Thursday, January 8, 2009

Hey, Bebeh

Thursday, January 8, 2009

"Girl, you lookin' fine. Why don't you come over here, and give daddy a lil' sugar?"

"Check it. I've got a spiky polar-bear-skin rug for us to lounge on, and some suh-weet champagne glasses the size of water coolers. I even put on my navy blue tighty-whities, 'cuz I know how much you dig those.

"What's that, kitten? You like the light blue ones better? No problem."

[patting rug] "This cracked concrete floor is hard, baby, but not as hard as...er...my...devotion to you? Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Hey, kids! What are you doing in here? Amscray, will ya?"

"That's better. Now, where were we? Ah, yes, talking about how lucky you are - or at least how lucky you're gonna be. [waggling eyebrows] Aww yeaaah. This sea I'm lying in is the ocean of my love, and it's all for you, girl, it's all for you. [wink wink]

"What's a matter, doll? Still not convinced? How 'bout if I do some leg lifts?"

"My sticker may say 'yellow', pudd'n, but this here treat is pure chocolate, if you know what I'm sayin'."


I don't know about you, Aimee T., Lisa C., J.B., and Becky B., but I am definitely in the mood - for cake.
«Oldest   ‹Older   201 – 303 of 303   Newer›   Newest»
Ted S. (Just a Cineast) said...

The music I thought of was I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred. As for guys using Nair, I had a friend in college who was into bodybuilding, and he shaved a lot of his body. I don't know if he used Nair or anything like that, though.

My mom worked in a place where they probably would have had a good laugh at one of these cakes. (Her female co-workers bought her an "over the hill" bra for her 60th birthday as a gag gift.) And I'm sure there are similar versions with scantily-clad women on top for us guys, so why not these cakes for women?

I think a good rule of thumb is that if there's anything sexual you can think of, somebody else has already commercialized it.

stigant said...

>> put on my navy blue tighty-whities

How can you have navy blue tighty-whities? Wouldn't those be tighty-bluies?

joyce said...

wow---going for 200 comments on this cake--and I am amazed at the attention to detail of the commenters. Princess napkins indeed. Whoa.

Becky B said...

I just want to know how so many people had the same idea for a bear-skinned rug and naked man ON A CAKE. Genius.

Susan said...

Fabulous! Absolutely FABULOUS!

April said...

Jen, I think I just feel *really* bad for you that you have obviously been hit on WAAAYYYYY too much. Scary that you can replicate that so effortlessly :)

Jacque said...

Zexy!

Boumama said...

You know, my parents got me the pool-floatie version of this cake 18 years and 360 days ago...for my i6th birthday. (ick!)

enna. said...

It took me a good 30 seconds to realize that the bearskin rug is not, in fact, the Michelin Man. Oops.

che-mie said...

very nice blog

fr,

azmi
malaysia

Mad Hatter said...

those are so cute!!!

r i l e y said...

My favorite part would have to be that apparently the first cake is being served at a child's party - judging from the disney princess napkin in the background!?! Go girls, find yourselves a man like this! This is yummy.

Erin said...

Sorry, how do I submit a cake? I cannot find it anywhere.

http://michellecakes.co.uk/img/port/large/baby.jpg

is the cake.

Please let me know.

p.s. LOL bear rug.

Laura said...

Your dialog on this one is HILARIOUS! I actually came back and read it a second time. Good work!

Anonymous said...

Wrap him in a flag and call him Stephen!

Nancy B said...

Somewhere in China a factory worker is wondering, WTF?!? What could Americans possibly be using these plastic Mangnum PIs for? And, why do I have to make them with assorted underoo colors?

Someday cake wrecks will take over the world and all will be revealed to those seeking these great mysteries of life.

Clare said...

The last cake looks like the guy is laying on a dead albino beaver.

Beaver.. hehehe.

VF: unsom. As in, this series of cakewrecks is UNSOM!!!

Kerry said...

LOL I can't believe there was actually more than one cake like this out there! I think these are my favorites of any you have on the site.

Erica said...

awesome! hey does anyone else think the second guy looks like Steve Carell from The Office?

Anonymous said...

BEST POST EVER.

Michelle said...

"'budgie smugglers'" HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Excellent post! Even more excellent commentary!

Gas Girl said...

