Thursday, June 18, 2009

My Dad's Cake is More Insulting Than YOUR Dad's Cake

Thursday, June 18, 2009

This Sunday is the day we tell Dad what he means to us - hopefully in a complimentary kind of way. You know, like this:

"Before that you were utter crap, of course, but I'm trying to focus on the positive here. Ice cream?"


The important thing is to always be honest. For example, if your dad is a beer-swilling couch potato, you might try this model:

See, since the sign says "World's Greatest Sports Fan", there's no need to find anything positive to say about his parenting skills whatsoever. Score! (And if you're wondering why this design is on a green brick background and has a giant banana on it... so am I.)

For this next one, I think Brian M. said it best:

"Of all the Dads out there, you are one of them."

It's usually a safe bet to go with a simple "Happy Father's Day".

Well, I did say "usually".
And at least they remembered the "h". Heheh.

Oh, and check this out: I got the same Wreck from two different people!

Ah, I love my Wreckporters. What other blog has evil henchpersons of such tried and true dedication, I ask you - eh? That's right, NONE of 'em.


Noelle K., Mary V., Brianne, and Alea J., if there was a "Blog Reader's Day", I'd totally feel bad for not getting you a cake on that day.

- Related Wreckage: Passive Aggressive Cakes
Anonymous said...

"Happy Farther's Day" -- ha! Would have been an even better wreck if it said...


"Happy Farter's Day!"

*hehe! I'm so clever, I should be a pro-wreckerator!

KLB said...

What's with the banana on the floor of the "sports fan" dad's cake?

I'm shocked that you failed to mention that, Jen. Shocked.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I love how that last cake is in the display case sideways. :D

Cara said...

Haha! At least they remembered the "H"...hilarious.
Of all the people I know...you're 1 of them.
Someone tell me WHAT is UP with the banana...I mean, if you must include a food item a potato would at least make some sense.

VeggieT said...

I'm worried that the last cake is actually a decal on the glass! Telling their customers what they offer, that takes the term wreckerator to a whole new level... and office!

Anonymous said...

Do you know if that first one is actually a father's day cake? It could just be a 50th cake. Not that it makes it much better.

Stephanie said...

Hmm... maybe it's a good thing Father's Day cakes aren't big around here after all... Not that my dad wouldn't find some of those funny...

Aleesuhn_Muhree said...

Oh my god, this is awesome!

Minnie said...

I think that in light of Father's Day, "Happy Falker Sotherhood" is due for a rerun. I mean, it's perfect for the occasion!

Stacie said...

Happy Farther's Day Dad! Now go watch TV in the yard with your giant banana and randomly placed bushes. Wee Lov Yu Dade!

studiorose said...

You've completely misinterpreted that second cake. The dad, because of his sedentary, alcoholic lifestyle, has died and is currently in purgatory. Prison bars, their shadows darkening the background, condemn him to remain until he confesses (presumably to the banana) that he's been a terrible husband and father. After which, of course, he'll move on to Hell, where they serve only Chinese foot-binding cake.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, what is up with the banana? Anybody got anything? Me neither.

What part of the country pronounces the word Father "Farther", because apparently there is one since we have two wrecks stating it. Wherever it is, I'd love to know, so that I can stay away from it.

Anonymous said...

Um how come the Sports Fan's cake has mold growing under the banana?

Morgan the Muse said...

the banana is what throws me... I could almost make sense of it... but then it was gone.

Deray said...

We have to give credit to the creator of the first cake though, it was a long sentence and no misspellings, jajajajaja.

Was the banana supposed to be a living room carpet? maybe?

Kathleen in Canada said...

I think I'll just give my Dad flowers for Father's Day LOL.

I'm still trying to figure out why they decorated the banana (my brain bleeds trying to figure out why they put the banana there in the first place).

Anonymous said...

"Happy Farther's Day" MUST be in a Vermont bakery. The land of "soder" and "sofer" and "farthers."

Amy said...

The banana indicates how, when Dad gets up to get another beer, he's going to slip and fall and everyone can laugh..

Amy B

Jen said...

I was so distracted by the banana rug in front of the couch that I missed the green brick flooring. wow. That's a wreck so bad it distracts you from its other many faults.

