Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Once in a Lifetime Wrecks

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Sometimes, something so noteworthy, so unique, so rare, so sparse, so infrequent, so atypical, so uncommon, so "totally rad" happens that there are really no words to explain it.

Thankfully, we're here to help... and we're professional* writers.

[*And by "professional" we mean "have access to - and no fear of using - a thesaurus."]

Halley's Comet whizzes through our skies once every 76 years. Something tells me this fiery gem will still be on the shelf in time for the next sighting in 2061.


Suggestively Hairy Graduation Cheese hasn't been spotted since he handed little Tommy Silverstein his 3rd grade diploma at Jameson County Elementary back in 1873.


It seems obvious that the Loch Ness Monster would receive a beautifully constructed cakey fanfare after her famous reported sighting back in 1933:

However, photographers rarely catch old Nessie in what would later be described as her "Can-of-Beans Pose," in which Nessie approaches the surface with an open mouth and an old-timey telephone cord protruding from her head. Very rare, this shot. Very rare.


[We have a feeling that these cakes are actually a guitar, a pencil, and a wide-mouthed bass, but our reality is more fun.]


Lesli W., Anony M., & Brandi M., you guys are great, significant, exceptional, extraordinary, humongous, ample, notable, redoubtable, dominant, imposing, majestic, splendid, killer, hunky-dory, and swell.

- Related Wreckage: World's Worst Pictionary Players
The Boob Nazi said...

It kind of looks like what I imagine the devil's guitar to look like. Not that I've imagine that, but I just thought about it.

Cheryl Willis said...

didn't catch the bass. funny

Bethany said...

Oh! A pencil! Never would have guessed that....

flying gargoyle said...

That first one brings to mind the pictograms used for the "100 Worst Guitar Solos Of All Time" list compiled by Guitar Player mag in Dec. 2008. This cake seems to fit right in there.

Suzanne :-) said...

I would have never figured out that was supposed to be a bass if you didn't fill me in! I prefer the Nessie interpretation LOL

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the explanation -- I'd have never guessed the pencil or the bass!! -- Julie

Moosie McGra said...

Okay, I understood the guitar, but loved the Haley's Comet explanation more. I thought the pencil was an acorn...but what's it holding? A thermometer, a hypodermic needle, half a sharpie? I just don't get it. I thought the bass was a shackle on some kind of telephone-cordish leash...
Makes me want pie.

CookieMonster said...

I am laughing so hard. Funny!

(ps thanks for the identification on the bass)

Jenniffer said...

I think that first one may be Epcot on fire being hurled through space! (wink, wink - evil grin)

WV: urgliss - Those are some of the urgliss cakes I've ever seen!

Classic Steve said...

And I thought the pencil was just a face with a Simpsonian skin tone and a goatee, probably to represent the cake's recipient. Of course, with the little arms added, the goatee looked more pubic....

mimi said...

I'm glad you put the explanation at the bottom because you KNOW that some smarty-pants know-it-all is going to come on here and say "Tsk! Duh! Don't you KNOW that's supposed to be a guitar and a pencil and a wide-mouth bass? Might want to fix your post. I'm smarter than you."



As for the pencil, I thought it was a poorly done Spongebob!

Albatross said...

Okay, I see the guitar and the pencil...but I totally would not have known that was a bass! Yikes!

Alison said...

Okay, the guitar and the pencil were identifiable despite the wreckiness. I assume that is a Graduation Pencil with a mortarboard and diploma? But the bass...NO idea. Was thinking some sort of monster from the lagoon!

Anonymous said...

I like how the pencil appears to be holding a pen. Wha???

Migrating Cocionut said...

It looks like the "Wide mouth bass" has an umbilical cord coming out of it's head.

Marcie said...

I think you mean large-mouthed bass.

Deb said...

You guys are featured in the Manchester Guardian today!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/wordofmouth/2010/apr/13/wedding-catering-food-nightmares

Phaedra said...

I had to click on the pencil to see it larger. At first I thought the diploma it is holding was a knife jammed into the cake, and since the cover was still on that would make it part of the design...

Erin said...

Did anyone else think the first cake may have been celebrating the burning pain of an STD?

Thanks for id'ing the bass. I thought it was some sort of cookie monster-gone-bad cake.

Tiffany said...

I'm glad the commenters pointed out that the pencil (which I also first thought was a badly done Spongebob) is holding a diploma…. My first thought was, “Why is the pencil holding a writing utensil?”

