Monday, October 5, 2009

A Long Shot

Monday, October 5, 2009

This is not the post that was originally scheduled for today.


Because the original post - which was written last week, mind you - said the following:

"As some of you know, Jen and I are currently touring around this great country of ours talking about cake, signing books, and trying desperately not to vomit. As of today, Jen has lost two fingers on her signing hand and has twelve different strains of the flu. Other than that, though, the tour's going really rather well."

Yep, that was John being funny, and yep, he apparently has now picked up my uncanny knack for pre-writing posts which foreshadow terrible events. Only this time, it's personal.*

If you're wondering where we are right now, here's a hint:

[crickets chirping]


What do you mean, "that doesn't help any?" C'mon, isn't it obvious? That's only a super-famous sports logo for a super-famous sports team!


Ok, fine, if I have to spoon-feed it to you:

Now do you know where we are?

Er, no, not "the home of the flame-broiled Loch Ness Monster." Sorry. It is the home of the "Longherns," though, if that helps any. I'm surprised you can't see it, though. I mean, don't those cakes look exactly like this?

(I suggest you go look at those Wrecks again now, to better "appreciate" them. Heh.)

Ok, last hint:

What, nothing? Tch. Look, I don't see how this jumbled mass of shotgun shells and strawberries could make it any clearer. [head tilt] Well, unless maybe you held them up to a mirror. Heh. Yeeeah.

Margaret I., Leti S., & Jennifer F., that last one really is in a sorry state, isn't it?

- Related Wreckage: The Tell-Tale Heart

* In the past two days John has suffered a head injury, pneumonia, and a staph infection of the blood. As of this writing he's still in critical condition, and the remainder of the book tour has been canceled. (Because when we wreck a book tour, we wreck a book tour.)
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Lauren said...

:( I'm so sorry. I hope he feels better soon. Best wishes so that you two can get home soon (and out of Texas, yeesh).

AllBlueZoo said...

so, I thought that first pic was a uterus :)

Anonymous said...

Hang in there, John! You are in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

Feel better John, and Jen rest up John doesn't need a registered roommate! Feel better!

queenb said...

John & Jen, I'm so sorry to hear that y'all landed in the, to help you translate what you'll be hearing in a Texas hospital, I found definitions of some Texas Medical Terms:

Benign - What you be after you be eight.
Artery - The study of paintings.
Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria
Barium - What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section - A neighborhood in Rome
Catscan - Searching for Kitty
Cauterize - Make eye contact with her
Colic - A sheep dog
Coma - A punctuation mark
D&C - Where Washington is
Dilate - To live long
Enema - Not a friend
Fester - Quicker than someone else
Fibula - A small lie
G.I.Series - World series of military baseball
Hangnail - What you hang your coat on
Impotent - Distinguished, well known
Labor Pains - Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff - A Doctor's cane
Morbid - A higher offer than I did
Nitrates - Cheaper than day rates
Node - I knew it
Outpatient - A person who has fainted
Pelvis - Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative - A letter carrier
Recovery Room - Place to do upholstery
Rectum - nearly killed him
Secretion - Hiding something
Seizure - Roman emperor
Tablet - A small table
Terminal Illness - Getting sick at the airport
Tumor - More than one
Urine - Opposite of you're out
Varicose - Near by/close by

~Feel better soon!

~ Bonnie B

Anonymous said...

Please take the best care of yourselves. Readers understand, don't worry about the tour.

Q What do you call a cheese that doesn't belong to you?
A Nacho cheese!!!!

Holly said...

Man, I don't envy the either of you. John, stuck in ICU, and Jen, having to sort out the hotels and tour and whatnot. Still, hopefully it helps to know that all your loyal fans want only the best of health for the both of you and wishing you a speedy recovery even from here in Good Ol' Blighty.

As for jokes, I am terrible, but maybe it will incite a smile nonetheless;

Why should you not take a Pokemon into the bathroom with you?

Because it might Pikachu.

Yeah, I know, I did say I was awful :D

Alyson said...

