Friday, March 5, 2010

Tell Me What You Want, What You Really Really Want

Friday, March 5, 2010

Sometimes when a cake makes no sense, it's helpful to ask yourself, "What do you suppose the customer asked for?"

Insults 101: When calling a girl a dog, it's always helpful to be breed-specific.


(For what it's worth, I'm pretty sure that's not how Mrs. Hopperband spells her name.)


"Look, I just want what every girl wants for her birthday: a big- a$$ cake!"

Eh. [shrugging] As I'm sure every cake-loving girl would agree: close enough. Pass the forks!


Sometimes you just want a sugary baked good for no reason at all. And yet, without an inscription, what can Wreckerators wreck? That's why they're so adamant that your cake say something.

And that's also why we get Wrecks like these:

Give it a minute.


Jen B., Stephanie W., Autumn R., & Sara G., one "Ho Thing Special," comin' up.

- Related Wreckage: Dial-A-Wreck
The Boob Nazi said...

Jenny Dog Bassett Hound is better than Jenny b*tch, right?

Bindyree said...

Love the BIG ASS CAKE!!!

Andydawg's mom said...

The Big A$$ cake one is actually a play on the Big A$$ chain T-Pain wears.

Anonymous said...

The past two posts are what cake wrecks is all about...

edwina h said...

Sorry to ruin the third cake but I think it's a spoof on T-Pain's BIG ASS CHAIN.

http://smokingsection.uproxx.com/TSS/2009/06/picture-tpains-big-ass-chain

Which it makes it awesome.

Half Assed Kitchen said...

Is there a Wreckerator school for that? Because, durr...

kirstie said...

Morning Jen!

Chris S. said...

Was #3 supposed to be a big-a$$ cake... or a big a$$-cake?

txCurlyQ said...

Not that it makes it any better, but I'm pretty sure the 'big a*& cake' is a riff on a chain a prominent rapper wore, with a medallion that had ' big a#$ chain'.

Please don't make me explain how i knew that.

wv:lesec - defined as the type of eye surgery one needs to make any of these wrecks look acceptable.

Elizabeth said...

I had to blow up that last one to make sure I was seeing an "H". But then I saw the book to the right. Is it just me or does it say, "Customizing Instruction...Less Proficient Readers"? I'd say that would be appropriate!

agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com

Erin of Brownie Bites said...

Even if it wasn't what they asked for, the BigArseCake probably got some serious laughs! Love it!

Jayde said...

I am just cracking up over the 'Ho Thing Special.'

Bully said...

Band bride? I thought it said Bond bride!

Becky said...

I seriously want the big ass cake.

Anonymous said...

joules wonders: "What IS a 'Bond Bride'?" "Or is that 'Band Bride'?"
WV: quiving - These Wrecks are quiving me the quiggles.

Domestic Goddess said...

Nothing special on it. HAHAHAHAHA!!!! That's too much.

Sarah said...

Yes, please. I'd like to order the big a$$-cake, very specifically not the big-a$$ cake.

Also, I'd like the Ho Thing Special.

I mean, what the hell! How many bachelor parties are you going to have, am I right?

Whozat said...

I think that one is supposed to say "Band Pride" and Mrs. Hopper is the band director.

Dharmamama said...

You know how a joke now is to move the dash in big-ass {whatever}, so it has a whole new meaning? For example, "Steve had a big-ass party last night" to "Steve had a big ass-arty last night". See?

So the big-ass cake? Could be the third cake in this post:
http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2010/01/new-years-diet-aid.html

I was going to link to just that image but... {shudder} couldn't. Just couldn't.

Becky said...

Who the he11 is T-Pain, and why do you people know this stuff?

The first cake is SO classic. Oh well, the wreckerator probably would have screwed up making an actual basset hound even more.

*G*R*U*N*T*I*L*D*A* said...

That Big Ass cake is going to scare all the kiddies away...not to mention the dieting set!

Albatross said...

That last one had me literally laughing out loud at my desk!

Anonymous said...

I'm thinking Big Ass-Cake would have been worse!

Skye said...

Hothing?! In Cyrillic, the "n" sound is spelled with a letter that looks like H. I'm going to hope that the wreckerator was Eastern European and doesn't actually think hothing is a word.

deckardcanine said...

I might appreciate getting the BAC if not for the black parts that resemble caviar.

Mouse said...

It looks like the Big A$$ Cake is trying to rival EPCOT ;)

Either way, my big ass wants some cake now.

Kelly said...

I now have Spice Girls stuck in my head!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!

Stella said...

thanks for the Friday laughs...my goodness and black icing to boot!

Bryna said...

I thought that it was Mrs. Hopper (blonde bride on cake)

Hmmm...

ryglights said...

As for the "BIG @$$ CAKE" -- now that's a CAKE!!

And as for the last one, if they just had a hankering for a giant cooking with frosting balloons on it, why didn't they just request it "plain"?

Uh-oh, i think i just opened myself up to another wreck!!

Tiffany said...

Ho Thing Special..... sounds like some kind of Chinese take-out. :)

ryglights said...

They wanted a cake with a Bond Bride on it?? Do they even know what happened to Bond's bride at the end of that film???

