's all for you, girl, it's all for you. [wink wink]

"What's a matter, doll? Still not convinced? How 'bout if I do some leg lifts?"

"My sticker may say 'yellow', pudd'n, but this here treat is pure chocolate, if you know what I'm sayin'."

I don't know about you, Aimee T., Lisa C., J.B., and Becky B., but I am definitely in the mood - for cake.

212 comments | Post a Comment

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Sarah said...: Bachelor #3 there looks like he's on a polar-bear shaped pool floatie.

That's the only way I can reconcile the Speedo, anyway.; January 8, 2009 9:41 AM
Alix said...: What says come on over for a booty call more than a spikey Polar Bear rug, cracked concrete floor, and plastic child predator doing leg lifts? Nada, my friends, nada.

Jen, but you are the charmer mon cheri.; January 8, 2009 9:40 AM
Tonia said...: This post had me peeing in my pants. Hilarious!!!!; January 8, 2009 9:41 AM
Jen said...: This is by far my favorite Cake Wreck day!; January 8, 2009 9:47 AM
Ry@SpillingBuckets said...: Haha, I love the bear skin rug renditions - that makes it so much better.; January 8, 2009 9:42 AM
Linnea said...: oh. my.

the bearskin rug is the best part.

what on EARTH is the point of this cake?; January 8, 2009 9:47 AM
Jeshii said...: What is that a reference too? It has to be something, or otherwise why would they all have the same thing essentially? Is this some portion of the collective consciousness that I have (thankfully) missed out on?; January 8, 2009 9:43 AM
Meghan said...: That spike-studded Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man can't be comfortable for that poor guy to lay down on...; January 8, 2009 9:38 AM
Julie said...: I thought the first one was Barbie's Ken wrestling with the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man.

WV: flion.... I want to be the flion the wall when these wreckorators first debut this kind of "art" to a coworker.; January 8, 2009 9:45 AM
Megan said...: Hahahaha! What in the name of buttercream frosting were they thinking???

word verification: skindis. Um, I'd rather not.; January 8, 2009 9:44 AM
D.B. Echo said...: Crocheted polar bear skin rugs are the best!; January 8, 2009 9:44 AM
Gabrielle said...: WOW.; January 8, 2009 9:38 AM
Laura said...: So, do the instructions on the "figurine" package say: "Use star tip to pipe bear skin rug or reasonable facsimile. Place on top of rug."; January 8, 2009 9:51 AM
Andrea Frederick said...: What shocks me is more than one person makes this cake. Honestly!; January 8, 2009 11:41 AM
HorribleLicensePlates said...: Does anyone else see a Nuva Ring on that first cake? Ack!; January 8, 2009 11:24 AM
Anonymous said...: You know those grown men buy those half-naked statues in comic stores of their favorite superheroine or warrior woman or whatever? I feel like these cakes were made for the female equivalent of those guys.; January 8, 2009 11:25 AM
MichieGrl said...: Jeshii, you have never been seduced by a hairless man wearing a speedo on a polar bear rug? Huh. I thought everyone had that experience in their twenties.; January 8, 2009 11:25 AM
Wendy said...: Hmmm... I wonder where I could go to get myself a plastic man...?

Wait! There he is! Why didn't I think of looking in the bakery before?; January 8, 2009 11:40 AM
Kathleen Taylor said...: Looks like one of them is on a maxi-pad...; January 8, 2009 11:23 AM
Carrie said...: I think this is my favorite post ever! this beats the naked carrot jockey babies in my book! I can't believe this type of plastic cake topper figurine thing exists!; January 8, 2009 11:32 AM
Poetry Sue said...: LOL what a great way to start the work day; January 8, 2009 11:32 AM
Heidi said...: I didn't even know they *had* erotic bakeries. Or at least I'm going to the wrong Wal-Mart. Mine doesn't sell nekkid man cakes OR polar bear rugs!

Seriously, who thinks these things up??; January 8, 2009 11:21 AM
Anonymous said...: I think the most disturbing thing about the first cake isn't the fact that it has a near naked man on a bear skin run. No, the disturbing part is the Disney Princess paper napkins in the background.

Please, oh please, tell me this cake isn't for a childs birthday.

If so, I have a number for a good therapist you will most certainlly be needing later in life.; January 8, 2009 11:18 AM
Anonymous said...: Okay...I have to post on this one...what's with the princess napkins in the first picture. Please do not tell me this was for a child's birthday party.; January 8, 2009 11:35 AM
Leslie said...: Men aside let's look at the bears. We have #1 the bear that looks like those egg crate mattress pads...yeah that's sexy alright. #2 looks like he's doing the guru thing and that may just be a polar bear bed of nails? #3 and #4 both have the fierce claw action going on but I've never seen a rug with the claws attached. A trophy mount, yes...a rug? No. Because nothing kills the mood like a pointy claw in the back (or the bottom of the foot) And what's up with the tail on 4? Polar bears have butt stumps, not tails.
Okay bears aside, I can't think of a reason to give one of these cakes other than possibly:
1.) It's going to a Barbie collector who thinks Ken just isn't delivering if y'know what I mean.
2.) You really want to get fired (or didn't pay attention to that sexual harassment cake) and decide this is the perfect gift for your boss.
3.) You're just twisted like that.

