Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The Cat's Meow

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

{cue sexy saxophone music}

"Oh my... Hello, beautiful lady. I didn't see you come in. Welcome to The Kitty Den, where all of your wildest fantasies can come true. I was just about to slip out of this stiff collar and enjoy a fresh bottle of wine by the fire. Won't you... join me?"

"This wood is big enough for two."

"Or purrrhaps you'd prefer to snuggle with someone a bit more... soft?"

"His claws have been trimmed and he was flea-combed just for you, baby."

"But maybe you're the kind of girl who likes things...dirty."

"Our alley cats are ready for a roll in the hay (or chocolate shavings, if you so desire)."

"That's right, sugar. Here at The Den, our fancy felines fire all of your foxy fantasies."

"Oh, don't mind Gary. He's just our I.T. guy."

Thanks to Violet, Ginger, Kat (how appropriate), and Mary for these handsome hunky hairballs. Mrrow...

- Related Wreckage: Stop the Insanity!
Taylor@MyOlderBrothers said...

I read the entire thing in Antonio Banderas's voice from Shrek. That made it ten times funnier.

Amanda W said...

I'll bet that a little while after eating any of those you'll cough up a frosting fur ball.

Adam S said...

Happy 16th "Negar"? What an odd name.

NYCGirl said...

Aw, those are cute...ish.

laura beth said...

I hate flotsam!!!...it is so sad to me that when I was a kid, the choices for cakes at a grocery store actually required some knowledge of cake decorating, now the choices are all just sheet cakes with flotsam all over them.. ew gross.... and that last cake is TERRIBLE.... although I have to be honest, when i was a kid, I would have LOVED that second cat cake...it looks so cuddly... sort of... :)

Stella said...

AWH...melt my crazy cat lady heart. I see nothing wrong here, except the last one. A little too plastic looking.

D Dennis said...

Taylor, I on the other hand, read it in the Tim Meadows' voice as he portrays the ladies man with a glass of courvoisier.

http://naked.actors.nu/photos/996250/ladiesmanvideorelease-timmeadows.jpg

With the lisp an all. Then I coughed up a hairball.

mn_me said...

A Blue Cat? Really? Wow.

I live with two kitties and neither resemble any of these creations... i think i'm suddenly allergic to cake cat

Dznyjenn said...

ROFL, I ALSO read it in Pussycat's voice from Shrek. I love it!

wv: Caliagg..I think my cat just caliagged up a hairball

Anonymous said...

That second one looks really nice. Also it looks like my cat.

lilith said...

How do you pronounce "Negar"? Poor girl to have such a horrible name.

Stacie said...

Awww...dirty kitty is a sad kitty.

Miranda said...

This hurts my brain. Cats are not to be eaten!

Jenni said...

How unfortunate! I hope to never, ever, ever have to make an animal cake. I just don't get them.
That being said, the eyes and ears on the one with chocolate shavings are adorable! (but only the eyes and ears.)

July19 said...

Hahaha, I had Puss 'N Boots in my head, too! It really did make the whole thing funnier =)

And yeah...Adam S....I thought the same thing.

WV: cansl Well. This one is just too easy.

jengersnap said...

I read those with Barry Manalow in my head. Creepy.

The last one...the bluish grey frightfest...I think that looks more like a wet greasy hairball :P

Nectarine said...

I admit, I started looking at these kitty cakes and I thought "they don't look TOO bad".

But the farther I got in the post, things seriously went downhill!

Bridey said...

The name Negar isn't odd, it's Persian! And I hope she had a happy 16th, despite the dustmoppy cat cake.

Jennie said...

NICE!! Read that with Tim Meadow's "Ladies Man" voice and it's about a million times funnier :)

Annette said...

That first cake actually looked pretty well done I thought.

But please, don't even joke about declawing! It's such a horrendously cruel thing to do to a cat. They don't just remove the claw, they actually amputate part of the cats toe. It really should be illegal and joking about it just makes people think it's okay. *shudder*

Mama C said...

Wait - who names their kid "Negar?"

