Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Nothing To See Here

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Parental Note: This post contains extreme childishness not at all appropriate for children.



Move along.


He blinded me with...science.



Who's up for a snowball fight?

(I can't tell if the middle guy is volunteering or flipping me off.)



A pink bowling pin + a pair of bowling balls = everyone's mind in the gutter.




The Force is strong with this one.




Who needs third base?




Gee, these bones look a little dry. Do you suppose the grill chef is a master baster?



Carrie, Meg N., Tracy, Melanie V., Carrie G., & Amy L., I hear it relieves tension.

Grilling. I'm talking about grilling.


Mr. Connery said...

"The penish mightier!"

MelissaM said...

A most "probing" pictorial. You guys really "stick it" to those bakers.

bassgirl said...

Amazing how many members were in this cake club!

Anonymous said...

The bat (?) on the Red Sox cake made me choke on my coffee this morning. Good God, what was the decorator thinking????

Momcat said...

Honey, can you say....FIXATION? How does this happen so frequently? Pro bakers must not get home much.

WV: HYSTSWAR. "Those two middle age ladies got into a regular HYSTSWAR."

Laura Dotson-Thomson said...

These cakes would be a perfect hybrid of the games 'Pictionary' and 'Dirty Minds'. And I would completely fail.

AmyH said...

Today's Miss Manners is perfect for this post!

Dear Miss Manners:

My husband is putting on a birthday party for me. I will be turning 57.

His sister has taken up the art of hand-sculpting huge birthday cakes. She has been mastering the art of making huge, three-foot-tall penises. She recently presented one to her mother-in-law for her birthday.

Needless to say, it didn't go over very well. She is very proud of herself and takes this cake-making business seriously.

I have just found out that my husband has ordered a cake from her for my birthday.

I think she is grotesque, rude and out of line with these cakes. I am mortified that she might make the same cake for me.

How should I react? With disgust and asking her to leave? Or thanking her and putting a large garbage bag over it and offering it to her to take home?

I have told my husband I would be totally offended if I was presented with a cake like that as a surprise. He says not to worry about it, that he's sure she won't do it. But I know she will. Please tell me what to say.


Say "Thank you," whisk it into the kitchen, slice it in small pieces and serve it on a platter. Just please don't describe the slicing to Miss Manners.

Erin - Thrift Madness said...

Master Baster! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

bluefairy said...

I can't imagine those weren't intentional...or maybe Freud could explain it.

But the snowballs seemed ok to me. I didn't notice anything wrong about them until I read your comment and even then I had to look very closely to see a remote resemblance to a finger.

Anonymous said...

And the baseball hat was so good!

Libertygal said...

Master baster! (I laughed so hard I scared the dog.)

Awesomeness.

TerraD said...

Great post! I am so with you on feeling like God has bigger things to worry about than my problems. I feel selfish asking him to bless me with a friend that I can really connect with because I feel so lonely sometimes. I think to myself that if I could pour myself into a deeper relationship with him that I wouldn't feel so lonely and that maybe that is why he hasn't sent me such a friend. It's hard to do this walk alone, though, and my husband is not a believer. Please pray with me that he would open his heart to our great Lord.

Babsiegirl said...

Wow. Why pink for the bat? And since the hat and baseball were so great, why not quit while you're ahead?

Carissa said...

what a bunch of cake cock-ups :P

Erin said...

yikes

Jen said...

I don't even understand what the last one is supposed to be!

Jenniffer said...

The snowball guys are too funny, but you totally missed the poo-bears just next to them... what gives?!? As always, you start my day with a laugh!!

Rebecca F. said...

I loved these. They gave me a good chuckle.

Anyone who complains today about vulgarity should be directed to Disney's website for more family friendly fun.

PS. I ADORE the new CakeWrecks sign at the top. Very cool.

The Boob Nazi said...

That "baseball bat" is unbelievably terrible! I might've screamed when I saw it.

LibrarianJessica said...

I may be scarred for life from the he vibrator/light saber one. *horrified expression*

arensb said...

I guess that answers the question of whether Brian is a pitcher or a catcher.

Squint said...