Awesomeness!; January 8, 2009 11:30 AM
Hyena Overlord said...: I thought the abmoninable snowman was attacking bacholer #1.

Bacholer #2 has been on display for quite some time judging from the cracked icing. Someone must have done a background check. The tu tu under the cake sends a mixed message as well.

Bacholer #3 has a spelling/spacing error. I think it's supposed to say "Bet it's getting old" in reference to Bacholer #2's cake.

I agree with Sarah about the pool floatie. I see it as well in Bacholer #4's cake. Except he looks like he's in an extra large jacuzzi.

Speedo's and cake are never the right decision.

wvotd vence: the opposite of hence. Bacholer #2's cake was made many years vence the other cakes.; January 8, 2009 11:17 AM
Christie said...: I am literally crying I am laughing so hard at today's entry. I think it was the "pudd'n" that sent me over the edge. :D; January 8, 2009 11:09 AM
Willow Tree said...: Oh My. Hilarious!!

Blessings, Carolynn; January 8, 2009 11:03 AM
J. Applebee said...: Does the 3rd one say, 'Bettis getting old?'. If Betti is indeed getting on in years, then she will surely appreciate the gigalo cake.

These are just horrific, yet absolutely hilarious!; January 8, 2009 10:56 AM
Jon & Anna said...: Hark - do I hear a little Marvin Gaye in the background?

My goodness - that has to be one of the best posts yet! Where can I get mine?!?!?!; January 8, 2009 10:58 AM
Jessica said...: I can't imagine why. Really. Why?; January 8, 2009 11:01 AM
Mazarin said...: These cakes crack me up. They look like something made for a bridal shower/bachelorette party circa 1977. And did you notice the size of the "claws" on the last "rug?" Holy cow!; January 8, 2009 10:53 AM
denise said...: O.M.G.! I Can NOT Stop Laughing over This one! Excellent narration - As Usual!! You Always leave me rolling, but This one was Spectacular!! :-D; January 8, 2009 11:06 AM
Ream O Rama said...: I'm speechless. The fact you could even get one bohunk on a bearskin rug....but no, you get a choice of colors! Wow.

WV: grous. He grous me out, bebeh.; January 8, 2009 10:52 AM
Calantha said...: I wondered why the first guy was lying on a pile of misshapen marshmallows. And why is one lying on a crocheted version of a bearskin rug? And have you noticed that all these male figurines either look like child predators, or those jerks in high school that other girls drooled over because they were on a sports team?

Maybe that's the reason for the speedos. They're all trying to recapture those glory days.; January 8, 2009 11:04 AM
MarieA said...: you made my day today! I am falling out of my chair laughing (sneaking peaks at work) and my team is wondering what I am cracking up about.
For an about to be divorced woman - this is my kind of cake!

Hey! Can I make a request? divorce cakes? puleese?; January 8, 2009 11:11 AM
Stressfactor said...: Oh my God, I used to see cakes like these in bakery windows in the 70's. I thought that the plastic gigolo cake decoration disappeared with disco. PLEASE tell me these cakes aren't recent! Please tell me that the plastic gigolo has not returned (still wearing the same 70's hairstyle no less. Geeze louise, even Ken dolls have changed their hair since then).; January 8, 2009 10:58 AM
harmzie said...: *Somewhere* there has to be an "it's supposed to look like this" photo. I tried searching but came up blank.

Thank goodness it comes with a plastic figurine. Can you imagine if they had to recreate the man?
(crocheted - yes, I saw that too); January 8, 2009 11:07 AM
I'm Losing It! said...: I can't believe they're still doing these cakes! I was an in-store decorator for about 10 years starting in 1991, and I thought they were pretty cheesy back then.

Once in a great while people would order the silly things though. Usually for a stag-ette party or some woman's 30th birthday or something...generally as a joke.

I believe that after I ran out of these sexy men, I ripped the picture out of the book and never ordered any more. Jeannie; January 8, 2009 10:55 AM
Catharine said...: That is too funny.. wow, this is a fav of mine.; January 8, 2009 11:05 AM
Linz said...: What disturbs me the most are the Disney Princess napkins in the background of the first picture. Who'd they get this cake for?!; January 8, 2009 11:07 AM
greedyskunk said...: The leg lifts! It took all I had to hold the laughter in. Thanks for making the start of my work day just a little more absurd.

I also wanted to say that I've loved all the cakes you've posted, but I've never felt inspired to "wreck"-reate one before today. My friend has no idea what she's getting for Valentine's Day.; January 8, 2009 10:57 AM
That Girl said...: I've never commented on here before but that was hilarious!; January 8, 2009 10:42 AM
Eric said...: Does that one who is flying/cruising through the sky/ocean say "Bett is getting older" or some other variation.. and have the poor spacers struck again ?; January 8, 2009 10:47 AM
Lindsey Wolfe said...: Frequent reader - but never posted. This post had me bust out laughing so hard my boss stuck his head out of his office to see what was going on! HAHA! Awesome!; January 8, 2009 10:50 AM
A Woman Of No Importance said...: I can scarcely believe my eyes, and I'd bet the polar bear feels the same - Brrrrrrrr!

