Between the faded-out colors and crumbled who-knows-what littering her face, Tyra has seen better days.
I can see why the construction crew was called in: this cake-tastrophe not only split the earth asunder, it also rained cigarette ash from the sky. Nice blue border though. Er, why is that there again?
Nah, these aren't Wrecks. They're actually kind of cool, in a bizarre way - so I thought I'd share. The green prickly one in particular fascinates me.
Bummer.
What in the Sam hill is going on here?!? Is that supposed to be Barbie's skirt? Because it looks like some massive icing eruption, with her shooting out of the top like a human cannon ball.
And speaking of eruptions and cannon balls, I hope I don't get in too much trouble for posting these next, honorary "cake" Wrecks:
Really, these have got to be the least phallic looking phalli I've ever seen - so if your kids ask, they're little rocket ships, mkay? Just ignore that little sign. Check out the sweet display setup, too: that yellow plastic bucket is totally selling 'em. And what do you suppose that crumbly bread-ish looking thing is next to it? Wait, scratch that; I don't want to know.
Thanks to eagle-eyed Wreckporters Mark T., Monique R., MR, Rachel D., and Xanna C.
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154 comments | Post a Comment
It's funny that you should mention cigarette ash right after Tyra cause she had a show on recently about a girl that ate cirgarette ashes! Not that I watch that crap, I saw it on The Soup. :)
Funny as, as usual!!
What's with the Willy on the right back corner, someone used their teeth!!
Ouch... pmsl
Um...you're supposed to eat penises in honor of gay pride?
Nooo....that's...noooooo
I am not gay, but I can't imagine I would find that appropriate if I were.
My first thought on the Barbie cake was the standard bachelor party present of a stripper in a cake. Not really age appropriate. :)
Hilarious! The Barbie one looks like she's jumping out of the cake. Poor Barbie, she's only stripping to put herself through med school.
Seriously, that Barbie cake looks like a train wreck. And those gay pride peni? Really? Couldn't they at least taken pride in the product they produce?
Hallie :)
lol, I thought they were some kind of mushroom cookie/cupcake!
No lie, I had a cake like that Barbie one, only my mom used a brunette Barbie knock-off instead (in her defense, I'm a brunette too and it was my 6th birthday) - it was pink, and the cake WAS the skirt. Pretty lady took a header about 3 slices into it.
Wow, that Barbie cake is just... I don't know. You were FAR kinder with that cake than *I* would have been in my description of it.
And the gay pride cookies? Jeeez, what were they thinking on those? Could they be any more stereotypical. *sigh*
lol I was thinking is it remotely possible that the broken construction cake was broken ON PURPOSE??? but then the poor running cake and the phallic mini cakes? Oh my how funny!
lawl. too funny. I shot a wedding on Saturday and the grooms cake said.. "Congratulations "Grooms Name"" Hahahaha. I was like.. inappropriate quotation marks! I thought of Cake Wrecks immediately. I would send it in but you know.. being a client and all, I decided against it. :) So just imagine it for me. :P
its barbie jumping out of a cake for ken!
haha! im SO gonna ask the bakery down the street to make that for a friends bachelor party next month!
Not even going to comment on the pink and yellow willies, LOL! I think I would have cried after making all those icing roses just to have them melt, but certainly wouldn't have displayed it to the whole world >.> And why is it always green? I mean, the rest of the cakes in that display ate beautiful, but the green ones? Who wants to eat cake the color of mold?
Because when I think of gay pride, I think of pastries shaped like wangs!!!
Niiiiice.
That pink monstrosity 'Bummer' cake?... Well that there is very definition of a 'Cake Wreck'
:-)
That last one is so wrong. So. Wrong.
LMAO!
Perhaps the FE on the Barbie cake sign stands for Frosting Eruption. $60??????
That looks like a dead cat next to the, um, chocolate-covered reflex hammers.rmxxyy
If you had not told, I would have sworn those last ones were some kind of weird mushrooms.
If that's Barbie's dress, her legs must be about seven feet long. SCARY!
