Friday, July 30, 2010

Why On Earth Did You Buy THAT?

Friday, July 30, 2010




Oh.


Well, ok, then.


Seriously, I think I've just found my new favorite Wreckerator here. Way to work to your product's strengths, my friend! In fact, if you need any more ideas, I have a few suggestions:

"It beats jello"

"95% of diets fail anyway"

"Cheaper than therapy"

"It was this or rhubarb pie."

"The end MIGHT be nigh"


Ok, that's all I've got. Have anything better? Then gimmie your best 1-line Wreck sales pitch in the comments, and tonight I'll randomly select someone who makes me laugh to win a signed copy of Cake Wrecks, the book:
.
Only $5.20 on Amazon! Woot! Stock up!

I'll announce the winner in tomorrow's post, so check back then.

Now, quick, go BE FUNNY. Chop chop!


UPDATE: Here are some of my favorite entries so far, in case you don't feel like scrolling through the 1000+ comments:

"Now Dolphin Free!" - Jenniffer

"Think of the laughs you'll get" - Anony 10:09

"You could always send this to Cake Wrecks" - TechyDad

"Eatable" - Kathyrn R.

"Mostly Harmless" - Cat Beiber

"Get Used To Disappointment" - Lynn

"My Other Cake Has A Witty Saying On It" - Tessa Beers

"D***n it, Jim, I'm a Doctor, not a cake decorator!" - Becky@whatslifewithoutwhimsy

"It's not as old as it looks" - Jen (3:44pm)

"I quit" - Donna

"It was this or death" - M.A.

"Think of the children" - Tracy

"Like you could do any better." - Tami

"The bananas in your cart look lonely." - Charlie's Mom

"As seen on Cake Wrecks!" - Ashley

"We only would have screwed up your custom cake order, anyway." - Julie

"Don't act like you've never settled before." - Bryan & Jessica

"In some foreign countries this is actually a compliment." - Dolores

"Suck it, Trebek." - Janebabes
«Oldest   ‹Older   1201 – 1396 of 1396   Newer›   Newest»
Flartus said...

Because I'm not really that sorry.

(But Jen, I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard at a wreck!)

invisibledaddy said...

This cake intentionally left blank.

Lulu said...

"Serve in the dark for best results"

^.^

jetermonroe said...

Well SOMEBODY had to buy me a birthday cake!!

jetermonroe said...

Well SOMEBODY had to buy me a birthday cake since you forgot!!

LutherLiz said...

Reverse psychology

Amy Rainey said...

"It" has a crack in it!

cookiegoddess42 said...

"Honey", I'm having an affair, but I still love you too.

Stephanie :) said...

Five second rule

Nymphadora Potter said...

You are getting hungry, veeery hungry.

Emma E-S said...

at least it's not poisonous!

jeanella said...

i bet a lot more of delicious chocolate cake inside. . .yum yum yum

Rachel E. said...

Hey it was chocolate

Stephanie said...

It made me feel better about myself!

Moments Of Mom said...

Eat it, you know you want to!

ana nehmus said...

"well... you gotta pay for something THIS bad..."

One Woman said...

I was gunna get a card but this tastes better.
I was too lazy to make one myself.
I didn't say I was sharing.
Cake? What cake? This is not the cake you seek!

Jessica said...

"This cake could make Chuck Norris cry."

Christina T said...

"In this economy, can you really afford to splurge on a well-decorated cake?"

GVentola@aol.com said...

Cake for cake's sake

Haley said...

Haley Lacey:
"It's cake, you need a better reason"

gromit12 said...

At least you didn't have to make it

What do you expect for $8.99

This was the best one they had

Anonymous said...

If you dont buy me i go in the trash and kids in Africa are starving!

Guilt alway works!

gromit12 said...

it should taste ok I guess

Alison said...

I have a few, from California...

It's all your fault!

Let's split hairs!

It was only a 3.7 on the Richter Scale.

You crack me up!

You look younger than the cake!

Sorry about your break up.

Nicole and Garrett said...

It's Walmart...what were you expecting

I work at Walmart as a cake decorator and that is what I honestly always think when I make a crappy cake :)

--Nicole

Kero said...

"It followed me home."

~Keri

Anonymous said...

If you're not first, you're last.

SLS

Annie said...

The low road.
or
It's a lie.

Anonymous said...

a step above a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, one step below a bag of icing ontop of a cookie.

