Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Oh, Mama!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Who's ready for some life-sized, potentially-nightmare-inducing, definitely traumatizing, yet fortuitously-censored CAKE? Hmm?

Settle down, now, all of you; there's enough here for everyone:

(Heh, you guys thought the FIRST censored Cake Wreck was bad...)

What's that? What do you mean, you all only want a piece of the little birthday cake? You can't ALL have that: who's going to eat the legs? The belly? The.. er...tracts of land? C'mon, you'll love it: mama's made of red velvet!*

:)

Here's an even "better" angle:


John would like me to point out that this cake has teeth. And there are so many things wrong with that statement, I don't even know where to begin.

Here's some good news, though: this wasn't for a baby shower! Yay! Nope, it was served at a birthing center event. As to why the "mom" has a cake in the tub with her, though - and in that particular spot - well, you got me. I'm just glad they didn't make it into an edible baby.
Also, I've heard of cakes sweating before, but this brings it to a while 'nother level. A really shiny, gross level.

I actually had this submitted twice, by both Gina & Jeanette E. Hey girls, I'm dying to know: did "mama" have any hair? I can't quite tell from the photos. (I mean on her HEAD, you sick people, you.)


* Ok, you got me: I don't actually know what kind of cake this was.

UPDATE: I too thought that they just left the "s" off "surprise" at first, but then it would have been "urprise", not "uprise". Unless they spelled it wrong, and THEN left the "s" off - hah, double wreck! Or, I suppose it could be the name of the center.
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Anonymous said...

AAAAGH! MY EYES!! SOMEBODY GOUGE THEM OUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!

Deborah Godin said...

No one can have a piece of that cake until the CSIs have cleared the scene...

FreedomFirst said...

Ooooooohhhhh, gross! Oh that is nasty. Nasty nasty nasty. Plus the fact that she looks like a man! Aaaack!

Kimmy said...

i really wish i wasn't pregnant, and having to see this.

of course, even if i weren't pregnant, i would wish i hadn't seen this.

Jill Elizabeth said...

This is one of the most disturbing things I have ever seen in my life. I'm with cottagecheap: cakewrecks diet! Because I have no appetite anymore.

Gretchen said...

It's all been said. DISGUSTING!

Melanie said...

Ewwww!

The top of her head is completely gone... I guess now Sylar has the ability to make hideous cakes.

The Mistress of Cakes said...

I have a blog that is all about beautiful cakes and wow do I come across some truly horrible cakes..I thought about doing a blog about the butt ugly cakes that burn my eyes on a daily basis but it seems to me that you got it covered. Thank for spreading the butt ugly cake message. Just remember once a cake is in your mouth they all taste the same...er...sometimes...sometimes they taste like crap if my mother's cakes are any indicator.

Anonymous said...

Where is the top of her head?

MaryO said...

Wrong and gross on sooooo many levels. You really have to have a set of brass ones to serve up a wreck like this! My stomach did a slow roll after viewing this wreck. So sad.

MyCatsRule said...

It could be worse: imagine the bakers making a cake for the proctology or gynecological center. Ew, nevermind.

Wendy said...

I'm confused about the black bar over her breasts...Why didn't they just give her a sports bra or something? I mean Cakewrecks didn't put that bar there, right?

Claire said...

disgusting. the she looks like a corpse, especially in the face - and why does she only have half of a head? it looks like they just gave up when they got to the towel.

Anonymous said...

Oh my god, this is utterly nauseating. It looks like a body in a shallow roasting pan.

thenewsarahsundae said...

Ew. That is all I can think of right now. It's too creepy.

Miss Sunshine said...

WHY? Why do they do this? When did this seem like a good idea at all?

Wow. I want to puke.
I need some of that "special" pufferfish cake. Those things are adorable.

Shellie said...

I don't see the big deal.

I think its beautiful!

DL said...

Wow. Just wow. I think this definitely deserves to be part of the "Best of Cakewrecks" collection. Wow.

A Paperback Writer said...

Y'know, I just went to Body Worlds 3 a few weeks ago, and it was fascinating and not at all sickening.
This, on the other hand, is vomit-inducing.
So, if you carve into her belly, is that a C-section? Is there one of those edible baby cakes inside?
And red velvet cake is disgusting anyway, in this case it would be close to illegal.
Was this cake decorator a relative of Jeffrey Dahmer?

Of course, this cake would have its uses. Rather than at a birthing center, where it might cause trauma in a mother-to-be and negatively affect a fetus, this creation should never be eaten, but should be laquered over and carted to every teen pregancy prevention lecture given to young girls in the state where it was made. I cannot imagine a more effective birth-control device than this.