Am I the only one disturbed by the fact that there are DISNEY PRINCESS napkins next to the first cake??? Happy 3rd Birthday Betty Sue...have some Cinderella with a side of speedo-sporting Prince Charming??
Come on!!!!

Judy said...

Yes these cakes have been around for a long time. Since the late 70's in fact. The counterpart was a girl in a very risque' flimsy negligee. She was eventually replaced with the exact same doll but certain body parts were only slightly more discreetly displayed in the ummmm....upper region. What really makes me shake my head though is that the only real decorating needed on these cakes has always been just the bearskin rug. Yes, I really have been in the decorating field that long. I've seen cake decorators continually make the most horrific bears. I've even spent time teaching how to make them, all the time amazed these people were hired in the first place when they can't handle a simple "kit cake". It is without a doubt though the most consistently badly made cake in every bakery I've ever been in. I have yet to figure out why the company does not reconfigure it's decorating to accommodate the amateurs that are entering the changing bakery industry.

Rachel T. said...

This is one of the funniest days ever, Jen. Your commentary coupled with the comments left by your devoted following have left me in tears. I can't wait to show this to my friends!!

Thanks!

Missy said...

Reading Becky B's comment made me think of something. I don't see how many "decorators" can all come up with the same hideous idea. I wonder if this has become some kind of underground contest for bored bakery decorators?! One of them found cakewrecks one day, and saw the naked mohawk carrot-riding baby jockeys and thought "psfft, I can top that!" and came up with the dripping fire hose cake. Next person comes along and sees said fire hose cake, and creates Tom Selleck with maggot-y chest hair. Third person sees that, and says "oh, I can do one better!" and not only has a bad design, but sticks it on a CCC. The ultimate winner is the person with the worst design and the most comments.

I can totally see this being a reality show now. On Fox of course.

*Should said reality show actually happen, I demand royalties. ;)

Amaia said...

If I were Bett, I think I'd have to agree. If tiny misshapen men reclining on buttercream are icons of youth, then I'll go with old.

On the other hand, I'd take the cake.

I love this blog, but it ironically makes me crave cake.

Reagan said...

This is the most hilarious post yet! I have been following your blog for a bit and I just can't beleive these cakes! Seriously is there is a rule that says sexy guys lay on polar bear rugs? I can't believe how many different but same style there are of this cake.

Cindy said...

OK I can see one person having the crazy idea.... or two... but Why, oh Why are there so many of them??!!

Alison said...

I gave one of these cakes to my mother years ago when she turned 40! This post is hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Did anyone else notice you sound like Barry and Levon from The State? Please tell me that's what you were going for.

JennyF said...

The running dialog is the best! This was a gem, thanks for working on this one.

alicia said...

D:

willendorf5761 said...

OK, "Bakery Crafts" is now my favorite store in the world. I can't believe I can actually re-create one of these at home!

Veronica said...

That is absolutely hilarious!

Anonymous said...

The first one looks like he's lying on the Michelin man!

-Nicole

Susan said...

Bakeries all over the world have you to thank for the sudden resurgence in "mostly naked man on a thing that could be a bear skin rug" cake orders!

WV: tortives. Tiny little turtle shaped candles.

Anonymous said...

So when do we guys get the female equivalent of this cake? ;-) On second thought, after considering the way that bakeries do this stuff, it'd make me stay celibate for the rest of my life after viewing it...

Anonymous said...

This is why I love this blog!!! Hey Beybeh INDEED!

jamiebentley said...

I FOUND THE KIT!

You can totally a kit to make this cake. HA! I'm making it for a friends birthday next month.

http://www.pastrywiz.com/cakes/cake47.htm

Christa said...

I have requested this cake from all of my friends and family for my birthday after seeing this. I am speechless...it is maybe the most wonderful cake wreck I have EVER seen! Oh I'm gonna have the best birthday now!

Jenn said...

This seriously needs to be the next Tshirt design.

WV: intiver: when someone can't spell inviter.

Sport's Mom said...

So completely turned on right now! To a SUGAR HIGH!

kathy said...

Jen, you're too much. I can't stop laughing.

Laurie said...

I found were you can order these plastic gigolos! It's at

http://www.bakingshop.com/cakes/adult/sexydolls1.htm

His name is Macho Man. Uggh.

They also have a "sexy sue",

Christie said...

