Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Multiple Choice Wrecks

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

The great thing about modern art is that the subject matter is often left open to interpretation. So for these cakey specimens, I figured I'd give you a few options:

a) a hairy alien hand, complete with '33' tattoo
b) minnows attacking a log in a mud puddle
c) a cactus, to show how "cuddly" Mandy is


a) a post-modern pear
b) My 2nd-grade art project
c) an African "beer basket"

a) a diagram of a frog's reproductive system
b) a wishbone jumping rope
c) a T-bone steak

(Ok, that one was too easy; the inscription gave it away.)

a) salt and pepper shakers
b) dumbbells in front of a giant graffiti-ed pickle
c) a skateboard



a) a gladiator sandal with extra arch support
b) Something the under-14 set really shouldn't be looking at
c) a corset? Er, I mean, a corset. Yeah.


Matthias, Anony, Teresa, Angela M., & Sydney W., here's a hint: The answer is always "c".


- Related Wreckage: Dastardly Dad Designs

Jasini said...

On the Mandy one, what does "Xiy Xoun" mean, anyway?

Karen B. said...

I lost a few IQ points just looking at these!

diddleymaz said...

Im sorry but the first and last just look like weird willys/ vibrators.
the T bone could be a map of the place their leaving or going to.
The second one is obviousley The Holy Hand grenade of Antioch, ( thrice shall be the nunber :O )
and the skatebooard thing is just mouldy and hideous, Never never try to "get with the kidz" in icing and sponge cake.

Taylor (My Older Brothers) said...

Does the T-Bone cake have a bunch of "@" signs on the side? Or are those tiny hammer/sickle combos? Is T-Bone going back in time to the USSR?

Good luck comrade! Have some Lenin cake when you get there!

Sandy said...

Ummm...wow.

Judy said...

Hmmm...the last one, ( ummm...that the under 84 crowd shouldn't be looking at) appears that it had a very unfortunate accident where gangrene set in and a poor attempt at bandaging was made.

WV:qugsbylf - I believe that was the sound uttered when the "unfortunate accident" occurred.

Maggles said...

What is up with the inscription on the last one? It looks like "Future Lowe Mrs." Fail!

Nicky said...

Even If you say it's C, I'm still going with A on number one. The inscription really gives it away - Xiep Xorn?

Anonymous said...

OK, so the first one is arguably a cactus, clearly made by Rolling Rock (hence the "33" on it), and it's for Mandy. But why in the world does it say "Xiep Xorm" on it?

-jklGoDuke

b*sherrie said...

I'll take Xiep Xorn for $300, Bob.

Christine said...

What DOES Mandy's inscription say? And what's a beer basket? And does it really say "Future Love Mrs."?

Enquiring minds want to know.

kissmyfranny said...

The 1st one is definitely a strip from when
Mandy got her last wax job.

Terry Lee said...

huh. the t-bone cake looks like an IUD inside a uterus. but i probably still have c-section uterus on the brain ...

terry lee

darkshines said...

The picture on the first one looks like a friend of mine who eats batteries.....

Kate in Italy said...

There really should be some kind of application-screening process for cake decorators. Seriously. Creativity can only go so far before it becomes something like that Corset Cake. Just because you can pipe frosting in cursive doesn't mean you should be allowed full access.

SallyJFox said...

Congratulations on the new look, and extra kudos for managing to stay on good terms with your web designer. That's not an easy task.

And that "t-bone" looks like a diagram in an IUD pamphlet. Which would be a funny cake for a lady named Mirena, come to think of it...

originalrager said...

What the heck does it say on the first one?

That second one looks at any of my failed attempts to be artsy in cake making, which is why I now buy all my cakes at Costco...they may be hideous, but the recipients fall into a sugar high so quickly, they soon forget how outrageous the cake looks!

And any parent with a skater kid or a skater poser (like mine was) can recognize the Element logo on the skateboard - so that gave it away...but hideous nonetheless.

And where the heck do you buy a corset like that? Might make for an interesting Halloween costume!

Craig said...

"here's a hint: The answer is always 'c'."

Wait, really? Or is that another joke?

Todd said...