That's a cake maker (just the one I'd guess, and hope!) who is working out some kind of serious obsession, non?; January 8, 2009 10:41 AM
Anonymous said...: The best thing about Erica's super-spikey cake (the first one) is that it comes with Disney princess napkins! How old is Erica that both are appropriate??; January 8, 2009 10:45 AM
Mi3ke said...: Excellent commentary! Just needed some chick-a- wow-wow guitar in the background...; January 8, 2009 10:42 AM
Budgyrl said...: Why does the polar bear in the third picture have such a giant tail? I did not know that polar bears had giant tails. You learn something new everyday I tell ya!; January 8, 2009 10:39 AM
Tabitha (From Single to Married) said...: Oh my. There was more than one? Wow.; January 8, 2009 10:44 AM
marybindc said...: Bettis Getting Old?; January 8, 2009 10:41 AM
kim said...: I'm kinda thinking MAYBE bachlorette party (except for the one that says "Bettis getting old" which I'm guessing is supposed to be Betti's getting old. Either way, not nice.
But please tell me these all came from the same place and they just had some extra plastic men lying around and couldn't figure out what to do with them. Although I'm not sure that sounds much better.; January 8, 2009 10:52 AM
Anonymous said...: *** shakes head **** Never mind, just .... never mind. These are wrecky in too many ways!

WV: laste - what these wrecks are; bad laste.; January 8, 2009 10:45 AM
Danielle D. said...: So who gets to lick the icing off of his butt?; January 8, 2009 10:47 AM
Justfrosting said...: My husband did not mention he was doing any cake modeling...Looking good darlin'; January 8, 2009 10:48 AM
Thistledew Farm said...: Are you sure that's a polar bear rug and not the Abominable Snowman about to eat him?; January 8, 2009 11:42 AM
Misha said...: Bwaahahaahahahahaahahaa!
I had no idea that first one was supposed to be a bear skin rug when I first looked at it. I thought it was a screwy cloud, as if to portray some sort of "dream consort."
Those are all so awesomely creepy, though! I dig it (in the same way I dig really bad European '90s music).; January 8, 2009 10:38 AM
Norse, Jesica, and Boden said...: This just made my entire rainy day!; January 8, 2009 10:33 AM
emily said...: ahahahahahahahaha!

that is all.; January 8, 2009 11:43 AM
I Love Baby Quilts! said...: I don't understand why the traditional bear skin rug has turned into a polar bear. Would it look too much like he was laying in a pool of poo if they made it a traditional brown bear skin?; January 8, 2009 11:46 AM
Trevor said...: You know, I had no idea that this theme would be so prevalant, and I was actually asked last night if I make adult-themed cakes. not that these are that adult.

But on that third cake (I think.. second?) the border and string work down the sides are actually nice! What the hell happened to the top!?!; January 8, 2009 10:33 AM
Vinca Leaf Quilts said...: Wow. Uh...these wrecks make me feel a lil funneh...; January 8, 2009 11:42 AM
agentfondue said...: I had one of these buttercream wonders for my bachelorette party 5 years ago (Lucky me! I know, I know). It comforts me to know that some slightly inappropriate sugary hot messes never change.; January 8, 2009 11:44 AM
catmania said...: OMG, what a way to start out the morning! As always, love the commentary by Jen. I do have a question though, what the heck does "Bettis Getting Old" mean on the 3rd one??; January 8, 2009 11:43 AM
Cara said...: I like the Disney Princess napkins in the background of the first cake. Really makes you wonder what age group this "party" was for....; January 8, 2009 10:36 AM
Jennifer said...: Ummmm. . . the "rugs"? I would have guessed otter, rhino and race car - skin rugs but bear? I don't see it.; January 8, 2009 9:58 AM
andlaughing said...: i know just the friend i'm going to request THESE CAKES for for her birthday.

she will die of embarrassment and i will die of laughing my ass off.

these are gold. gold i tell you!; January 8, 2009 10:03 AM
nissarella said...: I don't understand the writing on the red-undied one.

"Bettis getting old"?

A misspelled "beats getting old"?

"Bett is getting old"?

It's times like this I'm glad I just make my own darned cakes!; January 8, 2009 10:18 AM
lynettepleasant said...: Is that supposed to be Burt Reynolds from the Cosmo centerfold 1123356489099870 years ago?; January 8, 2009 10:08 AM
My Ice Cream Diary said...: *cough, cough*
Ahem... uh...
*clear throat*
These look... tasty?
Freaky?
Not sure what to say here.