Aliza said...

Other than that loaf cake with the plastic cat face stuck to it (was that supposed to make it look cat-like? seriously??), it strikes me as just wrong to cut up and serve a cat. Even one made from cake. Even when one is a dog person!

Anonymous said...

Negar? Did people name their kid Negar? I can't even digest the cake wrecks because I can't get past that name.

Yiskah Sarah said...

at the risk of being flamed... I really like the 2nd one. I think it's really cute!


Yiskah (sneaking away before they can get out their flame throwers)

Little Lovables said...

oh my, the 2nd one was a little cute for a child's birthday (if one doesn't mind inhaling all that awful frosting), but for a 16 year old? sad!

Kae said...

Oh, great. That's at LEAST six more weeks of therapy. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Tigerwolf said...

It’s Furry Day at Cake Wrecks! Hmm, let’s see… Actually, the first two aren’t that bad, except the first one looks like somebody’s perky assistant, and the second one...ow, those manga eyes are killing me! Then we have the Peter Lorre Cat Cake! “Yess, Massterrr, I’ve tooold you over and oooover to stoooop thee smoooking. So nooooow I have destroyed your – heh-heh-heh – ashtray!!! *Snicker!*” And finally, what cat-lover doesn’t want a surly-faced, bored cat with a body like a blue cinder block for dessert?

^..^

Trevor said...

Yeah, I didn't think the first couple of cakes were that badly done, except when you think about the idea of eating someone's cat. Then it becomes bad. But, um, dirty cat? I'm just NOT going there.

Cyndi said...

My son looked at the last cake and said",Poor Kitty." I think that says everything.

Megan (Best of Fates) said...

From looking at that first cake, I think it's obvious that's a wolf in cats clothing, just waiting for his next innocent victim.

Anonymous said...

Ohhh, now I get it. In that Tokyo Breakfast video on YouTube, they were just all named Negar!

Kelli said...

I looked at #3 and said aloud- "that cake is ugly". My 4 year looked up and said, "why? because it has bugs on it?" She then looked at #4 and said "that cake is scaring me!" I love the honesty of children.

Anonymous said...

You people making fun of Negar's name are aware that names from other cultures do tend to sound different from American names, right?

goose-entity said...

to Annette: declawing is (rightfully) illegal in most countries because it is, indeed, a horrific and barbaric mutilation.

To cakewreck staff: please don't even joke about declawing :(

pam said...

Um, folks, before you jump all over that name you should do a quick Google. Here's just one I came up with:
http://babynamesworld.parentsconnect.com/meaning_of_Negar.html

Gender: Girl
Origin: Afghan
Meaning: Sweetheart

and back to wreckiness, I didn't think that first one was too bad, but the more I looked the more I saw how disproportionate it is - not to mention that crazy expression...

john (the hubby of Jen) said...

To Goose-entity and Annette,

Sorry about that. I guess I missed that and you're absolutely right. We have two beautiful cats and Jen gently trims their claws about once a week though by the looks of our curtains, you wouldn't know it.

I changed the wording though it doesn't flow quite as well now.

Thanks for making a valid point in a kind and thoughtful way.

john

Jani said...

The frightening thing is that the second kit is very well done. So much so that there's no way on earth I could cut into that thing. It looks far too much like a cat we own!

And I read the whole thing in Puss in Boot's voice too! Tried Tim Meadow's, but it wasn't as good for me.

And I'd have to hear Negar pronounced to determine whether it is pretty or not.

JamesterCK said...

LOL at the dirty cat. It's hilarious that someone would make that and actually sell it to someone. I have to disagree with most, I don't even like the first two. I'd say the only halfway passable one is the first one. The second one is just scary looking and it's just a huge lump of spiky frosting. ANC I don't know about you, but when I turned 16 I would have been mortified to get a cake like that. And the last one? Come on people, stop sticking plastic on everything and calling it a cake. Kinda like just because you stick "fur" on something, it doesn't make it a cat.

Fluffy Cow said...

