Monday, July 5, 2010

What's Our Name? And What Are We Celebrating?

Monday, July 5, 2010

Yesterday we came together as a nation to celebrate. What we were celebrating depends on which bakery you visited.

This one is really fond of "Ame:"

The good news is that this is a "display only" cake. So your cake probably won't look like this.
It'll be much, much worse.



Here's a bakery that appreciates blue bananas and dive-bombing banana spiders:

Yellow Spider: "Cowabungaaa!!!"

Blue Banana: "Spiders. Why does it always have to be spiders?"


Of course, most bakeries went with the traditional "Redesign the American Flag" contest:

See, when you put the blue bit in the middle, it's more balanced.

Another option:



Because stripes are so last century.


Then there was the slightly less popular but still wildly successful "Redesign America" contest:

All these years, and I had no idea I was living in a giant uvula.


And finally, there were the bakeries who didn't know what they were celebrating any more than their customers did.

Today doesn't need yesterday OR tomorrow. Yeah. So there.


Either that plastic flag is upside down, or this is a really patriotic volcano/mushroom cloud. Or - OR - the American version of the eye of Sauron: the eye of Sam, maybe? Eh? Eh? Bwahahahaaa!

Hm? No, actually, I didn't get much sleep last night. Why do you ask?


Free dome enjoys ringing. Free dome wants to ring.
So let the dome ring, man. Let it ring.


Thank goodness wreckporter Gina asked this bakery what "4ID" stood for.

Can you guess what the answer was?

Hah, no, after that. And then after, "I don't know, let me ask my manager?"

If you guessed "For Independence Day," then you either text too much or manage this bakery. Or, possibly, both.


Sally B., Ariel L., Elizabeth J., Leslie J., Rebekah W., Laura T., Beth H., Jaela N., Dawnan H., & Gina P., gr8 w!
Anonymous said...

I really didn't think it could get worse. Really.

*faceplant*

Reaffirming my promise to never BUY cakes and to continue to make them myself.

*sigh*

If we all rose up and never bought them, would they get better? Or would the staff continue to make such monstrosities so they got to eat the leftovers?

~~Di

wv -- nysti -- those are some really nysti cakes.

John said...

Mrs. Nerd thought the Freedome cake was for bald folks.

Nora said...

I love the light reflection on the "stars as stripes" cake. It almost looks like the ghost of Betsy Ross is about to give that monstrosity a big ol' forehead flick.

Tricia L said...

What has America (or is it Amerika) come to? Are our school systems failing our children? Do they spend too much time teaching what's going to be on the state standardized test that they don't teach basics like what the flag looks like, how to spell, how to draw a simple mushroom cloud? Why, why, why!!!!

*shakes head, sighs*

(Note: Enlarge the mushroom cloud CCC and look to left. Is that a plastic fireworks thingy or an arsenal of nuclear warheads? Might explain the mushroom cloud.)

Shauna said...

I think the "mushroom cloud" cake is possibly supposed to be the Liberty Bell. And the only reason I think that is because I don't have a creative bone in my body, so if I tried to make a cake look like the Liberty Bell, it would probably look just like that.

Archaic Dome said...

That last one could be a tribute to the Fourth Infantry Division. We usually call it 4ID. :)

You know, to give the baker plausible deniability...

"No, that's not a wreck. That's a tribute to the Ivy Division! You know, with no ivy."

Trembling in Traverse City said...

You may be living in a giant uvula, but Michigan was taken right off the map!

So where the hell am I?!!! How am I here!? Do I exist!!?

Wow. Never thought baked goods would make me question my mortality.

Anonymous said...

Oh good god, what is with people

Chaos6267 said...

Wow. A circular flag... interesting! And uh... SIX stripes? And what about the fifty stars??? What happened to them huh? HUH??? I guess some of them were slacking off so they lost their job or something.

Stephanie said...

Dive-bombing banana spiders... brilliant. :D

Kelly said...

Horrible wreckage...awesome Harry Potter reference!

Joanne said...

The second to last one looks like Bing and therefore Microsoft is now infiltrating our bakeries to advertise there crappy search engine.

Naomi said...

A bit less than nine years ago, somebody out on Snows Road wrote "God Bless America" on their plastic sectional fencing. It looked like a heartfelt (if somewhat sloppily-written) tribute for a few months, until the "rica" section fell over and nobody bothered to replace it. I think of the first cake as a tribute to the seven-year reign of the "God Bless Ame" fence.

