Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Buyer's Remorse

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Well, ladies, you did it: You've said your vows, the birdseed has been thrown, and now you're ready to hit the reception, do a little Mambo #5 (sure that fad is over, but you like it, dang it), and celebrate with your very own Prince Charming.

[music swelling] I'm talking about the guy of your dreams, the man who swept you off your feet with his suave good looks, his impeccable taste, and his...ah...

[music screeching to a halt] ...closet alcoholism?

Yep, sorry to break it to you, girls, but some of you are going to learn a lot more about your new hubby than you wanted to at your wedding reception, all thanks to his grooms cake.

Like the fact that not only does he enjoy hunting - that you could deal with - but that he also believes plastering a photo of himself with his latest "kill" on a cake surrounded by real shotgun shells is wedding-appropriate.

[tears welling up] Aw, don't they look happy together? Mr. Romance here really knows the way to a girl's heart, doesn't he? (Through the ribcage with an M-16.)


You could also learn he has a mildly-alarming obsession with the show "Golden Girls":

(Note: that's supposed to be Sofia in his lap, not a twisted granny-version of a blow-up doll.)

And of course every bride finds this kind of humor absolutely hysterical on her wedding day:

Feel the love.


Serena M., Amanda, Christel P., & Morgan G., that grave cake could really make a person blue. At least his/her tongue, anyway.


- Related Wreckage: When Men Design Their Own Cakes
Taylor (My Older Brothers) said...

If it didn't say "Golden Girls" on there, I would have assumed that was one of those divorce cakes. Or maybe the "He's Cheating" cake. Yikes.

Fluffy Cow said...

This would be why there was no groom's cake at our wedding.

Seriously, dead animals at a wedding?
*sigh*

Anonymous said...

All I could think of was how dirty the beer caps, beer can, and shotgun shells were. That is disgusting!-Rebecca

Kaelen said...

*Does first comment dance.*

Haha, loved the beer cake. So romantic.
Wonder what the wedding night was like?

Fanboy Wife said...

I bet the 3rd one down was exactly how the bride looked when she saw that cake!

Karen said...

That beer cake is disturbing.

diddleymaz said...

The chocolate basket cake with dipped strawberries looks so nice apart from the cartridges and photo! A Classic.

Anonymous said...

My first instinct was that "Sophia" was supposed to be an old lady version of a blow-up doll.

Thanks for clearing that up...only slightly less creepy now...maybe...?

Wide Awake Wife said...

I totally thought that was a blow up doll on the 3rd cake!!

mysleepinghusband.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

The drippings on the beer cake, the cloudy chocolate on the strawberries, and the giant mound of poo are all very unappetizing.

I am diggin the little tuxedos on the other strawberries though. I could do without the constipated bride......

Becky

Jeffrey said...

The red flag in cake #1 is not the groom's rampant alcoholism but his taste in said alcohol. We currently have four bottles of Bud Light in the fridge, waiting to be consumed by the wife and/or future company. And they're welcome to 'em.

A groom obsessed with The Golden Girls? I smell counseling in the distance. I mean, yeah, it was a good show...but a groom's cake? What's next: a Designing Women CCC?

Anonymous said...

The beer cake is actually rather well executed, in my opinion. Classless, yes, but well executed. It could be kind of funny in some situations (a 21st birthday perhaps?) but yeah...not a wedding. I also like that it's Bud Light...classy! I guess the bride should just count her blessings he isn't into Schlitz or Old Milwaukee or something.

Sadly, I know a number of people who I hope never see this cake (at least before they are married.) Mostly old high school classmates.

beautifulmonday said...

random note: LOVE the tuxedo strawberries!

Auntie Meme said...

Basket cake??? Ohhhhhh....I thought you said basketcase.

Carrie said...

Now I have Mambo #5 stuck in my head...

Rickie said...

It's one thing to be into beer - but Bud Light? That's not beer. I'd be totally on board with a groom's cake celebrating REALLY GREAT BEER, but Bud Light? Yeah, I'd be seeking an annulment.

Lydia said...

Traditionally, the bride is supposed to order the groom's cake as a surprise to the groom, which is why they usually feature his hobbies.