Anonymous said...

Is it just me, or does "mama" have the jawline of Julia Roberts?

Anonymous said...

thx beth for the back story...but does that mean this was the *winning* cake???
also, i thought water births (at a birthing *center* were done in bigger and deeper tubs - so the midwife/delivery assistant could help and so the baby doesn't just torpedo its soft head into the bottom.

rrr: yes, i thought of skeletor as well.

yuck

TB Tabby said...

This is highly disturbing to me, and I have a pregnancy fetish.

Robyn V. said...

*shiver*
Yuck!
*gagging*
Whew...that is disgusting!!

Anonymous said...

I'd like to clear up one thing first off - the cake was not red velvet, it was actually chocolate and it was quite tasty. This cake was for a birth center fundraiser function that was also a cake competition. The birth center does many water births and this cake was FUNNY and FANTASTIC. It actually won the competition for both design and all-around best cake, voted on by all the guests of the gala. Lighten up and open your minds, it's just a cake with a fun concept for a birth center!

Kahla said...

**shudder** That is just plain disturbing.

Anonymous said...

Ok, I showed this to a friend who is a birthing center nurse. She asked a question that would really just make this cake. "Was there a red gelatin placenta inside that thing?"

You may all go vomit now.

Emily MG said...

Ya'll are never going to believe what UPRISE is referring to. I *think* it's an acronym for Uterine Prolapse Research, Information, Support & Education. Uterine Prolapse is when the uterus descends into the vagina. A serious condition indeed -- I'm a mom to 2 little kids and preggers; I am NOT about to make light of U.P. -- but how inappropriate is it to have a CAKE about it?

Check this site for more info: http://groups.msn.com/ChoiceforProlapse/_homepage.msnw?pgmarket=en-au

Lorias said...

okay my stab at the Uprise thing...(pun intended :-))

I'm venturing a guess that it is a woman's empowerment statement. Sort of rise up to the occassion, push yourself to the limit, forget the epidurals, and all that stuff and push that watermelon er baby out.

The cake is awful... who in their right mind would want to eat a cake of a woman in labor, in a hot tub, looking like death warmed over and naked to boot? Ugggh

Afaque said...

OMG!...
definitely a wreckage...
i felt like... yukh! i cant even describe it...

Walk On said...

Ewwwwwwwwwww.....

Cake Wrecks is very unlikely to top this one for sheer grossness.

Ever.

I did, however, have the same thought I did back when I first saw the baby cakes...wonder if there's a red jelly filling just under the top layer?

Really would be the perfect touch, dontcha think?

robyn said...

I too, find it rather sick that the tub woman is obviously missing her brain, like some grotesque ancephalic child. Really gives me the willies more than anything else about this cake.

Lizard said...

http://www.columbiahl.com/calendar.php

I have decided this is what it's about. A birth center was having a gala. They had a contest for the best "birth-day" cake, and the Uprise bakery was one of the entrants.

I am a midwife. I own a birth center. That cake freaked me out, especially the teeth and the 'washcloth' on her forehead. Too. Much. Realism. but at least it wasn't an edible baby.

amie979 said...

I searched uprise birth and this is what came up...could be connected?? I def could be way off here!!

Columbia Community Birth Center's First Annual Cake and Champagne Gala.
Perlow-Stevens Gallery, 812 East Broadway, 7 pm.
Seven local bakeries, including

The Upper Crust and Uprise Bakery, will be competing for the best "Birth-Day" cake. Come eat cake, drink champagne, and enjoy music by the Bel Airs while supporting Missouri's only freestanding birth center. Tickets are $30. Purchase at participating bakeries or call XXX-XXXX

Anonymous said...

That looks like one of the bodies in the cadaver lab at school, missing the top of its head and all.

Are you supposed to stand at the back and name all 12 nerves coming off the brain?

Anonymous said...

A little extra googling finds the very attractive announcement for the event:
http://www.birthcolumbia.org/News.html
The bakery doesn't appear to have a website.
-The Librarian

Anonymous said...

Once I stopped thinking WTF,
I too thought of the "Death of Marat"... I mean, the positioning is similar, bathtub, mannish... uh wow.

cupcakefan said...

I think this just goes to show that just because you can doesn't mean you should.


That is just nasty.

Anonymous said...

UGH....seriously, where DO people get these ideas from???

otherwise, LOVE this blog!! keep up the fab work!

