Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Wreck Spotting

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Here at Cake Wrecks we tend to cycle through cakes pretty fast. In fact, if Jen's aunt hadn't been visiting and putting a cramp in her style, I wouldn't have had to wait to post today's Wreck for...uh, nearly a month.

So first, I want you to note that today's Wreck is, and I quote, a "Custom Decoration."

See? Told you.

I would also like you to note that Tres Leches is a milk cake. No fruit, no filling, just milk, cake, and icing.

And that's why this Wreck is a Wreck for women of all ages...

...period.


Alyce C., don't pad the truth, now: Does this bakery's Tres Leches give you wings?

- Related Wreckage: This Is What Happy Tastes Like
The Boob Nazi said...

I can only imagine how delightful it'd be eating that.

Maybe they're trying to suggest women need some cake during that time of the month? Ew.

Also, my WV is coment. haha

Miranda said...

OMG. OMG. OMG.

Someone spilled an entire container of red icing color, and they decided that if they called it "custom decoration" it would sell anyway?

It does in fact appear...ah....yeah. I think I'll pass.

Trevor said...

Um, it's a mitochondria, right? Right? No?

Runs screaming.....

(Jen, I'm sending you my thearpy bills)

Diana said...

There is no such thing as a happy period. Period!

Sue said...

O.M.F.G.

How could they put that on display without at least trying to change its appearance with...anything? More icing? Scraped off icing? Plastic flotsam?

-Sue, Canada

WV: whernat. Whernat gonna take it, no we ain't gonna take it...

Tigerwolf said...

I knew Japanese porn was weird, but this is ridiculous!

…or…

“Boobzai! Boobzai! Boobzai!”

^..^

Naomi Zikmund-Fisher said...

I'm not kidding, that actually made me gag. What were they thinking?

Kristina said...

They _frosted_ a three milks cake???

Tracy O said...

What in the name of all that's holy is that!?! I may be scarred for life...
WV: caractat - Why wouldn't you try to caractat? At least try...

Anonymous said...

Ewwwwwie on so many levels

Craig-Jen said...

such commentary. wow.

mn_me said...

um -
as we say in MN, oooh ish!

Anonymous said...

I assumed it was a nipple (since it's a tres leches cake). Still, a blood red nipple is even more unfortunate than normal blood.

Little Lovables said...

aye aye aye!

Suzanne Dargie said...

That's disgusting! It looks like someone had a nosebleed on it!

jengersnap said...

Ewwwww. Just...ewwwww.

But a bitter revenge type cake to serve up to some unsympathetic (and unsuspecting) guy pals

WV: inshe. Yeah, not even going there with that WV!

Anonymous said...

Oh, my, if that's what I think it is, that is truly vile! I think I've lost my cake appetite for at least a few minutes.

Anonymous said...

I'm assuming that the complete lack of comments at this point in time is directly correlated with the fact that EVERYONE reading this is just as speechless as I am right now! WOW.

Anonymous said...

It took me until seeing the pic tell I figured out who Jen's Aunt was.....I was thinking she just did'nt like cake pics...lol

Rebecca said...

I'll just echo the label with an "ewwww!"

morriganscrow said...

I see it's that time of the month for cakes exhibiting all the signs of a stigmatic nun/priest to make their appearance.


WV - "suffu": Oh, how Jen and John suffu, bringing us these cake wrecks.

Beth said...

LOL There are so many puns here that I didnt find them ALL after reading at least twice. This is perfect! lol Way to have that "happy period"!

Anonymous said...

Wow, that's uncanny.

Maybe it's a "congratulations, we heard you aren't actually pregnant!" cake.

Nanny said...

Yuck!

Melinda said...

Oh. my. goodness. That is so bad. So, so bad. Unbelievable. Disgusting!

Julie M. said...

I bet your aunt's name is Flo!

sarahlovesfabric said...

John, you kept up an excellent flow of puns. You really put your personal stamp on this post. You could probably publish a codex of these terms, proving that men see such humor too.

Ow. I think I strained a pun muscle.

Nobody said...

