Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Blimey, Somebody Call 999!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Stewart C., a self-proclaimed "Wreckie-in-Training, UK Division" has informed me that today is the unofficial Emergency Services Day in the UK, on account of it being 9/9/09. (See, here in the U.S. we dial 911 for an emergency, but in the UK, it's 999.) Now, I know what you're thinking: does that mean there's an official Emergency Services Day? And if so, what day is that on? We may never know.

Regardless, I think that we should celebrate this occasion with our perfectly smashing neighbors across the pond, if only so I can liberally sprinkle what few bits of British slang I know gratuitously throughout. So, with a hi and a ho, and a cheerio, let's go!


Oi! See here, now: This poor sod's not only hit the sleeping policeman of the century, but he was apparently eaten by those dodgy spiders as well. 'Sa right shame, tha' is. The date's quite fitting, though, innit? Pip pip!

Cor! Did you know there's actually a cake kit for car accidents? Straight up. Check it out:

For today, I think I'll call this the "Bangers & Mash Cake." Just take a gander at the ickle bobby wagon! Bent as a bottle of a chips, is what that is. [nodding earnestly]

And here's how you add a bit of jiggery pokery to a car wreck cake:

Say, where IS the accident? This cake is all fur coat and no knickers, if you know what I'm saying. (What, you don't? Oh. Well, that makes two of us.)

And to really throw a spanner in the works, you could add a little fancy man jibber jabber:

Gaw, that's right cheeky, but it's better than a poke in the eye with a blunt stick, eh? Bob's your uncle!

Hey Hunter S., Tara T., Tim G., and Michelle B., if Bob's your uncle, then how's your father?

John's Helpful Index For Ruddy Yanks:
Oi!- Hey there!
Poor Sod- A pitiable fellow
Sleeping policeman- Speed bump
Dodgy- Risky, suspicious
'Sa right shame, tha' is- How unfortunate
Cor!- My goodness!
Straight up- True True
Ickle bobby wagon- Small police car
Bent as a bottle of a chips- Crooked
Jiggery pokery- Deception
All fur coat and no knickers- No substance beneath
Spanner- Wrench
Fancy man jibber jabber- Love talk
Gaw- Exclamation
Right Cheeky- Attractively impudent
Better than a poke in the eye with a blunt stick- Not so bad
Bob's your uncle!- There you have it!
How's your father?- A nudge-nudge wink-wink bit of innuendo
Ruddy Yanks- Americans

Related Wreckage: Transformers Going Down In Flames
Wide Awake Wife said...

The second cake reminds me of a video game my daughter plays where you earn points by causing the largest accident at an intersection!

Terry Lee said...

i'm gobsmacked at the lot of them.

(i wanted to use "arse" in my comment but just couldn't muster the "cheekiness")

terry lee

NYCGirl said...

Yup, nothing says happy birthday like a car crash.

Anonymous said...

In the first picture, it looks like he hit a hay bale.

angie said...

Can you translate please? lol

Tigerwolf said...

Wreck Cake #1: The man-eating spiders advanced on their monstrously unstoppable way, consuming every life form in their path. Even a Harley couldn’t outrun the swift, eight-legged dealers of death know as…THE SPIDER SWARM!!!

Wreck Cake #2: Nothing says “Happy Birthday” like a roll-over car wreck with multiple injuries that requires the help of every early responder in the county.

Wreck Cake #3: The slugs! The slugs!

Wreck Cake #4:
“I love you,
A fire truck and a wreck;
A fire truck and a wreck and a collar ‘round your neck,
Collar ‘round your neck and couple broken arms!
Couple broken arms and you’re stuck in ICU,
I love yooou! Yes, I love you!”

^..^

Anonymous said...

with the 1st cake, what's w/ 8-8-08? i thought it was 9-9-09... so how is 8-8-08 appropriate? (i understand TODAY is 9/9/09 & it wouldn't be possible to post a cake that wasn't even created till today... but still...)

Brittanie said...

I laughed so hard at all of the slang! Could there possible be a more drab looking cake than #2? Blah.

Missy said...

So what you are trying to say is that they drive on the wrong side of the road in England?
Love the cakes and British slang, even though I understood very little of what you said. :)

Leslie said...