John and Jen,

Long time silent reader.

I just wanted to wish you the best and a speedy recovery.

And I thought the first cake was a uterus...I thought this was going to be happy news : (

Northern Lights said...

We love you!

Wease said...

Here's hoping that John and you get well soon!

This joke is my go-to for St. Patrick's Day; it's not even close to that time of year, but it's still funny!

What's Irish and lives outside?

Patty O'Furniture!


arm2008 said...

So, does a hospital stay mean this will change to jello wrecks? John really doesn't do anything half-way does he? If he is going to be in the hospital he has to strive for critical. Jealous because he didn't have top billing on the tour? Wants the lime light? (Dry humor is my specialty, not funny jokes.) (And I really don't care when the blog is updated or comments posted, it can wait for John to get back on the ball. Besides, even the wrecks make me want to eat cake.)

Psyche said...

I'll be praying to my heathen Gods for John's recovery. Best wishes to both of you, and hopefully we'll see you soon here in NYC!

Noelle said...

I honestly thought the first one was another hysterectomy cake.

(Word verification: "matants," the only kind of people who would enjoy devouring a cake that looks like a uterus)

Anonymous said...

Kudos to you Jen for keeping a sense of humor in such a scary situation. I hope you and John get well soon, and please, no more prognosticating posts. Bad things happen to good people!

Sara R. said...

I'll keep my comment short and simple... Get well soon John! My thoughts are with both of you.

Anonymous said...

My prayers are with you guys. John has a bunch of nurses to take care of be kind to yourself and take the time to eat and sleep and keep some sanity for the both of you:)

rhysd said...

Well. . .I thought the first cake was a bikini gone wrong, the second one was a diagram of the female reproductive tract destined for a OBGYN conference and the last one. . . well. None of them looked Longhorn-ish. oh well, better luck next time.

Dani said...

OMG! How scarry for you both. I hope John gets better realy fast.

BTW I thought that first cake was a pair of panties.

Patty said...

Wow, we are really going to miss you in New York. I'm sending all my best wishes for a speedy recovery.

Here's my favorite corny joke:
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a martini. "I'm sorry," the bartender says, "we don't server food here."

Yar yar. Get well soon!

Janet Mullany said...

Best wishes to you both for a speedy recovery. May we celebrate with appropriate cakes soon.

1anonymousmom said...

oldie but a goodie:
UPS pilots report a problem, UPS maintenance fixes it:
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

SO sorry to hear y'all are not feeling well!
Terri in Houston

Deb said...

I thought the first one was panties and the second a uterus from a rotten corpse. The 3rd one... well there are just no words for that.

I'm sorry to hear John is so so sick. The words "critical condition" scare me a little. Wishes and prayers for a speedy recovery.

Anonymous said...

Jen and John:
I got my copy of your book in the mail yesterday from Amazon, and was soooooooo looking forward to meeting you in Bethesda this week, but alas! Not gonna happen! Pleeeeeeze get better soon, both of you, and don't let this stoopid illness thing keep you from rescheduling, K? You must realize by now, that America needs You!

Melonie said...

Hook 'Em Horns!

Sort of. Not really. My DL went to UT, so he was horrified by the cakes. On the other hand, my DD thought they were jock strap cakes. Nice.

Christa said...

Sorry to hear about the hospital pit stop. We will miss you in Bethesda!

Don't eat the green jello!

VLM said...

Aww...hoping John gets better very soon! (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

Amy in Ontario said...

I'm so sorry to hear this and hope you're both feeling better soon!!

Anonymous said...

Here's a cake w/lyrics that'll make anyone groan. Amusement for John!

And a comic w/a joke! (for those with kids, another word for bosom is used in the comic)

Unknown said...

Oh no! Praying for a speedy recovery for John!

Charla said...

Another one praying! Thanks for the continual humor...your blog is one of my favorite go-to sites each day!

Unknown said...

Well, I did think that first cake was a "steak" cake (rather, CCC), but still . . . I could almost hear a cow mooing in distress!