The bass….. um… ya, never would have guess. Srsly! Why does it have teeth on the OUTSIDE of it’s mouth?? Or is it wearing one of those awesome dog-collar chokers?

Erin said...

I (sorta) see the guitar and the pencil... but has that 3rd decorator ever actually SEEN a largmouth bass?!

Anonymous said...

I did not get any of those right! Wow. The first one looks like a... (To risk an Epocot, although no one said it yet unless unmoderated) a... rather fiery stylistic man part or a substitute thereof.
Name Withheld to protect the gutterbrained

Anonymous said...

the graduation cheese makes me think of the "I'm only a bill" song from School House Rocks

Lacey said...

That's a pencil??! I totally thought that was spongebob all grown up with a goatee! Really!

VeggieT said...

enlightening post Number1! I perceive you have a proclivity for the grand eloquent...

Erin said...

haha. I didn't catch the pencil or the bass. Thank you Jen. We'd be lost without you.

Shannon said...

Gosh, it's good that I come to Cake Wrecks every day, because I learn valuable information about the world around us. Thanks to that first picture, I now know that Haley's Comet is really a flaming poo ball! Now I'll be ready in 2061.

Thanks Jen! :)

Flartus said...

I want your thesaurus. It will make my life seem better, improved, ameliorated, more gooder...(see? I need it!)

Chadwick ッ said...

So instead of a telephone cord as Nessie's hair accessory, it's a string of fish poo trailing behind???

sendingtheclowns said...

No mortar board? No problem! Just stick a square of black plastic on top of a plastic TOP HAT.... there you go.
Nah, no one will notice. Just wondering, though--what is it, exactly, that a "pencil" (with brown lead & eraser--really?) graduates FROM?
The guitar accomplishes one very odd thing for me: reminding me of the fiery, searing, red-hot pain in the gut of advanced labor. Only because it looks strangely like a human pelvis. To me.
Just leave me alone.
=^e.e^=

Spanky said...

A pencil? Wow, I was way off. I thought it was a constipated "Spongebob".

Darcie said...

I'm not so sure about the bass, I still question the validity of that one.

Anonymous said...

Tree Stump of the Apocolypse!!

disneydiva said...

I think the guitar looks alot like a pin I got from the Phoenix Hard Rock Cafe a number of years ago.

Also, is it a CCC? I am so glad I am no longer a "professional" cake decorator for a grocery store... I just could not abide by those cupcake thingies...

Becky said...

Yikes!


Can you guys do anything about the scrolling adds for cookbooks on the left hand side of the screen. It's so distracting and annoying that it makes it hard to read your hilarious posts.

Love this blog!!! :)

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

Hey Becky,

Yup. That one was bugging me too.

Bah Bye.

john (the idiot who put it up in the first place)

sendingtheclowns said...

I wish I could see the cake that's beside the blue thing (on the right side of the photo). I see part of a ruler, and something that resembles a giant, pointy pencil lead...

Ohhh... I get it.
It's almost time for school to be out!
So, OF COURSE every business establishment has to start the Back To School merchandising campaign. (!!!)

=^!!^=


====================================================

Jennifer said...

Ah, a PENCIL! I thought it was a really bad attempt at Spongebob!

John and Sarah Sperry said...

But isn't the pencil holding a pen?!? Sooooo confusing!!!

Sparky said...

The guitar and the pencil I got. The bass, though, not so much. I have faith in your research though, so I'm trusting your judgment.

arbed said...

I immediately thought of Schoolhouse Rocks for the pencil, too.

Marcy W. said...

**Suggestively Hairy Graduation Cheese**

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Thank you so very much for that! Made my whole day!

Melissa (& Billy) said...

The pencil looks more like a Beatnik banana. "Cool, man. You graduated." *snaps fingers*

The rest...wow. Wreckiness at its...finest(?) Especially the bass! Neat concept with points for effort but gets an "Huh??" for execution.

Anonymous said...

As a teacher, I knew the "pencil" (and the quotes are warranted here) right away, having seen some of the worst pencil-themed gee-gaws at teacher supply stores. I knew the guitar right away . . . well, because I'm rad, OK?
But the bass? No way. I thought perhaps Kermit the Frog's head had exploded.

ladycrim said...

My first thought upon seeing the bass cake was, "Release the Kraken!"

Miradwyn said...

