Saturday, May 31, 2008

When Brides Have No Budget (Or Taste)

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Obviously someone needed to rein in this woman during the wedding planning. What kind of ego does it require to commission a life-sized replica of yourself in cake? But what really baffles me is this: the details are exact right down to the hair clip, so what the heck is UP with that tacky red rick-rack down the skirt of the cake? "Sure, we hand-painted a matching bodice-design, copied the make-up and hairstyle, and have identical veils - but then we thought this giant rick-rack would add just the right extra touch!" ?!?

Obviously Bridezilla shares my opinion: she's eying that red trim with murder in her eyes.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

This Made Me Laugh 'Til I Cried

Thursday, May 29, 2008

So I was putzin' around on google image search, looking at cakes, of course, when I stumbled across this picture:

Which, you know, made me kind of curious.

So I went to the originating site of the photo and read the corresponding blog post. It's written by Scott of Basic Instructions, which you should definitely check out sometime. Anyway, by the time I finished reading his post I was crying with laughter, and I knew I could not post his cake photo without the whole story attached. I e-mailed him and got his permission, and so without further ado, here it is:

"I had a day job as an office manager for the Seattle office of an international firm. We found out that one of our employees was transferring to one of our offices in China. When one of our people would leave, we usually had a little wing-ding with drinks and cake on the departing employee's last Thursday in the office, so on Tuesday it fell to me to fax a cake order into our nearest Costco Bakery.

I should point out that on that day I had a headache so bad that it hurt to move my eyes. Ordering the cake was the last thing I did before I went home sick for the afternoon. As I filled out the order form, I realized that in addition to the personalized message ("Good Luck in China," in this case) we could also get a large decoration for no extra charge. I looked at the options and none of them were appropriate. They were all things like teddy bears, balloons, or race cars. Crap, in other words. I figured if none of them were appropriate, I might as well get something that made no sense whatsoever.

I put a check mark next to the word "Fireman."

The next morning (Wednesday), lying in bed just before getting up, my mind wandered over the previous day and all the things I had accomplished. My eyes snapped open as I thought, "What did I do!? Why did I order a fireman? That makes no sense!!! I'm going to look like an idiot!"

I went to work, intent on calling the Costco as soon as they opened and stopping the cake before it started. I still had a day before I was supposed to pick it up. I figured that should be plenty of time. After some effort, I got hold of the bakery manager, only to be told that the cake had already been made. It was too late. I figured I'd just have to stand up straight and take it like a man.

My wife and I went to Costco to pick up the cake. When I got to the bakery, this is what was waiting for me.

(see above picture)

Making the hose flesh-toned had been a very bad move.

At first all I could do was blink at it and wonder, "Am I the only one who sees a giant wang?" I looked at my wife. She was blinking at the cake. An awkward silence and a few stammered sentences later we established that we both saw the same thing. A fireman holding an immense, dripping wang.

I could not serve this cake to my coworkers.

My first thought was that I would just absorb the cost of a second cake and pretend this never happened. Then I thought, "Wait a minute! This is not an erotic bakery! This is Costco! I should be able to order any stupid cake I want and be confident that it will not be sexually charged."

While at the checkout line I found a Costco employee to complain to, and showed him the cake. He blinked at it. I told him I was uncomfortable serving this cake at a place of business, and he started laughing and looking relieved.

Here’s what I came to realize about the cake. The obscene image was just obvious enough that you can't help but recognize it, but also obviously innocent enough that you don't want to say anything for fear that you're the only one who sees it.

Soon I was surrounded by several Costco employees who were looking at the cake and laughing. They explained that they had a new cake decorator who was a deeply religious woman from a foreign country, as if that explained everything. At one point while we were hammering out a settlement a woman happened by, caught a glimpse of the cake, covered her mouth and gasped. Good stuff."

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Some Cakes Need No Commentary

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Apocalypse Cake

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

The sky is falling! The sky is falling! Quick, someone make a cake!

Yes, there's nothing quite like plummeting balloons and unconscious clowns to celebrate your own personal apocalypse. Anyone have some radiation-free milk to go with?

Monday, May 26, 2008

When Evil Commercial Fishermen Marry

Monday, May 26, 2008

All that's missing is a little icing net draped over the guys at the bottom - and is that a pool of monochromatic blood? Creeeepy.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

The Most Disturbing Cake EVER

Saturday, May 24, 2008

[NOTE - The original photo was removed at the baker's request. This cake is merely a similar style, to give you an idea of what I'm talking about. ;) ]

Great burrowing baby bottoms, Batman!