We're all still "mooing in distress" over your health situation. Head injury? What was that?

Concerned wreckies around the world look forward to both of you being back to "normal" (ahem, definition to be determined by ??). Don't worry about posting to the blog. We can wait.

Germ-free hugs to you both.

Michelle S. said...

Continuing to send good wishes your way. I'm hoping Jon has a speedy recovery and no lasting ill effects from such a nasty systemic infection. Take good care of each other!

Robin said...

As a UT graduate I can honestly say in all my college years the longhorn never made me think of a uterus, but show me one poorly made CCC and...

I believe the first breast augmentation was done in Dallas and they're pretty fond of the procedure, so if any of John's doctors start looking too closely at his chest, pay attention.

So sorry y'all are having such a rough time. Hope they take good care of you.

KatF said...

Sometimes when you take cell phone pictures it reverses the picture. Could that be what happened to that state?
Best wishes on both of your illnesses.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry to hear that John's sill in the Hospital. I'm pulling for a quick recovery! Nothing's worse than being ill and far from home. Take care, guys!

Katie said...

Oh my, Jen and John, this was supposed to be the Cake Wrecks Tour, not Cake Tour Wrecks. What an unfortunate mixup!

I suppose you could look on the bright side by thinking that at least the medical emergency was sufficiently bad that you didn't really have to choose between disappointing people or being miserable (and possibly contagious), the way you would have with a cold or even the swine flu. ICU=get out of tour "free" pass, for some nonstandard values of free.

Get well soon! Y'all are in my thoughts.

Anonymous said...

I so enjoy your site. Check it daily for a great laugh. I hope Jon gets well soon. I will keep him in my prayers. Hope you get over the flu too. (Thought you said you were down with the flu). I was almost considering coming to the Kansas City signing. But hey that saves me a 7-8 hour trip. Hope you guys have a speedy recovery.

Hendo said...

Delurking (only been on the Cake Wrecks journey a couple of months) to say I'm very sorry to hear about your illnesses / injury John, I hope you are getting the best care and are concentrating on getting better. And Jen, look after yourself too!

Mingbot LaRue said...

Oh god that really is a wreck! I am awfully tempted to draw little carrot jokeys travelling down an IV line...

Avid reader from New Zealand, you guys blog is the only thing that gets me through my workdays.

Many get well soon wishes for John, piped horribly and misspelt on an airbrushed cake of course!

Deanna said...

Dear Jen and John,

I've been a long-time lurker on your site, and it is one of the highlights of my day. I'm so sorry to hear that John's under the weather, to say the least. I'm sure I'm not the only one to say this, but if you find yourselves in need of some emergency 'health care reform' in the form of donations, please don't hesitate to ask for a little bit of help from your readers. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. Happy Falker Satherhood to you and yours. Hope you are feeling better soon.


Strawberry Girl said...

Best wishes for a speedy recovery from Toronto!

Unknown said...

While I've been reading your blog for months, I've never commented (I'm just not the commentor type!). But I just had to tell you that my prayers are with you and John. You have become a part of my daily routine and I love your sense of humor. I sincerely hope that he recovers quickly, and know that all of your fans are certainly understanding of the need to cancel the tour. (And those that aren't should just be smacked.)

-Heather DeMeno, Phila, PA

Stacy said...

I so hope everyone is doing better soon. I too thought that first cake was a uterus! Ha Ha!!

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear about John. I hope he (and you) are feeling better soon.

I've never posted before, but discovered your site while looking for wedding cake ideas for my daughter's wedding. I keep coming back for the continuing laughs.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and John.

Cody V said...

Wow... When John gets sick... he really goes all out!

Terrible news that the tour is canceled, I hope you have better luck on the next tour (which will be soon... right? right?!)

Feel better ASAP!

Nicole said...

A Cake-Wrecks-style wish for John:

Get Weel "Soon"!

Darkwitless said...

Prayers, healing thoughts and good wishes for a full quick recovery from another quiet fan.

