Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Oh, Mama!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Who's ready for some life-sized, potentially-nightmare-inducing, definitely traumatizing, yet fortuitously-censored CAKE? Hmm?

Settle down, now, all of you; there's enough here for everyone:

(Heh, you guys thought the FIRST censored Cake Wreck was bad...)

What's that? What do you mean, you all only want a piece of the little birthday cake? You can't ALL have that: who's going to eat the legs? The belly? The.. er...tracts of land? C'mon, you'll love it: mama's made of red velvet!*

:)

Here's an even "better" angle:


John would like me to point out that this cake has teeth. And there are so many things wrong with that statement, I don't even know where to begin.

Here's some good news, though: this wasn't for a baby shower! Yay! Nope, it was served at a birthing center event. As to why the "mom" has a cake in the tub with her, though - and in that particular spot - well, you got me. I'm just glad they didn't make it into an edible baby.
Also, I've heard of cakes sweating before, but this brings it to a while 'nother level. A really shiny, gross level.

I actually had this submitted twice, by both Gina & Jeanette E. Hey girls, I'm dying to know: did "mama" have any hair? I can't quite tell from the photos. (I mean on her HEAD, you sick people, you.)


* Ok, you got me: I don't actually know what kind of cake this was.

UPDATE: I too thought that they just left the "s" off "surprise" at first, but then it would have been "urprise", not "uprise". Unless they spelled it wrong, and THEN left the "s" off - hah, double wreck! Or, I suppose it could be the name of the center.
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All Adither said...

That's extremely yucky.

Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)

HorribleLicensePlates said...

Ew. I would not want to eat any part of that cake. Especially that water. *shudder*

Cottagecheap said...

Okay I was in a 'snack frame of mind' about two minutes ago....now I am all better! Hmmm...the cakewrecks diet?

Anonymous said...

The only safe piece to eat is the mini cake, although is that cardboard underneath? And was that towel a real one or made out of frosting or fondue or something?

milk and cookeez said...

That is wrong -on so many levels ewwwww. Tammy

Laura said...

That is just wrong on so many levels. Where has the rest of her head gone? Creepy.

~Laura

MetalNoir said...

I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Petter M said...

Is it just me, or does "mama" have the jaw line of a man? Either way, I would like to express my most heartfelt *shudder*...

Hippie Mama Kelly said...

Oh my is that gross!! I think I would be really freaked out to walk in somewhere and see that sitting there.

Alix said...

I want desperately to say awful things about this cake because it is so deserving, but in truth... it made me bust out laughing. What a work of art! Too bad you didn't post it for Halloween since it looks like a fairly severly decayed pregnant mummy giving birth - OR - how about a Halloween/Thanksgiving combo cake: mummy giving birth in a turkey roasting pan? Classy.

Your site is hilarious and a superb start to my day. Thanks Jen.

Alixandra Hice
http://casahice.blogspot.com

sharkiepatronus said...

was it UPRISE or SUPRISE?

Um... I wouldn't eat it, thats for sure

CC said...

Run Frances Run!!(Don't ask what that means, because I have no clue, it's just the first thing that came to mind when I saw this!)

Alix said...

PS: Nice vericose veins!

Real Live Lesbian said...

I'll take the belly button!

EW!

Elvira said...

I'm going to have nightmares from this post! However, had the hospital allowed me to have cake while I was in labor I might have enjoyed the whole experience more!

OhMyAntlers said...

UPRISE???? Say what?

gergir said...

It also looks enormous (see the chairs and the people in the background?). Apart from that, I think this shows a great sense of humour on the part of the birthing centre people.

Hi Kooky said...

Wha? Yet another cake viewing that has rendered me speechless. But that's what I come here for! Thanks!

Leslie said...

This is....gag inducing at best. She looks sweaty and miserable and...hmm. Is that wash cloth draped over her eyes edible? *gnaw gnaw gnaw*
This reminds me less of a birthing cake and more of a torture cake. Then again the two seem to be fairly synonymous.

rrr said...