OK, what on earth is an African "beer basket", and why have I never gotten one as a gift?

jackie31337 said...

According to my 6-year-old, the cakes are:
1. A cactus
2. A pumpkin
3. A heart
4. Mushrooms
5. A tree

I'm still wondering what's written on the first cake, though.

Fluffy Cow said...

The first one is one of those nose strip thingys, right?

Oh... C. M'kay, if you say so!

Areia said...

I believe the first cake says "Hiep Hoera", the cheer at the end of the Dutch version of the Happy Birthday song. Growing up in Belgium I was taught to write a capital H like that, though they're supposed to be wider so they don't look like Xs.

Felicia Kramer said...

Thanks for giving me good laughs to start the day! Some days, though, it's a good thing I'm only drinking coffee and not eating before I look at your site ... yech!

mommymichael said...

Hey Jen,

Your links aren't working properly.

I'm trying to send you a cake wreck, and it won't let me.

Michelle S. said...

These look like the results of a drunken frosting pictionary party.

Half Assed Kitchen said...

I think number two is a tricked out garbage back.

And Good Grief is number two shiny. Like shellacked shiny.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

urbangirl said...

WOW! I don't think iv ever seen a skate bored that think before! And that pare thing! Dang! I don't think i could keep a strait face as i blew out the candles!

Anonymous said...

The second one looks like Joe Dirt's new wig.

Keeley said...

I googled African beer basket,and darned if it doesn't look just like that cake! Now if i could only figure out what it's supposed to do. A basket's an unlikely place to keep beer--it'll all run out before you can drink it, yes?

Unfortunately, Googling Xiep Xoem did not help solve anything about that first cake--all the answers were in Chinese. I think the poster who mentioned Hiep Hoera may be onto something. At least there's a birthday connection there. And those do look like H's if you squint a little.

errrr... said...

I think the first cake looks like a sex toy. Just sayin'.

Squidley said...

When looking up what the hell an African Beer Basket was, I stumbled on the baker's site. There are a few other wrecktastic cakes on there.

Deray said...

I thought the T-bone was a bad attempt at a Spain-Portugal map, jajajaja. What the h is Xiep Xorn? Future love Mrs? o_0

Anonymous said...

I thought the first one was for a beautician who specializes in waxing. It looks like a used wax strip.

Lisa said...

Areia wins the most useful comment award. I would never have figured out Mandy's inscription...my new phrase of the day shall now be Hiep Hoera.

Maria said...

i thought the first one said Liep Loem. which sounds kind of Latin to me, so it must be something profound, like Live Long and Prosper.

i'm sooooo glad someone else saw an IUD in the t-bone. *phew*- I was worried about me there for a sec.

Joan said...

I thought the T-bone cake was the state of South Carolina seceding from itself.

NYCGirl said...

I'm going with "featureless snowmen (or possibly dogs) in front of moldy melon rind" for the fourth one.

Lizard said...

No one seems to have even mentioned the LOVELY job the wreckerator did matching greens on the Future Love Mrs. Cake. BLEEGH.
I do think someone was onto something with Halloween Costume... though only if you were dressing as a zombie stripper.

Keeley said...

@Squidley: you are not kidding! That baker's web site is an interstate of wrecks, with an occasional rest area that's free of wreckdom. Jen could have a whole month of fun with those.

WV: I am ploisd to offer my opinion of these wrecks.

Lucille Ball Jr. said...

interesting. . . .

Jen said...

Am I really the only person who thinks the pear-shaped beer basket one was actually decorated with Bendaroos?
Maybe I've been watching too much kid TV...

Ceili said...

Re: Maybe it's not waxing but sugaring? However, the question still must be asked... WHY?

deckardcanine said...

The beer basket actually looks pretty good to me. Only the fact that it's supposed to be filled with beer is halfway wrecky.

WV: bachies -- diehard fans of J.S. Bach.

Judy said...

Okay here it is. The African beer basket link:

http://www.africadirect.com/productsdesc.php?ID=45254

Dennis said...

@NYCGirl:

I think you're right about the watermelon rind, but I think those are sausage biscuits in front of it.

Amy said...

The skate board one looks like two hairy mushrooms in front of a wall of graffiti.

