Friday, July 30, 2010

Why On Earth Did You Buy THAT?

Friday, July 30, 2010




Oh.


Well, ok, then.


Seriously, I think I've just found my new favorite Wreckerator here. Way to work to your product's strengths, my friend! In fact, if you need any more ideas, I have a few suggestions:

"It beats jello"

"95% of diets fail anyway"

"Cheaper than therapy"

"It was this or rhubarb pie."

"The end MIGHT be nigh"


Ok, that's all I've got. Have anything better? Then gimmie your best 1-line Wreck sales pitch in the comments, and tonight I'll randomly select someone who makes me laugh to win a signed copy of Cake Wrecks, the book:
.
Only $5.20 on Amazon! Woot! Stock up!

I'll announce the winner in tomorrow's post, so check back then.

Now, quick, go BE FUNNY. Chop chop!


UPDATE: Here are some of my favorite entries so far, in case you don't feel like scrolling through the 1000+ comments:

"Now Dolphin Free!" - Jenniffer

"Think of the laughs you'll get" - Anony 10:09

"You could always send this to Cake Wrecks" - TechyDad

"Eatable" - Kathyrn R.

"Mostly Harmless" - Cat Beiber

"Get Used To Disappointment" - Lynn

"My Other Cake Has A Witty Saying On It" - Tessa Beers

"D***n it, Jim, I'm a Doctor, not a cake decorator!" - Becky@whatslifewithoutwhimsy

"It's not as old as it looks" - Jen (3:44pm)

"I quit" - Donna

"It was this or death" - M.A.

"Think of the children" - Tracy

"Like you could do any better." - Tami

"The bananas in your cart look lonely." - Charlie's Mom

"As seen on Cake Wrecks!" - Ashley

"We only would have screwed up your custom cake order, anyway." - Julie

"Don't act like you've never settled before." - Bryan & Jessica

"In some foreign countries this is actually a compliment." - Dolores

"Suck it, Trebek." - Janebabes
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John Armstrong said...

Now why you gotta go hatin' on rhubarb?

Laura Dotson-Thomson said...

It's cheaper than a therapist. (though I doubt they could spell 'therapist' correctly...

Melanie said...

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

E(Liz)a(Beth) said...

If I have to eat your mother's fruit cake one more time...

Pam said...

"You know you only want the icing."

Because that is the whole point of the cake, after all.

Alissa said...

Because I wanted to submit it to Cake Wrecks.

Cat B said...

Beats actually having to bake something yourself. :-)

Luke said...

Yummy Chocolate Inside

Trina said...

Eddie Izzard said it best "Cake or Death"

Trina

KittyMarie said...

Why the hell not?

Fluffy Cow said...

Because death seems so final.

CrazyRedheadChick said...

"Cake: Better for you than smoking."

Doodlebug + Friends said...

A few ideas:

"No Occassion Cake"

"Just Because"

"Share My Bad Day"

-Carrie

Fluffy Cow said...

Der cake!!

Lynnette said...

Because you don't want to bake one yourself.

French Bean & Coffee Bean said...

"I wanted to eat a wonky-looking cake, anyway."

And for the wrecked version:

"I wonted 2 eet a wanky-looking kake NEway...!'

Happy Friday!

-French Bean

Karen said...

Pink Roses but cheaper- and edible!

jluidhardt said...

With as many birthday cakes that have completely passed out of my memory, I say...

"Wood u half remembird thiz f it wer splled wright?"

Donna DeMonte said...

You can't go wrong with cake!

Laura said...

"It's what's for breakfast"

...or is that just me?

~Laura S

Russo said...

There's Crack in it.

Suzanne :-) said...

"At least it's spelled right"

:-D

A Peach said...

Look, we ran out of plastic crap.

Maureen said...

"I couldn't resist!"

Ashley said...

"You don't want this to go to waste."

or

"EAT ME."

DeDe said...

It's still cake!

Colette said...

Bringing a cake means LOVE ... even if it may look like it means hate

Suzanne :-) said...

...looks like jluidhardt and I had the same idea

Brittany Blais said...

"It has 15% of your daily fiber."

Kelly Rien said...

It's just diaper rash....

Scott said...

"The other white meat"

Mattea said...

"You were never going to fit into those pants again"

Ashley F. said...

Still better than a CCC!

Elizabeth said...

"A Lie."