I don't understand why the "guitar" has random cupcakes in the corners. The pencil looks like it is holding a straight razor and is about to shave off its goatee.

Rebecca F. said...

I saw a match on fire in the first "cake".

And Marcie, I can imagine you are not well liked at your job....

YogaGal in the NW said...

Would NEVER have figured out the bass cake. Thanks for putting me out of my misery. Great cakes from true "PERFEZIUNALS".

Patrick said...

I agree with Rebecca F. The first cake appears to be a striking match.

The Gravekeeper said...

Hmmm...that last cake looks quite a bit like a certain outdated internet meme...Y'know, the kind that 4Chan thought was hilarious when it first came out but has since been so overused that it can't even be used in an ironic way?

NiteNurse said...

(sound of knocking)

"Um, good afternoon. I'm from the ASPCF. We've had a report of a shacked wide mouth bass imprisioned in a spike collar. I'm afraid I'm going to have to inspect these premises."

(pause)

"Wot's this then! Are you trying to bribe me with cake, Madam?!"

"Well...... All right."

--------------------

WV: ( in Groucho voice) redak--"These are the most redakulous cakes I've ever seen!"

Terrell

msyendor said...

#1 -- all for the early return of Haley's Comet. Rock on!

#2 -- gotta love those pencil-neck geeks. (but lose the foodcatcher/goattee)

#3 Huh. I thought it was an irked Oregon fisherman's interpretation of the invading Humbolt squids eating his trap lines.

WV: creworn -- expression after finding more eaten out nets

veg-o-matic said...

"Suggestively Hairy Graduation Cheese" ranks right up there as one of my favorite Jenisms, right behind "Naked Mohawk Baby Carrot Jockeys" and "A mini hotdog riding a poo wave? What's not to love?"

Scarlett Robyn said...

Was that thing meant to be a PENCIL? But, it's holding a pen...It looks more like a RUBBISH spongebob.

Also, that WEIRD guitar was a CCC right?

Thanx 4 the wrecks! But they would be nothing without your HILARIOUS comedy!

Daeni said...

I see the guitar and the pencil...I have no idea how anyone could think that last thing is supposed to be a bass (and I've caught a LOT of bass, I know what one looks like! lol) I think it's an alien. LOL

TheHappyHomemaker said...

I love that the guitar/comet/rather fiery stylistic man part comes with two extra cuppies. What a bargain!

rhonda said...

I was guessing sponge bob on the second one too.

Okie said...

wow...those are fabulous finds. Thanks. :)

Stephanie said...

The "Can-of-Beans Pose" did me in. Hi-larious. :)

Sarah said...

The first thing I thought when I saw the pencil cake was "Spongebob!". Lol.

Anonymous said...

you're right. I like your reality MUCH better. "Suggestively hairy cheese man" and comet! they take the cake! (if you'll pardon the pun) I thought it was a pointy naked spongebob at first.

i loved nessie too. thank you for telling us what it was SUPPOSED to be. I had no clue. except for the water.

wv: lagush: what nessie would have said as she emerged from the water--if she were french.

BADKarma! said...

That third cake doesn't say "Large-Mouth Bass" to me... It says "killer mutant porta-john on a rampage"...

shesaidthenshesaid said...

These are awesome.

KitchenerStitch said...

So funny... I actually thought the "pencil" was a, as you put it, "suggestively hairy" Sponge Bob Square Pants.

Ady said...

OMG, when I saw the first photo I totally thought of a guitar! Does this mean that I'm totally in sync with the wreckator?! Thank God I don't like to bake/decorate a cake then... :)

John said...

Given that the "bass" cake is rectangular, I thought it was an attempt to render the "Monster Book of Monsters" from Harry Potter.

Big fan of Nessie, but honors to the Kraken for this one.

Anonymous said...

my husbands favorite t shirt say "i reject your reality and inject my own" can i reject my reality and inject yours?
d

insiderart said...

A large mouth bass? Really I can't see it. Kinda looks like a green monster with a spike collar.

Phil said...

I thought the first one was, as a couple people have said previously, a flaming poo or male member. I thought the second one was some kind of French hipster Spongebob, complete with beret, cigarette, and soul patch.

Wendy @ Muck About said...

Best definition of a professional writer I've ever heard.

Anonymous said...

I think the first one looks like a way-too-suntanned sting ray.

Anonymous said...

