Monday, March 23, 2009

Such Deers

Monday, March 23, 2009

It's becoming as "classic" (ie cliche) as the red-velvet armadillo cake, and yet guys still want dead Bambi for their groom's cake. Go fig.

Yeah, yeah, guys, I get it: you want your cake to show some personality, reflect your interests, and ideally gross-out the in-laws. But really, a giant dead animal on your wedding day? Really? This must be another time when my plumbing prevents me from grasping the intricacies of the male mind.

At least this one's still showing some signs of life:

Well, as much as the baker, anyway. (Ah, candid photos, how we loathe thee.)

Oh no, but look! He's sinking into the Swamps of Sadness! Fight against the sadness, Artax! Don't let it get to you! Just because you're about to be carved up and served on camouflage-print paper plates is no reason to get all down in the dumps! Artaaaaax!!

[sniffle] Sorry. I hate that part of the movie.


Ok, where were we? Oh, right, at the economy section:

Sure, it doesn't feed many people, but then no one will want to eat it anyway. See? A win-win. Plus, mad props to the garnisher; those green spriggy bits are really classing the joint up.

Of course if we've learned anything here on CW, it's that a green & purple party hat can make everything allll better:

(By the fabulous Tara of Tara's Cakes, who has an equally fabulous sense of humor.)

Like so.

I know we shouldn't look a gift deer in the mouth, but those buck teeth* are cracking me up. I can almost hear him saying, "Gawrsh! Why don't you carve yourself a slice? Ahuck!"

Still, I'll take goofy over spooky any day. And I'm not sure there's a chipper enough party hat in all the world to uncreepify this guy:

Sure, he's smiling, but that smile never quite reaches his eyes, you know? And he won't stop staring, like he knows something I don't.

Hey, you lookin' at me, punk? Yeah? Well quit your smirking,
or I'll break your antlers off!

Oh, I'm sorry; I see someone already did. Huh. That had to hurt. Well, never mind.


Lauren S., Laura M., Erin C., Kaylee K., & Anony M. you sure know how to rack 'em.


*Get it? "Buck" teeth? Hah, that was the crowning touch, wasn't it?


Related Wreckage: You Say 'Redneck' Like it's a Bad Thing
HorribleLicensePlates said...

The eyes! The eyes!!!!

Anonymous said...

Awww Artax! That part always makes me cry too :(

alisaz said...

"Oh deer..." That was brilliant. That last one though is going to seriously haunt my dreams, I want to unsee it, Jen..

Leslie said...

Huge props to you for the Neverending Story quotage. :-D That part was way worse in the book because Artax could talk (?!) and was basically begging Atreyu to turn away so he wouldn't see his final moments. *weeps*

As for the deer cakes I'm mildly alarmed because I almost think my husband would like some of these. He sent me a picture of the camo he/shemale deer cake from this very blog not realizing I read it every day and said, "Here's an idea for a cake for you to do sometime." Thank god I'm not skilfull enough to sculpt cakes so I probably won't have to worry about him suggesting one of these.

Miss Teacher Lady said...

A cake. With a dead deer. And lights?!?!? And extra random antlers off to the side like we've finally found the buck graveyard of lore. Lights?!?!? Why are there lights?

wv: restica. Where are the restica deer? Already eaten by the groomsmen?

Manda said...

#2 (aka Artax) is actually pretty well done, I like the cartoonish shaping of his head, but his antlers are way too realistic... I hope they aren't actually real. No one in their right mind would put real antlers on a cake, right?

Amy said...

Shhhh....that last deer...(hiding behind closet door)...he's watching us!

~Amy B.

Melinda said...

Party hat deer = guffaw

Doublebanker said...

Looks like some reindeer games going on here!

Daily Gif Blog

DB

Bibi said...

Dear God. . . all I can say is, "I'm sorry" for what's happened to the woodland creatures.

Baking and Mistaking said...

Everything can be improved by a party hat!
Try putting one on some of those pregnant bellies instead.

Erin said...

I can't believe that scene is linked on youtube. I refused to watch it.

mare said...

creepy and sad. no way could i eat deer cake...even if it was a creepy, airbrushed-eyes cake. too sad. too...uck. just uck.

claire said...

