Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The Number Won

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Hey, guys! Number 1 here, and it's my birthday!! I am so excited to have my first birthday as a Cake Wrecks writer. What wreckiness will I get to witness FIRST HAND this year?!? I can't wait. I keep imagining Jen ordering me a cake with some sort of numerical wreckery like "Numbered One," "1 Number," "1# One," "Nummer Won," or "Numb Are Want in pink icing." So in that spirit, here are some other Wrecks whose days are numbered.


Maybe it's celebrating Mr. Big's 13th episode of "Sex in the City?"

Yeah...probably not.
(Next to "Big," it should read, "off-center.")

At least they wrote a big "13" though. It would have been doubly wreckalicious if they wrote it all tiny-like...

...which brings me to:

In this case, "Giant 57" = "Giant empty space and 57 rainbow sperm."


A very merry unbirthday to this guy:

Hey, who's counting?


Here's how Kelly got a brand new nickname:

(Give it a minute.)

It could be an inspirational cake, though, if you just tweak the punctuation:

"Asbigas, you can make it! 30! Happy Birthday."

See?


There's really no excuse, Ricki M., Jane R., Callie B., and Kelly (A.K.A. Asbigas.) These cakes are a giant number #2! With pink stars. And frosting flowers under neat.


UPDATE: I got my wish!! Here are the cake mounds Jen and John got me for my birthday:*

*Carrot jockey not included.

They were pretty awesomely wrecky (note the "#1") but MAN, did they taste good. Jen and I were kinda bummed that they removed the cupcake wrapper before frosting them; that would have made a perfect wreck! Thanks again, guys!
Fluffy Cow said...

"asbigas"

*shaking head*

T said...

poor Asbigas - never gonna live that one down!!!

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday!

And what are all those holes in that first cake? Are a million little ants going to pour out of them when someone starts to cut the cake?

DB

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday!
I will totally have to ask for Mashed potato boob cakes for my birthday now. I'm sure my mom would approve.

A Paperback Writer said...

Hey, today's my dad's birthday, too! (He's 86.) Happy birthday to both of you.

And I love the asbigas you can make it 30 cake. Giant 57 is pretty dang good too.

Jim Todd said...

Happy Birthday #1!

Jenniffer said...

Happy Birthday #1!!!

Beth said...

Hey, it's my birthday too!!! Happy birthday to you!

Anne-Marie said...

Happy birthday, Number 1! May you have many more.

The "Asbigas" cake is my favorite today. Really, really? The wreckerator thought that was part of the inscription? Scary, and a bit depressing... The black edging looks gross, too - blech.

mn_me said...

good grief - i'm reading asbigas as as-bi-gas instead of as-big-as....took me a minute there...

OMG... who comes up with this stuff?

ofsageandsepia said...

Happy Birthday !

It's been said before, but who on earth HIRES these people to decorate cakes? And don't they look at it once they're done and wonder, " Hmmm, what does "Asbigas" mean???. Maybe I should call and check."

And, what is up with all the sperm-related decorations? Must be they teach that in Cake Wreck School - spelling, English language skills, not so much!

Thanks for a good laugh.

Sharon said...

Big 13. I count 16 holes in that cake where someone got carried away with the candle placement, then took them all out except (1).

Asbigas...it took me a minute, but I finally got it! (shaking head)

See my Cake Wrecks Tribute Songs at: http://sharonsedibleart.blogspot.com/

Sharon's Edible Art

Anonymous said...

Thank you to the commenter who left the as-big-as comment...I just couldn't, for the life of me, get beyond as-bi-gas!

...must need more coffee...

Meg G. said...

I think most people would appreciate having the no # bday!

Sharon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I'm confused - who wrote this post, if not Jen or John? Who's birthday is it? Happy birthday anyway! Great wreakalicious cakes today!!

wv delusi. These wreaktators must have been delusi when they made the cakes!

Nicole said...

Happy birthday!

Anonymous said...

I think someone started to put candles on the first cake and then made the wreckiest decision to just write it out...without smoothing the icing...Way to Go!!! We appreciate the opportunity to laugh at your misjudgement!

drgns4vr said...

I think I will have to write a novel, just so I can name a character Asbigas.