("On Her Majesty's Secret Service" with Diana Rigg. Bring tissues, you might need them.)

Thanny said...

Well, I'm pretty sure the first cake was supposed to stop at "Jenny", then add a basset hound (i.e. dog) figure/picture/whatever.

And to answer some previous questions, I think a substantial number of people know who T-Pain is solely because of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7yfISlGLNU

Christy said...

The Big Ass Cake is a glorious, glorious thing. It is most assuredly NOT a wreck.

Laurie said...

You know, aside from the fail that is the words on these cakes, a lot of the time the handwriting on these things is atrocious. I could do that myself. If I were paying money for a professional cake, I'd expect the writing to be nice.

Sara MK said...

Placing order at counter:
"I would like a slice of Big A$$ Cake and a Ho Thing to go please."

Mandy said...

LMAO at the "Big Ass Cake"! I MUST have this!

Helen Husher said...

I was driving through southern Utah a while back and saw a sign for "Ho-Made Pies." Another think-it-through moment that got away.

Naomi Zikmund-Fisher said...

OK, I'll bite. What did the "band bride" customer ask for?

Suzanne :-) said...

I'm glad the Big @$$ cake did not feature a picture or sculpture of a big @$$!

Robyn B. said...

I love the Big Ass Cake; not so much the Ho Thing Special.

Sarah said...

The dark bits on the big-a$$ cake (or he big a$$-cake) look at little like rabbit pooh - eeuuwww!

wv anubsess: the ancient egyptian god of Wreckerators

Miranda said...

AHAHAHAHA. For my next party, I must replicate the Big Ass Cake! When they start cutting, it will get even more interesting. Start at the top and it becomes Ass Cake. Start at the bottom and it becomes Big Ass. you can't lose! XD

Melinda said...

I want some of that big ass cake! Or the Ho Thing Special cookie. Really, just give me anything sweet right now...I don't care if it's pretty.

EG said...

I LOVE the BigAss Cake! Evidentally someone thought it was a wreck, but I'm sure it's just what the customer ordered.

Rachel said...

I took the "hopperband" to mean she wanted them to write the inscription and put the picture in a "band" on the cake, like a ribbon?

It's hard to comprehend how unbelievably dense these cake writers are!!! Time and time again they can't understand when someone wants a picture ON the cake and not spelled out for them! and they do this for a living! Wow. It never ceases to amaze me!

lauradoodles said...

Hahaha I'm sorry but the Big Ass Cake is total win in my eyes :D

Melissa (& Billy) said...

AHAHAHAHAHA "BAC--for when you REALLY want yourself some CAKE!" XD XD XD

That just might have made my day. I may or may not sneak back here throughout the day to laugh at it again.

The rest? As usual, I got nothin'. 0_o

Holly said...

The Big Ass Cake is actually T-Pain's birthday cake!

http://bossip.com/161768/t-pain-celebrates-his-birthday-with-a-big-a-cake/

Annette said...

I'm going to go with the camp that says it's suppose to be a BLONDE bride on the cake. Which potentially makes it even more of a wreck, because it means that the either the customer or the wreckorator misspelled "blonde".

The Black Dog said...

I love the Big Ass Cake, I'd consider asking for that for my birthday.

Carynne said...

The big arse lettering on the big a&* cake is actually quite well-done!

Anonymous said...

'SNOT FAIR!!!


I WANNA BIG ASS CAKE TOO!!!!!!


GIMMEE!!!GIMMEE!!!GIMMEE!!!!


*throws all dollies out of pram and sulks*

Jerry said...

I love the happy exclamation point after "basset hound." I like to imagine the cake was made for 2 pets--a female donkey and a dog who is a basset hound.

Hey at least they spelled "congratulations" correctly.

The BAC made my husband laugh, deviled eggs everywhere. Thanks, Jen.

I'm not touching Ho Thing Special. You can't make me.

Lyza said...

Well how about that! Nice to see my last name on a cake and a post here on the Cake Wrecks site. Yup, it was h*ll on wheels as a youngster being called hound and being female. My brother had not one whit of a problem with that handle. The Bassett name, at one time, was statistically in the top 2000 common names in the USA. Thanks for the grins, always!

Sarah said...

I can TOTALLY see someone calling in and specifically requesting a big a** cake. I bet that was intentional. In which case, it's hilarious.

deemack said...

Have to say, I'd be more than happy with a BIG A$$ CAKE, though I'd be happy to share with Jenny the Basset Hound...

octobee said...

Hey, big ass cake does not belong! It is full of win!

Anonymous said...

Co-worker 1: What kind of cake do you want for your birthday?
Co-worker 2: I don't care, as long as it's a big-ass cake. We've got a lot of co-workers to feed.
Result: The BIG ASS CAKE.
WV: Oppedys -- Hurry and oppedys ice cream carton and serve it with the Big Ass Cake, before it melts!

Sylvia said...

The Big Ass Cake is the funniest cake you've had up here in months! It's rare a cake is LOL-worthy without the additional funny dialogue from you guys. This really speaks for itself. OMFGLOLL

Mira said...