Wow. Here's a cake you could never photograph from the backside, eh? (Get it, "backside"?) Seriously, let's count the ways in which this cake is oh-so-wrong, shall we?

1) There is a baby butt on it
2) There is no corresponding baby head to the baby butt
3) To be in this position, the baby would have to be buried alive inside the cake (aw, what a cute concept!)
4) Two lucky individuals are going to get to play "These Little Piggies" with their mouths
5) Did I mention there is a baby butt on it?

Karen F., bottom's up!

Friday, May 23, 2008


Friday, May 23, 2008

I was at a loss for words to describe this cake, so I plugged in the word "hideous" to my trusty thesaurus. I still didn't find any silver bullets, but here's my best shot:

This cake is appallingly distasteful.


Thursday, May 22, 2008

Doubly Sad

Thursday, May 22, 2008

The fact that this cake was inscribed by a color-blind and apparently epileptic geriatric is sad enough, but check out the background: the birthday girl was also IN THE HOSPITAL. Wow. Way to cheer up the birthday girl, there, folks.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Gee, thanks, "kids".

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

I'm not really sure what the "20th" denotes: 20 years of being a "dad"? 20 "children"? Or maybe the cake is for the 20th "dad" to come along? Eh?

Regardless, any cake decorator who thinks the title Dad deserves quotation marks probably needs therapy. Or an English lesson. One of those two, anyway.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Poor Bunjamioh

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Not only did his parents saddle him with that awful name, but he also got one of the ugliest birthday cakes this side of fuglyville. Check out the mismatched neon orange borders, burgundy roses (for that feminine touch), and rotting swamp-mud colored leaves.

Take heart, Bunni; when you're 18 you can change your name AND buy your own birthday cake.

Time to Par-Tay

'Cuz it a gril!

This cake takes itself not only for the spelling and grammar errors, but for its cringe-inducing color choices and script execution. Bravo!

Thanks to Erin A. for the photo!

Speaking of Weeding...

How about weeding out the illiterate cake decorators?
This is someone's ACTUAL wedding cake, people. So stop laughing; it's tragic. Really. Well, in a funny, unintentionally ironic kind of way...


What, no exclamation mark?

Today we salute you, Mr. Grocery-Store-Cake-Decorator

(singing) "Mr. Grocery Store Cake Decor-A-TOR!!!"

Yes, when faced with the challenge of your own stupidity, you valiantly ice on, turning that perfect-yet-mistakenly-crafted "2" into a not-so-perfect-but-still-reasonably-acceptable "4"...

(background singing: "ooo, make mine in chocolate!")

So here's to you, Mr. or Mrs. Grocery Store Cake Decorator: although perhaps you should lay off the Bud Light while you're at work.

(Fading Out: "Mr. or Mrs. Grocery Store Cake Decoraaaaatoooor!")

The Cake That Started It All...

"...And underneath that, write 'We will miss you'. Got it?"

Oh yeah, they got it.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Submission "Guidelines"

Sunday, May 11, 2008

1) The Wreck MUST have been professionally made. That means someone somewhere actually paid for the cake. (We go by the theory that if you're paid to do it, you're a "professional".)

2) What NOT to send: excessively gory or obscene cakes (kitty-litter cakes included), or anything you were forwarded by e-mail (trust me: whatever it is, I've seen it).

3) If possible, rather than sending me a whole website link, pick some of your favorites and just send me the links to those.

4) I generally credit submitters by first name and last initial. If you don't want your name attached, be sure to mention that in the e-mail. If you do want you name attached, make sure your name is written somewhere in the e-mail.

5) Don't have a wreck, but just want to say "hi"? Please do! I absolutely LOVE hearing from all of you!

6) I've reached the point now where I can no longer answer every single e-mail. This is both good (lots of e-mails) and bad (no time to answer them all). So, if you're just submitting a cake photo, you may not hear back from me personally. Adjust your expectations accordingly.

7) Fellow bloggers: no need to ask my permission to link to Cake Wrecks; feel free. (And thanks for all the shout-outs!)

Thanks, all!