OMG all the wrecks you post are funny, but THIS one is special. it made me LOL, literally. i love the commentary too. to answer your question... yes. yes, they give me wings, to fly faster out of that bakery and find one that doesn't give my husband hives every month. :)

Renee said...

You're terribly punny John! terribly! :p

ellemck1 said...

Oh... my... That just... well it made me snicker a little bit. But still, oh... my...

TwilightTwins2 said...

i think i just threw up in my mouth a little

Chris said...

That cake looks like it's been shot!

vanfox23 said...

LMAO!!! It could only be better if it was say a Valentine's cake and they wrote "Always" on it!

Kashmir said...

I would like to thank you for the pants-wetting laughter I am currently experiencing. I would also like to send you the cleaning bill for the chair in which I am currently sitting.

Mental note - do not read Cake Wrecks when you have to potty.

helenabucket said...

Good Lord! You know, if they just put it in the bargain section and labelled it "Tres Leche Cake with Icing Mistake," it wouldn't have been nearly as disgusting. I would've thought, "Japanese flag," or "sunset." Instead, all I can think is "Why did I wear white pants without checking my calendar?"

WV: adotor. Take one regular cake and add otor.

Okay...I'm already sorry I just went there.

Hmm... said...

The comments section today has featured the terms "blood red nipple" and "Japanese porn." But I make a vague reference to PMSing and mine gets blocked. Go figure.

Stella said...

Thanks John, it IS appropriately labeled. You guys are twisted and love ya for that....

Fluffy Cow said...

I'd comment, but I am laughing too hard.

*G*R*U*N*T*I*L*D*A* said...

That cake is getting a cramp too...

Jenny said...

What the...?? Sometimes people put strawberries on tres leches cakes, but what in the world is THAT?

thetoddlerwhisperer said...

ja ja ja!

Milo Bloom said...

I guess I would sort of have my red wings after eating that..

Yikes.

Fran said...

Now see, when I saw the pic my first thought was boob with bright red nipple, it being a milk cake and all...but then I realized you were going for the period angle and I honestly don't know which one makes me want cake less...yikes!

Akayna said...

How could they frost a tres leches cake?!

That just isn't right, period.

Willa-the mom! said...

That's raunchy! Eww! Glad I didn't see that sitting on the shelf in the store!

Anonymous said...

AAAAUUUUUGGGHH!!!

Is this turning into some kind of aversion-therapy blog?

Oy vey.

Annie Rose said...

My husband makes three milk cake at home for my kids. Its such a simple light and yummy cake. The red dot definately ruined it. Someone also needs to take a short video of the baker where someone point blank asks them what the hell they were thinking.

Anonymous said...

uh... gross.

Penny said...

......how can there be so many ingredients in a 3 milk cake...??

deckardcanine said...

I thought it was a giant eyeball with a red pupil.

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

To Hmmm,

I didn't see your comment so it wasn't me that blocked it. If you want to resubmit, I'm sure it will be fine. Just no swearing.

john

Joy said...

This Cake gives me cramps....

Wendy said...

OMG - Coffee through the nose...had to go back and re-read the intro to fully appreciate the puns...

Jen you ROCK.

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to share that I typed in "Tres Leches" into the search on allrecipes.com, just to see what goes into this cake (having never tried one myself). Above the results, the page said:

"Did you mean Trees Leeches?"

I think the tree leeches have been bleeding out this cake.

Heidi D said...

gross.

Anonymous said...

I have made it through poo swirl cakes, but this had ruined my appetite for lunch.

Hobbit said...

Oh, cramp!!!!

terrylee44 said...

my first thought, when seeing the picture, was melanoma.

absolutely nothing to do with jen's aunt. unless she just happens to have a melanoma. which would be quite a coincidence.

(living uterus-free for 2 years ... and haven't missed it yet!)

Anonymous said...

I didn't catch any of the puns until I saw the cake, then had to scroll back up to reread. Tee hee.

Anonymous said...

EEEEWWWWW
EEWW
EEEWW

Elizabeth said...