Sandy said...

It all ends up the same color in the end.

Jenniffer said...

Best line to sell a cake:

"Now Dolphin Free!"

Rose said...

Eat Me.

cbe said...

"Because I love you?"

Chris said...

Because I knew I'd be able to send it in to Cake Wrecks!

Marf said...

Underneath the ugly, I'm still cake.

DB loves her Mac said...

Faymus kake feechurd on Kayk Rex!,!.

(translation: Famous cake featured on Cake Wrecks!)

DB

Kristin said...

:/ meh .....

Ninja Dreamer said...

"If you think it look's bad now, wait til you see it on your mother-in-laws hip's?"

K said...

It all goes to the same place anyway...

Ben Williams said...

The boss said to pick up something.

Jenn said...

It was asking to be put out of its misery!



WV:dedeou - Time to eat the wrecky cake, dedeou, dedeou.

Dena said...

Hey, at least it has frosting!

Kelly K said...

When it's cracked, all the calories leak out...

Kelly K

Pip said...

"Pick me. The donuts aren't fresh."

Katherine said...

"It's the thought that counts."

betsey said...

(on a poo-cake)
I was having a poopy day!

Jenny P said...

"End of Shift"

Rhiannon May said...

Cake- it insinuates you care.

Jessica Miller Kelley said...

"Maybe the sperm balloons are a fertility omen."

Sarah said...

"It's not 'like' your getting any thinner."

kmac said...

"generic cake"

-Katie

Melissa said...

"For those who dont care enough to send the very best"

Auntie Meme said...

How 'bout damning with faint praise:
Not Bad

Oooh, ooh, ooh my word verification is baker!

Evalis said...

"No cake for you!"

Melissa K said...

It's cat hair-free!

Liz said...

I was hungry

The bakery told me to.

The monkeys told me to.

I just got dumped.

Cake. It's whats for dinner.

I said no to the cookies, brownies, doughnuts and candy bars. So I wanted to celebrate.

i tried a peanut butter and carob smoothie once... they told me it'd taste like chocolate but it didn't.... said...

better than that chocolate rice cake with carob seeds on top you were planning on making for dessert

Kimberly Chapman said...

Cake: it's not just for breakfast!




wv: burli: a nice way to describe the heft of people who eat cake for breakfast

Megan M said...

The crack isn't THAT big.

Christi said...

Happy Earthquake Day!
(celebrating shifting tectonic plates around the world)

Allie said...

C'mon, I wrecked this cake, you can wreck your diet!

Knitter Barb said...

"the new salad"

or

"Health Cake"

At our office, we refer to donuts as 'health cakes', cause, you know, it makes them so much healthier.

janet said...

because I like big butts and I cannot lie

Ashlee L. said...

"Marie Antoinette said to."

Easily Interested said...

A few for you:

"Just Eat Me"

"You could get hit by a bus tomorrow!"

"Mmmm...frosting"

Anonymous said...

"The kids won't notice or care."


WV: salipsem
I salipsem a fast one with this wreck.

Denece said...

"Crack Kills"

-Denece

Scout said...

You could get hit by a bus later.

sam said...

Because the crack down the middle matches my broken heart.

or...

To prove that this day *could* get worse.

Jessica said...

It's better than a fork in the eye.

jen bryner said...

it's cheaper than a divorce :)

Kirsten said...

THE CAKE IS A LIE

webbie said...

Why the %#*& not?

KatRobi said...

Suggestion:

It was cake!

MzHartz said...

"Shut up and just eat it."

Fluffy Cow said...

You want sprinkles.

Blue & said...

It's red dye, not blood.

Crystal said...

It was this or meatloaf.

Rebecca said...

Cuz your husband forgot to pre-order.

BikEthan said...

It still tastes OK!

Derp... cake.

Failcake 1/2 off!

-Ethan

VeggieT said...

"It's what all the cool kids are eating"

OR

"Like your going to think up something better?"

jess said...

"5 second rule!!!"

jnj2214@aol.com




WV: deroph (I swear)...I derophed the cake but put it back into the box in under 5 seconds, LOL.

Crystal said...

Oh, another one.

Hey, starving children in China would love this!

lizzied said...

You didn't ask for votes on the comments, but "It's Still Cake" and "Now Dolphin Free" both made me laugh out loud.

Robyn said...