WV andemb. I started writing a novel andemb I named the hero Asbigas.

Cathie said...

My family refers to pretty much every birthday as "the big [number]," such as when I turn the big two-nine this year. Put a dash between the 1 and the 3, and Big 13 would totally fly in our family.

NYCGitl said...

Happy birthday! :)

Anonymous said...

I am confused to...who did write this post?

Huskymom said...

Happy B-day to Anne-Marie, the #1 Cake Wrecksistant!

Anonymous said...

I was waiting for some nice yellow icing to go with that No. 1 :-(.
Asbigas could be one of those good nonsense words we have to type to submit comments. Made my day, heh, heh, heh.

Norne

Stephanie said...

Happy birthday, Number 1! :) Hope you also got some not-wrecky cake!

As far as today's wrecks are concerned, I can only shake my head and say "Oi..." :P

Larissa said...

In defense of the fact that it took me longer than a minute to decipher "asbigas," I've not yet had coffee!

Anonymous said...

I love that Asbigas made it to 30!! What a wonderful achievement. People do name kids oddly these days. Y'never know.

I really had to wonder about the "Big 13" - Could have been asked for that way, but the holes left from removing the candles... whole 'nother story. I'm crossing my fingers that was done to get a better pic of the wreck, post blow-out.

Happy birthday 1#! I'm sure my hubby would love the carrot cake blobble.I must thank you for all the ideas you give me. He will, too.

I'll never get asked to make cakes for anyone again. Thank you.

~~Di

abeetumi? You really want a cake that looks like a bee tumi?

Caroline B said...

Hapy Bithday Nubber Won!

Asbigas....wasn't he one of the Fellowship of the Ring?

Giant 57...that just made me sad....

The Wrecksistant said...

Hey All! Anne-Marie here! As much as I would loooooove my b-day to be today, alas, it is not. I have to wait till May for my buttercreamy happy day :(

Happy Birthday Number One!

NiteNurse said...

Hi Number1---Happiest of happy birthdays to you (and Paperback Writer's dad and to Beth.)

Adore "asbigas" and my-just-home-from-work-brain thought that one could stretch the meaning to make it a cake for a Mom & just born premmies:
Asbigas you can! 30 (weeks)! Happy Birthday!

Wv: eleds: sometimes making sense eleds me

Terrell (aka NiteNurse)

Sariah said...

Thank goodness for other people's comments. I couldn't for the life of me figure out Asbigas. :P

Happy birthday, Number 1!!

Keeley said...

Great post, #1. I really liked all those wrecks (as wrecks, i mean, not as cakes). Couldn't find the #1 on your birthday mounds until i looked twice. I thought they were random leaves.

We used to celebrate unbirthdays at our house. My sister always got an unbirthday card on my birthday and vice-versa. Let's hear it for unbirthday cakes! You could have one any time. It's always not somebody's birthday.

BTW, on a side note, I was unable to post yesterday--blogger kept telling me my WV was incorrect.

Anonymous said...

Asbigas...snort! Too funny! what do you think the person who ordered the cake said when he/she picked it up? I can only imagine.

French Bean & Coffee Bean said...

Have a very joyeux anniversaire, Number 1!

And the 'as big as' cake really takes...the cake. :-P

-French Bean

Amber said...

Happy Birthday and all, but this just made me appreciate Jen and John all the more. Their writing is actually funny. Sorry.

Katenik said...

So, when the persons who submit these images go to the bakery, and discover these errors, they just pay for them and take them home? Why do these things that were obviously inscribed by semi-literates EVER make it out of the store? As amusing as these are to me, this sort of incompetence is unacceptable, and there is no way in hell I would pay for it.

andie said...

Anonymous, Jen & John have assistants who help with the blog. There's Number One (whose first name is also Jen, but she is not *the* Jen), and Anne-Marie.

Hope this helps!

Jenn said...

Happy Birthday #1!! Always enjoy your posts! ~ Rock on!

:-)

Love,
(another)Jenn!

Tiffany said...

yes... I'm glad you said "give it a minute" because I had to sound it out and let it sink in....

Poor Asbigas.... That totally sucks! LOL wow.

Anonymous said...