NDL :o)

Mad Hatter said...

Must be water birth, dont know what to say about that cake, looks like a fat belly man.

Mary said...

My favorite part is the "day" on the side of the cake. I know they meant it but it still cracks me up! =)

indianasme said...

I have had 24 hours for this image to "soak" in! And all I have to say is GROSS! This is by far one of the most disgusting cakes that I have ever seen. Had to de-lurk myself for this one...

Missy said...

If this is the winner, I wanna know what the losing cakes looked like. I can't imagine anything being worse than this! Unless there was a cake re-creation of a newborn baby covered in placenta & fluids. That would be nastier...

adozeneggs said...

The most vile thing I've ever seen!

Chris said...

A little late for Halloween, no?

Megan said...

Throwing up in my mouth!!

meshealle said...

She's a man, baby!

I think maybe it has a bandana over its hair to keep the sweat from dripping in its eyes.

I can't assign it a pronoun because I don't know what to call a man who's giving birth in a tub of water with a cake between his legs. The whole situation begs for a new pronoun.

Once again, you have made me laugh!

(meshealle.blogspot.com)

Sassy said...

Um, that makes me want to never eat cake AGAIN.

Felicia said...

That has got to be the most frightening thing - ever. (She says, girding her loins against giving birth. Furbabies all the way!)

Felicia

ScarlettO said...

Oh....my...

5elementknitr said...

Also, the little cake has "Happy Birth" on the top and "Day" on the side.

The whole thing screams WTF????

Amy said...

I know this is wrong, but I really want to see photos of the cake after people ate some, if they ate any.

Patty said...

I looked up UPRISE and this is what it is...Uterine Prolapse: Research, Information, Support & Education

How's that for gross?

Anonymous said...

Um, why does it look more like a MAN giving birth than a WOMAN? I think that's what creeped me out the most!!

Anonymous said...

OMG- the horror! Like A TLC A Baby's Story. . .the confection. . .

Ak, I just threw up a little. . .

Niina said...

Two weeks ago I got rid of my Facebook- account. I may have to get a new one just to be able to spread this hideousness as far as possible. It's not fair that, in my circuit of friends, I'm the only one with eyes burning.

Amanda said...

I'm due in December, and all I can say is I'm glad I'm haveing a repeat csection now..... Ewwwwww.

JRM said...

My 3 year old just said "That's a skeleton having tea in the bathtub." My poor pregnant bladder almost leaked all over my chair!

Anonymous said...

I gave birth to my second baby in a tub (a little bigger than this one of course) and even I think this cake is a little yuckola. So many more beautiful images I can think of to represent the birthing/pregnant mother! oh well.

Tammi said...

The cake "mom" might actually have like the water over her belly, not out of the water. And not in a traditional hospital birthing position - this was for a birth center, no?

Cute, though.

Anonymous said...

What really gets me is that it obviously took a lot of time and effort to design and construct this cake. During all those hours and possibly days, not ONE person took a step back, looked at the cake and said, "Uh...guys, is a giant, lumpy-skinned, sweat-slick bloated dismembered corpse cake floating in a pan with a small skin-covered cake between its legs really the kind of dessert we want people to associate with our bakery, assuming we want anyone to order from us ever again?"

Anonymous said...

Okay I'm sorry if this is repeated, but the "body" part looks like something off CSI, like a body that sat in a bathtub too long and was turning to soup....*gags*

DeeDee said...

I was there!

This cake was one of seven that were submitted to our fundraiser gala event.

There were prizes awarded for the categories of looks, taste and concept (get it?).
Dare ya to pick which 2 categories this cake won!

This cake was the hit of the evening, and was definitely presented very tongue in cheek.
Everyone got the joke, and we all took lots of funny pictures around it.

The best part of the evening?
The cake tasted delicious - and I took home an entire breast to my family.
Oh, and the breasts were very real looking...no black bars across them.

Thank you to Uprise Bakery for your hard work and all the laughs.
The gala was a huge success and we all look forward to your submission next year - I just don't know how you are going to top it!

DeeDee Folkerts
Midwife - Columbia Community Birth Center

Amy said...

So is the green stuff supposed to be water or meconium in the amniotic fluid?

Tana said...

Honey, I know that I am on the West Coast, and there is not a chance in hell that ONE of my comments would float to the top, but you failed to make one of the most IMPORTANT points in the world.

They used LITHOS as the cake font. Didn't anyone catch that? Hello, MTV from 1994. I used it first!

