Monday, March 29, 2010

Bunny Bashers

Monday, March 29, 2010

Team, I've called this meeting because someone is doing in our nation's bakery bunnies. Here's the evidence we've gathered so far:

A bevy of bunny butts buried in Baltimore...


...two truckloads of 'tocks terrified teens in Toledo,


...and this hare-raising tail (at least, we think that's a tail) all point to murder most fowl.

Speaking of fowl, here are our chief suspects:

Humpty Dumpty, hatched and dangerous,

...and the Lamb brothers, Bed and Hood:

Ironically, these two are on the lam.

Still, you should have no problem spotting them; just look for the blood-soaked Easter displays:

"Why hellooo, Clarice. If you recognize the movie I'm quoting, then you'll have no choice but to groan in pain. Heheheh. Excellent."



Jodi S., Jenny G., Jade B., Erin R., Jenna C., & Jessica S., I think you'll agree that we need to rename Erin a "J" name.

So Erin, do you prefer Jedidiah or Jehosophat? Lemmeno.


- Related Wreckage: Easter Wreck Round Up
The Boob Nazi said...

The red-eyed lamb made me laugh aloud. It was more of a "huh" mixed with a "whaaat?"

ellemck1 said...

YIKES! Those lambs with the demon eyes are going to be a source for nightmares...

And are you sure those are bunnies, or just blobs of white icing? I can't tell the difference.

Taylor said...

The fifth one looks like a Tolkien creature. Like a mix between a lamb and an orc.

Anonymous said...

ok, so on number two, they just pile up so much frosting on the top you drag it down and frost the rest yourself? The CCC duck would have some promise if it wasn't made of cupcakes!

Trevor said...

Why is there a Satanic lamb for Easter? I figured the lamb was supposed to be pure, not evil. Look at those red eyes! I'm keeping my distance from THAT thing.

One wonders if either of them will be cooked up with some Farve beans.

Miranda said...

OK, lemme get this straight. Doing a bunny face was just way too difficult, so someone decided it would be smart to do the butt instead? Who wants a butt cake? Ew.

Fluffy Cow said...

*sigh*

I would have thought it wise to master the bunny faces before moving on the the butts... and those sheep are shocking.

Lizziebeth said...

wow, did Big Bird really hatch from a frilly pink egg?

Anonymous said...

That first lamb is well done, except for the face! That ruined the whole thing!

A Girl In Her Kitchen said...

I guess bunny butts are better than seeing creepy pink-eyed bunnies...or maybe not!

http://agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com/

kjl said...

Okay seriously, if you hadn't clued us in to what the bunny butts were I don't think I would have figured those out. Isn't one of the hallmark features of the Easter bunny his cotton tail? Is it just me, or are these bunnies tailless?

Gary said...

I've squinted pretty hard at these pics, and I can't see any resemblence to bunnies at all.

On the other hand, those homicidal lambs look all too real.

Shawna Fay said...

While funny, I do think the bunny butts are cute. Some more so than others...that last bunny butt baker just HAD to outline the paws...couldn't let it go...much like this comment....that is all....really.

Angie said...

That first one seriously freaked me out ... until I saw that it was supposed to be bunny feet. Then it just confused the crap out of me. Those poor bunnies!

And the lambs... No wonder Clarice needs them to be silent.

Half Assed Kitchen said...

I won't be sleeping tonight. Thanks.

Cathryn said...

I actually had to think about "Bed and Hood"....then laughed out loud...where do you come up with this?!

http://www.farmerstrophywife.com

Jennifer said...

I was happy to see you on MSN this morning. http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/36039383/ns/today-today_food_and_wine/?GT1=43001

BecBec said...

The bottom lamb looks like it's been offered up for Passover. Is that blood??

Ceci said...

Wait, a whole post and not a single pun on "bun?" The buns' buns are in need of puns, everyone!

The Black Dog said...

Eeek, creepy lambs, kill and roast them quick!

If I was Humpty Dumpty and I was that lumpy, I'd be upset and going after some bunnies as well.

Anonymous said...

Yikes...I see now why Clarice could hear the lambs screaming...though perhaps she was actually hearing ME screaming.