Wait - that last one could be used as a personality quiz. When I look at it, I only see mushrooms.
Man, just when you thought it couldn't get any worse.... what a shame these people call themselves cake decorators!
That Barbie cake looks like one of those toilet paper roll covers. Appetizing!
LOL, before I read the caption I though the phallic ones were mushrooms!!
The Barbie one isn't a cake - it's a toilet roll cover. Isn't it? Really? You sure about that? Oh.
is that three-tier red one supposed to be erupting, or is it vomiting?
Regarding the bummer cake -- I immediately began hearing MacArthur Park playing in the background:
"Someone left the cake out in the rain..."
I love the Barbie cake...it looks like a stripper jumping out of a giant cake...probably more for a bachelor party than a little girl's birthday.
That blue thing around the construction site must be like the fencing they have up in real life - it does need to be higher though, with some peepholes in it.
The prickly green cake might be a cactus - this is the least disturbing idea that came to me.
I adore this site, you are brilliant!
Any particular reason why one would want Tyra Banks on a cake? Anyone?
Apart from the blue border, I quite like the digging cake. xD
-Kazen
Nice set. As for the last photo... 1) perhaps they're meant to be Segways, 2) If not, is THAT the end they should've dipped in chocolate?
(... sorry, couldn't resist! XD)
"Mommy, what are those?"
"Um, they're, uh, rocket ships! Yeah!"
Oy vey. LOL
P.S. You can post whatever you like--it's your blog!
I honestly thought those last ones were small children's hammers... continuing the construction theme from above. And what's with the "chocolate dipped" look?
Thanks for sharing!
The question is, why are some of those still on display? I mean the point of displays is to lure people into the store so they buy things, if I saw a cracked cake in the window, I'd just walk on by. Your best is supposed to be in those displays.
On the non-wreck picture, I love the white edged roses, on the purple cake top center. Those look fantastic.
I've seen those Barbie cakes before. In fact, I coveted one when I was...ooohhh, about eight. Then again, I never saw one that made me think she was sinking in frosted quicksand before.
Yes, you see shot from a rocket, but I see her going down waiting futilly for Ken to work out how to save her.
I'm morbid that way.
And I guess only men can take pride in their gayness. Where were the little chocolate-dipped vaginas on their separate tin cookie sheet? Would they have gotten their own bucket? Would it have been purple?
Then again, looking at what they did for the boys, I suppose it's a mercy they didn't get all equal opportunity on us.
The Barbie one looks like she is popping out of the cake like a stripper. Scary. I've seen some Barbie cakes where the cake is actually her skirt, and it is very cute. This one, not so much.
I seriously thought the willies were mushrooms, and you were going to comment on them having a resemblance to willies. But, um, well... no.
A Death to Smoochy reference? Very nice, I thought I was the only one who ever saw it :)
Barbie looks like one of those strippers that pops out of a huge cake at a bachelor party.
ewwww. all of these cakes are so gross. Makes me feel nauseous. Thank goodness today is the first day of Ramadan.
I had that Barbie cake for my 5th birthday in 1984. Glad to see it made it beyond my little town. To a 5 year old girl it's the best thing. It's massive dress of cake & frosting then when the cake is gone you have a new doll to dress. very sweet.
That Barbie cake looks a little too much like a creepy looking candle to me. And not at all appetizing.
That must be Stripper Barbie jumping out of a cake at a bachelor party!
Hilarious! Are those gay pride, um things, eclairs?
I just found your blog and have been loving it- it's so great to have a good laugh.
I've been referring everyone I know and put you on my blog roll.
Classic, funny stuff! Love it!
beautiful blog you have jen, nice blend pictures nice themes..
wish you success...
warmst regards from the east...
I'm going for the mushrooms rationale on that last picture.
Mom: "Look honey! Mushroom cookies!"
Kid: "Eeeewww! I hate mushrooms! Can we go to McDonalds?"
60 bucks for a Barbie cake?! Sheesh!