Anonymous said...

"insert funny line here."

Bruce, Andrea, & Ashtyn said...

Because I didn't have enough for the were-bunny cake. -Andrea W-

Anonymous said...

You can't have your cake spelled right and eat it too.

-Donna W.

Black Cat Ranch said...

It matched my dress.

Jeanette said...

When you care enough to send the very best...

Diane said...

Its all its cracked up to be

Kris M said...

You know you want this cake so you can send it to Cake Wrecks.

Katie said...

I thought it was slimming!

Rachel said...

Like you could do better.

Dolores said...

Say hello to my leetle friend!

momma frans said...

"bite me"

or

"will power is overrated"

Dolores said...

When it comes to frosting, literacy is optional.

The Unseelie Pixie said...

"Because breaking up by text message is tacky..."

:::b r a n d i::: said...

The ice cream is on the other side of the store.

Laurel said...

Because I was nauseated and the pink icing reminded me of Pepto-Bismol.

Jason said...

It was 4:45pm when I started this, and they don't pay overtime...

amanda said...

why waste good cake?

Kimberly Riley said...

Mongo like cake! (What??? I would buy a cake that said that!)

Stacy said...

still tastes like cake

MrsMalcolmDarcy said...

Crackatation Situation!

Cheryl said...

My one liner...

"It STILL tastes good!"

or

"It STILL tastes like cake!"

Athena said...

The worse it looks the more cake will be left for you after your party!

Dolores said...

Here's a diabetic coma just waiting to happen.

Jason said...

It was 4:45pm when I startied this and Im not payd overtime...

Marla C said...

It was this or a CCC...

Dolores said...

Why drinking, driving and cake don't mix.

Zocktastic said...

"You need a reason?"

Zocktastic said...

Dang! Haley beat me to it! ... I think...

Adele said...

"You're going to eat it anyway."

Dolores said...

Approved for human consumption.

Our family said...

What crack?

or

You know you want me anyway!

Andrea E said...

Does this make my butt look fat????

Mark & Nicki Wintch said...

I have PMS and this is the best you're gonna get!

Aimerzzz(: said...

Beats wrecking it yourself...

Alisa said...

Here's a couple:

You can't handle the truth.

In true Maury style, "You are NOT the father."

It was only one time.

It's not you, it's me.

Cause I dropped the first one.



Alisa

morgenbard said...

Because it was cheaper than whatever you wanted.

morgenbard

Dolores said...

Proof that demon possession exists.

Andrea C said...

I was young so I didn't know any better.

Nancy said...

"Cake, cleavage, what more d'ya want?"

Dolores said...

Made from recycled materials.

Andrea E said...

got milk?

Stephanie V said...

What crack?

Haunted Mansion Geek said...

"Don't judge a cake by it's decorations."

or

"Please excuse my penmanship."

Anonymous said...

"orphan"


You have to take it home.

Corina

Mandy K said...

It's the inside that counts

Dolores said...

You know, in some foreign countries this is actually a compliment.

jewlz frytini said...

crack ISN'T whack! as long as it's in the icing

Natasha said...

Because "Happy Falker Satherhood" was already taken.

Natasha McCallister

Jettness said...

The more you drink the better it looks!

Samix said...

Put quotes around 'couldn't afford the fish sticks'

Nicky said...

"Buy this 'cake'."

Stephanie said...

Sugar is a food group.

Madeleine said...

I only love you this much.

Samantha said...

It all goes to the same place anyway.

There's always tomorrow.

calisto said...

"Because yes"

Kim Taveras said...

"Hey some of the best things in life are a little cracked."

"Cake can't cure disease, but it sure makes you feel good."

"Cracked? I don't see any crack."

"Not unlike your favorite plumber... I also show crack"

*Monica* said...

Because I didn't have any will power left.
-Monica :)

Amanda said...

I can't be funny...I am too busy laughing.

Kelly said...

"5-Second Rule, Right?"

"Recycle Me."

Kelly H.

Kelly said...

"5-Second Rule, Right?

"Recycle Me."

Kelly H.

sjjannen said...

"The Cheapest One"

"Your girlfriend wants me."

"Take me to your kitchen."

"My fate: your mouth or the dumpster."

Joe H said...

"and eat it too"

Jojo said...

"At least I iced this one"
"It could've been worse"
"I want a raise"

Joanna

Boomer said...

