Friday, September 5, 2008

Promises, Promises

Friday, September 5, 2008


Well, at least the cake-giver is precise. Can't have any raised expectations, now, can we?

"It's exactly one time, alright? Not 1.5, not even 1.001 - just ONE. Like to the 3rd decimal: one point zero zero zero. Got it? Now pass me the Advil, and don't go getting all handsy."

Wreckporter Jenifer tells me her hubby found this gem pre-decorated, so any backstory was completely in the mind of the decorator. (There's a scary thought.) You do have to wonder why a puppy dog was chosen to be the bearer of such lackluster news, though. Well, unless that "bow" is actually a grievous head wound; I suppose a dead dog would be appropriately depressing. Hm.

Hey! Speaking of dead dogs:


This poor little pooch looks utterly pooped. Or deceased. One of the two, anyway. And those eyes are waaay too realistic for me: who wants their cake slice to be giving them puppy dog eyes - er, I mean, eye?

Geri C., we'll just save that piece for you, eh?


UPDATE: Many of you have alerted me to the fact that in some countries a decimal point is used instead of a comma, which would make the first cake say "I love 1,000 Time!" However, a) that still makes no sense b) it would also make it grammatically incorrect, and c) it was purchased in the good ol' US of A. So either way, it's still a Wreck.

On a side note, I initially thought of posting a link to Mariah Carey's song "I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time", since that's the first thing that popped into my head. After some consideration, though, I decided I liked you all too much to inflict that kind of torture.
iblogelsewhere said...

the sad part is that these are both pretty well done cakes! but who wants to cut into a puppy?

GREAT site and thanks for the frequent updates. I love it!

Anonymous said...

You sure that it's not I love 1,000 time? That's what I saw when I read it.

unapologetic said...

Are you sure that the first cake isn't from Europe, or another country where they use a period as a grouping mark instead of a comma?

Allyson said...

Okay the dog doesn't only look dead, it looks as if it's being served up in a bed of lettuce. OMG lol...

Amanda said...

It looks like that second dog is lying on a bed of frosting lettuce. Serving him up on a dish becomes even more disturbing!

ros said...

I think it might be 1,000 times? I wondered if it was a phone message error and was supposed to say 'I love you' a thousand times, all over the cake. But then I don't know what the dog is doing there.

Valarie said...

I'm going to assume that with the first cake they were intending to go with the song and forgot the "s"...but what the dog had to do with it, I have NO idea.

The second one is just sad :(

The Courteous Chihuahua said...

The second puppy looks like he's being served up on a bed of lettuce!!

Ruth said...

This is truly digusting. Even if the dog didn't look dead, who would want to eat something that looked just like their beloved pet? Icky.

Funky Kim said...

All the second pooch is missing is an apple in his mouth! Yikes!

Eve Love said...

the second one looks like a dead roasted pig on a table.
creepy.

Chris said...

Well....

It's not as promising as "Love you LONG time"...

I'll take what I can get.

Melissa said...

That dog looks like it should have an apple in its mouth!

Steph said...

That second one looks like he's in a bed of lettuce...like someone should stick an apple in his mouth and throw some sort of freakish luau. *shudder*

Steph

Angie said...

Hmm..... I think that second dog IS dead. I mean check out the lettuce bed he's laying on. The only thing missing is an apple in his mouth

Poetikat said...

The dog itself is creepy enough, but is that meant to be grass or toxic waste that he's lying in? You're so right about those eyes - at least give him fake cartoon candy eyes so we can feel we're not - hey, if they give a piece to the real puppy, then it's "Dog-eat-Dog" right?!!

Kat

With family stress in my life right now - your site is just what I need. Thanks!

P.L. Frederick said...

Bed of lettuce, fire-roasted sheen... wait, where's the apple-in-the-mouth? Hah ha! I'll bet the energetic puppy gobbled it up for his last meal.

P.L. Frederick (Small & Big)

John said...

would "me love you long time" be inappropriate?

Trevor said...

I think that's SUPPOSED to be 1,000, not 1.000. But it sure looks like a decimal. Or, perhaps a badly formed L. I initially thought it says "I love you looong time." which REALLY disturbed me.

Jenni said...

I think that says "I love 1,000 time"...like "I love you times 1,000" but in Engrish.

shoesonwrong said...

Quick, someone check for a little pile of frosting poop behind the second one!

the pope said...

that looks like a dog served up to eat on a lettuce platter. sick.

Sheliza said...

that second cake is very scary! LOL!! Congrats on being a blog of note. That's cool!

muirwoodsue said...

I love your site! It's really makes my day.I am truly amazed at some of the cakes you post.
Thanks so much!
Sue from Michigan

Ed said...

Maybe it's 1,000 Time?

"997, 998, 999, 1,000 - done."

"Next?"