~Amy B

Kelly said...

Why on Earth would Adam and Abbie's decorator make a smooth board and not wheels? At fist glance I thought the last one was one of those squeezy stress dolls whose eyes bulge when the thing is squoze.

WV: halitos - the horrificly bad breath one can only get after eating Nacho Cheese Doritos.

By the way, you must look for "hiep hiep hoera" videos on youtube! I started with an album from Sesamstraat (the Dutch version of Sesame Street)and was briefly distracted by the many Sesame Street videos, but if you can pull yourself away from Ernie's powerful grip, some of the videos are fantastic!

Allison Harris said...

The T-bone looks like an IUD in a uterus!

ladycrim said...

I'm actually proud of myself for figuring out the t-bone steak before reading the inscription or the choices. I'm less proud of then thinking, "It looks like an IUD."

DNfromMN said...

Tbone looked like a uterus to me

Etiquette Bitch said...

um, translations on the inscriptions, please? "Hip Heom" on CW1? On the last CW: "Love [unreadable] Mrs."???

Stacey said...

Have I been out of the skating scene too long? When I was a kid, skateboards were flat!

Em said...

@ Michelle S:

Oooooh, a drunken Pictionary party using cake and frosting. Caketionary.
I wanna play.

MarieA said...

ok.. that first one? I *really* thought it was one of those rabiit thingies... you know - like the one Samantha uses on Sex and the City? oh sorry? is that a Family rated blog?

but seriously... look at it again... well.. except for the pricklies....

olson said...

OMG! OMG! "Wishbone jumping rope!!!".....OMG....TOO.....FUNNY!!!!

Gladys said...

How do all of you know what an IUD in a uterus looks like?? This is not an image currently resident in my brain, and unless you've all been teaching Health class and/or dissecting humans, I'm curious to know where one might pick up this info.

As for the cakes: that skateboard would SO not roll. It's got fluffy wheels, for heaven's sake. Fluffy objects, with the possible exception of my younger cat, do NOT roll.

Amanda in Austin said...

The first one looks like a used hair waxing strip. Nads, anyone?

Anonymous said...

The T-bone looks just like the model of the Mirena IUD in a uterus that my O.B. has in his office.

Christa said...

I'm gasping for air about the last one...14 and under...hahahaha!
I totally see something you could buy at a passion party in those!

Raethe said...

Actually, I thought the second one was an overdressed pineapple.

Red Wolf said...

The first one is clearly *tadpoles* attacking a long, not minnows.

I also thought the T-bone looked like a map of some sort.

Jael said...

http://www.tiersofjoycakes.net/novelty.htm

^^The person who made the African Beer Basket also apparently thinks that The Little Mermaid has explosive diarrhoea. Scroll down a bit.

Thrifty and Healthy said...

Funny Stuff! I like the new look of your site!

Ted S. (Just a Cineast) said...

That last cake looks like it says "Mrs. Lowe", not Mrs. Love.

However, I don't get why the corseted torso is covered with moss.

Dimndgal1 said...

When I saw the first cake, I first thought "Hellraiser"... but then I saw the 33 and figured "ok, Rolling Rock?"
But then, you add the (apparently) Dutch inscription, and it's a multicultural cake - cactus, beer, and a Dutch cheer!

Oh, and I think I see a new trend starting: first there were pregnancy cakes, now there are birth control cakes! "Congrats on your IUD!"

WV: clogr - someone who fills Cakewrecks (or other awesome blogs) with meaningless drivel

Leslie said...

@Gladys I know because every GYN I've EVER been to has one of those little insurance company distributed models to show you what your IUD will look like in your uterus.
And really there's not much else exciting to do in a gynecologist's office besides look at the plastic models and posters.
They look at you funny if they come in and you've already got your feet in the stirrups and you're yelling "YEEEEHAW".

Nate said...

I could've sworn #2 was a Cosby sweater/gourd.

Jessica said...

Wow. I think I got all of them except Adam and Abbies. Untill I read the comments. Really a skateboard? Hmmm. Even though I know it was a T-bone I think it really did look like a wishbone jumping rope.

sailordada_99 said...

