Friday, July 30, 2010

Why On Earth Did You Buy THAT?

Friday, July 30, 2010




Oh.


Well, ok, then.


Seriously, I think I've just found my new favorite Wreckerator here. Way to work to your product's strengths, my friend! In fact, if you need any more ideas, I have a few suggestions:

"It beats jello"

"95% of diets fail anyway"

"Cheaper than therapy"

"It was this or rhubarb pie."

"The end MIGHT be nigh"


Ok, that's all I've got. Have anything better? Then gimmie your best 1-line Wreck sales pitch in the comments, and tonight I'll randomly select someone who makes me laugh to win a signed copy of Cake Wrecks, the book:
.
Only $5.20 on Amazon! Woot! Stock up!

I'll announce the winner in tomorrow's post, so check back then.

Now, quick, go BE FUNNY. Chop chop!


UPDATE: Here are some of my favorite entries so far, in case you don't feel like scrolling through the 1000+ comments:

"Now Dolphin Free!" - Jenniffer

"Think of the laughs you'll get" - Anony 10:09

"You could always send this to Cake Wrecks" - TechyDad

"Eatable" - Kathyrn R.

"Mostly Harmless" - Cat Beiber

"Get Used To Disappointment" - Lynn

"My Other Cake Has A Witty Saying On It" - Tessa Beers

"D***n it, Jim, I'm a Doctor, not a cake decorator!" - Becky@whatslifewithoutwhimsy

"It's not as old as it looks" - Jen (3:44pm)

"I quit" - Donna

"It was this or death" - M.A.

"Think of the children" - Tracy

"Like you could do any better." - Tami

"The bananas in your cart look lonely." - Charlie's Mom

"As seen on Cake Wrecks!" - Ashley

"We only would have screwed up your custom cake order, anyway." - Julie

"Don't act like you've never settled before." - Bryan & Jessica

"In some foreign countries this is actually a compliment." - Dolores

"Suck it, Trebek." - Janebabes
«Oldest   ‹Older   201 – 400 of 1396   Newer›   Newest»
Gristle McNerd said...

"Hey, it's still cake. Cake is delicious."

Tori said...

"Buy Me", "See you at midnight, Fatty", "Because cooking is lame".

John said...

I'm on my period.
F__k it.

My girlfriend dumped me.

Can anybody find somebody to love me?

You will eat this, and you WILL like it.

Jean D. said...

The voices told me to

Mary Connealy said...

Celebrating two years in Weight Watchers.

Erin said...

"Why not?"

Melissa said...

"Shhh... don't look now, but the baker behind the counter is a Wreckerator in disguise and is planning on dousing me with sprinkles then impaling me with flotsam if I don't get sold by this evening. Please, if you have any decency -- NO, don't look up, you're acting suspicious!! Just slowly pick me up and carry me to the register..."

Bethany said...

In the words of Sir Edmund Hillary, "Because it was there."

Mary Connealy said...

In such a rich country there's something wrong with skinny people.

Mary Connealy said...

Sorry to hear you have diabetes.


(better yet)

Sory to here U have daibeets.

Cassie said...

The sugar coma will help mask your internal pain.

mikelynn said...

Its not about "looks"

Lisa said...

You aren't going to eat your vegetables anyway.

Jennie said...

The nicest thing my husband's first boss ever said to him about one of his submissions was "Well, it's not crap." That would look good on a cake.

mikelynn said...

Its not about "looks"

REALLY??? said...

My contribution: " This is NOT the Cake you are looking for ... " how DO you write that in a creepy Jedi kinda way?

jennydp said...

Most customers don't get sick!

Courtney C. said...

"Easier than Sex..."

EmilyK R said...

I dropped it on purpose.

Carrie D said...

Your ex is still more pathetic.

Meghan said...

"Featured in Cake Wrecks!"

"Better for the environment than other oils"

"Dessert: Don't come home without it!"

mandi said...

Epcot.