You may be right about that bow actually being a head wound, see how it trails off down the side and almost off the cake.

jen shikami said...

Gah. The dog with lettuce around it really looks like a Thanksgiving roast!

Whether that's 1.000 time or 1,000 times European-style, it still makes nooo sense. It sounds like a countdown ticker to me, like a robot which only has a set quantity of love events built in...

M said...

Just so you know, in Europe and parts of Asia One Thousand is written 1.000 and one point zero zero zero is written 1,000. It's the opposite of the US. Based on the grammar/syntax, I would probably think this is an cake decorator from overseas who thought she was writing "I love you one thousand times"

Jenni said...

LOL. What does "I love you 1.000 time" mean? I thought it was 1,000, and that still doesn't make sense.

HeatherPride said...

If that bottom dog would have had a ball in its mouth it would have looked just like a suckling pig on a bed of lettuce. Which, is what I thought it was at first, until I saw the ears. Creepy.

Anonymous said...

Not to dampen the fun, but many countries use a period were we might use a comma, and vice versa. And in fact I believe that is actually the international standard :P

But that doesn't exactly help it then, does it? As then there is grammar fail (or perhaps a missing 'ng', as amused crude little me)

phillygirl64 said...

In defense of the first cake, in other countries, they do the reverse that we do; where we use a decimal pt, they use a comma, and the commas we would use are actually periods

Tineke said...

In some parts of the world a decimal acts as a comma for numbers and vice versa.

So that could be I love 1,000 time!

Still doesn't make sense though.

The Brady Family said...

That second cake looks like a dog on a bed of lettuce, he's just missing the apple in his mouth. Disturbing.

-Larissa

Mr Fiction said...

Thats how the US sports papers show percentages isn't it? Maybe they love '100%'?

Its still a pretty sad looking dog though....

eldpollard said...

It looks to me that the top cake says 1,000 (one thousand) as opposed to 1.000 (one point zero zero zero) time. Neither one makes sense to be fair.

Edmund.

Kathy said...

Hrm... maybe the decimal point was meant to be a comma? Like I love you a thousand times? Hrm. I guess that doesn't make sense either, huh?

Lizard said...

the eyes are way too realistic, and what is that green stuff? Is it supposed to be grass? Brings new meaning to "waves of grain" since it looks a lot like water.

Gallifrey said...

What about the first dog, are they his legs sticking out the sides all gone green?

Was he dragged along by the pink lead until his legs went green from the grass?

Was the message written/spoken by the dog and that is why it doesn't make sense to us? Oh, don't dogs talk or write?


Great site, I love checking back every day :-)

LeLu said...

I wonder if they use red velvet cake inside the dog, a la Steel Magnolias.

Gross.

Jen said...

Ah, the joys of waiting 3 or 4 hours before publishing comments!

So far, 13 of you made the "served on a bed of lettuce" and/or "apple in the mouth" remark, and 12 of you pointed out the comma/decimal thing. Yikes!

Good times.

Dlandra said...

I love 'long' time?
Long and One could sound the same.

Hope said...

I instantly thought....'me love you long time'. Not better though is it?

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I'm with ros (8.41am) -- seems like instruction-interpretation error, and the cake should be covered in (1,000) "i love u"s (don't ask me where the u/you went -- or maybe it's supposed to be i love [the dog]).

Crochet by Momma J said...

OK - that second puppy is just down right creepy!

The Karate Kid said...

Those cakes are too funny! And too real! I couldn't eat that! I saw you on blogs of note, congrats! Check out my blogs if you get a chance

http://seomadness.blogspot.com

http://curse-of-the-billy-goat.blogspot.com/

Mouko said...

I liked the second cake- not to eat it, though. It was just too dang cute/realistic.

Online Dollar Man said...

Jen,

Never seen anything like your blog before, beautifully humorous cakes, your blog is truely a blog of note if I were to redo the nominations allover.

Sylvester

Lyndsay said...

Re: 1.000 time - Maybe it's someone who really loves working full time. At my job if you work half time it's referred to as 0.5 time, three days a week is 0.6 times, etc.
That's what I though of anyway.

Baxter said...

These are horrific. It's like edible taxidermy.

Kelly said...

I love what you are doing. Your blog is beyond brillant. I check it every day. I think I laugh out loud every time I read it.

My husband always knows when I am checking it because I am doubled over in laughter. Goodness!

I enjoy your blog so much that I nominated you for a Brillant Blogger Award. :o)

Have a good day!

k-bro said...

I'm wondering exactly when "1,000 Time" is. Is it anything like "Miller Time"? If it is, I would love it too.

Or maybe it's like "Hammer Time". *shudder*

Marlene said...

Hi,

Some precision about the coma and dot thing.
I am from Europe (France exactly) and to write one point zero zero zero we indeed put 1,000 but for one thousand we just writte 1 000. So there is no way 1.000 means something for an european decorator.