Look what those tosspots have gone and done.
British slang FTW!

That Frood said...

Bolly! Human tragedy? What could possibly be more suitable for cake?

Anonymous said...

I found your usage of British slang particularly amusing during this post.

-Emily

postJazz said...

I'm British...and I still don't understand what you were trying to say.... :-P

The Gripes of Wrath said...

Dick Van Dyke just called: he'd like his idiom back!

(Nice attempt at using Brit-slang - your next challenge is to master Scots. Your site is pure dead brilliant, btw)

James Ross said...

Cor i loved your slang, very mixed lots of Northern and Southern slang mixed up just like some of the cake wrecks you've posted. Nah i'm orf down the rub a dub dub, for a few britneys and a sing round the auld jonah.

I'm English and even i struggled with that lol!!

Anonymous said...

LOL at your Britishisms!!!
And what interesting cakes...
;)
Ellen

k-bro said...

These cakes take the "wrecks" in Cake Wrecks to a whole new level.

buh dum bump

St Jude said...

Urm nice try sweetie, but I'm from dear old blighty and I have no idea what on earth you were talking about. I think I would like a translation too please;0}

Scotland said...

YAY!

Happy Emergency Services Day!

And I'm impressed you managed to fit in quite a lot of British Slang in there.

for the record:
International Firefighter's Day : 4th May
but I can't find an actual Emergency Services Day.

Stewart C
Wreckie UK devision (I feel now I have got on the site I can say I have passed my training!)

Taylor (My Older Brothers) said...

@Wide Awake Wife...
Burnout! That's what I thought when I saw today's car wreck cake wrecks too! I love those games.

Vickie said...

My eight-year-old son would just love an "accident laden" cake! It would be right up his alley. So stop your "whinging" about it all and let the boy eat cake!

Lucille Ball Jr. said...

wow! in that first cake, is that a bridge?

asthehind said...

Er, you do realise that your last sentance is asking for sex, right?
From
a confused Brit.

Evalis said...

"I think I'll call this the "Bangers & Mash Cake.""

eeewww. Having been to England, i can firmly say that bangers and cake DO NOT mix. *shudder*


wv - nodstryo - "nice try though" when you have a bad cold.

Anonymous said...

Love the new template - blog is loading REALLY SLOW for me, like it takes 2-3 minutes? Should that happen?

Anonymous said...

BAAAHAAAAHAAAA!
Jen, you rock! I'm almost peeing my pants over here. And really, thats why I visit Cake Wrecks every day. For a good old fashioned pants peeing.

Krista

Evalis said...

If you want to go all British with these cakes you should know that the roads have lanes that are too wide to be properly from England.

...and one bit of slang (one of my favorites) that you missed: tinkle, which translates loosely as 'call'. As in "You need a taxi? Give me a moment and I'll give them a tinkle."

Keeley said...

That would be "sod", not "sot". Also, I prefer "Bent as a nine bob note" =D Yer English ain't 'alf bad!

Milo Bloom said...

Seems that an Emergency Services Day for the US got hijacked by a bigger event.

Too soon?

john (the hubby of JEN) said...

Anon @ 10:23,

Actually, all the indications we have say it's coming up faster for most folks. It is peak traffic right now though and it is Blogger.

Thanks for heads up though. I'll look into it.

Asthehind,

Is that what that means?

;)

john

Anonymous said...

"bobby wagon"? What films have you been watching?!

Incidentally, anything at all uttered by Don Cheadle in Ocean's Eleven is about as far removed from British slang as you can get. He's the least convincing pretend Brit since Dick Van Dyke.

Kat said...

Love the English accent...well written so one could follow! I almost felt I could hear you talking...

Nathalie said...

Cor, what a cracking read :D

Leah J. said...

I have no bleedin' idea what most of your slang means (only recognizing some from Austin Powers movies and other bits of pop culture, never having been there myself), but I love it!

I laughed particularly hard at the "jiggery pokery" bit, which brought out my Harry Potter nerd-dom... it's what Harry used to threaten Dudley as a spell in Order of the Phoenix (I think). Couldn't help myself :)

Fluffy Cow said...

