Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Instant Manliness®!!!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Are you tired of girly cakes? Does the sight of icing flowers disgust you? Are you afraid all of your birthday cakes are doomed to look like this?

WAH wah waaaah...

"If only my cake was more manly..."

Well, worry no more, sad Keanu! Introducing the new "Instant Manliness Cake Decoration Kit®!!!"

With the "Instant Manliness Cake Decoration Kit®," any cake can be a MAN'S cake!

Just look at the difference!

Bam!

Now that's manly!


Also try our "Instant Manliness Father's Day Cake Decoration Kit®!"

Can you feel that?!?

That's chest hair. And it's growing. Booya!


Thanks to Bradley G., aka the "Manly Brad-inator." [Crushing beer can against head and burping] Wreck on, dude.
BarbW said...

What is that, Handy Manny's birthday cake? I think my son has those exact same toy tools. Who knew they could come in so handy as cake decorations?

Katie said...

I wholly approve of your using Keanu to take us on a totally excellent cake wrecks adventure.

Anonymous said...

BWAHAHA!!!



KC

ElizabethB said...

I need to pause and applaud you for finding three cakes w similar base design for this comparison. Nicely sleuthed!

elissa said...

Too funny!

Those have to all be from the same bakery--the wreckerator only knows how to do one icing decoration, then modifies accordingly.

john said...

@elissa:

We can only hope there is only one bakery using this strategy.

Unfortunately, as wrecks go, these are just fender benders.

Yandie, Goddess of Pickles. said...

It not only makes you manlier, it lets you harness the power of time travel, as demonstrated by Mr. Reeves here.

Welcome to the Matrix, Neo.

The Boob Nazi said...

This was hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Yup. Just laughed out loud. In law school ... a boring tax class.

Thanks guys :)

Renee H. said...

somehow, in my warped brain, i imagined Axe Body Spray commercials now featuring cake. 0.o

"Pits, Pits, CAKE SMEAR across Chest!!!"

thesacredandtheprofane said...

Oh. My. God. +1,000 internets for you. You made me choke on my breakfast cupcake, I was laughing so hard.

This? This right here is B.A.D. day. I really needed that. Thank you, Jen. Sincerely.

skinner studio said...

Hilarious! And your Keanu pics were spot on...

Thanks for the laughs!

wv: fonte - if they just used Rockwell for the fonte they'd be in business.

Jessica said...

My 4 year old nephew would love those cakes...he would probably start playing with the tools right after the ate the cake.

Karen said...

Poor sad Keanu. I'm glad you brightened his day, as you have brightened mine!

The Black Dog said...

Working Sad Keanu into a post like this? EXCELLENT!

Sad thing is that this is better than most plastic flotsam that go on cakes.

Anonymous said...

The cakes need real light sabers on them, or a "beam me up Scotty" thingy.
Forget boring tools.

mocking

Angie said...

Wrong. Just so very wrong.

I, too, applaud you for finding 3 such similar cakes for this post... but I must still ask, "What is WRONG with these wreckerators?"

Daniel said...

This raises such a damn fine point... why does it have to be flowers? Ridiculous.

Anonymous said...

You need a Cupcake Keanu pic with this!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/donnad/keanu-eating-cupcake-bif

HeatherH said...

Why are all the cakes so similar? Same flowers, colours, style of writing, and even the counter/table is exactly the same in all three pics.

Were these submissions from the wreckerator themselves?
Slightly suspicious and dissapointed.....

A Paperback Writer said...

Okay, the picture of Ted Theodore Logan just made my day better. :)

Miss Mina said...

That cake needs more sprinkles.. long brown ones.. or Tom Sellek Hair.

yea.

Aren't those flowers daisies?

I thought they looked familiar!

WV-mized "When I saw that tool on that cake, mized did a double take!"

Craig said...

There are few situations that cannot be remedied with the proper use of explosives -- or the right tools. That includes most wrecks. Just sayin'.

If someone put a roll of duct tape and a can of WD-40 on a cake, now we're talking! Representations of these things, I hasten to add, not the contents. Gotta spell things out in case any wreckerators are lurking. Otherwise, one could fully expect to see a cake mummy-wrapped in duct tape and marinated in the stuff of 1001 uses. Not good eats.

I wonder what kind of daisy those flowers are. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Cake is always better with Keanu mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! =)

Deikedog said...

Back when I used to decorate in a grocery store, one clerk always would write a cake order requesting the cake be decorated with "Manly Flowers"....never thought to plop toy tools onto regular flowers to add a bit of testosterone to the final product.

Little Lovables said...

party on dude!

Amber Marie said...

Chest hair!!! LOL!

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Heather H.,

These were all from Brad who found them on the website of one decorator. Not sure why that would be disappointing. I think it shows a consistent wreckerator.

john

MomOf2Kiddos said...

My son has those tools also. They came as a kit from the dollar store. Not sure I'd want to put them on food.

Pauline said...

At first glance that last cake looked like it was decorated with a gun....now that would be manly.
Pauline

Boy George said...

I guess I don't look closely enough at birthday cakes, but is it common to have the "y" in the word "birthday" flop over onto other parts of the decoration? Is that this particular wreckerator's modus operandi?

Anonymous said...

I recently ordered a cake over the phone for my son's 13th birthday. After the conversation with the rep in the bakery dept, I hung up, then re-ran the chat in my head: her - "do you want balloons instead of flowers on it?"
me - "he's turning 13, so I don't want anything babyish"
her - "OK, I'll put that on the order form (talking as she writes) turning 13......nothing babyish"


I dreaded walking in the next day to pick up my cake, sure it would have that exact phrase written on it. Turns out they took the REALLY easy way out and just didn't put anything on the cake besides the writing. Shoulda told them to slap some plastic tools on there......

