Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Celebrating the "Yes" with a bunch of "No"s

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

There are usually a lot of weddings in June, so I know you're getting sick of all those perfectly lovely wedding and engagement cakes by now, aren't you? [patting your hand] Well don't you worry, dear; that's what I'm here for.

First, fellas, take note: This is NOT how you do it.

"So I was picking up some salami, right? And I see this cupcake thing. Anyway, long story short, I figure, hey, it's cheaper than a real one, and I could go for some nosh right now anyway..."


Once the engagement is set, some couples like to celebrate by getting something big, shiny, and misspelled:


While others like adopting fun new aliases...


Some couples like to keep the guests guessing:

"So did they get their degree, or are they getting married?"
(Answer: getting married. Yes, really.)

Or freaking out the family with something that looks like it should come with a ransom note:

Aaaeeeeiii!!

"Pay up, Bub, or your fiance loses her other hand."


Hey, Paula T., Anony, Veronica, Amanda G., & Anony 2, [pointing with two fingers] engage.

(I've always wanted to do that.)


- Related Wreckage: Hey Nurse, Slip Me Some Tongue!
Flufy Cow said...

That disembodied hand is a little off. Er, alot off.

Ew.

Half Assed Kitchen said...

The hand cake! Argh. Though it is a well-done severed limb.

I so saw a cake for you yestertday. A badly done grill with plastic shish kabobs. If only I'd had my camera.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

tracyvanhorne said...

HOLY SNIKEYS! That last one is HILARIOUS! XD

Jor'dan said...

Holy crap. I vote no more engagement cakes. Ever.

Tsquared417 said...

I'm the first commenter...yippee!! The hand one is definitely freaky....don't think I'd want to eat that. I LOVE your blog...it makes me smile daily!!

Sarah said...

Bwaaahahaha! That creepy hand cake made me laugh out loud! As for that green cake - well, it's gobsmackingly awful. A most unappetizing colour.

LivingDeadNurse said...

holy crap that is creepy...

Auntie Meme said...

Marry Me or Else????

WV: kedge (v); to frost to a depth of 1 inch or more.
"Madge, be sure to kedge around the side of that CCC. We don't want them to know we built this from cupcakes."

Anonymous said...

That last cake looks like the future Mrs. Thing decided to take a page out of Chidi Ogbuta's bridezilla handbook.

Liz said...

You know what would make that hand oh so slightly less creepy?
Nail varnish.

Actually, thinking about it, NOTHING would make that hand less creepy!

VR said...

The last picture of the severed hand is one of the worst ideas I think I have ever seen. It's right up there with the pregnant and real baby cakes. Thanks for the daily laughter, I love your posts!

Anonymous said...

that last one is actually pretty good...if your into horror and dismemberment

Margaret said...

Those are some short and stubby fingers on the hand cake. You'd have to chop my fingers off at the first knuckle to get those proportions.

House said...

No matter how bad my day is going or how tired I may be, your comments to all this stuff makes it that much better. I usually end up laughing out loud at some of the things that you write, my coworkers think I'm crazy. Thanks for being that small amount of joy in my day. It really means a lot to me. :)

Yota Armai said...

Is it just me or are the fingers oddly short on that dismembered hand? And did they drain it of blood like Dexter's brother did to his victims in season 1? That just makes me think that she is dead, not just missing a hand. But then the fingernails would each be painted a different color.

The Courteous Chihuahua said...

Severed hand accompanied by "Your Day Has Arrived"...

Crikey!

dmontag said...

The "alias" cake should be cross-posted over on The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks.

Sydney said...

Not only is the severed hand fascinatingly horrific but the disproportionally small fingers really added to its pizzazz!

Rita/Fighting Off Frumpy said...

That severed hand is just ridiculously creepy!

Laura said...

wow, that last one is a doozy! thanks for providing me with daily belly laughs that i have to disguise from my coworkers.

Anonymous said...

Hmm. I thought the chocolate one said "Congratulations OR your engagement..." Which will it be?

HorribleLicensePlates said...

that hand is extra creepy!