Brilliant Cake Wrecks post Jen! It made me laugh out loud and cry (Artaaaaax!) and laugh out loud in rapid succession.

Anonymous said...

Why is that last deer so... blurry? Is it just me? It looks like one of those blurred pictures to protect the innocent.

Kat said...

I love it! Well, it made me cry too but I love that you quoted Never Ending Story :) yeah, made my day.
-Kat

Half Assed Kitchen said...

Seriously...seriously disturbing.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

Margaret said...

Maybe that first one is a bride's cake, because that's a mighty girly arrow sticking out.

Antlers by themselves are sheds. Deer lose their antlers every year, and all hunters get excited to find the sheds, especially of a big buck.

Lisa_N said...

Topical! Surely someone will have one made & sent to Matt Lauer today.

http://www.newsday.com/iphone/ny-libike0324,0,7760448.story

kara said...

I wish they could have somehow incorporated those singing deer head wall ornament things.

alouette said...

Since I'm marrying a vegan, does that mean I can expect a sad, dead looking carrot cake?

Nicholas and Jessicat said...

I am a hunter and female and still don't get these cakes! Also did anyone notice the head (3rd one down) seems to have to right antlers... ? Extra 'special' ;)

Viewtiful_Justin said...

Eww. Repeatedly. Ad nauseum.

eilbeback said...

Leslie: You could always make one out of cupcakes... HAR!

Giggle at alouette.

And another brilliant post, Jen! I'm writing a check to the Wildlife Foundation with my other hand as I type...

salanaland said...

Those festive greens would go over well with my guinea pigs. Not sure if everyone wants dill/anise/fennel all over their deer cake though.

Meg said...

The Swamps of Sadness!

You know, sometimes I wonder if I subscribe to the blog for the bizarre cakes or for the slightly non sequitur 80s pop culture references. I wonder the same thing about watching Psych.

Jenn J said...

These are absolutely hilarious and gross at the same time. It's like those horrible deer heads on walls...always staring. They seriously creep me out, as do these cakes.

Jacob and Andrew said...

I hate that part of the movie, too...every time I think of him sinking I get so depressed. I will never get that scene out of my mind...arghh...

ksaldria said...

I thought this was kinda neat the first time I saw it on Ace of Cakes. But now? *shudder*

Ghost Deer is gonna haunt my dreams, I swear.

Anonymous said...

REDNECK!!!!!

Yarnhog said...

That last one just needs black buttons for eyes to really work wonders on the subconscious.

Kate said...

These could be a get out of jail cakes for this poor guy who decided it would be smart to bolt and epoxy antlers onto a doe he shot...

http://www.caller.com/news/2009/mar/16/hunter-busted-bolting-antlers-dead-doe/

Tabitha (From Single to Married) said...

hysterical! Sick, but hysterical none-the-less.

Heidi 'n' Jeff said...

You forgot the high-pitched moaning "NOOOOooooooooooo"

I hated that part in the movie too. And that turtle is just a jerk.

Anonymous said...

SWAMPS OF SADNESSS!!!! OOOHHHHHHH!!! It is to laugh! Still laughing!

Norkio said...

What is the deal with groom cakes? Isn't one cake enough at a wedding? I'm so glad they are not popular where I live cos they seem kinda stupid.

Kristy said...

The lights around the dead deer cake confuse and frighten me.

carol2bs1grl said...

I *hate* that part of the movie too!! It is really traumatic to a little girl!

drgns4vr said...

I was cruising through these cakes muttering about the stupidity of dead deer at a wedding--what a joyous symbol of "twue love"*--and then I got to His Toothiness. I thought it's a cross species wedding--a deer and a rabbit. It makes as much sense as dead deer groom cakes.

*I have seen one movie here.

Me said...

I don't know which is worse:
the fact that I'm now having sad flashbacks about that scene in The Neverending Story, or that I can't get that creepy deer face out of my head. Ew. Scares me on so many levels. Those EYES!!

The Courteous Chihuahua said...

Well, the first cake is *obviously* a deer caught in the headlights, and it *is* a groom's cake...are you seeing the connection?

As for the party hat deer, I kind of love him.

Anonymous said...

