Saturday, October 30, 2010

Don't Mansion It

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Welcome, foolish mortals, to the haunted mansion. I am your host. Your...GHOST....host.

And....I like big BUTTS and I cannot lie,
No other specter can deny,
When a ghoul walks in...

Hm? Oh. (Ahem.) Sorry.


Our tour begins here, in this bowling alley.

As you can see, we have pins and needles to spare. (Muah-ha-haa! Puns killed me.)


Ah, but your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding - almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis:

Are these ghosts actually stretching?

Or have they been run over?


Also, what's the deal with this guy?



And consider this dismaying observation:

Strong spirits are a leading cause of gingivitis.

(Look it up.)


We have 999 happy haunts here, but there's room for a thousand.

Any volun...

David, I'm trying to spiel here. Do you mind?

"Is this real life?"

No, David, this is real death. Run along, now.

My apologies.

As I was saying, we find it delightfully unlivable here in this ghostly retreat. Every room has wall-to-wall creeps, and hot and cold running Chills!

The Chills are our resident track team.


Now, as they say, "look alive," and we'll conclude our little tour.

Not that alive.


Oh, and before you go, there's a little matter I forgot to mention:

BEWARE...of shop-lifting ghosts!

"QUICK! Mall security is coming!"


Sunny R., Ticara G., Kartrina R., Jill M., Janet, Annette D., Brady, Jenna A., H.M., & Heidi Y., your ghosts will haunt you until you return...all that stuff they took.
Anonymous said...

Love the Haunted Mansion lines in this post! You did a great job! :)

Jill said...

I love the reference to David! My sister had nose surgery (cuz her sinuses were all messed up) and she was just like that! Man, if we had only had a video camera at the ready..... [devilish laugh]

Diane1611 said...

I'm the first commenter this morning? I guess no one is awake yet, except Jen. LOL!

I thought the first cake was the ice cream on a Dairy Queen soft serve cone, until I scrolled down further.

The 7th cake is a poo ghost rather than a boo ghost.

The 8th cake - well, I didn't think that sperm had anything to do with Halloween. Or fish, for that matter.

Great post, as usual! You spoil us, Jen!

Kelly said...

As a huge fan of the Haunted Mansion, so I absolutely loved this post! Awesome!!!

Gina said...

I love that you are a Disney geek and that evidence of this gets worked into posts from time to time.

The Boob Nazi said...

ha! The sperm cake almost made me spit my chicken and broccoli pasta leftover breakfast onto my computer screen.

Jessica said...

Haha I loved reading this, imagining Paul Frees narrating it! Gotta love Disney :)

Anonymous said...

Unboolievable.

Really.

The big butted ghost whooo first appears... he's really cute.

#2, not so much. #3 -- I think someone altered Bigfoot's foot? #4 - um. Uh. Moving on.

I didn't think spider webs could catch onto a non-solid. Ghostly. And a random jellybean. *snort*

I'm still trying to figure out the orange 'glow' around Mr gingivitis toothy ghost.

Real death... cute. Forget cross eyed - this poor critter died when his eyes stuck like that, just like his mom told him they would! Ultimate horror.

The cookie - the cookiecake comes just about on a par of patooie for me as the dreaded CCC. This wreckerator has obviously never seen a real ghost, only Caspar, who does wander about with legs. Anyone else ever wonder why he gets legs?

Orange, yellow, and blue WHAT??? Mini cupcake PULL-APARTS?? Go pull your own parts, please.

Last ghost -- he's too busy being scared to scare anoyone.

Thanks for the ghostly giggles!!

~~Di

Helene said...

Haunted Mansion FTW!

Bilby P. Dalgyte said...

Lol, white blob with black dots to represent eyes and mouth. Got yourself a ghost right there. Except the coloured one, which looked like little sperm going round in a circle... ew... now THAT is going to haunt my nightmares

UnknownWarrior33 said...