Oh a pencil! Ok...I thought it was a bad Sponge Bob!

SursumCorda said...

Can't stop laughing at "Suggestively Hairy Graduation Cheese"

Stacey said...

The first one could also be a longhorn steer being impaled by a bullfighter? I NEVER would have guessed Bass on the third one and I've got 2 professional artists in the house.

MeMaw said...

Is it just me, or does anyone else think the pencil cake looks embarrassed? It's like someone walked in on him in the shower.

Mina said...

Actually, if that first cake (ccc?) would have really been Halley's Comet, I would have been moderately impressed.

J. P. said...

I totally thought that was a guitar too.

Anne said...

The first words out of my mouth for the second one were "Sponge Bob Brown Pants!"

Mozz said...

So I got the first one, it looks like a guitar, with the icing gone horribly wrong...
I got a banana dipped in chocolate, but first glance I saw a cricket bat in its icing hand..
And the last one, well the colors are pretty, But I cant really get anything from it..
lol but thanks again for the daily chuckle..
I cant keep away from your site now lol..

Arlene said...

That first one looks like a guitar that's on fire or from hell judging from the color of it. The last one looks like a big gaping hole with teeth surrounding it just waiting for the next hapless cake buyer to fall in. Ugh what are these people thinking???

Kimpossible said...

hmmm...a guitar...is that what that is??? hmmm...I didnt see that one coming. Didnt get the pencil either. Come to think of it missed the bass too. 0 for 3 this time.

Mollykat said...

I seriously thought that the "pencil" was Sponge Bob Square Pants gone very very wrong. Must be because I was still thinking of Food Network's Challenge the other week. Only I can't see Kerry Vincent ever visiting these cakes.

Never would have figured out the fish cake.
.

Betty Manousos:cutand-dry.blogspot.com said...

First time here!
I found your site through Sara's Domestically Challenged blog.
And I just loved your site!:)
Betty

Anonymous said...

Nessie's chargin her lazor...!

:[o]

maxon said...

Comet? Are you sure? Because to me that looks like ... a male, you know. Look, am I the only one who sees that? No, I see I am not the only one with my mind in the gutter.

Wide mouth bass? Yeah, right. It's really Cthulu isn't it?

Anne DeRuiter said...

At least the fish isn't singing..."Don't worry...be happy!"

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I think it's supposed to be a guitar.
And the next one is a pencil.

Shaunna said...

I think it's a LARGE mouthed bass. :) I never would've guessed that though...i was thinking submarine maybe, then I saw the eyeballs...
You're hilarious BTW. Your comments often make me literally laugh out loud. Thanks for a good laugh every morning!

nicole said...

At first glance, I thought the first one was a frog on a skewer.

Amanda Awesome said...

the pencil looks like its holding a syrynge

rosie said...

A pencil?
Rosie

Anonymous said...

I can't stop staring at the last cake. All I saw at first was a poorly done Cookie Monster Slipper cake.

http://www.amazon.com/Cookie-Monster-Slippers-Infants-Toddlers/dp/B000N6MO1E

No idea when CM started working for the secret service, tho.

Becky said...

Thank you SOOO much for taking the scrolling banner down. You guys rock! :)

aeballantyne said...

I'm with others whose sides are hurting at "Suggestively Hairy Graduation Cheese"....now THAT is golden. Thanks for that! I'll be smiling all day.

Carla Spradlin said...

I think the "guitar" looks more like a deformed jelly fish.
The pencil could be a pencil, but the other one is beyond me.

El Stupido said...

Does that last cake look like a chained-up innertube with eyes to you? cuz it does to me. *shivers* That's just plain creepy.

Brendan said...

When I saw the Halley's Comet, I thought of a flaming banjo.

Anonymous said...

I figured out the fish, mostly because it reminds me of those little magnetic fishing games I played as a kid - the ones where the fish sort of bounce and close their mouths as the game rotates. I think the phone cord is supposed to be a fishing line? Without a hook? Somehow attached to the fish's forehead?

Sharon said...

That first one looks like someone is doing horrible things to Tasmania.

Melanie said...

That looks like a beehive to me...
Melanie Patterson

Sir Lemming said...

Release the caken!

(Am I too late?)

Megs said...

the blue thing I think is supposed to be the Monster Book for Monsters from the Harry Potter books.

thomas said...

That first cake looks like an awful guitar with the body upside down, or a very angry goldfish.