Delibird said...

I'm not sure, but I think that mushroom cloud/volcano thingy cake was intended to be a representation of an Uncle Sam hat.

Maybe.

Flying an American flag upside-down is a well-known distress signal. Coincidence? I think not. These cakes all need HELLLP!

Sarah said...

Those cakes are sad but serious points for making both a Harry Potter AND Lord of the Rings reference when the cakes were about the 4th of July.

Purplewalls said...

Tipping my hat to the "Spiders, it's always spiders" line, because that's what I always thought it shoulda been.

Kate said...

Turn the mushroom cloud 90 degrees to the left. I think it was supposed to be Uncle Sam's hat. (Note I still say "supposed to be.")

The Boob Nazi said...

These hurt me inside.

snarkygurl said...

.and here I thought Florida was America's wang (too much TV for me).

Anonymous said...

"free dome" was probably some teenage guy trying to get some haha

Miff said...

Dad humens have to fight for freedome!

Also, I think the last one was meant to be ID4?

Christy said...

Wow... 4ID, huh? It actually combines my loathing of nonsensical abbreviation with cake wrecking! LOL

Bree said...

The Freedome cake was probably decorated by Dan "Potatoe" Quayle.

Denita said...

Long-time lurker and fan saying Howdy from Texas! That's the other dangly bit on that quasi-USA cake... ;-)

Don't look now, but I think that USA cake is a dreaded CCC, too! And am I the only one that thinks Florida needs a little blue pill...? ;-)

Sharon said...

I'm seeing either a Liberty Bell if you view it from the right-side-up flotsam flag, or Uncle Sam's hat if you view it the other way. So it's a trick cake like the pretty girl/ugly old hag picture. Except this cake is just ugly/ugly.

As far as the spider cake, I see cattails or even worse rising up to the sky. When I first saw the quote, "Why does it always have to be spiders?" I thought of Indiana Jones, but he was talking about snakes instead.

Sharon's Edible Art

Melinda said...

Maybe the "Freedome" cake was a tribute to a new En Vogue song about discrimination of bald people:
"Free your dome, and the rest will follow. Be hair blind, don't be so shallow."

My daughter and I always check the cake display in our grocery store for wrecks, but haven't really found any. Even when the design is borderline wrecky, the execution is done well. I am amazed that the places selling these wrecks count on someone to actually pay for them.

wv: destr -- the "oy" was used up when viewing these wrecks.

Anonymous said...

Back when the movie Independence Day came out, it was given a short title of "ID 4". Maybe the baker remembered that bit of stupid advertising but got it wrong?

Galadriel said...

Blue *banana*. Of course. Sure.

Hey, I've seen "Ame" used as a nickname for "Amy." I don't know why a two-syllable name needs a nickname, but (shrug) I've seen it.

Kelsey said...

you know, I actually think that little "eye of Sam" bugger could be an american jellyfish. You never know, it could happen. ish.

Mary Connealy said...

I'm going with Uncle Sam's hat on that one with the upside down plastic flag.

And isn't an upside down flag a distress signal.....which fits.

Kat said...

I think the last cake is supposed to be a tribute to the movie Independence Day, only that was ID 4, not 4ID...just a thought

November Jocasta Wilde said...

The saddest thing is that your "uvula" comment made me cringe for a second before I remembered what an uvula actually is. I'm just smart like that. ^^;;;

KosherAcademic said...

I thought it was a jellyfish as well. A very patriotic jellyfish.

lauren said...

I agree that last cake was probably supposed to be ID4, but it made me think that maybe they were asking for ID... Do you have to be over 21 to purchase that cake?

Susan L said...

Or, on the last cake - you are a 9 year old who comes up with the answer...... no, she doesn't text. It must be just how their minds work.....

MissNay said...

Ohhhh I thought 4ID was for 4th ID and I got all excited my old unit got featured on a cake. I mean, yeah it's a crappy cake but I was still excited...

Michele Siedenburg said...

I want the "Independent Day" for my Divorce cake! Whee~ lol

pat said...

I think the mushroom cloud thingy is really Uncle Sam's top hat - rotate it to the left, one quarter turn. Am I right?

Alex said...

I wish we had cakes like this in England but it's such a delight seeing your collected disasters and crying with laughter at all the comments. It does just keep on getting worse - magic!

Keith & Jodi said...

4ID = Fourth Infantry Division.

Heather said...

Let freedome bing indeed.

Jenn said...

Crap...I really *do* text too much!

