Wow, I don't know about you guys, but I am just itching for some cake right now. Or maybe just itching. Is that blood? Sweet!(And before you ask, yes, I DO feel rather silly for censoring plastic boobs. Happy?)
Ah, nothing captures the essence of celebration quite like crumbling moldy icing and decapitated clown heads, am I right or am I right? Those customers will be pouring in any second now, I'm sure.Or how about this one, sure to entice all the would-be brides out there:
Just ignore that fly on the top tier; he's been stuck there for a few weeks now, so we're pretty sure he's dead. Oh, and the flowers?
We call that color "perfect patina". It was inspired by the rusting water pipes in our basement. The dust really completes the look, don't you think?Here's another one for the happy couple on their Big Day:
Ok, so the bride and groom's eyes have melted down their faces, and his hand has made a break for it down his leg. (Heh - "made a break for it") Even so, I have no doubt that the overall design of the bride huffily facing away from the groom and with her bags packed down below is a top seller.UPDATE: Some of you have asked if all of these came from the same bakery. Nope! This lovely assortment represents *three* separate bakeries, and I believe all of them were open for business at the time. Ain't it great?
Thanks to Wreckporters Extraordinaire Monique R. and Melissa J.!
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157 comments | Post a Comment
wait... i don't get it. is this shop CLOSED?
please, give me some context. this isn't just a cake wreck, this is just downright bizarre. and... unhealthy!
Those melted eyes, urgh! I close my own eyes and its all I can see argh!
There is something truly wrong about those cakes (and those bakeries). I wanted to look away, but I just couldn't.
Shame on anyone who orders cakes from there based on those examples.
And that's some sad latticework going on on that wedding cake too.
Oh, ew, ew, EWWWWW. Just gross. They look like items from a haunted bakery shop. The clown one is the "best"!
I have to thank you for your blog. I was sent here yesterday by Beth and you have quickly become one of my favorite blogs. Some of the cakes have me laughing so hard I'm crying. Don't we all need a good laugh!
That first cake is an actual scene from my house: me -looking fab, plastic & sexy - yet collecting dust and decaying while waiting for hubby to turn off the TV and pay a smidge of attention to me. The empty booze bottle is a sad, yet authentic touch.
Oh, oh! How gross! That clown one is freaking me out.
Not to gross anyone out further, but that is not DUST...it is fly feces.
Don't ask me how I know.
Yep. Yum.
Hahaha!
You've made my morning yet again!
Which says alot since my workplace flooded (2 feet of swamp/river water - rats, centipedes, spiders, and ringworm) on Tuesday and smells like those cakes look.
Yup, you brought a smile to this face today!
Brianna McCarthy (Passion.Fruit)
http://briannamccarthy.carbonmade.com
You know, at first glance some of those didn't look too bad. I was like "what's wrong with that?" Then I looked closely and was like "EWWW!"
indeed, places with windows need to change their displays from time to time.
Yum... Makes me want to run right out and buy a cake!
yummy! dead clowns and mold. my fav!
Long time reader; first time poster.
Just one thing to say...ugh!
~Jeffrey
Wow.
Cake wrecks so rarely makes me wish I hadn't eaten my breakfast.
I believe these surpass even the podiatrist's icky foot cake in sheer hurl factor.
Egad! Are the top two brown on purpose or from age? Either way it is too scary to think about, can we say ptomaine poisioning? Word verification - plied, as in "I would have to be plied with a LOT of alcohol to even think of eating these cakes!"
Yeeesh. How about next time you start with the least disgusting cake instead of saving it for last? You could have at least eased us into the grossness... :)~
I think I threw up in my mouth a little. Those are so gross, and I am embarrassed for any bakery that would keep those in the window. BARF.
--Kate (redmcfred.blogspot.com)
OMG... that's discusting! :P
I think I'll be holding off on breakfast for a bit. "gag"
Thanks for sharing ;)
Linda :)
:hurls:
Thank you for addressing this problem. I visited a bakery the paper mentioned as having great cookies, but was so turned off by the display cakes. Bleck.