Bline said...

(raises hand) I once made my husband a snickers cake and used those *same* toys as decorations.

wv: somated
Somated the cake anyway.

Anonymous said...

Manly, perhaps. But my husband would have no idea what those tools are....

Jennie @ Modern Mamaz said...

This is how I bake. Minus the cake.

Aliza said...

@Craig, yup, my first thought was if they want manly, they need duct tape; everything is better with duct tape! Forgot about the importance of WD-40, I confess. My excuse, of course, is that I'm not a man :)

Question: In the cake with the screwdriver, what is the grey icing object? It looks like a pig (I take it that it's a Toronto area baker? )

Lastly, the baker ADVERTISED these on the Internet as examples of what they can do?!?!?! Yikes.

WV: Unreaka. What the wreckerator said when they first saw the result of the labour.

Anonymous said...

Yes...these are all from the same shop near my home (which I looooove!!!) It is actually an Ice cream shop that makes all their own icecream in store and is hugely active in the community.

I saw the father's day one first then a few weeks later the birthday version. I couldn't resist.

Bradley G.

Laura P. said...

ok, reading this post, I TOTALLY assumed it was John writing it. totally surprised and overjoyed to see it was Jen! absolutely hilarious, Jen!! gave me my laugh of the day. again.

elissa said...

I would reverse what Anonymous 1:00 PM said:

Keanu is definitely better with cake.

Amanda said...

That's the most I've laughed in a while. Thanks!

Jeff said...

It's cool all the cakes had daisies on them. Daisies are a manly flower.

Late said...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Jen. Where is the strutting Leo? You cannot have Sad Keanu without Strutting Leo! *gets hysterical*

MissRon said...

PWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Oh my goodness. I'm laughing so hard I'm forgetting to breathe! That is so awesome. Golden. That entire post was golden! :-D

The Ink Child said...

Perhaps they should order their cakes here instead:

http://www.butchbakery.com/index.php

nellore said...

Hahaha....what a cakes? hehehe

Katie said...

This cake decorating kit could be a little more sonic.

LOVE your use of Keanu. It made me laugh like a crazy person.

WV: pingl. This is my cake-wrecky device. It goes pingl when there's stuff.

Cap'n Kyrie said...

YES FLOWERY MANLINESS.


I chose you for the versatile blogger award!
Go to:
http://icanhascatboy.blogspot.com/2010/10/i-won-award-woo.html
to recieve it.

Anonymous said...

Freaky. Fit for a 2 yr old. My grandson loved it (the yellow roses included, as he's totally into SpongeBob - he's yellow).

Personally, I've done a lot of cakes for guys, being the only female in the family for years.

Two items stand out:

Duct tape - if it moves and it shouldn't.
WD-40 - if it doesn't move and it should.

Neither of which have ever been featured on a cake in my household, only in gift packages.

Scary, really scary, giving those thoughts to Wreckerators around the world!

~~Di

Kaede said...

I've often suspected that there is a "style manual" for cake decorators that comes out 4 times a year. The wrecorators just pull out the wreck for the week and month. (sort of like there is a lectionary for those of us of certain religious persuasions)

Everyone did yellow roses and drop flowers in butter cream that week. To make it "custom" add plastic gewgaw.

Yet *Another* Katie said...

Aaaaaa! It's like being back in high school! There are 4 "Katie/Katy/Kaede"s in one room! Appears my parents were about as original as the manly wreckerators.

I too suspect that these are Handy Manny tools from the toy department. Or given Brad's description of the bakery, perhaps someone's kid was given "too babyish" toys and the parent decided to use them at work?

Arlene said...

Lol yay to sad Keanu. Now his cakes are manly. Who knows if they are edible but at least they aren't mutating into weird alien things..yet.

Anna said...

Great stuff! I love Keanu:)

Anna
http://pipeno.pipeno.com/Article/CEO-Insights/The-Story-of-Pipeno-and-Anna-s-Journey-as-a-Writer

Anonymous said...

The Ink Child provided the link I was going to provide. This whole "not manly enough" thing is EVERYWHERE.

Anonymous said...

First of all, I LOVE this site, especially the wide variety of allusions (the archived Pirate cakes post with the Pirates who Don't Do Anything reference has been my favorite thus far).

But I'm wondering if I should be offended that enjoying a site about mangled cake decorations apparently makes me an overweight soccer mom...or at least, one would assume so due to the fact that the banners that repeatedly pop up here are for Weight Watchers, plus-sized clothing, cell phones, and household appliances (specifically washers & dryers)...I know you don't control the ads and they really don't bother me...I actually found the automated ad selection a bit amusing, & wondered if anyone else had noticed...

ksaldria said...

Omg, happy Keanu just made my freaking day. Srsly.

Rauldy said...

At times like these, I almost wonder if the cake wasn't meant to be a joke...Of course, in that case, only the man *would* buy the joke cake...

Anonymous said...

This post had me laughing out loud. Love it!

Anonymous said...

I have to say, this may be my favorite Cake Wrecks post of all time. I just can't stop giggling. "If only my cake was more manly" - snort!

thedogismine said...

A gun would also make any cake a manly cake.

Anonymous said...

Craig said:
If someone put a roll of duct tape and a can of WD-40 on a cake, now we're talking! Representations of these things, I hasten to add, not the contents. Gotta spell things out in case any wreckerators are lurking. Otherwise, one could fully expect to see a cake mummy-wrapped in duct tape and marinated in the stuff of 1001 uses. Not good eats.


Please, please, please, please find a duct taped cake and post it. PLEAAAASSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Cupcakes Lady said...

Hilarious! Great stuff. Still laughing. ;) xx