That makes these wrecks even more disturbing -- the idea that maybe the BRIDES ordered them!

DNfromMN said...

I thought it was supposed to be a flight attendant in the groom's lap.

And ladies, if your husband is a Golden Girls fan, you might want to check your gaydar before getting married to him.

Elizabeth said...

cake #3: strawberries! wearing tuxes! has anyone noticed that this is ADORABLE!?

Arby said...

I couldn't see "The Golden Girls." I thought it was the "He's a Momma's Boy!" cake.

Melanie said...

The strawberries in tuxedos are pretty darn cute. Even if the rest of the cake is creepy.

Angie said...

Wrong. Just wrong.

Jean said...

Golden Girls for a grooms cake is the most disturbing thing for a cake ever! That and the Stalin cake of course.
To each his own I guess...

Taylor (My Older Brothers) said...

Why can't anyone on the Golden Girls cake bend their knees? At least I know the decorative couple on the couch looks as uncomfortable as the cake makes me feel.


myolderbrothers.blogspot.com

Anna said...

All I can really say is "wow... really?" to these.

Love your site - read it daily!

Anonymous said...

Wow. The beer cake is quite special. I can't believe that anyone could love Bud Light THAT much. They should have topped this piece of class with a beer bong. The thing probably belongs in the white trash hall of fame(or shame...)!

Half Assed Kitchen said...

They could've at least used Heineken.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

Mandy said...

LMAO at the blow-up Sofia doll!

On an unrelated note, I really dig those strawberries in a tux!

Joan said...

Another thumbs up for the cute little tuxedo-ed strawberries. WANTWANTWANT!!!

Lulubelle B said...

I love the juxaposition of the shotgun shells nestled amongst the chocolate-dipped strawberries. How romantic!!

wv: banesked
I'm glad the Sophia doll is fully clothed instead of sitting banesked in the groom's lap.

A Paperback Writer said...

Is it just me or do ALL those chocolate strawberries look like animal droppings? I guess that's "appropriate" -- or at least keeping with the theme -- on the Mr. Macho Hunter Man cake, but it's even weirder on the other one.

Rose said...

I just can't help it now. Be it donut or ice cream shops, supermarkets or bakeries, I am looking for cakewrecks! I LOVE this site!

Rose

http://roseintheslowlane.blogspot.com

Emily said...

"Thank you for being a friend" takes on new meaning, eh? Gaydar check, indeed!

I'll have a slice of the cake dripping crappy American beer, thanks... *shudder*

Bride, upon seeing hunting cake: Man, I thought I threw all that brass out!

famousamy said...

Wow.. that Golden Girls cake is just the scariest thing I've ever seen in cake form (especially considering it's a groom's cake). That poor bride..


WV: problens (no kidding!) - That groom's got major problens!

Carrie Penny said...

This is reason 476 I am glad we eloped.. Granted my husbands cake most likely would have the a horribly funny Star Trek cake (that can be fogiven if it is a good cake)

bodoba said...

Are you ABSOLUTELY positive that's a golden girl obsession? I'm just saying that I think I saw a blow up hole on the arm....

Lauren said...

I was the MOH in a wedding where the groom's cake was a mounted deer HEAD, complete with oozing red velvet cake inside. Can you say GROSS?

Susan said...

I'm with Lydia on this one. The groom's cake is typically a gift from the bride (and often a surprise), so the guys don't get the blame here.

deckardcanine said...

Obviously the second cake is for a shotgun wedding. The photo means to say, "You are very deer to me."

As for the last cake, it's true he's no longer a bachelor, but do you really want to emphasize the ending over the new beginning?

Sharon said...

The beer cake would be a great birthday cake, but as a groom cake seems really redneck.

I just don't get these deer hunting theme weddings.

I like the Golden Girls cake. It's fun to look at. I don't see why Sophia isn't in sitting position like the groom tho.

That last cake would be a wreck even if it wasn't a groom cake. Does it have a bottleneck, a squashed spot or is that suppose to be a tombstone?

Kristie said...

Wow. Just Wow.