And why doesn't speedo boy #2's face match his body?; January 8, 2009 10:27 AM
lisa said...: Bachelor #2's head doesn't match his body!; January 8, 2009 9:55 AM
Vashti said...: So wrong on EVERY level!; January 8, 2009 10:30 AM
Kate said...: I also vote this as my favorite cakewreck day ever! Commentary/"dialog" was priceless on this one. I love it!; January 8, 2009 10:30 AM
Amber said...: Nothing sets the mood like this cake!!!

I have to say this site has given me a whole new outlook on cakes!! It's wonderful!! I cannot believe the cakes decorators try to pass off!! Do they really think the cakes look good???; January 8, 2009 10:30 AM
gfxchick said...: Wow. I had no idea this cake was available. I am speechless. Is this "design" in one of those books of available designs? Wow.; January 8, 2009 9:53 AM
Bonnie said...: oh dear goodness....frosting bear skin rugs....even in all this wreckiness, something I thought I'd never see....

Love it!; January 8, 2009 9:55 AM
Amy said...: Oh, yeah. These would really put me in the mood..for a diet. Geez. Why have a real man when you can have a plastic one on a spiked rug? Heh, heh, heh...

~Amy B; January 8, 2009 10:22 AM
Bibi said...: Oh my! I particularly like that the one "bear" is stabbed with a plastic Lucky Lady sign.

Not so lucky for the bear I guess, but the plastic man who survived drinking the 2 biggest drinks on the planet is plenty lucky to be so "perky."; January 8, 2009 10:27 AM
Michelle said...: AHHH!!! In light of all the global warming/endangered polar bear stories out there right now, a mostly naked guy floating around on what is (clearly) a dead polar bear prostrate on a blue ocean of cake is both topical and tasteless! Good for you, wrecky bakers! Take a stand!

Ha ha ha... HILARIOUS.; January 8, 2009 10:30 AM
ut_barones said...: I usually read your blogs with my kids. It's a good thing I was too busy to include them. I was laughing 'til I cried! I don't even want to think about any occasions that would warrant one of these cakes. I can't even believe they make the plastic man in the first place. Someone somewhere is totally warped! Thanks for such a great post. -Jen; January 8, 2009 10:14 AM
Cheryl said...: OMG...I got that same exact cake for my 19th birthday!! (Ahem...21 years ago....) The guy is still sitting in my mom's china cabinet!! LOL; January 8, 2009 9:53 AM
Amanda said...: So funny! Long time reader and I always get a laugh, but today it really struck me I guess, so I had to comment. =); January 8, 2009 10:29 AM
Leah said...: This is just to funny! Thanks for the laugh.; January 8, 2009 10:05 AM
Bryna said...: The scary thing is that SO MANY different cake places have this creepy "leisure suit larry" sans-suit guy on cake.

surist - This surist a seducing cake!; January 8, 2009 10:23 AM
The Courteous Chihuahua said...: A couple of those rugs look like the Abominable Snowman from Rudolph. Are these cakes celebrating the adult version of that movie?

"Hermey wants to be a male stripper!"; January 8, 2009 10:15 AM
lcsa99 said...: I just found your blog and I gotta say, this stuff is just so wonderfully horribly wrong, it's awesome.; January 8, 2009 10:32 AM
Anonymous said...: Just to make matters even better, does Bachelor #3's cake have text-spacing issues? "Bettis Getting Older"--Is the person's name "Bettis" and the decorator doesn't know proper grammar, or is her name "Bett" and she "IS getting older"? Just something to ponder while I do leg lifts on a bear-skin rug...; January 8, 2009 10:17 AM
Kristin said...: OMG! I got one of those cakes for my 18th birthday. I had forgotten all about it until your brought that memory flying back! Too funny!; January 8, 2009 10:26 AM
Danielle said...: I know what kind of cake I want for my birthday. Ooooh yeah... Makes me think of cheesey 80's goodness! Oh if only he had some painted on chest hair! oooooooer!; January 8, 2009 10:16 AM
Corrie said...: Why... why, why, why are there multiples of this absurd cake!?; January 8, 2009 9:59 AM
Half Assed Kitchen said...: Aw, if only I'd known about those cakes before my 40th birthday.; January 8, 2009 10:02 AM
GM said...: Jeshii & Linnea -- Monstrosities along these lines are sometimes served at bridal showers and bachelorette parties.

My cousin once got one, entirely frosted, without the speedo. Ugh!!!! Three guesses which portion of the cake everyone refused to eat?

WV: manerman. As in, man-er-man that is one unbelievable cake.; January 8, 2009 10:18 AM
Elizabeth Douglas said...: Aboninable Snowman rugs for the win!
This post is "Pure chocolate."; January 8, 2009 11:47 AM
Alison said...: Nothing says sexy like lying on the skin of an endangered species.; January 8, 2009 11:48 AM
toonces said...: About Wreck #2.

It looks like some skill went into the cake itself (the ribbon work on the sides)...so what would possess them to plop that sleezy plastic guy on top of a pretty cake?