I'm really surprised I'm the first one to mention this but, the first one is a cactus and a hand. That's because it's the Cactuars' hand, the cactus monster from the Final Fantasy franchise.

Anonymous said...

Mandy's cake with the "Xiy Xoun" is actually saying "Hiep Hoera". It's Dutch and it's the same as saying "hip-hip-hooray".

Jerry said...

Uh, did somebody take a bite out of T-Bone's cake?

The beer basket is kind of awesome actually.

Alisa Knits! said...

And here I was all excited because I thought I'd get to be the first person saying the steak looks like an IUD. You guys are good!

val said...

Leslie -
I now have a new object in going to the gynecologist. Thank you.

peewee said...

I totally thought that second one was a uterus.

Lucia said...

gross!

fangfluffy said...

that second one DOES look exactly like i remember a glazed pot i made in art when i was about ten years old...

in other news, i'm very excited because i just got an email from amazon saying they can now predict when my wrecky book will be delivered!!!

wreck on, everybody!

Anonymous said...

So does no one else think number two looks like a penguin? An argyle-patterned penguin, that is.

Mommy.Mary said...

That t-bone one looks like an IUD. Mmmm, cake anyone?!

Anonymous said...

Re: African beer baskets. As someone raised in Africa, there are two versions of these (in the non-cakewreck world!) The cake here is shaped very much like a beer gourd, used very effectively to store home-made beer. Gourds are often beautifully decorated with geometric patterns, which have been wreckplicated here. A beer basket is a very finely woven basket, often somewhat gourd-shaped. No it is not watertight, you pour homemade beer (very cloudy, lots of suspended particles from the grain used) into the basket with a pot below, the fine weave of the basket filters the beer into a more drinkable form.

MC

Angela said...

Looking at the maker of the beer basket cake's website, it's disorienting. Some of the cakes look lovely (especially Strawberry Shortcake's house! Wow!), but so many of them look awful (Little Mermaid sitting on a pile of... rock.... shiny, brown, dripping...rock). And the baker inevitably makes cartoon character's faces look furry. Fascinating...

Courtney C. said...

Ok, so I'm pretty sure that the skateboard cake is another example of parents subconsciously displaying favoritism for one of their children! Adam's part of the skateboard is 2/3 of the bottom and the entire "top" of the cake! All poor Abbie got was the left half of the bottom...and the number 3. Who got the number 1 you ask? Oh ya, the favorite child... Adam!

Lauren said...

I liked the post-modern pear better than the basket!

Natalie said...

My brain hurts.

Gaylon said...

Okay, the second one looks like Mrs. Butterworth in a harlequin skirt. And I'm really, really glad Number 3 didn't fill in the steak with that red gel stuff.

WV: natoll - a newborn coral island

anaceofkidneys said...

I love the argyle pear. That one definitely merits wreck-plicating.

Chocolatier said...

hah! im part of the under-14 set.
I think the second one looks like a large pear in a quilt. and the skateboard one could be two teddy bears facing a humongous watermelon.
The third one looks like...um...(racking brain for something that looks even remotely like the design) nope, doesn't look like anything. But if I had to choose, I'd say A.

Bree said...

I'm glad you said the Adam & Abbie cake was a skateboard, because my first thought was two Daleks sitting in front of a spaceship console.

Vickie said...

Terry Lee said it first . . . T-Bone looks like an IUD/uterus! I couldn't figure out the salt shaker one, but skateboard sounds right to me! Also, the "beer basket" looks like a northwestern Chinese vase from Gansu Province (where I live, which is why I normally get to read Cake Wrecks before anyone else . . . it's my evening when it is posted in the States!)

Poor Mandy . . . I think her inscription is some ancient, unrecognizable language.

Sixxlet said...

First cake: I LOVE the handwriting used to write 'Mandy', but I still can't figure out what the other two words are.

Last Cake: Future Mrs. Love? Future Mrs. Lowe?

Bobbi said...

Jen, I think you're too polite to say it (did I just say that?!), but the first one looks like a social disease...eeeeewwww...

Mandy said...