Who could've ever thought that "the cake that started it all" way back when would lead us to cakes like the ones posted here today. Mere ignorance and spelling mistakes (such as "under neat that" or "it's a gril" etc.)are FAR less scary than the personalities that are reflected in these cakes.

Beer caps, and gun shells, and Sophia[!?]... OH MY!!

Lily said...

Rickie, I completely agree, I'd allow a beer groom cake, but definitely not one celebrating that much love for Bud Light.

V. Nicharico said...

I love the combination of shotgun shells and chocolate covered strawberries. That just screams romance.

L. Hakron said...

Not sure why everybody loves the tuxedo strawberries so much. They look disturbingly like little dismembered torsos, with the uncoated tops looking all bloody. But maybe it's because I'm not wearing my glasses...

GrayRat said...

I guess I'm the only one concerned about the choking hazard presented by all those beer caps on cake #1. Especially if that quantity of 'beer' (yeah, I wouldn't drink Bud Light on a dare) had been consumed before cutting the cake.

HorribleLicensePlates said...

Now if that cake was beer flavored, I might be impressed (make that, I might be puking later)

frigglesnitz said...

I am wondering where they got the bottle caps for the "I-was-drunk-when-I-asked-her" cake. Did the wreckorater drink them before decorating it? Would explain it.

wv-barking. Wow, a real word!

Jeffrey said...

"I don't see why Sophia isn't in sitting position like the groom tho."

Wasn't Estelle Getty an occasional presenter on Sit and Be Fit? At the very least, I know I saw her on TV extolling its virtues in the '90s. So a sitting position would be apropos.

Alisa Knits! said...

Aww, I think the Death of a Bachelor cake is really cute!

el-staplador said...

I'm so glad that this is not a custom that has made it over this side of the Pond.

M.Bouchard said...

Our groom's cake was covered with ninjas. Totally awesome.

Plush said...

does anyone remember the groom on Ace of Cakes whose favourite movie was Steel Magnolias. Ugh

kev said...

What's with Grooms Cakes? I'd never heard of such a thing before this year. I didn't have one. My major concern, one that I shared with many of our guests, was that there was cake. Not how it was decorated, not that I had my very own special cake.

I think the whole grooms cake thing is a scam to sell more cake.

Carlie said...

Did you see the adorable little strawberries wearing suits on the "Golden Girls" one though?

H.F. said...

Is it bad that I might want the beer cake for my hubby-to-be at our wedding? Maybe just not so wreck-i-licious- I mean the beer dripping down the cake isn't necessary... or appetizing, but boy does my boy love Tecate....

Melissa (& Billy) said...

Oh, Lord have mercy. It just gets wreckier and wreckier. And it might just be me, but I wouldn't want shotgun shells or (unless they're made out of gum paste) on anything edible. Mmm, cake with a side of lead poisoning. That's romance!

And I'm sorry, it looks like a blow-up Golden Girl. Either that, or poor Sofia met her Maker and is in the throes of rigor mortis. Creeeepy. I'd think twice about marrying that one.

luna said...

as a confirmed bachelor(ette)...i *adore* the last cake!!

Erika said...

Those shotgun shells deserve to be chocolate-dipped, too!

Cakey Goodness said...

Um, what's up with Sofia's stockings?

And someone decided that the bride should look mad. On a cake, served at her wedding. Yeah, she's mad.

Jennifer Blattner said...

So the Bud Light cake is my husbands dream cake. Thanks for that one, now, it's on the top of the list for his next birthday! :)

Ellie said...

Is it wrong of me to like the beer cake? I mean, using the cans as a stand and so tastefully laying out the caps is just artful. But the hunting cake--who really wants to eat a dead Bambi cake?? Venison stew is one thing, but chocolate cake? And what's with the sick blue swag?

Karen said...

As long as there was a suitable and lovely wedding cake, I could handle the beer one, just make sure any children don't choke on a bottle cap. Even "Golden Girls" although it's a little weird. But the other two...hmmmmmm.

Amanda M. said...

I think the "death of a bachelor" one could be cute - if it didn't look like poo swirls surrounded by tidy-bowl blue.

maybe if it was just a tombstone shaped cake with the inscription... I think it's pretty funny.

wv - requeste -- I can't believe a bride may have requeste'd a bud light cake!