Fedelm said...

That first cake looked like a uterus to me, and that you were at an OB/Gyn convention. Sending prayers for John to make a full recovery.

Angie said...

I concur with the first Anonymous... we can do without wrecks for a while. You need to rest up & take care of your hubby.

My thoughts & prayers are with you.

Mequet said...

I really hope John gets better soon! Uterus cake always makes me all better:D

Mae said...

Thinking about you guys! Feel better soon!

Andrea said...

I am so sorry for what you two are going through. I work in a hospital (and am planning to study to be an RN), and I see enough cases like John's to know they aren't easy to deal with. Please take care of yourself, and don't worry, your fans are behind you both 250%! Much love and sunshine from this Cali girl!


Matilda the Boxer said...

I'm so amazed you're still posting despite everything going on! I hope John feels better soon, and thanks for the tribute to Texas. :)

Annapolitan said...

Your loyal fans will be here when you get back from sick leave. But please do get better!

Is there anything else we can do besides send good wishes your way? Can we water the plants? Feed the cat? Take in the mail?

Please know that we're all pulling for both of you.

Celia Stogner said...

Seeing that you are both nerds,this pic will make both of you laugh:

I'm looking at my cat right now and trying to figure out a Halloween costume...uhmmmm..


Eva Whitley said...

Dear Universe,

Please stop putting the husbands of some terrific women in the hospital, in critical condition. It was bad enough you did it to me, but I guess that gave you the idea it's OK. It is NOT OK, hear me? Now make John and Joe all better, or I will kick you in the shins.

Your disgruntled friend, Eva

Haiku Joy said...

How to Wreck Book Tours:
Step One - husband gets pregnant.
Um. Step Three - Profit!

Here's hoping that South Park references aren't too out of left field for ICU-inflicted individuals.

Unknown said...

OMG, please take care of yourselves. Honestly, we'll buy the book. You don't have to go on a tour. Seriously!

Mia said...

Head injury??? John, dude, just let the nice nursie take your blood- flailing will only cause additional harm!

Unknown said...

John and Jen,

Hope you're both back on your feet again soon! I've been reading for a while but haven't commented before this. My thoughts are with you.

A joke (it's an old one, but made me laugh):

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew all about it.

If any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys were probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so s he asked if he would speak with her boys.

The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.

The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, 'Do you know where God is, son?'

The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.

So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, 'Where is God?'

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, 'Where is God?'

The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, 'What happe ned?'

The you nger brother, gasping for breath, replied, 'We are in BIG trouble this time,'

'GOD is missing, and they think we did it!

Colette said...

Just a lurker here, but just wanted to say:

You've got lots of people out here sending you guys warm thoughts of love and strength. I've been thinking about you guys, and I hope the situation improves soon. Please be well, and know that you are much loved.

Laura said...

Once again, your amazing sense of humor is with you, through thick and thin! Sending love and fervent prayers for John's full and speedy recovery. Cakewreck fans everywhere care!

Laura in Oregon

Sarah said...

I will add my prayers for a speedy recovery. I appreciate so much the laughter and pleasure you bring to my day.

Haiku Joy said...

John, one heck of an
incapacitated Wreck.
But hey - nice balloons.

Francesca said...

I'm praying for you and John. And hoping this terrible string of events doesn't horrifically taint your feelings towards my home state.

Jynxed said...

My prayers are with you both.

I'm no good with jokes, but I can be punny!

okay, maybe not, but I try!

Anonymous said...

JEN! So sorry! John!! Get well soon!! Thats terrible!!

H-h said...

Hope ya'll will feel better! Take care and get better!

Raleigh, NC

Lauren said...

I saw a uterus in that second one too! It's surprisingly anatomically correct (even without ovaries).

All the best to you and John. I'm wishing him a speedy recovery. Twitter tells me that he's out of ICU now so that's a start!

Unknown said...