VeggieT said...

Hey Jen, I was going to start by pointing out big "typo" in the first sentence, but since you said you were quoting a movie I'll let it slide this time...

btw, What were these bakers thinking? If they were expecting "Alice" to jump in these cakes after the rabbit they were sadly mistaken...

W.V. suaticie... the movie I think jen was quoting

spunkymelos said...

Those are truly frightening cakes! I agree that those lambs would scare the bejeesus out the children I know. Looks like the Easter bunny is stopping by with a vengance.

Kymberli said...

Is that last one the Sacrificial Lamb?

Anonymous said...

the cake with a chocolate bottom looks like a sea anemone :p WTF is up with these cakes!!!!

GambleR said...

Erin should just be called Jerin from now on. Period. She'll get used to it.
BTW, those lambs....wow. Imagine popping that on the Easter table after church. Sacraficial, indeed.

SimplySweeter said...

Loughing too hard to comment rationally...LOL

http://www.simplysweeter.blogspot.com

tom said...

The red eyed lamb makes me think of a possessed goat!!! Connie

lisagems said...

Okay, it took me a moment to realize that they are bunnies butts, but once I did I couldn't help but think that they're CUTE! Sad and wrong, but cute.

and lamb cakes are always wrong.


wv frose: on seeing the glowing red eyes of the demonic lamb he frose in fear.

Patricia said...

The first lamb would actually be adorable if it weren't for the demonic red eyes.

As for the bunnies, all I can say is that I, with my 0 experience with piping icing, could probably do a better job... and that is sad.

Gracie said...

I have literally just cackled out loud at: and the Lamb brothers, Bed and Hood...on the lam....excellent!
Thanks so much for my morning laugh.

RecoveringActor said...

WHY DO THOSE BUNNIES HAVE NO HEADS????

edonald said...

GROAAAAAAN. Oh, the puns...

Jron7667 said...

I'm glad someone explained to me that the red and pink spots were the paw pads. I can't tell you what my mind was seeing/thinking!!

Ashley said...

Oh my goodness, those are some scary cakes!!!

NewsCat said...

DEMON SHEEP!Carly Fiorina was right to warn us about them!

Nikki said...

ok the first one, once I figured out what it was (even with your title I had to stare at it for a bit) wasnt so bad... the second & third? why on earth would the shove those poor bunnies head first into a pile of poo??? poor bunnies...

the satanic lambs though? I'm pretty sure those are a sign of the end of times...

wv: lonesse and the lonesse laid down with satanic lamb... who ate her.

Anonymous said...

Ahh. Nothin says Easter like a red eyed freaky lamb. Good times .. lol

Damon said...

The second pic looks more like the bottom of a sheep to me.

I'm not sure if that's more or less disturbing, though.

(Self, it's just a white blob with pink blobs, step away from the computer.)

PhotoGrace said...

Where's my nice Chianti?

WV: ortier.
These bakers ortier be arrested for such bunny carnage and lamb devilry.

Etiquette Bitch said...

Yecch. I mean, really, even if it is *cute*, who wants to eat a piece of A**?

Noni Mausa said...

Yikes. That first cake doesn't look at all bunny-like to me. What it DOES resemble is a fluffy white, adorable, pink eyed ...


... SPIDER FACE!!

Like this: http://www.eyedesignbook.com/ch3/fig-3-10bBG.jpg

Go on. NOW try to not stay in bed with the covers over your head, Easter morning. I dare you.

Tamara Marnell said...

Aww, the lamb was otherwise so cute! Did they run out of black jelly beans and think no one would notice if they used cherry?

Chantelle said...

I'd love that 1st lamb cake if it wasn't so evil :(


wv: preshou... I'm preshou that demonic lamb will be giving me nightmares

Chandani said...

It's the Demon Sheep!
http://www.demonsheep.org/demonsheep/

--
Tracy

flying gargoyle said...

Any help with the "truckloads of 'tuttocks" and "on the lam" photos? I've tried three different browsers and every trick I know, but cannot view those two photos either in context or separately (they either won't load or I get a "Can't Load/Timed Out" error page). (I'm at work, so we have huge, honkin' ethernet access) Thanks!