Most of those deer cakes are hideous, but the huge one that showed the baker looked to be executed quite beautifully....I don't think it should count as a wreck :/

peewee said...

LOVE the springy floral touch of whimsy on that last one. Death meets Life. How Ironic.

templework said...

I fear the desire for a deer groom's cake is much more insidious and Freudian than just grossing out the in-laws or whomever...
Men are sooo transparent and they don't even know it!
(No - you don't want to think about it too hard...chuckle - argh)

Leanne said...

Aww, Neverending Story reference FTW!

That was the first time I ever cried at a movie.... then the luck dragon came into the movie and I thought he was a flying clod of dryer lint. That pretty much cured my sadness.

CupcakeKitten said...

i'm fairly sure the horse actually died when they filmed that scene

imiss said...

wow that really gave me a warm fuzzy feeling in side. I think I'm going to watch bambi

oh the things we miss
thingswemiss.blogspot.com

hypnobarb1 said...

That last deer isn't Bambi, it's Zombie. It'll be getting up any moment now and start eating the guests.

Calantha said...

From laughter to sadness and back to laughter. This post is like one, long emotional rollercoaster. And Bucky the Toothy One had me going "Bahahahahha" and "WTF is wrong this picture?" at the same time.

mio said...

Look at how different in style the ears are from the rest of the cake on the last one. Clearly this isn't a cakewreck, it's the perfect cake for a fan of Photoshop Disasters!

Jaye said...

Men are so weird! I am married to one and I don't even PRETEND to understand him! hehehe...
And I agree with someone else who posted..I am glad I can't do cakes this well because my husband would LOVE one of those crazy deer cakes..gah!

Scritzy said...

Good grief. What's next, a roadkill cake?

I'd like a possum one, please. :P

The Ferber Family said...

um, i hate to point this out, but that baker... well, um... he looks like he's doing something.. um, well let's just say DIRTY... to that poor deer... just sayin'

alcoholinky said...

reminds me of that old Sex Pistols song.... "Who Killed Bambi?"!

Anonymous said...

The last one reminds me of the Queens of the Stone Age video No One Knows where the deer gets revenge.

Anan said...

Thank you so much for the Neverending Story reference, it made my day, though Artax was a horse. I'm sure you knew that. :-)

Robyn 'My Middle Name Is Awesome' said...

I almost peed myself when I saw that 'buck teeth' cake! OMG, was that EVER funny!!

Heather said...

You know, party animal buck teeth Bambi (or was it Bambi and Thumper's love child) at least made me laugh. Just goes to show there is no accounting for taste.

The dead dear surrounded by the UFO lights just too spooky.

robyn said...

Well then, this 'un jes' works real good w/ this pa'tickla post:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AnJfV5xnym4

"He's daid. Now whut?"

Anonymous said...

i'm fairly sure the horse actually died when they filmed that scene

Did it, Cupcake Kitten? Do you have a link? I doubt the horse actor actually died, because the poor kid is crying "Don't die, Artax!", and the horse is like "Yeah, whatever."

Linda said...

so glad to see that "my" deer made it...submission #2.

It was, in fact a cake made by Publix, and it was a groom's cake...sort of - used on the evening of the wedding rehearsal. Still, it's the best looking of the lot!

helentastic said...

This post reminded me of "Dear Deer" by Kate Mucucci.

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/fc30eda5b5/dear-deer-kate-micucci-from-katemicucci

Great cute/funny song/video!

Gerry said...

The 3rd one down looks like a deer wandered into the party and got its head stuck in a hole in the table...

DeeDee said...

ACK!! Wow, I am really surprised that anyone would think that those would pass as acceptable cakes. Would make any child, or adult for that matter, frightened of bambi.

I would take a carrot riding baby over these any day!

DeeDee
http://small-budget.blogspot.com/

deniselv said...

I always cried when Artax came back at the end, too. And I really wanted to hug that rock guy...

StuffCooksWant said...

Love the buck teeth...at least you can laugh at that one. The one with the dead eyes is just creepy and I'd have to seriously rethink my friendship (or marriage if that was a groom's cake!!) to the fellow who thought that was a good idea.

sendingtheclowns said...