Not sure if I laughed harder before or after I knew what it all meant!!!

bren yule said...

Bloody brilliant...Ahhhh, my mornin' tea and crumpets, cake wreaks that is...great way to start the day, a giggle and a brit lesson. Carry on!

deckardcanine said...

"Throw a spanner in the works" is British? Huh. Maybe the Internet is making it more common to Americans.

Kirsty said...

All fur coat and no knickers has two meanings - either it's someone/something who appears classy or expensive but isn't really, or its someone who spends money on fripperies rather than substantial things (like buying shoes instead of groceries - you'd have a nice fur coat, but your knickers would be knackered).

Sacha said...

Hahaha. I am incapable of commenting on the cakes, which I'll admit received only brief glances from me today, because I was so distracted by the dialogue. I love it!

Melinda said...

Hilarious post today! And hideous cakes...I don't know how to say that in British. The best I could do is horrible, but, you know, without the H.

the Provident Woman said...

A little disturbing that anyone would want a crash cake.

Keeley said...

Hey, who's that other Keeley that's posting? I was gobsmacked to see her name there--who's she when she's at home?

I'm in love with brit slang, can't you tell? But these cakes, not so much.

Anonymous said...

Jen, have you been watching the Andy Griffith show lately? Andy's English Valet is one of my kids favorites. :)

Gwen

VeggieT said...

I dub the 2nd cake "The Cake-Wreck." I think it's more than appropriate.

John Jr. said...

Gordon Bennett! You missed a nice opportunity for one of my favorite bits of British terminology. Rather than "speed bump," you could have said: "This poor sod's not only hit the sleeping policeman of the century..."

asthehind said...

John -
Oh yes. To have a 'little bit of how's your father' means to have sex. It's an older phrase that's most common in comedies like the Carry On films, but it still keeps its meaning!

Forest Basenji said...

"All fur coat and no knickers"....FTW!

Thank you Jen & John, I have a new phrase to add to my lexicon. I'll be the only person in South Dakota using the word 'knickers' in a phrase.

Karen said...

Methinks John would love you to greet him after a long day wearing a fur coat and no knickers!

WV: proluork - I visit this site daily but don't post much. I guess that makes me a proluork-er.

Michelle S. said...

Put up some wrecktastic puddings and Bob's Your Uncle!

Melissa (& Billy) said...

I once had a book about Spanish slang, and they said "To over-use is to sound really silly so use as you do in English--so it sounds natural."

That being said, this post was hilarious. XD

Talk about your literal wrecks! Mmm, nothing says "Happy Birthday" like a re-enactment of "Red Asphalt".

Katzilla said...

I like the UK lingo, but, where did you find those phrases? I've never heard half of them, and I'm from the UK!
Love the cakes though, who wants a car-crash cake?!

Christina said...

Bloody 'ell, overkill, mate!

WV: maligne: These festive birthday cakes has been maligned by tragedy.

Melissa said...

Heh. I understood your slang! I'm an American too - so at least the American idea of Brit slang is consistent, even if it's all wrong!

That said, those cakes look pants.

capri-chan said...

For today, I think I'll call this the "Bangers & Mash Cake."

You have no idea how hard that made me laugh.

Seriously, I...wow. XD

I always was a sucker for bad puns, but that one takes the cake. (Pun not intended, but fully endorsed.)

h4yleyg said...

Arrrrrgh the faux British slang hurts my eyes and delicate English sensibilities! I know it's a joke but I can't help but twitch with rage that less than a quarter of those expressions are actually even used!

Amy said...

Oh, right bloody good, that!

What, per say is it with the motor-vehicle wrecks and birthdays? Just curious, I am.

~Amy B.

Keeley said...

@anon9:51--say it out loud with me: ate, ate, oh ate.

The guy got ate by the green spiders.

diddleymaz said...

Oh dear, were did those slang tips come from?
Most are unheard by me.Im a 49 year old english woman by the way.
Its a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.An expression that is said rarely unless your me,i use it all the time because my family are hopeless at asking for things.I say what would you like and they say Dunno. so I list options always ending with How about a poke in the eye etc and " or a kick up the backside?"
You might as well add Gor' blimey Gov' its a fair cop.Not.
Try Chav for begginers or Wenglish!
Not bad wreckage though! Talk tidy like man!!, mun.