Best regards and congratulations for your funny blog.

Rick said...

I love the blog - congrat's on being feature. It's all very funny.

http://organizeddoodles.blogspot.com/

Mommy2lilgems said...

Hilarious! Love this blog-saw it on Blogs of note, and so far...I'm cracking up! Do the creators of these cakes submit the photos...or just the witnesses? Whatabout misspelled cakes? My sister and her husband got a "Best Wisehes" cake at on of their showers...

Ronnica said...

Wow. What else to say? That bow on that dog is weird enough in and of itself...

Erin said...

Depending on the way you look at it, the color of the first puppy is freaky. Anyone else see a semi-tranlucent ghost puppy cake with an eery glow? Perhaps, death by head wound?


Ok, it's probably just the color of the photo, but it's oddly mesmorizing like one of those optical illusion "do you see the old lady or the witch?" pictures.

fierytopaz said...

Is it possible that the dog's name is "1.000 time"? That doesn't make a lot of sense as dog names go...but at least it would make sense of the cake!
PS: I love this blog!!!

msyendor said...

Dead puppies. Dead puppies. Dead puppies aren't much fun.

Mom says, 'puppy's days are through.' She's gonna throw him in the stew. Dead puppies aren't much fun. (Oh, no, no.)

Dead ...
D-, d-, dead
... puppies
Dead ...
D-, d-, dead ...
... puppies
Dead puppies aren't much fun. (sob)

--Dead Puppies--
Another classic Dr.Demento hit. Right along with the 'Fish Heads' cakes.
-- long time, card-carrying Dementite

SolaMommy said...

It looks like the decorator of Cake 2 was trying to make "lettuce" with the green icing...like they were presenting a roasted turkey or something. That's just disturbing.

our3qtgirlz said...

I have to agree--the second dog looks like it is being served up on a bed of lettuce--I too was looking for an apple in the mouth.

And, thank you for this blog. I just started reading it last week. I called my sister unable to breath or speak (I think she thought I was a prankster) because I was laughing so hard and double-overred with tears. I now check back daily for a good dose of laughter.

joyce said...

Maybe they are cakes for the folks in China that eat puppies? Eewwww

Feisty Irish Wench said...

I ROFL'd at Baxter's "edible taxidermy" comment....plus it makes an aptly named label for cakes of this variety.

Anonymous said...

Duh, the second dog IS dead and being served up on a bed of lettuce for a low carb meal!!

Clare K. R. Miller said...

I also thought of "me love you long time" for the first one. But here's another theory: maybe the point is that the dog/giver of cake can only love once, sort of a "you are my one true love" message?

Though the bow really does look like a bleeding head wound. Ewww.

Dea said...

What kind of icing is that first dog even MADE of?? It looks like glass....both are thoroughly unappetizing....

No Customer Service said...

I find the tail on the lettuce puppy especially disturbing. I'm certain Ceasar Milan could tell us all what that tail is saying and I'm just as sure it's not pretty.

debbiearnn said...

OK. I"ve got one.
Being a school teacher and all, MAYBE it's kind of like a 100th Day of School celebration.

Hey kids! It's THOUSAND time!!!!!
Don't you LOVE 1,000 time???

Are ya seein' it???

Maybe? Well. OK. Maybe not.

Jayunderscorezero said...

Heh, thanks for just alienating your bad-cake-hating but Mariah Carey-loving fans. ;p

www.phones-news.ru said...

the are very beautiful, but I wouldn't like to eat the dog :)

Anonymous said...

That second dog looks like those roasted pigs on platters with apples in their mouths. Waaaaay too realistic.

Jennie said...

My first impression of the first dog is that it could be the Magic Roundabout character: www.collectorsfigurines.com/magic/mr01.jpg

Meichelle said...

You are seriously the funniest person I have ever known. And when I say known, I mean read.... :)
Thanks for keeping us laughing. :) You're awesome!!
(And isn't it funny how almost everyone has said something about a bed of lettuce and an apple in the mouth. That makes me laugh!)

Meichelle said...

Oh, and even if they did mean it 1,000 times, that still doesn't make any sort of sense...

Anonymous said...

Ladies and gents...

"Me love you long time" was a quote from the movie "Full Metal Jacket" (as I suspect Jon who poseted above knows...)

This was the come-on from the hooker trying to scare up some business from the GIs in Viet Nam!

Too funny...

Anonymous said...

It's like the antithesis of the old "Me love you long time" joke.

"I love you ONCE and that's it."

And it must be pretty hard to eat a cake that's staring up at you so forlornly. Poor doggycake.

thisbagisnotatoy said...