I just had to drop by again and let you guys know I'm thinking about you!
John, there is a great web site that does a hospital food bingo, kind of fun to check out...if you aren't having to eat the hospital food...never mind! Don't go there! ;)
I hope you are feeling better soon! Take care!

Gonissa said...

Aw, I hope you guys feel better. Post soon so that we know you're alright!

JennyF said...

Best wishes to John for a full and speedy recovery. I can't believe the two of you can keep your sense of humor during this, it is clearly keeping you going.

Rest up and get better!

Professor Raven said...

Jen & John: Just concentrate on getting well, a tour can always be rescheduled! But this world will be poorer without the Perfect Pair of Propagating Puns!

So, to cheer you up, here's some corny jokes!

How do you catch a Unique Rabbit? You 'neak up on him!
How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way! You 'neak up on him!

How did the elephant hide in the cherry tree?
By painting his toenails red!

How can you tell an elephant has been in your kitchen?
By the peanut butter on his breath!

Jen, try this one on John:
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Interrupting Cow!

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

OK, that should be enough to have you shaking your heads in what I wish was my jokes, that is...

Get better! Tons of well-wishes going out to you!

Anonymous said...

I wanted to check in before I want to bed. Hoping that no news is good news and hoping for really good news in the morning.

Take care,

Emily said...

I'm a long time fan of your site, I've even got my boyfriend hooked! Everyday we cannot wait to see the newest cake disaster (or Sunday Sweet!) We are both so very sorry to hear of John's illness and the cancellation of the tour. I'm sure you were looking forward to it as much as we all were! You are in our thoughts and we wish you both a speedy recovery.

PS - are the wrecks bigger in Texas?

SaundersLM2 said...

Jen, best wishes to John for a speedy recovery

Anonymous said...

I've kept up with your blog for several months now, but only commented once before I think. I just wanted to let you know that I'm praying for you and John. I hope things get better soon!

Anonymous said...

Oh terrible news about John! (and I too, am curious about the head injury - did he see a cake wreck and started ROTFL? Anyhow, in case you're wondering how we become addicted to Cake Wrecks, here's a short video on classical conditioning - it proves things can be learned with the proper feedback (e.g. laughing so hard every day!):
Get Well Soon! Tina

Liz said...

Just sending healing thoughts to you both...and thinking about the ridiculous range of get well cake-wrecks this sort of situation might inspire.
Get well soon!

jody said...

I've never posted before, but I had to - that's awful! Staph is no joke. So sorry, John.

Hope this helps. It's more of an out-loud kind of joke. You have to say the punch line like the cliched music in a porn movie.

"What are the two dirtiest animals in the barnyard?"

"I don't know. Who?"

"Brown chicken brown cow."

Feel better!

Kalani said...

It was so good to meet you guys in Denver and I hope John gets better soon!

Heather said...

So sorry to hear your plans have been derailed. I hope health finds you soon!
Maybe a bad joke will help heal:
What do Vegetarian Zombies eat?

Graaaiins! Grains!

Thank you for frequently making me smile!

ten said...

Oh man, that is terrible news! I hope you both recover completely and quickly.

Unknown said...

Feel better!

Anonymous said...

Critical? Holy crap. I am trying very hard to think happy thoughts for you both. Get better soon, John!

ktree said...

Hi there, I've been a loyal reader for a couple months since I learned of this site. Just wanted to say I'm thinking about you guys and best wishes for John's recovery. If you happen to be in the Waco area, let me know if you need anything!

liliasmom said...

God thought that since he couldn't be everywhere he would make cakes.
Then the devil thought that since he couldn't be everywhere he would make CCCs!
Kinda lame, but it is late for me! Prayers for you both. Very worried, please post updates! See it took John being in the ICU for me to make my comment debut on CakeWrecks! Take care!

Anonymous said...

I hope things get better for you both soon!

As for those cakes, I was sure the first one was a pair of panties.

Petrina said...

Praying for you guys. Get better!!

Boomslang said...

I don't know... that second cake looked more like the world's nastiest thong panty than the Longhorns logo to me.