On that last picture, I don't know what's funnier your comments, their misuse of the 's or that they called them willies. LOL!
First time visiting your blog, and I love it. Too funny!
Marianne
Barbie... Looks like a stripper jumping out of the cake.
Obviously the Barbie cake is for an ADULT party. Duh. A stripper jumping out of the cake. :)
SIXTY DOLLARS for a pile of frosting with a Barbie sticking out of it? Yikes.
The middle set are not cakes - it's clearly a milliners shop window, I know because I have a collection of my great aunts hats and they're identical - and I love them too.
Maybe Babs is jumping out of the cake.
Those tiny phallic things are hysterical especially with the sign.
In response to the "Gay Pride" cookies, here are pictures of some Dickerdoodles:
http://www.penny-arcade.com/2008/1/2/
(you have to scroll down a bit.)
They aren't really cake wrecks, because they were purposeful, but I find them hilarious.
I agree with everyone who says the Barbie cake looks like a stripper popping out of the icing. Her arms are even flung up in a leap!
The gay pride "cakes" - that's just wrong.
That's it -- I'm never eating a chocolate ball again!
hard to beleive really the melting cake the phallic symbols rather small sk
lol, the construction one is pretty funny. I wonder if they meant to do that. hmmmm...
OMG the "willie" in the far right hand corner looks like it was broken off! I didn't see it until I clicked on the picture and saw the full size.
I'm addicted to Cake Wrecks!
I got a Barbie cake for a birthday way back in the early 70s. They were common. The skirt/cake was more dome-like, like a princess skirt, and was very cute. The cake you posted, though...weird.
Oh my gosh! This has to be one of my favorite posts. What's with barbies arms? It looks like she's hoping someone will pull her out before she sinks.
The willies look like mushrooms, but not in the standard, willies-look-like-mushroom-caps way....
And the Barbie one looks like Barbie has a new night job...
I totally want my cake to be vomiting out more cake! It reminds me of the drunk frat boys who make Jack-O-Lanterns that also get drunk & vomit out pumpkin innards.
I thought that last picture was of mushroom cakes or something at first.
That crumbly bread-ish looking thing next to the wangs is probably a bread alligator, which probably means this is from that bakery on Fisherman's Warf in San Francisco.
LOVE IT!! Found you through Blogs of Note and just added you to my favorites. I have cake wrecks at home all the time (currently have one posted) it's nice to see even professionals make big ass mistakes!
LOVE IT!
Timi
I knew what those little peen pastries were right away.
Anyone else see Jackass II? Bam Margera was "branded" with just that cookie cutter!
*crickets chirping*
You mean I am the only person who can admit to watching the Jackass movies? LOL
I am going to order a birthday cake for my daughter's 25th day. I'm getting old. I have everything written out and even printed out patterns for the bakery to follow. It is a very reputable bakery, but I just might have to threaten them with popping up on CakeWrecks if they don't do a good job. I believe everyone who works in that bakery is English-speaking anyway.
Actually, the sign next to the penises has the price listed in pounds, so I'm guessing they're in Great Britain somewhere.
That Barbie cake could totally double as a bachelor-party cake if the groomsmen were too cheap to hire an actual woman to pop out.
I love the two-tones of the pride cookies. Like they're wearing little sweaters.
I saw boobies (like that boobie cake from the other day.) Does that mean I'm gay??
The Wang Cakes are amusing, but the fact they've been labeled "Gay Pride" makes me, as a gay man, cringe.
Those dolly cakes are really popular in Texas, and some of them are soooooo ugly.
LOVE this blog.
The bread creature does look like an alligator, but the bakery isn't in San Francisco -- the willy prices are in British pounds.
Perhaps the willies were a further test for an apprentice pastry chef who had just passed Meringue Mushrooms 101 with flying colors.
I have given you-all a lovely I Love Your Blog award over at
http://thevirtualdimemuseum.blogspot.com
- so please do come on by and get it!
The pink cake looks like it threw up on itself!! Blah!