And the cracks - what's up with those? Maybe Mr. Washboard Abs is heavier than he looks.; January 8, 2009 11:48 AM
Anonymous said...: "I GETTA LICK THE GUY, I GETTA LICK THE GUY!!!"; January 8, 2009 11:50 AM
Chula said...: so is this all from one company? is there a number to order from?? hehehe i know just the person to give this awesome cake too hehehehe I LOVE THIS BLOG!!!!!; January 8, 2009 11:48 AM
Andrea* said...: Good GOD! A Burt Reynolds Cake!; January 8, 2009 11:53 AM
FreedomFirst said...: Aaauuuuggghhhh! Yuck!

Sorry, I just find guys in spandex undies really gross.; January 8, 2009 12:02 PM
Molly said...: I've heard of a bear skin rug, but a POLAR bear skin rug? I'm not feeling it.; January 8, 2009 12:22 PM
Melinda said...: That cake could be even better if the 'muscle' man was loading the dishwasher.
I'm just sayin...; January 8, 2009 12:46 PM
Ellen said...: it's the Don Bailey carpet guy!

http://www.donbaileyflooring.com/; January 8, 2009 12:24 PM
Meghan said...: Re: the third cake...if you take out the "i-s" it looks like a perfectly spaced "Bett Getting Old." Methinks they did the old "who are the Chefs" thing and realized after they piped it that they were missing a word, so they squeezed it in and hoped no one would notice.

Judging by the comments on this blog, they were wrong.; January 8, 2009 12:33 PM
Julie said...: Jen,

While your comentary about had me in tears, reading the everybody comments from top to bottom has just put me over the top...

The tears are flowing because I'm laughing my @ss off. Everyone here is in rare form today.; January 8, 2009 12:35 PM
Suzanne Dargie said...: OMG! I thought toilet cakes were the limit! These are crazy! Your commentary is SO fitting! I recently introduced your blog to my teenaged nieces and they love it! I'm sure they'll laugh their heads off at this post!; January 8, 2009 12:34 PM
kellybelly said...: Hehe, just like the infamous "Lucky Lady" window painting on one of the panaderías in my hometown...
http://flickr.com/photos/kellybelly/107869589/; January 8, 2009 12:14 PM
Anonymous said...: Careful ladies, this is how carrot-riding babies with mohawks are made......; January 8, 2009 12:24 PM
*~*Lis*~* said...: Seriously there are more than one of these cakes!!; January 8, 2009 12:48 PM
joan said...: I love the spiky, painful looking rugs! I think the only way these cake could be better (worse?) is if the rug was a CCC.

"...both topical and tasteless..."

"Hermie wants to be a stripper."

"I getta lick the guy!"

How did I live before I found this blog?; January 8, 2009 12:53 PM
Luvvie (aka Queen IG) said...: LMAO @ the convo. It was deliciously tacky. Loved it!; January 8, 2009 12:49 PM
Erin said...: Ummmm ... still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that some one, some where, decided there was a need for those plastic guys, and then followed through and made them. "Hey, where do you work?" "I work in the factory that makes the little plastic, speedo wearing guys for cakes."; January 8, 2009 1:37 PM
jengersnap said...: I love how Ken #2 and #4 have heads much lighter then their bodies. They must have been baked wrong in the tanning booth.

WV: unidat. I fear they're not wearing something unidat!; January 8, 2009 12:58 PM
Dea said...: Your commentary is PRICELESS!!! OMG, these are so awesomely bad!!!

My personal favorite is the last one - because it so OBVIOUSLY is not a special order - it's just done up, put out there in the store, waiting for someone to decide to take him home. That in and of itself is so horrifyingly hilarious.

WV - wootter - is it just me that's thinking naughty thoughts??; January 8, 2009 1:12 PM
Missy said...: WHY, when I read Jen's commentary, is the only thing I can think of is the Ben Affleck/Kristen Wiig "Target Lady" skit from SNL?!

wvotd: alses. You can all bet your alses these cakes are disgusting!; January 8, 2009 1:17 PM
Sugar Mama said...: Oh, Oh, Oh, my side hurts from laughing so hard!!!; January 8, 2009 1:29 PM
Katie said...: Oh wow...I would not be able to eat if someone set this cake in front of me. Sick...; January 8, 2009 1:39 PM
Beth said...: OMG I'm dying laughing! Tears in my eyes. Thanks Jen, I needed this today!; January 8, 2009 1:13 PM
Mad Izatie said...: Oy vey. Scary as hell. ... I'm surprised they didn't use black icing to make the doll's chest hair. o.o; January 8, 2009 1:03 PM
joan said...: BTW, what is UP with the giant champagne glasses?; January 8, 2009 1:07 PM
un-bride said...: what the HELL is up with these?!? Please tell me this isn't a trend.; January 8, 2009 12:59 PM
BigMomma said...: The sad part is that it didn't just stop with one.; January 8, 2009 1:08 PM
jamiebentley said...: Um, I just sent this link to my husband and friends with the note "I want this for my 30th Birthday Party."