Leesa Perrie said...

I laughed at the slang as much as the cakes!!! Right smashing it were!! Though I'm grateful for the index - there were a few phrases I wasn't sure of!! *bg*

Leesa
- born and brung up in the UK

Melissa said...

Laughing harder at your commentary today than I have since my first Dave Barry column eons ago.

Dorian said...

Heh. Loved the faux-Brit commentary. Made me laugh.

On an unrelated note, my verification word today was 'fluffin'. Rofl.

Sandee said...

hilarious. great post.

Anonymous said...

Was this post from 1860? Your British slang is almost Dickensian.

Sandee said...

also love the mormon.org banner at the top of your site. rock on!!!

sandee

Anonymous said...

I was OMG shocked when I came to cakewrecks today. My hubby and I got into a bad motorcycle crash on Saturday. We wrecked our new white (police edition) harley. I came on here to take my mind off of it. lol! Anyways, the cake is a horrific reminder of my wreck, being airlifted to the hospital, surgery, and follow up of the months to come. yikes.

accidentally, kle said...

lol that was quite impressive, i have to say. downright hilarious too :P i'm sure you deserve to be an honorary Brit for a day!

Karen said...

Blimey, it's the Ministry of Silly (Cake) Walks. Very wonky cakes, these. I'm shivering in my trainers. Put all of them in the bin.

WV: Mulfin. (I prefer blueberry.)

SiressYorkie said...

I'm an American who spent the last nine years in England (North Yorkshire), and did I ever pick up some turns of phrase.

This one, though, is my fave:

"This lot couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery."

You can also use "pants" for a lot of things. If something's lame or useless or just plain annoying..."that's pants". If someone's bad at something..."You're pants at that, lovey."

"Shirty" means uppity. "No need to get shirty, sunshine...keep yer knickers on."

"Cream crackered" and "knackered" mean the same thing...tired.

Two nations separated by a common tongue. Oi!

JMo said...

This cakes are a riot! Such a clever idea and the cockney accent just sets off the post. Nicely done. I am doing a tribute to our service men and women on my blog. If anyone has recipes created by Firemen/Police Officers/ or EMTs I would love to post in an effort to honor them as we approach 9/11. Please let me know.
Thanks!
www.justchowbella.com

lpieters said...

lived in the UK for 5 years. got most except the one about a bottle of chips. chips being french fries and all...

Nick said...

Lol . . . I can imagine how the Brits are feeling, since I have to deal with people's misconceptions about the Texas accent all the time. I used to have a HUGE crush on Dick Van Dyke, btw, so extra love for this entry because of that. :)

Kar said...

Easily one of the funniest Wreck posts I've read in a while.

Alice said...

I really love your blog but this is the worst lot of British slang I have ever heard!

I'm British and the only people I hear talk like this are cockneys and builders! I blame Dick van Dyke! :)

And it's bent as a two bob note. Not, bent as a bottle of chips. That one puzzled me the most!
x

Ceili said...

All this post was missing was the town bicycle knocked up by the local fancy man standing up proud and cream crackered, know what I mean, wink, wink, say no more. say no more.

AllBlueZoo said...

I'm gonna start using "Bob's your uncle!" in my everyday speak and see what happens.

Dalek V said...

Jen,
I love ya girl but that was painful.

Little Lovables said...

I feel sorry for the poor blokes who get these cakes!

I really like the second one though, nicely done! Which, we just took the boys on a field trip to the firestation today, so there are people who would like these themes !

john (the hubby of JEN) said...

Dalek V,

Really? Huh...

john

Anonymous said...

I'm British and have never heard of half the terms you use. Cor Blimey mate, Dick Van Dyke aint arf gort a lot to answer for.

Hospital workers here call motor bike riders 'organ-donors-on-wheels'.

Goof said...

What? No smeg ups in the spelling?
And all these cake "wrecks" makes me remember the song "What a beautiful wreck you are" That could be a fitting slogan on one of those cakes. lol


((((HUGS))))

Just Me,Pilgrim said...