Glad to hear I wasn't the only one for whom it took just a minute to figure out Asbigas (Spanish name? Name of a company?). When I did--I laughed out loud. Perfect. Brilliant. Hilarious.

Laura P. said...

hey, Happy Birthday Number 1! It's my dad's birthday, too, and he's the big 50 today. I just called my mom and asked her if she's doing something for a cake for dad, and she said she was. I'm sure he won't get a wreck, though. ever since I started reading this blog, though, I've always wanted a wreck for my birthday. lucky you!

ladyrazorsharp said...

asbigas...wow. There are no words (literally, that's NOT a word!).

And the black icing is not my first choice either. Blah! They may not make it past 30; that stuff can't be good for one's innards.

'Giant 57'--is it the 57th anniversary of the movie 'Giant'?

Wreck on, wreckorators! You give us so much joy (and head-scratching, trying to figure out what you were thinking).

PS Happy Birthday #1 =) May your birthday be un-wrecky!

Carrie Miller said...

I am still laughing!! Thanks so much for this! 'Asbigas'

Anonymous said...

Oh come on..they HAD to go back to the bakery and see the person that wrote "asbigas" and ask them "whatwhereyouthinking".

Amanda said...

Oh man, asbigas. That took me a while.

Happy birthday, Number 1! Now tell me... *fierce grimace* Whooo.. does.. number 1.. work.. for??"

WV: 'dabbelti' -- "Woah, man, that insult was below dabbelti!"

Bin said...

About all those candle holes in the Big 13 cake:
I'm thinking the decorator did NOT put the candles on at all, it was the people who bought the cake. Then they decided to take a photo, but all the candles were in the way so they had to take them back off.

Kristin said...

"mashed potato boob cakes"--thanks, Anonymous, you made me laugh!! (and so did this whole post)

Alia said...

Does it say something about my geekyness that I thought it must be Commander William T. Riker's (Jonathan Frakes) birthday?

Anonymous said...

I believe Asbigas was the name of the evil god summoned up in Ghost Busters.

free forex signals said...

Happy Birthday Number One! Best cake that i see in my life!
very merry , ha-ha-ha ! sting beside me such then was not!

Sharon said...

Whoops! My mistake. Always thought #1 was John (as in Star Trek's William Riker). I didn't know you had assistants helping with the Blog. Perhaps you could leave a note under FAQ who #1 really is (and put back the trash can option so I can sneak quietly out of here without looking like a fool) :)

Sharon's Edible Art

~Nikki~ said...

"Giant empty space and 57 rainbow sperm."
.......... Soooooo funny!



check out my blog: nikkiscakery.blogspot.com

Misty said...

WAIT ONE SECOND! THEY GOT YOU CUP CAKES!?!?!?!?! I thought we hate cup cakes? (Yes the caps are on purpose! I'm Shocked!)

Happy Bithdays #1!

Misty K.

Aliza said...

It took a while to figure out "asbigas"! But once I got it... oy.

We're ordering a cake for a colleague's event, and another colleague grumbled today "I don't understand why [the bakery] won't take phone orders!". Obviously, I needed to educate that junior analyst as to the joys of CW :)

PS Happy birthday #1!

Kelsey said...

Happy Birthday Number 1! out of curiosity, how did you and Jen meet?

Esty said...

Regarding the Big 13 cake. I'm sure the recipient took the candles out before taking the photo. Otherwise it would have been difficult to get the full effect.

@Amber, have you ever heard the saying "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything?"

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Misty,

Cupcakes are GLORIOUS.

It's cupcake cakes that are evil like the fruits of the devil.

Kelsey,

Jen and Number 1 met a long, long time ago and in a land far, far away called Orlando. It was laugh at first site.

john

No.1's Youngest Aunt said...

Oh, though I travel through the valley of sleep deprivation, dehydration, 100+ degree day w/no AC, a fever & side effects of antibiotics , my gift to Jenn AKA Number 1, is the following stream of consciousness. I will not compose, proofread, or edit. I always learn something when this happens. Hang on to your seat, here goes:

Oh, wait: means "be right back" in "before computers had graphics cards" speak.