Kelly said...

Ah! The hand is straight from the Addams Family!

And would I be a wreck myself to say I actually liked the cake with the big gem (minus the incorrect spelling and messy handwriting).

Oh, and the quotes around the name were perfect.

fun stuff,
"Kelly"

www.yourbestwedding.blogspot.com

Carrie said...

As a shower treat, my mother-in-law, picked up a "royal" ice cream cake. I'd send you the photo, but it was only a wreck to us. The decorator managed to spell both of our names wrong. You'd think as mother-of-the-groom, she'd be able to tell the store what to write.

amo (amanda) said...

Oh my gosh! That hand! Is that Thing from The Addams Family??? Creeeepy! And that green mess of misspelled wreckage...sad. just. sad. don't they do some form of screening when they hire bakery workers? And look for things like...oh i don't know...a high school diploma? they should require spelling exams in the application. lame.

Cottagecheap said...

First, ACK to that had....then....

I bought a cake wreck for Father's day (on purpose). I shared it on my blog, if you want to check it out. (don't worry I sent them this way!)
http://babystepscottage.blogspot.com/2009/06/i-intentionally-bought-wreck.html

Anonymous said...

Hey, did anyone tell you? You got URL-checked in the July WIRED (pg 64) alongside http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com which I think is fantastically appropriate. Congrats!

Allison (@whenwill_love)

iris said...

HILARIOUS!! the "ransom" one was priceless.

BillDarryl said...

With this ring, I'm asking you to become Mrs. Stubbyfingers.

jess said...

OMG, The 'hand' cake is just so perfectly horrible...I mean it is really, really horrible.

Anonymous said...

"Your Day Has Arrived"... for what? For a hand transplant? Is that supposed to be the donor hand? Ewwwwwwwww!! What a creepy cake!!!

Jessi said...

Oh, my, I may have nightmares about the hand cake. It's really a pity about the pink and green one, though. It's almost a sweet, except for the ridiculous misspelling. I don't mind so much when a grocery store cake with that nearly inedible icing has a misspelling, but a really pretty cake like that just breaks my heart.

Judy said...

I say we hunt down the person who started these CCC's (Pitooey)and storm their house with pitchforks and torches. Okay town, are you with me?

Karen said...

You just know that people were lining up asking for their favorite digit with that severed hand cake.

Anonymous said...

The CCC ring get even wreckier for me when I start wondering if they really needed that many cupcakes. Who's supposed to eat them all? I suppose this is for a bridal shower, but with The Question it seems like the wannabe groom feels like he needs to stuff cupcakes down his intended fiancee's throat in order for her to say Yes. On second thought, I'd say yes to a man who feels the need to overindulge in cake (although a little more thought into the cake wouldn't hurt ;)).

Anonymous said...

Mmmm, that strawberry one looks yummo!
The green one looks gross, and the hand is frightening!!!


Becky

Munkeyhed said...

That hand will haunt my dreams. (extra creepy since it looks like gauze @ the wrist)

Judy said...

@Carrie,

Whoa girl, ease up on the mother-in-law. You've got her for life now too you know. You're going to have to learn to play nice in that sandbox.

CorningNY said...

Nothing says "We're so happy for you" like a bloodless, severed hand and an ominous warning. Maybe she's marrying into the Mafia?

Anonymous said...

The dismembered hobbit hand is too disturbing. "Bobby, would you like a finger or a thumb?"
~Gwen

Amy said...

Nothing says "Congraduations" as well as a corpse-like severed hand atop the cake.
They got that dead look down perfectly, too.

~Amy B.

Jennifer said...

But... it's green. I know it is spelled wrong. But.... it's green. Ewwww.

Batbrat said...

omg the dismembered hand! I love how the cuff looks a bit like a gauze wrap and the hand appears to be drained of all it's life. Must have sounded like a much better idea than it turned out to be.

Peachkins said...

You know, it really is a shame about that second cake with the big gem. I agree that it was actually a very pretty cake until someone ruined it with horrible writing. There is no excuse for that green monstrosity. And the hand cake? (Shivers) It really does look like gauze at the wrist.

