Monday, June 28, 2010

Operation Cake Evasion

Monday, June 28, 2010

Are you tired of always having to get the cake for friends' baby showers? Nooo problem. Just bring in one of these, and they'll never ask again. Guaranteed.

I call this the Bizarre "B" Special: that's Baby Bigfoot on a BBQ, surrounded by beer bottles and a bonsai tree. Feel free to personalize your own creation, though, and have fun with it! How about an Irish infant in an igloo, surrounded by indigo ibexes?



Forget safe, traditional pastels; you want to "go" for as many subtle bowel reminders as possible. Note the use of "chocolate kisses," yellow icing, the big crack, and even the word "bun" in the inscription. Now that's a true master at work.


If the shower is around Halloween, you'll also have this fun option:

Yep. A subtle insinuation that mom-to-be rides a broomstick (or has one shoved where the sun don't shine) oughtta do the trick.


Or, heck, while you're at it: why not take a stab at mom's drinking habits?

The two ingredients for successful parenting.


If at this point you're STILL getting stuck with cake duty, it's time for the gloves to come off. Yep. It's time for...[dramatic pause]...the Crap n' Snap:

Ohh snap!

Now sit back, relax, and revel in the knowledge that no one will ever trust you to order a cake, ever again.

Thanks to Crystal B., Stephanie S., Jenny C., JK, & Angie M., who haven't ordered a cake since 1999.
Taylor said...

The first one has the lips of Angelina Jolie. Maybe it's her baby! (And if it's not, she'll probably buy it soon, anyway.)

Jasry said...

Oh, lord, that last one leaves me absolutely speechless. :-0
It's cakes like these that make me glad my hostess followed my wishes for the Darth Vader shower cake last weekend!

SalannB said...

Ohmigosh, what the heck?!

The first cake is bizarre, with a capital "B"...and the last cake...I *THINK* that's a dirty diaper...just crazy.

Anonymous said...

That last cake? Wow. I mean really, Wow. And the use of peas in the poo. Very...um... well...wow.

Flartus said...

Oh man, your readers are gonna be spewing more than coffee this morning. Can't believe that last one's legal to post without a warning!

Kashmir said...

W
T
F???

Bub said...

Words. Fail. Me.

Amanda said...

That last one is a Stewie Griffin quote, I think. So, to continue with the Family Guy theme, my response shall be from good ol' Cleveland: "Peeeter, that's naaaaasty."

Anonymous said...

That last cake made me yell "noooooo" and woke up the dogs. Wow, you out did yourselves with these.

KatjaMouse said...

Who looked at these cakes and thought they were ok? Who!?

Lady Anne said...

Good Heavens! That's all, just Good Heavens!

Actually, the way that first "baby" is positioned on the grill, I thought it had a rectal thermometer sticking out.

Kelly said...

All I can say is WOW! Distasteful? Tacky? Can't even come up with words to describe these.....

Kay said...

That last one is so wrong. On so many counts. Wow. {shakes head}

Song said...

That last one... *horror* Ugh, I was actually *eating my breakfast* when I saw that, but now I'm not sure if I want to finish it. Well, that friend has certainly earned their right to never be trusted to buy a cake ever again, or attend a shower, or any other function...

You and John do this for a living? Poor, poor you.

Half Assed Kitchen said...

Shouldn't that be corn instead of peas?

grumpyghostowl said...

It must have taken a very... "special" brand of creativity to make that last cake.

And I don't mean that in a nice way.

Susan said...

THat last one is sooooo nasty, I don't see how ANYONE could possibly eat that. Gross! Cakes are supposed to be edible right?

Gary said...

These cakes all speak for themselves, but I can't let that first one go without a comment. An extremely deformed baby on a barbecue grill, surrounded by Pabst Blue Ribbon empties, with a lovely Bonsai tree for ... what's the tree there for?

Not only do I not want whomever's behind this to bring another cake, I don't want to live on the same continent with that person.
... You might sell me on some of whatever he or she is taking that makes that cake seem OK, though.

debbie said...