WHAT??!! If you're going to put a blood clot on a cake, could you at least center it?

agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com

Gary said...

Here in Texas, Tres Leches cake does often have fruit on it, and a whipped-cream type icing as well. It's tasty, but (usually) rather soggy.

As for this "Trees Leeches" cake here ... Eewwwwwwwww ...

Excuse me while I go puke up every organ in my body ...

Pin and Paper said...

In the wreckerators defense, if they really were going for the maxi pad look they nailed it. The texture on the top of the cake is very reminiscent of the "dri-weave" on most of today's finest feminine products.

Melissa said...

There must not have been any women working in that bakery. That's the only possible reason I can think of that that cake would get into public view.

They could at least have the decency to put it on the day old rack marked as 'oops, we spilled the strawberry filling, but it still tastes good'.

Sharon said...

Keep your modern art off my baked goods.

blueiguana42 said...

Ewww.

Anonymous said...

If you stare at it for longer than a few seconds, it looks like the spot is spreading. It's like those portaits with the eyes that "follow" you... *shudder*

Stephanie said...

I think this is the most disgusting post yet. (hilarious, though.) I need some midol just from reading it.

I'm sure they could have fixed that. Why, oh why did they not?

On the other hand, lucky us. Now we get to understand that cakes have genders, too.

Anonymous said...

RosieLB said...

What on earth is that?

Anonymous said...

OMG

Anonymous said...

gross

Melissa (& Billy) said...

OH now isn't that just charming.

*barf*

Lisa said...

I think I just got cramps.

Stephanie said...

Groan... that's all I have to say.

kadyb said...

Ewwww. Just ewwww.

ECL 1996 said...

That makes me wonder who could possibly fatally wound a cake and then try to sell it.

Sara said...

That's just so wrong!

Love the suble commentary...

Stoich91 said...

Woah. Yeah, I am going to vomit.

Gloom Raider said...

When I saw the photo of the label, I assumed the cake was going to have three leeches (god willing, made of frosting!) ontop.

That might have been an improvement.

E.M. Green said...

First of all, the thought of a kind of cake wholly devoted to the idea of it including milk kills me. Or, at the very least; it gives me bad gas, a sour attitude, and a few extra pimples.

Secondly, you add the implication that I'm going to be crabby, bloated, and crampy for a little over a week and you have a very crabby, gassy, sour Green who has cake but cannot eat it and craves ice cream but can't eat that either.

You, cake, are a vindictive SOB. You hate filled, curdled, implicative confection!

Pais said...

*Looks* *Blinks* *Looks again*

*wanders away, speechless*

Hai Dee said...

This cake needs to be served along with these french fries:

http://thereifixedit.com/2010/02/28/epic-kludge-photo-logically-absorbs-grease-then/

LaurenH said...

Hmm...next time you make your Eye of Sauron cake, maybe choose a different background frosting color?

Abby Normal said...

Wow everyone's comments have been, spot on. Perhaps some of the puns are not so fresh. But don't let that cramp your style. It’s simply to be expected when the ideas are flowing like... water.

Laura said...

Seriously? No. No. No.

The puns are awesome, though...

WV: desseds
When desserts die they are desseds - and this one certainly qualifies.

jackie31337 said...

"Trees Leeches" wins the thread! Also, I think Miranda is spot-on with her theory of icing color spill.

On a somewhat related tangent, the first time I witnessed my partner having a nosebleed, the very first thought that popped into my head was "wow, your blood is SO red!" Apparently he didn't think it was too weird, because we're still dating.

Abby said...

Pretty sure I need to go throw up now.

Angela said...

I'm with Gary on this one. Here in Texas tres leches often have whipped topping on it. Heck Alton Brown puts whipped cream on his and how can he be wrong? Usually it's got whipped topping and mix of fruit (pineapples, oranges and strawberries or if you ask really nicely blackberries) and nuts on the side for a nice texture contrast. Either way it tastes a lot better than I bet that one does. Do we even know what the red goop is?

Anonymous said...