Elphie said...

One of my summer class professors, who is Chinese, wished us all a "happy Independent day!" in an email on Friday. Seeing that phrase here made me laugh and laugh. Good times!

Anonymous said...

I'm just wondering what those people who commented on the comparitively minor imperfections on yesterday's cakes must think of today's monstrosities! We should always remember- it can always get worse.
-Sarah

Connie Moreno said...

I didn't think things could get any funnier but it just got worse and worse, LOL!!! Priceless!!

Aliza said...

Just what are those bananas *supposed* to be? A July-themed advertisement for an anti-STI clinic?! (Although I liked the TMNT reference!!)

Given that the "map" is a CCC, how hard would it have been to have moved "Texas" over so it wasn't on top of poor Louisiana???? Seriously, haven't the Gulf states suffered enough -- and now they're eliminated?

The mushroom cloud could be a very weird old-fashioned telephone (the white banana is the handset, the red stripes is where the dial should be....). It's either that or a Rorschach test!

The 4ID... a texting psychology major?

Anonymous said...

The mushroom cloud cake is obviously Uncle Sam's hat.

TxGirl said...

If you turn it just a scootch, the image on the giant cookie with a *flag* is actually a windsock.

Adrienne said...

I also thought 4th Infantry Division when I saw the cake, but only because that's what unit I'm currently in. I said, "That's not a wreck!" - then I read the comment underneath. Just when you think you can help the bakery out...

Karen Francis said...

For the the eye of Sam, my 7 year old is sitting next to me and say "What is that?... a boat" I said, "No it's not a boat"... she said then "it's a hat with streamers on it".

Kids know these things!

Amanda said...

The CCC sort of looks like udders. Maybe it is a tribute to the farmlands. It seems they don't like many of the other states anyways.

Some people like milk with their cake, apparently.

Craig said...

"God bless Ame..." is obviously the visible part of a pre-fab message, probably on paper. The giant 'cake wreck awareness ribbon' / horse collar (we're talking serious frosting here) was added to hold the edges down. Pointy-haired Boss would be proud of the engineering that went into that.

Is the American flag that hard to come by this time of year? Might not one see a proper example on the way to the wreckery? Or elsewhere in the store, perhaps?

Next, Carl's Jr. covers America (with frosting). Why the United Cupcakes would be on a burlap background escapes me. Nice rendition of the Isthmus of Florida, though.

Speaking of CC's, Uncle Sam's hat with an upside down flag could be appropriate. These wreckerators certainly need some kind of help...

Blaze said...

Well, not meaning to attack nice folk or defend dimwits, but Americans play pretty fast and loose with their Stars & Stripes. From Captain America's shield to string bikinis to bumper stickers, as long as it has a star, a stripe and red, white & blue are the colours, any design is patriotic.

Brooke said...

Cake 5:
Am I the only one who sees a grinchy hand reaching to pluck a star right off that cake.

Rita said...

4ID?? I would have never guessed!
Oh my, oh my ... don't know what else to say!

Michael Baron said...

Happy Independent Day?

I am disappoint. :-|

Anonymous said...

I personally love to celebrate Independant Day by letting freedome ring. God Bless Ame.

Anonymous said...

As per Homer Simpson - it's not a uvula, it's "America's wang".

Anonymous said...

Glad "4ID" was explained. If you live in the Ft. Hood area, 4ID means 4th Infantry Division!

Anonymous said...

I couldn't get a pic, but I saw a 4th of July cake at a local grocery store this weekend that was an extremely artfully done CCC (patoie etc) of a big crab. Claws, eyestalks, etc. Crab. With "Happy 4th of July" written on it, spelled correctly and written beautifully. On a CRAB.

-Nena

BADKarma! said...

You contrast today's cakes with the "Sunday Sweets" cakes, and you weep. Not with joy, either.

wv - salast - Salast time I expect a baker to actually know what Independence Day means... Sigh...

Anonymous said...

Number 8 is a smurf with a red and white beard. He's trendy.

Can't See Sheep said...

LOL! Because stripes are so last century. Well, y'know, horizontal stripes aren't very slimming & what with everyone being so weight conscious these days, just saying.

Wow when did Florida get as big as Texas???

Oooo the eye of Sam, so that's what that light really is on top of the Washington Monument.

Could the last one's be anymore uninspired.

Ame said...

I actually LOVE the first cake. My name is Ame and my birthday is on July 4th. I about fell out of my chair when I saw this blog. That cake would have been perfect for me yesterday!!
--Ame Franks

Anonymous said...