Is that wrong?; January 8, 2009 1:08 PM
Michelle said...: Funnies. Post. Ever.

and some day, i want that cake. . . or Tom Seleck, one of the two; January 8, 2009 1:36 PM
Fluffy Cow said...: *uncontrolled giggling*; January 8, 2009 1:04 PM
Anonymous said...: Ah, the "Macho Man" kit sold by Bakery Crafts:
https://www.bakerycrafts.com/Home/Catalog/tabid/134/Default.aspx?WebTab=CAKEKIT&TabCategory=CKADULT&ItemType=

Sadly, the example cake doesn't look much better than the wrecked versions.

WV= belessin.
It's a belessin this cake isn't ordered very often.; January 8, 2009 1:51 PM
Anonymous said...: OMG...are those cakes based on THIS?
http://www.cinematical.com/2005/07/18/vintage-image-of-the-day-the-burt-reynolds-centerfold/

I think that's something that should have been left to die a quiet death in obscurity... o.O

Spot on commentary; I fell off the chair laughing at the post and the comments.... HA!; January 8, 2009 1:49 PM
Linnea said...: "Careful ladies, this is how carrot-riding babies with mohawks are made......"

I think I just peed my pants.

LOL! yes, the funniest post ever!; January 8, 2009 2:01 PM
wolfmom said...: Apparently there was a memo that went out on this "idea", since these are not from the same bakery?

Hysterical...and scary.; January 8, 2009 2:04 PM
Anonymous said...: I just want to say...thank you for making me laugh aloud. Every. Single. Day!! Robin; January 8, 2009 2:00 PM
Seraphim9 said...: My parents bought me a cake JUST LIKE the first one on my 18th birthday - that was 21 years ago. You'd think they'd have come up with something different by now.; January 8, 2009 2:16 PM
Amy Ruthanne said...: My birthday is in November - who's getting me one of these?; January 8, 2009 2:15 PM
Mella said...: Aaaargh , whol buys this "cake"; January 8, 2009 2:37 PM
Cellar Door said...: Friends, March 27th, this is my cake. Until you come up with another one even more ghetto fabulous, which is, well, very doubtful.; January 8, 2009 2:44 PM
Etiquette Bitch said...: ps-until i saw "polar bear rug," i thought guy #1 was lying in a marshmallow mountain.; January 8, 2009 2:46 PM
Etiquette Bitch said...: jen, would that be you're in the mood for BEEFcake?

LMAO.

What does CW1 say-- "Links"?

And CW3 (or 2?) -- Betti's getting old? Or is it supposed to be "Bett is getting old"?

too funny.; January 8, 2009 2:45 PM
Anonymous said...: I know Jerome Bettis is getting old, but do we need a whole cake with a scantily clad man to mark the passing of years?

Besides, he and I were born in the same year! Sheesh, people!; January 8, 2009 2:48 PM
Brooke said...: You are absolutely hilarious! The dialogue in this post almost made me pee in my pants!!; January 8, 2009 2:36 PM
Stephine said...: The way you posted the story line with it made the cake SO much more funny!; January 8, 2009 3:36 PM
Dawn said...: I think this may be a reference to Burt Reynolds Playgirl centerfold. It is the same pose on a bearskin rug. Just google it.; January 8, 2009 2:53 PM
The Pink Queen Albatross said...: Wow.... I how the last one appears like its something just sold in a grocery store.; January 8, 2009 3:34 PM
kimbalaya said...: I think the thing I find most disturbing is that there isn't just one of them. No, there's 2. No, there's 3. OMG They just keep on multiplying!!!

Word verification: boott... why yes, there is an awful lot of boot-t (booty) on this entry!; January 8, 2009 3:31 PM
LKB said...: These should be accompanied by a nice recording by Barry White singing "Let's Get it On."
-Lavetta; January 8, 2009 3:50 PM
Kristin said...: Its a booty call cake style...bwahahahahaha.; January 8, 2009 2:59 PM
Rebecca Rodgers said...: Amusing and horrifying at the same time!; January 8, 2009 3:33 PM
DangGina said...: No! I refuse to believe that there was actually more than one of these made! Ick!

And that first cake looks like he's lying on the Stay Puft marshmallow man.; January 8, 2009 2:59 PM
Kim said...: I keep hearing...

Fly to me my ladybug...
that's you (wink)...
in the misty morning.

The Jack-in-the-Box Commercial that won't go away.; January 8, 2009 3:17 PM
Mandi said...: BUAHAHAHA!I had to forward this to my sisters and one said she's been at a bachelorette party with this cake! HAHAHA!!!; January 8, 2009 4:04 PM
Julie said...: I managed to stay composed until I got to the "leg lifts".....

...howling...; January 8, 2009 3:22 PM
LadyRhian said...: Is it just me, or is that last polar bearskin rug... indecent? What *is* the vaguely arrow-shaped thing? It the rug wrong-side up?

Spam word: Aphytere. Those guys are wearing one awfully ugly aphytere; January 8, 2009 3:24 PM
rfs said...: My nearly 4-year-old said, "Wow, that's a man cake. And he's in the snow, & I think he's a candle." For some reason "man cake" cracked me up almost as much as Jen's commentary.; January 8, 2009 3:17 PM
Robyn said...: This post was the funniest I've seen in a while!!!; January 8, 2009 3:05 PM
Gretchen said...: Where do these designs even come from? One cake like this would be an anomaly, three + makes me think there's something weird lurking out there in the collective unconscious...; January 8, 2009 4:18 PM
Denise said...: I haven't laughed that hard in ages.