Too bad we can't get an action shot on one of these with everyone standing around with forks in their hands and crumbs on their faces and pieces missing from the victim, I mean cake.

heather said...

But what's with "UPRISE"? Is the sex a surprise? Is the cake a surprise (I bet it was)! I've given birth in a bathtub, and I can say with 100% certainty that I wouldn't eat anything out of that sucker!

Trevor said...

OMGWTFBBQ?! And I thought the Oliva cake was bad (okay, I still do... and in thinking about it, I think she's still worse)! Still, I do want to know what "Uprise" is. Maybe that's something I'm better off not knowing? And maybe they're really a cake birthing center?!

Diana said...

Eww? Not only teeth, it has half a skull! It looks like she was half decapitated by helicopter blades (day of the dead anyone?)

And...Urprise?

stamazoid said...

i have no words....

RooManda said...

I'm a big fan of the 'water' on the cake plate, along with the broken up "Happy Birth" on top, and "Day" on the side of the cake. Someone never learned how to make small letters. And is that stuble under the left knee? Or is it just mooshed up cake? Yummmmy.

joyce said...

And then they called in the future pathologists to do a dissection?

Yuck.

pepperjackcandy said...

"Uprise"?

marlise116 said...

I've laughed at your blog for a while, but I'm coming out of lurking for this. This cake is the first one that I think has the potential to haunt me so much that I'll never want to eat cake again. But, I'm really coming out of the "lurk zone" because I'm hoping somebody has an explanation for the "uprise" sign on the side of the tub. What is that about?....or do I want to know?

Kate said...

Can someone explain the "uprise" sign on the front? I guess I am just slow but I dont get it. Oh and Ewwwwww.

Mary said...

Must be one of those birthing centers that uses the hot tubs. Still not a great cake concept. Maybe if they'd made it more cartoony...

photoJENic said...

OMGosh! It's a corpse cake! The skin, the *teeth*, eek! It's disturbing in so many ways...

Lisa said...

Am I the only one who thought of the painting of Marat murdered in his bathtub?

http://www.brynmawr.edu/hart/Syllabi/levine/HART%20107%202006/1794%20David%20Marat.jpg

writtenwyrdd said...

I'm glad to know the, erm, stylistic choice was dictated by the fact that it was a birthing center. And the teeth ARE rather creepy. Also is the shiny buttercreamery frosting that both makes the poor gal look both wet and sweaty.

word verification: colacide

MagsP said...

I can't wait to dive into some delicious soap scum. Yum!

Valarie said...

I see no hair. And it kind of looks like a man.
Too much excitement for one day, I'm going back to bed.

Anonymous said...

Holy Cannoli! What were they drinking when they thought this was a good idea? Horrifying!

KIM :-) said...

That is horribly disturbing.....

Anonymous said...

Umm, ewww.

It looks like mama had the top of her head removed.

CB said...

This has got to be the most terrifying cake ever! Why would someone think this was a good idea?!

Anonymous said...

YOWZA That's quite a cake.

Susan - said...

Cutting into that and seeing red velvet "innerds" would be too too much!

RecoveringActor said...

My main concern... what the heck does "Uprise" mean? And I love how the top of the cake says "happy birth" and the side says "day..."

Anonymous said...

I know I will be having nightmares for days that will be featuring this wrecktastic, teeth-including cake. YIKES!!! Oh, thanks for including the second picture so that we may fully understand the scale of the cake.

Jewelz said...

K, seriously?! Ew. It looks more like a pot-bellied man than a woman! The face and neck are totally masculine! Is she IN labour?!

Anonymous said...

EWWWW!! I've never left a comment before, but EWWWWWW! That is the ickiest thing I've ever seen. Teeth cake...appetizing.

Melinda said...

HAIR?!!!! Oh-you mean on her head! WHEW!

Becky B said...

That is truly horrific, I'm afraid to see what might top it.

lisa said...

Is it me or does "mama" have a really strong chin and look like a man?

Lancastermom said...

Interesting is the only word I can come up with.... I don't think I could eat this cake.

Beth said...

It's obviously a cake for the Pregnant Secessionists Club, hence the "Uprise" sign.

