As of today, the Red Sox and the Rangers are tied for the AL Wild Card lead. ("Uh-huh, and...?") St. Louis catcher Jason LaRue got a hit off of Billingsley in the ninth inning, and pinch-hitter Joe Thurston doubled down the right field line to set up the top of the Cardinals' lineup. (Y'all following this?)
Then the Mets did something, the Cubs did something, and I began to zone out, wishing I had some Twizzlers and thinking how dumb it is that LOST has such a long hiatus.
But I'm aware that many folks are rabid baseball fans, so today's post is for you! (See? I do care.)
I've often thought the game could use a little girling up. I mean, why don't they use giant roses for bases? Or incorporate a little pink and robin's egg blue? Next time you're at a game, be sure to ask.
Also be sure to suggest - loudly and to anyone in earshot - that the whole diamond setup is stupid. Wonky ovals are way better.
Now flag down the sweaty guy with the tray o' beers, fork over your seven dollars for another one, and check out the pop fly ball that's heading straight for your head. In your inebriated state, it might look something like this:
Fortunately, though, anyone who's recently suffered a stunning blow to the head qualifies as an honorary Wreckerator! So quick, before your senses return, decorate a cake!
Ashley P., Dawn B., Dan M. and Lori R., "your out!"
- Related Wreckage: Why We Need More Male Cake Decorators