~mandi

April said...

I can't decide between:

"Tastes better than Looks"

or

"Better than nothing!"

Misha H. of Ontario said...

"You were gonna do the what with who now?!! For how many cookies!!!??"

Natalie said...

Pink is his favorite color.

mandi said...

There's always bundt cake.

aimee said...

Still tastes the same

Kristin said...

"Cake: Now available in Shabby Chic"

Nicky B said...

The piping bag was closer than my smoothing spatula.

jillian said...

It looked so sad, just sitting there

Elizabeth Goad said...

"You're past diets"
"Just take it, I'm diabetic"
"just eat it"
"dessert of champions"
"the other white cake"
yeah that's all I got ooh yet another good one "this is the best I got"
-Liz

cara said...

I don't really like you that much.

Jesslynnforr said...

Because you're the fat kid that loves cake

Sara H. said...

My kid smashed it.
As long as it's chocolate...
I'd like to see YOU try.
I got it Target (or WalMart...whichever seems worse to you)
Lost in Translation.

Elizabeth Goad said...

I'm sweet AND rich, a combination rarely made.

Ozzie said...

"The devil's food made me do it!"

John said...

"Cake made with love!"

...

Jenny E said...

It'll form a turd.

Tamera Westhoff said...

It wasn't worth the effort.

Brad said...

"Cake, all it's cracked up to be, and more!"

Nicole said...

"drown your sorrows in frosting"

Anne said...

It's not like your diet was working anyway.

It's what's inside that counts.

It won't make you puke.

Cowgirl@Heart said...

It will look worse coming out anyway...

GroovySooz said...

"We don't like you that much, anyway..."

GroovySooz

WV "sione": if you sione cakewreck, you want to see them all!

Renee said...

Happy National Plumber's Day!!

FiberQat said...

Would you rather have liver?

Chelsea said...

Bite me.

J said...

You should have seen the other "cakes"

Brooke said...

"Take Me To Your Leader"

Jill said...

"Quick--eat the evidence!"

Miss Bish said...

"Not My Best Effort"

I Just Put in my Two Weeks at the Bakery so Here's Your Cake"

Yabba said...

"1/2 Price and 1/2 Calories!"

"It's the fault line from an EARTHQUAKE of flavor inside!"

Zita said...

In the immortal words of Warden Gad Hassan from The Mummy, "No more goat soup."

Jessica K said...

Fig Newton without the fruit

phinner said...

"insatiabler"

Jessica K said...

Look at me!

Shannon M said...

I'm sorry I ate your PMS chocolate stash

Phoenix said...

He didn't deserve you anyway

Sarah, Tim, and Margaret said...

Tasty Cake

Nicole said...

"This is the best cleavage you'll see all day."

Mrs. White's Pantry said...

It will still taste good.

Sylph said...

Doesn't _someone_ have to point out that they also put the "50% off" CORNER sticker in the wrong corner?

I want to see a cake that says "it jumped into the cart"!

Dharmamama said...

5 Second Rule!

Abracadabra said...

"No one else has the heart to tell you, your baking blows."

Sara said...

"I love you like a fat kid loves cake."

Donna said...

"Leave Blank for Message"

mrspicasso said...

"Guess who just fininshed a Wilton class at the rec center!"

"Cat Food on the Jello!"
(Long story!)

A_turtlewave said...

"at least it's not moldy"

GrnEyes said...

Hey I love rhubarb pie! :)

How about: It was half off AND I love roses that vaguely resemble pink Christmas lights! Festive!

Phoenix-Karenee said...

It's cute & sweet, but not a puppy.

Mel V. said...

"It's only a flesh wound!"

AbigailLaura said...

"I'm Sorry I Said Those Jeans Make You Look Fat."

Stacy G. said...

It was this or Hallmark.

Kristen J said...

"This is my 5th fake birthday of the week.. I give up." ~Kristen

LikeABladeOfCorn said...

It's your fault.