Laury said...

Who would have thought that I'd be more frightened of an Easter cake than a Halloween cake? My children would have nightmares if I brought one of those home.

Anonymous said...

What is going on all around the second lamb? The crazy fences and random clutter are even weirder than the lamb. It's like someone went into the bakery and said: "Can you make it look like a living nativity gone horribly wrong? Oh, and if possible, I want the lamb to look breathless and wild-eyed, like it has been cornered by animal control. Thanks, I'll pick it up on Saturday."

SLizzy said...

It took me a while to figure out what the first 3 cakes were. I think I'm just going to stick to the old standby of coconut coated cake with plastic floatsam bunny head and Easter grass that inevitably sticks to everything.

ksaldria said...

Oh God, not the sacrificial lamb cakes again! D:

I Love Baby Quilts! said...

I also wondered what the second bunny did to deserve being pushed head first into a poo-pile. A festive, Easter poo-pile.

That hatched Humpty Dumpty has a serious muffin top!

My mom makes a lamb cake every Easter and yes, it is red velvet.

Angelica Bays, TygrLilies.com said...

Gaaaaaa! Is no holiday safe??
"Run! It's the Easter Zombies!"

Melissa (& Billy) said...

The idea of a bunny captured while trying to dig a hole (just catching the Easter Bunny on his way out, I imagine) is cute, but man, if I didn't know what it was, I'd have a heck of a time trying to figure it out...

The 'chick' trying to break out of its egg looks slightly deranged, but the red-eyed lamb...well, let's just say it looks more appropriate for The Exorcist than Easter. 0_o

Melanie T. said...

Demonic lambs and deformed chicks...Dear lord! No wonder the bunnies are burying themselves in cake. I'm thinking of doing the same after seeing those wrecks ;)

Cakedestroyer said...

Cakedestroyer:
That bunny butt cake is a Safeway creation...I can't bring myself to make one yet...maybe tomorrow. heh heh...

DIANE said...

OMG...I have a vintage Lambie Cake mold to make those demon lambies!!!

Oy!

Pariah said...

Even more pathetic because rabbits don't even have toe pads.

Anonymous said...

Personally, I'm a big fan of the mushroom cloud chicken. Or is it a toxic Big Bird spill? Maybe it's like an Easter-themed genie: "Chicken....of the....EGG!!!!" (Aladdin voice)

I'm disappointed there are no smoking lambs yet, but I realize that Holy Week is yet young. Or maybe the fad for lambs this year is merely demonic, and less carcinogenic. These bakery fads can be unpredictable.

I'm cooking Easter dinner for friends this Sunday, and it's my first holiday dinner that I'm in charge of (I'm a grad student). I refuse to do store-bought cakes, but you can bet that I'll be gleaning valuable dessert inspiration all week from this blog. Heh heh heh...

--kate

Anonymous said...

Wow those look crazy
Picture 3 doesn't show up? not even when I click to see it full size. I get an error.

Mary said...

Those were really baaaad. What the heck are these decorators thinking.

Emily said...

Sooo... I thought the first one was a pair of pink paw-prints in snow... Rather than a bunny's bottom. Can we just get bunny faces that actually look like bunny faces?

And I wouldn't want to eat a rabbits rear unless it was cooked in a stew or something.

Anonymous said...

Ahhh, so that's what the chick looks like if it hatches from an egg that was boiled (?) and then decorated...

Maybe we should give these CCC (patooie!) wreckerators more credit--it takes a lot of imagination and abstract thinking to get some semblance of the desired image despite the strange distortions required when they put together all of those cupcake circles into a shape...

Simply amazing the amount of icing needed to pile up those bunny behinds on top of those cakes!

WV: winshe--She will forever be traumatized winshe sees the demonic lamb staring back at her.

Dan Bradbury said...

The last of the three 'bunnies' looks more like a deranged warm fuzzy to me preparing to head out into the world one a killing spree.

Lia said...

Why not "Jerin"?
Or "Jebediah".

Anonymous said...

Do you know how many HOURS it took me to realize that the first three cakes were decorated with bunny FEET? srsly.

Anonymous said...