I used to want to travel to Europe with a backpack and get all culture-y, but now I've changed my mind. I wouldn't have a clue as to what people were saying.

Thanks bunches :)

The Honorable Mayor of Bethville said...

Well, this almost helps me fulfill my lifelong dream of a Smokey and the Bandit cake.

ksaldria said...

I love the Brit Slang to Ruddy Yank translator :D

MoralesVilanova said...

Seems delicious for me! :o)

terri s said...

my first thought was that these cakes leave me gobsmacked!...but others have said this already.

can't wait to see you in Maryland!

cheerio!

Jenny said...

Sorry! I love your posts and I adore your blog so please don't think I'm flaming but I just had to look at the Wrecky pictures today because the 'British' slang set off my twitch.
That was all rather odd posh English/ outdated Cockney. Not a single person I've ever met talks like that. There was no Scouse, or Geordie, or Scot, or Welsh...
I found it a bit hard to stomach xD

But giddy-up, gee, golly-gosh wow, dude, yeehah! Those certain'y were some mighty fine wrecks today! Yankee-doodle doo!

A British, and also English, Wreck Fan x

Anonymous said...

Hi Jen! Just wanted to say thanks for giving me laughter and smiles everyday. I'm over in 'Middle Earth' (New Zealand), so with the time delay and all, I open my computer to a new Wreckie post every morning, and everyday it is fantastic!

Also, I really hope that you have a great time on your book tour, and have fun meeting the hundreds of new friends you have face to face. :D

Fellow Geek and CCC avoider - Kate LamSam

MorningStar said...

I have lived in England all my life and I've never heard anybody talk like that! The idea that every British person talks like either a cockney or Lord somebody-or-other is slightly annoying, and seems to be perpetuated by every American TV show going...
Other than that, the cakes were hilarious!

sendingtheclowns said...

I can SEE where there might resonably be an accident in the third cake~~What ho! There are all of those giant white slugs slimping along in every direction, and no traffic lights whatever!
Then (in the last cake), there's your so-called RESCUE heli poking its blade straight through the window of the rescue bus; bloody ridiculous, what? Perhaps it's just a drill...
>^@@^<

Katelin said...

Fantastic post!! It's luvverly to 'ear a bit 'o proper British on teh interwebs ;)

(Although I personally would say 'better than a poke in the eye with a pointy stick'.)

Oh yeah, the cakes...
Hmm, traffic accidents + cake = birthday fun??! Really?

Nikki said...

As usually, absolutely hilarious, commentary and all!

And for the gripers: Let's just take the commentary as the American version of British slang and let it go at that, hmm?

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

To Jenny and Morningstar,

I would argue that the slang is perpetuated more by British folks than by Americans. Jen and I read books like Jeeves and Wooster and Harry Potter which are both sprinkled with bits of slang, old and new. And it should be noted that most of the slang used in today's post was taken directly from www.peevish.co.uk which I believe is a British site.

That said, Jen and I know full well that most of our fine British friends speak nothing like this. It's all in fun.

So y'all come back now, y'hear? And don't chu dilly dally neither.

Yours,

john

Lauren said...

so am i the only one that thinks these cakes are taking the "cake wrecks" idea quite literally?

Anonymous said...

where is my favorite "tiggityboo" ?

Shiny Volvo Owner said...

Omg that actually made me cry with laughter. And we normal English folk don't use that slang (anymore that is)
It's mainly the cockney's (The people from London :P) who use alot of that slang :P
Thank you so much for making my day tons better!

Alice said...

Oh I'm at HOME now! Thanks for including us brits - brilliant use of the lingo!

TB Tabby said...

Today's also the day that The Beatles Rock Band is released. Does anybody have any Wrecks involving the Fab Four?

joyce said...

when my three boys were little, they would have LOVED those cakes. They used to run their matchbox cars over the cookie dough so that the gingerbread man looked like roadkill.

eeyore19 said...

My grandmother was from England, so I got (and loved) most of the slang you used. I have a bunch of fives for anyone who's complaining and doesn't realize it was all in good fun.

WV: oalex. What Elise Keaton said to her son all the time.

Celeste said...