All the folks calling the Barbie cake a cheap stripper cake are missing one important detail.
Her skirt (at the top of the cake) is going the wrong way.
Obviously Barbie was in some sort of terrifying cliff-hanging disaster and managed to fall to safety atop the fluffy, frilly cake.
The arms aren't conveying "surprise!", they're conveying "I lived! Now get me out of this cake crash pad!"
I'm amused that the "Willy cakes" are displayed on a tray that is held up by a yellow bucket. High class there, all around.
I wonder whose idea it was to dip the testicles in chocolate...
Dear God, I think that Barbie is jumping out of the cake, stripper style! Who buys that again?
I absolutely love the look of those green cakes in the window! they look.... idk modern and cute haha. As for the little willies on display. If they are going to make penis cookies for gay pride can't they at least make them bigger? lol. Barbie cake haha. My friend had one when we were little and i remember i thought barbie was part of the cake and tried to eat her head lol.
These are some really creative designs with exception of the gay pride penises
But...but...how can you EAT them...I mean...I couldn't possibly...there's no way I'm sticking one of those little guys in my mouth, and you can't SLICE them because that would be weird...
I simply want to know why anyone would want Tyra on a cake. I don't want Tyra anywhere.
I thought the penises were mushrooms until I looked closer. :-)
I can't believe someone is charging $60 for that Barbie cake. Who would buy that?
My grandma made me a doll cake like the Barbie cake. I was a total tomboy and when she cut it open and I saw it was red velvet cake I thought the doll had bled to death or something. I was horrified... Looking back it was pretty funny.
I love this blog.
The Barbie cake made me think of one of those crocheted thingies that grannies put over the spare roll of toilet paper. That association makes it almost as bad as the penis cookies. But not quite; nothing is as bad as those.
That Barbie cake is just wrong!!
Those rockets dont at all remind of anything I mind find on a man's body.
Poor Tyra.
I would guess that the bread is dragon bread for St. George's Day.
OK - maybe something just LANDED on the pink cake? Because the rest of it looks fine.
If you enlarge the wienie photo, you can see the reflection of a young girl with possibly her mom. It looks like Mom has made her turn her back on the display. Good idea.
The Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS flea market peddled truly awesome penis cookies one year. Remarkably detailed. Somewhere I have a picture.
Wow, I'm glad no one photographed my attempt at a Hello Kitty cake for my niece!
Lee
I like the ones in the third picture, but all the others... until I found this blog, I had no idea how unappealing one could make cake, honestly.
I can't believe this entire blog is dedicated to cake. Although cake is damn tasty.
OMGOSH the Barbie crammed in a volcano cake is too funny.
I can't help but wonder what the thought process was for the baker who decided to display the cake with the flowers sliding off...
"Well, the cake does look pretty wrecktacular because of the slip-sliding decorations, but that IS my best flower work to date. Maybe my potential buyers will be willing to look past the fact that the a/c in my display case is on the fritz."
Unless, the avalanche look was intentional - in which case, that is so wrecktastic!
I thought the phallic picture looked like hammers. I was wondering why someone would need little hammers...and now I wondering the same about what they *really* are.
OMG! I get it! The "willy" cakes are dipped in dark choc at one end, and white choc at the other! And now I've said that, I think I'm going to puke lol.
I refuse to comment on the chocolate balls...
Oh wait... I just did. Grrrr....
I'm loving the Hover Cakes. Very fun.
Cake Wrecks ROCKS!
Very cool, kooky idea for a blog.
The intro reminds me of a line in the song "Even Hitler Had a Girlfriend" by the Mr. T Experience:
"The odds are pretty good, but the goods are pretty odd."
omigawd, your blog is so much fun. who knew there were such bad cakes out there? thanks for the laughs.
Can I add that there is a child behind the penis cake display?
OMG! I have to take a picture of Barbie cakes next time I go by this one big bakery that has similar samples in their window. They're really wrecktastic, but I never thought that they could and should be posted here.