LBrianne said...

How disturbing! Also, is it just me or does this cake look like a MAN?!? I mean, look at the size of "her" neck! And that jawline...It's like Arnold in "Junior" all over again... eew.

Moon said...

Hair? It doesn't even look as though she has the upper third of her SKULL!

*shiver*

Rebecca said...

I think that the birthday cake is hiding a special surprise. I do believe she's giving birth, or am I the only one to see a head and ear?

Erin Emigh Stanford said...

That is absolutely insane! I just can't believe how far they went with that one!

BTW, LOVE your blog! It's definitely my favorite on my list!

Heather said...

Ohhh.Dear.

Oooooooh Dear. Birthing center or not... uhhh tacky.

Nightmare inducing. Ohhhh Dear.

VanessaS said...

Oh for the love of all that's good and holy!

Erin T. said...

This cake is so wrong on so may levels...

Erin

Vashti said...

NO, NO, NO!!!! This is so wrong! At first i thought it was a really potbellied man due to the very strong jaw line! its sick!

Robin Brodeur said...

Ugh. With this Skeletor face I think you should have posted it for Halloween.

Marie said...

Oh my, that is nearly traumatizing.

My Ice Cream Diary said...

And the pregnant cake has major man neck to boot. If I ever look that freaky when I'm pregnant I hope someone will put me out of my misery by slicing me up into tiny pieces and serving me on dessert plates.

April said...

!

Yikes

My Ice Cream Diary said...

P.S. Are those remnants of a weak bubble bath or is it just body scrudge floating on the surface of the water?

our3qtgirlz said...

I know you had to be saving this one for the day after the election--I thought nothing could possibly pull get me thinking past the election results :( ...I should have known CakeWrecks could! :)

Now I can't get past this cakewreck-- but at least I can laugh at that! :)

I have to add...OH...MY. I don't...know...what to say.

Kari Ann said...

I'm wondering why they even bothered to put a "cloth" over the woman's face, let alone why the secondary cake is in that rather... strategic spot.

And speaking of that second cake, there are some serious spacing issues going on there: "Happy Birth" are written on top, and "Day" is on the side. Pick a surface and stick to it, for crying out loud!

As a nice final Wrecktastic touch, I also love the lack of the "S" on the "uprise" banner. Just awesome.

annenahm said...

Where's the back of her head?! It's like a horror movie prop.

Nimras said...

Oh. My. *covers eyes*

That cake may very well give me nightmares.

Angela said...

uprise? at first i thought it was a tragic misspelling of SURPRISE, like for a surprise baby shower? but oh no. maybe the birthing center is called Uprise? which is a WEIRD name for a birthing center...it's a quandary.

sues2u2 said...

That is just WRONG!

Allison said...

Wow. While I'm probably not as surprised as I once would have been by this mom-strosity, having been a faithful cake follower from the beginning, I'm confused about the "UPRISE" sign...maybe I'm being obtuse, but could somebody help me out here?

Kimberly said...

okay, this is way past creepy.. who eats the face, or the STRAINING neck muscles... good grief!

Amy said...

Wow. I really don't know what to say....and that's saying a lot!

Fluffy Cow said...

Oh my.. that woman just farted a cake!

shanna said...

delurking to say...it looks like she's been in the bath a little too long! she's a bit pruney! either that or she's taking a bath in embalming fluid because she looks mummified!

how do you decide which piece to eat? who wants the belly button? the boob? left or right?

Denise said...

OK, I saw this and my first thought (also uttered out loud) was Ewwww!

Tracy F. said...

I would also like to know the significance of it saying "UPRISE" on the tub. Seriously are we supposed to attack the poor woman giving birth to a cake...it it some kind of crazy mutation. I mean really...who thought this was a good idea?

amanda said...

I...don't even...have...words...

Emily said...

In my humble opinion... this is the scariest cake I have ever seen.

Gayle Carline said...

Even if you were brave enough to have a piece o' mama - how thick/tall are the slices from the belly? I mean, even if it wasn't gross (sweaty icing? eew), they'd just be huge. No. No thank you.