It IS my time of the month, and this is not the crack I needed! lol
so are we talking lactating (milk) breast cake with nipple or period?

and someone put a chocolate peanut butter cake in the kitchen at work today....grrr....let's just parade my weaknesses right in front of me in my moment of weakness!

jo said...

It DOES look like the cake was shot. Poor, forlorn thing...

Now if only it were sitting in a puddle of red ooze as if there were an exit wound. how lovely.

wv: dommi. What kind of dommi made this cake and tried to sell it?

ya know, when people get tattoos that they need to change (like that of an ex-wife's name or something) the tattoo artist has to find a way to embellish the original "design" and make something new. there's NOTHING a baker can do about a red splotch? I mean, put several. A polka dot cake looks better than an "accident..." at least it looks "intentional." and maybe a little happy.

nelsonturf said...

Oh thank you...I'm stuck in the hospital with my baby having RSV, and while I've always been an avid reader...it's really nice to have something to make me laugh, even under the most frustrating of circumstances. :) Abbie

BADKarma! said...

That's a really, really bad attempt to correct a bakery screw-up. Period. So to speak. (blinkblink).

Mrs.S.Murray said...

Ever seen the movie "Milk Money"? It reminds me of the flashlight part.... "It looks like a boob".

Mai said...

Ok now I'm off cake for at least a week. Thanks John

Angela said...

is is wrong on, oh, so many levels!
Ange

fredjonesiii said...

In the words of my British friends, this cake is "spot-on!"
(NOT!)

Anonymous said...

Those tres leches cakes are nasty anyway. I don't even need the blood spot to stay away from a cake like that!

msyendor said...

I hope the bill wasnt padded.

WV: unsary -- that's highly unsa *choke* ary.

Herouth said...

I guess they should have accompanied it with this.

ishtheintrepid said...

REVA! (That's LOL in Tres Leches Spanish!)

Anonymous said...

I don't think I've ever had a Tres Leches cake without a fruit filling or one with icing instead of a light whipped cream. If a gringo was responsible for this, then I can laugh it off, but if a fellow Latino made this... O_O

And don't get me started on the red spot. The poor baker must have been out of panty liners that day.

Dharmamama said...

Hmm... My women's group decided to do things to celebrate our cycles, things like wearing red jewelry or clothing during that time of the month, to celebrate who we are rather than hide in shame.

But I would be ashamed of this cake! Ew.

WV: kallycou - Maybe they were trying to make a red & white kallycou kitty cake?

Leigh Ann said...

Seriously some of your best pun work yet.

Nasty cake. Brilliant post. :)

Nikki said...

I don't know what was worse - the cake, or the fact that I read the post, looked at the cake, gagged, read the comments, walked away for half the day, came back, read more comments, read the post again, and ONLY THEN did I get the puns.

Never mind, the cake is much worse.

WV: frascest - I don't care that it's the frascest cake ,it's gross!!!!

Spam Names said...

You are funny; this one made me laugh almost literally out loud (I laughed out loud in my head).

Can we pretend it's the flag of Japan?

maryjo said...

Images of the public bathroom at the mall that I'd sooner forget. Ewwwww!

Ainomaria said...

Normally I just lurk but the ingredients list on that cake is actually less appealing than the wreck - cakes should not have that many chemicals in them. Ewww.

Heidi said...

Are they kidding?

Anonymous said...

Perhaps it's one of those cakes to celebrate the immaculateness of the bride, sacredly kept until the wedding night? And then the proof is errrr shown publicly?

Kelli & Joel said...

Oh my goodness. That is so wrong on so many levels!! So Sad!

Sharon said...

I came back to red comments and I googled Tres Leches and noticed that a number of cakes that came up in image search had a maraschino cherry on top. Maybe that red blot was suppose to represent a cherry?

KritterBugg said...

Seriously? SERIOUSLY??? This one had me comment something not so nice out loud and shaking my head in disbelief. SERIOUSLY?!!??!?! What the heck are they thinking?

DK @ http://sweetsbyd.blogspot.com/

Jenn said...

Chris said "That cake looks like it's been shot!"