OMG! Seeing that first cake is like going through a time warp. I remember when I was a kid I would go to the donut shop with my dad every Sunday morning to get donuts after church (mind you, I was born in 1979, so tells you how long this cake in particular has probably been there). They had a catalog of cakes you could order and I always wondered who would order a cake with a plastic naked chick draped in some sort of sheer little dress. I mean, it seemed like only guys would like it, but who orders a cake for a bachelor party? Anyway, thanks for the trip down memory lane!
Gack! Who would honestly leave a cake in the window that long? Seriously? The mold positively gives me the heebie jeebies...mostly because I'm the one that cleans out our fridge so I'm usually the one that finds the nasty leftovers of indeterminate origin.
These are beyond wrecks...these are health code violations.
Re: the first wedding cake
What is that top tier sitting on? A cube of tofu?
OK, I've read this whole blog and this is the first one that actually turned my stomach. Even worse than the foot and the pregnant headless woman in the tub. Shouldn't the health department be getting involved at this point?
Tracy O
PS Word verification - reopere - I don't think we can reopere these cakes - just trash them, NOW!
Charming, I'm sure. All the mineral ore and compost in those frostings sure makes me want to get married all over again and march straight into those bakeries for a little consult... with the Health Inspector! But hey - even the FDA has allowable ppm's for insect parts in our foodstuffs, so what the hell.
Alixandra Hice
http://casahice.blogspot.com
ok, that is just disgusting. bleurgh
Haha, I really liked the first one. I love this blog, keep them coming.
oh my god.
Thanks Jen; you've put me off cake for a long, long time here.
If I had an appetite this morning, I would have just lost it.
it would be better to just not put a cake on display at ALL if they can't update them every couple of months!
Those cakes rock! They are just what I needed, I've been trying to loss a few pounds and now seeing them I have no desire to eat anything. . . ever again.
I'm suddenly very glad that I didn't look at this until after I finished breakfast!
ZOMG, those are the funniest and grossest cakes I've ever seen. Someone was awfully proud of their work.
Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)
Is that mold beneath his feet or are his pants melting?
Those clowns do nothing to rehabilitate the image of clowns in general. And the wedding cake with the fly, etc. is just wonderful! I mean it, wonderful...for the Corpse Bride maybe (haha, you thought I was serious for a minute!)
Oh hilarious! The clown cake is the scariest of them all. You are so right about decapitated clown heads.(Although, that's be best kind of clown head, isn't it?)
Thanks for the morning giggles.
I'm not sure you've ever actually made me gag... like, really I'm-going-to-be-sick gag before, but the flowers on that first wedding cake just did it.
Urp.
Ok, those are disgusting...
I remember those scary little clowns though. I had them on a cake of mine when I was a kid (in the 70's)!
Miss Havisham's on her way round to reclaim that wedding cake methinks....
Carol
I think we've now made it very clear why many people are afraid of clowns!
I was about to eat my breakfast. Now I think I might not.
The wedding cake is the most disgusting wreck I've ever seen, even worse than the foot cake. The fly, the moldy flowers...bleargh! It makes me think of the crazy lady in Great Expectations who kept her wedding cake for years. And the first two brown cakes are almost as bad.
DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN. Those are absolutely the most horrible things I've ever seen. Has anyone called the Health Department?? Seriously... that's just not right!
Just when I was thinking about jumping off the diet wagon you put me firmly right back on it. I don't think I will look at cake quite the same way for a while.
I remember those clowns-and-balloons decorations from when I worked in the bakery. I thought they were creepy then...
They are clearly waiting to take the wedding cake with the flowers to Antiques Roadshow. The patina -- sorry -- makes the cake!
That last one is the Indiana Jones wedding cake. Don't look directly at the altar!!!
I wish I hadn't just sat down to eat my bagel when I started looking at these, but I couldn't stop scrolling down to look at them. Grosssss!
Oh come on - can that be for real? It can't be...please...
(and I was going to comment about the censored plastic boobies before I scrolled down!)
Wow. For some reason the word atrocious comes to mind.