As a Mandy, I am thoroughly perturbed by the first cake, especially since my next birthday will be my 33rd. o_O

The 3rd cake (T-bone?) looks like an IUD to me!

Love the new layout, Jen!

WV: inishlo ~ what to drink while viewing these wrecks

thisbagisnotatoy said...

For the last one, Christa may have it with "passion party" -- maybe it was a lingerie shower for the future Mrs. Lowe. Poor Mr. Lowe.

Leah McNally said...

That last one reminds me of the monster in the bugs bunny cartoons, except the monster was red as I recall.

Arwen said...

For the first one I'm going to go with d) a vibrator

Tara said...

I was thinking the t-bone steak looked like an IUD.

Anonymous said...

For the 2nd-to-last one, does anyone else see two complementary hotel towels placed in front of a truly horrible bathroom countertop/sink?????? No?

GentlyFeral said...

I was only surprised that there was a right answer for the African beer basket cake.

lyndsay said...

OH WOW. so amazing... !!!!!

Amy said...

The Incredible Hulk called.
Wants the last cake back.

Danielle said...

Nah, that "T-Bone" one is definitely an IUD jumping rope.

I Love Baby Quilts! said...

Wow, you guys weren't kidding about the beer basket wreckerator website! It's a treasure trove of wreckiness! Everything is tilting to the right, sweaty and shiny, and just a little blurry around the edges. I'm especially partial to the pregnant Dora the Explorer. Although, I have to say, my son would kill for that Yugi-oh cake, no matter how wrecky it is.

Anonymous said...

The steak one reminded me of the doctor's illustration of my IUD. Lovely. Just what I want on a cake.

KenyonJen said...

@Joan: "I thought the T-bone cake was the state of South Carolina seceding from itself."

LMAO...perfect caption. :)

Happy to hear so many other people saw an IUD in the T-Bone cake.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I think that website (http://www.tiersofjoycakes.net/novelty.htm) is a cruel lie. I refuse to believe anyone who could make that divine Strawberry Shortcake house could also make that monstrosity of a Shrek cake.

Suzanne said...

Ok, so I was cruising around on the internet today for local bakers for my mom's wedding cake. Lo and behold I stumbled across the "African beer basket" photo on a local bakery's website. I screeched in terror/delight/hilarity and immediately turned around the laptop so my sister could see it (she visits this blog as well). Let's just say that their body of work is fully represented by that specimen. "Professional" bakers people! Professional!

annacakes79 said...

WoW!!! I checked out the web-site that "Beer Basket came from, and some of those cakes are AMAZING!! (ans some are such awful crap!) How can there be such a difference in the cakes? Are some done while on a bender? BAFFLING!!

Hannah Turner :) said...

YOu know. when i first saw the first one....thats going to get confusing. Okay. When I initially viewed the first picture, I thought it was a voodoo doll hand with red pins stuck in. Then I looked again and I though it was actually SUPPOSED to look like a and goin through sparse acupuncture. Then I read the available possibilities I thought they were a joke, because o COuRSE it was an acupunctured hand.....though out of those I would say minnows attacking a log. :)

Anonymous said...

I laughed til I cried over the wishbone jumping rope comment. Perfect!!

Anonymous said...

The Mandy-one says 'Hiep Hoera' which is Dutch for Hip Hooray.

Ramen Noodles said...

I believe that the inscription on the first one reads "Hiep Hoera". It's a dutch expression related to the English "Hip Hooray," commonly associated with birthdays. The first letter is just some strange cursive form of an "H."

Maudy said...

For all of those on the Mandy cake: It's Dutch for Hip Hurray, Hiep Hoera. Now, at least that problem solved, the thing that needs a wax job stil leaves us guessing...

Carolyn said...

"A wishbone jumping rope"! Too funny! Thanks for the good laugh.

Sarah said...

#1 A moldy piece of green bread being eaten by a bunch off vicious flys.

#2 The Holy Hand grenade of Antioch from MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS AND THE HOLY GRAIL. Funniest movie ever!

#3 A t-bone steak. The inscription totally gave it away.

#4 REALLY small snow men in front of a snow board.

#5 A weird tree trunk with a flowery bouquet of leaves on top, and a flowery bush at the bottom.