@Kate;
That ingenious incident happened right here in MY state! It was all OVER the news. It wasn't much of a surprise, though--
I done heerd tell of some purty odd folks!
(No, the film Deliverance wasn't filmed "right cheer", but sometimes I think it could've been.)
What I really got a boot out of was THIS (from the newspaper)--
what an OFFICIAL from Fish and Wildlife had to say about the fake deer antlers:
"Something wasn't natural about them, in addition to the fact that they weren't natural," he said.
Kinda says it all.
>^uu^<

sendingtheclowns said...

"Gawrsh! Why don't you carve yourself a slice? Ahuck!"
*********************************
I can actually HEAR this being said out loud so clearly in my head that it makes all of my nerves GIGGLE--like being tickled!!! Good ole "Bucky"! And he looks so happy to be there! Even though he's DEAD--what a sport!
Got a question, though, about little No-Neck there on the salad bar...what the heck is that silvery-looking thing off to the left, pointing at the deer departed like a sort of weapon?
Really odd. Maybe a part of another masterpiece? Also, it almost looks like someone stole the little rounded ears off a kid's teddy bear to stick on the deer head. (Maybe that dude from Vt.)
Otherwise it's perfectly so-so.

spacedcowgirl said...

@kara, I reeeeeeeallly want a Big Mouth Billy Bass cake now... and even though I hate all of the dead deer cakes and would not have one at my wedding, I'm not joking about that.

Hyena Overlord said...

ick..they all remind me of the three dead deer we saw on the highway last week.

Anonymous said...

Please tell me why the buck-toothed deer is on top of such a nicely decorated cake? And please, tell me why the last deer is making me sea sick? *sigh*

smith5213 said...

i haaaate that scene. i love that movie but i haaate that scene. i bawl everytime like a damn baby.

Heather said...

Neverending Story reference = super awesome win <3

whateverfor said...

Dude. Creepy. How dorkish does it make me that I totally knew you were referring to the Neverending Story?

Dee said...

Aaah! That last one! It's burned its way into my very soul. I'm pretty sure if I was at that wedding/party and saw it in person, the reaction would only be stronger.

Becky S. said...

Haha...before I knew of Cake Wrecks I went to a wedding when I was 18 where the couple had several sheet cakes that you get from the grocery store with two green army men shooting at two deer, with one on its side with a pile of blood red icing next to it. I wish I got a picture. But "redneck" isn't such a bad thing I guess. :)

Also, my captcha word is "fracker." I thought you should know.

twinklescrapbooks said...

That last deer is really creepin' me out!
tina

Mad Izatie said...

-dry heave-
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

OH WHY, GOD, WHY!?! BAMBIIIII!!!!!

Minyassa said...

I am sending you my Kleenex bill, Jen.

Lady Meerkat said...

I <3 this blog a little more because you referenced one of my favourite movies.

EricaLynn said...

On that third one, I don't know what this is sticking out of the left side of the picture, but the poor deer looks terrified of it.

Jenna said...

Why is it that groom's cakes always get to show personality and character - I don't mean these specifically - while the "bride's" wedding cake is usually so generic that it's more or less the elevator music equivalent of cake?

ros said...

@alouette. Yup, a sad, dead carrot... with a naked baby mohican jockey on top!

Meredith Crosby said...

Looks like Wedding Cakes I have seen on "my Redneck Wedding" on CMT. I live in South Georgia and know some rednecks, used in the most lovely way, that would not find a darn thing wrong with not one of those cakes. I agree about the one Punk Deer staring, like a dear in the headlights or caught while drunk kids dear shile! Thanks for making my day with a giggle!

Trish said...

Man! Do those lights in the 1st one ever add some PIZZAZZ!!! It looks like it's in a last rites ceremony with fire flies. And you gotta love the bamboo skewer..ahem..arrow protruding from it's side.

The large specimen is done well enough, but it looks like it's slowing sinking into quicksand. By the time the dinner is over, there will only be the tips of the antlers visible!

The absolute BEST one is the bucky the party hat wearin' fella. He seriously made me lmao. I could totally consume some of him...the others, not so much. I have a hard time eating anything that STARES at me.

Kiley said...

When I saw that part of TNES as a little kid, I hid behind my couch and cried like a baby.