Oy. I'm pretty sure the first cake's message is just something about someone loving someone else a lot, and it happens to be full of errors. But I've enjoyed thinking that perhaps the dog gets walked at 10:00 (or perhaps 1:00) and really loves walk time . . .

Natryn said...

Just found your blog tonight and had to go back and look at ALL of them haha!

FhelZone said...

Nice, the dog looks great lol

fug estate said...

Thousand Time Doggy looks like a baked marshmallow. Love how they did the writing on the piece of cardboard that supports the cake. Who's gonna get to eat the "1,000" that way? Part of the fun of eating cakes is deciding who gets the flowers and the lettering. Bummers. "Now, who wants puppy eyes?" whoa....

And the second one looks like it's nestling in a salad, like a previous commenter said. That's it, I'm throwing out my bag of Fresh Express right now.

violinhunter said...

Never saw anything like it in my life.

Lacey said...

The dog cake on top is made routinely and in many different colors and with different types of bows and flowers decorating its ears and tail at our Wal-Mart here in Tyler, TX. I just thought it was a stupid east Texas thing... but now your post has shown me that this clearly isn't the case.

Either way, I am horrified to eat a cute little dog.

Rachael M. said...

The comments for this are almost as hilarious as the cake. K-bro's suggestion that it might be like "Miller Time" or "Hammer Time" made me giggle snort.

Personally, 1,000 time or 1.000 time is my worst time of day.

;-)

Lisa said...

"I love you 1,000 time" is a song. Here is the link for it.

http://hitparade.ch/showitem.asp?key=159486&cat=s

I haven't heard it before and I don't know if it was The Platters original song... but I'm pretty sure this is what the quote referred to. Why there is a dog?? Don't know :)

Anonymous said...

My theory is that the message was taken by a Spanish-speaking person, and what was really supposed to be on the cake was "I love meal time!" Mil (pronounced like meal) is the Spanish word for a thousand.

Michal-Lynn said...

Maybe it's supposed to be sort of a rip-off of Scooby Doo. Instead of, perhaps, "I love fun time", they wrote "I love 1.000 (pronounced "one") time" so you would say it as Scooby would. If that is the case, it's pretty stupid. Just my 2 cents. It's the first thing that popped into my head when I read it.

Anonymous said...

Where did that weiner dog cake come from? I'd like to know which molds were used because I want to make one for my brother!

Gregory said...

I am actually the person who acquired this frosted wonder. And whose wife was kind enough to share with the whole of internet land. The cake was purchased at that largest or big box retailers whose name might start with a "W". This particular store is located in the northern Midwest, so I don't think European decorators were involved. As far as I know it was one of those pre-made non-custom things. It was sitting there in the cooler and I thought it would make a great conversation piece for our dinner party that night. (It did) It sat on our counter for about a month in all its spender and was never eaten, so I am not sure what type of cake it actually was. Sorry.

Anonymous said...

OMG! My dad's 'lady friend' got me one for easter....i acted like i liked it...but it scared me. I was afraid that if i cut it, there would be red on the inside... :(

Anonymous said...

I swear the 1st cake is made a Publix ... and I for a fact my boss bought one for my co-worker (who has a Shitzu). Definitely terrifying. See for yourself-
http://publix.com/food/catalog/Bakery/DecoratedCakes/Variety/1259/DecoratedCakeDetail.do?id=1259

G.Ma said...

I like this pooch!

Christine Deffendall said...

I think the 1.000 might be a reference to statistics. Specifically, baseball statistics. Someone who hit the ball every time they stepped up to the plate would be rendered as having a batting average (the ratio of hits to "at bats") of 1.000. Unfortunately for ballplayers, the usual batting average is between .260 and .275 (according to Wikipedia). So someone who loves "1.000 time" would be a true love, one whose love never falters. Once again, baseball is a metaphor for life...

Gale said...

I was looking at the first pic of the "puppy" (quotes intended) and my 4 year old son comes by, points at it, and says "What's that, Mommy?"

(Although I will say it was a better dog than a lot of those you've shown...even if a 4 year old couldn't recognize it).

djinn said...

Setting aside the confusing inscription question and focusing instead on the image of a dog together with the word "love", remember that in traditional art the dog represents fidelity. Velazquez, Gainsborough and this wreckerator only intend to show an eternally loyal and devoted love in their work.

Just Ducky said...

Is the dog on a bed of lettuce?

Anonymous said...

Many cake decorators are Asian immigrants. My MIL was one for a while, and a number of the bizarre mistakes make sense if you know the mistakes that Chinese immigrants might make. That's why the "1,000 time"--periods and commas are inverted in usage there, and such a saying (there are no plural forms in Chinese) would be common.

You should read, "I love you a lot!"

And you should realize when a cake looks like it wasn't made by an English-speaking person...it probably wasn't!

--Mimi

Rafe said...

Its not "I love Looo time" is it?