I do believe this has added a whole new level to the wrecktastic world of bakeries and cakes gone wrong. And all of a sudden I don't feel so bad about my 2 week old leftovers in my fridge. =)
I have to wonder also about what Amanda said. Is this from a closed and defunct bakery that just hasn't been cleaned out yet? I just have a hard time imagining that someone would leave something in the window THAT long. I guess anything is possible but EWWWWWWWWWWW.
Okay, those are the most disgusting cakes I've ever seen! I'm curious too...was the bakery closed and out of business?? If not, that's just gross! Who would buy a cake from them???
Is this bakery in Chicago by any chance? Because I've seen plenty of bakeries in and around Chicago with exactly these kinds of display "cakes."
The only thing missing is the commercially-supplied posters taped up in the window that have long since been bleached varying shades of blue by the sun. YUM!
Are they props for a new Stephen King movie, The Cake Shop?
I hate clowns so I expected nothing less then gross form a cake with clowns on it.
How long do display cakes last, on average in a display window? Is there a town somewhere caught in some moldering time warp?
You should post a kitten before showing us these cakes. That's what Weasel does to warn us of wicked things coming our way.
You could have posted these cakes yesterday BEFORE I ate half of the leftover birthday cake.
wvotd: Fleca..."I see fly fleca on those cakes."
Nonetheless, keep up the good work.
Ooooh...yum! Would you like a slice of mouldered cake to go with your clotted milk? Heh, heh, heh...
~Amy B.
I so want that little plastic boobies doll! Everything else is a bit gross. I was hoping someone went nuts with green-brown airbrushing until I saw the first wedding cake with just a few decorations rotting away. Ugh.
I think I'm going to be sick :P
GROSS!!! How do they get business with that crap in the window?
Ugh. I never knew cake could be so revolting.
Thanks for the memories---I've seen all those decorations on cake (sans the faceless bride and groom at the end) but I haven't seen them since probably 1991.
Thanks for the trip down memory lane. Apparently some people are still walking it.
Mmmm... visual food poisoning.
All we need is Miss Haversham!
The faces on the bride/groom cake are not melting. The blue is from them crying their eyes out. Which would be appropriate given the content and construction of said cake.
omg, that's TERRIBLE!
That is so disgusting! The wedding cake with the green rusty flowers? EWW! And the second "wedding" cake looks more like a "sorry you're getting a divorce" cake, to me.
But any of them would make me RUN, not walk, away from the bakery.
BLECH!
I think I used those clown heads in my first cake decorating class 8 years ago!
The word, ewwwwwwwwwww comes to mind. Maybe they were Halloween Haunted cakes? Sadly, I'm sure it was some old baker who smells of mothballs and made those in 1972.
jimandgarret.blogspot.com
-Garret-
These would be appropriate with a liitle sign in front that said:
"In memory of our dear departed little old lady cake decorator that passed away 20 years ago!"
Or something like that!
I wonder if really old cakes could be the cause of a storefront window fire?
That first cake has to be from this bakery in Brooklyn. I've passed it many times over the years. If it's not, then we have a duplicate out there and I will hunt it down and take pictures of it. I'm pretty sure that is the one though.
That crazy lady from Great Expectations was Miss Haversham!!
Just can't help wondering what those blotches of white are in the last one. I think it's my mind trying to think about something other than how revolting all of these are.
I wonder what the floor (window) model discount is...
I thought I was hungry . . .
I'm having flashbacks---I'm pretty sure my mother used similar clown heads on one of my brother's b-day cakes when we were kids. It explains a lot, actually....
Great blog. Keep 'em coming!
I'm glad a previous poster mentioned Miss Havisham. I've concluded that you need a whole subsection of superannuated, DOH-condemned cakes: Havisham Hall.
This reminds me of the episode of "Kitchen Nightmares" where Gordon found the stockroom completely overrun by roaches. I'm going to go throw up now. Thanks! ;-P
Those are hilarious! This is a really funny blog; like a lot of people, I too enjoy seeing professional things go horribly wrong, cakes included!
Anna Marie (Rusty, Bandit, and Smokey are my pets)
the top one looks like a rat has had a nibble!
they are so sick!
OHHHHH!!!! I LOVE THIS BLOG!!! And I love that those "cakes" exist (surely, we can all agree that this is a correct use of quotations), if only so that we can comment on them here and make me laugh so hard I scare the people around me. What those...things...really need is to be stamped with a huge sticker that says "You've just been wreckported to cakewrecks.com"
And fabulous Great Expectation references...