"It's almost past it's use by date" amirite?!

jen bryner said...

"it's what's inside that counts" or "it's what's 'underneat' that counts" or "i've had better"...that's all i got for now. :D

Andy said...

At least it's not a CCC.

The Cottage Child said...

"Don't feel bad, it's not your fault!"

"(it doesn't affect the flavor)"

"Happy Home School Coop Sizemoligy (sp?) Day"

Julia said...

It fit the budget.

They're going to smush it in each other's faces anyway.

It was the only thing left that wasn't a CCC.

The Vagabond Priest said...

Day-Old Cake. Must Sell. Half Price.

Sprite's Keeper said...

"This is all you're getting."

amydove said...

"Oops!"

Maria said...

"It could have been that vegetable you hate" (and they'll probably spell it "vegeble")

"Contains absolutely no fungus"

shmoni said...

"Stock up now for your next holiday/celebration/emotional catastrophe"

MeganLindsay said...

"It's (probably) not poisoned!"

Elisabeth said...

Its tastier on the inside.

Dawn said...

I NEEDED cake!

kdstentzel said...

This is better than a coiled poo dog.

JW said...

"Cake Cracks" in Green Icing.

Dawn said...

Cheaper than the therapist!

Joel Polowin said...

"50% off the calories too"

"100% green eco-cake"

Angela Reichenbach said...

Because the only thing better than cake is cake with a little crack in it.

Teak said...

Because Cake won't get your pregnant!

Victoria said...

Because Tapioca pudding looks like barf.

Adventures in MetroLand said...

Eat your feelings

Brenda said...

"Under Neat that write Got Carrot Jockeys?"

Sarah T. said...

Only dropped Once!

Felicia said...

"They said it was fat free"

I'm the Momma said...

Dumb pregnancy craving...

arch said...

Because there's no better way to say cengrat... condralu... congratulat... congradutation... congradulations... errr... YAY than cake.

Anonymous said...

Think of the laughs you'll get

Wendy said...

"Your son is gay" There.

blessedmommy said...

Diet doesnt start till tomorrow.

Little Miss "E" said...

Don't judge me,
It's what is INSIDE that counts!

Jacob said...

Hey, rhubarb pie is delicious! Strawberry rhubarb pie is downright heavenly.

Amy said...

It's someone's birthday somewhere.

Scotland said...

"cause it's friday"

"friday is the day of treats"

"it was looking at me funny..."

"why not"

"just because you're on a diet doesn't mean it has to be a 'healthy' one"

"cure for anorexia" (please don't kill me on the pire of political correctness)

Isolder74 said...

Cracked, just like you.

Anonymous said...

"This is chocolate"

LeAnna Nicholson

Meg said...

$7.99 or best offer

Let Them Eat Cake said...

Classic (Alice in Wonderland): Eat Me

Jenny said...

It's not too pretty to eat.

Heather said...

It's cake! Do you need a reason?

Jenna said...

What else were you expecting from ShopRite?

Pasifika said...

"Better than nothing, I guess."

I'm not sure it that would sell, but at least it's definitely not false advertising.

Alison said...

Broken cookies don't count nor do ugly cakes = #epicwinforthediet
-------------

Babsiegirl said...

Cake break! (get it? get it?)

Kayleen the Violinist said...

At least there's no poo on it.

becks said...

"it's only 1 day past expiration."

Jenn said...

"Meh..."

Emily J said...

Here's mine: "Oh, like you need a reason."

Or: "It's What's For Dinner. And breakfast. And lunch."

Little Miss "E" said...

I'm sorry...
It was all my FAULT!

The Phillips Family said...

"I'm broke"


with or without the apostrophe! ;)
~Carrie Phillips

Amber said...

This is not the cake you're looking for!

~Amber

Deb T said...

If you come to a fork in the cake, take it.

The Phillips Family said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
A&EMom said...

It didn't fall on the floor.

Jeff said...

Flaws are a feature!

Amyzon the Oracle said...

"It tastes fine."

"I've felt better."

"It's my last day"

Amyzon

mike said...

It's not delivery.

knitorpurl said...

"It looked better in my imagination"

Michelle said...

Because it's time you came out of the closet, Frank.

Living the Good Life? said...

Eh. Who cares? It's cake!

Faye said...

~you don't rate
~this is all you deserve
~broken cakes need love too
~failcakes need love too

TechyDad said...