You can eat it before you get home. NO ONE HAS TO KNOW . . .

Anonymous said...

I just thought of another one:

"No longer You-Know-Who's horcrux. Now safe for consumption."

-Kate M.

Rachel said...

"What else are you doing"

Kate M. said...

"Real Cake included"

Maren said...

"What, you're not perfect either."

"Happy Birthday, Crackhead"

"Repent and Avoid The Abyss"

"You're worth it."

sf said...

Fresh Day-Old!

sfcrowe

Anonymous said...

Frosted with pride by Bobbie Lurlene
(by Kris Ricigliano)

Cody R said...

Just piping this to add more icing. I like extra sweet cakes, ya know?

gromit12 said...

You'r already fat, just eat it

Anonymous said...

"At least it won't give you syphillus"

Stephanie :)

SusieJinTX said...

"10 second rule!"

AmandaW said...

"You bought it here, what were you expecting?"

Kirsten said...

At least it doesn't look like poo.

Pippajo said...

"I had to order my own d*mn cake"

My sister worked in a supermarket bakery and once took an order from a man who wanted that on his cake.

Bryan & Jessica said...

My apologies if there are any "Epcots", but here are mine:
"The real bakery was closed"
"Because I care enough to spend the very least"
"Fresh out of carrot jockeys"
"Herry Birthmaschristenaversary!"
"Cake: $20, Candles: $2, Buying something to post on CakeWrecks: Priceless"
"At least it's not fruitcake?"
And my personal favorite:
"Don't act like you've never settled before."

K said...

"....because it's cake?"

C said...

"Going out of business"

or

"Display Cake Only" (50% off sticker still glaringly attached on upper left hand corner...)

Sumaya said...

I taste good
I'm still cake
you need a pick me up
please take me!
Looking for a home
I clean, I wash..
I'm lonely
I'm the best looking cake on the shelf
nice outfit!

That's all I've got!

Christi said...

Buy the cake or they'll fire me!

Arlene said...

Could be worse this could have a clown about to smush your dog on it.

Arlene said...

At least it isn't celebrating VD day :D

Jo said...

-To Do-
Fix cabinet door
Unclog airbrush tip
Take down fly strips
Buy more paper for bakery office

Emma said...

"Let Them Eat Me"

"What else where you going to buy, underpants?"

"The bananas in your cart look lonely"

Kathryn R said...

then, in blue icing
"now it's 75 percent off"

Snapdragon said...

"This cake has a diamond center"

Or, if you want me to translate it into Wreckerator speak...

""The centir of this cakeis dimond""

Sarah said...

Derp!

Helene Wein said...

You really crack me up!!!

Amy said...

"You crack me up!"

Shannon said...

"Another day on display and I'd start to get moldy."
-Shannon

K. Rubin said...

Pie Sucks!

Erin said...

"this is a cake."

Solei'na said...

The STD-giving hooker or the cake?

Anonymous said...

"Hey, where's Perry?"

Jenn

Kimberly said...

Suggestion #1: I couldn't afford a ring

Suggestion #2: Happy Significant Day

Kim Fields

Ashley Whaley said...

Not Quite Fresh?

Katie said...

"It's all a lie"
or
"I'm lying"
or something along those lines. Probably already been done though.
-Katie :)

Princess said...

A balanced diet is a slice in each hand!

Princess said...

a balanced diet is a slice in each hand ;)

T said...

Your other option is Brussels sprouts.

PoeticZi said...

"I still taste good"

or

"You know you still want it"

Teresa said...

"4 hours after eating this will look just as good as any other cake"

Suzi said...

"World's going to end in 2012 anyway" :-p

1993wel said...

It tastes like chicken.

Karen said...

"Only Dropped Once"

[submitted by Karen]

Anonymous said...

Cake: the 7th major food group

Sandra said...

The only humane thing to do was to put it out of its misery...who has a fork?

Adam O said...

"My cupcake beat up your cupcake"

"You should See the "other" cake"



-Adam O.

Apryle said...

"Grade D but edible"

Amy said...

Made in China

Jess said...

How long do you actually think this will last?

Jess said...

Eat Me!

Catherine Noble Beyer said...

The cake is a lie

Penny said...

May contain nuts!

Julie the Nerd said...

Meh.

JC said...

How about...

Please don't eat me!

Karen said...