Jeanette Engler said...

Jeanette EEEEEEEEE
hehe, but thats ok

Vonniej said...

Did somebody already start nomming on the head, or is there any other reason in particular half of her head is missing?

M K Glass said...

Cake Wreck? More like a cake DISASTER! That is definitely one of the most disturbing cakes you have brought to us yet.

Just a slight step up from using too much brown frosting, or a spelling mistake, huh?

Do you think there are any professional cake decorators out there who say "um, I'm sorry, but no, I don't think I can make that cake."?

Wow.

Sarah S said...

That is totally disturbing! Can just mention what the heck is up with the sign? Is it supossed to say 'surprise'?

Jen said...

I'm not sure what's more disturbing - that someone requested a cake that looks like a pregnant woman in a tub (and lifesize at that!) or that someone would agree to making it...

mlanezoo said...

What I want to know is - did they mean to leave the S off? I mean, the cake IS enough to cause an uprise...

Carrie said...

This is so incredibly desturbing I don't even know where to begin...however I do think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth if that gives you any idea!!!

Anonymous said...

This is beyond disgusting! So wrong on so many levels. And what is the "UPRISE" all about?

J. Applebee said...

I am absolutely speechless. This wreck has crossed a line.

My colleague who sits next to me has just left the room after glimpsing my screen. I don't know whether he's going to be sick, or if he's going to report me for looking at these kind of horrible images on work time.

Wrong, wrong, wrong!

Phoenix said...

Oh man, a baby cake on that little plate would have been hilarious!! What would be even better, though, would be an edible baby under the water, being born. Lots of red food coloring in the bathwater...

Yeah... I've got a sick, sick mind.

Karin said...

Oh wow - Mama's legs look like they have varicose veins (the icing is strange)... double ewwwww

amyd said...

So disturbing.

Christina said...

That cake is HUGE! And a little terrifying

JordanBaker said...

"Uprise?" I assumed at first it was a spelling error. . .or is it inciting us to riot?

The Seeker said...

Wow.. that is disgusting!

Remembering how nauseous I was when pregnant, that certainly would have frightened the heck out of me for giving birth, and I probably would have puked!

Loth said...

Not only does that cake have teeth, it appears to be a man. A naked, pregnant man in a bath. *shudder*

Jenny said...

looking at that makes me feel sick. I was eating my yogurt and had to stop. Yack!

HotCake said...

The face looks like a mummy! I was looking at King Tut and other mummies faces yesterday in an article and this cake is eerily similar.

It really isn't life like at all... I don't think it was a good idea! Icky!

rrr said...

Eeew, do you think when they cut open the tummy there is a cake baby inside?
Bleah!

Hyla Waldron said...

Yuk!

Really Really gross on all accounts!
~Hyla
From GreenEarthJourney

Anonymous said...

oh my god. i can't imagine anyone cutting her belly and eating it.
Kind of ... gross?

coeurdechoeur said...

Hair? It looks like she doesn't have a top to her head. It looks like it's been cut off above the eyes.

Suzyhomemaker said...

I'm all for home birth but this is ridiculous. Seriously. Who says "HEY! Lets make a cake of a woman giving birth! OH! And lets add teeth and a towel over her eyes to make it look more realistic."

How do people do that and then sleep well at night, especially knowing this site is out there :)

Leslie said...

OMG

Funnelcloud Rachel said...

A cake should never look like something that was rolled out from the morgue.

Bleeeecccchhhhh!

Linz said...

That was really gross. The skin was all wrinkled like a decaying corpse you see on TV. Ugh. Just plain nasty.

ajnabi said...

No. Noooooo. I had a waterbirth and there is no way I would want to eat its dessert recreation.

Anonymous said...

Well now, that's just too disturbing for words! BTW, loved the Monty Python reference, love your blog!

thepreppyprincess said...

Oh dear.

This is just too frightening. Did she have bad plastic surgery...? Is that where the rest of her face went?

What a great wreck.
tp

Laurie said...