"Hey, you could always send this to Cake Wrecks!"

Abby said...

Because I care.

shout4joy said...

eat me

Naomi Zikmund-Fisher said...

How about

"You said to pick up a cake, so I dropped it first."

or

"What do you expect on my allowance, mom?"

Anissa said...

She did say "Let them eat cake..."

Laura Knightly said...

"Under Jedi mind trick"

warrenusmc said...

Cake with crack is better than no cake at all.

Disneystarmom said...

Party Invites - $4.00
Party Supplies - $15.00
Party Decorations - $10.00
Party Cake - $1/2 off
Priceless

Charles said...

"Still better than your decorating skills"

or

"A nod's the same as a wink to a blind bat"

Morning Glow from Novel Addiction said...

"Let's be honest, what else do you have to do today?"

Kathy in S.B. said...

Cut Before Serving

Amazing Cakes By Vanessa! said...

Inconceivable!

Jessica said...

"Cheaper than a massage."

This could go two ways... It's an indulgence for myself that costs less than a massage... or it's less of an time investment for my husband to, ahem, butter me up. (Or should that be buttercream?)

Anonymous said...

We're all going to die eventually.

Bub said...

Bite Me

Leserlee said...

"To see it on Cake Wrecks."

g. said...

How about "its cake". straight and to the point (and with poor punctuation to boot!)

Kimberly said...

"We need to talk... But here's cake!"

Donia said...

"Filled with laxatives"

I can imagine a maniacal, going-postal Wreckerator actually putting a ton of laxatives in the cake and then trying to sell it. The question is, would people buy it???

Vindiciti said...

You know you want it.

Cheaper than gasoline.

Have your cake and eat it, too.

Not poisoned.

Buy me, or else!

Sugar highs are legal.

Liz said...

No stimulus money? This cake's for you.

My boss told me to write something on this cake.

Only 3 weight watchers points (really small underneath that) per bite.

This cake will crack your friends and family up.

The homeless shelter will not accept this cake as a donation.

Angie Yuska said...

The inside doesnt suck...

Vicky W. said...

"meh"

Whitney said...

I was hungry.

Tera 'thats me!' said...

Or, "It's fine, I brushed it off after I dropped it, look good as NEW!!"

"oh okay, fine, how about half off?"

Donna said...

"I Quit"

Ursa said...

Free IUD in the crack!

DonnaR said...

"They don pay me to be cleaver"

FloridaSam said...

"Leave Blank"

"I licked the spoon"

"I'm naked under the icicng"

"We're out of sprinkles"

"we all can't get flowers"

"I know you want the end piece"

Melissa said...

I call last piece!

Caroline B said...

50% Off! (I ate the other half...)

Tera 'thats me!' said...

"You know no one's gonna eat your broccoli encased in lime jello anyways."

But then again, that might be too many big words for the wreckerator, you know a few of them are gonna be misspelled...

greta leigh said...

sugar coma for the kids...
ten minutes of quiet for you...

greta leigh

Rebecca said...

Cake... the other white meat.

KateandMatt said...

"Beauty is only icing deep."

"The cake part (probably) tastes okay."

"Why not?"

"Don't judge me."

Jennifer said...

Bite Me in quotation marks

Jenny

Sara said...

Eff it.

Nada said...

Just say "NO"

Eva said...

It's better than Mom's meatloaf. Or, in true CW fashion:

"Itz badder then Moms MeatLoaf"

Miss-Ter said...

"It's only wafer thin!"

-Danielle Poirier

M said...

"Fail"


Simple and elegant...

Blu said...

Beats your cake.

Bryna said...

"Your mom would do a worse job than this..."

duffylou said...

It tastes the same with the lights off.

Tracy said...

Think of the children.

Andi said...

Go ahead, the cashier will never think you're eating it alone.

Monica H said...

My dad gave me money to buy a cake for my Mum and told me I could keep the change!

Monica

MrsMc said...

"I Tried - 1979"

Laura Mc

Wendy said...

Frosting 101 Final Exam
Underneath that
Grade: C

Caroline said...

THIS cake is not a lie

Beats real flowers

It's cake! It's pink! It has flowers on it! OMG!

It's fat free... not!

Rebecca said...

Should've read the comments first. Someone else already used "the other white meat".

Ooh-ooh - how 'bout...

"No Whammies!"

Heh.

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