I've watched so many run-throughs of the Haunted Mansion on YouTube, I picked up immediately; otherwise, I would not have noticed. Kudos for awesome reference, Jen. Kudos indeed.

Gina said...

Is it wrong that I find these adorable? 'Specially the shoplifting ghost. And kudos for the Haunted Mansion reference!

Anonymous said...

Hurry baaack... hurry baaaaack... Don't forget your - wreck - certificate. :)

Anonymous said...

Hey, I'm sure low motility is scary, especially when the news comes on Halloween...

mimiheart said...

I like the first one. :D And the Haunted Mansion wins all. My favorite ride at Disney.

WV: gasesses, what real ghosts are made of, what those ghosts will give you

Reverend Ref + said...

I'm not sure what's worse -- these cakes or the fact that The Boob Nazi eats chicken and broccoli pasta leftovers for breakfast.

WV: pardeme -- Pardeme while I go find something more tasty than broccoli for breakfast.

Amy said...

Loved the Haunted Mansion references. <3

Jorge said...

Best blog post ever.
<3 Haunted Mansion <3

Kaede said...

I like that first ghost, it's cute.

Half Assed Kitchen said...

I want the piece with the Tootsie Rolls!

Robin said...

Just love the Haunted Mansion references... I make a motion to eliminiate all CCCs. Anyone second the motion?

Sarah said...

BONUS DAY!

YES!!!!!

Thank you. You're so awesome. This week, I got to show your blog to two people who had never seen it before. I LOVE doing that because the first time anyone sees Cakewrecks, they always laugh until they have to excuse themselves to the restroom.

Wearing History said...

Love the Haunted Mansion lines! Haha! :)

Heather said...

LMAO even my 3-yo didn't know that the last one is supposed to be a ghost! LOL

Jasry said...

That ghost baby got SCARY back, whew! (Yes, I am unfamiliar with Haunted Mansion, but Sir Mix-A-Lot and I go waaaay back, heh.)

Stacey Leigh said...

I have worked seasonally at WDW's Mansion for 6 years and this post is completely and totally amazing. I will be scaring small children for the wonderfully hellish week at Disney between Christmas and New Year's. Come and visit!!

Anonymous said...

The one with the orange sprinkles looks kinda delicious. Or like it's suffering from measles.

I like that shoplifting ghost too.At least it has candy on it.

Kernut the Blond said...

OMG! I can't believe these are for sale! LMAO

For my (some big number) birthday my sister ordered a cake from Safeway, the major local grocery store.

In the custom wording "your" was requested by my sister. We got "yor". And that was the corrected cake. I'll see if I can find the pic.

motherbynature said...

Hm. I've never heard of this "Haunted Mansion" -- from reading the comments I'm assuming it's a ride at Disney? Anyway, so all of THAT aspect of the post went straight over my head. That probably explains the bits that I didn't understand, or didn't find funny...

But it was all made up for by the shoplifting ghost. Love the look on his face!!

mare said...

what's with the sperm cake? "happy halloween, oh, and good luck with trying to get pregnant. we hear you've been having trouble conceiving."

ugh. yecch.

Hope said...

Reading this made me want to ride the "Haunted Mansion"!!!

ThatBrunette said...

I tried to read the text in Paul Frees' voice but I kept getting distracted by the pictures.

Denamarie said...

Love it Jen!!!

We're getting ready to head off to Disneyland in about an hour for one more dose of Nightmare Haunted Mansion!!!

Kerethina said...

Look alive, looks like sperm circling. Yikes!

tangomenas said...

Strong spirits are a leading cause of gingivitis.

MWAHAHAHAHAAA!!! XD

Oh yes, I'm that lame. The whole post is made of WIN and that joke is the one that made me laugh aloud so that my dorm mates now probably think I confused the dates and actually started drinking today... :3

Flea said...

Dude, the sperm. Ghosts start out as people, and they have to start SOMEWHERE.

Jessica W said...

Jen - I think I love you! This was awesome!!