I am so happy to say that I've never seen CCCs at any of the bakeries around here. Must be a regional thing.

Anonymous said...

Do you think they saved the middle finger from the hand cake for someone special, like the mother-in-law to be?
*ducks*

Lynn said...

The hand cake reminds me of a fish wrapped in newspaper being sent in "The Godfather" to announce a violent demise of someone...a commentary on marriage perhaps ?

Wonder what the bride-to-be thought of it ? And if she was not amused, what happened to the persons who made ordered and made it ?

curegirl0421 said...

Love that last one, but in regards to wanting to say "Engage" at someone aloud...your nerd is showing! But don't worry, you're in good company because you can bet your triquarter that I said "Engage" out loud in a flawless Piccard lilt... and did the point.

Love the site - thanks for the daily laugh!

LaurenH said...

I especially like the n's on the chocolate explosion cake, written so they look like r's

Congratulations....OR your engagement. YOU ONLY GET ONE, you "fake people"

C. Beth said...

Jen, when you made the Picard joke, I think I fell in love with you a little bit.

TechyDad said...

Proposal by cupcake cake? No thanks. I was old fashioned and used the "squish bugs" method. (I started to get down on one knee but had to move positions so as not to go down in the middle of a swarm of ants! ;-) )

Lynette said...

I think everyone else has voiced my thoughts on the cakes themselves. I have nothing of value to add on that front.

I have to say, however, that I absolutely loved your closing line. *geeky happy dance*

Ashley said...

Creepy!

Christina Bambina said...

That last cake is scary! And "vomitable"....

GAMZu said...

At least they were considerate enough to bandage up the bloody stump!

DangGina said...

Just had an incident with a knife and my hand, so the last cake made me jump a bit. And then I began to laugh...how sick is that cake?!

KritterBugg said...

The last cake is WAAAAYYY too creepy! They could have at least made the hand a bit more feminine...? And painted the nails a nice pink or red or something? UGH...

DK
http://uberfoodnoob.blogspot.com/

Emily said...

Did anyone see Cake Boss last night with the crazy bridezilla who ruined a perfectly beautiful cake?? Oh, my heart ached (mostly that someone was marrying such a horrible person).

Anonymous said...

Why is the "diamond" on the CCC completely iced... But the "ring" cupcakes iced individually? I will never understand the CCC decorator ~Carrie~

kelseybuff said...

The hand cake is particularly disturbing to me. I just couldn't look away (even though I wanted to). I think perhaps it's the perfection of the hand - the nails are juuust right, the bones protrude juuust so off of the hand...

CREEPY!

Keep it up! The amount of wreckage you continually find never ceases to amaze me!

Long time reader, first time commenter,
Kelsey

WendyB said...

As a jeweler, I find these especially painful!

serellie said...

Putting aside the ironic note to the cake, that 3rd one looks really good... Mmm...

Anonymous said...

Did anyone notice that the Hand cake looks like it is plam up but the fingers are plam down? Or is it the lighting in the photo?

Sara said...

Since we're discussing spelling errors, I think the correct spelling for the scream of horror at discovering a severed hand on your engagement cake is "AIIIIIEEEEEEE!" (Capitalization and number of "i"s and "e"s optional.)

thisbagisnotatoy said...

It looks like a possessed hand in which the fingers have spun 180 degrees. 'Cause isn't that the palm of the hand underneath?

Christina M. said...

"Or freaking out the family with something that looks like it should come with a ransom note:" ROFL!


As I recently got engaged, we were thinking about doing a small get together to celebrate with friends, but these cakes have put me off.

Especially the CCC. *Shudder*

Eloping never looked so good...

jengersnap said...

I am choking back a laugh at "Your day has arrived". It's so thriller-killer action movie-ish! Like something Arnold would say as he holds a bazooka on his shoulder. Daaaang.

And poor Amanda better be marrying into the green after a cake like that. Bleech.

wv - redid. One hopes the wreckorators redid these orders free of charge

Anonymous said...