(note: the epicenter of a Cakequake.)

Megan said...

"Seize the moment...remember all the women who waved off the desert cart on the Titanic!"

megrat7 said...

"Because... I love you???"

Question marks intended.

Greg said...

Deep, down inside of me, I'm good!

earlleen said...

i felt a binge coming on. i need a fork.

Rachel said...

This May Have Fallen On The Floor

Abby said...

Think "Jersey Shore" and this cake automatically looks better.

AlphaCupcakes said...

"It's Better Than
Whatever
<------- That Is"

Abby said...

Think "Jersey Shore" and this cake automatically looks better.

Karen said...

If you made this yourself, you'd have to take the blame.

Erin said...

"if you think this is bad, you should see what Didn't make it to the shelf."

Rebecca said...

You <3 "Cake"!

The Cannary's said...

Eat your sadness away with cake

Abby said...

Think "Jersey Shore" and this cake automatically looks better.

Count Mockula said...

"Possibly not worth saving your fork for."
"Better for you than the other kind of crack."
"Boobquake worked!"

Katie B. said...

"It's what's inside that counts"

Nama said...

"Try harder."

Seriously, folks. Try harder!

Aunt Granny said...

Aren't we supposed to try to be well-ROUNDED??

Aunt Granny

Suzanne said...

I'm sure it's not original to the bakery I worked it, but on Valentines when one (or more) of the heart shaped fudge cakes would break coming out of the mold, we'd make them into broken heart cakes. I think they might have sold faster than the unbroken ones :)

Meredith said...

Frosted During An Earthquake

Anonymous said...

I don't like you anyway
I just wanted cake

Shasta said...

It's a Cake!!!

Alice said...

Happy Bir

Erin said...

"'I am nutritious.' - The cake is a liar."
reference: http://shirt.woot.com/friends.aspx?k=4113

Ken said...

"Reduced For Quick Sale"

or

"$5.99" (struck through or partialy scraped off) "$3.99"

Allison said...

Because it's two minutes till quitting time.

mandi said...

Half the price... all the shame.

Karyl said...

Cake all looks the same in your belly

Misha said...

Okay, I LOVE "Leave Blank for Message" and "This May Have Fallen on the Floor."

Mine:

Sublimate Your Rage!!!

Smoke Brea

Just Do It.

Melanie Withrow said...

It tastes better than it looks!

Debra said...

You know I'm cheap.

The best you deserve.

Can't please you anyway.

lnolte said...

It's better to taste good than to look good.

Cheryl said...

"Tastes better than a Beanie Baby"

"Here"

"A Cake"

Heather said...

"WRECK Happens"

Amanda Holm said...

"This cake intentionally left blank"

Californiutahan said...

Courtesy of Sleep Talkin' Man:

It's cake o'clock! All day long...

Cake-a-doodle-doo! It's cake for breakfast!

The cake! It's using its Jedi mind tricks to make itself irresistible to me!

Must have the soft icing!

wv: soarl; I promise not to be a soarl oozer.

Selena said...

"Don't let them throw me in the trash!"

Taryn said...

"I like life's failures to be all-encompassing."

AlphaCupcake said...

"Because The Last Time
Sue Volunteered for
Desserts Not Everyone
Made It Out Alive...

RIP Arthur"

Elsie said...

"Beauty is on the inside"

(Though with a Wreck, you never know...)

Dale said...

It's what's on the inside that counts.

WV: deftmood: That cake put me into a deftmood.

Anne S said...

Lets 'face' it. If you could do beter you're self, would you even bee browsing hear? I think, not.

Tami said...

"Like you could do any better."

"Hey, don't judge me!"

bassgirl said...

It's the least I could do.

LaurenH said...

"It all looks the same when it comes out anyway"

Cheron said...

Coming late to the party, with no time to read all 200+ comments, I submit:

It is Chocolate

Not a Lie [at least ONE person will get this]

and It Called Me

Gutiersy said...