I Love Baby Quilts! said...

I'm really, honestly trying to think of one thing in the Golden Girls show that would capture a man's attention for more than ten seconds. I can't. Maybe it was just a joke where she asked him who was on his celebrity cheat with list and he said Estelle Getty so she wouldn't get mad.

On the up side, that couch is very nicely executed in closeup.

Little Lovables said...

Oh My Goodness, these are all truly hilariousness at it's worst.

Hopefully, the brides had a sense of humor!

Amy said...

Are any of these guys still alive, or married? LOL

~Amy B

Jenniffer said...

Living and baking cakes in the South, we do A LOT of groom's cakes. Very few are surprises from the bride. The guys are really starting to get into designing their own grooms' cake as much as the brides' do the wedding cake. I would guess most of these were "male designed" (well, maybe not the Golden Girls cake!).

-Jenniffer
http://cupadeecakes.blogspot.com

peewee said...

well, I mean the CAKES weren't bad though?! I mean they belong more on wedding wrecks, cuz you know, they look executed (no pun) to perfection. no?

Lynn said...

The one with the couch is just confusing and wrong ( but kinda well done ! ) The others ? That is the point of Grooms cakes...keep it out of the spotlight and make him think he's really involved in the wedding, put it in a dark corner and hope not too many people see it !

Word verfication: comit

Jenna said...

I don't know about YOU, Jen, but if I were to find out that my husband has a closeted obsession with the Golden Girls I would be, well, GOLDEN!

Aimee said...

The chocolate covered strawberries on the hunting cake were a nice touch.

Scritzy said...

I've never seen a groom's cake at a wedding, only a rehearsal dinner (since the groom's parents usually host the rehearsal dinner).

In the case of these cakes, serving one of them at the rehearsal would give the bride a chance to call it off before it happens. ;)

Stalker v1.5 said...

Totally fawesome!

Nichole Loves Cake said...

These are all horrible. Well, the Golden Girls one wouldn't have been TOO bad if the old lady didn't look like a blow up doll. They really couldn't make that more realistic??

There is such thing as a great Groom's cake. I loved our's. My husband is obsessed with computers, so I got him a replica of his Dell. It wasn't perfect, but it was such a hit:

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=31131325&l=5dc1d05e9b&id=72001457

weekwaster said...

Seems like a quick way to ruin a special day.

MJ said...

The first one isn't too bad, actually. I've seen similar - I think it's a trend in Southern weddings. But the rest....yeesh. That Golden Girls one is just CREEEEEEEPY as hell.

Megan
www.adventuresofacarnivore.com

LoriMarie said...

My question is, why are Sophia's legs different colors? Did they run out of one color and just finish them off with what was left from the groom's figure?

Nibbles said...

Could someone clear up the groom cake thingy for me please?

As far as I know we don't have groom cakes in the UK yet but I am used to being exposed to them on my beloved cake wrecks.

Now I always presumed the bride ordered the groom cake but am I now to believe grooms order them themselves!? I cannot imagine what my spouse would come up with, how do bridezillas cope with the not knowing?

Please someone explain. Too lazy to google... :D

Joanna said...

All I could think was "Hey, .20-gauge! I've got one of those!"

Goof said...

LOL!!!! Those cakes are nightmarish! The beer cake probably would have been the one I would have ended up with if I was still with THAT guy. Good thing I broke that off when I did!

Thanks for the much needed laugh.

((((HUGS)))))

Although I did like the tuxedo dressed strawberries on one of them. Mmmmmmmm chocolate covered strawberries.

JoMama said...

We had a groom's cake, but it was classy (and yummy). That last cake not only is inappropriate for a wedding, but it also looks hideous and not very appetizing. Come to my wedding and eat a tombstone cake!! No thanks...

Isadari said...

The Golden Girls fetish... hilarious!!

Laura said...

i'm actually kinda digging that hunting cake. it's unique, and totally shows personality! and i'm sure they washed the casings before putting them on the cake. even as a lady, i wouldn't mind a cake with a firearms theme!

to M.Bouchard: ninjas on the cake! total awesomeness!