The last one is hysterically awful. The severed hand is bad enough but "Your day has come"? Wahahahahahahaha.

Harley said...

my friend's comment when i showed him--
"all I can think about is Tom Lehrer's 'I Hold Your Hand in Mine'"

Raisin'Cookies said...

I'm going to have bad dreams tonight.

Jael said...

HAHA. I heart this blog... I spent hours here the other night laughing and trying not to pee my pants while my husband kept raising eyebrows at me.

I'd agree with everyone about the hand cake, but coming from someone who made herself a "Norman Bates Sinking Marion's Car in the Swamp" cake for her 18th birthday... well, I can't really say anything.

Aleesuhn_Muhree said...

Lol, these are ridiculous.

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz said...

Wow, that dismembered hand is Something Else. I'm glad my friends aren't that 'creative'. Eesh.

Kate said...

all that hand cake needs to be truly creepy is slightly different lettering. you know, the red dripping blood letters used for horror novel covers?

YOUR....DAY....HAS....COME!!! Mwah ha ha ha!!!

Anonymous said...

I love that last cake!!! [in a grim reaper voice] "Your day has arrived!"

Anonymous said...

Hand cake....most.disturbing.ever.

dani said...

at first, i was just staring in disgust at that hand.

then i thought hey, at least its not a foot.

seriously though...ew.

Alpha Chick said...

wow that hand one is pretty creepy. lol
Jenn

Katie R said...

HOW DO I DRAWED HANDS?

laura said...

Did anyone else notice that the hand has the fingers on upside down?

Morgan the Muse said...

that last one is rather scary, I have to agree. Wow.

Freya said...

alright, it's bad enought that there's a disembodied hand on it, but check out the little note. "your day has arrived" or "your time has come" or "mwahahahaha!"

Kim said...

Ok, the hand one is several many different kinds of creepy. The cupcake one reminds me of the wedding I went to a couple weeks ago. The 'cake' at the ceremony was, I kid you not, several boxes of cupcakes. Not even homemade ones either. Store bought, with price stickers still attached and all.

WV: phalverg (adj); uncomfortable or otherwise awkward.
"Seeing the baked potato bar and cupcake 'cake' at that wedding made me feel very phalverg indeed."

Glory von Hathor said...

"Your Day Has Arrived"?

Cut-off hand and thinly veiled death threat aside, that's a pretty damn offensive message. Unless maybe you are a gay person who has been waiting for the law to change. Otherwise the sugary subtext is...


Congradulations Miss Desperate! You're plan worked! You're previously meaningless life is now imbued with validatation!


I'd rather get a poo-themed CCC.

adrienne said...

Regarding the hend:

It looks like wreckerator reversed the pinky and ring finger. Maybe the ring only fit on the pinky.

It's also classy how they hide the index finger and thumb under the daisy. He/she must have grown tired of marzipan manicures.

Judy said...

@ Emily - No I didn't see the show, just the commercial. But I hope he charged her the FULL amount for the cake she ruined.

Judy said...

@ amo ( amanda) No it's not thing from the Adamms family. It's the... ummm..."girl"...he proposed to. LOL

DeAnn said...

That hand is creepy. Worse than that football player's head.

Trevor said...

Somehow, after seeing the last cake, I have The The's "This is the day" stuck in my head.

VeggieT said...

Now everyone repeat after me, one word at a time, very slowly, in a low-low tone....
"Your
Day
has
come" *add raspiness here*



Moving on I wonder who decided it would be a good idea to put a glass doorknob on a cake?

evil cake lady said...

your commentary on the hand cake is hilarious!

btw, we celebrated a graduation AND an engagement the other weekend, and tempted as i was to write "congratulations on your graduation and engagement", or "congradulations (misspelled on purpose) on all this new stuff you're doing", we went with "happy engraduation." i thought you might like that.

BigMomma said...

The alias cake looks tasty! Oooh! I didn't know thing from the Adams Family got married!

Cory said...

anybody see the sienfeld episode about man hands?