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Maybe there was a strawberry on it but someone picked it off.

Cranky said...

Celebrate your teenage daughter's first day of puberty!

Contemporary Troubadour said...

Sick! Sick, I tell you! You've outdone yourself, John.

Twirly McSwirl said...

I made a tres leches cake recently. It was delicious. And looked nothing like that.

Incidentally, it IS recommended to top each PIECE with a marashino cherry. But, uh. Not that.

Anonymous said...

How crazy is it that my time of the month started today on this period post? Crazy coincedence!

Anonymous said...

Well, I guess that would have to be a "custom decoration", as I could never imagine this to be mass produced--although maybe the cake underneath is (who wants propylene glycol in their cake???). Thank goodness it's one of a kind!

zoreta said...

Maybe it is just me, but I think something has dried to the lid, rather than dripped on to the cake- food coloring or something that landed on the lid and the decorator was too lazy to go in the back and grab another.

medrecgal said...

Yikes!! Something about the combo of the texture and the color just left me saying ewww, yuck....gave me thoughts of things like my fibroid surgery and other assorted unpleasantries around that lovely aspect of womanhood. Ditto to what Diana said! Love the play on words in the title, though...that was funny as heck!

bats :[ said...

I love the idea of using this as a "Congrats! You're not pregnant!" cake.
That, or to celebrate the summer solstice...

helenabucket said...

@Angela said...
"I'm with Gary on this one. Here in Texas tres leches often have whipped topping on it."

Yeah, strawberries, too. It's supposed to be a very moist (read: "wet") cake from the Mexican/Hispanic tradition.

OTOH, making it look like an oozing tumor or a panty-stain is NOT going to persuade anyone to pick it up for his best little princess' quinceanera.

BTW: I live in Cajun Texas. Could you and Jen put up a King Cake sometime? There's no greater wreck than what amounts to a misshapen challah covered in gold, purple (almost black) and green icing, flattened into a flimsy cardboard container and shipped to your house shmooshed with a choking hazard thrown in as a surprise. Yay! Go baby Jesus!

Delibird said...

One word:

BLEAHH!!!

Anonymous said...

Often this traditionally Hispanic cake is layered with fruit, strawberries, mangoes. So Tres Leches cakes do have fruit in them...sorry to burst the er, bubble here. But, it's true. This is dreadful looking.

Andrea said...

I think that cake needs one of these: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=41296440

Mel said...

Eww!!!

YoyitaPsy said...

I love this site, it´s so funny...
The "TRES LECHES CAKE" or "PASTEL DE LAS TRES LECHES"...
It´s a very popular cake in MÉXICO, usually, only have white butter frosting, it´s a vanilla cake, with a mix of 3 different milks, regular, condensated and evaporated.
Great taste!!!... but the decoration of this one... no comments.. JAJAJA

Susanlee said...

We had tres leches for our wedding cake, but we actually ordered it with a strawberry filling. (Delicious!) The "decoration" is clearly a mistake, but the filling probably wasn't. (Except that it leaked out.)

S said...

Quick! someone call Steve Jobs! They need to order this for the release of the iPad.

MegWeber said...

Ok, I have never actually commented on these, not in the forums anyways, I comment on them but to my husband in the other room as I desperately gasp for air....LOL...but WOW, THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE BEST YET!!! Your commentary just makes my day!!

Anonymous said...

I actually feel sick!

Anonymous said...

It looks like the cherry was old, burst, oozed and sank.

I'm sorry. That sounds so gross. It's not a pun. I really think that's what happened.

Marie said...

Ok now I have seen everything. Lovely reminding us of that happy time of the month.. If I didn't love cake so much that just might have turned me off forever, not quite yet though unless something worse out there is waiting to get me. Lol glad my hubby didn't see this cake.

Anonymous said...

Has anyone else noticed the little yellow label? "Hazardous moving parts. Do not operate unit with guard or panel removed".

The mind boggles! Mind you, I know some ladies who would DEFINITELY qualify for that warning once a month!

MC from NZ

wv: stalnu: That long list of chemicals is just stalnu from really appreciating the horror!

cassievalentine said...