One side will make you grow taller... and the other side will make you grow shorter

Abracadabra said...

"It's Sunday and I Ran Out of Alcohol Last Night"

Candy said...

You know you want me.

Eru said...

I was drunk. Very, very drunk.

Eru

pmerry said...

I really need this job to pay for cake decorator lessons.

Kendee said...

"It doesn't matter how it looks in the end!!"

Kelli & Noel said...

Does it really matter?

-Sea Nymph- said...

"They were going to throw it away"

(A total lie, of course. If wrecky cakes were thrown away then we wouldn't have this website. But not everyone needs to know that, and if they do they'll play along because hey, it's cake.)

Greta D. said...

Iz gonna tastee lyke crap 2

Lady of the loch said...

Tastes GR8!

Roses said...

Label with a word combination of cake and crack:

"Cack"

(Doubles as the sound you make when you think about eating such a thing.)

Lizzie said...

I was hungry, I saw cake.

Crystal said...

"You can eat it too!"

"I look fabulous in candle light."

Linda Scher said...

"Twice the Cake - Half the Clever Inscription"

Colleen said...

"Oh Well"

"Whatever"

"Perfection is overrated"

Michele said...

"Nothing beats a Crack Cake!"

Marcy W. said...

Because they were all out of Augustus-flavored chocolate-coated gloop...

Kat said...

So I could put it on cake wrecks(the cake would say: Cake recks here I come!)

Kris D said...

Hunger beats taste, in both senses!

Historic Orange said...

"I was tired."

"No assembly required."

"Show how much you care."

Megan said...

Less Filling!

(Remember the days of "Tastes Great! vs. "Less Filling!"?...)

Lady of the loch said...

"No extra charge for bandaid"

"free set of steak knives inside"

"Contains vitamin C A K & E"

Amanda said...

"This could look worse"

"At least it's just brown icing"

"sprinkles are extra and times are tough"

laura said...

"You know you want me"

Anna said...

Its not *my* birthday but its somebody's. One can't celebrate a random unknown person's birthday without cake!

Amaranthine said...

It all looks the same in the stomach anyway!

Heather said...

It's all cake to me!

(P.S. I think this may be my fav cake wreck ever. This would soooo go over big time with my family! I may actually order this for the next big get together.)

Fluffy Cow said...

Because you want a cakewreck book.

Amanda said...

"carrot jockey"

Hannah L said...

They'll never ask you to pick up the cake again!

DominicD said...

It was pre-disastered (World According to Garp)

Sara Soda said...

I didn't want to make one.

Amaranthine said...

What happened to the "1000 Awesome Things contest" Is it still going on?

Michele said...

"Nothin says Lovin' like a fresh 5 day old cracked cake out of the oven!"

Donna B said...

Really bad cake choice for Mrs. Price's baby shower.
Mr. Price was not amused.

iamjulie said...

Eat Me !

Carrie said...

"Here is your f-ing cake"

I know a guy that actually had that written on a bakery cake - for his pregnant, begging-for-cake wife. Except it was the non-abbreviated version.

Rach said...

Because he didn't love you.
^You know thats always a good reason to eat cake! HA!

Jennifer said...

I make minimum wage and show a creativity level to match!

DesertHeather said...

Suddenly, I'm not half the cake I used to be...

I can see your crack, too.

Especially made in appreciation of Plumbers everywhere.

We thought we could hide it with icing.

Lydia said...

"Please help tomorow they throw me away"

(tomorrow spelled incorrectly of course for added wreckiness)

Jessica said...

Your husband won't notice another inch on those thighs anyway.

Daniel and Tiffany Ward said...

"You did spend those extra five minutes at the gym"

"Just put me in your cart, dang it"

Val said...

"Eat this not that ->"
"Here's a little crack for your Birthday"
"This was all they had"
"There were no lights..."
"Couldn't afford the nice one"
"Free Crack!"
"YOU try to fix it"

Eponita said...