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Privacy Policy

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Cake Wrecks Privacy Policy

This privacy policy sets out how Cake Wrecks uses and protects any information that you give Cake Wrecks when you use this website.
Cake Wrecks is committed to ensuring that your privacy is protected. Should we ask you to provide certain information by which you can be identified when using this website, then you can be assured that it will only be used in accordance with this privacy statement.
Cake Wrecks may change this policy from time to time by updating this page. You should check this page from time to time to ensure that you are happy with any changes. This policy is effective from 11/10/08.

What we collect

We may collect the following information:
• name
• contact information including email address
• demographic information such as postcode, preferences and interests
• other information relevant to customer surveys

What we do with the information we gather

We require this information in particular for the following reasons:
• To give credit for the photos submitted.
• To contact you for more information about your submission.

We are committed to ensuring that your information is secure. In order to prevent unauthorised access or disclosure we have put in place suitable physical, electronic and managerial procedures to safeguard and secure the information we collect online.

How we use cookies
A cookie is a small file which asks permission to be placed on your computer's hard drive. Once you agree, the file is added and the cookie helps analyse web traffic or lets you know when you visit a particular site. Cookies allow web applications to respond to you as an individual. The web application can tailor its operations to your needs, likes and dislikes by gathering and remembering information about your preferences.
We use traffic log cookies to identify which pages are being used. This helps us analyse data about web page traffic and improve our website in order to tailor it to customer needs. We only use this information for statistical analysis purposes and then the data is removed from the system.
Overall, cookies help us provide you with a better website, by enabling us to monitor which pages you find useful and which you do not. A cookie in no way gives us access to your computer or any information about you, other than the data you choose to share with us.
You can choose to accept or decline cookies. Most web browsers automatically accept cookies, but you can usually modify your browser setting to decline cookies if you prefer. This may prevent you from taking full advantage of the website.

Links to other websites
Our website may contain links to enable you to visit other websites of interest easily. However, once you have used these links to leave our site, you should note that we do not have any control over that other website. Therefore, we cannot be responsible for the protection and privacy of any information which you provide whilst visiting such sites and such sites are not governed by this privacy statement. You should exercise caution and look at the privacy statement applicable to the website in question.

Controlling your personal information
You may choose to restrict the collection or use of your personal information in the following ways:
• you may submit a photo anonymously but we may be unable to use it without a source.
• you may request that your name not be included if your photo is used online or in print.
• if you have previously agreed to us using your personal information, you may change your mind at any time by writing to or emailing us at
We will not sell, distribute or lease your personal information to third parties unless we have your permission or are required by law to do so.
You may request details of personal information which we hold about you under the Data Protection Act 1998. A small fee will be payable. If you would like a copy of the information held on you please e-mail us at
If you believe that any information we are holding on you is incorrect or incomplete, please email us as soon as possible, at the above address. We will promptly correct any information found to be incorrect.

CW Disclosure Policy

Per the new FTC endorsement guidelines, allow me to present - for your reading pleasure - our disclosure policy.

Cake Wrecks is a personal blog written and edited by me and one or two other trusted individuals (like my hubby, John). If you have questions, please send them to

Cake Wrecks accepts forms of cash advertising, sponsorship, paid insertions or other forms of compensation. These include:

- BlogHer Ads: I am a member of BlogHer Ads, and their advertisements appears in my blog’s header and sidebar. I receive monetary payment not based on the content published on my blog but for showing their ads in my blog’s header and sidebar.

BlogHer has strict rules regarding the content I publish on this blog and I am bound by contract to adhere to their rules. For example, I am prohibited from posting any reviews for which I’ve been paid money to write.

- Amazon Associates Program: Purchases made through Amazon affiliate links on this blog yield a small referral fee. This applies to all purchases made on Amazon, regardless of whether the product the consumer purchased was mentioned by me or not. The consumer’s purchases are confidential; I don’t know who has purchased items using my blog’s Amazon Associate links.

The compensation received will never influence the content, topics or posts made in this blog. All advertising is in the form of advertisements generated by a third party ad network. Those advertisements will be identified as paid advertisements.

The owner(s) of this blog is not compensated to provide opinion on products, services, websites and various other topics. The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely those of the blog’s writers. If we claim or appear to be experts on a certain topic or product or service area, we will only endorse products or services that we believe, based on our expertise, are worthy of such endorsement. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer or provider.

This blog does not contain any content which might present a conflict of interest.

To generate your own disclosure policy, go to