Amy in Cali said...

I'm not the type to reply to blogs but I am just so sorry to hear you both are sick! Your site was my first ever rss subscription. Thank you for showing me how funny and fun the internet could be! While you guys are sick and bored, I hope I can repay you even a little for all the great laughs you have given me--this link made me laugh myself silly for over an hour yesterday!
(beware, there is profanity)
You both are in my prayers with love.
--SoCal Amy

Anonymous said...

Awww. Being critically ill is no fun. Being critically ill on a big book tour is the worst. In the spirit of the worst, here are my begged, borrowed, and stolen worst jokes ever:

Why can't hippos run for government?
That would be hippocracy.

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.

What do you call two guys hanging from a window?
Kurt n' Rod

What do you call a dog with no legs?
Nothing. He won't come anyway.

That's it.

Best wishes on getting better. I really love your website.

Tyr said...

I was like "Oh Wow, the Fallopian Tubes finally have a team now! Awright!" I was sorely disappointed.

Blossom said...

Maaan! Here I am, native Austinite, out of the state for university, all set to have someone go to Book People so I can live vicariously through them and then BAM. Tragedy strikes. Sheeeesh. You guys need to stop making grim jokes in your posts since so far they've all manifested themselves into flesh.

Stillapill said...

The only thing that would have made those wrecks better would have been if the Longhorn was upside down. (That is how rival teams show disrespect to the University of Texas. And remember, Bevo makes the best burgers. heh heh)

On to the jokes:

Q: Which side of the fish has more scales?

A: The outside!

Q: What kind of bread messes up your picnic?

A: Awry! (Get it? A rye? Ha... oh, never mind...)

Q: What do you call a deaf dog?

A: It doesn't matter, he won't come anyway!

Hoo boy, these are bad. Get well before I am forced to send more!!!

Anonymous said...

first pic, I saw panties
2nd pic, I saw a uterus
3rd pic, didn't see anything, just made me puke and cry at the same time.

And holy heffalumps, with all that's wrong with John, I thought you were joking! Get better soon John!

Anonymous said...

best wished to you both hun for speedy recoveries, positive thoughts and love is coming to you from Downunder. Please nuture & take care of yourself as well as John, illness like this be incredibly hard on everyone.

Kazz in Oz

Ling-Mei said...

Jen and John, hang in there! That's so unfortunate about getting sick on the road -- get better and get home soon!

Helen Around the World said...

Hope you get better soon John !

missyme said...

sending you good wished and prayers. Get well soon and get the hell out of Texas.

Unknown said...

I know I'm just one of hundreds (thousands?) of faceless, anonymous followers, but I really hope John gets well soon. It's horrible that all that happened at once.

Anyway, from one of your loyal Australian followers, GET WELL SOON!

I'd send a get-well cake, but, well.

Alison Douglass said...

My thoughts are with you both for a quick and full recovery.

JO UK said...

Hello Jen,

A little while ago, I posted a comment on one of the Cake Wreck entries - just a quick little throwaway remark (or so I thought). John sent a lovely reply, telling me that I had written so beautifully and that I should really look into being an author. I was having a bad day that particular day and had logged on to get a hearty dose of wreckitude that always guarantees a smile - and John's little reply really galvanised me into pulling my socks up and dusting off a few tucked away dreams.

Anyway. I'm really sorry to hear the news that John's not well. I'm not the praying type but you and John are in my thoughts and I'm certainly sending some get well soon vibes from across the pond.

I spent some time in Dallas in the early 1990s and my main recollections were: chicken-fried steak (what's *that* about?!), Shiner beer, women with *really* big hair, being picked up by the police because I went for a walk to the lake near where I was living (they were incredulous that I wasn't driving - but then when they heard me speak said: "Oh! You're a *BRIT*!" ) and people stopping me in the street to hear my accent . . .

I hope you're both home safe in your own beds very soon. Hugs to you and John.

Jo UK said...