Okay it's kind of wordy but I'm sure a wreckerator could do it...

I need some "ME" time and the only way that will happen is if I sit on the toilet all night.

This would really only apply to me, because I have a 14 month old son and lactose intolerance, and I was imagining a cake with the whipped cream icing. That's all I wanted for my birthday, but noooo, hubby forgot, so I bought a cricut instead. Happy freakin' bday (ha ha) to me.

Jennifer said...

"Last minute anniversary gift"

or perhaps

Goes straight to your thighs"

....aaaaaand that's all I've got.

Mai Future said...

Cause your anorexic ass wouldn't eat it anyways.

Anonymous said...

"One excuse is just as good as another"

Katie said...

At least it's not a CCC (patooie)!

T said...

crack, shmack - that's what I always say...

or

in the end it all looks like crap anyway.

and I love rhubarb pie

rebeccamferguson@yahoo.ca said...

More bang for your buck!

Anonymous said...

Love the idea, and I'm really LOL on the 'dumb pregnancy craving' !!!

'pre-cut'

'Blessed are the cracked; they let in the light'

~~Di

Anonymous said...

Just because I was baked at some massive facilty with no love, iced by some underpaid & uncaring employee, sent through a sub zero freezer to become a cake brick, packaged, palletized, shipped out to your local grocery store (with a couple of stints on loading docks - no, I didn't thaw that much), put back in the bakery freezer only to be pulled out by another underpaid, uncaring and certainly untrained decorator who slapped on a border with the largest star tip they could find, dropped a rose and a few rosebuds on top (don't worry about the pinks not matching - no one will notice), packaged in consumer packaging - REALLY, I didn't thaw that much during this process either, shoved in a freezer with a 30-day shelf life so customers could walk by, look at me and keep walking. No worries, I don't take offense to being left behind - seriously, doesn't bother me at all - &%$#@&^ customers - like they're better than me. So 30 days is up and now you are really wondering why I'm 50% off & where that crack could have possibly come from in this entire process?
Whatever! I still taste good, if you like this crap that is.

Anonymous said...

Earthquake cake

Queenscook said...

Who can say no to cake?

OR

Who can argue with cake?

AceyDog said...

"I like pie"

Anonymous said...

Alexis O: free frosting!

Anonymous said...

Alexis: FREE FROSTING!

Heather H. said...

Cash prize on bottom

=D

LaurenH said...

OK, I can't help it. Thought of a couple more:

"Decorate it yourself if you're so great!"

And the standard retort:

"Your mom's a wreckorator."

Anonymous said...

Alexis O" FREE FROSTING!

iamjulie said...

"Please Buy Me..the baker in on the verge of getting fired"

Lisa D said...

My dad's favourite saying... "It's better than a kick in the pants."

Charlie's Mom said...

"Let them eat me"

"What else were you gonna buy, underpants?"

"The bananas in your cart look lonely"

vinnifera said...

It's freaking cake people!

Just eat it.

Tal said...

"It's getting colder outside, and you need to fatten up."

PrairieCityGirl said...

*insert quote here*

Jill D. said...

Somthing wity so they don't notice the cracke

craftinqueen said...

"and I can't make roses either."

WV ickmanth- as state of ickiness: ick to the manth degree

Amanda said...

you can haz cake.

Deborah said...

"Once you eat it, it won't look like this anymore."

:)

I enjoy the site, Jen...thank you! :)

Anonymous said...

Tastes like chicken!

Shalishah said...

Life sucks, why bother.

smillow said...

I had a coupon.

Tasha said...

Because health food is for squares.

Jessica G. said...

**Warning...potty humor ahead!**

Way better looking than plumber's crack!

Tara said...

The Better Half

swhite88 said...

Hey I don't ask what's inside your crack!

Sandy said...

You might as well - you're staying home alone Friday night anyway.

Anonymous said...

"fork me"

"no one's watching, just take me"

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