4ID

4th Infantry Division

jennl777 said...

Thank goodness you're here to provide Wreckage Translation. Otherwise I would have humiliated myself by allowing free dome to Bing.

Is it too late to move to Canada? Or did we go too far with our butchered songs and menstrual cakes?

NJS said...

"ID" is my usual abbreviation for identify or identification. I suppose I'm for identification...

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Arlene said...

I would ask 4ID of the person that made that cake. And then promptly smack them with a candle for taking a shortcut lol. I had to look at yesterdays cakes just so I wouldn't cry looking at these but that blue "banana" nearly had me choking with laughter until I saw the spiders and hid under my chair.. I hate spiders lol.

Wolvie Girl said...

Looking at the mushroom Sauron jellyfish cake made me wonder: doesn't flotsam usually come with a pointy end that you shove into the poor defenceless cake in order to make it stay put? I get the odd feeling that maybe the pointy end is on the wrong end of the flag. I'm an Aussie and even I know which way up it's meant to be :D

wv - tedukerc: the sad little choking sound made when one accidentally swallows the flotsam

Rachel P said...

That 70s show! :) Free Dome wants a popsicle...go get him a popsicle man!

LeedleFishy said...

Wow... is that supposed to be a yellow ribbon, on the first cake? As for the bananas on cake #2 my vote is for fireworks, but that certainly doesn't explain the spiders. Mushroom cloud = supposed to be Uncle Sam's hat works for me! And, I too thought the Harry Potter reference was a slightly modified Indiana Jones reference, lol.

Saturday night I has this dream where a woman I knew (who I don't know in real life) had three sons, and they all qualified to go on this tv show. You know what show it was? It was the Kay Krex show, WITH Bakerella! So I'm sitting there in this public place (in the dream) sobbing because I don't get to be on tv with Kay Krex and Bakerella. :(

...I *think* it's 'cause I'd spent a couple hours catching up on this blog and then found out about some cake contests on Bakerella's blog, (www.bakerella.com) but it could also be a sign of my heart's true desire.

morriganscrow said...

Does anyone else think the 'things' on the second cake are ribbed, albeit patriotic, condoms...or is it just me?

As for the spiders? Not going there. No way. Nuh uh.

Laura E. Jordan said...

Agreed that the 4ID cake likely was supposed to be ID4, because of the movie. There could be worse things they put on there, obviously, but why would you decorate a cake with something when even YOU don't know what it means?

Anonymous said...

I totally got the 4ID cakes, but it's because people started calling the movie Independence Day ID4 after a while.

ladyrazorsharp said...

The sideways one with the light blue and the stripes--what IS it?? Is it a flag? Is it an Uncle Sam hat? WHAT IS IT =0

Rachel Whitten said...

I'm just going to pretend those last ones were a tribute to my husband's old unit, the Fourth Infantry Division, even though the unit's color, green, and it's symbol, ivy, do not show up, even remotely.

But it all makes sense now...sort of! And any other explanation just doesn't...make sense.

Lihtox said...

Actually, it would violate the US Flag Code to make an actual flag cake, as flags are not supposed to be placed on temporary objects that will be thrown away, eaten, etc (including napkins). There's no penalty for violating the Flag Code, but maybe the bakers are avoiding the real design so as not to annoy the purists, hyperpatriots, and/or former Boy Scouts. (I know enough of the Flag Code that I am amused when people violate it in the course of trumping up their patriotism).

Or maybe that's giving the bakers too much credit. :)

Samantha said...

Why couldn't they have been butterflies?

Anonymous said...

the mushroom cloud looks like a hat to me

Gale said...

That 4ID cake wasn't sold in Arizona, was it?

Claire D said...

The '4ID' cake reminds me of when Independence Day with Will Smith came out. All the local cinemas had 'ID4' instead of the actual title up.

Chelsea said...

Yay Harry Potter Reference!

~Nikki~ said...

ok #2 looks like an independence day inspired pack of condoms!




check out my blog: nikkiscakery.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

4th Infantry Division?

Anonymous said...

I was thinking the last cake stood for the 4th Infantry Division; of the US Army. I guess it would depend on where the baker is from.

Julia said...

I have never laughed so hard

robin said...

I have never laughed so much in my life. I was crying and I think I peed my pants at the same time.

Haiku Joy said...

Banana spiders
know they must strike now, while the
naner is burnt black.