I think if I got a cake like that, i;d go Sheldon and want it to say "Bazinga!"

MPH Mom said...

Just thought I'd submit this golden oldie....

Mom and Dad went all the way to (fill in the city) and all I got was this lousy cake...

MPH Mom
Cobourg, ON

Jess Parsons said...

At least it's not a cupcake cake...

At least it's not half BAKED...

Cake adds life...

Bork bork bork bork bork BORK!

Kalen said...

Cake.

Craig said...

"The 'enjoy by' date is just a guide. Honest."

BTW, what was half price -- the frosting?

Christine said...

Carpe laganum

Christine said...

Crunchy Frog

Viiriäinen said...

"Mom told you to taste everything"

Lyndsay said...

Double dog dare!

Amy Mac said...

And it tastes bad too!

or in true wrecker lingo

"N it tatses bad two"

Moll in MO said...

Because the crack matches my husband's crack!

Jen Marie said...

beware the wombats

or

OMG whats that behind you?!?!

Brooke said...

"We won't judge."

Brooke said...

"We won't judge."

Brooke said...

"We've all been there."

Tiffany said...

Could be worse, could be raining...

Brooke said...

"It's just easier."

terrier817 said...

"Crack kills
and cuts the price of this cake in half"

Alysa Sawyer said...

"Have Some Icing With Your Cake...Wreck!"

Rachel said...

"Bite me". Or would that actually be good on a cake? Never mind!

Nicebroom said...

nice and simple: "meh?"

Anonymous said...

"suck it trebek" AHAHAHA!

(pairs niceley with the 2nd comment about "therapist")

heeheeee! just made my day :)
-moochmom

Kelli said...

Think "ohana." Its broken...but still good.

Kelli

Diana L. said...

Earthquake Special.

Serenity said...

"Optional alien inside non-negotiable"

La said...

I mean, hey, it could have been your tattoo.

angela said...

Well dear I am sorry...the gal said cake decorating just isn't all its cracked up to be...and well you did say I shouldn't have...

Patty said...

Like YOU Could Do Better

Karin P said...

Too late - I was out of town! But mine:
(Blank inside)

Robyn said...

Okay, I haven't read every post ... I didn't see it on your honorable mention list ... didn't anyone say:

SPLIT HAPPENS



Mrs_Lane_E_Us

KatieQ said...

I'm on a high fiber diet and I noticed there was some lint on the frosting.

MissNay said...

Dear JaneBabes,
Your 'suck it Trebek' made me unreasonably happy. Thank you.

Lyn said...

Bite me.

Have a happy bris!

Another birthday. Big whoop.

Cake...it's what's for dinner.

Jeremy said...

At least it's not made of g**d**m cupcakes.

RegisteredAssassin said...

"At least you tried."

Best Simpson's cake ever

Sue said...

Ma!

*star.mama* said...

They beat me here.
Without the frosting, I'm licked.
Now with less zombie virus!

Avg. P said...

Rhubard was never meant to be eaten by humans anyways ;)
Nice photos by the way, visit my blog as well.

http://averagepeta.blogspot.com/

Courtney said...

Ce n'est pas un gâteau.

Mandie said...

OH! This is my submission! How glorious.

The story: it was our friend Tom's birthday and we had an improv show that evening and deemed it appropriate to buy cake. We could have bought him a nice cake but let's be honest, half-drunk comedians don't appreciate that sort of stuff. They did however appreciate this wreck. Happy Half Price Birthday, Tom.

Anna said...

My shift ends in fifteen minutes! (I've worked at grocery store bakeries, and it's SO true!)

Cheyenne Gonzalez Ramirez said...

"U R really old"
"Oh no I did her again"
"I'm half baked"
"try me"
"Don't panic"
"I improvised"
"amateur psshh"
"it's better than your sex"
"I want a divorce"
"never say never"
"what's the worst that can happen?"

Anonymous said...

Because the cupcakes were too expensive...


Jayde

Anneliesvd said...

"In case of contact with eyes, rinse immediately with plenty of water and seek medical advice."

observer of odd said...

put the pichforks down.... aaahhh! their going for the torches!!!!!!!!

Zekrom10 said...

"at least 1% edible!"

Anonymous said...

They're just gonna EAT it Anyways!
Nora

Haiku Joy said...

"I hate birthday boys."
"Take home unadoptables."
"Sorry - no refunds."

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