MicheleinCA said...

It doesn't matter how crappy my day has been, I can always count on Jen to make me laugh tell I need to change my pants! That's why I only read this website at home.

Jennifer said...

OMG...."engage" does Patrick Stewart say that word in your head every time you read/hear/write/say it too???

I thought I was the only one.

Jenny said...

That cake is so funny.

T. aka bigcityguide.blogspot.com

Amber said...

uh, was that second pic one of those crystal doorknobs?

lauren ashley said...

that hand cake will give me nightmares for years to come ... i'm fairly certain my answer would be 'NO' to anyone who would present that cake to me ...

Ms Avery said...

Aaargh, the last one is terrifying!

Cakedreamer said...

EEK! This makes me glad I never had an engagement party! Yikes!

http://cakedreamer.blogspot.com

drgn4vr said...

For everyone complaining about the short, stubby fingers on the last cake--I finally found a cake that has hands that look like mine--well, except for the better manicure on the cake. Much better than those spidery things on the pregnant belly awhile back.

Belle Epoque said...

Egads, I was sailing through these engagement cakes when that severed hand cake caught me totally off guard (at least they didn't embellish it with a red cuff or anything...)

Etiquette Bitch said...

yeah, that last CW looked like a threat.

And the green "congradulation" cake? graduating, marrying, or celebrating st. patty's day?

Susan said...

Jenzy and Al's cake was kind of pretty 'til the let someone write on it.

WV: pless. Pless pay attention in English class!

Scritzy said...

HOLY CRAP! THAT LOOKS LIKE MY HAND!

Except my diamond isn't that big.

Still ... *shudder*

Bree said...

What is up with severed body parts on cakes or made to be cakes? I know most of them are executed quite well, but it's still creepy. And this is coming from someone who loves horror movies.

If it wasn't for those quotes, the strawberry cake would be perfect. I'm sure it was still yummy.

The all green cake is gross. It looks like a huge chunk of mold.

Sho said...

OK ladies in the group, what if a man was to propose with that ring CCC-wreck, only to fish out a box from the "gem" with a real beauty? Would anyone be prepared to take a practical joke during a proposal? (I think I'll be beaten to a bloody pulp before I could even try to get the real ring.)

sendingtheclowns said...

Lynn said...
"The hand cake reminds me of a fish wrapped in newspaper being sent in "The Godfather" to announce a violent demise of someone..."
*******
That's the first thing I thought of, too!
"It's a Sicilian message. It means Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes."

Scary~~~~someone could be sleeping in the...BAKERY...tonight~~~
=^()()^=
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As for the "ransom note" thing:
Look on the "bright" side; the groom-to-be has time to think it over--(after all, she's only going to lose the other hand)--and he's already got the ring back, which he could always sell if need be.

Batbrat said...

I don't know. When it comes to proposals and weddings, many people seem to be all about repulsive displays of spending, contrived protocol, and unrealistic expectations. Honestly if it was Mr. Right (no, not the idiotic fantasy-romance novel Mr. Right - but a real man with real character), I'd accept a proposal spelled out in cheetos and a wedding in the backyard. It's not about impressing people for me. It's about landing the man of one's dreams. The celebration and "pretties" are always fun, but I wouldn't turn down a chance at happiness if I didn't get that.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious! Thanks for the laughs! I've really needed it, especially after the past 2 weeks that I've had!

Cole said...

LMAO! That was the funniest thing i have heard all day! (and i have the biggest drama queen EVER as a 4 year old daughter...my day is hilairious!)
Holy Moly that hand...i'm still giggling!
That gree thing is hidious, makes me really wonder what the instructions on that one were...

Kirsty said...

Cake number three: "Congratulations OR your engagement"? Do they have to make a choice between the two?

Charisse said...

The last one is very scary. Very very scary.

sleeplessnights04 said...

Does anyone remember the movie called The Thing?...anyway the severed hand is gastly along with the rest of the cakes. Har Har Har

Nathaniel and Emily said...

My 4-yr-old saw this and screamed "AAaaaaaaaaa! What's that?!"