I feel like you got a lot of your slang from watching Doctor Who...and I respect that.

peewee said...

whoa! That was like being in french class all over again. Like, it was homework. That post was WORK! Good. Now I don't have to go to the gym.

Emma (a slightly odd Brit) said...

Anon, it's "tickety-boo", although I've heard "that's the ticket" more, and they're supposedly related.

Thanks Jen, I had a good giggle at that. Needed the translation at points too, but then I need the same sometimes for my fellow countrymen (and women)!

Do Americans use the phrase "takes the cake" or "takes the biscuit"? For example: "winning that sports car just takes the cake" means "winning that sports car is the best thing ever". It means being the best at something or that something is the best. The opposite of "takes the piss" basically.

Nil Zed said...

it's a right good post, innit?

Jennfer said...

your new format is awful. I can't change the text size so that I can read anything. Change it back please so this lady with the coke bottle glasses can read it again!!!!

Andrea B said...

awright treacle! how's it hanging me old mukka? john bruv, your missis is proper funny innit!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
i've read your blog for ages now and never felt such an urge to comment. But being English and living in south london, i think that was knicker-wettingly funny! i've heard all those phrases used - 'cept for the bottle of chips one - in genuine conversation!
i reckon you should try a bit of the ole cockney rhyming slang, i think you'd get it bang-on!

we took the bait said...

I think we should all be thankful that no one at these bakeries had access to gel icing and red food coloring.

Kristen said...

You know you're a dork when you read the post in your head with a British accent ;)

TomLehrerLover said...

whoa boy. as a brit myself, i'm not sure whether to feel amused, ashamed, or irritated. all of the above, perhaps? ruddy yanks indeed! ;)

Liz said...

This is a funny wreck topic. Kinda strange, this "Holiday" and all. I like the cakes though -

Also - lovin' the new look. (Yes, I've been away awhile).

Anonymous said...

Of course there were all those accidents! No traffic lights, no stop signs - those were collisions waiting to happen!

I couldn't help reading today's post with my "Jim Dale" voice (he narrates all the "Harry Potter" audiobooks, and I've listened to each of them at least a dozen times while I'm at work). Classic lexicon today, Jen.

Jeff Hickmott said...

We don't all talk like we just walked off the set of Mary Poppins, y'know. Some of us are quite well educated.
So stop taking the piss, gobshite.
(Just kidding! Love your stuff.)

Charlotte said...

I'm from the UK, love the blog, and I've heard all of them except 'bobby wagon' and 'bent as a bottle of chips' - it's 'bent as a nine-bob note' in my neck of the woods (since a nine-shilling note would obviously be a forgery). I've even used a few of your phrases, so they're not that unusual.

Fur coat and no knickers is generally used to cast aspersions on a woman's morals. 'All mouth and no trousers' might be more appropriate, meaning that bold claims aren't fulfilled. You can probably work out the derivation of that one yourself :)

Anyway, as they say in Bristol, those are gurt macky wrecks. Thanks for sharing.

eileen pennington said...

ahahahahaa

first time commenting i believe..though i've been reading for a bit...

enjoyed the cakes and the slang..
but completely broke down laughing at tigerwolf's "song"

(because i recognized the stinkin' thing! lol)

bushel and a peck to y'all for such a great site.

Eileen

diddleymaz said...

Had to stick in my 'penorth again LOL its fun and banter,not griping.
Im not clecking on you ,Tidy mun,Chware a teg, Dim upset.
BUT Jeeves and Wooster? comedy stories written 50 years ago? by a comedy englishman who camped it up on purpose? as a guide to the UK?
Thats like using Mark Twain as a guidebook to USA now.or Amos and Andy.
And Engerlund Engerlund |Engerlund for the Cup! our girls playing the Krauts today 10.09.09 !!!

Chaotic Kerri said...

Just a quickie from over the pond -What kinda strange people are you getting your English slang from!!

Thought you might like to add a bit of "Scottish slang" to repertoire - "Fit like Min, Foos yer doos?" translation - "Hello there Sir/Madam, How are things with you?"
Thanks for a great site, our whole family finds it a riot. Kerri x

StuckInABook said...