Oh, and for a bit of amusement and to remind you Yanks of what the British health service is like (I know you're all loving that topic at the moment :-P ) take a look at:

which you may possibly find an interesting diversion whilst you're out of action . . .


ACM said...

Aw I'm so sorry to hear John is not doing well! May he get well soon and continue contributing the odd snarky remark to this wonderful blog!

Sherry Thomas said...

So sorry for John's illness.

Hope he recovers fast and well.

Blaze said...

*Hugs and prayers sent* I'd send a CCC but that might make it worse. I hope everything goes ok.

Taylor said...

Five hundredth!

Sorry. I just saw that there were 499 comments and I wanted to be the 500th.

Anonymous said...


I sincerely hope John gets better.

I was a bit sad you couldn't come to Austin, but you made up for it with this post. Hook 'Em Horns!

My thoughts are with you. Update us on his status!! I don't like the sound of 'critical condition.' :(

from Austin, TX

that girl said...

Wow. The ICU? Jon, get better real soon! We're sending positive thoughts your way!

Tiffani said...

Good grief! I hope John is better soon and you both make a full recovery. Since you requested jokes, I've only got one very bad one:
Once upon a time a quiet, conservative man owned a parrot. Unfortunately for the man, this parrot swore like a sailor. He would swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. This bird's foul mouth was driving the man crazy. One day, it just got to be too much.

The guy grabbed the bird by the neck, shook him really hard, and yelled "QUIT IT!" But this just made the bird mad and he started swearing even more.

The guy really got fed up and said, "OK for you" and locked the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This only aggravated the parrot who continued to claw and scratch inside the cabinet while he cursed even louder than before!

At this point the guy became so mad that he threw the parrot in the freezer! For the first few seconds the bird started swearing again at the top of his lungs. He kicked and clawed and thrashed.

Then suddenly the parrot was VERY quiet. At first the guy just waited. Then he started to think that the bird might be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he became so worried that he opened the freezer door.

The bird calmly climbed on the man's out-stretched arm and said, "Awfully sorry about all the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on." The man was astounded. He couldn't understand the transformation that had come over the parrot.

Then the parrot said, "By the way, Sir, what did the chicken do?

Tara B Cowtown Canada said...

Praying for your full recovery.

Duchess Doro said...

oh no! get well soon John!!!!


maxon said...

OK - well the first looked like a pair of panties made of cupcakes ... and I don't think I want to go any further with that thought. The second, an illustration from a biology textbook on human female anatonmy of the nether regions. Yers. It might be because I'm English but I'm getting nothing.

Also, glad to hear John is recovering and feeling better. You are being light-hearted about it in your posts but it doesn't sound too funny. Best wishes.

Cindy in GA said...

That first one looks like it's supposed to be a uterus. Or maybe I've been to my OB/GYN too often lately (it all comes of being 39 weeks pg)- there's not a lot to look at on the walls of the exam rooms.

So glad to hear that John's out of ICU now and feeling a little better. I'll still pray for his complete recovery! Where in the world did the head injury come from?

Tobi said...

I hope you both don't harbor bad feelings for Texas after this. I will pray that both of you get well soon. When your both feeling A LOT better hit Rudy's BBQ before you leave the great state of Texas.

Why does a Mermaid wear Seashells?

Because she can't fit into b-shells or d-shells.

Anonymous said...

Oh man! That sucks! best wishes to you two guys!

CapeDressage said...

Holy Ovaries!

I am sure its been said but those horns look like the horns of fallopian tubes. The second one could actually be in a medical text book.

ps- tell your man to stop faking it.

jk- feel better.

It means Grace said...

Aww! I am so glad to see that my shirt inspired today's post. You promised me mangled Longhorns and they are truly dreadful! However, I am surprised you didn't reference the hideous CCC* factor of the first one.

Technical difficulties and not having Jon aside, it was wonderful to see you in Plano. I am glad to know that he is improving.

*Just writing that triggered my gag-reflex.

Susan said...

I thought the first Longhorn cake was bikini underwear!