I hate to admit this, but the first one reminds me of a terribly morbid joke my son had about The Road. From the baby scene, he called it a babyque.

PD said...

Each of these cakes is baffling to me. Won't somebody think of the children?

Gary said...

This set of wrecks proves Jen's oft-repeated tenet that a cake does not have to be badly executed to be a Cake Wreck. Except for the giant "Bun in the Oven" poo cake, all of these are reasonably well made. Even the "Wipe my butt" cake is impressively vomit-inducing, which was presumably the objective. And, while the intention behind the first (barbecued, mashed-up baby) cake is beyond my ken, I'm willing to assume that it achieves its intention (... just keep it away from me!).

Gary said...

WV: flubaki.
When somebody flubs an attempt at baking, is the result a flubaki?

Jenni @ Project Cookie 365 said...

What the flip is that first thing supposed to be?! And that last one? It's as bad as cat litter cakes, nay- even worse! What poor taste the of both the person ordering AND the baker! Blech!

I can't even make this up... my WV is "emess" ... a perfect description of the cakes!

T said...

there are lots of kinds of wrong in this world... and that last one has done them ALL.

Elizabeth said...

The diaper cake almost caused me to see my breakfast again, yuck. I think to order a cake like that you can't have any knowledge of what "class" is.

Jen said...

Sweet goodness, I can only hope that someone allows me to get a baby shower cake one day!

thesacredandtheprofane said...

For your B baby cake, you forgot to mention blanket and Binky.

IrisFleuron said...

I am going to hurl.

thesacredandtheprofane said...

For your B baby cake, you forgot to mention blanket and Binky.

WV: vagbojy- not even going to go there, but had to share because it seemed appropriate to have a vag for a baby cake entry.

Anonymous said...

Best post ever!!!!!

shaz said...

That first cake is actually kind of cool in a weird sort of way. But that last cake. Definitely. Not. Cool.

The Boob Nazi said...

Oh my gosh. Who would even think the last cake would be a good idea?

Anonymous said...

I'm thinking that at least the beer cakes are supposed to be for a baby shower that includes Daddy somehow too.... still terribly tacky, but perhaps it explains why they are like that.

The last one should pretty much be outlawed. Ugh!

Tiffany said...

Just ..... wow.

Keeley said...

You know, somebody obviously spent a lot of time on that first cake--why didn't they also put some thought into it? Yowza. Ok, they put some thought into the alliteration, maybe?
Indigo ibexes, snort.

Love the Halloween wreck--at first glance the only thing I saw wrong with it was the squished inscription. Then the impact of the rest hit me. Like a broomstick upside the head. So to speak.

Anonymous said...

That last cake is birth control.

Laura said...

I can't believe any baker would actually take an order for that last cake. Shocking.

Anonymous said...

I am now slightly ill after that last one, and I've dealt with at least six babies in my lifetime.

All I can think of is -- this is what you get when you combine beer and it's resulting baby.

Bizarre. Beyone Bizarre.

~~Di

wv - aulty This is aulty due to beer

Juno said...

Thank God I haven't eaten breakfast yet, that last cake has my stomach tied in knots. I don't believe i've ever seen a cake that has made me feel phyically ill.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I've been reading this blog for a long time and I have to ask, what the heck is WV? I assume it doesn't stand for West Virginia.

Akira_kin said...

Ok I agree... what were people thinking who ordered them?? But on the flip side, well done (most) bakers/decoraters for those cakes!! I mean seriously, beer and diapers?? That is amazingly realistic!! The halloween one (Other than the keester broom) is quite beautiful, and that dirty diaper?!?! Well... at least you knew what it was!!! I think it would have been funnier to do a bundled up "full" diaper with flies.... but see I'm the decorater with that sick humor!! I would never ever order one but if I made cakes and that was ordered?? That's what I would go for!!

William said...

Sorry Jen, but that first one isn't for a baby shower. It was obviously for a bonsai clubs special meeting on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome...

kidding, but you crack me up.
Jen=win:gg

Babs said...

First one must be for a baby gril!

Isabella said...

Tiny Tot tipsy on a trampoline near the tree; story at ten.