I find that more and more often, I come here and pictures just don't load. IT MAKES ME TRES SAD!

Amy said...

I think I just threw up in my mouth! Ewwww!!!

Anonymous said...

Anybody else seen "Dexter"? The red spot looks like the blood on his slide collection.

Anonymous said...

Holy gross.

Vicki said...

thanks for that needed laugh !!!! you and your puns can make my day.

whizkidforte said...

Wow, this cake should have been shaped as - just guess...

Alessandra said...

oh thanks for making me laugh. I needed to

Allie said...

I'm part Cuban so traditional Tres Leches is very near and dear to my heart, and now...it's...been...RUINED! Forever ruined! I will never be bale to go to a family reunion without simultaneously snorting with laughter and gagging! Thanks, Jen. :P

Sirona said...

I wonder if it was a Twilight or Vampire inspired cake bitten by a one toothed vamp? Something like these cupcakes...

http://bakingbites.com/2007/10/last-minute-halloween-cupcake-ideas/

Mer said...

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-breath-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!! O_O

Helly said...

Actually tres leches cakes CAN contain fruit filling (my favorite is strawberry). And frosting on top. So it's not improbable that it came from leaky fruity filling.

Still, that doesn't lessen the hilarity of the visual in this picture.

Shelley Dayton said...

AGH GROSS GROSS!!!

Beth said...

What looks like happened to this cake--in the bigger, expanded version--is that the fruit filling (yes, tres leches often have FRUIT fillings like strawberries, etc) somehow bubbled up from inside the cake. Could be from sitting out too long and/or temperature change? Either way, the cake should've been pulled.

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Okay guys,

You're killing me here. I've had several hundred servings of Tres Leches from many, many restaurants and it is always the same. It is a light cake soaked in three different milks. There is no fruit in the cake. I have never even seen it offered in the most authentic restaurants in Miami. In fact, I don't even know how you would go about putting a fruit filling in a soggy cake. The milk would be pink and it would probably taste disgusting. That said, if you have actually seen a real Tres Leches cake with fruit filling, I invite you to cut into it, take a picture and send it to me. Consider it a challenge.

john

Joyce said...

Help!!! I can't breath I'm laughing so hard. OMG!!!

Ginny said...

SERIOUS ISSUE ON THE LANGUAGE!! My bi-lingual 12 year old daughter lost her head from laughing so hard. Tres Leches Cake means "Very licked cake." No milk. Just lots of licking.

Anonymous said...

BRILLIANT commentary, period!

Susie said...

Ginny, your daughter must speak French, not Spanish. This cake has a Spanish name.

Anonymous said...

I actually made a period cake like this (not quite as disgustingly realistic with the red dot) at my teenage daughter's request when her friend FINALLY entered puberty at age 16. They felt it was cause for a celebration.

Amanda said...

Have a Happy period!

Anonymous said...

This one left me speechless. I mean ... what the????
Seriously, do we need to celebrate with cake this erm ... rite of womanhood? The mind boggles. (however after having seen some of those Thanksgiving cakes, it probably shouldn't surprise me in the slightest. I'm still in therapy from all those poo-tornado-exploding-penis-turkey-things.)

And to add to my confusion, "tres leches" means "very lick" in French. Imagine what a doofus I felt like when I discovered it means "three milks" in Spanish. LOL
Had never heard of this sort of cake but now that I read about it, sounds rather nice.

Love your site. Without fail, it makes my day.

Elizabeth - Sydney, Australia.

GWSTB said...

I had to read this post a second time to fully appreciate all the puns. WIN!

Anonymous said...

Theres actually jelly in some, not just milk and icing. Guess its not gross after all.

Cindy Denisse said...

Yes, they do frost tres leches cakes and they do sometimes contain a jelly filling or fruit atop the frosting. We have these cakes all the time, bought from our Latino bakers or made by hand by my Mexican family. A tres leches cake can be made into a custom creation. **rolls eyes**

BUT they could have really done without the leaky jam. It's not a good look.