For real, here goes:

I haven't stopped smiling since midnight MST as I celebrate the birth of my niece (which sounds like the plural of "nice" if it was a noun).

On this special day, Num1, (I just called my sibling's child, my angel baby, a "numb one") I read your post with love in my heart, joy in your humor, pride in your excellent usage of standard English grammar, and relief that you turned out so clever after that one time I almost dropped you when you were in diapers.

Despite my bliss, within I find an elusive desire for what I cannot name - so strong, I feel it in my stomach....oh! Cake! That's it. Yea, cake.

Phew.

Your greatest gift may just be the life lessons which abound in your 1st Cake Wrecks Birthday blog post:

Big 13.

Life Lesson: Some men lie.


Asbigas. I thought it was a comment, insult or pet name, inappropriate, yet suitable for a license plate - because at first glance, it was obviously "Has a Big A**". Yes, Really. No, I am not making that up. That's what i thought it said.

Life Lesson: An amazing unique, miraculous universe exists in the minds of every human being, AKA, folks say the darnedest things.

Giant 57.

I'm confident in my belief that this in NOT a birthday cake, but the result of a kind gesture performed by an enamored medical assistant intern, a quiet, lonely, but hopeful person whose poor posture reflected her self esteem. After sorting through a stack of lab results, she phoned a bakery. On the return of the patient who held her affection, the shy medical assistant intern proffered him this informative, distressing, yet festive confection. 57 is the ACTUAL sperm count of a guy named Giant.

Life Lesson: Some people are really nice.AND It's almost never too late to improve your posture.AND Hope is better than hate.

There. I'm done.
I love you angel baby, and thank God for the day you were born.
ILYMTML
rhod

Anonymous said...

Why did they put the Olympics rings on the one cake?

Molly Malone said...

Did I miss something with the 'asbigas'?!

Andrea said...

Happy Birthday! It's mine too!

Have a great day!

Wolvie Girl said...

Hippy Bathday, number 1! I love your hairy boob cakes.

I've had a couple of thoughts about the "asbigas" cake. First of all, I thought it was about flatulence, i.e. a$$-be-gas. The second thought involves the icing colour. I've never had black icing but I've heard that it has disturbing repercussions, and I was just imagining the horror if they had managed to create an enormous black 30 on that cake. Oh the asbigasity!

wv: borottl - the sound your bottom makes if you have a bath after eating an asbigas cake.

Anonymous said...

bwahahahahaha

Anonymous said...

I believe that "Ace of Cakes" had a Cake Wreck on their "30 Rock (And Roll) episode. The cake was the gaudiest thing they have made... completely gold cake. I believe it had a "Write this ..." on it. Sadly, I can't find any pictures of the cake, but you may be able to!

Happy Birthday!!

Equest2007

Arlene said...

Hey I would love to have a no number birthday. Then I would never age! Lol yeah yeah I can dream. I am laughing so hard at the asbigas cake.. come on is punctuation too much to ask for in this bakery? Loved the cupcakes at the end I would heartily tear into them once I got past the frosting :D.

Squirrel said...

Asbigas is my new "No#1" fave cake - love it!

VĂ©dis said...

Happy birdholq!

And a picture of a carrot jockey.


Lets celebrate in the middle

Brittany said...

Yay we share a birthday!!!

Anonymous said...

At home with strained lower back...not a great time to visit this site..."hahaHA Owwww". Not sure if the tears rolling down my cheeks are from the pain or laughing hysterically.

Anonymous said...

Cake mounds look like Cousin It from Addams Family & his date :))

Wayward Son said...

that Number 1 cake on the left looks like a Number 2 to me!

Anonymous said...

You can not make this stuff up.

La Llama said...

The "asbigas" cake. I did not realize that it wasn't supposed to say that until now. And I've seen it roughly 3 times.

khaynes said...

Piped balloons must be banned.

Anonymous said...

@Sharon their are 17 holes!
Asbigas how the heck did that come from Kelly????. 

Anonymous said...

My daughter's 5th birthday cake read, "Happy Birthday Mollie - Big 5" Yep, I asked for the cake to have a big "5" on it.

Haiku Joy said...

Cake's candle pockmarks
give celebrant facial angst.
The teen years await.