Thanks...yeah, baby!; January 8, 2009 4:36 PM
Julia B. said...: This cake is an imitation of Burt Reynold's famous naked photo shoot for Cosmopolitan! Check it out on google images.; January 8, 2009 4:28 PM
Laura said...: we sell those plastic hotties where I work. Once I started reading Cake Wrecks I looked at them in a whole new light. And now, here they are, on Cake Wrecks. Why am I not surprised?; January 8, 2009 4:37 PM
Leslie said...: I forgot to say that I could almost hear the Barry White music playing in the background.; January 8, 2009 4:29 PM
Jess T said...: Holy crap! Think I had an accident. Ha ha ha!; January 8, 2009 4:36 PM
Jess said...: I saw this exact cake design in a catalog at a bakery in Baltimore. The guy on the rug was on one page and the one on the next, facing page was for first communion.; January 8, 2009 4:46 PM
Melenie said...: Hilarious!

I am ashamed to say that I ordered the female version of this cake for my husband a few years ago. I am a Wreck Enabler. I wish I had a picture.; January 8, 2009 5:18 PM
Melissa said...: All I can think of is the SNL bit with Christopher Walken offering cham-pa-gne...; January 8, 2009 5:08 PM
Marie said...: Some women go out on Friday nights. Some prefer to stay home with cake.; January 8, 2009 5:34 PM
Brianna T said...: I love these! I'll have to see if I can find one for my drag queen friend's 40th birthday.

sessessi: thess plasstic mensss isss ssso sessessi; January 8, 2009 5:44 PM
Michi said...: In my attempt to find a picture of what the book cake looks like, I ran into a picture of Mario Lopez, naked, on a bear rug. I'm going to go find a good therapist now

wv: calcomic They have calories, and they are definitely comic.; January 8, 2009 5:18 PM
TheBunny said...: egads, I saw this one over Christmas but couldn't take a picture because the store security guard was posted right by it.; January 8, 2009 7:13 PM
gorgon said...: Beef-cake...yummy!!!; January 8, 2009 7:03 PM
Persnickety Ticker said...: I haven't laughed so hard in weeks!! The fact that there are at least 4 cakes like this out there in existence makes it even more funny! The commentary was priceless!!

Word vert: fulowe. As in, let that champagne from those watercooler sized glasses fulowe!; January 8, 2009 7:29 PM
Gallifrey said...: Classic, they are so great and so are your words Jen, I am going to get one of these for my single sister..... she will hate me for it too LOL

Great as always!!; January 8, 2009 8:26 PM
spyderpenguin said...: Oooh.. god. This just made me laugh til my sides hurt.

I love your commentary, Jen. XD It's the best! I can't decide which one is worse.. it's just all around bad. The pink/purple liquid the first guy is lounging on with his road-kill rug is pretty rank-looking, though..; January 8, 2009 6:51 PM
Jillian Anderson said...: As the cakes get worse, it looks like the scary plastic men are jamming their elbows into the "polar bear"'s throats. The last guy wins. That polar bear is down for the count.

Jillian; January 8, 2009 7:32 PM
debbiearnn said...: hahahaha!; January 8, 2009 7:36 PM
Brie said...: Greatest cakes I have ever laid eyes on. I'll be needing one of these for my birthday which sadly wasn't even a month ago. I can't wait 11 plus months... it'll be sooooo worth it; January 8, 2009 8:16 PM
Camille said...: Oh my freaking heck! This has to be one of my favorite posts of all time.; January 8, 2009 6:57 PM
Mary said...: The first guy looks like he's gettin' it on with the Abominable Snowman! I'm guessing that's the Northern Lights in the background?; January 8, 2009 7:12 PM
sendingtheclowns said...: Well, now, what have we here?
I think I'll have a migraine with a side of nausea, please.
Those plastic "men" leave plenty to be desired; the heads are WAY too big for the bodies, for one ugly thing--and the legs are positioned all pretty, like a woman's. And they use NAIR! The last one appears to have fallen off the balcony of his cheap motel and landed on a giant three-toed sloth.
Who WOULDN'T want one of these?!; January 8, 2009 8:15 PM
~Kathryn~ said...: oh my goodness
as if i wasn't laughing enough when i read the blog post - i came to comment on the bears and read all the comments .... that did it ... i was laughing so hard i was CRYING and my partner came up from downstairs to see what was wrong
after he read it (giggling) he said "i know why you read this everyday"

the bears (?) are the killer for me .... those big black evil eyes .... arhhhhhh

PS in australia we call those speedos 'budgie smugglers' ... !!!; January 8, 2009 8:22 PM
Emily Alexis said...: That is so strange that you put these on today, because I just saw one at the grocery store yesterday! Where are they all coming from?; January 8, 2009 7:14 PM
Vanessa said...: These are so wonderfully wrong that I LOVE them. Definitely the best (i.e., the most laugh-inducing) post I've read in a while!; January 8, 2009 8:41 PM
Kritter Krit said...: I just snorted a tic-tac onto my keyboard.