The one in the fifth photo is just so PINK. Ugh. Bakers shouldn't use colors that could be someone's skin tone!

Anonymous said...

*cough*

A pink baseball bat? Do the Sox know about this?

But now that I've read the caption, I'm snickering at the snowmen because it looks like they're ALL giving the one-digit salute.

Miranda said...

Well, this doesn't make me want to put those in my mouth at all.
*Ba-Dum-Tish!*

Stella said...

WOW and not one of 'em for a wedding shower....

jo said...

what are those first things? Cat in the Hat hats by Dr. Seuss? *feigns innocence*

aw, happy little three-fingered snowmen...

lumpy pink oversized "bowling pin" (gee, how into bowling IS she?) doesn't the baker know that pins are WHITE? balls are pink! and that "pin" looks a little bruised where the icing is thin over the chocolate cupcakes. coverage, people!

(btw, I wonder if her name is misspelled (Caitlyn?) Hard to say these days with "creative" names.)

love the paintbrush/rocketship woody. some paint pots might have been helpful here.

the hat actually looks pretty good, seams, button, vent holes, B. Then the bat is just so short and FLESH-COLORED.

love the "toasting" of those boney marshmallow chicken legs on the wonky CCC basketball. yowza.

wv: verin. if these ugly cakes don't get eaten and get put out, they may attract verin.

Miranda said...

Amy, if someone gave me that rude, crude and socially unacceptable cake, I would rush out of the kitchen with a cleaver and maniacally hack it to bits, shrieking "muwahahahahahaha!!!" Then look around the room at all the men, nod my head, and say "yeah."

Don't think she'd try it on me again.

Gary said...

Today's cakes would make a good quiz: We know what they LOOK like, but what were they intended to represent?

The last one gives it away with a label that says "BBQ Grill." But if that's a grill, why is somebody cooking ... uh ... ??

Moving right along, why are all those well-endowed snowmen giving me the finger?

Anonymous said...

Oh...... my.......
Great puns, as always, Jen!!

Anonymous said...

#4: Use the Schwartz!

WV: eingra--as in "don't make Dark Helmet eingra or he'll come after you..."

Trevor said...

You know, that Boston cap is really nice! Whoever did that and the ball did an amazing job.

Which leads me to wonder... what the hell happened with that bat?! I mean, the colors on the other objects are perfect, so instead we get a flesh colored bat? I seriously had to do at least a double take, if not more, when I saw that cake. All of these are awesome, but that one really knocked it out of the park.

Caroline B said...

Poor Brian, as if he needed any further reminders of his botched vasectomy.....

thansen said...

1. Those cakes, really just no words...

2. I really need to stop looking at your blog when I'm hungry, I am jonesing for some cake... Not so good when I'm trying to eat healthier...

HH said...

And, the bowling balls are BLUE!

Amanda Stephan said...

Oh my that was funny! Thanks for sharing! hehehe....
Amanda

Renee said...

the snowman pix wouldn't load on this post...but I was able to click on it and see the pix (to know it was snowmen!)

Sarah said...

I'm with Jenniffer - the brown poo-guys were awesome and those fried egg hats were to die for...what, exactly, WERE they?!

Karen in Boston said...

I, too, adored the Boston Red Sox hat (as I adore the Boston Red Sox), but that "bat" is just a tragedy. Maybe it was a team effort, and separate bakers made the hat & bat? I can only hope...

Melissa said...

Oh wow. Now I almost wish the site *wasn't* working correctly.

... nah, it's still funny. Although I might have lost my appetite.

Anonymous said...

Dirty minded girl-lolol

Cyndi said...

Love the "cockets",and the bat,well...uh,you know.
Great LOL's today!Thank You!!

KJ said...

Hilarious!!!

inspiredpointsofview said...

HAHAHAHAH!!! "The penish mightier" HAHAHAH!!! Thanks Mr. Connery!

She Draws said...

The cake wrecker managed to make a really good cap and a penis. How?

Mags said...

Is that an official icing color: "Penis Pink?"

Anonymous said...

Definitely baked and decorated by master bakers.....