ROFLMAO... this is one of the funniest wrecks ever!! And for 12 of you lucky decorators, you too can make a cake like this (or one of you can make 12!), for a bargain ebay price: http://cgi.ebay.com/Lot-of-12-MEN-Cake-Toppers-Party-Favors-9-Decorations_W0QQitemZ140293570631QQcmdZViewItemQQptZWedding_Party_Supplies?hash=item140293570631&_trksid=p3286.c0.m14&_trkparms=72%3A1205%7C66%3A2%7C65%3A12%7C39%3A1%7C240%3A1318%7C301%3A0%7C293%3A1%7C294%3A50

I'm warning you, this ebay listing picture is WAY more funny/disturbing than the original cakes!! ;) No little eyes, please... shield your children!

Thanks for the laughs, this one still has me giggling.

Erlinda said...

With apologies to Right Said Fred...

I'm too sexy for my cake too sexy for my cake
So sexy it aches
And I'm too sexy for my rug too sexy for my rug
let's have a big chug...

I (heart) Cake Wrecks!!

Zo-Be Designs said...

There will be candles.

Bett is getting old?? Who says that on a cake!?!

Anonymous said...

Jen, You are one damn funny woman.

Culinary said...

I love your website!

Could I use one of these man cake images for my blog?
culinaryabortions.wordpress.com

CDM

Melanie said...

My apologies if someone has already mentioned this, but what's the deal with the Disney Princess napkins in the first picture? What kind of a little girl's birthday party cake IS this? ;)

Browns said...

OMG! I laughed my ass off at this. Absolutely hilarious.

Michelle R. Slape said...

This has to be one of my favorite posts!!! :) I can't stop laughing at the oddness of it all.

So...where can I get me one of them puppies? :) LOL

Sport's Mom said...

Danielle D. you almost made me puke. At 7:30 in the morning. On a Sunday. Thanks. :(

Word Verification: conau Con au of these people simply not manage to make a good cake. You know, like ones WITHOUT Mr. Big Sexy on top?

Linda said...

OMG Bakery Crafts needs to update their merchandise. My store isnt allowed to sell this guy or his leading lady!
Great commentary Jen! Fabulouly funny as usual!
My hubby was looking at me as I was LOL and just shaking his head.

Linda

M--- said...

Definitely one of the scariest post I've seen on this blog! Why do I hear the Flight of the Conchords in my head when I read these captions??

So very scary.

Giusi. said...

FLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK! i can see why this one has SO MANY COMMENTS! holy crap! i was peeing my pants!! lmaoaoaoa!
LEG LIFTS!! i DIED!! lmaoa!

Giusi. said...

OK.. so i just googled to see what the hell is up with those cakes and i saw more pix.

http://www.fortheloveofsugar.com/sitebuilder/images/SexyManCake-448x334.jpg


and here you can BUY THE CAKE KIT with INSTRUCTIONS included!
bahahaha
http://www.bakingshop.com/bc/cakes/icx-ck-47.htm

OMG.

Dodi said...

OK, as Jen Lancaster would say: I've just laughed myself in to a pants wetting asthma attack.

God, you are funny.

Tamera said...

How to Catch a Predator...

Jen you are the bee's knees.

Aimee' said...

I thought the cake was hilarious when I sent you the 1st picture but man...you made it THAT much better...you're hilarious!

Chrissy said...

I NEED to know where you get this cake from. I LOVE IT!!! I have a friend's birthday coming up and she needs to have this. lol

Marytoo said...

This cannot be Burt Reynolds. Not enough HAIR!!!!

Fervent Butterfly Photography said...

That has got to be one of the funniest things I have ever read. You have no idea how much I appreciate your humor and your blog.

Marytoo said...

Erin, oh, my gosh, that is one UGLY baby!!!! It is a baby, isn't it???


wv: trefeat... C'mon, bebeh, have I got a trefeat for you...

Adhis said...

OK, that commentary had me a-gigglin'...

Perfect.

Catherine said...

Who's bringing the courvoisier? Anybody?

zobabe said...

Is Chocolate Love lying on a Stormtrooper??

Word verification ulabint. Dunno WHAT she bent, but she must have been pretty strong...

Anonymous said...

Anyone notice the Disney princess napkins in the first one? I really hope this cake was for a little girls birthday party!

Anonymous said...

A couple of commenters have said they want to make a "hey bebeh" cake of their own, well now you can!