Oh.my.GOSH.

Seriously, this one needs to be framed and put permanently on your sidebar for easy reference.

My four-year old daugther just walked in the room and pointed to the screen. "Can I have one like that for my birthday, Mama?"

Eeesh.; January 8, 2009 8:52 PM
Kate said...: I thought that in the first picture, the smooth moves dude was lying on the Michelin Man or the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.

It kills me that this sort of cake is popular.

-- Kate, redmcfred.blogspot.com; January 8, 2009 9:15 PM
Sara said...: Mmmm. Buttercream, bulging plastic muscles, and poorly executed sexiness.

That's just a typical Saturday night around here...; January 8, 2009 8:56 PM
gabilady said...: That's a hunk! Ha, you could try to make your own at this easy bake online decorating game. http://www.ampgames.com/game/559/Easy-Bake.html; January 8, 2009 9:12 PM
Anonymous said...: I read this in my mind with a Barry White type voice. I was near tears!; January 8, 2009 9:23 PM
Cattie said...: I think the funniest thing about these is the sheer volume of them. Who knew there were so many men lying about in speedos on bear skin rugs? Lol!; January 8, 2009 10:31 PM
Mirinda said...: I am seriously laughing so hard there are tears rolling. Oh my. I needed that!; January 8, 2009 10:31 PM
hockey_mum said...: Oh god! I want one. Those are too funny! Where oh where did they find them???

Thank you so much I was having the worst week and this totally cheered me up!!; January 8, 2009 9:39 PM
funnycide said...: Holy moly, these may be worse than the Flame body spray website (also involves bearskin rug).; January 8, 2009 6:41 PM
Kellygirlnyc said...: Wowee wow wow! I had no idea there was a market for these. They totally crack me up.

Appropriately the word verification is borpoo, which sort of is what the guys are laying on. Bwahahaha!; January 8, 2009 10:34 PM
Scritzy said...: Holy crap! The first one looks just like George Hamilton in Where the Boys Are!

For what it's worth, I was craft shopping today and, I came across an entire bag of Naked Mohawk Babies for just $1.99.

Of COURSE I bought them. (What're YOU looking at, check-out guy?)

Word verification: hootio. No explanation needed.; January 8, 2009 9:42 PM
Josh and Sabrina said...: oh.my.god! GENUIS!!! Where can i get one of these bad boys *wink wink*

i was laughing so hard my husband said "you lookin' at those cakes again? Keep it down you're going to wake the kids!" note to self: no reading cake wrecks when muh bebees are sweepin; January 8, 2009 10:39 PM
joyce said...: wow---going for 200 comments on this cake--and I am amazed at the attention to detail of the commenters. Princess napkins indeed. Whoa.; January 8, 2009 11:28 PM
Becky B said...: I just want to know how so many people had the same idea for a bear-skinned rug and naked man ON A CAKE. Genius.; January 8, 2009 11:53 PM
che-mie said...: very nice blog

fr,

azmi
malaysia; January 9, 2009 3:13 AM
Susan said...: Fabulous! Absolutely FABULOUS!; January 9, 2009 12:18 AM
Ted S. (Just a Cineast) said...: The music I thought of was I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred. As for guys using Nair, I had a friend in college who was into bodybuilding, and he shaved a lot of his body. I don't know if he used Nair or anything like that, though.

My mom worked in a place where they probably would have had a good laugh at one of these cakes. (Her female co-workers bought her an "over the hill" bra for her 60th birthday as a gag gift.) And I'm sure there are similar versions with scantily-clad women on top for us guys, so why not these cakes for women?

I think a good rule of thumb is that if there's anything sexual you can think of, somebody else has already commercialized it.; January 8, 2009 10:46 PM
April said...: Jen, I think I just feel *really* bad for you that you have obviously been hit on WAAAYYYYY too much. Scary that you can replicate that so effortlessly :); January 9, 2009 12:39 AM
Erin said...: Sorry, how do I submit a cake? I cannot find it anywhere.

http://michellecakes.co.uk/img/port/large/baby.jpg

is the cake.

Please let me know.

p.s. LOL bear rug.; January 9, 2009 4:27 AM
Mad Hatter said...: those are so cute!!!; January 9, 2009 3:23 AM
r i l e y said...: My favorite part would have to be that apparently the first cake is being served at a child's party - judging from the disney princess napkin in the background!?! Go girls, find yourselves a man like this! This is yummy.; January 9, 2009 3:56 AM
Anonymous said...: "Betti's getting old?"
No matter what it's supposed to say, it's illegible.

But aside from that particular flaw, this would be the best prank cake EVER!

I have a few girlfriends with weddings coming up.... *evil grin*; January 8, 2009 10:46 PM
enna. said...: It took me a good 30 seconds to realize that the bearskin rug is not, in fact, the Michelin Man. Oops.; January 9, 2009 2:14 AM