Sho said...

I believe the "Happy Farther's Day" cake was caught in the last photo trying to slink away in shame...or perhaps off to a tryst with "Happy Falker Satherhood."

w.v. logges - Chaucer hathe found logges for his fyre.

Skye said...

Lol - it totally looks like a banana, but it's supposed to be a living room rug and the green bits are little tassels. I still can't figure out why the diagonal pattern on the cake though...

p said...

I'm with Deray: the banana's the edge of a circular yellow rug with attractive green tassels that the sofa's on top of, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

If that's supposed to be a floor made from green bricks, then they're the world's largest bricks! Proportionatly they're HUGE!! (I guess that's why they'd have an equally huge moldy banana covering part of the floor...)

TSFN said...

One Dad to rule them all,
One Dad to find them,
One Dad to bring them all
And send them to bed without any supper.

Soniayak said...

Just FYI- that "Sports Fan" cake is one I've made several times in the decorating biz. It's not a yellow banana- it's a rug- and apparently the wreckerator decided it should be an outdoor rug hence the weird green bushes added on to it. I can't really explain the brick background. Hmmm....

Shannon said...

There actually is a Blog Readers Appreciation Day... it's April 16th, so you missed it, but next year we will expect a cake!

Christy said...

I'm guessing the "Happy Farther's Day" ones come form the east coast more specifically the New England region. They have a habit of over compensating the fact that they drop the 'r' off the ends of words and then to make sure they have it right they add them in where they don't belong. See my linguistics studies paid off for something at least.

jackie31337 said...

That cake with the giant banana is so wonderfully absurd that I would like to believe they made it that weird on purpose.

WV: amello - I see they even made the banana amello yellow.

Alisa Knits! said...

It should be fairly obvious that the "banana" is in fact a rug that's partly covered by the couch. As for the green bits, however, I'm not sure, but my best bet is that it's plates of nachos he tossed away from him when he was full that have gotten moldy on the floor because his wife ran out on him for being such a lazy beer-swilling pig who throws nachos on the floor.

I read a lot into cakes.

Darla: Retro Ways said...

so funny I love the farthers day one.

Frigglesnitz said...

I think the "1 Dad" cake is for a Jamaican music lover: "One Dad, One Day, Let's get togetter and eat some cake!"

Melissa said...

I like the passive-agressiveness of the first cake - you're a great dad for an old fart.

And, the banana rug is... slippery? Happy Farthers!

Ingsh. The sound the couch-potato dad made after slipping and falling on his banana-peel rug, and before passing out. Ingsh...

deckardcanine said...

The first one isn't all that wrecky. Maybe he wasn't a dad at all before the last half-century. Then they're not trying to make him feel old so much as accomplished. Being a great dad for 50 years is much harder than being just a dad that long.

The last cake reminds me of the pseudo-Dutch "farzher" pronunciation by Goldmember.

brossettelewis said...

The banana may be a innuendo of sorts?


Do you think if I ordered one that said "Happy Farthers Day" intentionally, they'd really do it? Let's be honest here, it's really the only day he gets away with it is on his special day.

GM said...

I had no clue that big yellow banana was supposed to be a rug. But if that's true, here's my question:

What's that brown oval thing directly under the couch?

The couch is on a brown oval. And the brown oval is on the banana rug. Is this supposed to be a rug on a rug? Did the decorator forget that s/he had already made one rug, and then make another one? More points for wreckiness.

Cara said...

Haha...
@ brossettelewis...you could try but they'd probably mess it up.

Alessandra said...

Too many farthers will be celebrating next sunday, anyway.

Jo-Anne said...

Couch potato Dad looks like he and his couch have been set a drift on yellow life raft in an algae tinged cement pond.

Anna Claire said...

Gooood point, GM! I was thinking the banana was a rug, too, but what's with the brown oval?

Stalker v1.5 said...

"Farther's" is so fawesome!!!

Belle Epoque said...

The couch potato banana dad comes with a souvenir...that's kinda cool.

Dea della Luna said...

I'm worried more about the awkward green tufts on the banana than the banana itself...what are they supposed to be?!

Charlotte said...