Hypermama said...

the eternal question has now been answered....

Snowmen DO have balls.

Classic Steve said...

The first one probably means to show test tubes (upside down) rather than "crotch rockets." I suspect that the light saber is supposed to be a Harry Potter-style broomstick, which would be fine if not for that dent near the end.

Are you sure those aren't snow-women from the chest up?

ComfyDenim said...

*wipes tears from eyes*
Classic.

Just classic.

Who needs third base...master basters..... *GUFFAW*

Anonymous said...

@ Gary "The last one gives it away with a label that says "BBQ Grill." But if that's a grill, why is somebody cooking ... uh ... ??"

Maybe this is the Bobbit household...full of angry women.

"Bibbity, BOBBITY food!"

yuck. I just grossed myself out. Never to look at a wiener on the grill the same way again.

wv: ovencen. In the religion against baking immoral cakes, these violations are an examplve of ovencen.

Siouxzr said...

A baseball cap, a ball and a fake ding-a-ling -- that is an unusual combination. I think I received almost that exact model as a gag gift at my wedding shower, but I never thought of hitting baseballs with it.

wv: snicate definition to snicker and eat at the same time. That pale pink cake made me snicate

Keeley said...

Yay, thanks Jen, I needed a laugh today, and I made sure to put down the soda first before reading your post!

My WV: golest. You could subtitle today's post: Nothing to see, golest ye be offended.

Anonymous said...

Oh, dear.

Oh...oh, dear.

Pass the brain bleach, will you?

WV: Pantsi. Nope, not touching THAT one.

lynellenyl said...

I see someone beat me to it. May the Schwartz be with you!

lisadh said...

Those are hilariously wrong! LOL!
Great narration, Jen!

Skwishee said...

The worst part about the baseball cake for Brian is that the hat and ball are awesome.. *sigh*

And that lightsaber? What the frick? I didn't know that they made.. *ahem* 'personal massager' cake pans. My sister's getting married in October, I'll have to see if I can find one of those for her bachelorette party ;)

disassociation said...

the first one...

"its a rocket ship!"

(where is smoochy the rhino when you need him?)

Larissa said...

OK, the totally crappy ones I understand. But how is it that someone who did such a decent job on a baseball hat & ball mangled the bat so badly? I swear it had to be on purpose.

sendingtheclowns said...

Oh, yeah...he's flipping you off.


That "grill" thing? They're calling it a "15CT BBQ GRILL CUPCAKE PULLAPART." And it's only $12.99, which means that each cupcake is less than $1!!! They're not even charging extra for the dildos! How can you go wrong with a deal like that. Unless there are more than three *hungry* guests, and they end up fighting with (over?) that talented chef.

Now, I think that whoever ordered Josh's cake must have been pretty hard up not to be able to buy a better cake. And what are the gray blocks for? What was their angle here? Also, it's really hard to tell from the picture how many people could be served a piece, with nothing to compare it to. Or measure it against...

=^??^=

Fluffy Cow said...

And how do you equal such a post? With the comments of course!!!

Y'all are hysterical.

Kara Lynn said...

The last one was obviously made for a BBQ hosted by a woman whose husband just cheated on her. He hasn't been seen since and the meat she is serving is a little suspicious.
Does the innapropriate-ness make anyone else want to eat them that much more? No? I am just sick then.

The Black Dog said...

Are those for snowballs, or is it possible they were snow ladies who for some reason have arms that sit where their ears should be?

aliza said...

Today's post should have an extra warning about laughing so hard you can't breathe (esp if the laughter has to be silent b/c you're at work!).

@Anonymous at 12:51-- "Bibbity, Bobbity Boo"? for the grill cake. that was priceless!!!!

Josh's cake... it could be a screwdriver, too. Which would be even more appropriate ;)

Snowmen... is this what Calvin does now that he's all grown up?

Brian's cake... Perhaps they realized the hat and ball wouldn't serve enough people and the newbie excitedly offered to pitch in and make that bat?


WV "anedi". After laughing over today's cakes, Jen's bon mots, and all the comments, anedi a few moments to catch my breath

Anonymous said...