Happy Almost Friday~ Bonnie
Word Verification: Kinverma...ummm..I can't come up with anything on that one...
I can't believe anybody trying to sell a cake has these horrible wrecks on display! I mean, it makes for great viewing here but seriously, that has to be reverse advertising for a business. Hey look at us, we have awful cakes! Don't shop here!
I'm digging that zombie bachelor party cake.
I love this post! The other day I walked past a bakery in my neighborhood, and like a good aspiring 'Wrecker, I checked out the cakes in the window. I got excited for a second by what I thought was poor execution and even worse spelling, but when I looked closer I realized it was just cracking with age and several of the letters had fallen off.
Now I realize that neglect can produce wrecks, too! I'm off to take some pictures!
P.S. Don't know about the cakes in this post, but the ones I saw were in the window of a bakery that is open. Doesn't do much business though - wonder why?
I distinctly remember those clowns from an old family birthday photo. Just the kind of thing my grandmother bought... in the late '80s.
Blechh!!
No, Rapunzel, sorry, that's not correct. It really is Miss Havisham. You could look it up.
Ho-lee CRAP! (Crap being the operative word here...)
Are those all at the same place?
And, I don't understand the appeal of the dust-colored frosting and the plastic stuff on top? Even if these all look that way because it IS dust, I've seen this look elsewhere, and it is surreal to me that these are cakes, and someone thought this was an attractive juxtaposition to FOOD.
icky
The one with the fly would have looked okay if it was fresh. As it is; bleurgh.
It's like Mrs. Havisham's house in Great Expectations!
Hahaha! You said his hand make a break for it. That made snort!
I'm gonna have nightmares now...
That is almost enough to make me swear off eating cake forever!!! There should be a warning on this post. haha.
Any day now Stephen King is going to write either a short story OR a book that explains these wrectastic kakes. I think these belong in the Halloween category.
The clown kake(wreck) REALLY, REALLY creeps me out. I can just imagine:
The clock strikes midnight. The clowns PULL themselves up out of the moldy/fly dung speckled icing and go in search of... HUMANS to torture, suck blood or.. well. I think I've taken this line of thought as far as I care to!!
Awesomely gross and very, very scary!
Are these all because you said you'd like to see a Great Expectations wedding cake???
Not the cakewreck post one wants to read when scarfing down a salad...ugh. On a more positive note, perhaps the "cake-acyllin" and "amoxicing" can be used to fight diseases and cure strep throat. Much more soothing than those nasty capsules!
To Graham: As to the "Haversham" "Havisham" question--I wasn't trying to correct anyone; when I wrote "that was Miss Haversham!", it was in response to the person who mentioned the crazy lady in Great Expectations. I actually googled "Haversham" because I couldn't remember how it was spelled and got responses. I should have researched further.
ugh! that is NASTY!!!
Why would a bakery do this to itself???
"And before you ask, yes, I DO feel rather silly for censoring plastic boobs."
Then don't do it.
Censorship is self-tyranny.
Those cakes are terrible, especially that one with the crap colored flowers. who would even want to buy that or better yet...eat it.
Good Lord! Is that a cake depicting a devastating account of clowns stuck in a mudslide?!
(And before you ask, yes, I DO feel rather silly for censoring plastic boobs. Happy?)
Then please stop. There is nothing here that needs censoring and you have never posted one that did. Censoreship is wrong and these are just cakes. Let it go and just post them in all their horrifying glory.
These are so gross! They make me want to never eat cake again! Well, of course, until tonight when I'm with my girlfriends at a holiday boutique... But no cake for at least a few hours!
Those cakes give me the shivers. :(
Ew, ew, and more ew.
It's a Boozy Bimbo on the Beach! And it is oddly fascinating to me.
Is it supposed to be gold, and is that because the plastic sex bomb is meant to be sitting on a beach? The little plastic palm tree is suggestive of that interpretation, and there appears to be writing in the 'sand' too (though I can't tell what it says, and maybe it's graffiti -- you know, like "wash me" on a dirty car window). But then: Pink roses?