Don't have much to say about the cats, as I am wondering which of you posted this:

http://ihasahotdog.com/2010/04/28/funny-dog-pictures-sprinkles/

Anonymous said...

The last one had me choking back laughter so my coworkers don't hear!

I'm an I.T. person, and while I'm decently well groomed (though not particularly great, as I rarely wear makeup and don't really style my hair), my boss looks about like that last cake. Dude would rather go to the dentist than the barber. Not what I expected at the end of a cat brothel post!

Tricia L said...

I read it with Barry White's voice echoing in my head. Cake #2 looks just like my cat, except his head is smaller than the one on the cake. Not sure which would be worse -- cutting into it or consuming all that icing.

Kate said...

I read in the voice of Christopher Walken's SNL character, The Continental.
"Stay, stay for a glass of champagna."

WV=fureigai "That ain't no cat..that's some sort of fureigai."

dietplaid said...

*shudder*

Sharon said...

Except for the last one (which is horrifying), the cakes don't look very wrecky to me. (the wood paneling under the first one is another matter)

The black and white one looks delicious. I bet it tastes like cookies and cream. Unless under that white frosting and crushed oreos, it's lemon-flavored. D:

sewbug said...

How appropriate. I read somewhat that yesterday was hairball awareness day!
June C.

Keeley said...

Is it just me, or does the second one look like it was groomed with a fork? And the first one has glass eyes like a taxidermy exhibit. Eww.

RosieLB said...

I have to comment about "Negar" as I have a colleague with that name.

It is a girl's name and is pronounced nee-gar. It is a Farsi name meaning sweetheart.

May said...

Trying to think up some "catty" comments, but "Memories" is somehow stuck in my head.

LeftWingLock said...

I have often threatened to make our cats into cake if they didn't stop doing bad cat things...now I know what that would look like. I picked one of the furry things up and put her in front of the computer screen to show her this fate (also known as cake #4). She made a very odd un-cat-like noise and ran.

Mission accomplished. Thank you CakeWrecks!

Janessa said...

How ironic! I was actually listening to sexy saxophone music before I viewed this page! (good ol Kenny G)

Odie said...

Aww. The first two aren't THAT awful! Poor kitty cakes. Come to my house, I'll eat you right up! ;)

Leesa said...

I wonder why this loldog made me think of cake wrecks?!!

http://ihasahotdog.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129159501973626691.jpg

I want sprinkles!!

Leesa said...

Oops! Just noticed someone beat me to the doggy pic!!

Oh well, that'll teach me to post before reading the comments!!

lisadh said...

Definitely Tim Meadows as "The Ladies Man". Worked like a charm.

I have to take my Allegra now, thanks.

Donna said...

With the exception of the last one, at least they aren't as creepy as the dolls on cakes...

Connie Moreno said...

Oh my god, your comments are HILARIOUS!!!!

Anonymous said...

The second one is so adorable! I don't know how people can eat such a cute kitty!

I'm not sure what's up with the IT cat. I feel kinda insulted because us IT people don't look that bad. Only a few have plastic heads.

Anonymous said...

That first cat looks so cute! Too bad he reminds me a bit too much of the snow monster from the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer special, or the snow monster from the beginning of The Empire Strikes Back, with that coloring.

shadow said...

I also had Banderas' voice in my head for this the whole way through. I blame it on the subject matter.

Which would be an interesting experiment, now that I think on it. Had it been dogs, would we have thought of someone else? :D

Anonymous said...

Negar is an Afghani name meaning "Sweetheart". Maybe there, cat cakes are the thing??

I too read the whole thing in Puss In Boot's voice and giggled the whole time.

Sixxlet said...

Happy 16th Negar? I would think you would have to pronounce that name VERY carefully or you could offend someone.

skoerne said...

I read this to the tune of "Business Time" by Flight of the Conchords.

Poor kitties.

Danni said...

I heard the whole thing in the swifer commercial guy's voice, ya know, "Sexy Lady" as he sings about a mop. Too funny what our brains come up with.

The blue cat looks like something my cat coughed up. . . LOL

Anonymous said...