I didn't know that so many of those expressions weren't used outside the UK... I'm proud to belong to a nation that routinely says 'better than a poke in the eye with a blunt stick'. But I've never met anyone who says 'bent as a bottle of chips' - though I hope to do so soon.

Anonymous said...

Please never, ever do that again, I've never read anything so painful.

- A Brit

Mort's Mom said...

Long time reader and first time commentator dragged out of the woodwork.
I'm a 50 mumble mumble woman from Shropshire UK. The vast majority of phrases you quoted were instantly recognisable, if not in those exact words, but certainly in words approximating.
Yes, no one but Bertie Wooster says "pip pip", the "Ickle bobby wagon" is a total mystery to me and "Fancy man jibber jabber" sounds like a chat up line from "1984" (the book, not the year). As to the rest, use any of them and you would be as one with both my family and my colleagues!
John, when hearing "Bob's your uncle" the usual response is "Fanny's your Aunt". Another regular greeting is "Ha do cocker - how's your mother off for soap?" meaning is all well in your world. Other than these date back to ITMA, a war time radio programme I can cast no light. I must live in some kind of dialectic bubble, but truly all these and many many more are in regular use. In the most commonly used word of praise in these parts, your blog and the discussions they prompt are all "bostin".

Guff said...

Another top post! But...

The cockney slang made my eyes sad, please don't do it again?

Abi said...

I always thought the phrase 'jibber-jabber' came from the A-Team. When I was at school, we often told each other to 'quit your jibber-jabber' in a Mr T voice. I've never heard of a 'bobby-wagon' either, as I always thought wagon was a word we got from the US, but bobby is the right term for the police. Our politicians often talk about putting 'more bobbies on the beat' as something they'll do if elected. Sadly this doesn't mean dancing police, but just getting the police out patrolling in public, rather than sat at the station doing paperwork. Telling someone that they're a 'right bobby dazzler' is something completely different though (and is a compliment).

The Doctor said...

Don't... just, don't.

Stephanie said...

I knew having some British friends would come in handy someday; didn't have to use the lexicon for most of those. ;)
That was funny. Definitely very literal cake wrecks. :)

Marjorie said...

HehHeh, glad to see we Brits can hold our own in wreckiness stakes. I've got a birthday coming up soon - maybe I should ask for a road-accident cake?

We don't have an official emergency services day. Perhaps we should.

I assume you went to the Dick van Dyke school of English Idiom & Slang.....

I've never heard the expression 'bent as a bottle of chips' - normally it would be 'bent as a nine-bob (or £3, for the post-decimal generations) note'

Your affectionate neighbour

cannwin said...

all those coloquials (ooh, how do you spell that word?) make me think of Harry Potter when Tonks keeps saying 'Wotcher 'arry' and I had to go online to figure out what the heck 'wotcher' meant.

Anonymous said...

'''Sa right shame, tha' is. The date's quite fitting, though, innit? Pip pip!''

Congrats on knowing british slang from every class/era/location and then mashing them together into one beautiful sentence... made me laugh out loud!!

Nice one, bruv ;)

Anonymous said...

Fancy man jibber jabber? we do not either say that.
Where did you get all that gaff?
Sort it out luv!

I'm well insulted.

Holly Wilcox said...

LOL! Good attempt at the British slang... but I think it's a few decades old!! I'm British and had to look at your translations hehe!!

Arwen said...

Reading this entry made me cringe so hard. Please don't do that ever again.

Jen Huddleston said...

Pip pip, cheerio, Harry Potter!

You are crackin' on this one, you are... I mean, you are the dog's bollocks!

Thanks for the London funny,

Jen

www.drewandjengotolondon.com

TomLehrerLover said...

@The Doctor and @ Some Frood
Oh my god, I LOVE finding fellow geeks! Doctor, don't think I missed your Midnight reference, either! :D
oh, and i definitely recognize 'bobby wagon'. dunno what folks in the other commenters' areas are talking about.

Anonymous said...

Did they create these cakes just to be on the 'wreck' blog? Or is this where you got the inspiration for your blog name?

LOL I can't even imagine a place where a wreck would be appropriate for birthday wishes...