I actually like the Huggies and beer case one. All you need is the strawberry pop tarts and that's what Walmart tends to stock up on right before a big storm... Honest!

saracen77 said...

I actually really liked the haloween one, although the script could be a bit tidier.

The others, well, beyond words!

RobynR said...

I sincerely hope that last cake was for a "welcome baby" party where the child has been born and mommy has no trace of "morning" sickness remaining because I can promise that if that thing were to show up at *my* shower...the festivities would be brought to an abrupt end with my departure for the nearest bathroom. Yuck.

Maggie said...

Just wow. Who could....???? How did...???? WHAT??

Anonymous said...

WTF? what is wrong with people

de Pizan said...

On the first one, is the baby missing it's right arm because someone already claimed the "wing" or is it just another sign of wreckitude?

A Paperback Writer said...

That last one is just EWWWWW!!!!

jigsawdiva said...

Babs beat me to it! It a gril!

Aldarendil said...

Another possible theory is that it is a hobbit. Anyone check for fur on the feet? Although, that still doesn't explain why it is missing an arm. Or why it's on a barbeque. Or...y'know. Anything except the feet.

Elkman said...

I'd be very surprised if anyone actually cut and served that last cake. I sure as heck wouldn't want to touch that with a knife or a fork. In fact, that looks like it needs to be pitched right into the diaper pail without a second thought.

That first cake actually could use the inscription, "It a gril!"

StefRobrts said...

Ok, that last one set a new low, I could barely look at the thing without heaving on the keyboard. Yikes!

Anonymous said...

Coors and Huggies? It's been a long while since I've last seen it, but could that be a "Raising Arizona" reference?

Kelli said...

I was feeling "down in the dumps" today and I was laughing so hard when I read today's that I had tears in my eyes. Thank you!

Tricia L said...

These cakes make it very clear: The customer is NOT always right. The last cake could easily drive away customers who saw it.

Bakers, please, JUST SAY NO!!!

~Nikki~ said...

OMG to the first one and the second one definitely looks like an ode to POOP.



check out my blog: nikkiscakery.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

That last one must be the ultimate in revolting.

Monique in TX said...

That last one's a huge helping of Huh? with a big side of WTF, all drizzled with crazy-sauce.

Books4mebooks4u said...

OH Wow, seriously. But I think the type of person who would order that last cake is the same kind of person who plays the pooy diaper baby shower game. Where you take melty chocolate bars and smoosh them into clean diapers and pass them around and trying to figure out what type of chocolate bar is in each. it makes me vomit looking at them and yet I've seen old grannies stick their fingers in it!!! *bwoah*

So yah, I'm going with the people who play that game likely have that kinda cake.

Aliza said...

Yes, it's cake, and not what it looks like. BUT THERE ARE LINES YOU DON"T CROSS, people. Even if you're angling for a cake-wrecks appearance!

A mis-shapen, melted baby on a skewer. Multiple cakes for pregnant women featuring alcohol. Why don't they just write on the cakes "call in children's aid now!"?

Bun in the oven cake-- I'm willing to forgive these sort of "poo" sins due to their chocolately goodness :)

That witch is well done, even her hair. Odd, but... not enough to get them off cake duty. Unless it was a cake for fundamentalists who loathe Hallowe'en for it being a pagan holiday!

The booze-and-huggies cake I'd refuse on principle, but the diaper cake I'd refuse on nausea. This is the first cake I've seen here that made me squeamish! you know it's bad when a design makes people want to turn down CAKE!

WV: that last cake makes me want to ispinge.

Heidi B said...

To answer anonymous’' question, "wv" refers to the word verification you need to fill out in order to post your comment (look below the comment box). It’s supposedly random letters, but you can get some pretty funny ones.

for example:

My wv just happens to be "happan". As in "Bad Cake Happans".

Huskymom said...

Congradulashuns! Cake Wrecks made Time's list of Best Blogs of 2010!
http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/completelist/0,29569,1999770,00.html

Aliza said...