I think that UPRISE is the name of the bakery in Columbia MO that made this cake for Columbia's birthing center's first birthday gala. NOT that that excuses this cake wreck!

Missy said...

Okay, when Jen wondered if "mama" had hair, I don't think she was referring to her head. EWWWW!

And I haven't looked at the full-size pic (and I don't think I want to) but I wondered if the baby had been delivered, and is balancing that mini-cake on it's head? That's kinda what it looks like is happening... gross!

Sara L. said...

Ewwww. "Silence of the Lambs", anyone?

Becky B said...

Well, she IS eating for two, afterall! Hilareous.

Anonymous said...

WTF!

Anonymous said...

It's a good thing I wasn't invited to the party. I'm sure I would have blurted out in a loud voice, "Where is the tacky person who thought *that* was a good idea?!"

"Uprise" is what the contents of your stomach do when you see this cake. Blech.

Kate said...

I'm sorry. Did she just give birth to a cake?

--Kate

mrsmac said...

wow. even mom's eyes are covered so she doesn't have to look at the cake.

Sara said...

Eww...just...ewww

CrazyKwilter said...

Every thought that came to mind has already been posted in, and in under 2 hours Eastern Time!!! moderated at that. Do we all sit here and wait for another Cake Wreck?

I think everyone involved in making this cake needs therapy, and some of us need it just from viewing it.

This is one serious case of Cake Wreckosity.
You made my day...

Jamie said...

That's a man, baby!

Alix said...

I just thought of something...

This cake deserves major props as a teen pregnancy deterrent!

Jen said...

Totally awful. It looks like the top of her head is missing too. Even if the 'washcloth' covers her hair, there's not enough skull there. Morbid.

Davey said...

I too love a good Monty Python reference. Well done.

Beth said...

I do believe I've found the answer to the mystery:

http://www.columbiahl.com/calendar.php

About a third of the way down the page under October 17th:

"Columbia Community Birth Center's First Annual Cake and Champagne Gala.

Perlow-Stevens Gallery, [address], 7 pm.
Seven local bakeries, including The Upper Crust and Uprise Bakery, will be competing for the best "Birth-Day" cake. Come eat cake, drink champagne, and enjoy music by the Bel Airs while supporting Missouri's only freestanding birth center. Tickets are $30. Purchase at participating bakeries or call [phone number]."

So, being from Kansas and naturally pre-biased against Missouri, I am now somehow not surprised by this.

Sari said...

Don't you just want to be a fly on the wall when this cake was delivered? Do you think the people in charge at the birthing center stood around and said, "Yup - that's a fine looking cake. Good idea everyone! That's just what we wanted."???

Anonymous said...

I searched Uprise on line, and found Uprise Bakery. Are they advertising that they created this????

Gina said...

That might be the worst (best?) one yet. That's just terrifying.

Jessie said...

Ok, I get that some people want to embrace the great miracle of birth & all, but seriously? Naked pregnant lady cakes? Gross.

I also question who thought that after a long day of helping women give birth, the birthing center employees would want to gather round and eat an enormous cake that looks like one their clients in labor. A sweaty manly client, at that.

Finally, what is the point of that silly little cake in the tub? I don't think it was put there to censor the woman, since its set away from her body and those "special parts" are underwater anyway. Furthermore, the baker didn't feel the need to censor the rest of her...

Buggy said...

WOW! What part of this cake sounded like a good idea? EEEEUUUWWW!

(And I am one to eat gross cakes, but this one...no way.)

Nicole said...

That's just disturbing.

Anonymous said...

thats just really disturbing.

Buggy said...

GAAAH! THE HORROR! This cake is from the town where I went to undergraduate and graduate school! And for a birthing center that I am familiar with!

IF ONLY THEY HAD ASKED ME, I WOULD HAVE STOPPED THEM!!

And Beth, you Jayhawker! Stop dissing Missouri. I've seen equally bad stuff in Lawrence, KS. Just because Kansas has a fantastic governor doesn't mean they are better at everything....

Anonymous said...

I'm having to fight the urge to vomit! Yuck!!!