Or was it originally all pink, which has just gone brown and dusty with age? In which case: Plastic palm tree?
Furthermore: Why does the "invitingly" posed plastic sex bomb have only ONE wineglass? And, for that matter, why is the wineglass larger than the wine bottle? Or is that a whole empty bottle?!
Is there any explanation for this bizarre justaposition of objects? Probably not, but I can't help trying to figure it out!
doesn't the first one kind of look like sand was dumped on it?
*shudders* Oh, and the clowns on the second seriously give me the willies...they look like they're dead!
Ewwwwww! Where's the health dept. when you need them?
EW! Isn't this forbidden or something? Don't you have a health authority that checks on food stores?
Our fillings are: Botulism, e-coli and ebola. Guaranteed to cleanse your colon and end your life. Additional flies are extra.
We'll even video tape you in your death throes for posterity. Questions or comments may be referred to management. Oh wait, they accidentally had cake for desert last night.
Is it wrong that I find the faceless bride and groom fascinating? That's the kind of cake you'd see at the creepiest wedding in the world ...
And what possible, possible occasion would need the first cake? Is there some strange public holiday that I don't know about, 'Go get naked and drunk on the beach' Day? Who would order that, and why???
that is just gross!
word verification- quing
Those cakes are definatly very quing
Ewwww, the close-up of the wedding cake flowers made me heave! That's just disgusting!!! Ewwwwwwww!
Oh dear God. I gagged a little reading this. Truly.
Is there something written in the "sand" on the first cake or is it just me? It looks like it says "Help" o.o
That clown cake reminds me of "It" by Stephen King.
Creepy.
It's Miss Havisham's wedding cake!!!!
I think that first one is for a wife making a suggestion to her husband. Maybe that lady isn't getting enough action! (She is living on a desereted beach you know.) Okay in reality, why would you even order that cake even if it wasn't 100 years old???? lol
I know I've seen that first one somewhere else--isn't it quite literally an antique cake, as in one someone for serious brought into Antique Roadshow? Because I know I've seen it before. Maaaan, now this is gonna bug me.
If it is, in fact, an antique cake, I don't feel right picking on it. That's like making fun of my grandmother's dress; sure, it might not be fashionable, but it's old. It deserves some respect. D:
Those flowers are actually disgusting.
Thank you for helping me with my diet. Everytime I crave cake, I will think of those pictures.
I love the Miss Havisham cake, with the fake plastic fly and the cocoa dust and cookie crumb flyspecks! Oh...wait...those are the real deal? Awesome!
I would also love to walk into the bakery and demand the Clowns On A Corroded Bronze Parade Float Cake just like they have in their window. It reminds me of the "totally metal" birthday cake from Metalocalypse, where the frosting was actually made from mercury.
My husband says the last picture is a Mr Bill (and Mrs Bill) cake. Ohhhhh nooooo....
Even a cupcake cake, freshly made, would be better than these.
I'm thoroughly disgusted. Moldy cakes still on display? NAAAASSSTTTYYY
I don't know if someone already mentioned this but that second cake looks like something Mrs. Haversham would have. I hope people who order from this cake shop don't have Great Expectations.
Oops, I think I said the second cake, I meant the wedding cake with the nasty "patina".
Ewwww, those melty eyes are straight out of a horror movie. The "patina" is just gross
Holy smokes, batman!
Thank God for digital cameras and the ability to put together picture books of cakes instead of leaving relics lying around for potential customers.
Seriously, what do they put on these things to preserve them? Just nasty!
I'm getting married soon and will die if my cake resembles any of those. The tops ones are horrible, bleh!
Ewwwwwww
Jen - no need to feel embarrassed about censoring the plastic boobs. You've chosen to create a "PG" rated blog, and done a great job of it, too. It's certainly nothing the FCC (don't pronounce THAT phonetically!) doesn't do all the time. It wouldn't surprise me if more than half of the boobs THEY'VE censored at one time or another were plastic, but that's probably a subject for a different blog... ;-)
Ick! Everybody else has said it all in the previous comments.