I think it looks like Barbie is actually screaming while being sucked into an icing volcano.
the, um, anatomical one is hilarious, I especially enjoyed the multi- cultural aspect.
My 3 year old daughter saw this and said, look mama, poops!
No honey, other side.
Susan
www.theaccidentalmommy.blogspot.com
LOL – wasn’t there once a kind of Barbie that came with cans of pastel-colored mousse to make her an ‘outfit’? I seem to remember seeing the TV commercials for that when I was a little kid. The end result looked pretty much like that awful cake.
@ kat, re: the eclair willies... OMG... bwaahahaha! Wouldn't surprise me either...
Those are awesome! I really must start looking for wreck on a regular basis now! ;)
It's the Stripper Barbie cake. For when you can't afford the real "Stripper jumps out of a cake" cake.
For what it's worth, those non-wreck (but very green) cakes are probably from a Chinese bakery. The green ones are likely green tea flavored.
It looks like an earthquake hit that construction site...
Has anyone noticed the broken "willy" in the top right corner of the picture? EEK!!!
I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your blog!
I've seen a lot of green cakes in my area, they're "green tea" flavored. They mix green tea powder with a light creme, it's quite popular in Hawaii and very tasty too. :D
I guess the only thing to say about the Barbie cake is . . .
"baby got back"?
Having lived in China, I agree with saxon, those middle cakes look very Chinese! I think they're just lovely. On the off-chance that bakery is in the US, could you please tell me how (or give a hint) to find it? Seriously, I'm in love with those cakes!
And as for the green color, if the Hawaiian poster was right and it's because they're green-tea-flavored... I want the recipe! Green tea ice cream is amazing... I can only imagine how rad the cake version would be.
PLEASE somebody help me find these cakes!
Barbie cakes *can* be done well. This Barbie is too tall and frilly. My guess is that the baker measured the entire Barbie, forgetting that the top half sticks out. As for the frills... no clue.
Until I clicked to see the full size pic I thought the crumbly bread was a sleeping cat!
The green prickly cake might be modeled after durian fruit, which is a stinky but popular fruit in southern Asia.... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Durian
The other cakes were also unusual but pretty.
Wow.. That Barbie cake is the thing nightmares are made of. This remains one of my favorite blogs.
Confession: I have always wanted one of those Barbie cakes. I don't know why.
I laughed so hard(no pun intended) when I saw the sad little gay pride objects.
They looked more like weird little mushrooms to me.
And WOW!...someone was actually trying to sell them?
The Barbie cake reminds me of any pageant dress worn by a six year old!
OMG that pink cake with the melty action brings delight to my cold, black heart. It's like coming in fourth place when they only hand out medals to places 1-3.
Sadly, this may be the designer's best work. The seventh- and eight-place sweets are hiding behind the counter.
I made a Barbie cake once. My daughter loved it. Completely tacky but hey she's a little girl! :)
No, it is a letter T shape, not rocket-ships!
OMG, I had that Barbie cake when I was little -- the same freaking one. OMG. And the thing tasted like hairspray, too. *gag* Thanks for the traumatizing memories!
The barbie cake looks like she might be a suprise at a bachelor party!
I'm pretty sure having nuts all over her face is just a typical day for Tyra.
My son had that same construction cake last year for his bday LOL.
The Construction one is supposed to have a DARK blue border. It's actually on the spec sheet. And the Ash sprinkles are supposed to be black... you know.. the ones that come with the kit.
OWWWWWW!!!! "My" teef hurt.
I thought the penises were mushrooms. Then I read the sign, ewwww!
Hey! I actually had a Barbie cake for my 4th birthday (that was 36 years ago). We had to go to out of state to get it. I lived in a tiny town in North Dakota and had to cross the border into a tiny town in Minnesota to get it from one of the "Most Decorated" cake bakers this side of the Mason Dixon.
That would be a quiche Lizard on the left there.