The second one looks like a pair of boobs to me!

Jennifer

Elisa said...

Looks like someone was inspired by this political ad...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yo7HiQRM7BA

Trude said...

Holy mother those are creepy! And more so than usual!! These bakers MUST be doing this on purpose...or it's a sign of horrible things to come...

Craig said...

I thought the first cake was either the result of a pizza / cake breeding experiment gone horribly wrong or yet another creepy clown cake (ccc, get it?).

Big Bird would be ok, except for the cupcakes and, I dunno, the whole bent beak thing. "Today's cake is sponsored by the letter 'S', as in 'surrealism'. Speaking of which...

The lamb immediately following is seriously disturbing. Overall life-like appearance? Check. Glowing red eyes and a forked tongue? Check. Kids running away screaming? Check.

Maryanne said...

I'd like to eat these cakes with some "fava beans and a nice Chianti....pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft, pfft,". (Ooou, I just gave myself the shivers!)

Cherry said...

hilarious

emily michelle said...

I still don't get the Bed and Hood thing. Could someone explain it to me?

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Emily,

The Lamb brothers, Bed Lamb and Hood Lamb. Pronounced bedlam and hoodlum. I didn't get it either until Jen explained it to me and I like to think that I get her most of the time. Ya know, being married to her and all.

Wreck On!

john

xJane said...

You're entirely incorrect about that first cake. It is, quite obviously, not a rabbit at all, but the famed Easter Spider (who actually lays eggs, unlike the bunny impostor).

Sign me up for one Easter Spider cake, if you please.

M said...

The top one white and pink, the pink circles are the bottoms of the bunny's feet! Like it dived into its rabbit hole, green grass on the side...

Poor little sacrificial lambs

Amanda said...

Holy junk. Those are all frightening, despite the first lam(b)--liked this pun!--being pretty decently constructed.

Are we SURE that second one is supposed to be a bunny, though? I sort of thought of a ladies' jubblies when I saw it.

SpotOn said...

I've looked and looked and can't find a rabbit in any of the first three cakes. Frontwards, backwards, no words.

Show Me The Bunny!

tofuforyou said...

BWAhahahahahaha! The last "lamb" gave me the fear, and the comments almost made me pee my pants. Thanks for making my day!

Queen Koopa said...

They don't have a name for what that is...

Bree said...

Nothing like evil Satanic lambs to brighten your Easter holiday. Hannibal Lecter would be pleased.

BADKarma! said...

The Satanic Lamb Cakes are my new favorites! I love them even more than the Satanic Decapitated Boar.

I've changed my mind: I want a Satanic Lamb Cake as the Groom's cake at my wedding!

caferacers66 said...

i see bunny ta tas in the second pic ...i feel akward yet strangley hungry at the same time..

J.Far said...

Ok, I have to admit it took me a really long time to understand the bunny butts. I thought the big red/pink blobs were the butt cheeks. You can understand my bafflement from there.

Not that it makes them any better if they're feet.

Lisa said...

The lamb brothers, Bed and Hood... I am dying, dying, dying. That is just too awesome. Must file away for use in the near future... my pun-loving family will appreciate it too much to let it end with the website.

weenie_elise said...

are the lambs cake or the traditional polish butter? both terrifying and awesome all together

Gary said...

Yes, the first one is a spider's face. Specifically, it's Aragog from Harry Potter.

Arlene said...

Ok that possessed lamb cake made me giggle that someone actually made that cake and is proud of it. The "bunny" cakes look more like demented monsters than any type of bunnies I have ever seen. Nothing worse than buying a bunny butt cake.. at least I don't think there is yet anyways lol.

Red Wolf said...

Blood-soaked lamb is NOT good eats.

sendingtheclowns said...

I simply must take issue with the 3rd cake down. Were this to have been a real rabbit, it seems just a *tad* likely that its TOES would be pointing DOWNWARDS, rather than upwards...wouldn't you think? I mean, who with any CLASS at ALL, dives headfirst into the ground without first making sure that his/her FEET are on straight?
I do like the fuzziness of the frosting, though--was it done with a fork, maybe?

Here's a Fun Little Quiz:

What, on this cake, could possibly be missing?