Anon at 11:36 a.m.-- WV is "Word Verification". Sometimes those letters are suitable for the topic or otherwise entertaining.

@Babs-- that was funny. "It's a gril" :)

And I'm glad that I'm not the only one who saw the first cake and the Coors cake and thought Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders. I work in public health, and was wondering if my job was affecting my cake-judgment! Come to think of it, I wonder if the person who ordered those cakes was affected too... could explain a lot

Anonymous said...

The bun in the oven cake makes me think there's a baby being inside squished and blood is coming down the sides. :: shudder ::

JJ Sobey said...

Makes me glad I didn't have a baby shower. Seriously - WTF?

Annette L. said...

It a gril,lol! The Coors and Huggies cake must actually be for Diaper Party. All the male friends of the dad have their own party and everyone has to bring a package of diapers. If so, I think that one is a great cake!

lanyards said...

These are so funny, and of course looks taste as well. I am think of making a similar cake for my son's next week birthday. thank you for the ideas

E.A.M. said...

Oh my god ... that last cake completely dissolved any desire I might have to eat the last slice of cake in the fridge.
Just ... no. That cake should never have happened.

DJ said...

"Cake duty"

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha . . .

*Karleena* said...

Oh my goodness!! I was laughing so hard my kids thought I was crying! Wow!! Love it!!

Rhonda said...

I think that cake #4 is a "before and after" theme. Too many beers= diaper changing 9 months later!

Adelle said...

I don't think any of the cakes are tasteful, but there is a reason for the beer/diapers cake. At a baby shower were men and women are invited, it is 'traditional' in some places for the women to bring regular gifts for the mom/baby and for the men to bring cases of beer for the dad.

Kraken said...

Jen well done this is the second post you've done that makes me want to puke... the other one was the "veluza horn" vomit tornado

Margaret Trevino said...

Are u looking for any decorators? Would die to work at a place so creative!!

Margaret Trevino

Fluffy Cow said...

These people are freakin' brilliant. Do you realize that whomever brought these cakes... for the rest of their lives will only be trusted to bring a bag of chips to gatherings??!!??!

I am SO on this...

BADKarma! said...

I'm slightly curious as to the anatomy of the baby depicted in the last cake, as the poop seems to be bracketed on both ends with pee... O_o

Jessica said...

RE: the witch cake...i think someone forgot to order a cake for the baby shower and got stuck with the last one at the bakery!
I could see some of my friends ordering the diaper cake minus the disgusting pile of poo in the center....

Stephanie said...

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww! On so many levels, all of them.... Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!! but especially the last one.

Kelly said...

Hello! I wanted to let you know that your site is listed as one of the best blogs of 2010. I found it on CNN and it linked to the Time.com site. Here's the website..

http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/completelist/0,29569,1999770,00.html

You may have known this already.. but I thought I would pass it along!

I love your site and read it everyday! Thanks for the laughs!

Beccy said...

Comments from my 10 y/o daughter looking over my shoulder:

first cake - "Is that bonsai tree all icing? It's gorgeous! oh, wait, what's with those lips?" and it went downhill from there.

she has a 9 mo old baby brother, so she readily identified the last cake. very disturbing, in a way.

Mags said...

Are you sure that first baby isn't on a PAPER CUTTER?? What the heck?!!!

Anonymous said...

Ummm...I don't have any kids, but on that last one, why is there a yellow stain on BOTH ends of the diaper? Poor kid.

Now I'm freaked out that I looked closely enough to notice that. And that I care if the cake is "accurate!"

Lindy Leigh said...

Oh my...the first baby is either Mr. Bill's baby or the gun toting boyfriend in Wallace and Grommit's The Were Rabbit movie.

halfbakedcake said...

In terms of cakes that have about make me lose my lunch, that last one is right up there with the ashtray cake. Klassy.

KarlyH said...

Is the first one a baby on a grill?

Anonymous said...

I would like to point out the researchs shows putting the diapers and the beer next to each other in the store boosts the sales of both, maybe that explains the huggies and bud cake...maybe?
Sara P

Isolder74 said...

Thanks so much for making me feel ill wreckers!