I found this, and thought I'd share...ready, set, wreckerate!

http://www.bakingshop.com/bc/cakes/icx-ck-47aa.htm

evil and demented little cooker girl said...

laughed all day because of this post!
:) hahahahahaha

Rxy said...

Do they all have to be on top a bear rug???
OMG just hilarious!!!!
tnk god for this website.

Anonymous said...

I laughed so hard I nearly fell out of my chair! The cakes are not only hysterical but the narration - OH MY GOSH - Girl, you are SO FUNNY!!!!!

Kimmygintx said...

OMG LOL! I'm sorry but the first one looks more like he's laying on the Abominable (sp?)Snowman. The last few look like he's saying,"Hey, look what I just killed- booty call, anyone?"

Now pass me some of that cake ;)

Anonymous said...

I am in *tears* from laughter! Your commentary is just tooooo much! LOL

Kileen Smith said...

I am just in shock at how many mostly naked men laying on polar bear skinned rug cakes there are out there in the world.

curtinparloe said...

Is it just me, or is the guy talking like Boba Fett on the Robot Chicken Star Wars special?



Ah. Just me then.

Sophia said...

I did not make the bearskin rug connection until you said it. Up until that point, I thought there was a yeti lying face-up on the cake.

Cakelaw said...

I haven't laughed so hard in ages - OMG!

Anonymous said...

Just a minor detail, but for the dude to be laying on a polar bear skin in the ocean, wouldn't the bear still have to be alive to float?

Jonathan said...

At first, I genuinely thought the Michelin Man was giving that scantily-clad man a hug.

Jennifer said...

Does nobody else think that "Betti's getting OLD" is a slightly less than appropriate sentiment??

Becky said...

I wonder if someone actually paid $24.99 for that last one. Because really, it's priceless.

Anonymous said...

OMG! I saw these horrific plastic dolls in the clerance bin at Kroger and wondered what they were for! This makes that disturbing find make sense and also makes me thank God that they must have retired this cake at my local grocery store. Crisis averted.

Hannah said...

I want one of these for my birthday. ;)

Jenny said...

Jen, I think these may be my favorite cakes yet! Your little story line was hilarious!! WHERE do people find these things...hopefully NOT on their own birthday.

Jenny said...

OMG. I've looked at this page like 5 times and it makes me laugh EVERY time!!! Stinkin' hilarious!

Anonymous said...

here is the kit if you want to attempt it yourself lol they show the blue background with a shaggy bear skin rug
http://www.pastrywiz.com/cakes/cake47.htm

interestingly the African-American version seems to come with a white fella too lol
http://www.pastrywiz.com/cakes/cake47aa.htm

marissa perry said...

you guys! (nsfw) http://www.johnnygoodtimes.com/archives/burt.jpg

Milk Mama said...

My cake looked like this. They drew a goatee on him so he looked like my fiance. xD

Anonymous said...

LOL My husband "surprised" me with this cake a few years ago for my birthday at a party in front of everyone, I still have the glasses and the man...

Bella said...

HAHAHAHA! oh my gosh, my friend and I died laughing the moment we read the words "Check it." such a hilarious visual. I LOVE it!

Amy S. said...

OMG! That made my day!

Michelle said...

OMG I was presented this same cake at my wedding shower!!! I had completely forgotten!

Zee said...

omg....this is possibly my favourite blog....EVER!!!!!!!!



<333333

Amity said...

Apparently there's a regular demand for this cake design?

Anonymous said...

Ya know what's really creepy? There's more than one of it.

Allison G. said...

I am having an extremely difficult time reading your blog at work and not bursting out loud in laughter. Love it!

Anonymous said...

WOW, there were actually MORE THAN ONE of these things?!?!?! :O

Anonymous said...

You know that this copies the iconic centerfold of Burt Reynolds. See http://www.cinematical.com/2005/07/18/vintage-image-of-the-day-the-burt-reynolds-centerfold/

Dianna said...

I'm crying right now looking at these cakes and reading your comments. LOL!!!!

Hardwick Desserts said...

oh my, I had that cake for my 16th birthday!! Thanks mom for the rockin' cake and years of emotional scaring!!!

Anonymous said...

Did no one else see the "Bettis getting old" mistake? Betty's not the only one getting old. Her friend's misspelling and punctuation errors are too.

Anonymous said...

Omg that's the funniest thing I've seen all day! Love the commentary! ROFL!!!

«Oldest ‹Older   201 – 303 of 303   Newer› Newest»