EdinaCake-Eater said...

I need a settler (translation: stomach antacid tablet) after seeing those.

Thanks for trying to put cakes to right, from a Britophile stuck in the northern US (with only Canadian English as a meagre substitute).

Anonymous said...

just to let u know its
bent as a nine bob note
lol as in there is no nine bob note

Anonymous said...

your British slang was hilarious, i think we should see this used in more posts!

Casey said...

Cor blimey guvna, I larfed like a drain!

Now can anyone confirm, to be a true Cockney you have to be born with bow legs?

goldenecho said...

My 4 year old says about this post "All those cars in the picture fell down!"

Sullivan013 said...

Actually the phrase "Bob's your uncle!" has its origin in British Military slang. Its original meaning was more akin to 'you have nothing to worry about' rather than 'there you have it.' It refers to Lord Roberts, a famous Victorian soldier and eventual Field Marshall and commander of all British Forces (until 1904).

His nickname to his troops was 'Bobs' and his favor meant the making of a career as his word was golden in the social circles of the day.

Hence, 'Bob's your uncle' = 'No worries'.

Sullivan013

The Quirky Confectioner said...

He he - I love this post, but your British slang is all London, Mareee Pawpinns.
Yorkshire slang is much more creative. For example you could denfinately describe some cake wrecks as "looking like a bucket of smashed crabs". We also call a mouth a "Cake hole" :-)

laurie pink said...

I've scanned the comments, so do forgive me if I'm posting something that's already been said, but the only way I've ever heard "All fur coat & no knickers" used is to mean "looks classy, but is actually a bit of a dirty ho"

And, for the anonymous commenter - your fave phrase is actually "Tickety-boo", like a nice tick-tock clock working right. Sounds the same as "tiggerty boo", but at least you'll know what you're saying! ;)

It is an excellent phrase, I agree.

I've never ever heard or seen the 'bent as a bottle of chips' phrase, but it make sense, as chips come a bottle, do they? They come in a nice paper parcel.

My eyes are also bleeding, but gor' bless ya, I loves you too much to care.

Craig 'Anthony' ;-) said...

I want to commend you on your correct usage of the English phrases! Though, I don't believe I've ever heard anyone use 'Pip Pip' in conversation, only Americans thinking they are speaking "Briddish" ;-)

Anonymous said...

Cockney Rhyming Slang - Instead of "Ruddy Yanks" it's "Septic Tanks". Septic for short ;P

Self said...

I'm british and I was laughing so much at this post. I love America's perception of us. I also have NO idea what a bent bottle of chips is so thanks for the key at the bottom!

Anonymous said...

Straight up is a new one on me as British slang, I admit.

Paldasan said...

Shouldn't Ruddy Yanks = United Statians?
I've never heard it used in reference to Canadians, Mexians, Chileans, Brazilians etc.

:-)

Anonymous said...

With reference to your 'British Slang' - the phrase is 'Bent as a none bob note', referring to pre-decimalised currency of pounds shillings and pence - when a shilling was referred to as a 'bob' and clearly a none shilling note would have been a blatant forgery.

Happiefaerie, UK

Anonymous said...

Sorry - it's also a Paddy Wagon, not a Bobby Wagon. The Bobby is the policeman (from Robert Peel who is credited with 'inventing' the police force) and the black vans that they usde to drive were commonly called Black Maria's or Paddy Wagon (as in used to transport the Irish).

Anonymous said...

haha, your british accent was a true frankensteins monster of all sorts of diferent british accents! This idea that you Yanks seem to have about their actually being A british accent (like there is only one) cracks me up. :P There are actually dozens if not hundreds of wildly varying british accents. It always makes me laugh watching tv shows on the internet made with actors that have various northern accents like brummie or east yorkshire, because the amount of people thinking that the shows aren't made by the british (according to the comments) is amazing. The most internationally known and understood accents tend to be southern british accents, the many London accents in particular.
From a Grimbarian, (not many brits know of that accent, mostly because we are over-shadowed by the ridiculousness of the nearby Hullites, no offense to Hullites intended, I know you make fun of Grimbarians and Cleethespians too, and everyone likes to gang up on Louth anyway!) ;P