Not familiar with T-pain, but I'd have guessed the Big Ass Cake was on purpose just because it actually looks pretty well done -evenly spaced, correctly spelled, etc.

Glenn Ferrell said...

HA HA HA! I can always count on you guys to make me laugh even when I'm having a crap day at work! Thanks for these!

I Am Bells said...

Ho Thing Special!

D.B. Echo said...

The BIG ASS CAKE should be under "Cake MASTERPIECES." Unless it's a smallish cake. Then it's totally a wreck.

WVW: undecks
Takes back a surprise clobber to the head.

"Joe, realizing the person he has just knocked unconscious was the pizza delivery boy, undecks him, takes the pizzas, and leaves a generous tip on his prone body."

Anonymous said...

About the Band Bride cake

I suspect this is congratulating someone about to get married and they wanted a wedding band and a bride on the cake along with the congratulations message and this got written down as "band, bride on it".

Aviatrix said...

Ah Jen, thank you so much for two postings in a row of my favourite sort of wreck, the ones I characterize as "the under neat wreck." You are too good to us.

My second favourite is the missed mark wedding cakes. I hope you have some more lopsided two-tiered round brown cakes alongside their three-tiered, square burgundy models.

wv: vantsm - I always vantsm more of these sidesplitting wrecks.

msyendor said...

I'd be worried the 'Nothing Special' was truth in advertising moment.

Especially as it pops up (assuming) the morning after the the Big A$$ Cake night.

WV: Reatie -- reatie bytes, missing fragments, message corrupted.

Hockey Mum said...

I just had a birthday and I didn't get a cake. So next year I am requesting a Big Ass Cake!! I better get it too! :)

Thanks for the many laughs!!

LeeAnn said...

Lol. I had to fix a cake that our decorator did once. It was a Happy Birthday Tweety cake. Which is the name of the edible image. They didn't want any writting on the cake.
The new person in the bakery wrote on the slip "Happy Birthday Tweety" and the decorate put the image on the cake (good) but wrote on the cake "Happy Birthday Tweety!" (bad) I had to do my best to scrape of Tweety. Oh my.

Anonymous said...

Am I the only one who's interpreting this as "hot thing special"? I realize there's only one t, but since it's capitalized...

Anonymous said...

At least it wasn't SHAPED like a big a$$! Who would want to eat that kind of cake?

Anonymous said...

I would die happy if I got the Big Ass Cake XD

Fanboy Wife said...

I love the big ass cake! (That cake could have taken a terrible turn, but I'm thankful that it didn't!)

Etiquette Bitch said...

So, I thought CW2 said "Band Bride," and I'm wondering, "what is a "band bride?"

Then the Big Ass Cake. Not "big-ass" as in, "Wow, that's a big-ass car you're driving," but more like Big
Ass-Cake. What would an ass cake look like? I shudder.

Bree said...

The Big Ass Cake is bad ass.

Ivannabite2 said...

Perfect timing for this on fb this came up with the Big A$$ Cake picture and someone had just asked me what kind of cake I was going to make for my birthday so I shared the link and said. "This is what I am making" LOL! LOVE IT!

Anonymous said...

I love the Big A** cake! :D At least it didn't include any anatomy. Pass me a fork! Or better yet, give me the place's number so I can place an order for my next birthday party at work. They'd get a kick out of it.

Anonymous said...

Is that last one a Ho Thing Special? Maybe that's the appetizer for the Big Ass Cake.

Anonymous said...

So did T-Pain originally order a "Big-Ass Chain," which only came about due to an error and really belongs on a website somewhere called "Jewelry Wrecks?" Instead of complaining, maybe he realized he'd found the gimmick he'd been looking for, and he wisely decided to wear it with pride. Now, he's stuck with it on his birthday, too. That's show-biz for ya! :D

The Printed Thought said...

This blog never fails to make me laugh out loud. THANK YOU for sharing these confectionary disasters!

Marie said...

Ok that big ass cake.. is it warning us what will happen if we even attempt to eat it? If so that still wouldn't stop me I would grab my fork and dig right in lol.. sometimes I think these wreckerators are trying to drive their victims insane on purpose.

Dawn said...

Maybe the (now) Mrs Hopper and her sweetheart were both in the marching band...hence, a band bride. I know several band couples from my marching band days (college) who got married. It sounds like the sort of thing those crazy band people might say...you know, filtered through a wreckerator.

Kitty Katz said...

Before clicking on the last one, I thought it said "hotwing special" and got all excited about eating hot wings and cookies. Sadly, I was mistaken. And now I'm hungry.

Gabrielle said...

The Basset Hound cake is hilarious! If you've ever seen Madagascar 2, then you should totally get the inside joke on this cake. The only thing cakewrecky about it is the terrible handwriting and misspelling of "Basset."

James said...

At least that last one has sprinkles.

Anonymous said...

"What do you want for your birthday?"

"Nothing special..."

"Oh, c'mon!"

"BIG ASS CAKE!"

Anonymous said...

The Basset Hound could have been making a reference to Madagascar 2 at the end when they are playing telephone with the monkeys and instead of "pass it on", they say "basset hound"