On the first one at least they didn't add grill marks onto the top implying that the little one had already been grilled on one side.

#2 Thanks, now I can't eat the bag of kisses I just got....

#3 What terrible use of black frosting....

#4 Beer and diapers do not mix. Neither does alcohol and babies!

#5 Just plain SHOULD NOT EXIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LC said...

Wow. I'm a midwife, and I thought I'd seen it all. The Crap n' Snap cake has finally rendered me dumbfounded.

Anonymous said...

I think the Coors/Huggies cake is incredibly funny. Obviously, if you need diapers then you already had the baby. So really FAS diseases don't really apply. I'd love to attend a baby shower thrown by that person. It would be guaranteed to be better than the normal, boring, "classy" showers we are forced to endure. "Cutesy" cakes are so overdone. I'm glad there are people out there willing to be unique and creative. I think it might be a "Raising Arizona" reference as well, but I'm not sure.

The "bun in the oven" cake disturbed me because of the oozing chocolate down the side. Is the cake bleeding? And I am simply "b"affled by the first cake. It must be an inside joke of some sort.

wv: usephy - People offended by the Coors/Huggies cake could usephy removal of the stick up their butt, which would probably result in something resembling the last cake.

Wolvie Girl said...

@ Half Assed Kitchen. Yup, corn would have been way easier to do. Just sprinkle some candy corn around. I'd hate to think that those peas might actually be real peas. Blecch!

Andrew said...

The first one's head reminds me of Telly Savalas in the Dirty Dozen.

Mandy9r said...

That last one made my stomach turn. I definitely wouldn't let whoever showed up with the last one even come to anymore parties, let alone get the cake. That thing is a blacklist offense.

Lindsay Maddox (Silly Mom Thoughts) said...

I just changed two of that exact diaper from my twins this morning. The recent memory of the smell of said diapers makes looking at the picture even worse.

Thanks for my new-found diet plan: Remembering that picture when I'm contemplating eating cake.

Elisabeth said...

Congratulations on being named one of the best blogs of 2010. You really are hilarious and it is a treat to read the blog!

Ashley Bratty said...

Oh no oh no oh no. A dirty diaper cake? WHAT IS THE WORLD COMNG TO?!?!?!

Bree said...

I'm guessing the fourth cake celebrates the late night run to the all night mini market for both diapers and beer.

The last one is gross but you gotta give the baker credit for creating some extremely realistic poo. I still wouldn't have a slice of it.

Rosemary Wessel said...

Reminder to self ... do not read this blog while eating dinner.

That last one made me gack a little. Not saying it should be censored, though. Just ... wow.

Bridget said...

Yeah, that last one is scary and disgusting. And I'm with Anonymous @5:32--what's with the yellow stain on both ends? Lazy parenting at its worst?

"She just peed...it seems like such a waste of a diaper. I know, I'll just flip it around!"

Leslie said...

I thought the last cake was a battle axe... I was trying to find a connection between butt wiping and Gimli.

Anonymous said...

Sara P has it right on the second to last cake. That cake is a reference to a famous data mining urban legend: http://web.onetel.net.uk/~hibou/Beer%20and%20Nappies.html

I think it's a cake for a party for statisticians or economists.

Erin Kelly said...

Oh. My. Gawd! Wipe my butt?!?!? That cake should be illegal! *shudders*

Anonymous said...

So aside from the broom sticking out of her butt, i really lke the witch on that cake, she's kinda purty...LOL

Katie said...

Cake Wrecks has posted many gross wrecks, but that last one may be the grossest of the lot. It took me a while to get it, I think mostly because my mind refused to believe that anyone would make a cake of that.

Anonymous said...

Word verification - Noodist a naked pasta maker.....LMAO!

Sophia said...

Um how in the world could anyone want to EAT that last cake? All of them are bizarre and slightly grotesque, but the dirty diaper cake? Seriously?? An old co-worker did a baby shaped cake for a shower. The cake was white cake, with strawberry filling. So when they cut into the "baby" it looked like it was bleeding. What are people thinking?!

Arlene said...