Anonymous said...

The hand cake has to be the worst (best?) passive-aggressive wedding proposal i've ever seen.

Elizabeth said...

I am pretty sure I would have said no if my Fiance asked me with a cake, especially the ones above. But I have to say, the hand is amazing. So hilarious.

Anonymous said...

That last one made me die laughing. It reminds me of a cleaned up hand from Reanimator.
And the text doesn't seem in the slightest bit like a celebration!

"Your Time Has Come" almost like saying "Marriage is like the mafia... You never know which limb you'll lose..."

bryn said...

does jenny and al's cake have two sets of quote marks together after the congradulations? like the wreckerator knew it was wrong to put them around the word, but had to put them somewhere

Heather said...

did anyone else notice that the fingers on that hand look like they're on back wards? the hand looks palm up, but you see the front of the fingers. so wrong on so many levels.

Lynn said...

Sending the clowns,

Nice to know there's a kindred spirit out there who thinks the way I do and reads every single comment...we just can't help it...they are as funny as Jen's Wreck posts !

RamblingDreamer said...

All I can think of upon seeing the disembodied hand is "SHE HAS MAN HANDS!"

WV: sycli. The man hand on that cake was sycli mesmerizing.

Carol said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
N2Loping said...

Make it so!

Jenna said...

"Gradulation" immediately followed by that terrifying pallid severed claw made me laugh so hard I almost peed myself!

We're getting engaged soon and now I really want to request an On Purpose Wreck to celebrate.

sendingtheclowns said...

Lynn said...

"Sending the clowns,
Nice to know there's a kindred spirit out there who thinks the way I do and reads every single comment...we just can't help it..."
********************
Yeah--that's it! We can't help it!
Now, if only MORE people were like us, we might have all avoided that train wreck of a thing concerning a certain tourist trap in, oh, say...Florida? (Starts with an "E," but don't make me say it!) heh heh
>^~-^<

This blog is highly addictive, and should come with a warning!
(I wouldn't pay any mind to the warning myself, but I'm just saying...!)

Stillapill said...

Loved the Star Trek reference, Captain! :)

Dani Grigg said...

amazing.

Anonymous said...

I laugh whenever I think about that hand cake, In my opinion it would be best for an invitation to see a horror movie.

Anonymous said...

Jen, I love your blog. I do. But since you spend so much time making fun of spelling errors... "fiance" should be changed to "fiancee," since it refers to the bride-to-be.

Pretentious accent mark optional.

Anonymous said...

The severed hand has extremely pudgy fingers!

Shay Neary said...

Hey lol I LOVE this site lol.. anyways.. I worked at Weis markets and we get books with cupcake designs in it that we are required to make.. in the decorators defense.. that ring cupcake cake is in the book of stuff we are supposed to make for the shelves lol... and the hand is creepy lol. Well made but disturbing!

-Shay Neary (Senior at Keystone College in Pastry Arts. PA.

Anonymous said...

That is a MAN HAND! ROFL! :D

Craig said...

These seem to be more in the line of disengagement cakes -- especially the last -- but anyway...

#2 & 4: I suppose a prom would be a 'way cool' venue for a proposal -- by the time graduation rolls around, the groom-to-be will have finally have acquired the courage to tell his mother, thus the combined theme.

Alternate explanation: Women who appear to be in college for no obvious reason other than meeting men are sometimes spoken of as seeking an 'MRS' degree.

#5 He asked for 'her' hand; he got it, reversed fingers and all. Reminds me of the famous question: "What would chairs look like if our knees bent the other way?"

How can 'she' pick up anything? Must...purge...mental...image...

Or maybe 'she' is already engaged and the cake was sent by 'her' orthopedic surgeon. Though one would think it should show what 'her' hand will hopefully look like after the operation.

Anonymous said...

I love your blog. I was laughing out loud specially with the hand cake... Maybe from the Sopranos? My 3 years old thought I was "funny" Thanks!
Adriana

Cupcakes Lady said...

Severed hand...very creepy. Its just not right x