"In the Spring a young baker's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love."

Shelley said...

I can't believe that Jen missed the obvious pun on the first.

Those are legitimate scientific paraphernalia. Haven't you ever heard of Testes Tubes?

donna said...

OMG I haven't laughed so hard in ages!

BADKarma! said...

Oh. My. Lord.

That's it. I got nuthin' else...

O_o

Etiquette Bitch said...

omg, your last comment had me busting a gut.
and on Josh's cake, it took me a minute to see the "light saber." I saw an artist's paintbrush with...two big, blue erasers? two, blue butter dishes? not sure.

Anonymous said...

from joules:
I also read Miss Manners' column today, and thought to myself: If I were that letter writer, anticipating the embarrassing 3-foot-tall phallic cake from my dear sister-in-law, I would do two things. The second thing is I'd make sure I had my camera ready so I could send the pictures to Cake Wrecks. The FIRST thing I would do is call my S-I-L and say, "I know my husband has asked you to bake one of your special cakes for my birthday. I am so touched by your act of kindness. I just hope he remembered to tell you that my favorite cake is chocolate with chocolate frosting." Then, if she really did bake me a chocolate schlong, I would be *in* on the joke instead of being the "butt" (sorry) of the joke. If she baked me a boring sheetcake, I would be happy because it would be my favorite flavor.

WV: branis My branis melting with horror at the wrecks on your site. Thanks for the daily LOLs, Jen!

Anonymous said...

Wait... those bony things on the "grill" are chicken legs??? I thought they were... um... nope...I got nuthin'.

krazykris said...

It's time for a Jen-cation!

Todd & Michelle's family said...

Holla, that "bat" doesn't look like a bat. But it does remind me to get vaccinated. Or at least wash my hands. ew.

CookingSchoolConfidential.com said...

And I thought some of the cakes that came out of the pastry program were, well, interesting ...

Cheers!

Gary said...

sendingtheclowns said...
"... it's only $12.99, which means that each cupcake is less than $1!"

I prefer to think of it as $4.33 per toasted dildo.

Baby Blu said...

I just realized that the cake wrecks logo at the top got changed...nice. Very nice.

Tiffany said...

Awesome post!

Gossamer said...

Hey Jen, I just wanted to mention, regarding to your post asking us to report wonkyness; all posts read in the Yahoo! RSS reader show the captions that belong below the images to the right of the images.

Jennifer R. said...

So hilarious. Each cake was better than the next!

Barb said...

Is that a lightsaber in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

I think Josh's lightsaber cake is probably supposed to look like a Jedi's "secret weapon" as a joke. I can't imagine anyone making something that was that obvious by accident.

WV: laundr. I need to laundr my brain after seeing these wrecks.

sendingtheclowns said...

Gary said...
"I prefer to think of it as $4.33 per toasted dildo."

That, too is a bargain, now that you munch on it--I mean, MENTION it.
To each/eats his or her own; after all, "different strokes," etc.

=^~.-^=

Anonymous said...

I saw the BBQ one and thought "weiner roast".

Beautifamous said...

Thank you. I just inhaled a mouthful of mexican food. I now have acid burned sinuses & esophagus. That first picture made me gasp in horror, right after I put a mouthful of refried beans covered in chipotle tabasco into my mouth.

Arlene said...

Well it could just be me (but I highly doubt it) but I am seeing a lot of male anatomy on these cakes lol. The cupcakes that bowling cake.. I could go on and on.. wow to the wreckerators for these cakes. They could make wonderful bridal shower cakes lol.

Emily said...

I feel I really ought to point everyone who found this funny to another blog: http://accidentaldong.blogspot.com/

Which is exactly what you think it is. Perfectly clean...if your mind is.

Amanda said...

wow! I had a mouth full of coffee when I first loaded the page... Very nearly spit it out! There's no way these people don't know what they are doing with this stuff. Bahahaha!
(Also... you wanted us to report issues? I'm not sure if this is intentional or not, but the comment section is now a dark greyish blue on the blue background and is very hard to read without highlighting the text first. Using Firefox 3.0.15 in Windows XP.)