Ok now I am scared to ever get pregnant out of sheer fear that one of those cakes could be mine.. yuck to that last one. Very disgusting but it would definitely make sure you never had to buy the cake for the party or heck even bring one again. I can't even look at that last cake ..bleh!

Jen said...

Oh my gawd, that last one is terrible. >.< But the first one seems kinda funny in the randomness.

The Dream Police Person said...

Oh gosh, there goes my breakfast!

Anonymous said...

You do such a great job! I deliberately come to laugh and you never fail.

When I saw these I broke out laughing so hard, I couldn't share for several minutes. All I could get out was "Cake Wrecks" and my husband said, "Ohhhhh." When I showed him, he cracked up!

That last cake - very realistic. I'd really worry about having a friend like that.

Anonymous said...

ok. I am 12 weeks pregnant. If my babyshower cake looks like any of those, I will kill someone.

jo said...

first cake first thought: Gulliver's baby daughter? what is she laying on, giant ugly thing?

that last cake is just tasteless. hope they didn't use any high quality chocolate--I don't think anyone could bring themselves to taste what's actually intended to be poop! no suggestive brown blobs, this is SUPPOSED TO BE POOP.

that's disgusting.

diapers and Coors. Mom is stocked up. How classy. Is that her baby on top laying on a grill surrounded by empty beer bottles? nice.

The witch could either be an insult to the mom, or a suggestion that the baby will be a handful. OR, considering the rest of the Halloween imagery, it's a Halloween baby. Hope Mom's name isn't Rosemary...They'd better have an exorcist on hand....

myimaginaryblog said...

I thought I knew what it was to be shocked by a cake. Then I saw that last cake. I may have to stop reading this site--at least while I'm eating my breakfast.

Hahah--my word verification is "worse."

jo said...

I wonder if that last one has chocolate mousse filling...

wv: ordrig. what the obviously drunk person requesting these cakes did. slurring: "Hi, I'm ordrig a cake for a baby shower? could you, like, make it a dirty diaper, full of chocolate poo and pees/peas?' *snort* *snicker*

Anonymous said...

Wow. I didn't think you could find a lower point, but that last cake is the Worst. Cake. Ever.

pdxnico said...

Baby Bigfoot, basking on a Bar-B-Que bassinet, sits betwixt a bitty bonsai and blue-ribbon beer bottles. Blah :P

Anonymous said...

@Anon/Sara: "putting the diapers and the beer next to each other in the store boosts the sales of both, maybe that explains the huggies and bud cake"

that's kind of genius. the men want to go out for beer anyway, and they can conveniently pick up the diapers for the women who are home barbecuing, er, wrangling, er, changing the baby. You know how men shop--they have to put it right in front of them.

maybe they should put the tampax next to the beer, too. think the guys would be more willing to pick up those provisions if they were next to the beer? or maybe the nachos and pork rinds?

TJ said...

Oooh, I want *that* piece!

ThatDeborahGirl said...

I think the Coors Light & Huggies cake is a reference to the Nicholas Cage movie "Raising Arizona".

"I'll be taking these Huggies and whatever cash ya got."

At least I hope it is.

Mary said...

I think that first cake is just weird. What did the person order to get 'that' cake?

Oh and that last cake...ewwwww...lol

I just have to speak more about that first cake...wtf? Seriously, what would a person have to ask for to get this cake? I want a hugely deformed baby, with massive feet and an ugly face laying on top of a grill. Oh and throw in some beer bottles and a bonsai tree to make it really weird. *shaking head*

Anonymous said...

Good grief, that first one looks like a hardened old salt that should be out on the dock.

Anonymous said...

A friend of mine made the first one. All inside jokes if I remember correctly. One of his early cakes.

Adrienne said...

My 4 year old came up to me on the first photo and said, "Mom what are you doing?... wow. That looks like a monkey or something? Or maybe a giant... no a monkey."

punchy said...

That first one is a great joke! You missed the balaclava and the blanket - how many Bs does that bring it up to?

Cupcakes Lady said...

The bun in the oven....not looking that great ..is it ?! ;) xx