Becca said...

Wow. There are no words to describe the horror! LOL

Cakey Goodness said...

@ nibbles

I actually didn't know that groom's cakes weren't a worldwide tradition til I started following cake wrecks.

I'm not sure how it started, but groom's cakes are usually chocolate, so they offset the white cake, and of course, allow more cake. Chocolate covered strawberries are a common accessory.

Theme groom's cakes are a more modern occurance, I reckon to allow the groom to have something of his own. They tend to reflect the hobbies or interests of the groom.

Incidentally, Blue Bell (a fine Texas creamery) offers a Groom's Cake Ice Cream. I think a gallon should be kept on hand in case the cake is hideous!

Phoenyx said...

Oh my! I love all of these! They're hysterical to my twisted little mind. I only WISH we had thought to have a groom's cake at my wedding. Its not a tradition here in CA. I think it would have been an old car with a bunch of guys around it, under the hood, etc. That's my husband all over.

Honestly, if the bride can't have a sense of humor about the groom's cake, what's the marriage going to be like?

janet2buns said...

I'm with kev. I think groom's cakes are just a scam to squeeze even more money out of the event. I've certainly never heard of them before now.

Sigivald said...

What's wrong with shotgun shells, as long as they're either not actually on the food as such, or properly washed out?

And, uh, guys - it's a groom's cake.

It's not meant to be romantic.

That's what the wedding cake is for.

My best female friend got married in January, and her husband's groom's cake had the symbol of his WoW Clan. Groom's cake? Not about romantic sappy-happy.

Ana said...

I'm kind of fond of that grave cake, I must say. Not the execution, maybe, but to me it just seems like a silly cake the groom's friends gave him or something as joke. ..Which gives you a pretty good idea of what my guy friends' idea of a joke is.

Glory von Hathor said...

Hey - at least none of them featured a salmon handcuffs motif.

Mikewind Dale said...

I'm concerned about the lead from the shotgun shells getting into the strawberries.

Josh (the DMT) said...

Beer? Deer? Steer clear dear!

Josh

http://thedmt.blogspot.com

Bree said...

My brother is getting married in October, but as far as I know he's not having a groom's cake, just the regular tiered cake from our hometown bakery. I wouldn't even begin to wonder what would be on his!

Missie said...

On no planet can I envision the proper place, time, or occasion for a cake like the Golden Girls Wreck. Especially not after the taking of solemn vows of love, honor, and fidelty in front of God and witnesses.

Just sayin.

Anonymous said...

wow just wow

NYCGirl said...

(Gulps.) Um, the tuxedoed strawberries are cute...

holly said...

Ok, maybe it's just me and maybe just because I've been married for going on 25 years...but I think these cakes are hysterical and I'd have no problem with them. Are they fairly tacky and tasteless, sure. But so much of the wedding is what the bride wants that I'd have no problem with the groom having something of his choice, even if did give everyone a chuckle.

zuzu53 said...

Groom's cakes, I always assumed their purpose was to have some cake that actually tasted good at the wedding. Most of they weddings I've been to had your standard, it looks beautiful but tastes like shortening cakes and then there was the chocolaty goodness of the groom's cake. M-m-m . . . pass the milk.

Jessica said...

I like the last one... hehe

ardie said...

For having just gotten engaged YESTERDAY, you are not making me feel very confident in the whole marriage process....

~ardie

Anonymous said...

The worst offense on the Golden Girls cake is the lack of attention to detail. Any real fan would know that the girls' couch is made of wicker with a tropical print. It's NOT purple.

Valerie said...

I don't get where the groom's cake idea came from. I've never been to a wedding with one. WTF do you need 2 cakes for?

grey said...

The biggest issue of questionable taste here, in my opinion, is the choice of BUD LIGHT as the featured beer. My husband might have considered a Dogfish Head or Avery cake... perhaps even something so obvious as Guinness.

A Bud Light cake, however, would have been grounds for me to request premarital counseling... or at least an educational beer tasting

WV: hanth
"Hey Jim, yer my bess man and all, but git yer hanth off mah new wife, will ya, and go git me anudder Bud Light from the bar. *hic*"

C said...