Some Random Person said...

hi ummmmmmmmmmmm.... i think the title screeeeen thingy has changed... is this intentional??

Anonymous said...

I have been having a crappy weekend/week so far, and thought I would get a dose of CW to cheer me up! Now aside from making more work for my self, by now having to clean off my computer screen of coffee (Um really, you truly think that looks like a base ball bat???), I DO FEEL BETTER!!! Thanks for always givng me a laugh! Come to Toronto for your next tour- I will bake you a cake!
Diane
diane7@rogers.com

Evalis said...

As a male, the weiner roast one makes me wince.

But it could have been worse. At least the wreckinator didn't try to show buns toasting on the grill as well. 'Cause we all know that would look like something out of a gay pride post-parade bbq picnic.

Anonymous said...

What a shame, the hat and baseball were done really well and the wreckerator just had to add the "bat" XD

Anonymous said...

Nice Thomas Dolby reference! I expect you to rush to the nearest supermarket and yell 'SCIENCE' into the tannoy at the earliest opportunity :)

WV-aneda, as in 'Aneda bottle of mind bleach after those wrecks'

Steve said...

After seeing that lightsaber, the first thing that came to mind was, "I see your Schwartz is just as big as mine."

~Nikki~ said...

LMFAO..... R they serious with these? I mean you can not look at them and not see what I'm sure we all see in these!




check out my blog: nikkiscakery.blogspot.com

Catherine W said...

So Wednesday was my birthday so i felt this the most appropriate day to post this on. I started following CW a few weeks ago and really love it. But today a friend i hadn't seen in a while who DIDN'T know I follow cake wrecks posted the Baby Jockey Carrot Cake on my wall, telling me that she thought CW was the perfect website for me. I had a total freak out!

Gale said...

Aww...that lightsaber is actually quite well done if only it wasn't for the unfortunate crease...and the coloring. My kids are Star Wars fanatics, and I can tell you lightsabers can be red, green, and blue, but never a purplish gray.

Bree said...

Do cake decorators even know what they're doing when they make penis shapes? Do they ever stop and say, "Woah, I think bat is way too phallic!"

But George Lucas would be an idiot if he didn't start producing lightsaber vibrators and called it "The Force!"

AK said...

THANK YOU for posting festive funny male genitalia cakes on my birthday!

Jagyularr said...

I doubt the decoration on Josh's cake is supposed to be a light saber. It looks more like a sonic screwdriver to me.

eboucher said...

OMG!

Mandi said...

BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Freud would have a field day with those!

barbara said...

1. What was the last one supposed to be?

2. I wonder if they all had cream filling.

Sorry if anyone had the same comments; I didn't have time to read all the comments.

ACOwens said...

Get me a Depends....I am laughing so hard I am peeing in my pants!
Love this site for the best 'pickup' of the day!!!

Kay said...

I love the science cupcakes. I've never felt so strangely drawn towards a graduated cylinder before....

Anonymous said...

Only wreckerators could make test tubes (science cupcakes, also saw atoms on others), a girl's dress (Kaitlyn's cake, I think that was what the big pink thing really was), a light saber and a baseball bat look phallic!

The light saber would have been great if only the wreckerator had done a straight cylindrical handle. Also, if the bat had been piped in tan or yellow (to represent wood, not a woodie), and made the body longer and thinner, and round end a little less pronounced, the baseball cake would have worked. (Was this cake a lingering effect of the Curse of the Bambino? After all, that was a Red Sox cake wreck.)

Lol Wut said...

speaking of LOLs lol

Shannon said...

I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. OMG so funny. Shannon

Anonymous said...

Is it just me, or is the 'lightsaber' supposed to be a bastardized stunstick from Half-Life 2?

http://developer.valvesoftware.com/w/images/3/33/Hammerstunstick.jpg

Anonymous said...

The Red Sox hat and ball were great, if only they had left the "bat" off of it.

TM

Anonymous said...

but those are all unintentional.
i do however know of a chocolate-vendor were they have a whole assortment of dicks and boobies on display (this is on 'the albert cuyp markt' in amsterdam by the way)