Maybe "Happy Farther's Day" is for the dad that goes the extra mile. Or maybe it's a subliminal message and the giver wants to get his/her dad farther away???

WV: mistedu

I'm gunna git you a speshul cake cause I mistedu sew much.

I'm Xan! I'm a person, I swear! said...

The banana thing is just truly, facinatingly absurd, so that's a nice, mind-stretching touch. But, tell me this; what's that flesh-colored splodge on the back of the couch, above his hand with the remote? His last pizza, picked and licked clean of all the toppings, and discarded (or saved for a later snack mood)?

jennifer said...

I think the second cake has great "a-peel" to many a Farther

Em said...

Well. My ex-husband had a banana reference. (Not as wrong as it sounds.) He was friends with all the people he knew in high school and they had some pretty odd referential things that made not a jot of sense to anyone outside their inner circle. I'm guessing this dad has the same thing?

(I even sent him, er my ex I mean, a banana-gram for his first father's day. You haven't lived until you've seen a full-grown man wearing a banana suit and singing Happy Father's Day. Really.)

Lynn said...

Oh, the poor Dad's that get these cakes...the couch potato one is so cheesy...I hate plastic junk all over cakes....everyone always fights over them and someone ends up crying in the process when they don't get the junk ! And then there is the whole issue of how much frosting they take away when you remove them from the cake...

Curse all phonetic spellers and ask them to turn in their decorating kits ASAP !

sendingtheclowns said...

Anonymous said...
"Happy Farther's Day" MUST be in a Vermont bakery. The land of "soder" and "sofer" and "farthers."
****************************
Hmmmm....I am a native Vermonter, and I don't talk like that!
I have heard others who DO, though;
I just assumed that they were from Joizy.

Alison said...

The banana rug cake.... maybe the cake is on the infield at Fenway... stripes from the lawnmower? and the "banana rug" is really supposed to he a jai-alai xistera (the thrower thingy)? Just grasping at straws, but I must admit, it's a wreck!

cgreyd said...

I would like to make note that, not unlike text messaging, the rules of grammar do not apply to cake wrecking:

"You've
Been a great
Father for the
Past half a
Century"

Just because those words came at the beginning of a line doesn't mean they have to be capitalized. I'm sorry, but it makes me laugh.

JennyKitten76 said...

Jen,

I resigned from my job today to go back to school full time - and I am very excited and a little scared! So, here I am at lunch looking for something to make me smile and as usual you came thru...except I laugh out loud and my (ex)co-workers must think I'm nuts, LOL.

Thanks!

Amy said...

Is there a Farter's Day and I didn't get a cake for it?

kmeghan said...

This wouldbe great for my dad! I couldn't spell 'father' for years, so he always teases me because I'd spell it 'Farther'. so that's what I address all his cards as to this day!

gocrazywithme said...

The "farther's day" cakes reminded me of a car commercial that was aired many years ago. The tag line was "go farther". The letters would fly into the center of the screen one at a time; G O F A R and so on. We happened to record a TV show that the commercial ran in, and found that by pausing the tape after the T had flown in, the screen said GO FART. My family and I are just childish enough to have found that hilarious, and replayed it many times. Thanks for recalling that memory!

WV: promishe; n.,vow made by an inebriated individual

AJ said...

Hey guys, I submitted the second Farther's day and it's was in Brooklyn. I went back a few days later and it was gone. The employee did come around to see what I was taking a photo of.

musicaldinotron said...

Just wanted to let you know...

I made my dad a Cakewrecks Fa(r)ther's Day card. It's got that "1 Dad" cake on the front, and on the inside it says, "Of all the Dads out there, you're one of them."

He liked it! <3

Anonymous said...

I have students (in college) that spell Father the SAME WAY... try reading a paper that says things like :...and her farther was kill in a drive shoot". Really, I couldn't make that up...

Eva Lilith said...

I... I think that the "sports fan" cake is a couch potato decoration put on top of an already failed Oz cake. That's supposed to be the yellow brick road, and the 'banana' is supposed to be the swirl where it starts... Seriously, I think someone just removed an oval-based figure of Dorothy, the Tin Man, the Scarecrow, and the Cowardly Lion, and stuck the couch there instead.

Anonymous said...

the banana is s'posed 2 b a rug

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