The Barbie Cake: It's the little kid version of the stripper in the cake! :)
wow im on a roll with actually having some of the cakes you have posted, but actually done WELL.
i had a sweeet barbie cake as a child (thanks mom), and lucky for me the dress didnt look like a volcano about to erupt.
mom was quite the creative one when i was a child. i also had a big bird cake, find any bad ones of those?
I suppose a better place to look for gay pride food products would be Voodoo Doughnuts... First column, fourth down.
As for the barbie cake, yes, that's supposed to be her dress, and they're rather popular, I hear, but they're supposed to look like this.
I recognize the "FE" logo on the sign next to the Barbie cake--it stands for Food Emporium, a supermarket chain here in NY that is currently trying to position itself as upscale. I've seen that particular style of cake at the location near my apartment.
I think doll dress cakes may be pretty popular in the NY area; I had one when I was a kid, but it was executed much better.
My older sister had a similar Barbie cake when she was about 5 or 6. But hers was waaaaaay nicer. The skirt was not so abnormally large. It does resemble a girl jumping out of a cake...Hmmmm...
...Why, pray tell, is the Barbie Cake so darned expensive? I would not pay sixty bucks for it, that's for sure.
Noooo comment on the rather...phallic..mini-cakes.
....I'd totally serve them at a bachelorette party, though. :)
I'm pretty sure the crumbling thing beside the gay pride cakes is a bread animal of some sort. My high school girlfriend's family had a tradition of making them, and a bakery in town here has a few on display.
For some reason, displayed bread animals seem to stay in the window for months... if not years. And they get crumbly and unappetising. I suspect they're more art than food.
(As for the gay pride cakes, of course they're for eating. So are the chocolate wangs, lollipop vulvas, etc, etc. It's just not weird to eat effigies of what you "eat" usually.)
yeah the green spiky one is probably durian, we love durian cakes here in singapore and i've seen some similar in design too
I totally had a Barbie cake like that for my fifth birthday! I remember she had a dress on underneath the icing and my dad pulled her out of the icing and licked it off her butt.
The bread thing next to the penis-cakes looks like the tail/back end (the little lump sticking out on the top side is a foot, I think) of a loaf of bread baked in the shape of a lizard...I know it sounds strange, but when I went to Egypt, the boat we were on would sometimes have them displayed with dinner, and they were actually very nice and creative looking.
Woah, what is with the neon pink cake? It looks like it's vomiting flowers.
Love the chocolate dipped balls, haha, and the large cake that look as though the side of it exploded with your "bummer" comment underneath.
The Barbie cake is not only made by the professionals! My sister (who could be a professional)allowed my then four year old niece to choose which cake to make my dad for his birthday. The winner? A pink Barbie cake.
Seriously? i mean, SERIOUSLY?!
WTF is wrong with whoever thought of the "Brilliant" idea of selling cake penises for gay pride?!
Ive seen a lot of Barbie cakes before, but usually her skirt is a half circle with more of a dress design, rather than. . . Whatever that was supposed to be.
And I didn't read the Gay Pride sign first, so I totally thought they were cute little mushrooms.
I had a Barbie cake when I was a kid. It was most disturbing when I pulled her out of the cake and she had NO LEGS. Scary and traumatizing for a wee tot
There was a bride that actually wore a dress that looked an awful lot like the barbie cake you have here. Check it out:
http://tackyweddings.com/2008/11/06/chav-wedding/
LOVE THIS SITE!
My God...chocolate dipped testicles. Just...my God. Seriously, I'm just a kid but I'm pretty sure gay pride is not all about chocolate...d-dipped...I have to go...someplace.
*HURRRRRKK*
I'm sure if anyone has mentioned this yet but i recognize the crumbly bread thing in the corner of the photo of the willy cakes.
it looks like a broken bread gator's tail.
Which is exactly what it sounds like. A loaf of bread baked in the shape of an alligator.
They also make other animals like hedgehogs and lobsters.
Often, raisins are used for eyes. Pretty creepy in my opinion.
About the BARBIE one? Am i REALLY expected to pay $60 for it? SERIOUSLY?
'Cuz it's probably only worth about $2.