Laylabean said...

That is beyond horrible. What were they thinking?

Muffin Pants said...

i think i'm going to be sick.
how would you even choose your piece?
"Oh I'll take a bit of the knee" or "Cut me a piece the old belly" Not to mention the horror of the person served the..errr...crotch region....

Anonymous said...

Jen,
it's possible that UPRISE is an acronym for Uterine Prolapse Research Information Support and Education.

It would make sense.

Doesn't make this wreck any less of a wreck though!

Another Jen.

Anonymous said...

That looks more like a corpse on the autopsy room wash bay. Look at the death pallor! The rigor setting in! Ahhhhh!
~Amy B.

Corey Wilde said...

That's the most disgusting cake I've seen. It's actually grosser than the fungus foot, and I didn't think such a thing was possible.

Megan said...

Um yeah. I'm pretty creeped out by this one! Nasty! Who would actually want to EAT this?

ad said...

It's not a MOMMY cake, it's a MUMMY cake.

Anne said...

Never posted here before but...I just want to say how incredibly grateful I am that I didn´t have to watch that cake get cut!

CaliGirl9 said...

This looks like something designed by Charles Manson's "Family."

So which of the "girls" designed this "miscarriage" of a cake? Squeaky? Sandy Good? Leslie van Houten? Patricia Krenwinkel? (Susan Atkins is said to be too ill to do anything ...)

Not only is this a wreck, it's positively homicidal.

Anonymous said...

Why did you sensor it, you old fart?

Maire said...

eeeeewwwww

really


eeeeeewwwwww



but thanks because i am no longer considering lunch as an option.

Mary Ellen

Persnickety Ticker said...

That's just all kinds of wrong...WTF happened to the rest of her head? I wonder if the teeth are edible?

I'm gonna need therapy after this wreck...

Miriam said...

the "person" looks dead. Ick.

inspector voyeur said...

I have a request. Most people might think this strange, but if I am going to be subjected to something this bad then I want the whole experience. I understand the pictures in the blog are censored for obvious reasons, however, I would be very happy if you could include a link to the uncensored picture. Thanks.

Rachel's Roost said...

Oh. My. Gosh.

myf said...

That seriously is the worst cake I've ever seen. What on earth possessed anyone to make that monstrosity?!? It takes a lot to make me feel queasy, but that cake has certainly managed it

TexPatriate said...

Oh. Mah. Head.

31 flavors of wrong.

And that is all I have to say about that.

(Nope -- I was wrong. . . eeeeeeee)

mary said...

Not only horrifying, but probably also expensive, right? That's a lot of work for such a tasteless cake.

She really looks like she's in terrible pain, with the bared teeth and the compresses on the face... just what I want dessert to depict.

The Courteous Chihuahua said...

See??...this is why I check the site early in the morning. First time I check during lunch, and this is what I get. I am sickened on every possible level.

RenegadeFilmSnob said...

This cake officially scares me.

I'm sure that after working all day at a birthing center this was exactly what the workers wanted to see.

Becky said...

Oh my god. That is seriously disturbing.

Anonymous said...

Lisa said...

Am I the only one who thought of the painting of Marat murdered in his bathtub?


No, Lisa, that was my first thought as well. Along with Ewwwwwwwwwww! and WTF. And a number of other things, all of which have already been posted.

Beth: Good work finding out the back story. Your Google-Fu is strong!

Lady C

lizziehoop said...

I don't know about anyone else but when I was pregnant there was no way my ass was going to fit in that shallow a tub without a more X-rated view. No more cake (or kids) for me!

Sarah said...

Wrong. On SO many different levels. Just wrong

QueenSkankarella said...

I know that she's supposed to be given birth, but my first impression is that she's going to wake up any moment and discover that her kidneys are gone.

janet said...

cakes + vaginas = EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW...

ksaldria said...

You know, this cake would probably make a great scary Halloween decoration. But that's about all it's good for o.O

Passion Fruit said...