Anonymous said...

Prayers and blessings speed your way!

siltedrepose said...

Ok, so I don't know a whole lot about sports, and someone else has probably mentioned this already what with 500 comments ahead of me, but you're not in Lubbock, you're in Dallas. Luckily, they have decent medical facilities in Dallas as well as Lubbock. Tell him to get well soon.

Rocket Ma'am said...

That first one looks like underwear and the second a flame-broiled uterus. WTH are they doing with those cows in TX?

kristen said...

GAH! I hope ya'll will recover fast! *prays*

As for these *ahem* interesting cakes... 1st one reminded me of panties... 2nd one was more "WTH?" the 3rd one with the strawberries and bullets was gross, that's just not sanitary. Food and ammo should never mesh.

Amarie said...

Oh wow, I thought that first cake was Santa's underwear. No joke!

Annacakes79 said...

Looks like Planned Parenthood got a hold of another one....

Word verification: culechu: I culechu see some more uterus cakes, but then John would REAlly be sick

Unknown said...

Should I be a little concerned that I knew what the second cake was without scrolling down to the real Longhorn image? I mean, I live in Dallas but damn.

Anonymous said...

Well, the University of Texas' official color is burnt orange. I think that explains the charred orange longhorn.

M.J. said...

WOW! I truly thought that first longhorn was some fancy lingerie underwear, you can imagine the places I guessed you were.

P.S. When are you guys going to be judges for Food Network's challenge? Seriously talk to your agent.

Savannah said...

On your next tour, come to Page, AZ. Beautiful Lake Powell is here too!

Savannah C.

Adam TTU said...

Did nobody notice the double T's on the strawberries? That's the Texas Tech logo and although it's kind of strange, as a Tech student it's actually kind of cool.

Anonymous said...

Well, where do I start.. The Texas Tech cake was OUR groom's cake, and yes, it was definitely a wreck if I've ever seen one. I would like personally to thank our bakery for delivering this masterpiece to our reception! I agree with all the the heck do you get Texas backwards, especially if you LIVE IN TEXAS??? And we are also curious to know who took this photo and how it ended up on Luckily we can all laugh now at what a total disaster this cake turned out to be!

Patrick R. Gibbons said...

UT's colors are "burnt orange" it looks like the baker literally burnt the orange, making this cake funnier than it may first seem.

Twelve said...

Longhorns are the sworn enemies of us Aggies at the college down the road. That first cake makes me weep with joy.

Anonymous said...

The strawberry cake is for the Saxet gunshow. Since the name is Texas spelled backwards the logo is a backwards Texas. Hence the backwards Texas and shotgun shells.

Anonymous said...

I thought the first cake was underwear ...
Best wishes for John's recovery from your Canadian fans.

Anonymous said...

i agree with scott. the first one looks like a pair of pants, the second one looks like a uterus......

*~D~* said...

Lifting up many prayers for John and you! I hope he is on the mend soon!

The Estrogen Files said...

See, I thought that looked like a thong!

Almost 8 months later, I hope he's better.

Mandy9r said...

That top one looks like a pair of lacy panties. I thought maybe it was for a bachelor party or something lol.

Anonymous said...

Well, this wreck was from almost a year ago but I wanted to comment on a possible explanation for the backwards Texas. There is an annual gun show down here in San Antonio called the Saxet gun show, and their logo is a backwards Texas symbol. I am not kidding. When I saw the stupid shotgun shells I immediately thought of Saxet gun show.
Nonnie from San Antonio, TEXAS

Longhorns rule! Those wrecks however, suck. I used to be a florist and did funeral pieces of the Longhorn symbol. Scary, I was always terrified they would break!

Anonymous said...

Looks like a uterus

Andrea said...

I clicked on the original wreck because I thought IT looked like a uterus. Upon seeing the second wreck, I was certain they were supposed to be uterus cakes and thought these were creative and clever baby shower cakes.

Anonymous said...

And I first thought of a bulky thong. Where's my dignity?

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