This post would have been good for Halloween. There is something deeply haunting and morose about these cakes, especially the wedding ones. The moldy one reminds me of the character in "Great Expectations" that hasn't taken off her wedding dress in decades, still waiting for her groom.
These cakes are like an Edgar Allan Poe story, or a Radiohead song in cake form.
I'm going to close all the shades and cry in bed now.
Anyone else reminded of "Great Expectations" and Miss Havisham's moldering wedding feast?
There have been other CW posts that have made me think 'You have GOT to be kidding'. But this one...YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING!
Love the angle on the clown cake pic, BTW: it plays up the sagging, collapsing, tilty cross-eyed horror to best advantage.
One word: EWWWWWWW!
Okay, more than one word -- not only are they gross, but the clown cake looks rather lopsided...
waw u make cake look cute, i lk dat...
CLOWN WARNING PLEASE!
Those cakes and all the comments for hauntings just gave me a great display idea for Halloween and costume idea. The Zombie Bakery and Sweets! (Or should that be feet) I have a year to work on it.
Add some rats and a crazy lady in her wedding dress, and we have a whole Dickens novel.
I definitely saw the top one before as part of an auction or something for "antique cakes". There was one with a dude in a speedo lounging on a beach, too. So. So. Gross.
Oh Jen, thanks for making me laugh out loud for such a long time! I really, really needed that this morning! Love your site!
Are you sure these bakeries didn't get the idea from your July 21, 2008 post? An almost exact (and uncensored, mind you) version of the first cake (with the girl on the beach) was featured by you earlier this year.
Perhaps you've merely triggered an interest in "historic" cakes!
Beth A. in Silver Spring, MD
Gross!!!! The dusty cakes were somehow the worst for me.
word veri: dreary
If the shoe fits...
OMG at first I thought the first cake was a baked meringue cake. yuck
Miss Haversham's wedding cake! How marvelous. All it needs is a few cobwebs.
By the way, this blog is just awesome! I love it.
has anyone called the FDA?
...I feel awful for those poor cakes. I admit I read this blog for the cringe factor (doesn't everyone?), but like many have said before me, I did not ever expect to actually want to throw up at a Cake Wrecks post. This is vile, and really, really sad.
First off: anyone would have to be totally deformed in the head to even be INTERESTED in ordering cakes from those bakeries.
Secondly, just wanted to say I absolutely LOVE your blogs! I've just created a new post on my own that links to yours!
My blog is http://thisorthat12.blogspot.com if you're interested.
Thirdly, seeing those cakes reminded me of this cake decorating shop in another town that had displays that showed really REALLY old cake designs, with all the mould, dead insects and dust included. They were open at the time (3 yrs ago), not sure if they still are...I should check out if they're still open and take some pics eh?
"It's the Silent Hill bakery! Come on down for a cake to satisfy your inner demons [i]and[/i] your sweet tooth!
Silent Hill bakery located on the corner of Disturbing and Imagery across from the dilapidated spooky movie theator.
Yikes. I didn't realize bakeries still displayed real food in their windows anymore. When I worked in a bakery all the window display cakes we made with styrofoam, plastic and clay.
"I didn't realize bakeries still displayed real food in their windows anymore."
These aren't 'real food'. They are styofoam forms decorated with real icing. Yes, they are gross, but it's not like there is a mouldering cake under there.
Why are there naked plastic boobs on top of rotten flowers in the first place?
the first one looks like the apocalypse
Whoa!
The first two are from the same bakery, right? In New York? I used to see either those two cakes or exact replicas of them every Saturday as I passed a certain bakery on my way to Polish school. That was many years ago. Glad to see they're still around.
Wow, I am another viewer who recognizes the first cake from a bakery in Brooklyn... It is so weird to see it here, immortalized forever... albeit unnecessarily, since it's obviously going to be at the bakery forever anyway.
On the moldy wedding cake photo you can see the name of a market reflected in the window. Google the market's name, click the link to google maps, and do 'street view' for that address. Across the street from the market you can see the bakery. Zoom all the way in and you can actually see that moldy cake in the display window.
Ahhh....shades of Miss Havisham
Yum... Makes me want to run right out and buy a cake! :[ x