A. Lettering, of some really corny sort..like maybe "Hoppy Easter"
B. A plastic cover with price sticker that reads: "$Free to Good Home"
C. A nearby garbage can to accidentally elbow-nudge the cake into when no one is looking
D. Riders... for the orange vegetables

=^~.~^=

Colleen said...

I work at a grocery store bakery and I was creeped out when I first saw the design pages for the bunny buts....weird. Seeing them on here just confirms I was right....they are strange.

Charlene said...

Who comes up with this crap? MMMMmm, let me sink my teeth into bunny buttocks.

Sarah said...

Have you been reading Jasper Fforde? :)

Anonymous said...

my 2yo said "that is not a good cake. that is not a good cake either." ha! I didn't think she paid much attention.

Bridget Delaney said...

I see I'm not the only one who thought that the first cake was giant pink paw prints. Still worthy of CakeWrecks, of course, since it makes no sense alone and without a story.

Norkio said...

I've heard of being washed in the blood of the lamb but this is just getting ridiculous!

Outstanding WV: dingrapo

I can't even thing of something funny for it though.

critter42 said...

(re: the bunny butts) In all seriousness, do chain stores start pushing certain designs?

Otherwise, do these qualify as "cake memes"?

The Hoffman Kids said...

I know it's a long shot, but any chance you've got any Passover cakes coming this week?

Anonymous said...

is it supposed to be an Alice in Wonderland theme? It's still pretty disturbing...

Anarchipluvian said...

I think I'll have that last cake with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

And I thought that first one was a face smiling a Glasgow smile! XD

Smilie said...

Oh my! The first sheep cake would have been alright if not for the creepy eyes and mouth!

Tindi said...

Gaaaah! Those lambs are terrifying! That first one is going to haunt my dreams now!

Scarlett Robyn said...

Gather 'round kids for the terrifying tale of... THE DEMON LAMBS!!! (Dun dun dun!)

It all started when one cake decorator was too tired to decorate properly...

It was a dark evening, at the time of Easter. One young cake decorating apprentice was aching to get home; but alas, his manager told him he must complete the two cakes that he had started earlier that afternoon. Although he was tired, he agreed to finish them.
The cakes were-as you would expect them to be at that time of year- Easter cakes. These particular cakes were "lamb cakes" (not made of lamb, you fool! In the SHAPE of lambs. Now shhhhhh and let me finish my story) As I was saying, these cakes were "lamb cakes". They were almost done, apart from the fact that they had no face yet. So, the decorator set to work. Unfortunately, as it was dark, and the decorator was tired, he did not notice that he had picked up the RED ICING instead of the BLACK ICING! He finished off the faces and locked up the shop. But what he had just created was far to strong to be held back by locks. It was... THE DEMON LAMBS! (Dun dun DUN!)
The evil red eyes had brought them to life! They were taking normal cakes and turning them into ugly piles of... well I'm not sure what to call them actually...Ugly piles of...um...stuff? Oh No! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh And the normal cakes were being turned into..dare I say it? Cup Cake Cakes! What would the people do? Hang on-what is this the people see? A giant boobie cake? Hooray! The giant boobie cake has saved the day by chasing the Demon lambs away!
But, the demon lambs are still out there. So,remember, if you ever see two rather odd looking lamb cakes in a cake shop,some ugly piles of stuff the decorators call cakes, some CCCs and a boobie cake... RUN!!!!

jo said...

My daughter thought the first one was an evil snowman. She saw eyes in the footpads.

Rachel said...

that first lamb looks evil in a funny way; like it's so typically innocent looking but had the red eyes and nose that just make it comical. The second lamb looks more like a set piece from a Satyricon concert.

Melanie said...

The last lamb. Oh. My. God.

Anonymous said...

Hey, wait a minute. The sticks and stones cake...those aren't "stones"! Those are Vicodin! Oh, my yes; definitely...I wanna go to their house for Easter Dinner. And, don't even ask about the "brown sugar" glaze on the ham or the "mixed greens with mushrooms" salad!

Cupcakes Lady said...

The red eyed lamb makes me think of a possessed goat. Lol ;) xx