It made me sad just to click on that link. I relived the sadness all over again.

But these cakes are even worse!

El Comodoro said...

I salute your punnery. I mean, wow.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of terribly nerdy pop culture references, Mr. Airbrushed Eyes reminds me of the human-faced deer spirit from the movie Princess Mononoke. Whatever you do, don't cut off his head... you'll be real sorry!

And gah, dill on a cake? That violates the first rule of garnishes right there - never put a savory garnish on something sweet!

applecrumbles said...

Awful deer cakes...although hunters would be amused.

The Maples said...

Thanks for the Neverending Story reference. It made my day! Now all we need is a Valcor the Luck Dragon cake!

bigSIS said...

#2...candid photos indeed! LOL

#3...I'd be the one looking for the body UNDER the table!

So hilarious.

Melissa (& Billy) said...

Oh, heavens. These are enough to make anyone run screaming.

As someone once said: KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE! =0

wv: Hauslopi. A German indoor bunny? =)

LT said...

I'm under the distinct impression that you do not know the definition of "candid". It means "honest". Really now, have you not encountered that word outside of TV show titles?

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Dearest LT,

Once in a great while, someone is astute enough to catch one of the incredibly rare mistakes that Jen makes in grammar or spelling. Sadly, today is not one of those times.

Candid: Adjective (of a photograph of a person) taken informally, esp. without the subject's knowledge.

OOOOOHHH SORRY.

Jen-1
LT-0

Better luck next time,

john

Sharon said...

I could never work out how they got the horse playing Artax to stand neck deep in a puddle of mud and look sad. Surely most horses would be looking pretty darn worried, and trying to get out of the mud...

Oh, and at least they're going for ungulates which are reasonably common and not *terribly* cute. It would be a shame if they made a cake out of a pudu or a dik-dik.

Kore said...

Are those Christmas lights on that first cake? Wow.

Anonymous said...

a hunters dream cake.The Society to Save Endangered Species was formed by Fred Smilek and two of his colleagues; Charlie Mack & Jonathan Korny. Fred Smilek stays active in raising awareness for this cause. [www.fredjsmilek.com]

Naomi said...

"Plus, mad props to the garnisher; those green spriggy bits are really classing the joint up."

You mean sprucing the joint up? ;) ;)

Andy said...

Is that photoshopped? cause the branches and the antlers, ect. look a lot better focused then the body. Don't get me wrong, I love cake wrecks, but I believe you have been duped.

regina said...

I do have to say... it makes sense to have stag cakes at a stag party. Which is what bachelor parties are also known as. Even more sense to have dead deer. Which represent the end of bachelorhood.

Still creepy, but with reason.

cakegrl said...

Thank goodness you didn't find mine! LOL Unlike the swamp sinking one, mine was buried in the bushes. Great finds as always!

Anonymous said...

Oh no......Artax.....that part makes me cry =[

Anonymous said...

Aren't these simply the continuation of an ancient literary tradition, courtship being likened to the pursuit of the female deer by the male hunter? As in Wyatt...

Whoso list to hunt ? I know where is an
hind !
But as for me, alas ! I may no more,
The vain travail hath wearied me so sore ;
I am of them that furthest come behind.
Yet may I by no means my wearied mind
Draw from the deer ; but as she fleeth afore
Fainting I follow ; I leave off therefore,
Since in a net I seek to hold the wind.
Who list her hunt, I put him out of doubt
As well as I, may spend his time in vain !
And graven with diamonds in letters plain,
There is written her fair neck round about ;
' Noli me tangere ; for C├Žsar's I am,
And wild for to hold, though I seem tame.

mandybucks said...

I had to leave my desk and retire to the restroom because the buck tooth one made me absolutely hysterical!!! My co-workers thought something bad had happened. If only they understood how good it was......

Anonymous said...

I have a question... can you eat something that is looking at you?

it's just creepy

Cupcakes Lady said...

"Since I'm marrying a vegan, does that mean I can expect a sad, dead looking carrot cake?" - great comment. xx

ali said...

funny thing is my classmate is going to deer hunting (in tx it's huntin' :P)

wv: clogies=a pet name for clogs :P