I'm slightly disturbed by the sheen, the lumpy legs, the teeth (ogod.), the 2/3s head, the murky green water (what's in there!) and the sheer dimensions of this thing!
Not to mention the two chairs pulled up to the side of it. What is that about, a carving ceremony?

Ren said...

I lOVE that the censor bar is done in perspective! Nice touch.

Alix said...

God. I keep coming back. This site is like a crack addiction to me. I get online early and envision a virtual line down the street and around the blook of Cakewrecks each morning before the first post goes up.

One final comment... Has anyone noticed how sad the suggestion of the bathtub drawing is? Kind of like, this really isn't a cake woman in three inches of sludgy cake water - noooo - it's an elegant ball and claw footed tub! See? See the drawing? Too funny.

Jen said...

@ anon from 12:11pm -

I actually cracked up at being called an old fart, so thanks for the chuckles. ;)

And I'm guessing you meant "censor", not "sensor". Anyway, I did it because a LOT of people look at this at work, and I try to keep the site around a PG rating. I also didn't want to be responsible for a lot of vomit-drenched keyboards out there.

Inspector Voyeur, these pics were sent as attachments, so I'm afraid I don't have a link to share. Maybe one of the girls who submitted it does, though?

Melissa said...

That is beyond disturbing! Sick and wrong!!!

Anonymous said...

It was actually made by Uprise Bakery in Columbia Missouri. It was a contest that seven bakeries entered to make a "birthday" cake for a birthing center. Ewwwwww....

Anonymous said...

This is the nastiest, most confusing, most insane cake you have ever posted, and that's saying a lot. Do we have any more info about it?

Aimee said...

Ew. This is so wrong on so many levels.

What's Her Face said...

Mama's throat makes her look like a man.

evil cake lady said...

Seeing as most laboring mothers are sweaty and shiny, and I'm all for waterbirth, I can kind of appreciate the concept of this cake.
But the execution? NO. No No No No NO.

Dea said...

What's with the blindfold on Mama??? EEEEW....this is wrong on SO many levels....blegh...

Who wants a piece of the birth-fluid infused "water" pieces??? Mmmm, nummy....

Bryde said...

See why I am child-free (and happy)????Geez,if ever there was any childed thoughts in my head,I could vomit them out now.

Yeah,birth is such a beautiful gift.....*smirk*,maybe THAT is what they thought this would convey.

And yeah,I thought of the body in the tub from Silence of the Lambs myself.Perhaps Buffalo Bill had the idea for this anatomy lesson?

Blech!!!!!!!

Calantha said...

Well.....um.....I....yeah, I have no words except "Who the frell thought this was a good idea?"

Laurie said...

What is wrong with people!?!? I guess this wont make my blog.

mama said...

It will take all the nurses in the center to pull her out of the tub!Oh wait, its not real, just a cake. Relax everyone.

Anonymous said...

Anyone else grossed out by the fact that the little cake is iced in the same fleshy frosting as the "momma" cake? Blech. Makes that just as inedible as the rest of this wreck IMHO.

I can't decide if she'd/it'd be more or less creepy without the towel covering the eyes...

And she does look as if the top of her head is missing. Perhaps to be served with fava beans and a nice chianti?

momofonefornow said...

gah!!! It looks like she is bathing in a tub of blue worms! Sick.

Jenipeep said...

I totally thought this was a twisted homage to that famous painting of Jean-Paul Marat slayed in his bathtub during the French Revolution.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Death_of_Marat

At least that would explain the "Uprise" part...

September said...

So when they cut into the cake will a cake baby be on the inside?.. ok.. too disturbing.

ar_kay_tee said...

I think this is the worst cake you've posted thus far. I shuddered when I saw it. So gross on so many levels.

Heather said...

Why? Why, Why, Why?

*walks off shaking head*

Anonymous said...

I didn't know that Resusie Annie was pregnant!
We practice on her at the hospital for CPR technique.

Anonymous said...

gross, just gross. I mean seriously, these bakers need to stop hitting the bong before designing their cakes.

tankgirlmomma said...