I like the second one,the others are absolutly wrecked!

Carol said...

What does the "soft" cat's birthday inscription read? I get Happy Greet 16th Birthday Negar." Any on else see the same?

PWatters said...

Blue kitty looks suspiciously like blue dog!

PWatters said...

Billy Crystal - Fernando Lamas!

Renee W. said...

Hilarious! I totally heard Christopher Walken doing "The Continental." Though The Ladies' Man voice does make it equally funny.

sendingtheclowns said...

We had a REAL cat who was NAMED "Cake"!!
#1- The face is vaguely cute-ISH (accent on "ISH"), but that cake IS SITTING ON THE FLOOR. Yeah, at least it's on a piece of cardboard that's covered with wood-grain contact paper, but still...IT'S ON THE FLOOR. =^>.<^=
#2- is WAY out of proportion to feline reality. Look at those huge, whompy legs--they look like shaggy tree trunks. And the neckless head looks like the top of some funky cookie jar.
Other than THAT, it's horrendous.
#3- is an artifact from the ruins of Pompeii --make observational note of the petrified sprinklings of ancient, volcanic dust. They were supposed to deliver it to a museum, not a bakery! Sillies.
Lastly...
(#4)- Eeyore Cake Meets Garfield's Evil Brother?
=^??^=
=============
@sewbug:
"...I read somewhat that yesterday was hairball awareness day!"
***
Aw, I missed it...NOT.
EVERYday is that around our place!
=^~.-^=

BADKarma! said...

I think the first one is supposed to be a blue-point Himalayan. Emphasis on "supposed to be"... Eesh...

Heather said...

Wow. Negar FTW!

Anonymous said...

Very appropriate considering today is...Hairball Awareness Day! Well, according to the vet down the road from my house!

Happy Hairball Awareness day cake wreckies! :)

Shannon said...

I thought the second one was okay. I think I would have loved it when I was a little girl. I mean, a CAT cake? That would have been awesome.

CassS said...

Isaac Hayes totally read that whole post to me. Thanks for making my day a bit funnier.

soulsistahmel said...

You never cease to crack me up.. I love the "Ladies Man" reference.. but technically it would be Courvoisier not wine. ooh.. it's a lady! Loved that skit!

I also love the Puss N'Boots idea too! Very clever!

That grey cake almost made me puke..that second one.. ugh.. frosting overload!

-Soulsistahmel

~Alissa said...

I read this with Pepe Le Pew's voice plus "dahhling" at the end of each sentance. But I can hear it with Cat from Shrek voice as funny too.

Thanks for the chuckle everyone!

MarieCri said...

But but but... I LOVE the second one! Seriously! The eyes are gorgeous! And it does look extremely soft.

Anonymous said...

Sadly, I would actually buy the chocolate shaving cat cake if I saw it! It's just ugly enough to be amusing...

Anonymous said...

I gotta say, this is the first time I've heard the term "sexy saxophone" outside of my own personal vocabulary. (It's not as if the term is unique especially, but it reminds me of something I saw when I was way too young, and I'll never forget what I associate with sexy saxophone music). It's so funny!!

Red Wolf said...

They're kinda cute, except for the last one. I think he's on drugs.

Michelle said...

OMG! These cakes make me imagine what the cat from Stephen King's Pet Semetary might look like!

halfbakedcake said...

1) Thanks. Now I can't get Fran Drescher's voice out of my head. Every thing I read has an "aaaaaaahaaaahaaaaaahaaaaah" attached at the end now.

2) This does nothing to reassure my cat that I won't eat him if I get really hungry. As if being named "Angus" didn't already make him nervous.

3) I constantly scream "You're the reason we can't have nice things!!!" at Angus because he has shredded our couch, our box springs, multiple sets of sheets, and a whole bunch of my books, but I wouldn't even think of declawing the little jerk. Not everyone knows that it's a bad thing, though. I've had to explain to a ton of people why we won't have him declawed.

tottergirl said...

Make it go away, please, make it go away!

Bekah said...