Exactly why *I* chose the groom's cake.

Anonymous said...

Nibbles - If I had to guess, I'd say that a true Bridezilla would never allow her groom to select the groom's cake all on his own, without her approval and/or strict supervision.

That Golden Girls one, if it didn't say Golden Girls on it, I'd assume it was a not so subtle hint that the groom and his mommy were a bit too still tied at the apron strings for any sane wife's tastes. It looks like he's holding his (rather awkwardly stiff) mommy on his lap on the couch while the bride fumes. (And thank the Lord it's on a couch and not the honeymoon bed, I can totally see someone changing that couch to a bed for their cake.)

Dharmamama said...

I am really mystified by the Golden Girls cake. Does it say, "Sorry Sophia?" Why is the bride pissed off? Questions, questions...

Dea said...

EEEK! Ok, so glad grooms' cakes aren't a tradition where I'm from....

Breeanna "Ducky" Menendez said...

OMG...the shotgun shells....

Etiquette Bitch said...

okay the sofia cake looks like fisher price little people (whatever they're called) heads were used for the faces. yeah, creepy.

Country Cookin' Mama said...

My husband would have loved a groom's cake with a hunting theme! lol

Jenna said...

I agree with the posters above who said they'd be down with a beer cake, just not a Bud Light cake. You say it, sistahs!

I *still* don't get why the wedding cake, presumably decided on by the bride and maybe her mom, is supposed to look like some fancy Stepford nightmare, while the groom gets a 'fun' cake (and wrath be upon the bride who wants a fun cake, too!) Like the groom gets to celebrate his interests/hobbies but the bride doesn't have any, so she gets a generic "Wedding Cake".

Anyway, if it were a Gulden Draak cake, a Delerium Tremens cake, an Erdinger cake, a Heffeweisen cake, a Malheur 12% cake, a Bass Ale cake, a Karmeliet cake or a Floris Honey cake, I'd be totally on board! (Can you tell I have a taste for 'expensive and Belgian'?)

Not for the groom's cake, but for the wedding cake!

Sue said...

Sad to say, It's a good thing all my cousins are married (and other family members), or upon seeing the deer cake, they would have had it not as a grooms cake, but as the main cake! I could easily see that one being a hit back home.

But like I can talk...considering I had the Klingon Great Hall as a wedding cake... :)

And I totally agree with the last comment about that if it was a Gulden Draak cake, it would be awesome! Love that stuff!

Ann said...

Sarah eats so Todd must hunt. Where's the helicopter?

Tags said...

How considerate of them to put UFO landing lights on that last grave.

Ariane said...

I'd just like to say thank you, I now have some clue what on earth a groom's cake is.

FWIW, it's pretty common in Australia to have different cakes in different layers. ie edible cake.

I just think the grave cake really needed someone dancing on it.

The Girl said...

I thought the concept of the groom's cake was that the bride was supposed to do it as a surprise for the groom. That's certainly how ours went...

Alison said...

Mmmm. The first one is so classy.

KatjaMouse said...

I love this blog and have only discovered you a couple of weeks ago. I just found out, however, that the Groom's Cake at this wedding I'm going to in a couple of weeks will have a Steeler's theme. I'll report back...

Anonymous said...

I was at a wedding once and the groom's cake had a truck on it that looked as though it was stuck in mud and it said, "You are really stuck now, John."

DDog said...

As others have mentioned, I also love the tuxedo strawberries. Although in all likelihood if anyone requested those from someone else for themselves, the result would be a wreck. Sigh.

EmJ said...

Ok...I have to say, the third cake makes me think of the movie "The Producers...the couch is the same and the way the little old ladies look is right on...but I don't get it as a grooms cake.

Imaginary said...

Ladies, if you think your man may be considering something like this, it may be time to consider LESBIANISM! My life's never been better. +OO+

alloy1028 said...

I've got the perfect dress to go with that shotgun cake:

http://www.yardwear.net/blog/content/binary/camo-wedding%20dress.jpg

Anonymous said...

While the actual cake looks horrendous...I love the last 1! That's something that takes some real sense of humor, especially if the bride ordered it. :o0