MissNay said...

he's climbin in your windows snatchin your people up trying to wreck em so you need to hide your kids hide your wife and hide your husband cuz they wrecking everybody out here...............

Haunted Mansion Geek said...

Love, love, love the Haunted Mansion! In fact, wearing my Haunted Mansion t-shirt today for a little Halloween spirit! LOVE!!!!

Pandora said...

Haha!

Erin said...

oh my. a bonus Saturday post *AND* it's one of the funniest *Ever*?? Jen and John, you are too good to us. You have *made* my day!

Anonymous said...

Ghost number 4
...is, in fact not a ghost.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXZN9S7a5xk

see?

Pilgrim said...

1. The 1st ghost actually IS pretty cute.

2. Cupcake wreckorators should be taken out and shot behind the bakery.

3. What the heck do rainbow colored sperm have to do with Halloween? ;-P

Meg said...

I LOVE this! And I LOVE you for this! Thanks!

msyendor said...

OK. I actually love that shoplifting ghost. (It's that expression on it's face, "where are the security spooks?") And I think in the case of "ghosts" CCCs actually work. Unlike the rainbow spoo ghosts.

Dragon-girl (aka Lucy) said...

Hahaha :D These are actually kind of cute, in a sheepish sort of way!

I went to Disneyland Paris once, and the Haunted Mansion was both hilarious and scared me witless! I love Disney!

Anonymous said...

The "ghost" with legs is clearly NT a ghost but a mummy...
Not a good mummy, but a mummy none the less...
Or, maybe my whole outlook on like is skewered because of that HORRIBLE MEALOAF BABY....... BWAAHHHH
I will enverbe the same. (My husband said a little change is not really such a bad idea in my case...)

Anonymous said...

Anonymous @ 4:45,

I was thinking the exact same thing! Ghost 4 really does look like one of Don Hertzfeldt's cloud guys.


P.S. This really has nothing to do with the post but my v.w. today was "duckswar". No lie.

Morgan said...

I have no mouth and yet I must BOOOOOOOOO

Classic Steve said...

Dismaying? Don't you mean dispiriting?

Connie Moreno said...

LOL toooooo funny!!

Barbara Anne said...

ghost sperm??? muahahahahaha

lyndsay said...

heehee! i love that sir mix-a-lot song!!! so I LOL-ed so hard on the first ghost. that is a HUGE ghost butt!!!

also the last ghost -- WRAPPED candy on the cake? doesn't seem very foodsafe! :)

chaitea said...

Always did like the Haunted Mansion as Disney.

But, OMG, Cake #1 just killed me. Do ghosts do it doggy style? Sperm ghosts?

Can't afford to get to Disney this year (or last), so guess I'll pop in the E.Murphy Haunted Mansion movie tonight.

Craig said...

Hmm, no "everyone knows that the Haunted Mansion is actually called..." admonishments. What is the EPCOT warning status -- grey?

I have the Haunted Mansion story on vinyl disc, so I hear the captions in Pete Reneday's voice.

#1 I too immediately thought of DQ. If they made a serving that size, I would definitely buy it -- it is worth the brain freeze!

All except #1 and #8 are CCC's -- Spooy! I second @Robin's motion to ban them.

#9 Since little guys don't have eyes, I see tadpoles. Brightly colored tadpoles -- a halloween tradition since 2010. What -- I suppose sperm makes more sense?

Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress said...

This makes me sad. I just saw a cake that I decorated on this post. Man, this really sucks. My whole life's ambition is to be the best cake decorator ever. I think it's on this site because you're making fun of me. Wow, my ma and pa tell me I'm the best frosting artist they've ever seen. I think you're just jealous of me.

Just kidding. A little Halloween humor for you. New to your blog. And I LOOOOOOVE it. =)

Anonymous said...

Sperm cake = Happy HalloWEENIE!?! no? =)

tiny purple elephant said...

was that an eyeball in that cluster of candy?

BADKarma! said...