I think the 2nd and 3rd are quite cute :) Not a wreck to me.

princessoftheempire said...

Why do I hear all of this narration in Nathan Fillion's voice?

Anonymous said...

I find it so sad that people are making fun of a person's name. Do you know how bad it makes someone feel? It's bullying plain and simple.

I have a friend who's named after a Mayan goddess. Her name is beautiful, but because it's "odd" and "foriegn sounding" she got horribly made fun of in school.

My sister had a narrow-minded teacher refuse to call her by her name because it wasn't "appropriate for a girl." How scarring do you think that was?

Just because someone is different you have no right to make them feel like they are any less of a person than you. A name is something that you live with all your life and should feel proud of, whether your name is Jen or Negar.

Anonymous said...

Ok, I actually like that first one. If I got it for my birthday, I would be pretty stoked. But I *am* a crazy cat lady.

Arlene said...

Oh those poor cats. Never saw the steam roller that hit them. My oh my with that second cake. A steam roller must have hit the wreckerator at the same time they were finishing that cake. Absolutely scary and even my husband looked at that last cake and asked me what it was.. lol.

sendingtheclowns said...

halfbakedcake said...
"I've had to explain to a ton of people why we won't have him declawed."*
~~~~~~~~~~~
Scream-worthy frustrating, isn't it?
---Not the constant "explaining," but the fact that so many feel that it's (in? some? way?) their business!!
Stop explaining.
And ask those who have children the same question*!
HA!

=^-.-^=

Anonymous said...

Puss'in Boots rocks my socks for this post !
For the poor IT cake, how nice of the Wreckator to give us a clue about the actual flavor of the cake (under aaaaaaaaall that blue-grey-what the heck is that color icing)
Chocolate makes it all better now :)
WV : afflogi
I am afflogied by those cakes
- Naomi

Lose That Girl said...

Seeing these kitties reminds me why I prefer dogs!

Sonia said...

I am sorry but what made me laugh was the sticker on last one. "Today's Bakery Feature". If that is a feature I would hate to see what kind of work they reject for sale!

ladyrazorsharp said...

The second one was actually passable. Maybe a little evil looking even but still not bad.

The rest? In the best (?) wrecky tradition.

"I don't always eat cake. But when I do, I eat cakewrecks. Stay wrecky, my friends."

Letitia said...

A) Unique names ROCK (I'm Letitia)
B) Like the 2nd cake!
c) Oh, cakewrecks, I love you.

AnnieRose said...

All those cats are just scary! And I mean really is there any cake under all that frosting?

Material Girl said...

Okay folks...Negar is a Persian name....Long-haired fluffy cat...aka Persian....Don't you get it? the cake is FOR the CAT!!!!!!
BTW taylor...I went back & read it in "Puss in Boots" Banderos-speak & you're right it is WAY funnier!

Sue KuKu said...

Now I'm thinking of the first cat saying, "Look at me. Look at your cat. Now look at me. Look at your cat . . ."

Nonna Beach said...

The second Kitty cake actually isn't that bad...compared with the others !

cakes to eluru said...

Cat cakes are very nice! My wife is fan of cats. She would love your post.

Robyn B. said...

Actually I liked the second one. But the third one was kind of terrifying.

Joya said...

Okay, here my opinion about the kitty cakes:

Cake 1: Look like it will pop out of the screen to kill me.

Cake 2: Pretty. It reminds me of my cat plushie Carly (made by the TY company); the only difference is the cake is of a white cat and Carly is a calico plushie. To be honest, I would be heartbroken if I had to cut into that cake.

Cake 3 & 4: Blah!

Cupcakes Lady said...

Awww...dirty kitty is a sad kitty. ;) xx

Craig said...

The first two are from the 'Louis Wain Collection'.

#3 is best explained by the obvious pig genes that were spliced in (check the shape of the face and the ears).

#4 is the work of someone from the Sandra Lee school of free substitution. In this case, putty for frosting. Hey, use whatever is on hand, right?

Speaking of...

wv: inebryn. How an inebriated person describes their condition.