Lithos is now a second-degree crime: everyone knows that using PAPYRUS for any occasion should be punishable by death, and I've been saying that for at least six years. One hilarious gay designer friend says: "Just say it will look like a lesbian day spa!"

Lithos, alas, looks like Birkenstocks meets Betsy Johnson. It is Neolithic.

RAZZ THE FONTS, GAL! And geez, can't you auto-publish your posts so they hit at 11PM on the West Coast, to give some of us a cracking chance?

Thanks for all you do.

[/MoveOn.org slogan]

Sharon said...

No pun intended but that one takes the cake!

Amanda said...

I can't quit laughing at the sickening cake and all the hilarious comments. Thanks for making my day.

I seriously thought it was a cake of a dead MAN in a tub when I first saw it. Maybe for a crime scene investigator's conference or something. But after you asked about the hair...look closely, am I the only one that sees what looks like a blonde ponytail back behind him/her? Maybe???

*Shudder* Either way, it takes the prize for WORST CAKE EVER!

Scrivvet said...

Holy Jesus, it IS. Jean-Paul Marat, murdered in his bathtub! I saw his death mask in Madame Tussaud's, and my first thought was "Either that is the coolest cake ever, or the worst cake ever."

Death mask: http://lh5.ggpht.com/_ye8Y7v64-xc/SCoY4d79VaI/AAAAAAAACVg/6VSGUpLkC-o/IMGP0620.JPG

kate said...

Wow! She can birth cakes? I wish I could do that!! "Hang on, I brought desert. Nuuuhhhhhh..."

Ms Ashley said...

Wow... I think I'd throw up if I saw this...

I've tagged you, because you I love your blog, it's my daily pick me up! See my blog for more details: http://cupcakingirl.blogspot.com/

The Goddess of Ugly Belly Dance Costumes said...

That's scary: it looks like a pregant male zombi! It could have escaped from a b-grade movie...

What's in a Name? said...

TOTALLY thought it was a weird Marat cake. Especially with "uprise" on the side of the tub. It just needs a little Charlotte Corday lurking somewhere with a kitchen knife (they can use it to slice the cake).

Anonymous said...

This cake was made in Columbia, MO by a famous little bakery named "Uprise."

Silvia said...

that... "thing" totally looks like a man!

Mindy said...

I am mildly sick to my stomach, and I work in health care. I have seen far worse than this irl, but GOO! I should add that the label "creepy cakes" is an understatement.

Lise said...

Oh,Eek.
Pardon me for saying this,but it looks remarkably like the photos of the corpse of Sharon Tate at the Manson murder crime scene.Once that horrible thought enters your head,it seems less like a cake & more a work of the devil.
Do not Want!

Anonymous said...

Move over Pinhead, here comes the Cenobite Mom! :-)

Sarah C. said...

I think it's supposed to be Arnold Swarchenegger in Junior...only he had a c-section. Anyway...way creepy.

Darah said...

I was at this birth center event and can clarify a few things...Uprise is the name of the bakery that made the cake, the cake is a chocolate cake, the woman is in the tub because she is having a water birth. This birth center provides out of hospital birth either at their center or in the woman's home and the majority of the births are water births (the mother delivers her baby in the water). This cake was amazing and was quite a sight in person. I thought it was fun and well-made, guests enjoyed it too. Some were shocked and unsure what to think, many loved it, needless to say it was entertaining.

The birth centers website with photos from this event:
http://birthcolumbia.org/CCBC_Gala.html

http://www.waterbirth.org/mc/page.do
go here for more information about water birth

Anonymous said...

I would be completely throwing up if the was a head hanging out if "there".

jill pautler said...

You just don't get it. Giving birth is a painful process, hence the clenched jaw. The woman is wearing a bandanna on her head and has a towel over her forehead. Both are real, not cake. From the neck down, she is all cake, chocolate with cream cheese frosting. Uprise is the name of a bakery, and a damn fine one, where they encourage their bakers to go crazy when the occasion calls for it. Bakers were invited to enter cakes into a competition celebrating birth. There were no rules, and creativity was encouraged. All of the guests loved this cake, and how true to life it was. those who ran the birth center were thrilled. I am the baker who made this cake, and i'm immensely proud of it! there were no mistakes here, it's a celebration of the birth-day. that's why the words are on separate planes. I won the competition, by the way, so you can all go back to your cookie-cutter cake world, and i'll keep making creative masterpieces when the opportunities arise.

Jill Pautler columbia, mo
cook, baker, cake decorator, artist

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