The ghosts on that second-to-last creation are the spirits of the poor little fellas that wound up in a condom.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

WV - Ablegie: There's nothing ablegier than a semen cake.

Anonymous said...

Hmm, the first thing I thought of wasn't ghost sperm but of the "alien souls" as rendered by South Park's artists during the Scientology spoof.

wv: supente Don't keep me in supentes! Tell us how these wrecks happened!

Anonymous said...

Very funny

Anonymous said...

As a Disney pass holder and frequent Haunted Mansion rider, I loved the Haunted Mansion homage. I enjoyed reading the text imagining it in the ghost host's voice.

archersangel said...

LOLed over your caption on the first one.

MissNay said...

I have to be honest. I hate the Haunted anything. Last time I went to a haunted corn maze, I went into labor.
I know what you're thinking- bad idea to go to a haunted corn maze whilst knocked up. I agree. In my defense, I thought I was a lot braver than I was. Apparently, all the training the Army can give me is no match for some crazy dude running after my prego self with a chainsaw and being fully aware I can't run, see, stop urinating or crying.

staxia said...

seriously?

A Haunted Mansion *AND* David After Dentist in the same post.

*MUAH*

I think I love you!!

~mel said...

Awesome ~ they look like they were a lot of fun to make up. My personal fav was the shoplifting ghost. Thanks for sharing.

Anonymous said...

I love the last one - with the little 'dump' of tootsie rolls and gummy worms; there isn't even a pretension of creativity there.

Dodi Permana said...

so yummy...I want it..
aodoyz..

Anonymous said...

LOL! Love the HM commentary. That first one looks like a cat!!

introducingyael said...

Haunted Mansion FTW!

Anonymous said...

Love 'em! # 4, the Popcorn Ghost!

Anonymous said...

Excellent use of the Haunted Mansion monologue! Your first ghost made me literally lol.

Anonymous said...

WHAT NO STAR TREK WHAT THE HECK IS THE DANG WORLD COMING TO TREKKERS FOR LIFE !!!!!!!!!

John said...

Nice Pictures,
Regards

The Radkes said...

The Haunted Mansion is my favorite Disney ride (when we went to Disneyland Paris, I made my husband ride it three times with me)! I think I just about died (pun intended) laughing at your "beware of shoplifting ghosts" line.

Tara said...

What disease does that speckled ghost have???

Erin said...

I agree with everyone, the Haunted Mansion definitely made the post :) I worked at Walt Disney World on the college program for 9 months and an in-joke between me and my best friend was speaking as the Ghost Host. It definitely made the cakes that much funnier!

Also, it just makes me smile when you do references to the World :) I miss it everyday.

Annette said...

Trying hard NOT to imagine what the other side of the "Junk in theTrunk" ghost cake...

Robin said...

Now I have that Sir Mix-A-Lot song stuck in my head...thanks a lot!

As a fellow Disneyphile, I loved the Haunted Mansion lines! There's no turning back now...Mwahahaha!

Nicole said...

Love it! I actually spent Halloween *at* Disneyland this year, and while I miss the traditional Mansion spiel, the whole experience was very, very awesome. This was a perfect post to return to after our trip. I especially love the "are these ghosts actually stretching" bit. ;)

~Nicole

Jess said...

I'm totally amused that another wreckporter found the same CCC I did and also submitted it. What I want to know is if we found it at the same store or if there was more than one of these shoplifting ghost abominations.

Lisa said...

Is it bad that I can actually HEAR the HM voice when I read this????

LOVE. IT.

TNTina said...

Ok, so. Yes, I'm *mumbling*nearlyamonthlatereplyinghere*COUGH!* but, I was back-tracking through some missed posts... and this one is definitely one of my all-time fav CW posts!!

LOVE the HM theme and I actually snorted aloud at the David interruption ;D

You guys ROCK. \m/\m/

Anonymous said...

The Haunted Mansion is one of my favorite things ever. This is awesome!