So, apparently this is for a Gala of some type. (Here is the link with a small amount of information: http://www.columbiahl.com/calendar.php)

It was a competition and UPRISE is the name of the bakery that made that cake. It is a competition to see who can make the best 'birth' day cake. Get it? Yeah, still really odd.

Barb said...

Well, Jen, congratulations.

You finally did it.

I could have eaten around Olivia's childbirth experience. I could have closed my eyes and dived into any one of the CCC wrecks. (I'm not proud, okay?) I pictured me attacking the Bridezilla cake with a fork and serious ferocity. I thought I could eat them all.

Well, no more.

I can honestly say that me and my size 14 butt don't want to go near a cake right now. That's a first.

This hermamphrodidic (sp?) disaster is honestly beyond words. Heck, the lunch I just ate is threatening an uprise! The slimy bathwater, the mini cake placed in the "perfect" spot, the missing cranium, the leg stubble, it's just SO wrong.

Wow.

Just wow.

Oh, and by the way, I am grateful for the censoring that was done. Truly grateful.

MamaT said...

That is the most manly looking Mama I have ever seen. There are just so many things wrong with that! And, Why on earth would someone want to eat a cake that is between Mama's legs.
I thought I had seen it all. Wrong!

Tarah said...

Oh, oh, oh...
I found the uprise answer. It it the name of the bakery.
They called it the "best" birth day cake.

Here is what I found

Columbia Community Birth Center's First Annual Cake and Champagne Gala.

Perlow-Stevens Gallery, 812 East Broadway, 7 pm.
Seven local bakeries, including The Upper Crust and Uprise Bakery, will be competing for the best "Birth-Day" cake. Come eat cake, drink champagne, and enjoy music by the Bel Airs while supporting Missouri's only freestanding birth center. Tickets are $30. Purchase at participating bakeries.

Keeping It Sane said...

I just can't stop looking at it. Its a man, in a birthing tub? Its got teeth. Its.... um, wow.

Havocec said...

Does this look like the bathtub scene from the Shining to anyone?

*shudders* This is all so very wrong and ack inducing.

Aunt Annie said...

I am only hoping that today isn't anyone's first visit to cake wrecks. This one is so very creepy that they might never dare come back.

Katie said...

Definitely some execution problems there, but nonetheless, the concept is AWESOME. I bet the midwives and nurses laughed their butts off. These are people who need a strong stomach for the sheer grossness of the human body, and who (in my limited experience)usually have a wicked sense of humor about it. I dig it.

Katie

Nancy D. said...

I thought that was some monsterous beer gut guy in a bathtub before I read the story.

So wrong on so many levels....

thepipers said...

horrified. simply horrified.

Kathy McC said...

That is the most mental thing I have ever seen. It looks like someone who drowned in the tub...

So scary.

Knitty said...

UPRISE is obviously an acronym for

Ultra
Pregnant
Rita (or with that jawline, Roger?) Is
Seriously
Exhausted

Now don't you all feel bad about making fun of her? She should just have a little cake and she'd feel so much better.

The Hyperlexian Aspie said...

oh, lord. the face looks skeletal and frankly, um, deceased.

Anonymous said...

Truly atrocious.

-Julie

Marissa said...

ok. i actually liked the cake that appeared to have baby shooting up out of the mama via c-section but this cake is vile. if i was to show up at this event, i wouldn't have given this birthing center my business just for the sheer principle that they are gross. she had teeth but no top of the head? that's right.... she has done LOST HER MIND!!!

Anonymous said...

Why has no one noted that this is not only a naked birthing woman with tweeh cake in a tub cake wreck...but a LIFE SIZED naked birthing woman with teeth in a tub cake?

look at the chairs and the people behind the table....

Etiquette Bitch said...

disgusting, disgusting, disgusting. yecch.

anna bling said...

a woman i talked to had guests and made bread @ her homebirth - slacker. a cake would have been so much more of a crowd pleaser. i mean, if you're already @ a homebirth, you might as well eat some cake. maybe the sugar takes the edge off (hence the cake in the tub)...i guess @ that point, you wouldn't care if there was a rump roast in the tub with you - you just want the baby OUT.

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